Northland Family - June 2011 by Marty Novak

JUNE 2, 2011 • LIBE RTY TRIBUNE, THE KEARNEY COURIER, THE SMITHVILLE HERALD, GLADS TO N E D I S PAT C H

Sweet evolutions of dessert Half of us will say ‘I do’ 70.1 million dads in the United States

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LIBERTY TRIBUNE, THE KEARNEY C O U R I E R , T H E S M I T H V I L L E H E R A L D, G L A D S TO N E D I S PAT C H

Memoir embraces joys of fatherhood “Daughters’ Day” by Graham Porter reveals a father’s reﬂections on a positive parenthood past in an anthology of endearing stories

“Daughters’ Day: A Father’s Memories of Tender Moments” by Graham Porter, a Kansas City area father of four adult daughters, seeks to share a collection of parental memories that expresses the author’s love for his daughters. “At the age of 93, I continue to be blessed by the love and fun that I share with my daughters,” Porter said. “I want to share that joy with others and hopefully inspire young parents to approach parenting in a similar fashion.” Porter intends to share memories in “Daughters’ Day” that reflect the playfulness, humor and joy in raising children. Chapters include recollections of the birth of Porter’s first daughter, conversations about the meaning of God, a rescue of one of his

NORTHLAND FAMILY IS A SPECIAL SECTION PUBLISHED THE FIRST WEEK OF EACH MONTH BY LIBERTY TRIBUNE, THE KEARNEY COURIER, THE SMITHVILLE HERALD AND GLADSTONE DISPATCH, DIVISIONS OF NPG NEWSPAPERS, INC. MAILING ADDRESS: 104 N. MAIN ST., LIBERTY, MO 64068

daughters from her first dance, as well as the rescue of a baby robin and the family’s first vacation. “I think my book is different from others in that it focuses on the positive and joyful aspects of family life,” Porter said. “I’d like readers to perceive my book as an inspiring and uplifting collection of vignettes,” he added, “that will encourage joyful interaction between parents and children.” Porter previously published a number of short stories that appeared in “Reader’s Digest,” as well as six books: “Small Wonder,” “Lochinvar,” “Harem in the House,” “The Blessings of Beauty,” “Open Conspiracy” and “Once Upon a Dream.” Porter is also a published photographer and owned a photo studio for 20 years.

ON THE COVER Publisher Matt Daugherty and his son, Logan, goof around

in front of the camera. Matt became a dad a few weeks before Father’s Day in 2008. He and his wife, Christina, have one child. PHOTO BY Matt Frye

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LI B E RT Y T R I BU N E , T H E K E A R NEY COURIER, THE SMITHVILLE HERALD, GLADSTONE DISPATCH

JUNE 2, 2011

Thinking of you, The idea of Father’s Day was conceived slightly more than a century ago by Sonora Dodd of Spokane, Wash., while she listened to a Mother’s Day sermon in 1909. Dodd wanted a special day to honor her father, William Smart, a widowed Civil War veteran who was left to raise his six children on a farm. A day in June — June 19, 1910 — was chosen by Spokane’s mayor for the first Father’s Day celebration because it was the month of Smart’s birth. The first presidential proclamation honoring fathers was issued in 1966 when President Lyndon Johnson designated the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day. Father’s Day has been celebrated annually since 1972, when President Richard Nixon signed the public law that made it permanent. According to the U.S. Census bureau, there are an estimated 70.1 million fathers in the United States. If you’re still trying to figure out the perfect papa present, consider these facts, also from the Census Bureau:

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DAD 8,111 — The number of men’s clothing stores around the country (as of 2008) — a good place to buy dad a tie or shirt.

16,010 — The number of hardware stores (as of 2008) — a place to buy hammers, wrenches, screwdrivers and other items high on the list of Father’s Day gifts. Additionally, there were 7,009 home centers across the country in 2008. 22,116 — Number of sporting goods stores in 2008 — good places to purchase traditional gifts for dad, such as ﬁshing rods and golf clubs. 81.5 million — The number of Americans who participated in a barbecue in the last year — it’s probably safe to assume many of these barbecues took place on Father’s Day.

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LIBERTY TRIBUNE, THE KEARNEY C O U R I E R , T H E S M I T H V I L L E H E R A L D, G L A D S TO N E D I S PAT C H

The Accidental Parent

It does d the body good

By Betsy Lee

Didn’t you know? I’m a superhero. Sure, I only have one superhuman power. But it’s a stellar one. I use it every day — only to do good, I assure you. I make milk. Not a superhuman power, you say, but something private that shouldn’t be shared? Crazy talk. And here’s why: I don’t like to brag, but my milk is pretty darn incredible.

