Roar!

This magazine is not part of an examination of the College counting towards the award of a degree or diploma. Examinations are governed by the College Regulations under the authority of the Academic Board.

Roar 101

Roar and revision procrastination in a modern day context May 2008

INSTRUCTIONS TO CANDIDATES: Time allowed: THREE HOURS. Candidates must read at least THREE articles. Candidates must select at least one article from part A and one from part B. The third article may be selected from either Part A or Part B. Candidates’ selection of articles should allow them to show a broad knowledge of the course as a whole and their answers should be fully reasoned.

This is an OPEN BOOK MAGAZINE. You are permitted to bring any written materials you wish.

Use the materials you have brought with you to help you read the articles concisely. No credit will be given for the reproducation of substantial portions of the materials or the work of other writers.

TURN OVER WHEN INSTRUCTED

roar’s had a good year. Not quite a great year. Not the year I so desperately hoped for, but the foundations are in place for better things to come.

The future’s exciting, but for the first time in six years I won’t have a part to play in it. I’ve spent one year as a section editor, two principal designer, and two in charge of the whole shebang (though one of those was way before your time), and I’ll be honest, I’m jaded. I’ve taken roar as far as I possibly can, and it’s time for the new breed to build on the foundations I’ve laid.

Time to end with a few words of thanks. I want to thank Ralph Redfearn and Alexi Duggins for giving me a chance, inspiring me to care so much about this student rag, and showing faith in me when I had none in myself. A huge thanks has to go to Ed Drummond, who had no sugar, no water, no lemons, but somehow last year, the man made lemonade and stopped roar from going under. I also want to thank this year’s team, who’ve all stepped up to the plate and given me great hope for the future. I’ve fought like cat and dog with almost all of them, but it’s great to know how much they care and that the future of roar is in very safe hands.

Thanks to everyone who’s taken the time to read the magazine – a special thanks to all of you who’ve said kind things, thanks to all who’ve given constructive criticism. But a bigger thanks has to go to all those arrogant, ignorant individuals who’ve just simply told me “roar’s shit”, with no understanding of the work or skill that goes into roar’s production. Everyday for the last twelve months it has been my mission to make you eat your words. I think we’ve done a pretty good job.

If you’re still sniping and griping, speak up and do something about it. Get involved.

Prove us wrong and do a better job. PE

in your roar... photo by peter ellender

. photo by matty smith

news 04 you say, kcl pays?

06 £46,000 for a discount card...

08 you’re fifirred 09 your new king of king’s 10 does kcl hate sport?

12 mac-had-em cup 18 the geek shall inherit the earth 19 break it down 20 gotta bone to pick with you...

22 soc it to ‘em introducing your new president...

features 24 what to do if it’s all too much 26 big brother - more than reality tv 28 military ban - good thing?

30 thirty days sans cigarettes smile, you’re on cctv

lifestyle 32 food glorious food 34 lord of the rings 35 testify my brother, testify!

36 acting up 40 ironman special 44 words and pictures 46 festival fun 48 la musique pop

“My tuition fees greatly Over the past few months KCLSU asked you what you think about student life at King’s and you had a lot to tell us, as we gather feedback in advance of the Quality Assurance Audit which will take place in the academic year 2009/10.

The Quality Assurance Agency is an independent body which works with higher education institutes to define academic standards and quality.

news

news-sport-events-student groups

To gather your opinion we put together an online survey which attracted 245 responses.

The sabbatical officers also went out and about all four campuses to talk to you about teaching quality, facilities, support and the courses on offer at King’s. We also used the course reps we are in touch with and 12 dedicated reps attended forums to tell us what they like and dislike at King’s.

XX | roar | december 2007

The study skills support should be better advertised, including the workshops the English language centre hold on essay writing. Everyone thinks they are just for foreign students.

(Humanities, English, FT, PG, Home) I do not know who all my student representatives are.

(Humanities, English, FT, UG, Home) New Hunts House library should be open 24 hours a day during semester-time.

There is no free study space during exam period.

(Biomedical and Health Sciences, Physiology, FT, UG, Home)

Have we got this right?

Got something you feel should be added to the report? tellus@kclsu.org

appear to be squandered” The big issues Feedback Students do not understand the mechanism of feedback clearly and this could also be the case with staff. Students are not aware of when to expect feedback or in what format this might be presented.

There is no clear idea of what is a reasonable time in which to expect feedback and expectations aren’t clear.

Personal tutors Some students feel confident with their tutors and use them if they have any concerns and are happy that this is the best method.

However, many other students have not had a positive experience with their personal tutor and this can be due to not meeting their tutor or having a tutor who may not have time to dedicate to their tutees. During the induction period at KCL good practice is for students to meet their tutors, however this does not happen consistently across the different Schools.

Joint Honours Students on a joint honours degree at KCL face many problems throughout their studies. Modules choices can be limited and fewer options seem to be available. Feedback can differ vastly between the two departments a student is enrolled with and comparisons can be made easily in relation to the support these students receive.

The support from tutors and during the induction period is variable and students have found there is no real ownership from a department if a student is involved in more than one. During induction periods there seems to be a lack of communication for lectures and students felt that they were left to their own devices.

Accommodation Half of the students who completed the online survey do not have an opinion on the Accommodation Office and whilst this isn’t a negative figure, it could be that students are unaware of this service or it does not offer the assistance that some students would like to receive. Students who commented on this area were those that have lived in Halls or applied for a place in Halls. When it comes to accommodation advice it is clear there is a gap for students who do not want to live in Halls and this needs to be addressed in order for KCL to offer a service, which could benefit all students.

Study space Around a third of the students surveyed are not happy with study space at KCL. This is due to the lack of study space across some of the campuses but also the awareness and atmosphere in these spaces. A recent debate has focused around students being able to study in Chapters at the Strand campus and students have been asked if they would like to study in social space. It was acknowledged by a lot of students that a quiet study space is essential, however having the opportunity to study in social areas is an option they’d like to have.

“Useless” NUS King’s students pay £46,000 to NUS photo by peter ellender

Peter Ellender Hundreds of students were left dejected, despondent, and downcast after proposals to reform the National Union of Students (NUS) were narrowly defeated by a vocal minority of students at the union’s annual conference in Blackpool. The changes required a two thirds majority in order to pass, but came up 25 votes short.

The reforms proposed to take key powers away from annual conference and place these in smaller “zonal” conferences, which would focus on a particular set of issues, more powerful local conferences, and a trustee board, which would hold ultimate legal and financial responsibility for the actions of NUS. At present all key decisions are made by the annual conference, which takes place every spring. Many delegates are left frustrated and disillusioned by conference, which wastes hours discussing irrelevant matters, or debating technical points on how an issue should deliberated.

Critics claimed these changes would make the NUS less democratic, and make the elected leaders of NUS less accountable to those whom they represent. Those supporting the reforms refuted such arguments, maintaining that the reforms were necessary to make the NUS a more accessible, effective body, winning change for students on the issues that affect their day to day lives. Stephen Brown, NUS national secretary described the current democratic structures of the NUS as “useless”.

It’s often all too easy for an

“ordinary” student to wonder why anyone would ever give a shit about a students’ union, but the conference sparked a heated and emotional debate amongst the 1400 delegates.

Those on stage debating the reforms were often drowned out by rapturous applause or choruses of boos, as the meeting became increasingly theatrical. When the results of the vote were announced those “defending NUS democracy” celebrated wildly. Amongst the reformists, many were left numb with disbelief. Others left the conference hall in floods of tears.

The leadership of NUS, who had staked their reputations on the success of the reforms were defiant in the face of defeat.

NUS President Gemma Tummelty told the conference “It was a terrible mistake and will cost us dear…To those who oppose...you will not be given the satisfaction of destroying the NUS.” The motto of the NUS is “unity is strength”, but the organisation’s failure to reform has made a mockery of this maxim. As things stand NUS is in a state of crisis, with some unions considering the possibility of leaving NUS altogether. Regardless of where NUS take these reforms one thing remains clear: in the immediate future there will be no winners, only losers. The losers won’t be “Blairite careerists” or “the giant Marxist debating club”, but millions of ordinary students, whose fate will be decided by the 2009 Higher Education funding review, a fight which a fractured and selfcentred NUS now seems almost certain to lose.

Adam Farley

“NUS can be worthy of our needs and efforts’

When I was elected as an NUS delegate for the first time in 2006 I had a very negative view of what NUS was doing for our students.

Ask anyone, I was the biggest cynic but I began to realise what the NUS could be.

There were great oppurtunities for the NUS to became more efficient, relevant and effective.

How could they do this? You may have guessed, they had to look at their governance, literally unpicking the organisation and attempting to rebuild it. Unfortunately the proposal put forward at this years Annual Conference was defeated by a mere twenty five votes.

My first thought after

fails to change each year. Is this money well spent?

FAQ’s: What the hell is NUS? Isn’t it just a way of getting cheap clothes, CD’s and cinema tickets?

Well, yes and no. Yes, most students know NUS as a means of getting cheap stuff.

The National Union of Students is the national representative body for 98% of students in the UK, with around 5.2 million members.

The NUS is the first point of contact for government on student opinion and they provide training and support for students’ union officers .

NUS Services Ltd negotiates better prices on goods including alcohol that are then sold in students’ union outlets. So it’s thanks to NUS that we get cheap products in our KCLSU bars.

watching the campaign we had spent so much time on go tits up at the last minute was “Bollocks to it all”. Yet almost immeadiately another one replaced it: “Twenty five votes: thats all we lost by. If thirteen people had voted differently, then the motion would have been passed”. Surely if the NUS and its supporters for reform make an even more concerted effort to engage its members it can become an organisation worthy of our needs and efforts.

There is always a need to compromise on certain things to gain the greatest consensus possible but at the same time you will never please everyone.I believe it is essential to continue the fight to create an NUS that

all of our students can use and benefit from.

Who else could act as our national voice and lobby and the government on our behalf?

Is the government more likely to take notice of individual unions or a strong coalition that represents 7 million students up and down the country?

The NUS should focus purely on representing students on the higher education funding debate, representing our medical, dental and nursing students in light of constant Department of Health funding cuts and represent our mature students so heavily affected by the disastrous Equivalent and Lower Qualification funding cuts. Outside of education we

need an NUS who will fight for student housing and the rights of student workers. Leaving NUS now could mean leaving it to an eternal downward spiral of pointless one-upmanship, infighting and political bitching.

King’s students should not be denied an opportunity to have an impact nationally but nor should we be continually subjected to an NUS that doesn’t work for us.

Mahatma Gandhi once said “be the change you want to see in the world” – do we want NUS to work? I reckon we do. Do we want to continue leading the charge for change? I think so.

Pulling out now would be a disservice to students across Britain, not just at King’s.

What is NUS Annual Conference?

The three-day event, held in Blackpool, sees around 1,000 delegates from NUS’ 700+ constituent members attend the event, which is the primary opportunity to shape and direct national policy and campaigns. Major office holders and the ‘Block of 12’ non-specific executive members are also elected, forming the new National Executive Committee (NEC).

Why does passing governance matter?

Because simply put, NUS is a mess. And if students have any chance of stopping topup fees we need a strong NUS to lead the fight.

“YOU’RE FIRED!” KCL graduate feels Sir Alan’s wrath on hit BBC show Peter Ellender A King’s graduate was the first contestant to be fired from “The Apprentice” after making a series of errors in his quest for a six-figure salary, fame, and a job working for Sir Alan Sugar.

Nicholas de Lacy-Brown, who graduated from King’s in 2006 with a first in Law, and a Masters in Medical Law and Ethics was one of sixteen successful applicants amongst thousands of entries for the hit BBC show.

In the first task, the contestants split into two teams, and were challenged by business magnate Sugar to make the biggest profit possible selling fish on a market stall for a day. On the boys team, de Lacy was in charge of pricing the fish for sale. Unfortunately, he priced Lobsters at £4.90 each (only some £18 below the market value) , as the boys were soundly beaten in the challenge. This catastrophic failure was enough to earn him the ire of his team-mates. However, on closer analysis roar suspects that Mr De Lacy Brown did not in fact make a mistake, but was merely attempting to sell up-market food at student-friendly prices. If his work in the field could possibly be justified, his performance in the board room, and snobby attitude could not.

On the boys team there was a clear class divide evident, described by Nick as “a barrier between educated and more kind of...gritty salesman”. He later admitted he had problems having conversations about football, and mixing with everyone in the team In retrospect, this perhaps was not the wisest thing to say to a man who was once the Chairman of Tottenham Hotspur football club, even if this slip did prove to be largely irrelevant. However, it did little to enamour him to either his fellow apprentices, or Sir Alan, a self-made millionaire who didn’t attend university.

He further stated “I am sophisticated person, therefore it’s not always easy to mix with people who come from a less privileged, less cultured background” Sir Alan’s judgment was damning “Nicholas, you told me you had an outstanding pass at 8 | may 2008 | roar

the bar. You weren’t outstanding in this task - you’ve got a big F. You’re fired.”

Before appearing the show de LacyBrown claimed his only failure in life was getting a B grade in his GCSE French, however it now seems likely that this is no longer the case.

Nick’s boasting had angered his fellow compeitors, many of whom were glad to see him fired so early in the competition.

One former King’s classmate was jubilant upon hearing the news, telling roar “I knew he’d screw up” further describing him as a “Typical King’s law student. Posh fart with little ability and less sense”.

Although de-Lacy’s performance on the Apprentice may not be a glowing reference for the employability of King’s graduates, it seems our students’ love of appearing on reality TV shows no sign of coming to an end. Perhaps crappy reality telly will become the career path of choice for our students in the future? Only time will tell.

Watch Nick getting fired online at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5erRyia gd0

The future’s Chris-tal clear Christopher ‘Japers’ Mullan elected new KCLSU President Harriet Arnold Christopher "Japers" Mullan has been elected KCLSU President in a comfortable election victory. He will be joined by Peter Ellender, Tony Sebastian and Emily Rowe as the KCLSU Officer team for the 2008/2009 academic year.

