Cover Illustration : Aparna Hegde
Praise for The Compendium ‘Jujube!’ Superstar Rajinikant ‘This book jazzed me numb’ The Daily Buzz ‘A sakkath book’ Janaki Ajji ‘ Have you ever thought about why horses sleep standing up?’ A horse enthusiast ‘Eye opening’ POTATO [review obliterated] unknown ‘There is a parallel universe where this book doesn’t exist.’ A multiverse theorist ‘ Santa isn’t real????? ’ Sumithra ‘Not bad’ TVNein ‘I died!’ Ghost with the sour tooth
Dedicated to my cousin’s mother’s estranged husband’s sibling’s father’s grandchild.
NO NOT MY COUSIN!
How to use the book You’re a grown a** individual. You should know this.
Contents Garlic Lemon Curry Leaves Lemongrass Banyan Coconut Ladies Finger Chilli Pomegranate Nilgiri (Eucalyptus) Neem Mango Aloe Cucumber Bamboo Tamarind Black Pepper Eggplant Parthenium Touch me not Potato Rose Tomato Onion Pudhina (Mint) Sugarcane Cardamom Madhunaashini Pumpkin Jasmine
2 4 6 8 10 12 14 16 18 20 22 24 26 28 30 32 34 36 38 40 42 44 46 48 50 52 54 56 58 60
Jujube Guava Cumin Kokum Rice Drumstick Henna Coffee Areca nut & betel leaf Bone Setter Banana Coriander Orange Carrot Turmeric Almond Clover Gulmohar Cabbage Passion Fruit Ginger Cashew Corn Jamun Grape Wheat Tulsi Bitter Gourd Amla Tea
62 64 66 68 70 72 74 76 78 80 82 84 86 88 90 92 94 96 98 100 102 104 106 108 110 112 114 116 118 120
Disclaimer
All characters appearing in this work are purely fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely <confidential>
Garlic bulb
Fig 1 : Allisyum satisfyum
1
Garlic
Allium sativum
Garlic has been famously used as a ward against vampires since ‘ye olde time’. But my neighbor Sumitra always seems to come over when I make garlic bread. I mean she’s not a blood sucking vampire or anything. She just sucks the joy out of everything… But my other neighbor OmPrakash, he’s an actual vampire. Chill guy. You’d like him.
2
Fig 2 : Sit-rest X lay em on
3
Lemon
Citrus Ă&#x2014; limon
When Life gives you lemons, string them up with some chilies and hang them in your doorway. That ought to show Life whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s boss.
4
Fig 3 : Moo, Ray à Quail & Eagle!
5
Curry Leaves Murraya koenigii
Ramba aunty lives trapped in the tower down the street. They say she lost her keys. Beliyappa, the watchman who has been watching her for decades boasts that something is cooking between them. Earlier this week he hoisted a potted plant up to her window, with a note urging her to eat the leaves with her curry. A few days later we heard him call out to her “Ramba Ramba, Let down your hair!” quickly followed by an earth shattering scream. Turns out Ramba aunty had one too many leaves in her curry * Beliyappa hasn’t been himself since.
* Fun Fact: Did you know eating curry leaves promotes hair growth? Wonder what happens if we eat too much… See also: What to do when you are dating Chewbacca; 5 great tips!
6
Fig 4 : Simba-faux gone
7
Lemongrass Cymbopogon
The Mirror of Forecast has predicted that mosquitos will be the next big thing. Literally. Critics speculate that an increase in the demand for lemongrass could lead to the next Word War.
8
Fig 5 : Fie! Cuss! Bengal & sis!
9
Banyan
Ficus benghalensis
The long aerial roots of the banyan tree is said to be the abode of many evil ghosts and spirits. This is completely false. They are not evil, just misunderstood.
10
Fig 6 : Loco Lucy for all
11
Coconut Cocos nucifera
I was stuck in the Faerie realm for a week because Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d accepted a ring made from coconut fronds from a handsome Fae. When I returned, a whole century had passed. My family was long gone and our ancestral home was crumbling to dust. I never seemed to be able to die. So I spent most of my time figuring out what memes are.
