How I brought her home

Text: ”Maria”

Once upon a time I experienced real - not from movies! kidnapping case. I will always remember July 2019. Preamble: I was in a long marriage relationship, 13 years together, we are both Russians, from St Petersburg, I am Maria and my ex-husband is Aleksei. We have 2 common kids, on the day of this story my son Peter was 7 years old and my daughter Nora was 5 years old. My ex-husband grew his career successfully and we lived in different countries as expats. In 2018 we moved, to Finland, but last-minute Aleksei decided to work one more year in a other country’s office. Me and the kids, we decided to move to Finland anyway, it is a headquarter of father’s employee, and sooner or later we will leave the other country, better now, Peter will start his elementary school in Finland.

Aleksei suggested to take Nora for a “summer vacation for a few weeks only. Soon he called me and announced the divorce and that Peter will live with me, and Nora with him. I spoke with Nora 3 times. Then the nanny blocked me, and didn’t respond to messages and calls, I didn’t have any information about Nora.

When I knew about the divorce, it was like a blow to the head, can not say better. It felt like a sandstorm, I can not see anything and I don’t understand where I go. I worked, participated in expos (I am a sales manager in a small IT project), and called customers, but everything was not real. I concentrated all my efforts and moved to a smaller apartment because I could afford only cheaper rent. Peter

moved with me, and his address maistraatti also moved with me, but the official address of Nora stayed with her dad, maistraatti didn’t allow me to move her permanent address as well. I tried to find a lawyer, but the case was so complicated - we are not finns, Nora did not live here, no chance.

I called one more lawyer, to Sanna Kaitue. She told me right away that it is her last day before her summer vacation, but she will create a child residence case right away. Surprisingly, the Finnish judge (and court) replied extremely quickly, I got the answer - if the mother wants that girl lives with her, the mother needs to go and bring her daughter to Finland.

Great - I thought. How can I go? Where? How to find Nora? HOW TO BRING HER HOME?

I took my son and we drove to Oittaa, a very beautiful lake in Espoo. suddenly, Aleksei texted me. It was 2 pm in Helsinki (7 pm in his city). He texted - you can talk with Nora now. I called immediately.

”...please, don’t leave Nora alone with no guardians or responsible adults around. Please, don’t leave her with the nanny.”

Nora was so happy and excited, they definitely sit somewhere in a public place - in a restaurant: Mom, mom!! Daddy gifted me a new cell phone!! And we are celebrating! My kitten, what are you celebrating? Daddy is going on a business trip to Paris, for two weeks!

I asked her to talk back with Aleksei - and I said - please, don’t leave Nora alone with no guardians or responsible adults around. Please, don’t leave her with the nanny. It is super bad, she can not be alone, she is only 5! Aleksei brazenly looked at me, grinning, and said - it's none of your business. I started to shout no, it is definitely my business! I will fly there, I will be with Nora, please allow me to see her! He laughed and said - it is not your business. I said - I am buying a ticket and am two days after I will be there, please open the door to me.

So, back to reality: I hang on to the call, took Peter, and said to him - I am leaving, and you will Kaapatut Lapset ry 12

”...Aleksei said that you are coming. I can not open the door. If you come, I will call to police.”

Crap, this sand in my sneakers, I need to stop and clean it, but later, later...

At 3 pm I already talked with my mom and said that I am leaving. You need to know my mom, she said - it is not possible, how can you find Nora? Where? Aleksei will not give her to you, never! He will hide the passport and what you are going to do? Go to court, hire the lawyer! Everybody goes to court, it is the civilized world, why do you need to go nowhere there?

I spoke with her for 2 long hours, with no success. So, I stand up and said - at least I will try. Hugged Peter and bought a ticket at Finnair for 11 pm tonight.

I call to my good friend, she lived in the same city, than my exhusband those days. She said she can not help me, her husband said that situation is very strange, better not to be involved, but she will host me for one night upon arrival. I said “great!” All I need. So, I landed at 1 am. Sticky, hot, dirty streets, squatter areas. I walked in my sneakers and it was so painful, this sand in my shoe... I bought a local sim card and called the nanny. She was sleepy and said - I knew that you will call, Aleksei said that you are coming. I can not open the door. If you come, I will call to police. Aleksei banned you with security, so, it is a private condominium and you can not enter his apartment here. You can not see Nora.

Well. fine! Went to my friend to stay overnight.

I woke up in my friend’s place, she was busy with morning routines, kids, breakfast, and leaving for school - she quickly said to me “take my driver, he will drive where you need”. I thought - where do I need to go? I didn’t have any plan.