For one thing, it sustained two human beings for six months each. No other foods required. And while doing that, it protected them against cancer, diabetes, heart disease and obesity — all of our nation’s top killers. It also enhanced their brain development. In fact, a recent study of more than 14,000 children found that breast-fed kids have higher IQs and better performance scores in school. My milk protects me, too. Not drinking it, silly, Making it. By allowing my body to engage its superhuman power, I’ve protected myself against breast cancer and ovarian cancer. Breast cancer alone kills more than 40,000 women annually and it runs in my family. So maybe, just maybe, I’ll escape a diagnosis. Speaking of cancer, new research has even found that a protein found only in breast milk actually kills cancer cells. The protein causes cancer cells — every type of cell tested — to commit suicide. See? My superpower might eventually lead to the cure for cancer. Can’t get much more superhuman than that. And if that weren’t enough, my superpower put my kids to sleep. It was the only thing that stopped the colicky screaming of my infant daughter. When my son was a baby, it comforted him through his bout with the stomach ﬂu. It was the only food item that I didn’t clean up off the ﬂoor. And … (What there’s more? Crazy, I know.) … my superpower has provided me with some of my sweetest and proudest parenting moments. My daughter, who is now 1 year old, moves nonstop. But, for my milk, she snuggles close. She rests her little head on my breast, stares up into my eyes and I tell her

about the things I hope for her and about what type of woman she could become. In those moments, I’m nourishing more than just her body. I wasn’t just “handed” this superpower, by the way. I fought for it, like most of us with this particular power do. I endured blisters and bleeding where there should never be blood. I battled the pump, and won. I practiced and practiced and practiced — until I was able to breast-feed while holding my baby in one arm and typing/gesturing/reading stories/loading the dishwasher with the other. With all that my superpower has to offer, it’s shocking that sometimes I’m shunned. Once, in my car at Sonic, I was asked to move my vehicle. Another time, someone told me that nursing a child older than 1 year of age was disgusting. It’s not just me, either. It happens to almost every person with my particular superpower. We are asked to leave restaurants. We’re called names. We’re told to stop talking about it, because just mentioning that we breast-feed hurts other women’s feelings. We’re sent to the bathroom to feed our babies. If someone was pedaling bottled cures to cancer or a canned beverage that reduced the risk of diabetes by about 40 percent, do you think they’d be asked to sit on a ﬁlthy restroom ﬂoor while doing it? Bottled. Ah. You’ve found it — my superpower’s only weakness. Seems the packaging of my superpower has American culture all atwitter. In a society where sex sells, a baby attached to a nipple threatens to undermine not only our culture, but also a multi-million dollar industry. My daughter refused to accept her superhuman

drink from any place but the source. Makes sense when you think about it — I like my produce fresh, too. Would you want to drink something that had been frozen for months, then thawed and reheated? And to tell the truth, it suited me just ﬁne. My electric pump isn’t nearly as cuddly as my daughter. And it’s a terrible conversationalist. Plus, why in the world should such a tremendous superpower be hidden? Horses don’t duck behind trees to feed their young. Monkeys sure as hell aren’t shy. If you’re really scared of a nipple, aren’t you forgetting that the cream for your Starbucks Frapuccino came from a cow’s teat? Now, I don’t just whip off my shirt. When my babies were newborns and breastfeeding was a challenge, I always used a nursing cover in public. Later, when we were pros, I could order dinner at a restaurant while nursing without a cover — the wait staff never knowing a thing. I’m discrete about my power. But I refuse to hide it away because it makes some people uncomfortable. For all of you nursing mothers out there, keep your head up. And in times of doubt, imagine your “fashionable” (really?) nursing cover is a cape and hum yourself a little theme song. You are a superhero. To your children, to your families and to everyone who would like to see a healthier, happier society — including me. Betsy Lee is a Kansas City journalist and columnist who lives in a perpetually messy house with her husband, two children and two pets. She can be reached at contactbetsylee@gmail.com.

Both mother and child beneﬁt from breast-feeding — I’m proof

LI B E RT Y T R I BU N E , T H E K E A R NEY COURIER, THE SMITHVILLE HERALD, GLADSTONE DISPATCH

Losing an unborn child is more than a medical experience Editor’s note: This is the ﬁrst of a two-part story about a Northland mother’s experience with miscarriage and her decision to help teach other women about the choices they have if they ﬁnd themselves in a similar situation. I am writing this in the deepest sadness I have ever known. My baby is dead. I just found out, this morning. Called a missed miscarriage, the baby didn’t die today, but I found out today. I found out in the ultrasound room. One thing I already knew, but came to understand immediately, is that the pain isn’t smaller just because the person is smaller. I can never explain the amount of grief, sadness, shame and guilt that over-

whelmed me when I heard the words, “I don’t see a heartbeat.” After collapsing on the ﬂoor, I needed to regain enough composure to call my husband to come drive for me. It was good to have family involved right away. ◆

◆

The doctor called. Her conversation was riddled with terms like “spontaneous abortion,” “conception material,” “tissue,” “debris.” I cut her off. I said that her descriptions were not working for me, that I just found out that my child had died. She began using corrected terms, and I told her I was not interested in rushing for a D&C at this point.