12
(b)
(a) Fig 7 : Able mouse coz excess lentils
13
Ladies Finger Abelmoschus esculentus
Thiru the Tailor has a peculiar habit. He collects Ladies Fingers in return for his tailoring services. In his spare time he chops them up into teeny tiny pieces and sticks them onto his body. Being emotionally stunted he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know how to interpret the looks he gets during his evening stroll in his brand new ensemble.
14
Fig 8 : Capsized scum nom nom
15
Chilli
Capsicum annuum ‘Bird’s Eye’
Chilli is called Marichi palam in Sanskrit, which means ‘Sun’s fruit’, as it is believed to be as hot as the sun. Not as hot as my mixtape tho ;)
16
Fig 9 : Puny cart of Grandmaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s thumb
17
Pomegranate Punica granatum
That fateful night, The moonlight glistening on your fur coat, Your teeth ripping out entrails from that poor beast Glowing blood red like the seeds of the pomegranate Your silhouette howling against the full moon, Stole my heart (as metaphorical as that may be) Writ in my own blood, I care not for society that forbids our union, my kind and the Wolves of the Were… O my lady! Sweet would be eternity, Only if I could spend it with you…. Yearning for your love, Omi [ Love note to former Mrs. Prakash circa 1629. Omprakash curiously states that he used his own blood as ink. Studies have revealed that the ink is in fact pomegranate juice. Furthermore, vampires don’t have no blood. ]
18
(b)
(a)
Fig 10 : Ew call it pus globulus
19
Niligiri
Eucalyptus globulus
The aroma of the eucalyptus leaves is extremely strong. It does 1000 pushups every day to accomplish that.
20
Fig 11 : Aazaadi rakhth Indica!
21
Neem
Azadirachta indica
The right amount of Neem leaves mixed with jaggery eaten on New Year’s day will ensure that any bitterness in the year will be perfectly balanced with sweetness. So it is extremely crucial to get ratio right. Don’t worry! I’m here to help you. The ratio is
22
Fig 12 : Mangy feral in the car
23
Mango
Mangifera indica
It was not the mango season. There wasn’t even a single maaza in the fridge. Beliyappa was secretly reading the aamsutra on duty. And pregnant Pushpa had an odd craving for ripe mangos. It was the day we spent in complete darkness. Someone had pulled the plug on the Sun. Nobody could swallow or digest the matter. Apparently the extreme depravation had lead to dire health conditions; some of the symptoms included hallucinations and unrealistic goal setting. The local reporters of TVNein sensing a juicy story, quoted the occurrence as “Absolute Monkey Business”
Refer to Appendix
24
Fig 13 : Aloe Vera
25
Aloe Aloe vera
A word of caution: Speaking from personal experience, aloe does nothing for the burns you get from the flames of Hell.
26
(b)
(a)
Fig 14 : Coo Coo Miss sat a wuss
27
Cucumber Cucumis sativus
Cucumbers are 90% water. The earth is 70% water. You get what Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m saying?
28
Fig 15 : Bam! Boom! Soirée!
29
Bamboo Bambusoideae
Pandas have quite the reputation for being bamboo lovers. But they are quite weary of this stereotype. The spokespanda for the ‘Organization for the Upliftment and Better Representation of all Panda Folk’ (OFTUABROAPF) “Bamboo is great but we are tired of being forced to eat it every day, y’know? People seem to think that it’s the only thing we’re interested in. That really hurts, y’know? Pandas are complex individuals with multiple interests. I, myself am particularly interested in Moroccan cuisine and it has always been my dream to travel there.”
30
Fig 16 : Tremor & dust in this cart
31
Tamarind Tamarindus indica
Tamarind trees are also the abode of several ghosts and spirits. But unlike the ghosts of the banyan tree, these ghosts will actually mess you up. Years of eating tamarind has done nothing to lessen their intelligence.
