10 | Thrivent
September 2019
Thrivent.com
WE ARE
Family HOW TO JUGGLE EVERYONE’S NEEDS WHEN YOU’RE RAISING KIDS AND HELPING AGING PARENTS. BY JULIE KENDRICK • PHOTOS BY DOUG SCALETTA
HAIR & MAKEUP BY LINDSAY TRAVIS
W
hom do you think needs your help—this minute, later today or next week? If the answer includes a combination of “my parent,” “my child” or even “my grandparent,” welcome to the Sandwich Generation, those who have a living parent age 65 or older and who either are raising a child or supporting a grown child. With kids on the bottom and parents stacked on top, these “family sandwiches” often come with a side order of rising stress, conflicting commitments and increasing financial worries. It often can’t be helped: Even if your kids are self-sufficient and your parents take very good
Meet four generations of the De Paz family! (Back row from left) Ed Rocha, Loriana De Paz, Carmen Azurdia, Boris De Paz, Olga De Paz, Anthony De Paz. (Front row) Elizabeth and Olivia De Paz.
Thrivent.com
care of themselves, there is still a sense of responsibility you can feel as you help your kids grow and watch your parents age. Here are some helpful tips for managing it all as you balance everyone’s needs, including your own. Be realistic Loriana and Anthony De Paz, Thrivent members in Tampa, Florida, refer to their multi-generational family situation as a double-decker sandwich. Daughter Elizabeth, 18, is off to her first year of college, and they’re home with 13-year-old Olivia, while running their own small business. Not to mention, Loriana also works part time for their church. They’re also providing support to both sets of parents, a grandfather and an elderly aunt. “Our parents have done so much for us,” Loriana says. “It’s important to take
care of them as much as we can. We have not had to help with their medical bills yet, but we’re aware that time is coming.” Before you decide what kind of financial assistance you can provide to others in your extended family, you should assess your own situation to get a clear idea of your cash flow needs and retirement goals. This will help you establish boundaries between what you want to do and what you’re able to do for others. The De Paz family knows that it’s important they stay focused on the financial goals they’ve set for themselves. So they’re diligent about keeping to their plans for savings and expenses, both small and big, like college for their kids. While they once were happy just to have a $1,000 emergency fund, they now have been able to put money September 2019
Thrivent | 11
HOW THRIVENT CAN HELP If you’re helping aging parents while still raising a child or supporting a grown child, your Thrivent Financial professional can help you navigate the challenges. In addition, Thrivent offers several workshops* that cover timely financial topics and concerns. They include: Heart to Heart: Conversations
toward investments they had never made before, such as life insurance and an IRA. Thrivent Financial Professional Jimmy Moore in Brandon, Florida, has helped them achieve their personal goals while also figuring out how they can best support their parents and other aging relatives. Have a frank discussion Moore suggests sandwiched families have a talk to get a clear view of the dependent parents’ total financial picture, from expenses to sources of income, investment accounts, beneficiary designations and insurance. You also want to find out what legal documents they have in place, such as wills, trusts and health care directives.
What is the Sandwich Generation? 47% of adults ages 40 to 59 have
a parent age 65+ and are either raising a young child or financially supporting a grown child. 15% of adults provide financial support to a parent 65+ and a child. Source: Pew Research Center: The Sandwich Generation: Rising Financial Burdens for Middle-Aged Americans, 2013
12 | Thrivent
September 2019
While important, these discussions can be difficult. “Tough conversations with your parents might begin with acknowledging that one parent is going to outlive the other,” Moore says. “So there needs to be a discussion about financial and logistical issues surrounding that event. He also recommends families discuss how they hope to cover any assisted living costs or in-home nursing care. If parental finances are limited, Moore suggests extending those conversations to include siblings and extended family members. Asking others to pitch in on care can be a challenge, he says. “Most siblings have their own idea about who will take care of what, whether it be financial or giving actual care to a parent. But until a plan is assembled with everyone’s input, you could be setting up yourself for inner family strife.” You also should contact your county social services office to obtain information on the services and programs that may be available. Use tools You don’t want to use your retirement savings to support your kids or your parents. That could put your own retirement future in jeopardy, and once you’re in retirement, you no longer
Around Aging Provides tips for planning for changes and starting healthy conversations with family members. Parents, Kids and Money Matters® Offers fun tools for talking with kids ages 6 to 10 about spending influences and share, save and spend options. Parents, Teens and Money Matters® Helps parents talk to kids ages 11 to 14 about influences, money choices and responsible money habits. Learn more about the opportunities at MoreThanMoneyMatters.com. For help figuring out how to fund education, the College Cost Family Discussion Guide is an online worksheet from Thrivent Student Resources that encourages an open and honest discussion about how your family might pay for college. Find the guide at ThriventStudentResources.com/ discussionguide. *No products will be sold.
