“
ww
Could you handle a
CROSS CULTURE The fantasy holiday romance scenario: you’re swept off your feet by that husky suitor with the melt-in-your-mouth accent, bagging yourself a free tour-guide who whisks you off to all of his favourite cultural hot-spots - all the while tending to your own hot-spots. But could you realistically survive a cross-culture relationship in the long run? Katie Lansdowne reveals her side of the story...
102 COSMOPOLITAN JUNE 2012
photograph luxuryresortphotograph.com
relationship?
It started with a fateful love-letter sent via Facebook message, written in what can only be described as broken English; a surprising declaration of love from the guy at work with whom I’d only ever exchanged a shy ‘hello’ with once or twice before. Six months later, I’m still with him and can’t quite imagine dating an Englishman again – although I do still find myself doublechecking my Facebook page when I see his alien-like name sat beneath my profile picture in all its irregular glory. It never really occurred to me that I’d end up with someone who doesn’t speak English as his first language. Truth be told, I didn’t think it’d be all that ideal - actually, I thought it’d be near impossible, what with my incredible ability to castrate anyone who makes even the most minuscule of spelling or grammar mistakes. But thankfully for me, he knows the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ (a fundamental turn-on, sadly enough). The transition from casually dating the odd English guy - but for the most part, being single for twentyone years - into being in a fullblown relationship with a RussianLithuanian guy who appears to live on a completely different planet to you and everyone else is never going to be easy. In despite of this, the liaison seems to have slotted its place quite naturally into my thoroughly English-bred life, but not without numerous glitches en-route. Needless to say, I didn’t know the half of it when I entered this relationship. The rickety passage has been inundated with emotional obstacles that I never even knew existed. Our arguments are fuelled in equal measure by superfluous drama and mutual discrepancies. I sometimes wonder if we actually thrive on it, because our relationship seems to become a little more grounded with every minor bickering that occurs. My Russian lover’s anti-English-ness doesn’t end at his name. Everything about him is foreign to me - his entire demeanour, upbringing, education and lifestyle has been (and remains) incredibly different to mine. While I honestly try my best, I probably
Cosmo talks relationships spend about 50% of the time I’m with fingers on mine. him thoroughly confused as to how The best advice is to understand as the hell his thought process works, much as you can about your partner’s but then again, a lot of that derives culture and language. More often in the fact that he is - after all - a than not, it’s the subtle things that man. I don’t doubt that it’s a similar matter the most. For example, I’d percentage on his part. always put my man’s poor attempt I’m continually toying with the at vocalising his Ps and Qs down to opposing idea that I’m either playing shoddy manners - a big, fat, English with fire with this relationship, or no-no - until I realised that the that I’m right in thinking a long (or Russian language is just plain blunt dare I say it, permanent) break from in comparison to our overtly polite Englishmen is the way forward. mother tongue. The most obvious obstruction Of course, there should be mutual in a cross-culture relationship is respect at both ends, meaning that the language barrier issue. This my man should probably not exploit barricade in particular requires the my lack of knowledge by teaching patience of a saint to break through. me naughty phrases in unfamiliar Exasperating at the best of times, languages. He also should not use ‘Language-Barrier Situation 1’ his accent to get whatever he wants, usually goes something along these as is so often the case, mainly in blurry lines: I use a semi-complex correspondence to my hopeless word in a sentence - he questions devotion to the power of an accent the meaning of said (this will be my ‘the liaison seems to word - I make downfall). a vain attempt Overall, though, have slotted its place quite to explain this relationship the word, has treated naturally into my thoroughly me so much but end up using similarly better than any English-bred life, but dense words. of my previous Ultimately, my British offerings. not without numerous Generally speaking, incapabilitIes as a human thesaurus foreign men know glitches enresult in him becoming how to satisfy woman in irrationally frustrated. Even a way that can’t compare. Google Translate mostly fails to route’ They’re not afraid to show their savour these frequent disputes emotions, and kudos to them for of ours. that. In my opinion, British men Statistics show that the divorce rate lack the passion and consideration for women married to foreigners is that seems to come naturally to their triple that of marriage partners of the foreign counterparts (by all means, same nationality. Even so, alongside I’m not applying this theory to every the rising rate of migration comes man out there, but for me it definitely an inevitable increase in the number rings true). of cross-border marriages. In fact, Ultimately, only a certain kind of shocking figures from the University person can deal with the average of Barcelona claim that this translates cross-culture relationship, and all the roughly to one international marriage swings and roundabouts that come for every two new migrants. with it. If you’re not one of those The preconceptions surrounding people, take this as your warning international relationships are often to avoid the fateful trap of fiery negative, particularly when the intercultural love - chances are, it’ll relationship in question is between an end in heartbreak. older, richer man and a younger, less I’m taking the path with trepidation, well-educated foreign woman - not but I’ll always have that residing, that my relationship really fits this niggling belief that bill, by any means. Dealing with my no Englishman slightly bigoted father, on the other could ever compare hand, is another struggle entirely, with my first foreign something I hope will be redeemed love. Needless to by time and understanding on his say, I’m in far, far part, and patience and crossedtoo deep already. JUNE 2012 COSMOPOLITAN
103