9 minute read
Why Kids Should Get Messy
LET THEM GET messy
It’s a tradition in our family on our children’s first birthdays to set them in the bathtub in their diaper with paint and a canvas and let them create their own first piece of artwork.
A parent is present (or the whole family to watch!), and we use nontoxic paint. But yes, there is a huge, fun mess! Usually the artwork is created with their fingers or whole hand, but it’s not ever a surprise for some toes and feet to get in on the action too! Children are made to be messy—and not only learn but thrive when they are encouraged to explore and make a mess!
When we think of a child’s getting messy, we usually think just of the mess itself. What if we shift our mindset to look at mess-making as children’s having a creative space to explore their surroundings using their senses? We explore most things with our hands and eyes, but what happens when we encourage our children to explore something with all their senses instead? Their whole view of something might quickly shift, opening the possibility to new ideas. What a fun way to learn!
When parents start thinking of this new way of playing, we often struggle with where to start. Do we toss them outside into a muddy puddle or do we guide them a bit more? The answer of course depends on your children and how they like to learn. Some children will gladly run into a muddy puddle. Other children might need to be told it’s okay to get in.
A great place to start getting messy is in the kitchen. Food and liquids offer almost unlimited options for exploration. You can see, touch, taste and smell the items—and some you can even hear! Adults know what a bag of frozen peas feels like. When children help cook, we usually give them the task of pouring the frozen peas from the bag into the pot. But what if, instead of telling them to pour in the peas right away, we give them time and space to explore the peas? Encourage your child to stick a whole hand into the frozen bag or pour the peas over those little palms. What does it sound like when we drop the frozen peas on the counter or the floor? What does it feel like when we add water to the pot and the frozen peas? Watch your child pour liquid over the peas to see them defrost. Try to encourage putting one—or even a handful— into a curious mouth. How does your tot react?
Excited? Shocked? It’s probably a new batch of sensations that are super fun!
Now that you have the idea, take it and apply it anywhere and everywhere you can! You will quickly find your child becoming a little explorer who is also becoming more independent and inquisitive. Kids quickly learn the process of cause and effect and how to sort out steps of doing things in different orders. Of course, you’ll set limits so that messy play doesn’t involve your child’s pouring the whole gallon of milk onto the table and then onto the floor. A few ounces of the creamy beverage and a giant bowl will do nicely.
Playing messy naturally results in a mess, and that, in turn, provides a great opportunity to learn about cleaning up after ourselves. So play with the paint and let everyone do their own thing, but make sure the last step is for all participants to help with the cleanup and putting away. A parent can employ a few strategies to make things easier. Teach your kids to use baby wipes and clean up as they go. Take the mess outdoors. Cover the floor and play surface with disposable plastic table covers that are easy to gather up and toss in the trash. You might even consider the bathtub approach. I often hear myself inviting my kids to the bathroom to make a gift for Grandma. Then, the kids sit in the tub, kids work on the project, kids get a bath and Grandma gets a gift. It’s a win-win for us all!
When the fun mess begins to overload your senses, try to look at the big picture. Remember, you are giving your kids the space to explore, grow and have fun. Try to step back and let them figure things out and see what they come up with on their own. You provide the supplies and space then let them go!
When children are given a safe space to explore and learn, they build the confidence they need to succeed—or, better yet, fail and learn to try again until they do succeed. We all know children want to be independent, and we truly want them to be independent too. And the process of children growing and pursuing that independence is often best when it’s a bit messy!
Janelle Cumro-Sultzer lives in Overland Park with her husband, two children and two dogs. Janelle is a former health care executive director and is a mediator in Kansas, helping families in conflict. Janelle loves to focus on learning through play and getting messy with crafts.
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Calming Strategies For Kids
Children are naturally curious about the world around them. Some dive in headfirst, and others are a bit more standoffish. All will experience some sort of anxiety as they explore. Each blooming personality will face things in its own way, and when you show your little ones that it’s okay to feel a bit nervous when having to sing in a recital or take a spelling test, they will handle what comes at them with courage.
You can employ plenty of activities and strategies to help your children learn to stay calm. For example, stay busy. Build a Lego town and focus on each piece. There is something incredibly mindful about this simple activity, which is why it’s been calming children for generations.
To wind down at any age, take a bath. Make today a bubble bath kind of day. Play some music or read to your child while she’s soaking.
Mindful coloring is an awesome way to spend time quietly. You can sit down and color together. You’ll both find therapy in shading, staying in the lines—or not—choosing favorite colors, combining patterns and ending up with something unique to hang on the wall or the fridge.
There’s no substitute for the multisensory experience of settling into a comfy chair and escaping for a time into a fantastic story. It is one-on-one time that gives you the opportunity to teach and connect. Audiobooks are great also. Play a fun story while your children squish around some play dough or help you cook up some spaghetti. Listening will occupy their minds and keep negative thoughts out. Petting a dog or cat also has a reliably calming effect, and their unconditional love will make any situation easier to get through. If you don’t have a pet, try a soft stuffed animal.
Older children can write down what they are feeling. If they don’t know where to start, give them a little prompt. For example, I feel sad because …, I feel angry because …, I feel worried because …, I feel happy because …, I feel scared because … or I feel excited because…. Leave them to their own thoughts or go through their responses together.
Go outside! A change of scenery is a big help when life is closing in. Go on a scavenger hunt or plant a garden. Go for a bike ride or nature walk. Talk about how the birds are always singing and carefree, or the squirrels run here and there and enjoy their lives. We people can do that too.
My daughter has taught her little boys to take a deep breath then blow it out on their hands. She’s also had them hold a tissue in front of their mouths, so when they blow that breath out, it flutters.
This centering activity helps when a loud car goes by, fireworks are going off or they just simply can’t stay still.
Try the turtle exercise to release muscle tension. Oh no, it’s started to rain! Curl up tight under your shell for about 10 seconds. The sun is out again, so it’s time to come out of your shell and return to your relaxing walk. Repeat this a few times, making sure to finish with a walk so your body is relaxed.
Make your own stress balls. It’s a proven fact that if you squeeze with your hands, tension melts. Fill balloons with dry lentils or rice. Take the ball in your hand and squeeze and release. Find a way that is right for your child, adjusting the speed, pressure and timing of squeezes to whatever you like.
Think about a happy spot. Teaching your children that they can think about a happy place or another pleasant thought is a form of mindsight. It’s always important to acknowledge big feelings, but shifting temporarily can prevent an emotional meltdown. The Whole Brain Child by Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson explains that showing kids that one thought or feeling is just one part of them is a powerful technique. When your child is starting to experience a big feeling, try asking, “Do you want to think about this now, or would you rather think about swimming later?” Knowing how to take a step back and recenter, how to take a breath and recognize our emotions is a vital life skill. If we can teach our children how to handle these big emotions—anxiety, worry, frustration, anger—we prepare them for the trials and hiccups that will come throughout life.
Think about how you deal with your feelings. Do you go for a run, do some yoga, exercise or listen to music? These are all helpful tactics that help you process and deal with your emotions. What if we taught our children these skills? It might drastically cut down that out-of-control feeling, tantrums, tension and even tears they experience.
Judy Goppert lives in Lee’s Summit. She enjoys drawing on her personal experiences to write about the nuances of everything wonderful about life.
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