Children’s Puzzles

The Diary of a Local Mum

Picking up the Pieces

There are undeniably lots of highs of parenthood. Those happy moments, memories to treasure, times when your heart swells to bursting with pride… but, as we all know, with the highs come plenty of lows. There are points in the parenting journey where you pause and think ‘Really?!? Is this my life?’

Usually this realisation hits pretty hard within the first few days of becoming a parent as you’re wading zombie-like through sleepless nights and endless days, or dealing with your first poonami (seriously, how can all that mess come from something so small and cute?!?). Then, there are the glory days of cleaning up sick or endless nit-combing … this parenting lark is certainly not all glamour!

But, nothing is as bad as when things go wrong for your kids. Whether it’s losing their favourite toy or blanket, grazing their knee in the playground, falling out with friends, having their heart broken, not making the team or missing out on that grade, there are so many times in life when things just don’t quite go our way, and seeing it happen to your kids is like torture. If you could swap places and absorb the pain yourself, you would.

As a parent, your first instinct is to try and ‘fix’ the problem but often it’s sadly not quite that easy. Tempting as it is, it’s not always possible or, even if it is, it’s not always the right approach. Life can be cruel and sometimes your role is just to be there to help them weather the storm, learning how to navigate their own way through the inevitable ups and downs. Most of us would love for our kids to experience a life full of endless sunshine but it’s just not practical. Part of our role as parents is to help them learn what to do in the rain and, at the risk of taking this metaphor too far, we can’t always be there with an umbrella! However, giving kids of any age a helping hand when times are tough is challenging in itself. How far do we go to intervene? Knowing we can’t take their pain away entirely is hard, so to what extent should we try to alleviate it? Is being there as a shoulder to cry on enough? And what do we do when they push us away? Sometimes they want their own space to deal with things … but give them too much time and space and they’ll feel like they’re alone. Conversely, intervening too much can make them feel stifled. It’s a minefield! We know, rationally, that they need to grow and learn – we’ve all had to do it – but standing on the sidelines as your child copes with difficult situations is so, so hard.

Sometimes, with the benefit of life experience, you can see that the problem isn’t actually all that huge – having been on this planet for many more years then they have, you know that, in the grand scheme of things, this ‘catastrophic event’ is a mere bump in the road that will be forgotten in a few hours/tomorrow/next week (or, in the case of a toddler who’s inconsolable because their favourite spoon is in the dishwasher, just a few minutes!). But telling a child of any age that whatever’s rocked their world is ‘unimportant’ is categorically NOT the right thing to say! In their mind it’s allconsuming, so we have to respect the way it’s making them feel, with no judgement.

Whatever life throws at them, knowing that you’re a solid, reliable rock within their sea of uncertainty will help. As parents we can’t always prevent things from being broken, but we can be there to help pick up the pieces.

By Helen Young

Community Local History

Belper People of the Past: Elizabeth Grummit Kiddy Ashton

Near the top of the Market Place is an imposing three-storey building, now a hairdresser and beauty salon. For many years it was a druggists (the old name for a pharmacy) owned by Samuel Kiddy. Elizabeth Grummit moved there when she married Samuel in 1855.

Elizabeth was born in 1828 into a farming family at Elsthorpe Grange, Lincolnshire. At the age of 27 she accepted a marriage proposal from the fifty-year-old Samuel Kiddy. Samuel had his finger in many pies. He held a position on Belper Waterworks, was a Guardian at Belper Workhouse, a churchwarden at St Peter’s and served on the Carnival Committee. He was a Freemason, a dealer of nails and lead and rented land near the station from the Strutt Estate where he was complemented on the excellence of his turnips. In the recession of 1855, together with other businessmen, he set up a soup kitchen for the poor which he promised would continue every week “so long as trade continues in so depressed a state”.

Elizabeth would have enjoyed being the wife of an influential Belper businessman. In an age when women’s prospects were limited she had found a new way of life away from the farm and had a comfortable life above the shop with a servant. Years before his marriage Samuel had taken in his young nephew, John Ashton, to train as an apprentice. Later John took over management of Samuel’s second shop in Ripley and married Ellen Hall. They had six children but five died in infancy and one child, Arthur William, survived. Unfortunately in 1878 John’s wife Ellen died, leaving him to bring up the five-year-old boy.