The elections were seen as a great success for KCLSU, as the number of candidates standing for roles increased from 14 to 22 for the eight positions available and voter turnout increased on last year's elections by 400, as 2002 students took to the the polls to

choose their new representatives.

the front, take responsibility and lead”.

Christopher ‘Japers’ Mullan was elected KCLSU President with 648 votes, almost 200 ahead of Dave Garvey, his nearest rival.

Students were impressed by his obvious passion for KCLSU, which has included two years on Student Council, and the past year as a student trustee.

Christopher stood for election despite previously vowing to not stand for a Sabbatical position.

Describing his change of heart, Mullan said “It’s much easier to sit at the back and heckle. The real challenge is to stand up at

Peter Ellender was re-elected as Vice President Student Media and Engagement, although like last year his election was uncontested, meaning students had to choose between him or RON (Re-Open Nominations).

Perhaps eager to avoid another election, students voted overwhelmingly in favour of Ellender staying on for another year.

In a tighr race for Vice President Student Activities and Facilities, Tony Sebastian defeated Chris

Sawyer by less than 100 votes.

By far the closest contest was for Vice President Academic Affairs, as four very capable candidates spent the week of elections trying to convince students that they were the best person for the job. In the end, Emily Rowe won by 53 votes.

In the race for student trustee. a part-time position, Natasha Tanczos won an easy victory, with Tayab Hassan, a first year management student, and Jo Myer, studying her fourth year of medicine also joining the trustee board.

Your new KCLSU Sabbatical Officers. Just because they don’t photograph well, doesn’t mean they won’t be good at their job. roar | may 2008 | 9

Tom’s team Does King’s College London Tom AbouNader This years Macadam Cup was awesome. And only one member of college staff was there to see it.

Some people might see that as a massive cold-shoulder, and in truth it kind of is, but it almost certainly wasn’t intended as such.

So did the college just forget to send the right faces to make the right impression?

Well maybe, but I guess it doesn’t matter really because that’s not the point. An event like this shouldn’t be a matter of appearance making. College staff should be encouraged to go and see what King’s students get up to outside of academia and it shouldn’t be a chore to attend functions like the Macadam Cup. Unfortunately, student activity is one of those things that has never been very high up on the King’s agenda. The college has its own set of logical priorities: ultimately it wants to be one of the most prestigious and academically renowned universities in the world. Indeed, it has never shied away from patting itself on the back every time it moves up in one ranking or another.

Yet the obsession with academic reputation has (in my view) prevented it from seeing some of the quick-wins that can be achieved for its students with a little investment (both personal and monetary) in other areas such of student satisfaction, such as extra-curricular activity.

If King’s wants to develop a broader reputation of excellence, it needs to actively attract students that excel at these non-academic areas. At present it doesn’t because academic skill is always the trump card. And what’s ironic is that everyone will have heard the stories of people being accepted by Oxford or Cambridge, the most academically prestigious universities in the world, specifically for their aptitude for non-academic skills. Rowing or rugby abilities would be good examples. In fact, it’s standard practice in many US colleges.

Even if College doesn’t want to attract

anything other than the highest academic achievers, then it should focus more on aiding the development of the crop of students it does accept. Not by actually organising student activities, but by proactively removing the other barriers to student involvement which are legion.

Development and excellence can’t be achieved without the facilities to enable, students to undertake these activities.

Many, if not most, of our existing facilities are clearly aged and as an example one can point to the fact that the clubhouse at Honor Oak Park sports ground is literally falling down. At this point its future still remains unclear.

Yet, just as important as the development of the facilities themselves, is the change of attitude amongst lecturers and heads of schools. Why? Because they are the ones that can help students get involved. I’m talking about actually keeping Wednesday afternoons free of teaching, or failing that, by providing catch-up or revision options for students who do miss these parts of their course. Why should Wednesdays be timetabled when some of those same departments appear to have Fridays off?

Whilst it is not feasible to have the whole of every Wednesday off, some away matches require serious travelling and exceptions should be made for students competing in sports finals. How many games or competitions have we lost this season because lecturers won’t give in or won’t provide any alternative study options – too many by far I’ll tell you now.

There were 246 different lecture series planned after 1pm this past year, which equates to around 1300 actual lectures.

My opinion is that 1pm is a bit useless because that doesn’t leave enough time to get to our sports-grounds… but it simply compounds the point I’m making. It’s bad for students, and it’s bad for King’s. Why? Because it means the college has less extra-curricular successes to shout about.

Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.

talk hate sport?

Sporting shorts

At the moment KCLSU is the champion of all non-academic involvement; and in truth that isn’t a bad thing. But sporting success is ultimately at the mercy of lecture timetabling; the quality and location of college facilities; KCLSU’s own limited resources and the willingness of College staff to push an active agenda in this area.

If we want to develop and encourage both competitive and participatory sport amongst our student body there needs to be a shift in college mentality and its long term planning. Space is at a premium in London, everyone knows that, but this is something that can not be left to fall by the wayside otherwise it will actually become a reason not to study at King’s.

Will college stump up the cash to properly modernise HOP? Will the replacement for the Greenwood theatre be dedicated space? Will we ever get an appropriately sized indoor sports facility (that could benefit so, so, so many activities)? If not, we are really going to start falling behind some of our major competitors who have themselves invested heavily in these areas.

I hate to bring up top-up fees and the lifting of the cap in 2009, but it is very relevent here. Prospective students will be paying ALOT of money - and they are going to expect and compare what they are offered in return.

Some weeks ago I went to watch the KCL and KCLMS Netball 1’s in the ULU finals.

That match was played in London Southbank University’s very modern, very central and very plush indoor sports hall.

King’s nearest comparison is the clearly dated and much smaller Pavy Gym. I love King’s, but I just wish that King’s loved the qualities of its students that make them individuals and not academic clones.

Varsity results: Men’s Varsity KCL 9 - 18 UCL

in the best performance for a Woman in the league and Julian Hough 10th. The club also had a great day at the Imperial Hyde Park Relays.

Women’s Varsity KCL 0 - 42 UCL

Ulitmate Frisbee: ULU finals results: Badminton Challenge KCLMS 9 - 0 RHUL Women’s Basketball Challenge KCL 61 - 48 SOAS Netball Challenge KCL 1 WON 42 - 38 UCL 1 Netball Reserve KCLMS (3) 36 - 68 UCL (2) Volleyball Challenge KCL (3) 3 -2 UCL

The club put in some of their finest ever performances during the University regionals, held at Royal Holloway. The whole university year builds up to the regional and national tournaments, and thrown were amazing.

The first team came 5th (rising 4 seedings) qualifying for the BUSA Division 2 Nationals. The Schneider Award for Most Valuable Player went to Jesse Hampton for great efforts on offence and defence, bringing to the squad that extra bit of experience necesary.

Macadam Cup: KCLMS 8 - 4 KCL

Running Club: The Running Club have had their best season for several years and finished 7th in the London Colleges’ Mens; league and 10th in the Womens’. Sara Luck put

The second team came 12th (rising 6 seedings) and finished as the highest ranked second team. The Schneider MVP Award went to Jessie Fix whose tireless effort as the chase on defence and great composure on offence were vital to the team’s success.

Twelve sports.

Four years.

One chant:

“You’ll never

win Macadam�

Macadam Cup Roundup

By Boutros Salim In a day that saw many highlights, a few thrashings, some intense match-ups, a bit of drinking and a lot of banter it would be hard to relate everything that went on in so few words.

Nonetheless, there were a few performances I absolutely must comment on. The Netball was one of these. I came into the match halfway through, hot sausage in hand, to find all the viewers completely enraptured with the scenes being played out in front of them: so much so in fact no-one could actually tell me the score.

I do know that KCL eventually won a hard fought victory, despite having played a full length BUSA fixture immeadiately prior to the Macadam Cup matchup - something that certainly must have led them to gain the award of Team of the Day. The women’s rugby match is related elsewhere, as is the men’s hockey and I can confirm both were truely awesome games.

The final scene of combat was on the dartboard. Now it would be fair to say that the quality of play was not 180 standard, but in truth it didn’t matter at all because the crowd in the clubhouse was super vocal anyway, which along with the compares commentary made for an ellectric atmosphere. I would also like to say that the Darts Club easily won my Stash of the Day award - total brilliance. As an aside, my Stash of the Year award must go to KCLRFC for their ‘Tour Speedos’ - crotchhuggingly intense.

The festivities went on well into the night, with the solid silver Macadam Cup eventually making its way back to Guy’s Campus unscathed after a few more joyous competitors took a more personal interest in determining its mode of travel and eventual whereabouts.

Refreshments were aplenty throughout the event with a seemingly unlimited supply of One Water being given out and a large amount of the finest juniper juice disappearing with a predictable haste.

Final score was 8 – 4 to KCLMS.

The Macadam

When ladies played like kings. Again.

Women’s rugby: KCL WRFC 15 - 12 KCLMS WRFC Fay Jones Going into the match, KCLMS were undoubtedly the favourites. Having beaten Kings the week before for the second time this season; a hat-trick seemed inevitable. However, King’s arrived at Berrylands hoping to repeat last year’s famous victory.

Early on, it was obvious that King’s had put the previous week’s loss behind them.

Under the hot sun, it quickly became clear that the fitter team would dominate. Pack leader, Caroline Thurston, stamped her intent and orchestrated a powerful scrumming force, showing the Medics that they would not be playing the same team as a week ago.

A quarter of the match gone and Kings deployed their powerful new centre partnership. Captain Cat Jones and former no 8 Fran Lee worked doggedly and were rewarded when Lee powered through a weak medic tackle, showing four medics the palm of her hand before sliding over for the opening score.

KCLMS continued to play their knife edged game. Less sympathetic referees would have gone looking for a card, given the number of times the Medics were penalised for playing the ball on the ground. Even with the KCL scrum half holding the ball up over the line, KCLMS’s pit-bull like no 8 was awarded her try. However KCL remained hungry. The Strand women fought hard, winning balls from their bitterest rivals regularly. With seconds to go before half time, forward momentum was used to rumble towards the try line. New forwards Elin Tomos and Ella Blunt offered superb support to allow Cindy Chungong to find the line, putting KCL 10-5 up.

After the break, the Medics found themselves again under the cosh as they were worn down by KCL’s tenacity.

Impressive line breaks from Emma Newport and Abby Tetteh gave King’s space until the Medics infringed again. Caroline Thurston marshalled her troops brilliantly, outgunning the Medics with a shrewd attacking move which put the underdogs ten points clear.

Some Medic pride was restored as they sharpened up their handling skills. Showing the awareness of the previous week, which had so far eluded the Medical side, KCL’s defence was broken a second time. As the try was converted, leaving twenty minutes remaining, the tone of the match changed from that of a mildly heated local derby to the match of the season.

What followed was an immense defensive display from KCL. KCLMS only needed to score a second time and the victory would be theirs. Kings then showed the ‘blitz mentality’ which has characterised their season. Battling at every ruck and maul, Kings gave every last ounce of effort, resisting the desperate attempts the Medics made to illegally hold onto the ball.

A final scrummage gave the Medics a faint hope – however KCL held on, passed the ball into the hands of Fran Lee who thumped the ball with all she had into touch. Blowing his whistle, the referee signalled that KCL had earned a momentous, glorious and emotional victory.

Cup 2008

photography by edwin halliday

KCLMS tell KCL

Men’s hockey : KCL 2-2 KCLMS (KCLMS won 4-3 on penalties) Chris Brolly Arguably the most exciting match of the Macadam Cup 2008, KCL and KCLMS men’s hockey teams battled it out for 70 minutes of equal hockey at Berrylands, before the game was eventually settled by the ever-dreaded format of penalty flicks, the Medics’ coming out on top.

Perhaps the inseparable nature of the two sides was to be expected – under the captaincy of Chris Mills, KCL finished third in their BUSA league. Similarly, KCLMS have managed to win 5 games this season and score 29 goals in the process whilst competing at a higher level than KCL. The contest began tentatively with the teams being deadlocked in the midfield but was soon sparked into life following an altercation between a Kings’ defender and one of the KCLMS forwards that saw the medics take the ascendency with some sustained pressure in the KCL half. King’s seemed to have weathered the storm of free-hits and long corners until KCLMS’ Phil

Walker was threaded through on goal down the left hand side and managed to force a shot in past the desperate attempts of King’s sweeper Strobl to clear off the line.

Buoyed from taking the lead, The artists formerly known as ‘GKT’ pressed on and promptly doubled their advantage with a goal from captain Mihir Shah. KCL found themselves two goals down at half time to their bitter rivals.

What happened after the break was nothing short of extraordinary. Spurred on by an inspirational half-time team talk by the skipper Mills, Kings immediately took the upper hand and controlled the early possession in the second half. Battling against difficult playing conditions and a somewhat partisan crowd, KCL reduced the deficit to a single goal after finally converting one of a series of penalty corners. Mills slipped the ball wide to Feathers on the right hand side of the area, and Feathers made no mistake in drilling a low finish in past the KCLMS ‘keeper. Then, in the blink of an eye, Kings drew level, with

Yuzo Soda notching the equaliser past a stunned medics backline. With the score tied the game threatened to disintegrate as tensions between the two sides boiled over in the form of a series of scuffles between opposing players following a cynical foul on Kings’ Strobl as he carried the ball out of defence. Once calmed down, the teams continued in cancelling each other out, with a few dangerous crosses into the KCL box the only incidents of note in the game’s final stages.

With the umpire signalling the end of seventy minutes the teams put their differences aside and shook hands, both equally disappointed to have not secured victory outright and having missed the opportunity to put one over the ‘old enemy’. However, Shah and Mills promptly agreed that penalty flicks was the only way in which to decide a winner out of two teams that were totally inseparable over the period of normal game time. The climax to this epic tie took place in front of a large crowd and, rather fittingly, saw both teams

where to stick it

Women’s hockey: KCL 0-15 KCLMS Chris Brolly once more deadlocked on 3 goals out of their 5 regulation penalty flicks: KCLMS’ Cockcroft, Torrance and Pachchigar putting away their flicks and Kings’ Hallam, Mills and Strobl producing equally unstoppable efforts.