32
(a)
(b)
Fig 17 : Pilfer some rum
33
Black Pepper Piper nigrum
Janaki Ajji+ makes a sakkath pepper rasam. It is primarily used to power the steam engines of the Metro Rail Corporation.
Ajji is what you call your grandmother and her old lady friends and other old ladies who are not her friends. +
34
Fig 18 : Solo nun melange, hiya!
35
Eggplant
Solanum melongena
For the ignorant: 1 hen = 20 eggs 20 leaves = 1 plant 20 eggs + 1 plant = 1 Eggplant So if I have 3 eggplants and I need 3 cloves of garlic to make garlic bread. How much money would I need to permanently to send Sumitra to the moon colonies?
36
Fig 19 : Bar then aquarium, his tears are porous
37
Parthenium
Parthenium hysterophorus
Parthenium has been accused of causing severe allergies in many humans. Well, have you ever thought of how many humans cause allergies to parthenium?
38
Fig 20 : Mimosa pudding, Carl
39
Touch me not Mimosa pudica
Inamorata, Why do you cringe, Why do you flinch, Why must you recoil, Did the shameplants shame you so? Waiting for your love, Omi
[Note
to
former
Mrs.
Prakash
circa
1878.
Mrs. Prakash is said to have received several anonymous gifts of hate back in the day. Their forbidden love affair had caused quite the scandal.]
40
Fig 21 : SolItary possum tuberCUlosis
41
Potato
Solanum tuberosum
The Planning Organization To Administer & reTain Order is the most extensive spy network.
They have eyes all over.
42
Fig 22 : Rooh Afza
43
Rose Rosa
One night, #62crt6c7 snuck into OmPrakash’s roomy bathtub for a soak. He found former Mrs. Prakash’s secret stash of luxurious bath essentials. After an hour in the tub of milk, amidst the rose petals and scented candles, he rid his disturbing purple disposition, trading it in for an equally disturbing professional grade whitewash. A Beliyappa was born that night.
For those who don’t know, ‘beli’ literally translates to ‘white’
44
(a)
(b)
Fig 23 : Solar nun hyper sicâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; em
45
Tomato
Solanum lycopersicum
The tomato has been suffering from identity crisis for as long as it can remember. It never felt like it truly belonged in its crazy veggie family. I wonder where mom and dad hid its adoption papers...
Refer to Appendix
46
(a)
(b)
Fig 24 : All is dumb, see far
47
Onion Allium cepa
No oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s made it to the heart of an onion without shedding a few tears.
48
Fig 25 : Men that X prepare atta
49
Pudhina
Mentha Ã&#x2014; piperita
You could reaaaallly use one of these. Pee-yew!
50
Fig 26 : Sack n run, Officer Chum
51
Sugarcane
Saccharum officinarum
During the sugarcane harvest in our town, we take The Kids to see the Flying Snake Festival. We cheer as we watch the snakes shoot gloriously from the earth, fireworks and all. We are not sugarcoating any of it.
52
Fig 27 : Elle est Aria Cardamo mum!
53
Cardamom
Elettaria cardamomum
During Sumitraâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s big Bâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;day bash, I replaced all the rice in the biryani with elaichi. *sigh* That was a fun day.
54
Fig 28 : Gym Nemo Sylvestre
55
Madhunaashini Gymnema sylvestre
The tasteless humour promoted in this book can be accredited to the actions of its method author, whose immersive research resulted in the consumption of a destructive leaf. In the aftermath of which the genius quotes â&#x20AC;&#x153;I can make even sugar taste like sand.â&#x20AC;?
Refer to Appendix
56
Fig 29 : Cuckoo beat â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;er up!
57
Pumpkin Cucurbita
Breaking of the pumpkin is a very common ritual practiced to ward off the ‘evil eye’. But that thing behind you? It’s still staring at you. It has had its eye on you for too long to be distracted by this hopeless display.
