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Life List

Gym Etiquette

According to the experts, we’re all living longer so it makes sense to stay healthy and keep in shape. But it takes more than superfoods, mindfulness and Botox to always appear at your best. Before you rush off to your nearest leisure centre and play ‘hunt the parking space’, here are a few pointers for what not to do in the gym.

Avoid giving yourself a round of applause after using each exercise machine. Similarly, no high-fiving yourself or doing the infamous Wimbledon fist-pump.

Don’t get the speed and gradient buttons mixed up on the treadmill; otherwise you’ll be walking very slowly up a mountain for 15 minutes. Also, resist holding a mobile conversation for your entire mechanised stroll.

Please refrain from wearing a baseball cap on the rowing machine, or shouting ‘ahoy’ to whoever’s on the machine next to you. There’s no need to hum the music from Rocky as you lift the free weights.

Never assume that your sweat prevents the person using the cross-trainer after you from getting dry skin. Clean up your act.

However pooped you feel, halfway through your routine, don’t break for sandwiches and a flask of coffee.

One word for those without hair: headband. (Or maybe that’s just ‘band’.)

Never confuse the bench press with a trouser press. And while we’re on the topic, tiny shorts are for dancing in, not doing squat thrusts. No one needs to see that.

Lastly, don’t head straight to the café afterwards to replenish your carbs. Exercise isn’t a piece of cake.

By Derek Thompson

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