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Signs of labor have begun. I am preparing for the arrival of my baby. My dead baby. Crying. Wailing. Praying. Asking for an answer. Looking online, every single article discusses chromosomal abnormalities, deﬁciencies in the baby, the lack of value and actual life of the baby, and says that “the baby probably wouldn’t have lived anyway.” None explain what to expect during the course of a miscarriage. None tell me I have the right to value the life, and death, of my baby. None tell me what options I have to honor my baby. I call the nurses a lot. Each has a different perspective — some supportive of our experiences and willing to share what I might anticipate during the birth, and others, quick to dismiss the reality, use terms like “conception material,” “matter,” “menstruation,” “unviable product” and

“don’t bother thinking about it, you probably already ﬂushed it.” ◆

* Must be at least 13 weeks pregnant and a patient of Northland OB & Gyn

◆

I don’t care the cause of death. The cause was only the means. God called my baby home, for a reason. A signiﬁcant, purposeful reason. — John 9:3 And, so help me God, I plan on living that out. But I am so weak, Lord. You will need to show me how. Heidi Faith is a Christian doula, providing support through the birth process. In her blog, Diary of a Doula at www.birthingpains.blogspot. com, she writes about birth-related subjects, what the world is doing with them and what she believes God is doing about them.

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I started to see my child as grown. What if my child had been hit by a drunken driver and died? That’s an easy cause of death — it’s the drunken driver’s fault. But, even though God didn’t ordain that person to drink and drive, He didn’t just say, “OK, Death, go ahead and take some random person.” He ordains death carefully. He chose that innocent person carefully.

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By Jennifer Higgins

Ear piercing is a rite of passage for many little girls.

They envision wearing fancy gold hoops, elaborate feather earrings or even small diamond studs. For some, the fear of the painful piercing is enough to dissuade them — for a while or forever. Others are not discouraged by a little poke, and beg to have their ears pierced.

Earrings & beyond

Is there a magic age to allow children to get their ears pierced? What if they want to move past ear piercing to body piercing or tattoos?

Getting an earful Many parents wait until their children are old enough to take care of the earrings and newly pierced ears on their own. “I want the girls to be able to 100 percent take care of their earrings by themselves. I also have told them that they have to have a tidy room and that earrings have to be stored properly, kept clean, and prove they can take care of their things before I let them,” Kearney mom Jennifer Duncan said. Other parents have a more laid-back approach. “When the girls started asking if they could get their ears pierced, we thought, no problem. Lily was 4, and Ava was 7. Ava had hers pierced ﬁrst, so I’m sure that’s why Lily was ready sooner than the other two,” another Kearney mom, Kara Yarc said of her kids. Once the decision is made, there is a risk for possible complications

How will you respond when your child asks for pierced ears, body art or other permanent modiﬁcations

LI B E RT Y T R I BU N E , T H E K E A R NEY COURIER, THE SMITHVILLE HERALD, GLADSTONE DISPATCH

from infection. Claire’s, a popular place for ear piercing, shares information on the company website to prevent this, along with a video on after care. Anyone younger than 18 must have a parent sign a waiver, and Claire’s staff will do not do cartilage piercing on anyone younger than 13. Infections are common after ear piercing if earrings are not turned every day and cleaned with the proper solution. “Ava’s had a reaction of some sort that is still under investigation by doctors and has had to remove her earrings. Lily has not had any problems,” Yarc said.

