A Short Book of Short Poems for People With Short Attention Spans

A Short Book of Short Poems For People With Short Attention Spans

By kaleeM rajA

kaleeM rajA

is a Luton-born British Asian artist, writer and educator and poetry

editor of The View From Here literary magazine, founder of reVerse View poetry group and founder of the ARTSscape website. He has had work published in magazines like Ink, Insite, Open City 360, Best New Poems, The View From Here, Humanimalz, Bitchin’ Kitsch, local newspapers and magazines, various online sites (Hub pages, Glogster, Watpad, Writinghood, Write Out Aloud, Poetry.com, Forward Poetry, Soundcloud) and work featured on social websites (Blogger, Youtube, Facebook, Vimeo). kaleeM is a member of the Luton Poetry Society, Irish Forum Literary Society, London Poetry Society and Luton Writers’ Group. He has performed in London, Bedford, Leicester, Dunstable, Harpenden, St Albans and at 33 Arts Centre, Toddington Poetry Society and Luton Poetry Society. He has featured on Radiolab and Tropical FM. kaleeM holds a bachelor degree in English linguistics and literature and is currently studying for a masters degree in Educational Studies and Management.

Kaleem’s website is ARTSscape http://artsscape.webs.com

An Old Man Has Taken Over My Face An old man has taken over my face He’s moved his bags into my eyes And set up lines where I smile And painted my hair a ghostly white.

He’s planted hairs in my ears And world weary cares in my head.

He’s borrowed my image And buried it in furrowed brows and faded teeth.

He called unexpected and came unannounced And frowns when I ask him to leave.

Love is a Heart-Shaped Noose Love is a heart-shaped noose You threw like a lasso To give me enough rope to hang myself And the eventual hope to cut myself loose.

Big Egos and Small Hearts People with Big egos And small hearts Always fall apart.

Biscuit Like the bits At the bottom of a biscuit tin, The fragments of my life don’t fit together to make a whole.

I fit in nowhere and play no particular role.

Broken for the Very Last Time It’s not okay You say, It won’t be fine.

It’s beyond cracks and lines.

Broken for the very last time.

But Why Daddy Why? Between the ages of 2 and 5 The question children constantly ask is “What’s this?” and “Why?” Daddy, explain to me everything about Everything in the world.

And don’t leave anything out

Cold Porridge Toss me a crumb Of your colossal knowledge.

I’m bored of cold porridge And blind ignorance.

Mathematical Divide and Rule You divide people; Add nothing to their lives And only multiply their strives.

I’m too clever by halves, it’s true.

But what fraction of stupid are you?

Dogs Left in Hot Cars Passed out from the heat. Asleep Like a log.

Hot dog.

Do You Remember When A Blackberry Used to be a Fruit?

The words on the street are not what they used to be.

A text was once a script to be read or heard Twitter use to be the sound of a bird.

A mouse was not a thing you could click.

And wicked and sick Were bad states, not good.

And ing not the sort of thing you should Put at the end of tea bag Or place on the end Of dog.

Don’t Panic Passengers needn’t panic.

I’ve rearranged the deck chairs On the Titanic.

Drowning When you were leaping Off the diving board, I was deep in the shallow end Drowning.

Exist ential Some people insist There’s no evidence God exists But that’s neither here or there.

Flogging a Dead Horse You can lead a horse to water But you can’t make it drink.

You can only poison its water well.

Funeral Giggles Inappropriate laughter At inappropriate times Is an awkward social crime; The death of friends, Angry teachers and accidents.

Hatchet You’re malice was epic.

No one can match it.

I’ll happily bury the hatchet In your head.

Humble Pie and Sour Grapes Don’t bite off more than you can chew.

Humble pie, and sour grapes too, Are not easy things to swallow.

Hunter The awkward moment When the hunter got Shot.

Indifference Bordering on Contempt Underwhelmed. An unsensation.

We took our seats To give you a sitting ovation.

Lifeless, unyielding.

We joined hands To contact the living.

Verbose, unkempt.

We championed your absence While you fuelled our contempt.

I Have No First Language I struggle with my first language And it’s the only one I know.