And so the teams arrived at sudden death. Walker, scoring the winning penalty after Hallam’s second attempt was shut out. Therefore, the match eventually came to a conclusion, with the Medics just pipping their rivals at the death, with Hew Torrance of KCLMS receiving the Man of the Match award for sterling defensive work throughout.

Without resorting into the age-old sports writer cliché that ‘it was a match that neither side deserved to lose’, it is perhaps best to conclude that the fiercely competitive, exciting, vergingon-volatile and inseparable nature of the KCL and KCLMS men’s hockey sides makes next years match-up a tantalising prospect.

KCL, fielding a significantly weakened side following a fixture clash with their BUSA Cup tie against the University of Portsmouth, were drubbed 15-0 by their rivals KCLMS. However this takes nothing away from an excellent KCLMS side.

The game began with the Medics exerting early pressure on the King’s defence, culminating in the successful conversion of several penalty corners. Whilst the King’s defence bravely resisted wave after wave of KCLMS attacks, the medics were just too strong for their opponents, combining tremendous pace and stick skills to get in behind the King’s defence and create several goal-scoring opportunities. KCL rarely ventured into opposition territory and were glad to hear the half-time whistle, at which point they found themselves ten goals down.

The second period commenced in a manner similar to the first, with KCL having to defend their goal from

continuous KCLMS onslaughts. Despite confidence being dented by their first half mauling, Kings’ put up a real fight with some dogged defending and decisive goalkeeping holding the medics’ largely at bay. Nevertheless, KCLMS managed to add five more to their tally before the half was out, reasserting their claim as the dominant women’s hockey team of the university.

Although the result reflected the gulf in class between the two sides, KCL deserve as many plaudits as their medic counterparts for embracing the challenge presented by the Macadam Cup and competing in a sporting manner throughout. This is best demonstrated by the fact that the King’s goalkeeper Laura Jeffries was handed the Player of the Match award, an accolade that she was quick to share with her defence who made several significant challenges, blocks and interceptions in an admirable, if not fruitful, overall performance from the KCL women’s hockey team.

GeekSoc seek to facilitate and organise events in a wide variety of genres. From screenings of Japanese cartoons to running evenings where you can sit round a table and pretend to be a dwarven trollslayer, if it’s geeky, they will fix it for you. Determined to get rid of the stereotype that all geeks stay at home permanently plugged into World of Warcraft, they also have a number of social events including weekly pub meets (you may have seen them in the Knights Templar battling each other at fantasy card games), termly quizzes to test your geeky knowledge and even, on occasion, the odd pirate-themed party. This term they even took over the history department and turned it into a video gaming tournament extraordinaire, with one room seeing a great showdown of Guitar Hero III experts and another the ferocious battles of Soul Calibur II. In their first term as a society alone, they held over 50 events – each and every one of them well and enthusiastically attended.

They are looking to finish their very first year of existence in style, holding amongst other things a live-action roleplay in the Star Wars universe (standing round in costume pretending to be a Jedi – also known as an excuse to play with lightsabers), and keeping their members amused right into the dark and dismal days of the examination term.

For GeekSoc, the only way is up; with a large and highly active member base who love to organise their own events as well as

18 | may 2008 | roar

take part in others, hardly a day goes by when something fun isn’t happening.

There’s always something in the pipeline and even if there isn’t, the society is fast becoming a great community of friends who just enjoy to spend time with one another – and love to see new faces in the collection.

So why not come and be a part of one of KCLSU’s newest and most exciting societies?

If you’re interested in the society but don’t know where to go, why not look at their

KCLSU award-winning website, http://www.kclgeeksoc.org.uk? Not only can you find a list of events there, but you can chat to all the members on the highly popular forums so that when you turn up to an event it’s not quite so terrifying. Feeling a little braver? Why not drop into the Knights Templar on Wednesday afternoons after 2pm – they’re usually found up the stairs to the right (sometimes left), surrounded by Magic: The Gathering cards. The society look forward to meeting you – in the meantime, may the force be with you!

Rath Balasubramaniam It was our first ever crew battle, and it may well have proven to be our most memorable. Breakin’ KCL travelled all the way up to Newcastle on the 16th of February for the annual InterUniversity Breakdance Championships, and no one could foresee the legendary impact the King’s College London crew would have on the vibe of the whole competition. It was true London-Town flavour at its finest.

Waking up at 4.30am was no easy feat, but it was made slightly easier with the craziest of us ringing each other up and going for “Whazzuuuup!” yells down the phone. King’s Cross at 6.30am was the plan, and somehow the whole crew managed to get there on time.

What we didn’t plan for was being told that we had no tickets to travel with by the people at the ‘assistance’ desk.

Saving a rant about Virgin trains and their communication skills, we managed to sort out tickets for the 9am train!

Jumping on in true Indiana Jones fashion, we got to hyping each other up with talk of battle tactics. There was a lot of multiplayer Mario Kart DS flying around, as well as one too many Turkish meatballs. With plenty of persuasion on our part we also managed to get the man in charge of the competition over the phone to delay the registration for the battles. We were almost there…

Arriving at Newcastle and launching ourselves onto four taxis, we rushed off to Newcastle University despite having no idea where the student union was. We found the venue in the end - we

rushed in, and all eyes were on us as we walked through the doors with true London style (i.e. very late and very flustered).

The preliminary battles were quick to begin, and we were paired up against Loughborough University. We were determined to show what we were truly about and how King’s College London simply oozed badass. We huddled around and put our hands together, and despite the temptation to quack we settled for a loud “KCL!” cheer instead.

“Judges are you ready?

B-boys are you ready? People, are you all ready?”

DJ Timber hit the beat off and our crew showed both attitude and finesse as we rocked the beats and hit freezes, but it became increasingly apparent

that this Loughborough crew was made up of beginners. With a hyped crew vibe and grins on all our faces, the three judges voted in our favour. We all raced to the middle and struck all kinds of poses, which looking back on it now was probably our way of celebrating our first ever win! We congratulated Loughborough for a battle wellfought, and then ran off to celebrate even more!

The quarter finals had begun.

We were to battle Newcastle the home crew, the crowd favourites and the owners of the championship title a few years ago. Newcastle stared at us all like we were small fry. The music pumped ominously and the battle roared off to a start, with every one of our B-boys taking it to the floor and making the music their own, whilst throwing a few not-suitable-for-work gestures Newcastle’s way.

Newcastle was strong as they threw out footwork and power; the battle soon became one of legend as the judges deemed it worthy of a tie-breaker. With stamina running low, we pulled out a roaring crew routine in reply to Newcastle’s flips and tricks. The judges were convinced. We’d just beaten Newcastle in battle!

We were bested in the semifinals by eventual winners Edinburgh, but it simply didn’t matter. We came to earn respect for KCL and London.

We left with that and a whole lot more - a true understanding for what it means to be a crew. This experience is undoubtedly one that we’ll all look back on with smug thoughts, and until then we’ll all be training hard. We’ll be gunning for the championship title next year!

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In 2007/08 KCLMS Marrow continued the success of last year, holding clinics at 3 of the main King’s campuses: The Strand, Guy’s and Waterloo. We organised 3 one-day clinics in November 2007, signing up 171 people on to the bone marrow register, and three in February 2008, signing up a further 111 people.

This year, as well as signing up as many students as possible on to the

register, our focus was on training, as the current committee will be passing Marrow on to fresh faces in 2008/2009. We had several training evenings, and produced a counseling pack for all new Marrow members. All our keen new members were encouraged to come to as many of the clinics as possible, to see firsthand how a clinic works, and so that we could train them up as counselors. By the end of February, Marrow had 14 new fully trained counselors.

Fundraising has been very busy

with our hugely popular speeddating event in Feb, where 100 lucky singles searched for their valentine (see article below). We have also raised money with tube station collections, ushering at KCL music society events, held a raffle at the Macadam Cup, and brought a bit of psychedelic colour selling glow sticks at numerous truffle shuffles and our very own Marrow ‘superhero’ Phase!

We also had a very kind donation of £200 from the KCL Gospel Society. This year we have raised approximately

£2900 for the Anthony Nolan Trust. This has been a very busy and successful year for KCLMS Marrow on all fronts, but really our greatest success is our volunteers, and the time, effort, creativity and enthusiasm they have all put in to Marrow and all the support we have had from students at King’s.

We would also like to thank the many companies who have helped us this year including Patisserie Leila, Evans Bicycles, London Dungeons, Majestic Wine and Anj Saby from radio

Marrow at the truff Truffle Shuffle is a night never to be forgotten, always alive with music, lights and many King’s students dancing the night away, however, there have been two nights this year when there was an extra special glow about the place. KCLMS

MAY 30th

Marrow was out in force, with one mission: sell as many glow sticks as possible!

Much to our delight, our fellow students didn’t disappoint and supported us throughout the night. We raised £200 on the

first night and £214 on the second, so we would like to say a big thank you to everyone who was there and got into the spirit of the 80’s Marrow style!

Look forward to seeing you all at the final Truffle of term 29th May!

Got a (speed) date with fate sit patiently waiting for the guys to find their first person, and the dating to begin.

Maissa Rosie and Duana Cook

It was a blustery evening in mid- February but in Apt Bar a magical transformation had taken place for the annual Marrow Speed Dating event. The sparkle of heartshaped confetti reflected in the eyes of eligible bachelors as they descended the steps into the bar. Girls shed their coats in the balmy atmosphere within, taking in the glittering surroundings as they surreptitiously glanced at what was on offer.

Looking around the room, it was truly exquisite.

The warm glow of the

candlelight created an enchanted aura, giving us the feeling that tonight … anything could happen. As the girls were told to take their seats, according to the numbers that we had been given when we came in, neither of us could help but eye up our competition, which was fierce to say the least! Our eyes met across the room, and, with a groan of despair, we simultaneously reached for the drinks that we had eagerly purchased before the end of happy hour.

Thankfully, our ‘sex on the beach’ cocktails soothed our nerves and stilled our pounding hearts perfectly, allowing us to

We knew how it was supposed to work: a circuit of twenty five 3 minute dates with a whistle to signify the start and finish of each, at which point the guy would move on to the next girl in the circuit. Initially all went according to plan and, aside to being subjected to a few sleazy questions by one date in particular, we didn’t even have to console ourselves with the fact that we were doing it for a good cause; we were really enjoying ourselves! As the evening wore on and the bar tills kept ringing however, the guys began to have more of a problem navigating their way to their next date. One of us somehow managed to date the same guy twice, whilst the other had trouble getting one date to leave. Obviously, there were some awkward moments and situations. Getting to the end of

one date and realising that she had spent the whole 3 minutes drilling the guy about the pros and cons of doing an Intercalated BSc after second year without even asking his name left Maissa a little shamefaced. However munching on the marshmallows that adorned the tables helped us through those sticky patches and you could always pretend to be behind on filling out your score sheet if things got particularly uncomfortable!

As the dancing flames of the candles died and the bar emptied, we eventually stumbled back into the cold London night to begin our journey home. We were still excitedly exchanging experiences and hopes of what may come in the keenly anticipated emails and whether, at next year’s event, we’d be joining the other loved-up Marrow girls as facilitators rather than participants?

Marrow awareness day Marrow campaigning reached fever pitch on the 27th of February as part of KCLSU’s Volunteer Week.

The day began early for many of the dedicated Marrow girls with station collections in every corner of central London. From 7am commuters at Paddington, Borough, Aldgate East and Vauxhall were greeted by our enthusiastic bucket-shakers, who were as keen to tell Londoners about the charity as they were to collect coins.

Many methods were tested; offering interested glances information about The Anthony Nolan Trust, targeting the suited and booted, catching open wallets at the Oyster machine and the good old hearty shout.

All seemed to do the trick getting a great response with some stations collecting more than £200 over the morning rush hours.

Time for a quick lunch break then to continue the campaign, and what better place than Kings’ sporting event of the year, the Macadam Cup. Still armed with buckets and leaflets galore we headed off to Berrylands to set up our stall. It was a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon of handing out refreshments and support to the players, culminating with the

awards ceremony and the draw for our lucky raffle winners. With a snowboard, bike vouchers, perfume, champers, cakes and more up for grabs it proved popular and many went home (or to the bar) happy. As did all of the Marrow team, so thanks go to those who helped us to raise the £800 we did that day and we hope you enjoyed yourselves!

Ain’t no mountain high enough...

Anna Maarova February saw KCL's Mountaineering club host the biggest climbing event for students in London. This second edition of the London Universities Climbing Competition featured 11 teams from UCL, Imperial, LSE and King's to see them measure their strength, agility and alcohol tolerance in this all-rounded sport.

Three teams from LSE, three from UCL, two from Imperial and three from King's, all consisting of one girl and two guys, gathered on this Wednesday in The Castle, London's famous indoor climbing centre. Air filled with chalk particles and rather unfriendly smells emerging from the 33 pairs of never-washed climbing shoes, Audrey, the Castle's manager, talked us through the rules of the competition. "Climb as many bouldering problems as possible in 3 hours. There are 20 problems in ascending difficulty,

two bonus problems, three allowed attempts on each."

Rather straightforward, I think. I understand the difficulty when I see one of the bonus problems: one hold about 5 feet from the ground, another one 5 feet up.

That's it. Get to the top of the wall with that. Straightforward, right…

After three hours of intense climbing, jumping, bridging and stretching, tea was had by most participants while Becky, the organizer of the competition and our Gear Secretary, counted the points. It was close. LSE came first with 514 points, King's second with 487 and UCL third with 454. Oli from Imperial was the Best Male with 190 points and Marte from LSE Best Female with 170 points. Fair enough, we didn't get the prestigious cup but at least we settled the scores with UCL who beat us last year.

Much merriment was shared at the Waterfront later on. LSE

celebrated with/from their much deserved cup and we all joined in in further team building competitions: the Boat race was dully won by King's, of course.

The Mountaineering Club has many other events planned for the rest of the year. Our bouldering team irecently finished 14th out of 28 teams in the Southern Counties University Bouldering League.