Having a mod bod These days, body modification doesn’t end with single- or doublepierced ears. Other piercings are popular as well. Belly buttons, noses, eyebrows, lips and webs — yes, the flaps between your fingers and under your tongue — are trendy places for piercings but require the same extra care. As children get older, these types of piercings seem to be in higher demand, and some teens attempt to achieve the desired look by performing the piercings

JUNE 2, 2011

themselves. This increases the chance of infection because many of these doit-yourself piercings are done in unsterile environments. Linda Riehl of Liberty agreed to nose piercings for both her teenage daughters “only because they threatened to do them themselves.” She made them go to a professional to have it done instead. “My concerns were that they would get infected, but they never did,” Riehl said. Many teenagers move quickly from body piercings to tattoos, and some jump straight to wanting ink. Randi Hobbs’s daughter Carlie has three tattoos. Rather than ﬁght her, Randi made some stipulations before allowing her daughter, now old enough to get a tattoo without parental consent, to get a tattoo. “She had to wait until she was 18 and I would give it to her for her birthday. The requirements were that it was small and could be covered for job interviews,” Hobbs said. Hobbs said having open discussion about tattoos with your children is important, because once a tattoo is there, it’s difﬁcult to un-do them. “Her generation thinks so differently about tattoos than mine does that it is hard to relate sometimes,” Hobbs said.

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LIBERTY TRIBUNE, THE KEARNEY C O U R I E R , T H E S M I T H V I L L E H E R A L D, G L A D S TO N E D I S PAT C H

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LI B E RT Y T R I BU N E , T H E K E A R NEY COURIER, THE SMITHVILLE HERALD, GLADSTONE DISPATCH

While students are enjoying summer break, parents should make certain their children are not taking a vacation from the structured meal schedule and guaranteed physical activity that many beneﬁt from during the school year. Nutrition and education experts warn that for too many kids, summer is a time when bad eating habits can prevail. Child nutrition expert and mother Jodie Shield says, “It can be a struggle to ensure kids are not only having fun, but also getting the nutrients they need, during the summer months, but there are things you can do to make learning about and eating vegetables fun.” To help parents meet their children’s recommended two to ﬁve cups of fruits and vegetables each day, Shield offers these inventive activities and delicious recipe ideas — all guaranteed to help kids love their veggies. ◆ Hit the farmers’ market for a scavenger hunt — Visit your local farmers’ market with the whole family. Divide a list of veg-

etables that includes family favorites and new additions, and let everyone search for their veggies. Once everyone has returned, use the fresh produce to prepare dinner together. ◆ Cool (pizza) down when it heats up — On a hot summer day, let your kids “veg out” with a no-bake pizza. Start with a prebaked pizza crust and spread on a mixture of equal parts low-fat cream cheese and ranch dressing. Encourage your kids to add their favorite veggies on top — try broccoli ﬂorets, bell peppers, portabella mushrooms and diced green onion. ◆ Erect veggie totem poles — Your kids will have a blast turning vegetable kebobs into totem poles. Help them thread fresh vegetables — such as baby carrots, zucchini chunks, diced cucumber and cherry tomatoes — through a wooden skewer. Using their imagination and a little ranch dressing as “glue,” let them make faces with small pieces of veggies. Use the leftover dressing as a dip.

JUNE 2, 2011

Vegetable Garden “Dirt” Cups with Ranch Dip Prep Time: 10 minutes Serves 8 to 10 2-4 cups pumpernickel pretzel or dark corn chip crumbs 2 cups Hidden Valley Original Ranch Light Dressing Variety of vegetables for dipping: mini carrots with tops, pea pods, mini sunburst squash, celery sticks, green beans or whatever your child likes to dip CRUSH the pumpernickel pretzels or dark corn chips until mixture resembles dirt. POUR a layer of dirt crumbs into the bottom of a clear container (or for single servings pour into paper cups). POUR dressing over crumbs then add a thicker layer of dirt crumbs on top. PLACE vegetables into dirt cup or serve them on the side to dip. Visit LoveYourVeggies.com for more fun recipes, tips and activities to help your kids eat right and beat the heat this summer. — Family Features

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Will you ...? i

If you’re older than 15, there’s a little more than a

50-50 chance that you’ve been married. But there’s less than a one in ﬁve chance you have been mar-

The odds are 50-50 you’ll walk down the aisle at least once in your life

ried more than once. That’s what the U.S. Census Bureau found out in its

Survey of Income and Program Participation, which interviewed men and women 15 years and older in about 39,000 households. The results of this survey were released in early May. Among all people 15 and older in 2009, 55 percent had been married once and 30 percent had never been married at all.

