Portfolio test

FINAL

PORTFOLIO Kali Carpenter Principles of Style D E B U TÂ S I N G L E

Letter from the Editor

Table of Contents Bdelygmia Point of View Open Letter Add a little bitComedy of body text Analysis Revision of Analysis Original Essay Original Essay Revision About the Author

DON'T QUIT PUSH YOURSELF TO THE LIMIT

Dear passenger C34 currently standing in A6 I understand that, like, you've recently dyed your hair purple and bleach has seeped into your brain, but you do realize that you're totally in boarding group C right? You know, C as in Can't get your ass out of bed in time to get your tickets? See, unlike you, I woke up at 5 am to, like, make sure I checked into my flight on time to get into the group that, like, you've pushed your self-entitled ass into without warrant.

But you've, like, just finished your long day walking around the city telling all of your gals about the total babe you're meeting in San Francisco. Your feet are like, totally killing you, so why not just jump to the head of the line and steal the front seat? Who cares if that mother needs the extra space because your needs are just as important as her crying 6-year-old, right? I mean, you shit gold and diamonds, right? You are, like, the magical fucking unicorn of Austin and we should totally just bow to your desires.

But, why stop there? Why not just take the pilot's seat instead, so you know exactly when you will get to see your hunk? Unicorns like you don't need frivolous things like a pilot's license; and if we crashed we would all be #blessed to die by your hand, right? Besides, it's not as though the plane could even move without being anointed by your presence. I mean, you're like, royalty anyways. The secret service should be protecting you, screw the President. The Pope? He wishes he was, like, as important as you are.

You deserve a crown emblazoned with the motherfucking hope diamond, but until then, why don't you get to the back of the line where you fucking belong.

Sincerely, Passenger A7