The League was very challenging this year and this result reflected some extraordinary climbing skills.

Daurada is as close as you can get to that picture. The unspoiled nature of the Alps will be explored in June during our yearly, two-week mountaineering trip. And finally, we will hopefully get the funding for our expedition to the Denali National Park in Alaska, where we want to climb some of the most challenging peaks on the world.

If you want to find our more, check out our website for recent trip reports, great photos and useful info: www.kclmc.org.

As for our famous trips, this year is particularly busy. We climbed a dozen of frozen waterfalls in the Ecrins during Christmas and are moving onto the sun-bathed barren Spanish rocks in the last week of March. The Spanish rock offers an amazing opportunity to try out our Mission Impossible signature moves on which we have been working during the last year, as the scenery of the Costa

I wanna take you to a gay (lesbian, bisexual, transexual, transgender) ball...

Pennie Varvarides London universities have joined forces to create super cool end of year LGBT ball where students from all different universities have a chance to come together, meet new people, get

pretty drunk and do so looking totally awesome.

To make the night even better we have arranged to have Dame Amy DJ the night, who DJs in the pop room at Popstarz and at Wigout at The Ghetto.

For more information contact the Kings LGBT : info@kingslgbt.org.uk Theme: Formal / Smart The Glitterball is being held on Wednesday 4th June 2008 7.30pm to 2am

Venue: Golden Lion, 2 Britannia Street WC1X 9JE Tickets: £5 (All people, guests with students)

...Ain’t no river wide enough Daniel Grace Have you experienced the adrenaline, the wind on the back of your neck, the spray on your skin as you fly along, leaning out of a boat on just a wire, zipping across the surface of the waves? No? Well what are you waiting for?

Come and join the KCLMS Sailing Club. It does not matter if you are a complete beginner or a master yachtsman, if you want to race or just relax in a boat.

KCLMS Sailing Club is part of the United Hospital's Sailing Club which is an association of sports and arts societies for medical students from across London but our sailing club is open to medics and non-medics alike.

We want to introduce many new people to the sport as well as to see some familiar old faces and to continue the traditions established by the UHSC. We hope to have joint events with the other medical schools and have a very successful year! Our planned events include weekend sailing, social drinks in many local pubs and our famous end of year tour down to the Isle of Wight!

We are predominantly based at

the Medway Yacht Club, which has a selection of boats including laser II’s and a laser 4000. We will have our first weekend of the season sailing here. Sometime in March, when we hope to camp out and make a weekend of it!

If you are interested in getting involved please have a look at

our website: www.gktsailing.bravehost.com or email: gktsailing@googlemail.com.

Alternatively we have two facebook groups, one for the United Hospitals Sailing club and another for the KCLMS Sailing Club.

As we are a fairly new club there are many committee positions up for grabs and we are open to many new ideas! I hope to see you soon for some sailing, if in doubt drop us an email and come and try it out!

KCL Student Centre Project The College has initiated a project to introduce a student centre in B1 of the Macadam Building of the Strand Campus by September 2008.

A Project Board, at which KCLSU are represented, will be accountable for the success of the project which is divided into four project workstreams.

The aim is then to extend the concept to the other campuses.

The student centre will be a purpose built area that accommodates a number of activities and functions ‘wrapped around’ by improved reading and study space for students.

Project Board members have the authority to make decisions and provide commitment of resources to the project. The project board will manage by exception, delegating the dayto-day running of the project to the Project Manager (project manager). The Project Manager

will plan, co-ordinate and report on the activities of the four project workstreams. KCLSU Sabbatical Officers are representing the student body on each workstream. These are physical development, service definition, information resources and communication.

The suggested work content that we can realistically aim to have in place by September is all built around; documentation, information, providing links, owning issues.

The deadline of September is challenging, but we need to consult as widely as possible across the College community – particularly key stakeholder in the process. So if you would like to join one of the consultative panels, which will be meeting starting in the week beginning 5 May, or if you have any questions you would like to ask, please contact us at studentcentre@kcl.ac.uk

Light at the Whether it be stress or depression Hannah Gillott

features

You may remember during Freshers’ Week being warned about the ‘six week slump’, the point where first years commonly suffer a drop in their enjoyment of university. At the time I thought smugly to myself, ‘That won’t happen to me’. It still pains me to admit how boringly predictable I was – after six weeks exactly, I went home to visit my family and found myself dreading returning to London alone.

As much as university is about new experiences, it is also about leaving old ones behind.

For me, it wasn’t just leaving my friends, family and boyfriend that made the first couple of months difficult; it was the change in my routines. It seemed, for a while, that everything I loved was back home in Suffolk, and just as everyone around me had suddenly discovered their new best friends and forgotten all about home, I was missing it more than ever. Going out seemed an exhausting chore, and my boyfriend spent many an evening trying to convince me that I’d regret dropping out later on. Things were made worse by the fact that two weeks of drinking vodka by the bottle and living off Basics biscuits inevitably led to an epic battle in doing up half my wardrobe.

Rock-bottom was a tearful train ride back to London with a pair

of trousers two sizes bigger than normal in my bag and the feeling that I’d failed as the funloving young person I was meant to be. But, luckily, I stayed predictable, and just as everyone insisted, I got over my low period, and am pleased to say I now love university more than ever. However, some of us don’t recover from the rough patches quite so easily.

It might surprise you to read that, according to figures released by The Association for University and College Counselling (AUCC), which represents a large number of university counselling services, while 25% of us will suffer a mental health problem at some point in our lives, the incidence is highest amongst students.

The AUCC reports that, in any single year, 3-10% of the student population will have contact with its counselling services – that means that potentially, one in ten of your friends, one could have been in touch with the AUCC during the last year. It seems pretty obvious that depression and mental illness are big problems within the student population, so why is it a taboo subject?

At my lowest point I remember telling a friend that university was a long way off the three years of non-stop fun I’d expected, and she agreed that there was so much pressure on

students to get drunk, go out, and generally have the time of their lives, that nothing in reality could live up to such expectations. And yet, it is still taken as fact that university WILL be the best time of your life.

None of us can claim to be unaffected by the sudden, often new, pressure of handling a loan, cooking every day, balancing work and play without your mum or dad there to keep an eye on you, making new friends, finding your way around a strange city, and adjusting to a new style of teaching.

As the summer holidays loom, along with the end of lectures, there’s now the added pressure of coursework and dissertation deadlines, and, dare I say the word, exams. I doubt a single person reading this can claim never to have complained about exam stress or pressure, but it seems that for this feeling to carry on all year, getting worse and worse, is just not the socially acceptable thing.

There are plenty of places to go for support if alarm bells are ringing for you or a friend – help is everywhere, but I firmly believe that if we are going to make any real progress in tackling depression amongst students, it needs to become okay to admit, every now and then, that university can be

end of the tunnel help is on hand if you need it. rubbish, you miss home or you can’t cope with the strain of being permanently skint anymore. Wanting to stay in alone on a regular basis when all your friends go out does not mean you’re boring – you may just need to talk to someone, and address whatever it is making you feel so low.

Depression is not an illness only affecting the elderly, unemployed, or those who are too lazy to pull themselves together. It is real, it is common, and it is something that can be alleviated if we’re all prepared to look out for each other and lay aside our preconceptions.

The Signs

Students Against Depression, an internet group formed by students affected by mental illness, list the warning signs for when a bit of pre-exam stress has become something worse. These include: • A persistently sad, anxious or low mood • Loss of interest in activities you used to find interesting • A change in sleeping patterns, lethargy or decreased energy • Loss of appetite • Restlessness • Increased tearfulness

Who can help?

• www.studentdepression.org offers advice from students with experience of depression.

• Nightline offer a listening service on 0207 631 0101, between 6pm and 8am every night during term time. Also online www.nightline.niss.ac.uk, or listening@nightline.org.uk •The King’s College London Health Centre also offers a free counselling service.

roar | may 2008 | 25

The

s ’ g n i t i wr all

w e h t on ID cards threaten liberty Alexander Tamosius It’s hard to criticise ID cards without slipping into the Orwellian clichés I’m expected to use as a philosophy student. Benjamin Franklin famously wrote in the Historical Review of Pennsylvania: “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

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Obviously Benjamin’s slaves’ liberty wasn’t essential, and the quote encapsulates the liberal stand against any attempt to justify anything beyond the minimal state and Boris Johnson. Clearly we must give up some security to establish some safety, or there’d be little point in establishing a government at all. However, ID cards do not even begin to justify the liberties they take away, neither from a monetary, nor a moral perspective.

Professor Rik Coolsaet of International Relations at Ghent University, and Director of the Security and Global Governance Department at the Royal Institute for International Relations in Brussels led the “Evolution of Terrorism 2005” report. He concluded there’s an enormous gulf between perceptions of terrorism, both public and governmental, and the actual threat, stating the vast majority of terrorist activity is concentrated in the Middle East.

Even ignoring this, the former director-

general of MI5 Dame Stella Rimington has damned them “absolutely useless” for counter-terrorism. Neither the problem they’re designed to solve, nor the solution they offer are valid. We are born with absolute liberty, and any attempt to qualify this by the state must be justified. ID cards have no such justification, and thus not only are they an enormous waste of public money, but are grossly immoral too.

biometric data will be sufficient. The implementation of ID cards will therefore fit the indisputably necessary project of securing verifiable identification. Even better, doing away with a necessary separate card has slashed £1 billion off the initially projected £5.4 billion budget for the scheme, although we can still reasonably expect biometric data to be encoded in dodos’ tears for that sort of money.

The Identity Cards Act 2006 section 1.3 states the scheme’s aims: “(a) the provision of a convenient method for such individuals to prove registrable facts about themselves to others who reasonably require proof; and (b) the provision of a secure and reliable method for registrable facts about such individuals to be ascertained or verified wherever that is necessary in the public interest.” Aim a) at least seems superficially attractive. In March 2007,

Tellingly, Jacqui Smith has pushed back David Blunkett’s 2003 timetable for compulsory ID cards five years to 2018. An ICM survey from February this year shows that while opinion is split in favour of against 50-47, 25% of the public are ‘deeply opposed’ to the idea, compared to 17% last year. Only 12% think it’s a “very good idea”, and crucially to the debate, 52% are “uncomfortable” with government access to such information.

Home Office Minister Joan Ryan proposed plans to prevent the rapid rise in passport fraud, stating, “We will not allow the British passport to become a second-rate travel document, a natural target for criminals.”

Her proposals have borne fruit in Jacqui Smith’s outlines earlier this month of a reconsidered implementation of the scheme, where rather than implementing separate identification, passports and drivers licences containing the relevant

Aim a)’s goals are perfectly defensible, but b)’s brings natural discomfort. Section 18 of the Act gives the Secretary of State the power to use information on the ID card register “without the individual’s consent”, in accordance with the Anti-terrorism, Crime and Security Act 2001 section 17. The “disclosure of information”- as expressed in section 17 - gathered by the scheme will aid implementation of the Anti-terrorism, Crime and Security Act that, chief amongst

its catalogue of injustices, saw nine terror suspects detained in Belmarsh prison for three years without trial from September 2001. George Churchill-Coleman, head of Scotland Yard’s anti-terrorism unit in the late 1980s and early 1990s, stated in 2005 Britain was “sliding into a police state”.

Amnesty International condemned the revision of anti-terrorist measures in the 2001 act contained in the Prevention of Terrorism Act 2005, permitting house arrest without trial, as “a grave threat to human rights and the rule of law”, undermining our basic human rights to: “respect for private and family life, freedom of thought, conscience and religion; freedom of expression; freedom of assembly and association; freedom of movement; fair trial and liberty and security of person.” It’s tough not to slip into Orwellian cliché when the government is one.

ID cards, if implemented, will form part of the current government’s continued unjustified undermining of our liberty that violates even our most basic intuitions of justice. The problem they are designed to solve hardly exists, the solution it offers is negligible, and this will cost £4.4 billion.

Protection from fraud will increase, but protection from fraud always does. Given the monetary and moral costs for this, I can think of nothing whatsoever to recommend the introduction of ID cards to anyone.

roar | may 2008 | 27

issue If King’s students ever wanted an excuse to ridicule our esteemed colleagues at UCL, then their Student Union has been gracious enough to provide us with one. By passing a motion banning the Armed Forces’ student liaison organisations – such as the Officer Training Corps – from UCLU premises and events, they have proven themselves worthy bedfellows of the deluded (but vocal) minority of unreconstructed socialists who haven’t yet noticed the fall of the USSR. The wording of the motion reveals the utter ignorance to which these particular students are often prone: "This union believes that because the British military under the Labour Government is currently engaged in an aggressive war overseas, for the union to use its resources to encourage students to join the military or participate in military recruitment activities at this time would give political and material support to the war."

They have failed to notice the difference between the Government and the Armed Forces. The British military is completely subordinate to the orders of Britain’s civilian authorities. It has no say in where it is deployed, or how much of the annual budget it will get. The top brass, the Chiefs of Defence Staff, may be consulted about operational commitments, but the current over-stretched and underfunded state of the military

28 | may 2008 | roar

indicates that their opinions carry little weight. To blame the Armed Forces for government policy is absurd.

The unreconstructed socialists state in their pointless motion that they are opposed to the war in Afghanistan. Of course, British, US, Canadian and Danish soldiers and airmen are employed there in order to prevent the Taliban from regaining control of this unfortunate country. We could give the vocal socialist minority the benefit of the doubt, and suggest that they have merely forgotten that the Taliban ruled Afghanistan through the use of terror, intimidation and torture; or that the Taliban help orchestrate jihad terrorist attacks throughout the Western world; or that the Taliban have no concept of women’s rights and banned girls from gaining an education. But to give these backward Marxists the benefit of the doubt would be to forget that they have always held romantic views of “freedom fighters”: murderers, thugs and criminals who enjoy terrorising their own people as much as killing members of ancien regime security forces. The

same people who blindly oppose the Armed Forces in UCLU would, if pushed, doubtless say that Stalin’s gulags were all for the greater good, or that Fidel Castro’s poverty stricken Cuba is preferable to yet another evil outpost of capitalism.

