6 Questions You Should Ask Yourself about the Potential of Your Relationship
Long-term relationships can be difficult to establish, especially if you have already been in several and they have all fallen apart. At a time when people regard a second date as ‘commitment’, it is obvious that relationships are fickle and that you need to be more considerate if your goal is to be in a long-term relationship. How can you gain a better understanding of where your relationship stands now and where it is headed? The answers are most likely unique to your situation with your partner, but it is the questions that are important. Here is what you need to ask yourself:
What are your expectations? Chasing perfection and not settling are two very different things and it is your expectations that settle the line between them. If your head is in the sky and you think your relationship should be a certain way, you will just add more pressure to it. The reality is that no relationship is perfect, and having realistic expectations about that is the way to go. In other words, if you are always waiting for ‘the one’, you are dooming every relationship you begin.
How compatible are you? Compatibility is different and it comes in many forms. It is normal to be compatible in some areas, and be different in others. What is important is to separate the areas of compatibility into non-negotiable and negotiable. What are the deal-breakers
for you? Maybe you don’t click well sexually, or have meaningful conversations. Those are serious differences, which don’t make for a good relationship. On the other hand, there are areas where you can freely function in a relationship without being compatible. For example, if one of you doesn’t like social activities, you can agree to not push each other into going out more and meet halfway.
How are things sexually? Sexual intimacy is the one thing that distinguishes romantic relationships. And while chemistry does tend to wane over time, it doesn’t mean you get to stop exploring your sexuality together or feel uncomfortable about it with your partner. It is all about reaching a level of comfort on a sexual level that doesn’t create strain between you two. Look at your sexual satisfaction and be honest about it with your partner. It is important to have open communication and find common ground that serves you both.
What is your motivation for being in this relationship? If you feel like being in a relationship is what you have always done and it just feels familiar to you, you have to reassess your motivation. There should not be any sense of obligation, or just because you don’t want to feel lonely. You have to work on yourself to view relationships not as a way to provide what is missing, but rather as a way to provide more of what is already in your life.
What do you want to create? Nowadays, you can create an unconventional relationship, if that is what you are after. But you need to ask yourself what you want to create. Forget about what you have been conditioned to believe, and look deep inside what you want.
Where do you see your relationship in five years? It doesn’t even matter if you think your relationship won’t last for five years. What is important is that you should have a concept of some long-term reality that you and your partner want to work towards together. Besides, knowing where it might take you in five years can give you a clue as to whether it is nourishing you now and whether it needs more work. © Kate Mansfield Dating Coach