58
Fig 30 : Jazz me numb
59
Jasmine Jasminum
Mi odorous amour, Meet me when the moon rises, for that is when I awake, like the night-blossoming flowers, white stars from bud. Sniff me out, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got a little bundle of lovesome jasmines for your hair, dipped in blood. Euphoric in your love, Omi [Secret note to former Mrs. Prakash circa 2000.]
60
Fig 31 : Sissy puss mauls Tiana
61
Jujube
Ziziphus mauritiana
“ ju-JU-Be!” Superstar Rajini
62
(a)
(b) Fig 32 : EDM, Goa, Java
63
Guava
Psidium guajava
Few guava seeds in his drink, to the toilet heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll go in a blink.
64
(b)
(a)
Fig 33 : Human yum. Sin done.
65
Cumin
Cuminum cyminum
Cumin has been known to relieve nausea in pregnant women. Pushpa has been taking a handful of cumin seeds daily. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know how long it has been since she started and I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know if she will ever stop.
66
Fig 34 : Garfield is the cat
67
Kokum
Garcinia indica
Eat the fruit like youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re eating a piece of candy. If you bite into the fruit, your teeth become yellow forever. But there is a solution for this! Resident witch Shakalaka is always willing to help those who supply her with her potion ingredients. She will make you a brand new set of dentures shinier and whiter than Beliyappa to replace the ones you gave her.
68
Fig 35 : or is he a sad diva?
69
Rice
Oryza sativa
Janaki Ajjiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sakkath pot, always has enough rice to feed an army to death.
Refer to Appendix
70
Fig 36 : Morning of a Leaf Era
71
Drumstick Moringa oleifera
People hang chappals, shoes and broomsticks around the branches of the drumstick trees to scare away ghosts and spirits from there. “It’s actually to chase the wimpy ghosts away from our town.” One man said. “We don’t want these nerdy ghosts. If we’re going to be haunted, we want to be haunted by proper ones.”
72
Fig 37 : Laws on ya innards, miss
73
Henna
Lawsonia inermis
Ever since The Kids came back from their camping trip, tiny orange handprints have started appearing everywhere. You canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even tell the difference between the sun and the moon anymore.
74
(b)
(a)
Fig 38 : COFFEE AAAAAAAH!
75
Coffee Coffea
I’VE BEEN UP FOR COUNTLESS DAYS AND NIGHTS WRITING THIS BOOK. I HAVEN’T SEEN MY DOG IN WEEKS. I EVEN ORDERED A FLORAL PLASTIC CHOCOLATE JUMPSUIT ONLINE! OH AND YEAH I SINGLEHANDEDLY CAUGHT 8345 POKÉMON, LOSERS! WAIT DO I EVEN HAVE A DOG?
76
Fig 39 : Arr he catch you & pipe a kettle!
77
Areca nut & betel leaf Areca catechu & Piper betle
Keep an eye out for my next book on translating what people say while eating paan* into our common tongue. (Available in multiple languages)
* Paan: It is a combination of betel leaves, areca nuts and sometimes tobacco and is generally chewed.
78
Fig 40 : Sis is Quadrangular
79
Bone Setter Cissus Quadrangular
Last year, TVNein released unseen footage of the oversteaming local metro running over Inspector Hampi Dampirnath, crushing his brittle bones. Then all the town’s pandas and all the town’s men, rushed to the scene, but couldn’t put Hampi together again. This year, further unseen footage leaked, wreaking havoc amongst the townsfolk.
The footage showed the senior
spokespanda for the OFTUABROAPF munching on what appeared to be the bonesetter plant at the scene of crime, a plant that could have set the Inspector’s bones right and saved his life. The panda’s lawyer presented before the Court- the bonesetter prescription for his client’s obesity treatment. “Being born obese is not a crime, dying obese is!” he thundered.
80
Fig 41 : Moose aaaaaaah!
81
Banana Musa
The ultimate secret to Shakalakaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s shakalastic beauty revealed!!! Scrub gently with the inside of a banana peel daily to achieve best results.