The actual process of the meeting was laughable, to say the least. Any employers reading this should be wary of Samantha Godwin, who chaired the assembly, and thus should have been an impartial administrator and overseer of events. Instead, demonstrating all the professionalism of a cowboy builder, she abandoned her chair and voiced her support for the motion. As Live!

(Imperial College’s SU paper) writes; ‘The meeting had emptied drastically when the debate descended into pointless bickering about the War in Iraq and the Dividing Wall in the West Bank region of Israel/Palestine’. UCLU motions require 215 voting members to be present in order to be legitimate. The final count was

89 votes in favour, 59 votes against – the motion was passed nonetheless. Clearly a triumph for our despicable Marxist friends! Do they not wonder why nobody in the real world takes them seriously?

Have they not considered the possibility that such dishonourable and unprincipled actions might be the reason why the term “student politics” is held in such contempt?

If we could stomach the thought of trying to engage with these people in something resembling a reasonable discussion, then a question worth asking would be who do they expect to defend our territory and our lives if we were attacked by a foreign aggressor? Recent peacekeeping operations that the Armed Forces have been involved in are conveniently ignored. Particularly in Sierra Leone and Kosovo, but also in Northern Ireland to an extent, the military has been instrumental in restoring order and ending paramilitary violence.

As stated above, our servicemen and women have no say in where they are deployed, but this does not deter them from risking life or limb in order to follow their orders. It is no act of sycophancy to state that our Armed Forces do an extremely difficult job with a degree of professionalism and determination that is almost unparalleled elsewhere in the world. I suspect they our servicemen not be disheartened by the lack of support shown by UCLU, for they doubtless recognise their motion as being an irrelevant waste of time.

t

Here Ben West and John Cooper argue for and against the UCL military ban. We’d write something wittier here, but to be honest it’s late, and we really can’t be bothered. Sorry.

The decision of University College London (UCL) students’ union to ban the Officer Training Corps (OTC), and other groups associated with the military, is to be welcomed. It is unacceptable that we as students should have anything to do with the military – which has sent many young soldiers from the UK, often from poorer backgrounds, to die in pointless and illegal wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

At the time of writing, 176 British soldiers have been killed as a result of operations in Iraq, and 91 in Afghanistan, with many more wounded or mentally handicapped. In addition, estimates indicate that up to one million innocent people have been killed in Iraq as a result of the occupation, and millions displaced. Figures are less clear for Afghanistan – increasingly the focus of UK operations – although they are likely to be similar to those of Iraq, given the massive aerial bombardment that the country has been subjected to.

War movement stands in that proud tradition.

But the issue has become something of a flashpoint recently, even making the national press, where students were denounced for “not supporting our boys”. The Evening Standard was incredulous, and devoted a front page to the story with the headline “Students Ban the Military”! It is strange, however, that anti-war activists are considered to not support the troops.

Surely, we support the troops when we make the call that they should be brought back home to their families, and out of harm’s way. But this is not good enough for the government and its supporters in the right-wing press. They have failed in Iraq,

where British troops are now on “over-watch” in an airport base, having been forced out of Basra city by the resistance.

voted to oppose military recruitment in schools, and rejected propaganda teaching materials from the MoD that would have fed children the lies that led to war in Iraq.

And they have failed in Afghanistan. A crisis summit was held recently between Gordon Brown and Condoleeza Rice at Downing Street to discuss dwindling troop numbers, and NATO is increasingly concerned that some of its members are not pulling their weight in the face of increasing resistance.In this context, then, those still in favour of the war lash out at any criticism of, and action taken against, their disastrous occupations.

The campaign against military recruitment in universities needs to be generalised across campuses in London and beyond. Every organisation should be held to account on whether it is supporting government atrocities in Iraq and Afghanistan, whether this be academic research groups dealing with “counterinsurgency” tactics, or the OTC recruiting students at freshers fairs.

We should take heart, however, that what is happening at UCL is not isolated. The National Union of Teachers recently

Only then will we begin to get justice for the soldiers, and many innocent civilians, killed in Bush and Brown’s wars.

So given this, why should we give any respectability to the occupations of other people’s countries which have killed and devastated the lives of so many? Why should we let the “war on terror” be glamorised through military recruitment, whether through the OTC or other groups?

Surely we need to expose the terrible reality of war today – and this is what campaigns such as those at UCL have done. Indeed, during the Vietnam War, students were actively involved in similar campaigns, and the Stop the

roar | may 2008 | 29

Thirty days: After an all too painful absence, the jewel in roar’s crown Esther Beadle Esther Beadle is a failure. Now, my family have been saying this for years, but I have always vehemently denied it.

Until now. A good month ago now, I offered my services to the big cheese, Pete Ellender (no, not like that). "Give up for 30 days? I'll do smoking!" Oh, my friends, the fallout was horrific.

Day 1: Not a good start. I smoked my last cigarette for 30 days yesterday afternoon, full of conviction and stead-fast hope. Five past twelve this morning, as people gather for that one last "smirt" of an evening, I sit in my room, gazing forlornly out of the window.

Look at the pretty spirals of deathly carcinogens drifting into the cool night air.

Hear the laughter as my comrades exchange pleasantries. 'Tis no use and I, in the style of a starved feral beast, stalk outside to bum one off them. The challenge can start on waking.

Day 2: Again, early morning. Yesterday continued well: a few ups and downs but I strode on, feeling oh-so smug as I marched past the inhaling masses outside the Strand campus. I'm lying in bed and the moodswing kicks in. I cannot sleep, the birds are tweeting incessantly outside and I want to wring their little avian necks. I toss and I turn. This internal rage and agitation is gnawing away into me like a ravenous puppy, with sharp, nippy teeth. I want to hurt someone.

Day 2, later on: Again, the desire to become a mass-murderer and axe to death all the smiley people around me comes into play at lunchtime. After my lectures, go

30 | may 2008 | roar

outside, smoke. Easy as. Not today. As people drag for their dear lives on Marlboro Lites, I make do with a Dubble bar. Great, I shall be obese and grotesque by the end of the month. Substitution with confectionary cannot continue. Instead, it is later replaced

by Guinness, and lots of it. All is jovial in the Waterfront tonight, and surprisingly I don't notice a thing. Not until some cow strolls over and ask for a spare Rizla. My friends immediately wince and turn to me, expecting a little pixie-like temper tantrum.

To no avail. I calmly take a sip of the black stuff and explain that I am a NON-SMOKER. They are amazed. As am I, but I hide it and dwell lovingly on the satisfaction that brought, pious lady what I am. Oooh, yeah.

Day 3: My! Isn't oxygen a wonderful thing! I bound up the steps to my halls, unhindered by wheezy gasps and a tight chest. This feels incredible. Never thought that those little white sticks had such an impact on me.

According to the people at Boots, carbon monoxide has now been eliminated from my bloodstream, so well done to me! If I were someone else, I would want to punch me.

Day 4: 5.30pm, Hyde Park Corner, a pack of ten Pall Malls. I'm disgusted with myself. I was waiting to meet an old Geordie friend of mine to relive some of our old rock and roll debauchery in the capital. It was cold. I was listening to Guns n' Roses on the iPod. Surely smoking is no more of a crime than that? Don't you judge me. I look cool.

Day 4, later on: I arrive back and give a reliable mate my cigarettes to hide from me.

Two hours later I am pounding down his

door and end up wrestling him in the corridor for the six remaining cigs in the packet. I win and celebrate my victory with a well-deserved puff. The mate in question is nursing a very sore elbow and done-in knee.

How has it come to this?

Day 5: My throat feels as rough as a diseased vulture's crotch and my French oral teacher is laughing at me. I buy some Richmond Menthols to soothe my selfdirected anger. "Hang on" says my geek of a best mate, "doesn't that defy the object of the exercise?" I tell him where he can stick my five remaining fags and he shuts up.

Day 6: "Smoking can dramatically lower your sperm count" says the packet. This does not apply to me, so stuff you.

Day 15: First entry for nine days, as every day has been the same. I wake up, ignore the pangs for a majority of the day, and then give up at around eightish. I haven't been buying them though, so surely that counts?

(Ahem). Counting up, I have stretched my ten to fifteen a day habit over the course of a week. This makes me proud. According to leading scientists (found on the ever reliable Wiki) giving up straight off is nigh impossible anyway. I see this as success in mild terms.

Maybe, I could change the article's title to "Giving up IN 30 days", then I'd be doing okay. However, that is not the article title and right now I look like a pathetic, nicotine dependent wet-fish. No. Tomorrow, it starts for real... otherwise I won't have an article.

Day 16: A packet of Nicorette tablets costs more than I'd spend on cigarettes in a

fag-free returns, with our hardest challenge yet. Thirty long cigarette free days.

week. What's the point in that? Undeterred, I flash the cash. Apparently, these things increase your chances of jacking the habit by 50%, and I need all the help I can get.

Day 17: Fuck that. Side effects of nicotine replacements are not good. My throat is greased to the lungs with some kind of alkaline slime, my mouth is red raw and dry and my breath smells. This is 24 hours into the experiment. I drink water constantly, which leads to numerous visits to the lavatory - amounting to more time than I'd spend outside smoking.

Day 22: I've managed okay, only sneaking a few puffs here and there. My temper is frayed and the tablets have wreaked havoc on my oral health. After journeying back to my northern homeland, I regale my friends with false tales of the joys of life sans nicotine. The facade crumbles as they invite me outside for a cigarette outside my local.

Day 30: I've failed miserably. No matter how much I have spent on nicotine replacements, chewing gum, wasted energy on non-existent willpower, I am still horrendously addicted to my good friends, the little white sticks of death. It makes no difference to me. I like smoking and I'm not afraid to say it. Not caring for my position of social pariah extraordinaire, I wallow in a haze of pungent tobacco smoke and heave a sigh of relief. I no longer have to lie to myself. The heavy burden of a health-guilt complex is lifted from my weary shoulders.

Smoking is cool, and you know it.

roar | may 2008 | 31

Food, Exams getting ya down, huh? Bored of junk food?

sex-fashion-music-arts

lifestyle

Rachel Dowling I am a food junkie. There, I said it. For me food is more than just fuel. Food makes me happy, it gives me comfort and pleasure and excitement in a way that nothing else can.

Now I’ve got that off my chest I hope I can share with you some of thoughts and feelings about my chosen creative media. Student cookery is a genre in itself, and one which I particularly detest. I’m sure I’m not the only one who received a ‘Budget student recipe’ book upon getting accepted to university. And I bet I’m not the only one whose copy is gathering dust on the shelf.

Instead of being patronised and told how to make cheese on toast I want to make something more exciting, something comforting that tastes fattening and expensive but wont shrink my bank balance or make my belly bulge.

So I am going to start by making one of my favourite recipes. Its

vaguely Spanish, inspired by Nigella Lawson and images of nibbling tapas in some deliciously warm terracotta clad bar, not. Play around with it, add herbs, spices whatever you want. Vegetarians can add chickpeas and a heaped table spoon of paprika for that lovely smokey flavour. goes perfectly with pasta, rice or new potatoes and especially crusty bread, yum yum.

Chorizo Stew Serves 4-6 (depending on how hungry you are) Total time (from kitchen to table) 1 hour Ingredients 200g Chorizo sausage 1 slug olive oil 1 large onion 2 cloves of garlic 1 tin chopped tomatoes 1 small tin sweetcorn 1 handful pitted black olives 2 handfuls spinach or watercress

1. Chop the onion and fry gently in olive oil over a medium heat.

Chop garlic and add to pan.

2. Thickly slice chorizo or chop into chunks depending on the size of the piece. Add to the onions and simmer gently until the oil leeches out of the sausages and dies the onions orange.

3. Add the tinned tomatoes, fill the can with water and add to the pan. Stir gently and simmer for about 20 minutes with a lid on.

4. Add drained sweetcorn and olives, stir and season to taste.

Remove the lid and boil rapidly for about 5 minutes or until the sauce looks glossy and syrupy.

5. Stir in the handfuls of spinach or watercress, then serve in bowls with a dollop of yoghurt or sour cream in the middle.

glorious food Never fear - roar is here with super-fun recipes. We really are too good to you.

Lucy-Anne Frankenburg Carrot and Cheddar Cheese Soup The sweet potato is probably the most expensive ingredient in this healthy lunch, but it gives the soup such a rich sunshiney colour and taste that it is 100% worth the 60p it costs to buy one. Carrots and onions are dirt cheap, yay!

Ingredients: half a large onion (chopped), a couple of garlic cloves (crushed or chopped), 1 sweet potato, 2 or 3 carrots, vegetable stock, a knob of butter or 1 tbsp olive oil, nutmeg and black pepper, cream (optional,) 130g cubed mature cheddar.

Specialist cooking equipment: Whizzer (or blender,) ladle.

In a saucepan, fry the onion and (crushed!) garlic in butter. (Or, if you want to be healthy, olive oil.)

Peel and slice the sweet potato.

Ditto the carrots. Bung in the

saucepan once the onions are beginning to brown and smelling good.

Meanwhile, boil the kettle and, once boiled, pour in the water so that it is covering the vegetables, but only just.

Crumble in a veg stock cube, or 1 and a half tsp “vegetable bouillon,” plus a generous sprinkling of nutmeg and black pepper to taste.

Boil it all up (quicker with the lid on!) and when the sweet potatoes and the carrots are soft, take the pan off the heat, add the cheese and whizz!

Add a touch of cream if desired.

Cheddar cheese can be replaced with fresh coriander to make the classic favourite: carrot and coriander soup, or be adventurous and season with grated ginger instead of coriander!

Serve with warm buttered brown bread.

Spinach and Feta Spaghetti with Pine Nuts This is so fast and easy to make, you’d have to be a REAL kitchen klutz to mess it up. The ingredients aren’t exactly what one would call “student-friendly,” but as my good friend Therese says, “You can’t put a price on health.” HEAR HEAR! Ingredients: 100g value spaghetti, 3 handfuls baby spinach leaves, 1 generous tbsp olive oil, half a packet of feta cheese (cubed,) handful pine nuts, and a twist of pepper.

