1
2
Just the Same
For My Grandmother
5
When I was growing up, you remembered everything. You were proud. You were the pickiest eater we had ever known. Half the clothes in your closet still had tags on them. You smoked cigarettes and dyed your hair, But always denied both. And we loved you just the same.
6
But memory is an odd thing; Sometimes it gets mixed up as we go on. Sometimes we forget where we put our money. Sometimes we don’t know where we are. Sometimes we forget the names of our own children. This is what began happening to you, And we loved you just the same.
7
8
9
The nursing home called one day and said that You were trying to escape. You had your bags packed, and tried to leave Through the side door. You were angry, and you yelled at us to bring you home. And we loved you just the same.
10
We came to visit often. You said that “those kids� were stealing your money. You said that you had called for someone to pick you up. You said that you were going to catch the bus Back to Pennsylvania. You said a lot of things, and we just nodded and smiled And put a hand on your back. And we loved you just the same.
11
12
13
You claimed once, with pride, That you did everything around this place. “See those pictures?” you’d say. “I made all of them.” You made friends with a woman and told us you had Worked with her for years at Sears. She agreed. And we loved you just the same.
14
We came to tell you that your sister had passed away. We said, “You remember Josephine, right?” And you said, “Of course I do, I just had lunch with her yesterday. She’s doing just fine. We chatted for a while; It was a nice day.” We said, “That’s great to hear Grandma. Glad she’s doing well.” My mom put the death notice back into her coat pocket. And we loved you just the same.
17
We brought Grandpa with us to celebrate your 89th birthday. I made you a blanket and you went on and on about it. When we put it away, a few minutes later You asked what was in the box. I opened it again— “A blanket, Grandma—made it for you!” You went on and on again, and I decided To put it on your bed instead. We lit a candle in a cupcake and you asked, “Now whose birthday is it?” “Yours!” we said, “You’re 89 today!” Eyes wide, you said, “Oh that’s right, how could I forget!” And we loved you just the same.
18
Grandpa died peacefully at age 93. We brought you with us to the funeral. You greeted everyone at the door. You didn’t cry. The next day we came to check on you, And you seemed just fine. You asked, “How’s Nello doing? Haven’t heard from him In a while. Tell him to give me a call.” Tears in our eyes, we told you he was doing fine, Just fine— That we were sure he’d call soon. And we loved you just the same.
19
20
21
After you slipped one day in your room, You had to use a wheelchair. You were clipped to it with a sensor That would beep if you stood up or fell. I sat next to you and you looked at me and said, “Watch this.” You stood up, unclipping the sensor, And beeping sounded down the hall. A nurse came running in to see you standing there, Very purposefully, and then you sat back down. “You need to stay in your chair, Anne,” the nurse said. When she left, we all laughed hysterically. And we loved you just the same.
22
And then we got a call in the middle of the night— You had had a stroke and were paralyzed down your left side. We came first thing in the morning. You had a feeding tube. You couldn’t move from your bed. You didn’t have much longer and you knew it. You looked your son in the eye and said, “Philip, I’ve never been afraid to die, and I sure as hell ain’t afraid now.” We told you we loved you and held your hand. It was only a few days later that you passed. We looked back through old pictures and old memories. We saw how much you had changed. We saw how much you had changed us. And perhaps the most significant thing we learned was That despite all this change, You had loved us just the same too.
23
In Loving Memory October 11, 2010
26