Stay wart free for eternity!
82
(b)
(a)
(c)
Fig 42 : Korean drum said “I’m done”
83
Coriander Coriandrum sativum
Coriander is often only used as a garnish in cooking. But coriander believes itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s destined for more.
84
(a)
(b)
Fig 43 : Sit, rest X Simon says.
85
Orange
Citrus Ă&#x2014; sinensis
My cousin told me if I swallowed orange seeds, the plant would start growing in my stomach. So as an experiment, I snuck in a few seeds in every meal of his for a month. People now have well pruned branches of various citrus trees and other plants growing out of their facial orifices following the popular trend of last yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Fall Fashion show.
86
Fig 44 : Dorkâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s carotid
87
Carrot
Daucus carota subsp. sativus
I was feeling so blue last week. So blue that I abstained from cooking entirely. Meanwhile I survived solely on the carrots I stole from Janaki Ajji’s mean a** bunny rabbit. Seven days of four meals later I’ve got to tell you, I wasn’t feeling blue at all. I was just looking a bit orange, and in case you didn’t already know Orange is the new Black ;-)
88
Fig 45 : Kurkure no longer
89
Turmeric Curcuma longa
Pushpa couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t carry the weight of her burden anymore. She decided finally to take matters into her own hands. She soon found herself sculpting lifelike babies with turmeric paste. When the time came, she drowned them in the lake. All of them.
Refer to Appendix
90
(a)
(b)
Fig 46 : Prudent dull kiss
91
Almond Prunus dulcis
The propagators of the Vegetarian Movement recently issued a memorandum regarding the alternate sources of protein available for the vegetarians of the hour. Within days the freshly turned residents replaced the fish in their private fish gardens with freshwater almonds. Cautionary word: Do not feed the almonds.
92
Fig 47 : Try fooling â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;em
93
Clover Trifolium
A four leaved clover brings good luck. A five leaved clover brings disaster. A six leaved clover can be used to control the weather. A ten leaved clover is used to invoke the Gods’ wrath onto your enemies. A three leaved clover…I’m just messing with you. They don’t exist.
94
Fig 48 : Adeleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all six Reginas
95
Gulmohar Delonix regia
The Kids collect the fallen Gulmohar flowers under the tree. They carefully pick apart the green sepals. Then they remove the inner red membrane to expose the sticky white flesh. Then they stick these sepals on the nails of their tiny fingers and chase each other with their new â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;tiger clawsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;.
96
Fig 49 : Brass is calm, all over Asia
97
Cabbage
Brassica oleracea var. capitata
A cabbage is like the gift Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d give Sumithra, the kind that has many many many many many many many many layers of wrapping paper but nothing inside. Ha! I bet sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still at it.
98
Fig 50 : Pacify Laura & tulips
99
Passion Fruit Passiflora edulis
Amoureuse, Scooped so hollow, Yet I try to nurture these seeds of passion, I try… O how I try…
Omi [ Note to former Mrs. Prakash circa 5078. ]
100
Fig 51 : Zindagi bhar office chalein
101
Ginger
Zingiber officinale
Ginger is referred to as Vishwa-Bhesaj
or the Universal
Medicine. Our doctor just used to break a ginger root from his body and give it to the patient. Speaking of which, no oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s seen Dr. Breadman in years.
102
Fig 52 : An accordian accidental
103
Cashew
Anacardium occidentale
Be careful while eating the cashew fruit. You are actually supposed to eat only half of the fruit. If you eat below a certain point, you will end up with a sore throat. You will also find a curious tattoo on your throat. If that ever happens to you, be prepared for everything.
104
Fig 53 : Si amaze!
105
Corn Zea mays
When the corn in the fields was just about ripe and yellow like the sun. Some idiot set the whole place on fire.* We had to have a month-long movie marathon just to clean up the mess.