Prepare the spaghetti according to pack guidelines.

Once the spaghetti’s done, drain it, then stir in the olive oil and spinach leaves and put it back on a low heat to wilt the spinach. Take off the heat. Mix in the feta, and the pine nuts.

Now we’re talking Finish off with black pepper to taste.

Kids, be safe in the kitchen.

Remember these words: “Charley says that stoves are dangerous to go close to because there are so many things there that can hurt you”.

Never, ever, ever, cook without a responsible grown-up to supervise you. roar | may 2008 | 33

Eternal l ve Nour Sacranie The long necklace seems to have dominated our jewelry boxes for what seems like years.

writing…and putting on your coat (although you would look ultra chic whilst you struggled.)

Strings of glass beads and twists of ethnic baubles have adorned the pages of fashion magazines showing us how to update an outfit and balance a neckline. And then there’s the everlasting earring which retains an air of sophistication and practicality. Now, the catwalks of Spring / Summer 2008 have been overtaken by chunky bangles stacked up to the elbow in every material from wood to glass. But for me, the exaggerated necklaces should have died away with high neck printed tunics and whilst it is difficult to contest the appeal of a classy pair of studs or glamorous mini chandeliers hanging from your ears, I always forget to put them on. And even though the new hefty bangles will ensure you don’t have to touch the free weights in the gym this season, they come in the way of the most commonplace of activities like

So, what’s left in the proverbial jewelry box that can fulfill all the requirements of a perfect accessory? One that does not wave in and out of vogue and cannot be pinned down to a certain look? One that does not disturb your routine and most importantly highlights your personality rather than your attention span for catwalk shows? The ring, of course. It is does everything that a useful accessory should do- attract attention and tell a story- and for this reason a ring can be as defining as a birthmark and as rich with memories as an old photograph. The ring has long been an emblem of perfection and longevity and whilst other traditions of marriage have evolved out, the symbolic gesture of exchanging rings remains integral to most cultural ceremonies. Similarly, the recent popularity of chastity rings has further imbued this object with

the notions of trust and religion.

A ring is an intimate gift to give someone precisely because of these associations and moreover, what symbol can better represent thousands of feelings and memories than the perfect circle?

The diamond ring, the signet ring, the simple band, and the knuckle duster all convey something about the person who wears them whether it’s their financial status or their anger management issues and we haven’t even talked about the Snoop Dizzle pimp-esque larger- than your entire- hand ring that never fails to convey some sort of message.

Rings are my shot glasses hailing from all over the world as a reminder of experiences and people but my favourite, much to the bemusement of my parents and some of my friends is the small ring that sits a third down my left pinkie finger.

Rather than having travelled across continents, it fell off a

handbag I bought when I was fifteen that was smothered in these pewter links. Fiddling with the abandoned thing, I found that it sat quite snugly on my finger and has not moved since.

Yes, it may have caused an irreparable dent and no, it didn’t have particular importance at the time but now it has become both a part of me and something that sets me apart.

The quirks that underlie my ever- growing ring collection are far from the only things that define me as a person but they reflect elements of my character in a creative way.

Hands are our primary touch receptors, a form of communication and witness to every action we take, so, if shoes are thought to tell you a lot about a person, their hands tell you more. By adorning our hands we are celebrating our personalities and the quirks that make us as individual as our tastes in rings themselves.

Oh my brother, testify!

“Londonevangalisation” explained Andy McGrath Stiffened by gin, I went home last week. Home home, that is, back to the cow-strewn shire from whence I did spring. Now, like most people who made the move from the ill dressed provinces of Albion to the urbane cityscape in which I now wallow, I have complicated feelings towards my home town.

Specifically, patronising feelings.

However, unlike most people I’m unique, you see - who emerged from places where ‘fun’ means drinking 8 cans of White Lightning and then poking roadkill with a stick, I want to help my friends back home. I want them to see the light, to understand that London is, well, superior in every conceivable way. To this end, I embarked on what you might call Londonevangalisation. This, as I

shall show you, was a mistake.

It was 11 in the evening and we had had several pints of my local ale, Mulligan’s Toejam.

Since the last bus leaves at 10:30, we were forced to hobble homewards a pied. I took the opportunity to remark; ‘In London, if you can credit it, there are buses at every hour of the day. Remarkable, don’t you think?’

This failed to produce a response. The next day we found ourselves looking for some reading material as we strolled down the street. To no avail. ‘In London’, said I, ‘we have people handing papers out at frequent intervals. Marvellous place, London.’

Again, no response.

Finally, on my last night - and for some reason, everyone seemed very merry - we were seized by hunger and ventured forth. Half an hour later, we were still ravenous, as everywhere was closed. ‘In London,’ I explained, ‘one can find these wonderful things called shops - ‘ At this point, everything went black very suddenly. When I came to, I seemed to be lying in the gutter san pantalons and some child was poking me with a stick.

Well, I don’t care. They’re all cloth eared peasants who will never be suave. And now, I must bid you adieu, for I have no trousers.

p u g n i t c A Spacey sells out Isobel Mearns What is art? And at what cost should we pursue it?

These are just two of the questions that confront us in Matthew Warchus’ production of Speed the Plow.

As Charlie (Kevin Spacey) bounds onto the stage, high on something a little stronger than coffee, he makes a proposition to his old-time buddy and work colleague Bobby (Jeff Goldblum) to make a brand-spanking blockbuster that is bound to roll in the big bucks. It might be of dubious artistic quality, but what the hell? So braced are the double-act that their dialogue springs back and forth with such effervescent energy that it almost feels as though they might finish each others’ sentences. Coupled with their pronounced stage presence, Goldblum’s lithe physique and startling features lending themselves to comedic gestures, and Spacey’s squat, macho frame cutting an imposing figure, we feel that

they are almost invincible.

That is until seemingly naïve, twinkly-voiced Karen (Laura Michelle Kelly) enters, playing Bob’s temping secretary, A woman in a man’s world, Bob immediately resolves to have her. He entices Karen by inviting her to report on a ‘courtesy read’ which has been sent to the studio. Spiritual,

apocalyptic, Karen is entranced by the novel and tries to open Bob’s eyes to his cynical, superficial existence (with a little help from her female wiles).

Easily seduced, Bob decides to ditch the blockbuster in favour of this apparently profound work, to the fury of a crazed Charlie. And so boundaries of friendship are tested as Mamet

reveals to us a different side to each character – Bob’s need to be loved, Charlie’s violent, avaricious nature and Karen’s manipulative grasping for power.

Such pacey acting brings this play to life where pure explosive energy and sardonic humour mask unconvincing nuances of plot. An entertaining must see.

This stairway to heaven has 39 steps Peter Ellender For some, impossible marks the limit of what can be achieved. For others, impossible is just another challenge to be laughed at.

Fortunately the producers of the 39 Steps fall into the latter category. They said Hitchcock’s thriller could 36 | may 2008 | roar

was “unstageable”, but “they” as so often is the case, were proven wrong.

Featuring just four actors playing over 150 roles, the 39 steps replaces the tension and suspense of the film and instead replaces it with absurd humour.

The results are a delight to behold, as the play races along

with barely a pause for breath.

The 39 steps features every scene from Hitchcock’s film, including a plane crash, and a chase across a bridge and the flying scotsman. The imagination of the production crew, and their decision to replace drama with humour only adds to what has always been

something of a tall tale.

The 39 Steps is a witty, fun filled show, always engaging and never dull. Leave your doubts at the door and enjoy two fantastic hours of theatre that you wish would never end.

39 Steps, The Criterion, Tickets from £10.

Bloody french whiners Tom Wein Les Mis has been running 22 years, longer than any other show in the West End. And with good reason. It is the best show in town. A friend studying music at Oxford compares it favourably to a Mozart opera. The sophistication of its plot, the beauty of its solos, the energy of its chorus numbers and the grandeur of its staging put lesser shows to shame.

That said, this was a disappointing production.

Many of the performances were remarkably misjudged.

Drew Sarich as Valjean was wild eyed and angry, with an accent that wandered around the Atlantic; too immature for the moral centre of the play.

Hans Peter Janssens, meanwhile, had an oddly

clipped style as Javert, reducing him from a zealous Angel of Justice to a pedantic bureaucrat, pursuing a 20 year old error in his records. Worse still, he gabbled and garbled throughout; certainly he could hit the notes, but even knowing the soundtrack inside out, I had difficulty deciphering some of his key lines. Eponine’s gorgeous number ‘On my own’, meanwhile, was belted out with all the fragile vulnerability of Shirley Bassey. Oddly, the most convincing performances came from Marius and Cosette. Usually absurdly saccharine and improbable, their story was transformed into a delicate meeting of lovers by the simple expedient of not overacting, amid all the

posturing and exhibitionism. Equally marvellous were Chris Vincent and Melanie La Barrie as the Thenardiers, who were as hilariously horrible as they ought to be.

These, though, were the exceptions. The failure of so many of the main characters – all of them with illustrious lists of credits – would seem to point the finger at the musical direction. Whoever was at fault, this was not up to the (admittedly incredibly high) standards of Les Mis. It is a testament to the show that despite all this, I still came out humming the tunes.

Queen’s Theatre, Shaftesbury Avenue. Tickets from £15, booking until 2009.

German play uber alles Ceyda Kulah “ONCE UPON A TIME, no one saw it, and here and there it’s still happening…”.

The opening words (translated) of the KCL German Society’s production of Heiner Müller’s Drachenoper are far from the traditional fairytale clichés. Instead they hint at a more modern twist to a story featuring an evil dragon, a brave hero, and a virginal maiden, the fairest of them all.

As a typical German play, the scene is set with a prologue describing how in the Stone Ages the Lord Dragon saved the people from the cholera by breathing fire to boil their water. As a consequence, many centuries later the people of the town continue to worship the Dragon like a God, and obey his dictator-like rule, yet the seeds of revolution are being sown.

The play opens with the rugby-esque chanting of cavemen sporting contemporary clothing made from the highly fashionable bin bag. But it gets even better, for the great Medicine Man arrives in a white labcoat, and he tells the barely evolved cave dwellers what they must do to save themselves from the cholera, in Latin (naturally).

As the story develops we come across flying carpets, magic wands, siamese twin policemen, weapons of mass destruction and chemical warfare, a very cool cat, an art dealer who wants to commercialise and profit from the whole thing, an overly large prop fish, and a love story between the hero Lanzelot and heroine Elsa.

Director Rada Leu has certainly conveyed the eclectic mixture of the modern and the traditional with an expressionistic production of Müller’s Drachenoper, originally written as a libretto with music by Dessau. While dragon scenes from Fritz Lang’s silent film Siegfried were projected on the background, the actors brought energy and exaggeration to the parody taking place in the foreground, behind screens and even on the tables.

Jakob’s portrayal of the Lord Dragon, born of blood and fire yet with an insightful understanding of human nature, was exceptional, and Nathaniel as his simpering servant, a cross between a scared dog used to abuse, and a toy puppet with a

smile plastered to his face and fear in his eyes, brought comic relief to a story with resonances of oppression and war. The three giggly girlfriends (played by Diane, Laura and Joana) of the plucky heroine Elsa (Milena) were a treat, as was the heroine’s soliloquy about love and hate, and the bravado and angry scowls of Lanzelot (Alex).

The achievement and dedication of all the students involved, particularly with the number of finalists who took part this year, was remarked upon by many members of staff who came to watch, while the other members of the audience, German and non-German speakers alike, also enjoyed the performance and thought they made excellent use of the space.

think you’re roar’s next top model? email roar.design@kclsu.org

Super Gangster Bros.

Faking it Most definitely one of the best films I have seen in a long while, Craig Gillespie’s ‘Lars and the Real Girl’ is a heart-warming and open-minded drama based on love, acceptance and community support.

Sophie Charara Shoot first. Sightsee later. Sensible advice if you are Ken (Brendan Gleeson) and Ray (Colin Farrell), our sensitive hit men hiding out in Bruges awaiting instructions after a job gone wrong. A hybrid of gangster parody and a soul searching buddy film, In Bruges is certainly one of a kind. Constantly teetering between genres, getting a mind bogglingly decent performance out of Farrell and juxtaposing a dwarf’s racism with musings on sin and death: who is this director and how is he pulling it off?

The answer is playwright Martin McDonagh, who tends to take his chances with snappy dialogue and more than the usual dosage of violence. No change here for his feature length debut. And it must be said, the first half an hour aside his method transfers well.

However, during said first half an hour, the characters seem fairly two dimensional and the views of Bruges do tend to get on your nerves. Ray later remarks that even Hell or Death would be better than Bruges. This unusual setting does eventually redeem itself: the final shoot out begins in a small B’n’B before resuming by the canal it overlooks. Certainly a fresh alternative to some hotel or multi-storey car park in London or New York.

As for performances, who knew Colin Farrell could do funny on purpose? He and Gleeson are the latest charismatic double act; at once an old married couple and heartless killers. And then there is Ralph Fiennes, whose belated entrance as Harry, their foul-mouthed and foul-hearted boss sticking to his guns right to the literal end, would have stolen the show if not for Gleeson in the final scenes. Minor characters provide light relief; hope for Ray in the form of a romance with innocent looking drug dealer Chloe (Clemence Poesy) and humour in dark times for Ken from Yuri (Eric Godon), Harry’s eccentric connection.

This is not black comedy as such: the childish jokes are juxtaposed with the tragic reality of the lives that these two men choose to carry out, to the extent that the two aspects seem inseparable. Despite the overwhelming sense of the absurd throughout the film and the over determined, not entirely unexpected ending, the theatrical finale is still somewhat satisfying, largely due to the compassion for the two main characters. Recalling Harry’s description of Bruges as ‘like a fairytale’; this episode in its cinematic history would most definitely be a Brothers Grimm.

Out April 18th.