All my family is Russian citizens, so, I decided to go to the Russian embassy. Let’s see what they will say. The driver dropped me off in a prestigious neighborhood, private house, palms around, and Toivo 1/2022

a Russian flag. Okay, I ring the bell and said to the guard in the commutator: The underage Russian citizen is here, without a guardian. I am a mother.

Coming to you. A few minutes later one young good looking intelligent man came to me, one of the embassy diplomats. He asked me details, many many questions “where is passport of Nora?”, “where is the father?”, “what father thinks about it?” after that he said, we will discuss it internally and I come back to you tomorrow. I said NO TOMORROW, I need now, please! He said - well, you can go now to Nora’s kindergarten, ask her teacher more about your daughter, at least you will get some information about her.

When we lived here in 2014-2018, Nora used to go to Summit International School, a very nice kindergarten. So, I was thinking hey, great idea, let’s check what is there! hit me and blew me away. She said - Nora is here, you will see her now.

All class finished school time and came outside from the classroom, I saw Nora among the other kids - she said “mom?”. She was like a doll, with no smile, nothing, a frozen cold face. I hugged her and slowly, super super slowly, with many many weeks she slowly became herself, bright energetic Nora, with no fears, but this day she was like a piece of ice. Silent and quiet. So heartbreaking.

We sit on the bench, I hugged her, and finally, she also hugged me. She asked - mom, where have you been? Dad said you don’t want to come and you don’t want to know how I am. Also, mom, I have a phone!

When I just crossed a doorstep,the school director and one of the board members was just around and said “where have you been? How you can leave your daughter alone?” I cried silently because all this stress just

She brought her phone, again sit on my lap and showed me pictures from her new phone. Mom, look, this is the sofa.. This is the ceiling.. (you know, kids make shots of stuff around) This is my teddy bear. This is nanny. She lives with us. Kaapatut Lapset ry 14

Long story short - after that to the police, I made a report that we lost Nora’s passport. At the same time, I got the message from Aleksei that he is starting a kidnapping case against me that I stole Nora. The ambassador called me and said, that he will support me with his personal protection. So, the same evening, Nora with I, and two big guys from the embassy (guards) came to the airport and big thanks to the ambassador, without the passport, but with a paper from the embassy, we flew to South Korea. And at 4 am the diplomat from the Russian embassy in Seoul already picked us up from one plane and put us on another plane, heading to to Russia.

Being a russian citizen, you always can come back to your motherland even without passport, but I live in Finland, Nora lives in Finland and I can not enter Finland without passport and permanent residence card. And Nora doesn’t have it, all her documents left with Aleksei.

Long 5 weeks I needed to stay in Russia, trying to come back home to Finland, Espoo. We lived in St Petersburg where I rented an apartment. I tried to work remotely for my company in Finland and made Rita’s passport and other important documents. At the same time, I knew that Aleksei started a kidnapping case against me Philippines, Finland, and Russia, and the Finnish police took it extremely seriously. I reported to the Finnish investigating officer about my every step via phone; the police organized a group together with Child Welfare - we had long discussions via phone. Can not say, how stressful it was. I was talking openly and kindly asked for help - Nora can not enter Finland because she doesn’t have her permanent residence card, it is with Aleksei. I renew her passport again from Russia, yes, but the permanent residence card can be re-issued only with the SIGNATURE OF TWO PARENTS. Finnish police also spoke with Aleksei and he refused to give the card back or sign anything. So, Finnish police said - we can not close the case, please find a way to come back home and we will close the case.

So, I was trapped.

””Nora can not enter Finland because she doesn’t have her permanent residence card...”

Every single day for these five weeks I called someone in Finland. I lived in St Petersburg, reported to Finnish police, handled things with Russian police (they also got a kidnapping case), and called, called, and called again. I called even the Administration of the Finnish president! I called Migri, the Ministry for Foreign Affairs, Raja border control, to the Russian embassy in Finland, to a Finnish counselor in Russia, I spoke with everyone. I asked a help - how can I bring Nora home, if she is only 5 years old and we lost her permanent residence card?

Finally, I started to call for border controls on the Finnish / Russian border. where is the senior sergeant of Raja border control said to me - well, you can enter back home with Nora, because she has her permanent residence, I can see it online, you just lost a physical card. I can take responsibility and you can come back home.

I brought Rita back home to Espoo.

I don’t need to say that this story is full of tears and big inner growth, and self-performance. If I learn something from it, I would say, stay humble, believe in your dream, and help others. So, if you are experiencing an international divorce, you don’t know what to do with kids, you have missed kids at home please contact Kaapatut Lapset and as for my contact info.

PS I didn't share all details here, in this text, but everything that is written here is true.

PS I threw away my sneakers once I came back home.