13 minute read
Calm the Chatter
7gentle ways to calm the chatter
while some kids will barely utter a word, their talkative brethren are more than happy to fill the silence. How do you know when talking has crossed from socially acceptable to problematic? why kids talk and talk and talk... A child’s talking varies according to the situation. What parent doesn’t delight in the way her child’s face beams when he
help your chatterbox manage the compulsion to talk
talks enthusiastically about something that was particularly interesting or rewarding at school?
Often nonstop talking is age-appropriate, such as when a toddler is excitedly developing her language skills. Some kids may talk your ear off at home but are quiet and shy at school. On the other hand, you may have a social butterfly who finds it difficult to restrain herself from visiting with her neighbors during quiet time and classroom instruction.
“The important determining factor has to do with whether others are adversely affected,” says Dr. Richard 5 make listening fun. If your child’s talking interferes with other family members’ opportunities to Newman, a child psychologist. Newman specializes in speak, set a limit on how long she can talk before it’s the working with school-aged children and adolescents who next person’s turn. have problems that manifest in the classroom, including One way to practice turn-taking is to go around the table compulsive talking and disruption. with an item like a pepper mill or an honorary spoon, which “I think it’s important to be tolerant about talking, to can symbolize a mic. Whoever holds the designated “mic” carefully listen to and watch for red flags for when talking holds the floor, which means it’s his turn to share his news, quip creates problems and to discuss potential problems with or story. No interruptions, but others can ask questions of the children,” he says. person doing the talking to learn more about what he shared. A youngster’s gift for gab becomes a concern if she constantly interrupts conversation, speaks in lengthy monologues and frequently gets into trouble at school for her 6 nurture social signal recognition. Some children struggle to recognize social cues like body language talking. Worse, nonstop talking can cripple your child’s social and tone of voice. Play charades to practice different facial relationships, leading to lower self-esteem and social isolation. expressions and body language. To help your Chatty Cathy learn to moderate her talking, Acknowledge your child’s nonverbal signals and label try a few of these gentle methods to model appropriate emotions: “You’re smiling from ear to ear. Something good conversation skills: must have just happened!” 1 help your child feel heard. Julie Hanks, a family psychotherapist, says to reflect to make your child Look at picture books and ask your child what the character is feeling. Make note of other people’s body language. For example, feel listened to and more aware of his behavior. For example: “That lady has her arms crossed and she’s talking loudly to “Hmmm ... you’ve told me that story about what you did the clerk. How do you think she’s feeling?” at recess three times. It must have been really important to Read dialogue in books with inflection to help your child you.” discern how the characters must be feeling based on how the 2 make eye contact. When people don’t look at us when we address them, we aren’t sure whether they’re truly dialogue is spoken. One sentence spoken in different ways can carry a variety of connotations like anger, sarcasm or gentle teasing. listening, and that can compel us to repeat ourselves. Put aside your phone, magazine or tablet and give your child 7 seek professional help. If you’re concerned about your child’s constant chattering, consult with his your full attention when he talks to you. pediatrician or a mental health professional. An assessment “Sometimes kids repeat themselves because a parent is can determine whether your child’s talking is within the multitasking,” Hanks says. normal range of behavior or compulsive, i.e., he refuses to 3 notice your habits. Ever heard your preschooler pretending to be you talking on the phone? Then you be interrupted, focuses on worries or fears, or gets extremely agitated when he can’t finish a story. know that kids learn how to communicate with others by watching how their parents handle social situations. Model Freelance journalist Christa Melnyk Hines lives in Olathe and reciprocal communication, which occurs through body is the mom of two boys who love to talk. language like gestures and nods, eye contact and through dialogue in which one person speaks while the other listens and then responds. Factors that can contribute to 4 establish boundaries. Teach your child selfcontrol and self-regulation by setting boundaries. Point out compulsive talking in kids: • High intellectual functioning times when it’s disruptive to talk, like in the quiet space at • Personality and home environment the library or while others want to listen to a speaker or a favorite song on the radio. If you need a break from your child’s chattering, tell her • ADD/ADHD • Medications you need some quiet time. Set the timer for 15 minutes • Anxiety and suggest that she play in her room quietly, look at a book • Mood disorders or color.