*Refer to Aloe (page 26)
106
Fig 54 : Fizzy ghee & alumni
107
Jamun
Syzygium cumini
Thud. Splat! Thud. Pichka! The pelting on Ramba aunty’s only window jolted her awake. Juicy purple patches glistened in the sun, wooing her. She glanced through the oozing streaks at her unnaturally bleached watchman grinning up at her, gleeful from having caught her attention. As she feasted on the sweet fruits, she thought to herself, “Sweet must be the heart of the man who eats these fruits everyday.”
Refer to Appendix
108
Fig 55 : Fight us & win forever!
109
Grape
Vitis vinifera
Never mind, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re probably sour anyways.
110
Fig 56 : Try to hum
111
Wheat Triticum
Wheat fields as far as the eye can see, stretching across the universes. Their flimsy strands are woven through all our realms, keeping us from hurtling through space, crashing and burning everything in our paths. Wheat is also our no. 1 export.
112
Fig 57 : Aussie nuns, ten in florals
113
Tulsi
Ocimum tenuiflorum
Janaki Ajjiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sakkath hot tub gets a visit from all the oldies in town once every year, who take a dip in its basil infused waters. They can try whatever they want but Death will eventually catch up with them. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be good to see my old friend again.
114
Fig 58 : Momo or Dior, Sharonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s tears
115
Bitter gourd Momordica charantia
The bitter gourd is in fact not as bitter as my soul.
116
(a)
(b)
Fig 59 : File & thus embellish it all
117
Amla
Phyllanthus emblica
Funfact: Did you know water tasted sweet after you’ve eaten an amla? Not as sweet as the look on Sumitra’s face when I told her Santa isn’t real.
118
Fig 60 : Camel ears and sinuses
119
Tea
Camellia sinensis
I was officially uninvited to Sumithra’s Afternoon Tea. Not that I was interested anyways. But the smell of Ramba’s signature cupcakes almost makes me regret not being able to go. Almost. I’m actually genuinely surprised by the turnout. They’re all causing quite a racket. The teacups are clinking, The Kids are laughing and –wait is that my cousin? That loser! Giggling with Sumithra and happily stuffing his face, freeloading his way through life! Speaking of which I can’t hear Beliyappa anywhere… Maybe I should be worried. The voices die down as Janaki Ajji suddenly breakdances into a sakkath song. All the porcelain shatters instantly. The guests, the boiling tea, and the broken china, all have an unexpected rendezvous. Shakalaka’s doomed broom went vroom vroom. “Just two sugars please. My blood sugar’s bit high” Thiru the tailor’s voice pipes up. Pushpa’s complaining drowns The Kids. OmPrakash seems to be enjoying himself. I can just see him brooding under a polka dot umbrella. Janaki Ajji’s still singing. Someone is screaming for Death.
120
121
But let them have their fun. I’m enjoying a nice cup of tea with my ol’ friend. It’s been fun catching up & I so wish he could stay longer. But like he says as he picks up his scythe, “Duty calls.”
...
122
123
About the Author
Nice try POTATO.