Inferiority Complex I find Your inferiority complex Superior to mine.

Life Isn’t All Ha-Ha Hee-Hee! Life isn’t all ha-ha hee-hee, Jack.

Sometimes it’s sucks And you want your bucks back.

London London throngs Like a swarm seven million strong Of lonely locusts.

Meat Is Murder Meat is murder.

Made no less harder To swallow Because you were not at the scene of the crime.

My Goldfish Died Today One of my goldfish died today.

On this I have nothing more to say.

That’s why this poem is short.

One Size Doesn’t Fit All Your dancing wasn’t dancing.

It was advertising .

With your waist line In a dress that showed your panty line, The customers who made no bee line Towards you on the dance floor Knew what they were in for.

Oxygen High attitudes And high altitudes Starve the brain Of oxygen.

Paranoia The dichotomy Of reality And ‘they’ve all got it in for me’ mentality.

People With Big Heads People with big heads And small feet, Topple easily.

Poems Don’t Have to Rhyme To expect all poems to rhyme is wrong, And not all poems have to be...lengthy.

Red Lipstick She parts lips of lipstick red Sparkling teeth.

Hint of stubble.

Self Absorbed You hear and see everything But look and listen to nothing.

She Loves You Yeah Yeah Yeah “More than life itself, I love you!”

She smiles and wryly says “Yeah, me too...”

“I worship the ground beneath your feet.”

Puffing her cigarette she says “That’s sweet...”

Stop Go.

The Alpha Female Alpha males punch and break things.

Alpha females push pawns And trap kings.

The Perks of Being Dead The silver lining of being dead Is not having to pay off your debt And getting out of doing your tax return.

The Wounded Animal in You You long to feel, But the wounded animal in you Can’t seem to heal.

Why is it Always Only Fat, Unattractive People Who Think That Nudism is a Good Idea?

Naturist enthusiasts resist raiment And insist naked is what nature meant.

But it must be pointed out That the truth about Nudist group advocates Is that they have the saggiest butts.

Wounded Animals Wounded animals Limp away to secluded holes To heal Or die alone.

You Made A Noose Out of a Lifeline Your cry for help did not go unheard, But in a word, You foolishly used The lifeline to make yourself a noose

Your Love Jaded Me Your love jaded me.

Your passive aggressiveness barricaded me.

Your self loathing and contempt for everyone Eclipsed the face of my sun.

Your love jaded me.

Your self-regard raided me in my sleep.

You invaded me Only to fade me out like a fad.

The Queen’s Jubilee I don’t care it’s the queen’s jubilee.

What’s the queen ever done for me?

We, the Sheeple Most humans are headless bodies.

An unthinking, unblinking Waste of oxygen.

A Facebook Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed I have 1010 Facebook friends.

I’ll die alone in the end.

Hunter The awkward moment When the hunter got Shot.

There’s No Profit in Honesty So make honesty your best policy If money is no issue at all.

Regards It gives me great pleasure To read at leisure Of your execution.

Mary Wedding Lets get a party Lets call the frog Keith And lets call the dolly Mary Yes and lets call the baby Joe Yes and lets go birthday And the birthday is for Mary thank you Lets up the presents yes And Mary married Keith.

Handy Andy No gig is too big, No fee too wee.

Mickey Mouse Friendships

The first time I had Mickey Mouse slapped out of me Was at the age of 10 By a friend Who taught me how worthless my friendship was.

Love is Blind Love needs St Valentine’s cards In Braille And sign language to understand Those it failed.

Man Versus Petrol Pump Click Click Click Poised trigger And the pressure To get an exact figure.

Click click click...

O bugger! it’s gone over By a penny...

Alone in Company Company is occasional, Loneliness is terminal.

War on Terror War on terror; war of terror

Hatchet You’re malice was epic.

No one can match it.

I’ll happily bury the hatchet In your head.

No ones likes long, tedious poems.

So here are some short, funny ones.

‘A Short Book of Short Poems for People With Short Attention Spans’ is kaleeM rajA’s reaction to being traumatised by overly serious, overly long poems.

Some are funny, some serious, others just word-play experiments.