Children instinctively gravitate toward sensory play. Have you ever seen a child walk around a mud puddle? No. Kids automatically feel the need to explore that puddle, that sand, that layer of ice on top of the puddle. And there is a good reason for that desire to engage in sensory play: It’s one of the best ways kids learn.
Children enjoy using all five senses as they play. They focus their sight on everything around them. They listen to the sounds, enjoy touching objects and smelling them and, when appropriate, tasting them. In addition to the five senses, children also learn body awareness and a sense of balance as they engage in hand-on activities.
As kids do simple sensory play activities, they gain cognitive skills, learn new language, learn social skills, problem solving skills and both fine and gross motor skills. Something as simple as playing in sand can help kids think about what sand is made of and where it came from, learn words such as smooth and rough, figure out ways to form the sand into shapes and problem solve that adding a bit of water aids in making that sand castle. Forming the sand into shapes builds motor skills, and waiting for a turn with a certain tool aids in social awareness.
Sensory play is fun. It has a calming effect on children, especially those who are nervous or anxious. Simple sensory activities can engage children for much longer periods of time than an adult-led activity because they are both fun and satisfying. Be aware that while it looks like kids are “just playing,” in reality they’re building new neural pathways in the brain, which sets the stage for deeper learning later on.
Here are some simple sensory activities, many of them using items you already have around the house.
Play dough, slime, cloud dough
and kinetic sand. These materials invite lots of squishing, shaping and creating. Cloud dough is made simply with two parts cornstarch to one part hair conditioner. Or you can use eight parts flour to one part baby oil. Kids love to play with these dough products and will find new ways to play with them each and every time. Lots of kinetic satisfaction here.
Musical activities. Kids love to move to the sounds of music. They like to play games such as musical chairs or freeze tag. They also love to create sounds to go along with music. Homemade or purchased rhythm instruments, such as shakers, drums, maracas, and tambourines, will keep kids busy for long periods of time. Simple scarves allow children to respond to music in dramatic ways, and making up dance moves is another way to hear and respond to the rhythms of music.
Listening games. Take your kids on a sound walk or simply stop all activity indoors and listen for a period of time. Then ask your children to report on what
tickle their senses simple sensory play activities for your kids
BY JAN PIERCE
they heard. Another way to play this game is to have a checklist and search for various sounds, such as sirens, birdsong, shuffling of feet, etc. You can also play auditory processing games in which you give simple verbal directions and have the children follow them in order. Have children identify various animal sounds or random sounds, such as the noise a zipper makes or tearing a piece of paper.
Edible sensory play. Tasting fun can sometimes be the goal, such as tasting a variety of melons and identifying them. Or the fun can be in using items that, if tasted, are safe for children. Some edible ideas for sensory fun are playing with rainbow Jell-o, making cereal necklaces, finger painting with Cool Whip, yogurt or instant pudding, or playing in cooked pasta.
Painting, drawing and
coloring. Using various art supplies is always a great way for children to express themselves and explore new learning. Keep a variety of pencils, markers, paints and coloring tools on hand. Bring out new ones periodically to keep the activities fresh and interesting. Invite your children to share their thoughts about their drawings or paintings or ask them to tell you a story about them.
Sensory tubs. Fill containers with a wide variety of substances, including sand, rice, cornmeal, oatmeal, dry beans, cooked spaghetti, seeds, water, tapioca or ice cubes. Kids love to sift, scoop, pour, sort, hunt for and organize objects found in the tubs. You might try small sea creatures in sand, pieces of sponge in water, or small animal and people figures in rice. Yes, these activities are sometimes messy, but they offer tons of sensory play experience.
By now you’ve probably thought of several sensory activities you can do with your kids without even leaving home. For more ideas and information on sensory play go to:
CreativeConnectionsForKids.com HandsOnAsWeGrow.com Learning4Kids.net
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kids collections a great way to boost learning and processing skills
iremember having collections as a child, don’t you? I remember the joy I felt when I added a new, sparkly rock to my rock collection. I recall my Hello Kitty sticker album where I not only collected, but arranged and categorized my stickers. I remember collecting these small fuzzy bears, which are now called “vintage” on eBay (Google it and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about!) and miniature Trolls before they were a blockbuster hit. Guess I have kind of dated myself a bit! At any rate, while collections to us as adults might seem trivial or useless, children can benefit greatly from starting and managing their own collections.