LI B E RT Y T R I BU N E , T H E K E A R NEY COURIER, THE SMITHVILLE HERALD, GLADSTONE DISPATCH

At the same time, 15 percent had married more than once, including 12 percent who had married twice and 3 percent who had married three or more times. The findings come from Number, Timing, and Duration of Marriages and Divorces: 2009, which uses data from the Survey of Income and Program Participation to provide a look at topics such as changes in the age at marriage, divorce and remarriage over the years, how long first marriages last, people who have been married multiple times, those who have been divorced or experienced other marital events, and the percentage of currently married couples that include spouses who are both in their first marriage. More than half of currently married couples (55 percent) had been married for at least 15 years, while 35 percent had reached their 25th anniversary. A small percentage — 6 percent — had even passed their golden (50th) wedding anniversary. These percentages are about 1 to 2 percentage points higher than they were in 1996, reflecting both the leveling of divorce rates and increases in life expectancy. For most couples (72 percent), both spouses were in their first marriage. Six percent of those married included a wife in her second marriage and husband in his first, 8 percent a husband in his second marriage and wife in her first, and 8 percent in which both spouses were in their second marriage. A small percentage of all currently married couples (1 percent) consisted of a husband and wife who had both been married three or more times.

JUNE 2, 2011

Other highlights First marriages that ended in divorce lasted a median of eight years for men and women.The median time from marriage to separation was shorter — about seven years. Half of men and women in all the race and Hispanicorigin groups who remarried after divorcing from their first marriage did so within about four years. For all groups of women 25 and older, the majority had married, as had the majority of men 30 and older. About one in five men and women ages 50 to 69 had married twice. Among people 70 and older, 23 percent of men and 51 percent of women had been widowed, and most were still widowed and had not remarried at the time of the survey. A higher proportion of the recently married in 2009 were Hispanic than in 1996. While one in 10 recently married adults was Hispanic in 1996, this increased to one in five by 2009. Changes in the percentage of women who never married between 1986 and 2009 suggest that a higher percentage of black women than white nonHispanic women may never marry.

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TOP 10

1. Ta-da! The Next Cupcake Is ... — The cupcake movement is more around its evolution than its dissolution. 2. Sweet, Heat, Salty and Tart — Desserts don’t always have to be sugary sweet. 3. Wedding Cake Off the Guest List — There’s an overall trend toward a more casual, and less stuffy, lifestyle.

The latest evolutions in the sweet world of dessert

4. Behold the Power of Protein — People are looking for more than a sugar buzz from desserts today. 5. Desserts for Grownups —America’s sweet tooth is maturing.

The Food Channel has been able to identify the most signiﬁcant food trends in dessert for 2011, from

6. Whole Grains and No Grains — This food trend is all about health.

the evolution of the ever popular cupcake to the new

7. Desserts in the Raw — The demand for foods, desserts included, that are far less processed is growing.

raw food movement. “When we took a look at how people are consum-

8. A Touch of Sweetness All Day Long — Sweet little rewards help get us through the day.

ing dessert, one thing became clear: our tastes are evolving and becoming more educated,” said Kay Logsdon, editor of The Food Channel. “We see soci-

9. A Hint of Floral — Subtle hints of ﬂoral have begun to sprout up in the dessert category.

ety trending toward a more casual — and less stuffy — lifestyle. One on hand, we demand less processed

10. Dessert Theatrics — We’re enjoying a little tableside theater when we’re enjoying a nice restaurant dinner.

foods and cleaner labels, but we still allow ourselves to indulge in sweet little rewards that get us through the day.”

Bonus bite: The End of Shareable — Going in with the same spoon for bite after bite has gotten old.

Adventures in Fun.

Give your children the best summer ever!

Enroll Now for Summer and Get Up to

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Get 5 Free Days for Every 6 Weeks of Summer Enrollment. With the Adventures in Fun Summer Program, every day brings something new and exciting. Special one- to two-week sessions in sports, arts and crafts, nature and more will engage, captivate and delight your child.* And best of all, it’s as �� to make every day fun* �� for younger ones* �� with our special school readiness program

For details call 816-407-1414 9071 NE 81st Terr., Kansas City, MO 64158

*’Up To Two Weeks Free’ is a “Fun Pass” which is equal to 5 days of free tuition and is not applicable to activity fees or registration fees. Child must enroll in School Age Summer Camp program to receive “Fun Pass” days. The “Fun Pass” is given after 6 weeks of summer camp tuition is paid in full. Tuition payment is due in full each week; must be paid by check or ACH payment. The 6 paid weeks need not be consecutive weeks of enrollment. The “Fun Pass” can be used at any time after the 6th week of tuition is paid in full. Limit 2 “Fun Pass” rewards per child. Non-transferable, non-refundable; cannot be used in conjunction with any additional offers or discounts; no cash value. Offer not valid for Learning Care Group associates or their immediate families. Offer does not guarantee enrollment. Learning Care Group cannot replace or redeem lost, stolen, destroyed or expired coupons/”Fun Pass”. Must be enrolled by July 1, 2011; “Fun Pass” free days expire December 31, 2011. CODE: 2wkFreeFP 2011. *Programs vary by school. See school for details. La Petite Academy® is an equal opportunity provider.