124
Index Fig 1 : Allisyum satisfyum ........................................... 1 Fig 2 : Sit-rest X lay em on ......................................... 3 Fig 3 : Moo, Ray à Quail & Eagle! .............................. 5 Fig 4 : Simba-faux gone .............................................. 7 Fig 5 : Fie! Cuss! Bengal & sis! .................................... 9 Fig 6 : Loco Lucy for all ............................................... 11 Fig 7 : Able mouse coz excess lentils ............................ 13 Fig 8 : Capsized scum nom nom .................................. 15 Fig 9 : Puny cart of Grandma’s thumb ....................... 17 Fig 10 : Ew call it pus globulus .................................... 19 Fig 11 : Aazaadi rakhth Indica! ................................... 21 Fig 12 : Mangy feral in the car .................................... 23 Fig 13 : Aloe Vera ......................................................... 25 Fig 14 : Coo Coo Miss sat a wuss ................................. 27 Fig 15 : Bam! Boom! Soirée! ........................................ 29
Fig 16 : Tremor & dust in this cart............................... 31 Fig 17 : Pilfer some rum................................................ 33 Fig 18 : Solo nun melange, hiya!.................................. 35 Fig 19 : Bar then aquarium, his tears are porous........37 Fig 20 : Mimosa pudding, Carl.................................... 39 Fig 21 : SolItary possum tuberculosis......................... 41 Fig 22 : Rooh Afza......................................................... 43 Fig 23 : Solar nun hyper sicâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; em................................... 45 Fig 24 : All is dumb, see far.......................................... 47 Fig 25 : Men that X prepare atta..................................49 Fig 26 : Sack n run, Officer Chum................................ 51 Fig 27 : Elle est Aria Cardamo mum!...........................53 Fig 28 : Gym Nemo Sylvestre....................................... 55 Fig 29 : Cuckoo beat â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;er up!.......................................... 57 Fig 30 : Jazz me numb.................................................. 59
Fig 31 : Sissy puss mauls Tiana.................................... 61 Fig 32 : EDM, Goa, Java...............................................63 Fig 33 : Human yum. Sin done..................................... 65 Fig 34 : Garfield is the cat............................................. 67 Fig 35 : or is he a sad diva?.......................................... 69 Fig 36 : Morning of a Leaf Era..................................... 71 Fig 37 : Laws on ya innards, miss................................73 Fig 38 : COFFEE AAAAAAAH!..................................... 75 Fig 39 : Arr he catch you & pipe a kettle!..................... 77 Fig 40 : Sis is Quadrangular.........................................79 Fig 41 : Moose aaaaaaah!.............................................81 Fig 42 : Korean drum said “I’m done”..........................83 Fig 43 : Sit, rest X Simon says...................................... 85 Fig 44 : Dork’s carotid...................................................87 Fig 45 : Kurkure no longer
89
Fig 46 : Prudent dull kiss.............................................. 91 Fig 47 : Try fooling ‘em................................................. 93 Fig 48 : Adele’s all six Reginas......................................95 Fig 49 : Brass is calm, all over Asia............................. 97 Fig 50 : Pacify Laura & tulips.......................................99 Fig 51 : Zindagi bhar office chalein...............................101 Fig 52 : An accordian accidental.................................. 103 Fig 53 : Si amaze!.......................................................... 105 Fig 54 : Fizzy ghee & alumni.........................................107 Fig 55 : Fight us & win forever!.................................... 109 Fig 56 : Try to hum........................................................111 Fig 57 : Aussie nuns, ten in florals................................ 113 Fig 58 : Momo or Dior, Sharon’s tears.........................115 Fig 59 : File & thus embellish it all............................... 117 Fig 60 : Camel ears and sinuses................................... 119
Appendix Mango...................................................24 When Lord Hanuman was a baby, he is said to have attempted to swallow the sun thinking it to be a ripe juicy mango. Lord Hanuman is the monkey God, a prominent figure in Hindu mythology. Tomato.................................................46 Thought the tomato is widely assumed to be a vegetable, it is actually classified as a fruit. Madhunaashini...................................56 The leaves of this plant have a curious property of temporarily disabling the tongueâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ability to taste sweetness. The author personally vouches for this.
Rice.......................................................70 The Akshayapatra is a bottomless vessel from Hindu mythology that produces a never- ending supply of food when required. Turmeric..............................................90 Using the turmeric paste from her body, Goddess Parvati created a sculpture of a boy. She breathed life into it and proclaimed him her son. This was the birth of Lord Ganesha. Every year Ganesh Chaturti (his birthday) is celebrated with great pomp and splendor and offerings are made to handmade idols of Lord Ganesha. At the end of the festival the idols are immersed in a body of water and they eventually disintegrate. Jamun.................................................108 Referring to the Panchatantra tale of The Monkey & The Crocodile. A crocodile and his wife overcome by greed, desire to consume the heart of their monkey friend assuming it to be sweeter than the jamun fruits he ate everyday.
Notes