Elizabeth and Samuel had 24 years of marriage, but no children. Samuel died in 1879 at the age of 74 and was buried with all honours in St Peter’s Churchyard. After Samuel’s death John took over the Belper shop, something he and his uncle may have been working towards since John’s childhood.

The widow Elizabeth moved to Rotherhithe, London where she had friends or family. Then things moved quickly. Within a year of Samuel’s death John proposed to her and they were married in Rotherhithe in 1880. He was five years her junior and they had known each other for about 25 years. Belper eyebrows would have been raised at the speed of their marriage after their spouses’ deaths, but it was very convenient for both parties. It must have been gratifying to Elizabeth to come back to her old home on the Market Place. They re-named the business Kiddy & Ashton, but sadly the couple had little time together as John died in 1882. She arranged for his burial in Belper Cemetery next to his first wife with a memorial inscription to Ellen and their five lost children: “They are without fault before the throne of God.”

Elizabeth promptly sold the business and moved with her stepson Arthur into Ashton’s old house on New Road, supported by a couple of servants. The Census of 1891 is the last record I can find for her. Arthur flourished as a farmer, married Emily Adshead of Fenny Bentley Hall, then later became a druggist like his father. A daughter was born in 1905 but Arthur was killed in the First World War. Elizabeth Ashton disappears from the records and in spite of help from a researcher more skilled than I am, her subsequent life remains a mystery.

Charles Southern bought the business from Elizabeth. He also married a widow – but that’s another story…

The druggist shop on the Market Place today – now a beauty salon and hairdresser

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Upbeat

Variety of Scams Reported in Derbyshire

Technology is an important part of our lives, but sadly it can make us vulnerable, too. We do see a variety of scams in Derbyshire, with some targeting people who perhaps aren’t as confident using technology. However, it is important to remember that these cons can be sophisticated and catch out even the most tech-savvy of people.

One tactic is messages, often on Whatsapp, beginning ‘Hi Mum’ or ‘Hi Dad’. The scammer pretends to be a friend or family member who has broken their phone and is messaging from a new number. They will urgently ask for money transferring to pay for a replacement or general bills. These scams can be quite convincing, and there have been cases nationally where the victim transferred multiple amounts of money before realising the recipient wasn’t who they thought.

Detective Constable Tammy Barnes, Fraud Protect Officer, said: “Being contacted urgently by a relative is always concerning, and the desire to help in an emergency is what the criminals are relying on. If you ever get a message from a friend or family member that you think is suspicious, especially when they ask for money or personal details, always call them and confirm their identity before doing anything else.”

We’ve also seen cases of fraud by buyers on Facebook Marketplace presenting fake screenshots to prove payment and leaving the sellers out of pocket. If you are selling something, always check your own bank account to make sure the money has cleared before parting with any goods. If the purchase is online, use trusted web links and not those supplied by the buyer.

Technology, for most, makes our daily lives easier. Unfortunately, this is also true for criminals. Follow Action Fraud’s Take Five to Stop Fraud to protect yourself:

1. Stop – Take five minutes to stop and think before parting with your money or information.

2. Challenge – Could it be fake? It’s okay to reject, refuse or ignore any requests. Only criminals will try to rush or panic you.

3. Protect - If you think you’ve been a victim of fraud, contact your bank immediately and report it to Action Fraud online or by calling 0300 123 2040.

Community Diary October/November 2022

October:

4th: The Arts Society Derby lecture “The Paintings and Wit of Winston Churchill and Noel Coward” by Nicholas Reed. Landau Forte College,

Derby, 7pm. Guests Welcome. More info: artssocietyderby.com 5th: Belper Historical Society: From Innovators to Bankrupts and Entrepreneurs and Murderers (the history of Heage and Morley Park) by Ian

Coker, 7:30pm Strutts Community Centre, Derby Road. Members free, visitors £5 8th: Belper Organ and Keyboard Club concert: The Welsh Wizard, Byron Jones (B.E.M). 2pm, Congregational Church, Church Walk, Belper

DE56 1DB. £6 members, £8 visitors. Refreshments available. 8th: Derby German Group’s ‘Kaffe und Kunchen’ 3pm at Carnero Lounge, 10 St Peter’s Street, Derby DE1 1SH. New members welcome.