have an income source to replenish those dollars. You also sacrifice any tax-deferred growth that those retirement assets might have generated. Loriana and Anthony have used a 529 college savings plan to put money aside for their older child, who started college this year. The plan offers tax-deferred growth and federal income Thrivent.com
“In addition to the major educational expenses we have coming up, we also want to have the resources available to take vacations and to invest in ministries we want to support,” Andy says. They work hard to live lean. “We live on less, which we hope will allow us to invest more in God’s kingdom.” Stay strong Experts who work with people experiencing this pulled-in-all-directions challenge offer some sound advice. “I try to normalize this ‘sandwich generation’ situation for clients, because a lot of people are going through the Greg, Andy, Jodie and Thomas Lamon (pictured left) moved to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, same thing,” says Thrivent member to be closer to Andy's parents, Howard and Ann Lamon (pictured right), and Jodie's parents, Joe and Lorene Bowers. Tim Kemnitz, a pastor at Mount Olive Evangelical Lutheran Church in Lincoln, Nebraska, and counselor tax-free withdrawals (to the extent the at Wisconsin Lutheran Child and funds are used to pay qualified educaFamily Service’s satellite branch in tion expenses). “We didn’t always have Germantown, Wisconsin. He urges the funds to contribute, but we’re glad clients to keep the faith. “We want to that we did so when we could because take good care of our faith, so that it now it’s covering a portion of Elizabeth’s can take good care of us when that faith dorm costs.” is tested.” —Loriana De Paz The family also has used a flexible Thrivent member Ed Melinat is a marspending account (FSA) to help with riage, family and child counselor at Hope major health care expenses like braces. From the beginning, they were clear Counseling Center of Silicon Valley, in It lets you pay for eligible out-of-pocket that they needed to set healthy boundSan Jose, California. “It’s important to medical care costs with pre-tax dollars. aries to help them create balance in their be realistic that this ‘toil and trouble’ are Even something as simple as lives. Jodie says she’s been purposeful part of life,” he says. “Peace is arrived at envelopes can help you manage your about scheduling time with parents, time by having a relationship with God in the money. “My husband and I create a together as a couple and time with the midst of turmoil.” Melinat urges those weekly budget that includes setting children. And they’re working to set finan- feeling stressed to reach out for help. aside money toward our emergency cial goals with their sons. Vann Doubleday, “No one can do this alone.” n fund, travel, kids’ college and upcom- a Thrivent Financial professional in ing expenses,” Loriana says. “We set Savannah, Georgia, helped the family. Julie Kendrick is a writer in Minneapolis. some money aside in a ‘miscellaneous’ envelope. The kids have learned that once that envelope is empty, there is Offered through a brokerage arrangement with Thrivent Investment no more money to spend that week.” Management Inc. 529 college savings plans are not guaranteed or insured
PHOTOS COURTESY OF: PHOTOGRAPHY BY KARLA
“Our parents have done so much for us.”
Strive for balance Jodie and Andy Lamon, along with sons Greg, 17, and Thomas, 15, recently moved to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, to be closer to both of their families. Andy’s parents are in their 70s and Jodie’s are in their 80s. Andy, who was the pastor of a church in Georgia, left his congregation and now works in the family business, a jewelry store. Thrivent.com
by the FDIC and may lose value. Consider the investment objectives, risks, charges, and expenses associated before investing. Read the issuers official statement carefully for additional information before investing. Investigate possible state tax benefits that may be available based on the state sponsor of the plan, the residency of the account owner, and the account beneficiary. Consult with a tax professional to analyze all tax implications prior to investing.
THRIVENT IS THE MARKETING NAME FOR THRIVENT FINANCIAL FOR LUTHERANS. Insurance products issued by Thrivent Financial for Lutherans. Not available in all states. Securities and investment advisory services offered through Thrivent Investment Management Inc., a registered investment adviser, member FINRA and SIPC, and a subsidiary of Thrivent. Licensed agent/producer of Thrivent. Registered representative of Thrivent Investment Management Inc. Advisory services available through investment adviser representatives only. Thrivent.com/disclosures.
September 2019
Thrivent | 13