The film follows the story of Lars Lindstrom (Ryan Gosling), an introvert who lives in a converted garage next to his brother Gus (Paul Schneider) and caring sister-in-law Karin (Emily Mortimer). Despite Karin’s efforts to involve him in their lives through breakfast and dinner invites, Lars mostly likes to keep to himself. It is only when he brings home the girl of his dreams does his personality shine through his shy exterior. To the surprise of Gus and Karin however, the girl he introduces to them is a sex doll called Bianca whom Lars has bought off the internet. In spite of Bianca‘s purpose, sex is not what Lars has in mind, but rather a deep and meaningful relationship. However, concerned for his mental state of mind, Gus and Karin consult the family doctor Dagmar (Patricia Clarkson), who diagnoses Lars as suffering from a delusion, requesting that they play along.

As the film progresses, it becomes clear that what Lars is working through are some communication and social issues. By loving and building a personality for Bianca, this delusion gradually builds his own confidence and allows him to function in a way that he never could before. With the open-minded support of his town and family, everyone soon accepts Lars’s ‘girlfriend’, interacting with her as if she was a real person despite her plastic couture.

What follows is a genuinely moving journey for Lars and an out-pouring of kindness from those who care about him, glad to see him opening up for whatever reason. So when Bianca leaves Lars and ultimately her community in the same way as when she first arrived, the grief of those who loved her are genuine enough With the casts playing their roles to perfection, it is difficult to fault the film and I cannot wait for the DVD. In selected cinemas now: the Ritzy Brixton, Rich Mix Bethnal Green, Vue Islington, Coronet Notting Hill, Cineworlds Haymarket + Chelsea

Nick Jones It’s a curious comic book adaptation that opens with the abduction of a wealthy American in Afghanistan, centres on a character who is essentially an asshole, and co-stars Gwyneth Paltrow. Iron Man performs all these feats, while ticking every box on the origin-story template that’s been banging around for forty years, and giving Robert Downey Jr. the role, if not of a lifetime, then certainly of the season.

He plays Tony Stark, head of a massive weapons manufacturing company currently hocking its latest product to the US army. He has the ingenuity to build a bunker-busting missile, the spiky energy to set off any party, and the rakish charm to disarm even the most good-looking investigative reporter. In short, he is a man due for a comeuppance – which duly comes when he is forced at gunpoint to assemble a WMD for Arab terrorists. He capitulates, but constructs his own method of escape: a one-man war-machine of wrought iron and flamethrowers, powered by a quasi-hydrogen battery. In doing so, and slaughtering countless gibbering captors, he learns that helping people is better than building things that kill them. Helping white people, that is.

The plot thickens on his return to America, but I shan’t go into that here, as one needs to take in all the surprises one can (unless you’re a fan, in which case you already have a fair idea of how the third sequel is going to pan out). There are romantic entanglements with secretaries, predictable double-crosses, and shitgets-built montages aplenty, the whole thing occurring in a universe, which has never experienced The Incredibles, let alone Frank Miller or Alan Moore. It could all be quite wearisome, were it not for the first-rate cast and the manner in which they have been directed...

Jon Favreau, perhaps best known for his starring role in Doug Liman’s indie-comedy Swingers (and here providing a cameo as, very appropriately, Stark’s bodyguard and bag-handler) shows a surprisingly strong hand, and a welcome willingness to allow his cast to improvise and generally piss around. It isn’t Altman, but it does grab your attention.

While there might be something to the claims that Downey Jr. wheels out the same mannered, drug-spun bundle of ticks in all his recent performances, his Stark is an entertaining mixture of charm, idiocy, and muscle somewhere between Jack Sparrow and Batman. It is a credit to the actor that he makes no effort to alter the essential attitude of the man post-abduction, a move which forces the sceptical among us to question the ethical veracity of those who have been part of his inner circle all along, including the perpetually placid Terrence Howard and the alarmingly not-terrible Paltrow.

Then there’s Jeff Bridges, playing the ridiculously titled Obadiah Stane, who – though he is the obligatory grizzled old guy – invests his character with some pathos and psychology, even if his plotline is underdeveloped. (I guess there’s a reason he’s named after the shortest book in the Old Testament.)

at one point launches at whim into a middle-eastern war zone, overcomes the villains with his absurdly advanced artillery, then exits as soon as he has brought about peace, leaving the natives to happily sort out the mess.

In these $100 a barrel times the cyberdream of flfla awless man-machine integration cannot be that simple: Stark’s suit is a sleek exhaust-free number which literally runs on the power of his own heart, whereas his nemesis’ bulky Hummer-parody belches exhaust fumes.

All this happens bloodlessly of course, Favreau showing a marked aversion to killing, always cutting away at the moment the trigger is pulled. Still, considering the fetid morality of fifillms such as Jumper, these sidesteps cannot be entirely condemned.

A lethargic fifin nale and a paucity of namerecognition for the Iron-Man brand will stop the fifillm becoming a Spider-Man-esque runaway hit.

The latter is a personifific cation of the outdated mechanised armoury of the preCold War period; Iron Man on the other hand is an example of contemporary military tactics, even at one point being mistaken for an UAV. This American playboy – whose father literally invented the Atomic bomb –

It is by no means a masterpiece, but in the modern blockbuster environment, when the best James Cameron we can come up with is Michael Bay, it certainly entertains for a couple of cheerful hours, and we can only hope it makes absurdly sculpted goatees 2008’s must have facial accessory.

vast resources and scientifificc knowledge to construct technological appendices to his own muscular form, turning him into a permitted vigilante. The suit of armour Tony Stark dons to become Iron Man is no different to the otherworldly powers of Superman, which Clark Kent effectively slips in and out of depending on context.

A new

normal that’s

reassuringly old-fashioned:

comic book

films in the

21st Century Nick Jones Believe it or not, a comic book exists in which the protagonist prevents the second plane from colliding with the World Trade Centre. The citizens of New York are so impressed that they elect the hero Mayor. Ex Machina goes a step further than other comics, all of which celebrate a world in which empowered individuals can quash a megalomaniacal evil, and does so with a slight wink to the manner in which it intersects myth and reality.

Jon Favreau, director of the movie incarnation of Iron Man, has suggested that since 9/11, Americans have gravitated further towards the comic book universe than before, fifinnding solace in a place where the villains, though their plans are immense and catastrophic, can be stopped and punished by the might of military technology and the heavily personalised intervention of a faceless supra-human.

The recurring plotline of a hero’s genetics or technology being used against its originator is once again used in Iron Man (as it has been in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Superman Returns), and is given added weight thanks to the modern awareness of the susceptibility of advanced systems to usurpation and weaponisation.

The fifinnale of Christopher Nolan’s franchise reboot Batman Begins is a particularly sharp example of 9/11 anxiety (or ingenuity) being appropriated into the comic book genre: a splinter-group who believe Gotham to be the seat of decadence hijack the public transport system and pilot it at top speed toward a conspicuously symbolic building at the heart of the city. More than this, the entire fifillm is about using people’s fear against them. The new poster for the sequel, The Dark Knight, lays it on even thicker, showing a building with a batshaped collision in it, and clouds of smoke half-obscuring the tagline ‘Welcome to a World Without Rules.’

A movie version of this DC comic is purportedly being put together by New Line Studios, but one wonders how the theme of a populace overly dependent on government intervention in times of crisis will wash with audiences used to a more conser vative agenda.

Such engagement with the aesthetics of terrorism have become commonplace far quicker than most might have imagined. While Spielberg’s A.I. featured the inadvertently disquieting sight of a child attempting suicide from the peak of a decrepit Manhattan skyscraper, his 2004 War of the Worlds seemed to exist solely to experiment with the appropriation into the action genre of Ground Zero inspired visuals.

Iron Man on the other hand recycles the template found most fundamentally in Bob Kane’s Batman mythology, depicting a lineage of billionaire extravagance interrupted by a violent episode which convinces the hero – a pillar of the aristocratic community – to utilise his

If dramatic weight can be added to an alien i invasion through ash-clouds, paper-rain and civilian panic, then surely the comic book fifillm can get in on the game too? Sam Raimi enjoys playing with the new cliché, which he partly invented, of the newfound solidarity of New

Yorkers: they successfully defend their hero from the Green Goblin (“You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!”), but don’t fare so well against Doc Ock, who easily forces his way through the citizen mass to claim his unconscious Spider-prey anyway.

Since the fifirrst atomic bomb was set off civilisation has feared its own creations and been acutely aware of the potential for scientifificc advancements to be used for apocalyptic means as well as utopian ones. While the outer space nemesis Venom in Spider-Man 3 is an obvious and frankly incoherent example of this, even Disney/Pixar ’s The Incredibles (unoffificcially inspired by Alan Moore’s Watchmen) is designed around the concept of the containment and diffusion of overt ability and power. In it, both the villain and his deadly robot would not exist were it not for the superheroes that have inspired and educated them.

Though he must contend with Arab terrorists, the biggest problem for Tony Stark is not religious fanatics but the machinations of the militar y industrial complex. He only embroils himself with the plight of the Afghan peasantry when he sees that it is his company’s guns that are being used to round them up, and even then the most dangerous threat he faces that day comes from a couple of US fifig ghter jets.

His adversar y in the third act is like a Mr Hyde version of his Iron Jekyll, a nightmare vision of irresponsible technological application and rampant profifitteering all bound up with an Oedipal resentment of the virile youth. As in Ang Lee’s recently derided Hulk and Guillermo del Toro’s uninspired Hellboy, it is up to the responsible son to strike down his psychopathic paterfamilias.

Whilst none of these fifillms consider the Armed Forces to be suffificcient alone, the army is viewed as a necessar y bulwark to the often overdetermined vigour of the hero. Working in tandem, personal square-jawed grit and existing martial structures are enough to vanquish any antagonist, never mind that the threat itself often materialises as a Chimera to the newly formed mask-donning Bellerophon.

People do not go to comic book fifillms to watch thematically rich expressions of cultural anxiety, they go in order to have these anxieties anaesthetised.

As cultural theorist Fredric Jameson suggests, any depiction of such apprehensions only ser ves to reprocess them into entertainment and in this way reassure a suburban audience.

In appropriating the aesthetics, mechanics, and political and social consequences of the fall of Twin Towers, the superhero genre does not intend to engage with them on an intellectual level, but rather to reclaim them as fificction, and entirely subdue the threat posed by the facts of their existence.

Be Alternative rocks Gutted the reading tix sold out? Check these bad boys.

Fairport Convention are possibly the most stable and revered bands to emerge from the British Isles. Despite limited chart success, a 40 year back catalogue of acclaimed folk-rock had allowed them to indulge in Fairport’s Cropredy Festival: an annual piss-up and sing-a-long in the gorgeous fields of Oxfordshire. Supergrass are playing on the Thursday night this year, with Fairport in their traditional spot on the Saturday, with an incredibly wide selection in between. This one’s brilliant for a small, intimate family atmosphere, with some of the best speciality ale known to man.

There’s no backstage bar, so you can find yourself enjoying a pint with some legends of the British folk-rock scene, including Ralph McTell and Richard Thompson. Even elven rock-god Robert Plant is a regular.

Cropredy is run by local villagers, including a clean-up squad made up of local Scouts.

It’s like stepping into another world, with druids, wood people, leather-clad bikers and ageing hippies adorning the grass like summer dandelions. If you go, you’ll be guaranteed to return. It’s that sort of place.

If you would rather we moved the Church of Dance to a Cheshire Estate and are looking for an entertaining way to spend the August Bank Holiday, then this year’s Creamfields may be for you. Confirmed so far are Kasabian and Gossip, as well as the more expected fayre of Fatboy Slim, Pete Tong, Pendulum, Ian Brown, Paul van Dyk and a ridiculous amount of others. You’ll be torn over which of the ten arenas to throw shapes in, as well as joining twelve other nations in one of the biggest world-wide music festivals around: Spain, Brazil, and the Czech Republic are just a few others raving it up under the Creamfields banner this year. Also, if you’re a fan of ‘Skins’, this year they’re playing host to an arena dedicated to the television series and also featuring a new “BBC Introducing” stage, showing off some of the hottest, newest music around. Radio One is returning to the festival this year, after a three year gap, so even if you can’t afford the £115 weekend camping ticket, then you still catch all the action with over ten hours of live coverage.

Not bad for a weekend that crawled out

from the uterus of a sticky-floored, sweat drenched, Liverpool superclub, eh?

If you are a cardigan-wearing, twee sort, who dreams of basking in the sunlight in the beautiful grounds of a stately home and likes their festivals clean (especially the toilets!), then Summer Sundae might be the treat you have always wanted. Held in the grounds of De Montfort Hall, Leicester, this award-winning festival is a very cheap (by festival sorts anyway) £100 for a weekend camping. Bands confirmed so far include Supergrass, Of Montreal, Roisin Murphy, Lightspeed Champion, the Coral, and Simian Mobile Disco are doing a live set too. With five stages, including the rising stage showcasing new talent, you’ll be spoilt for choice. The festival has been called ‘the most blissed-out event of the year’ by NME, so it’s not for those who like their festivals riotous and messy (go to Leeds instead), but if you like your festivals clean, eco-friendly, and chilled out it’s where you should be headed this August.

st

of the fests Top festival tips:

1

DON’T BUY FOOD FROM THE FESTIVAL SITE! It is over-priced and basically rank. Many festivals have supermarkets nearby where you can pick up food for cheap - get some bread, noodles, nutella, and some tinned stuff (spaghetti hoops!) and you’re sorted. Just don’t forget a camping stove. Some festivals also have stalls where you can pick up free soup, vegetarian food, etc. If you do buy festival food, avoid meat at all costs.

2

DITTO BOOZE! You don’t want to spend time queuing for beer tokens instead of missing bands do you? Buy loads of cheap booze before you go (make sure you pour stuff in glass bottles into plastic ones though).

Neck it before going into the arena, alternatively try to sneak it in by hiding it on your person. When suffering the horrors of camping, a lack of quality booze is not an option. Some festivals have promotions where you can grab free booze samples You can sometimes grab free hangover energy drinks too.

