Break the Rules

When I was around five years old, I believed I could behave, wear, and achieve anything I wanted. There was no notion in my mind of being the “weaker sex”. I wanted to play as hard as the boys played. If my clothes were bothering me, I would take them off. Why couldn't I show my nipples as boys did? As time went by and I grew older, society, my family, and certain types of environments showed me otherwise. I was made to believe I had to follow certain societal “rules” to fit in. Wearing certain clothes or having many sex partners would label me an “easy” woman. In the workplace, there were glass ceilings I wasn’t supposed to shatter or even question. Fit the mold. Smile and nod. Sit still look pretty. Women have been categorized into specific roles and behaviors since the beginning of time. The ironic thing is that we are also given the notion that if you follow the rules, chances of equal treatment and respect for who you are may increase. After all, aren’t you doing what society, and other women, are telling you to do? Farther from the truth, unfortunately. Becky Hemsley said it best in her now famous poem, “Breathe”: (in my own words) "If you step up your game and lead the change, you are too much. If you take a step back and observe, you aren’t doing enough". Being a woman is exhausting! A few years back I opted to follow suit with my brilliant predecessors and began to question the “why” behind specific actions. I reclaimed my seat at the table. I asked to be considered and treated as an equal. I stopped being perky and always smiling at meetings. I held people, females included, accountable for their behavior. I called out misogyny, pointed out disadvantages, and offered solutions. Before you start thinking “wow how brave of you please show me how!” let me stop you right there. My behavior didn’t gain me any friends or any extra support. On the contrary, all I got was the archetypes of being “difficult”, “intimidating”, and a “bitch”. Was it worth it? I believe so. As I look back on my experiences, difficulties, and lessons learned, I have deep respect for all the brave trailblazers. The ones who fought so hard to give us an independent voice. The ones who understood we deserved to be seen. I’m, in no way, comparing myself to them. Yet, I do recognize the power my actions have over my daughter. I look at her with pride knowing that, even in a very minuscule way, I helped pave her future. I’m

by Mara Clark

proud she understands her value doesn’t come from the clothes and makeup she wears. That she understands that the rules that for many years prevented me from becoming my true self she can easily break. She knows dealing with the consequences of breaking those rules is called misogyny and it’s wrong. I’m proud of knowing that being a woman won’t be as exhausting for her as it is for me. That it won’t be as heavy as it was for my mom. That it won’t be as terrifying as it was for my grandmother. There is a lot to do still but let’s not allow this diminish the progress we’ve made. All around the world women continue to be treated as inferior. Some of them killed by showing their hair. Some threaten with prosecution for wanting to take charge of their bodies and reproductive health. It's going to take a lot of work, consistency, and bravery to carry on the fight but I have faith in our gender. We got this.

Go ahead. Break the rules.

Go ahead. Break the Rules