Parental Support Groups

Why They Shouldn’t be a No Man’s Land

After eight years as a dad - six of those as a solo dad, something that has become glaringly obvious to me is the difference in support networks for fathers compared to mothers. Mums almost always have a group of friends that they can call upon for support, playdates and even emergencies. Dads don’t seem to have the same levels of support at all. As men become more involved as fathers, do as I do and run the family home, that level of support for guys is becoming more important.

What If You Don’t Have A Network of Supportive Friends?

As a social experiment, I recently contacted a few Maternal and Child Health Centres - often the first point of contact for new parents. I was bemused that there was no information available for father’s groups (Not surprising, given the name - Maternal. We really need to fix this.). In fact, the only suggestion offered was to try Men’s Help Line, and yet every centre had information and even brochures only for “Mother’s” groups.

The world is changing as Charlie and I have learned. Family structures now take on many shapes and forms and the most prevalent change is that dads are spending more time caring for their kids across the entire range of care activities and moving away from the traditional and outdated breadwinner stereotype.

My Initial Support Network

Unfortunately, my daughter’s mum and I drifted apart, until eventually, the marriage ended. We shared custody until she suddenly moved away, and I was thrust into the role of solo dad of a two-year-old.

Initially, my support network as a solo dad was my amazingly supportive family. The relationship Charlie has with her grandmother is the fountain of youth for my mum and a lifeline for me. After her, there has always been an abundance of fantastic mums ready to help.

In fact, Charlie’s ballet school tried to instigate an arbitrary ban on myself being allowed backstage as a male - which would have resulted in Charlie being the only child without a parent by her side. It was the legendary ‘Mums Groups,’ this revered group of wise woman that had all the answers to teething, sleeping, soothing, etc. that came to my aid with threats of a boycott if I was not permitted to assist my daughter. I was an honorary Mum and my posse had my back!

I have, and always will, stand for equality. Equality to me is nothing to do with being a mother or a father but rather a PARENT. Surely it is truly time for the old societal norm to be challenged and for these groups to be mutually inclusive. Are we ready to explore and drive this inclusivity?

Parenting Is a Skill

Parenting is a skill, yet in a recent survey, 45% of the fathers surveyed had never sought advice on parenting or caring for children. For fathers with children under 18 seeking advice, the main source of advice was their partner, followed by friends, their mother and only then their father. Encouragingly, the survey showed a change in attitudes with fathers almost twice as likely to seek advice or support.

Your physical well-being feeds directly into your mental health and directly affects your parenting

There are several Dads groups doing amazing work:

• Dads Group Inc.

• Beers and Bubs

• Suit Tie Stroller

These are just a few that are providing support, connections and fostering positive social relationships with Dads.

Establish Your Own Group

Social media is a fantastic way to establish networks. In fact, a defacto dad’s group has sprung up through the readers of my website and the talks I give that spans several countries and includes such a diverse range of participants from surgeons and CEOs to stay-at-home dads and same-sex dads. They all have one common thread: fatherhood.

We support and encourage each other with advice from our own trials and tribulations of this messy and magical, exhausting and rewarding, exhilarating and sometimes

MICHAEL RAY

terrifying thing called fatherhood.

Through this virtual group we are in the planning stages to facilitate monthly get togethers encompassing all things fatherly, with an emphasis on physical and mental health.

Here’s what has worked for me:

• ALWAYS ASK FOR HELP IF YOU NEED IT!

• Find a podcast that resonates with you.

• Start a dad’s group at work.

• Stay connected with your sports and interests by including your kids in them.

• Join in with mother’s groups. They’re always keen to offer advice and support.

Michael speaks about his insights from his personal journey raising his daughter and the profound impact being a solo dad has had on his outlook. He addresses the gender and societal roles that are no longer applicable and the negative impact on organisational, business and personal outcomes. He speaks straight from the heart and his ability to connect, resonate and inspire people is obvious.

For more information, visit: www.michaelray.com.au

Include your children in your sports, hobbies and social