help your child deal with bad dreams

We’ve all had the experience of being awakened by a scream or cry from our child’s bedroom. Often, they will run into your bed and cuddle for a bit, or you can turn on their light and assure them they are OK. My daughter liked a radio playing softly in her room, and my son liked his Donald Duck nightlight when he was young. I even threaded tiny lights around my daughter’s bed on a suspended canopy, making her bed a special, safe place.

Childhood nightmares occur at any age, and studies do suggest they are exceptionally common for young children. Roughly half of children between the ages of 3 and 6 report frequent bad dreams. The same is true for 20% of kiddos ages 6 to 12. Most eventually outgrow these troublesome dreams, although some may develop nightmare disorder, which is characterized by recurring unpleasant or frightening dreams that cause sleep disturbances.

Night terrors, outbursts during sleep that can last for several minutes, are also more common in children than adults. Typically, nightmares primarily occur during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, which is the final stage of a normal human sleep cycle. REM sleep is more prevalent during the middle of the night or early morning, so children are more likely to wake up from a nightmare during this time.

Most often, the dreams include things that scare them, such as monsters, ghosts, aggressive animals or people who pose a threat to their safety. Other nightmares may involve the child’s being scolded, harassed, bullied or otherwise mistreated.

Nightmares can be mistaken for night terrors, which are defined as episodes of terror and panic that occur during sleep. Unlike nightmares, night terrors are often accompanied by vocalizations, autonomic symptoms and other signs the child is acting out against the dream.

Sleepwalking is caused from night terrors, and research suggests a higher risk of night terrors if the child or adult has a family history. Counseling, anticipated awakening and addressing underlying medical issues or stress are parts of treatment.

Reassurance by you is the most effective way to calm and show your children they are safe and sound. Discuss fears and anger triggers with your kids in a relaxed setting. This helps promote feelings of relaxation before bedtime, which in turn may improve their sleep quality. Encourage your little ones to comfort themselves. Perhaps place a “sleep partner” in bed with them, such as a beloved stuffed animal, and tuck them in snug as a bug in a rug.

Make up a story about why that sleep buddy might be scared. This gives children the idea that they are the comforters and can pretend to protect their sleep buddy at night.

There are children’s books that discuss nightmares, and these are great to read at bedtime. Your child will see the pictures and know he is not alone and that everything is OK.

Parents may want to consider a psychological evaluation for a child if the youngster experiences at least two nightmares a week for around six months.

Another way you can help discourage recurring nightmares is to employ image rehearsal therapy (IRT), a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that works by asking nightmare sufferers to write down the dream, re-script the narrative then rehearse that dream narrative during the day to cement it in their subconscious. For example, say a dog always jumps over the fence and bites your child in her dream. When you write it down, rewrite it. What color is the dog? How big is he? Say the dog turns into a sweet animal, and lies down so your child can pet him, then jumps back over the fence into his own yard. This way, the dog is no longer the enemy but a friend. With time, IRT works, and you can draw pictures and add to the story whenever you like. Rehearse the re-scripted dream once a day for 10 to 20 minutes, so it becomes a part of your child’s daily life. Ideally, this will change the dream completely, so it is no longer a nightmare. Just a dream that doesn’t wake them up!

Add some happy sounds as you discuss the story or build a movie around it. Even watch movies where friendly dogs are around. Or visit your local animal shelter and pet the puppies. Show your child that not all dogs are frightening. Then tell her that friendly puppy will be her dream.

Let’s face it. We tend to think of sleep when not much is happening after a busy day. When your kids nod off, their brains are still working hard to process the day’s events and their emotions. Sleep also plays a role in learning and memory consolidation. The National Institutes of Health suggest sleep also plays a housekeeping role. In other words, while you sleep, your brain clears away toxins that build up throughout the day. Try to understand that little ones can internalize anxiety, fear, stress and trauma. They may not be able to tell what’s real and what’s not. Then their dreams can feel so alarmingly real that they can have a hard time separating what they experienced in their sleep from what is actually happening.

Try exploring your child’s room together and asking what they see. Show them the tricks their eyes play on them. For example, “See, it’s not a witch. It is just your coat hanging from the chair,” or, “See the shadows moving on your wall? Those aren’t bad guys creeping into the house. They are the headlights from cars driving by.”

Make sleep a priority. Children are more likely to have nightmares when they are running on too little sleep. Nightmares are actually a form of parasomnia, or sleep disruption, and can be associated with poor sleep quality or not enough sleep.

Although it can be easy to bring children into your bed with you, be prepared for the consequences. Snuggling together is something families cherish but does not give your child the chance to learn to sleep independently.

It can’t be emphasized enough how important a sleep partner or comfort item can be. When you hear, “Mommy, I neeeeeed youuuuuu!” in comes the giant teddy bear to cuddle with. Or even have your child snuggle your shirt or pillowcase—something that smells like a person they love can be a great source of comfort for a child.

If you think about, you can probably remember that special doll or stuffed animal you carried until it was ragged. Mine was a Lassie dog, which I still have!

Judy Goppert lives in Lee’s Summit. She enjoys drawing on her personal experiences to write about the nuances of everything wonderful about life.

As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.

Sources: SleepFoundation.org, Fatherly.com, Health.ClevelandClinic.org