3

APPROPRIATE FOOTWEAR: Never has Farmer Giles been such a style icon. Wellies are a must, don’t forget them otherwise when the inevitable downpour happens you’ll be forking out upwards of twenty quid for a pair.

Priceless shoes does wellies for a fiver, get amongst it.

Bring a pair of cheap plimsolls/converse just incase the weather is actually good. Needless to say, festivals are not the place for wearing shoes you care about.

4

MERCHANDISE. Just don’t bother. Are you really going to wear that Reading Festival 08 t-shirt you paid £35 for come October? Thought not.

5

BRING BOG ROLL. Lots of bog roll. Enough said.

Other festival essentials include: wet wipes, rain macs, dry shampoo, empty water bottles you can refill, and a torch to find your tent after dark.

And how to get in for free.

Jumping the fence to see Rage Against the Machine may seem like great fun, and we’re sure Zach de la Rocha would probably approve, but the authorities definitely won’t. If you have ever wanted to go to a festival for free, and in the process, do something for charity, then stewarding might be your thing.

I first stewarded for Oxfam at Glastonbury in 2004, and have returned to work again at every festival since. It costs me the price of the ticket as a deposit, in return I get ticket to the festival, access to a secure camp site, 5 meal tickets to be exchanged in the catering tent which also has 24 hour free tea and coffee. I do have to work however, three 8 hour shifts over the 5 days of the festival. The time can go quite quickly on a sunny afternoon when everyone is excited about getting to the festival but on a wet night when you are confronted by a few drunk people and time has slowed to a crawl it doesn't seem so good.

Over the years I have missed a few bands I wanted to see, but the perks are usually worth it. Furthermore my deposit helps fund Oxfam's work, a worthy cause.

I was first put onto the idea, by a friend; I had always wanted to go to Glastonbury and guaranteeing a ticket while doing something for charity sounded good. I was lucky enough to get a place first time. You have to fill out a form and get a reference, basically just someone to say you're not a loony. If you are not working on the first morning, a 7am start, it's a great opportunity to have a wander around the festival site, most of the campsites are still empty and the toilets still clean.

Oxfam aren't the only organisation to offer opportunities to go to a festival for free but they run the stewards for most of the big festivals, as well as offering training for the job. Free music? For a good cause? Deal of the century methinks.

L’Ed Drummond

d e t a l s r o d e t a R Feeling? Kinda Queasy Esther Beadle “Who would have thought a bunch of geeks like us would end up with a number one record?” – Dan Gillespie Sells, frontman of The Feeling. Yes indeed, Dan. Who would have thought it? The Feeling were the most-played band on UK radio during 2006 – much to my annoyance. Their songs wriggle into the head like a starving tapeworm, intent on filling up every cranial crevice with wet, rolling choruses, and we are left infected with a virus of convulsive humming, table-tapping and incessant head-nodding. Not my cup of tea for certain, I prefer my Earl Grey without sugar. However, second album, ‘Join With Us’ has had some excellent reviews so maybe, just maybe, they’ve managed to develop further from “mum” pop-by-numbers into something with a little bit more bite. The Shepherd’s Bush Empire was the place to discover for myself just exactly what The Feeling are “really” all about.

The stage was adorned with crackly neon strip lights and glitter, the audience with big hair, cigarette-leg jeans, excited children and, of course, mums. I survey the crowd with a self-conscious eye and sneer to myself in order to keep some sort of limp grasp onto my deprecating and nonchalant opinions.

So, the Brit School graduates arrive on stage and obviously do their old teachers proud. There is no denying that the music is half-decent. “Never Be Lonely” and “Won’t Go Away” find me singing along and swaying in time, just like the rest of them.

Dan Gillespie Sells seems to pride himself on his ability to play the ever-engrossing entertainer à la Freddie Mercury. However, Mercury is an easy man to imitate, and I have yet to see anyone who is able to assault the senses like he could. Sells is no exception to this rule. This is a man who has learnt his trade, rather than developed it and there is an under-lying sense of rule-

48 | february 2008 | roar

following to his performance. I clap, you clap and such. Still, if these rules didn’t work, then they wouldn’t be used. The rest of the band keep it plain and simple, robotic and meagre, in order not to over-shadow Sells and the result is lacking in any emotion or fire. Again, these guys are just playing along, because that is what they do.

Perhaps after years of schooling in the arts, the band has simply lost the ability to connect with their music: similar to the way in which a favourite novel can be immediately ruined by over-analysis for ALevel coursework. Even so, this technical approach to their artistic development has had its upsides. New track “Spare Me”

tinkers about underneath its glossy overcoat in the style of 10cc or the Beach Boys and these influences on the new album have been duly noted in the press.

It is a shame, however, that such inspiration didn’t quite reach The Feeling’s performance at the Empire. The band may be willing to embrace such uncharted territory in the studio, but in a concert situation, even with a finale of Buggles’ “Video Killed The Radio Star”, their fire seems to be lacking. It’s hard to write a catchy pop song, but The Feeling know their trade. It’s just a shame that the knowledge surpasses passion. Close, but no cigar, boys.

Don’t believe the hype Alphabeat? They really ain’t all that Natasha Tanczos Ingvar Kamprad founded Ikea in 1943, providing the World with affordable modern furniture. Alphabeat were founded in 2004 by vocalists Anders and Stine in Denmark, providing the world with a Eurovision entry fit for Ireland, which is a bit harsh seeing as Dustin the Turkey doesn’t make topping yourself look like a worthwhile venture at one of his gigs. Being that they’re both from Scandinavia it’s a wonder how it all went so terribly, terribly wrong.

“10000 nights of thunder” sounds like the musical equivalent of the Brady bunch on crack; the band the bastard love child of Mika and Junior Senior, and the wonky pop tour an advertisement for multicultural diversity or Benetton. The weird dynamic within the group can only be explained in terms of The White Stripes or Neighbours circa the Kylie and Jason years. Though the lead vocalist is clearly gay, when he’s next to Stine it feels like he has or will go there, even though they come across as brother and sister. But hey, that might be legal in Denmark.

Though inherently offensive, their music wasn’t the true low point of the night. This came in the form of a rendition of Daft Punk’s “Digital Love”, which was completely butchered by all acts involved in the Wonky Pop tour: equal to the crimes of Hiroshima or Nagasaki. Happy, bouncy pop they may be, but sometimes things go too far, for example, genocide. Think about it.

Albums This Will Destroy You - Self-Titled.

Justified or not, a band that inhabits the much-maligned (and revered) territory that is modern post-rock inevitably seems to garner comparisons with other forerunners of the genre such as EITS and Mogwai, simultaneously riling ardent supporters and providing lazy connections for reviewers.

Nevertheless, TWDY is an unfortunate stepback from the fantastic Young Mountain EP, delivering glorious narcotic art for the converted but for others, seems to perpetuate the genre’s most unfortunate stereotypes. A missed opportunity.

The Breeders - Mountain Battles. A long overdue return from the Deal sisters, Mountain Battles is the follow up to 2002’s Title TK and might be considered a return to form if The Breeders actually ever suffered a drop in quality in their infuriatingly sporadic catalogue. More stripped back than previous affairs, Mountain Battles again showcases Kim Deal’s impossibly sweet vocals and wondrous ability to produce songs that are at times fantastically whimsical, yet subtle, and undeniably emotionally arresting, at others.

Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks | Real Emotional Trash. Laid back, trippy and like, totally psychedelic man, this is rock in god’s own image. Ranging from dirty and scummy to delicate and twinkly, it’s the perfect soundtrack for a smoky club or dirty field, and a musical rarity - engaging the heart, mind and pelvis all at once. Whilst not a patch on Malkmus’ earlier work (ie anything by Pavement), there’s still more than enough here to teach those young “indie” pups who churn out the same old generic nonsense a thing or two.

Fergus Dunne

Peter Ellender

I predict greatness BLOOD RED SHOES spark a riot at Tutu’s...

Rachel Dowling Hotly-tipped Brighton duo ‘Blood Red Shoes’ played their biggest London gig to date at our very own KCLSU this Easter break to a league of adoring loyal fans coinciding with the release of their debut album ‘Box of Secrets’.

Whilst it seems they’ve been on the scene for some time now (they’ve played

over 300 shows in just two years) a series of label-related setbacks and the leaking of aforementioned album, the beleaguered band have persevered to become one of the most exciting acts around at the moment. Seemingly everyone in the room is buzzing, striking poses in anticipation of vocalist and guitarist Laura Mary Carter’s lusciously self-indulgent whining and the intoxicating toe-tapping goodness of Steven Ansell’s cowbell and snare skills.

BRS open with the radio-familiar singles ‘It’s getting boring by the sea’ and ‘You bring me down’, all pounding beats and scathing lyrics, Carter sliding along notes with all the vigour of a five-year old at the Wacky Warehouse. The crowd pogo like mad, astounded at the amount of noise these two rather shy looking individuals can actually make.

Judging by the amount of people singing along word for word with every song they play, I am not the only one who has taken advantage of the prematurely downloadable ‘Box of Secrets’. With such a clear display of approval, you would expect frontwoman

Carter to be striding up and down the stage in elation. Instead the restrained harmonies are made even more poignant by her distinct melancholia and Ansell’s persistant vocal invasions from behind the drumkit.

I mean, its impossible to play a guitar that ferociously without moving, but I want to see her revel in it, spit, strut, toss her like she’s worth it, but she doesn’t even smile up there. While the pair’s harmonious cries are enough to make your heart weep, the tension in Carter’s tiny body prevents the snarling scowling seductress from ever fully escaping. Such a bold sound and attitude laden lyrics deserve a much more explosive performance. Despite a mass stage invasion and the theft of Ansell’s beloved cowbell at the end of the show I can’t help but feel just a little disappointed at the lack of drama.

Blood Red Shoes aren’t your typical bunch of mischievously twee guitar twanging indies, they are bold yet enigmatic with a clear punk undercurrent, with a stage presence which hopefully will grow as their audience does.

Coming up MAY 8th Moral Soul – Clapham Grand: Skip over to the darker side of indie with the Alabama 3 support band du jour.

MAY 15th

JUNE 6th

JUNE 19th

Thom Lyons Band – The Miller: Home grown organically in London, resulting in a cup of soaring, ethereal stimulation. Lovely.

The Pigeon Detectives – Carling Academy Brixton: In the words of the Churchill dog: “Oh yes!” Roar waggles its doggy jowls in approval.

The Velvet Hearts – Cobden Club: Rock and roll heritage is apparant with sensitive, intelligent and funk-driven toons.

JUNE 20th JUNE 24th JULY 2nd

JULY 3rd

My Bloody Valentine – Roundhouse: Reunited shoegazers return to London for the first time since they broke up in 1995.

Wireless – Hyde Park: Mark Ronson + Hot Chip + Jay-Z + various intoxicants = awesome day out.

Radiohead – Victoria Park: Thom Yorke carries on with plans to forward his dictatorship and take over the world.

Welcome back to 1984.

Funeral for a Friend – KCLSU: Emo-tastic! Rock!

Scream! Girls don’t like me!

Fashionable hair and tight jeans! Etc.

Danger! High voltage MARS VOLTA blow the roof off Brixton Laurence Conneely The Absolutely Bonkers But Brilliant Mars Volta were billed to be playing surprisingly early, which either suggested a wonderfully long setlist, or that they wanted to avoid the night bus. The latter probably wasn’t likely, as they are renowned for their impressive feats of live jiggery-pokery and because they are an internationally acclaimed prog rock band who probably aren’t reduced to eating food anymore, let alone using public transportation.

Thankfully it was the former which prevailed. Appearing on stage at 8.15 they didn’t let up their blistering wall of sound for almost 3 hours. Most was dedicated to songs from their newest album ‘The Bedlam in Goliath’ but the gig opened and ended with songs from their classic first album ‘De-Loused in the Comatorium’.

Those not familiar with the band may have found it hard

iPod playlist In Pieces – Linkin Park Hurt – Christina Aguilera , Colours of the Wind – From Disney’s Pocahontas Hello – Christina Aguilera, Spitting Glass – Hearts Under Fire Nazi Halo – Jack off Jill Going Under – Evanescence Birds – Kate Nash Denis – Blondie White Houses – Vanessa Carlton Virgin State of Mind – K’s Choice Sink or Swim – Axe Kid

going, but even Volta naysayers cannot dispute the frankly astounding voice coming from the small wiry form of Cedric Bixler-Zavala and the roaring guitar wonderment that is Omar Rodríguez-López. Both were superb, and Zavala’s Brian Mayesque hair only enhanced his commanding presence.

The songs, old and new, struck a chord with the crowd, and there was rapturous moshing, screaming, and all manner of impressive and strange dancing, . The jamming ranged from beautiful to boring, and I found myself on more than one occasion wanting them to shut up and play a bloody song, though I suspect that for many those are the best bits.

Despite occasionally losing themselves in soaring sound, the Mars Volta well and truly rocked the Academy, throwing themselves and their unique sound around the stage with abandon. And who doesn’t like that?

The rumour mill...

Random much. There are a few in there I’m sure everyone recognises but lets all take a moment to appreciate K’s Choice. Also the likes of Axe Kid and Hearts Under Fire should be recommended to anyone who likes alt-stylee-girlsinging-guitary music. And don’t act surprised by the presence of a Disney song after I wrote my dummies’ guide to musicals. So so good.

Pennie Varvarides

Juno is well known for it’s overly twee-could-be-from-an-Orangeadvert (not necessarily a bad thing though) soundtrack, but another CD ‘Juno B sides’ is out now on US iTunes, featuring tracks nearly, but not actually, used in the film, by artists such as Belle & Sebastian, Kimya Dawson, and Buddy Holly. Ooh Jason Reitman, you are really spoiling us.

and Friends’ will be dismayed to find out that it is returning for a second series. Yes, that means more Z-listers and Myspace internet posers will be getting BBC airtime, not forgetting the ‘hilarious’ youtube videos which get shown every week.

Why is this happening?!

WHY?!

Those of you who have had the misfortune of viewing ‘Lily Allen roar | may 2008 | 51