If your children are anything like mine, they are always collecting what I think are random items. I am always emptying out pockets before laundry, cup holders in the car, as well as finding more random items around their bedrooms and the house. Often I’m tempted to gather up these random items and pitch them into the nearest trash can. In fact, not too long ago, we lived in an apartment. At one point
there, our son’s stick collection was so big, we could have had a bonfire! Every time I left the apartment alone, I took a couple of sticks with me to find a new home for them!
I think sometimes we parents have difficulty not squelching a child’s desire to collect, because we just see clutter and space-takers that have no value. We often forget that many of us did this same type of collecting as children, and we also forget what children can learn from having sentimental collections.
A great thing about collecting is that it naturally provides some fun teaching opportunities, without your kids’ realizing they’re learning. Anna, whose 19-monthold collects different versions of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse characters (stuffed animals, bath toys, chunky puzzle pieces, small figurines, stickers, etc.), highlights a great example of this exact situation. “At first it was just for fun, but then she started using them to draw comparisons,” Anna says. “She tells us which ones are bigger and smaller, softer and harder, matching in color, etc. She’s also started using them to practice prepositions such as ‘Big Minnie is on small Minnie’ or ‘Goofy is next to Daisy.’ So not only does she just love them, but also they’ve become an easy, fun teaching tool too!”
Creativity is another benefit of children’s collections. “My oldest three kids are constantly collecting random things wherever we are (think Tinkerbell and her lost things). The middle two call themselves ‘junkers’ and they animatedly discuss what they can turn each new find into (e.g., this spring can be the neck of a robot, that part can be added to something else to create an airplane or rocket ship). It makes laundry day interesting for us with full pockets, but I love the creativity it engenders!” says Katrina.
Nora also shares how her son’s collection of stuffed animals fosters his imaginative play: “He will sit in his room for ages talking to and creating imaginative situations with his animals.”
Beginning a collection also can instill a passion in children, as well as introduce them to things they might not normally be interested in. For example, if your child’s grandparent shares a coin or stamp collection, or an older sibling has a baseball card collection, your child may take up an interest in one of those or decide she’d like to learn more about it. This might lead to a trip to the library so she can pick out some books on her newfound interest, which in turn can lead to a renewed love of reading by finding a topic to be passionate about. Bonus!
At the same time, collections can foster relationships among people. Collections can bridge the generation gap, bring siblings closer together and encourage new friendships. “While your child is negotiating a card trade or informing a classmate about the new addition to his dinosaur collection, he’s inspired to interact with other children. A collection can be a great way to boost self-esteem, as well as serve as a smooth entry into friendships. If your child is new to a school or neighborhood, discussing his trading card collecting can be a great icebreaker. Meeting kids who share a similar interest could mean he’s also found new buddies,” according to BabyCenter.com.
Collecting can teach children the fine art of patience and responsibility as well. True collecting is slow. Anyone can go outside and find a load of sticks or rocks to add to their collection in no time at all. However, if your child is collecting coins, stamps, sports cards, etc., he will need patience in trying to find just the right item to complete his collection. Likewise, children learn that these same items require special care and attention, as some are quite delicate and need preserving.
I love the quote from Pyschology Today that says, “Sometimes a collection is not just a collection, but a spur to the imagination, to learning and creating. And that’s what makes collecting in childhood a worthy pursuit.” We don’t hear much about collections these days, but maybe we should.
Julie Collett writes from Overland Park. She is constantly finding acorns, sticks, leaves, rings, coins, etc., around the house that her children are “collecting.”
Top 10 things kids collect (according to TheTopTens.com) • Legos • Toy cars • Barbies/dolls • Stuffed animals • Movies • Happy Meal toys • Coins/cash • Pokemon memorabilia • Nintendo memorabilia • Rocks/stones