Basic understanding of German helpful. Info: derbygermangroup.wordpress.com, email: derbygermangroup@gmail.com 15th: Ship of Fools Stand-up Comedy @ No.28 Market Place, Belper DE56 1FZ. 7.30 for 8pm. BYO drinks. Entry £9. Booking online only: www.wegottickets.com. Info: shipoffoolscomedy@yahoo.co.uk 16th: Willow Workshop: Deer Heads. 11-4pm at No.28 Market Place, Belper DE56 1FZ. Beginners, intermediate, experienced. £65 per person, materials included. Booking via www.emma-parkins.co.uk or enquiries@emmaparkins.co.uk. 28th: Belper Welcome Meal 12-2pm at No.28 Market Place, Belper DE56 1FZ. Soup/bread & pudding, No need to book, pay what you can.

Welcome Meal Project volunteers supported by Unite, Belper Town Council, Co-op. 31st: Charity Halloween Spookfest at 17 Rawson Green, Kilburn, DE56 0LN, 4pm – 8.30pm. All welcome. Refreshments available. Donations to

Children in Need gratefully received.

November:

1st: The Arts Society Derby lecture “The Art of Atonement: How Germany Commemorates the Second World War” by Angela Findlay.

Landau Forte College, Derby, 7pm. Guests Welcome. More info: artssocietyderby.com 2nd: Belper Historical Society: The Ballooning History of Derbyshire by Robin Macey. 7:30pm Strutts Community Centre, Derby Road.

Members free, visitors £5 12th: Christmas Market, Christ Church, The Triangle, Belper DE56 1BA. Great variety of stalls. Raffle, refreshments including turkey cobs and mulled wine. 11am - 2pm. Free admission. All welcome. 12th: Belper Organ and Keyboard Club concert: Chris Jones. 2pm, Congregational Church, Church Walk, Belper DE56 1DB. £6 members, £8 visitors. Refreshments available. 12th: Derby German Group’s ‘Kaffe und Kunchen’ 3pm at Carnero Lounge, 10 St Peter’s Street, Derby DE1 1SH. New members welcome.

Basic understanding of German helpful. Info: derbygermangroup.wordpress.com, email: derbygermangroup@gmail.com 13th: Willow Workshop: Christmas decorations. 11-4pm at No.28 Market Place, Belper DE56 1FZ. Beginners, intermediate, experienced. £65 per person, materials included. Booking via www.emma-parkins.co.uk or enquiries@emmaparkins.co.uk. 25th: Belper Welcome Meal 12-2pm at No.28 Market Place, Belper DE56 1FZ. Soup/bread & pudding, No need to book, pay what you can.

Welcome Meal Project volunteers supported by Unite, Belper Town Council, Co-op. 26th: Winter Fayre, St Matthew’s Church, Morley. 10am - 12noon. Stalls, raffle and refreshments. Admission free; all welcome.

Please check events with the venue/organiser as the publisher accepts no responsibility if events are changed/cancelled following publication. If you have a one-off event or special excursion for December 2022 / January 2023 please email it to helen@allthingslocal.co.uk. Deadline is Wednesday 19th October 2022. 7474

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Useful Numbers

Doctors & Hospitals, Emergencies

Appletree Medical Practice Arthur Medical Centre 01332 842288 01332 880249

Amber Pharmacy Crimestoppers

01332 985950 0800 555111 Drug Helpline (24 hour) 0800 776600 London Road Community Hospital 01332 265500 NHS 111 Out of Hours (24 hour helpline) 111 Police (non emergency) 101 Ripley Hospital 01773 743456 Ripley Medical Centre 01773 303591 Riversdale Surgery 01773 822386 Royal Derby Hospital 01332 340131 RSPCA Emergency 0300 1234999 Samaritans (24 hour) 116123 Severn Trent Water 0800 7834444 Social Care Services - Call Derbyshire 01629 533190 Water Floodline 08459 881188 Whitemoor Medical Centre 01773 880099

Post Offices

Belper (Strutt Street) 01773 820108 Duffield 01332 840105 Kilburn 01332 880444 Little Eaton 01332 832780 Sawmills 01773 852060 Smalley 01332 882222 Stanley 0345 7223344 Stanley Common 0345 6112970

Travel

Birmingham Airport 0871 222 0072 East Midlands Airport 0800 083 8759 East Midlands Trains 03457 125678 Manchester Airport 0808 1697030 National Rail Enquiries 03457 484950 Roads - to report a fault 01629 580000 Traveline – public transport info 0871 2002233