23 minute read
Party Guide
Every year when I was a kid, my parents let me choose where I wanted to eat dinner out for my birthday. Another birthday tradition they kept going was to have a small party for me with family and friends, including a cookout since I have a June birthday. Kids love to feel special, and it can be a challenge to find the time to come up with ways to make a birthday a knockout. Never fear! Below are four ideas for birthday traditions to start with your own kids. Pick and choose a few of them each year—and stick with the ones you and your birthday kid love! Rise and shine. I like to wake my kids up on their birthday not with “Get up! It’s time for school!” but with an extra long snuggle and the condensed version of the day they were born. Who doesn’t like to hear their birth story?! Adopted and foster children can be told how they were meant to be brought into the family and how special they are. Birthday letter. Every year I type up a birthday letter for each of my children, telling them what great things they did and said and learned during the past year. I give the birthday child a copy, then save a copy in a binder and on my computer for myself, because we all know kids can’t keep track of stuff. The plan is to give each of my children a copy of all their letters when they move out, which means they’ll have somewhere between 18 and 30 letters to enjoy! Birthday slideshow. With just a few clicks of your mouse, you can create a special slideshow using PowerPoint or a similar computer program. Just pop in photos, size them and add cute captions. You even can add some music if you like. After your child watches it about a zillion times, save it to a CD and pop it in a special place (safe deposit box, fireproof box, etc.) so your child will always have it. Special treat. We like to hit the cupcake restaurant or grab huge, frosted cookies from a local baker and share with our friends and neighbors to spread the celebration around. A cheap—and just as special—route would be to make your child’s favorite dessert at home. Cookies, cake, banana splits, shakes or ice cream sundaes are always a good bet. Depending on which fruit is in season (or go frozen!), a decadent fruit smoothie made with frozen yogurt could be nice.
Four Birthday Traditions You’ll Want to Try
Kerrie McLoughlin is the proud and kooky mom of five. Check out their adventures at TheKerrieShow.com.
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Do You Wanna Have a Sleepover?
Being a kid can be tough. School, rules, chores—what a world! Fortunately, one of the greatest, most exciting childhood rites of passage still persists: sleepovers.
Though a sleepover is meant to be fun, silly and even a little crazy, it probably wouldn’t surprise you to hear that most adults regard this very common experience with a bit of anxiety. Whether you’re the parent hosting the sleepover or the one sending your child over to a friend’s home, here are some suggestions and tips to make sure the night goes smoothly.
Know thy child
If you ask 10 parents what age is best for a child to experience a sleepover, you’ll get 10 different answers. That’s because no child is the same. Some children are ready for a sleepover at their bestie’s home by the age of 3 or 4. On the other side, some children won’t be emotionally ready for the separation from their own beds until much later. Take a hard look at your child’s sleep patterns. Has he slept over at a grandparent’s or trusted relative’s home without you for a whole night yet? If not, it’s a good idea to try that first to get a feel for his response. If your child still wakes up in the middle of the night from nightmares or occasionally climbs into bed with you, it’s likely too early to try a sleepover. Although there is no official right time for a child to attend a sleepover, there certainly can be a wrong time. It’s up to you to gauge the difference.
Ask the questions
If your child receives a sleepover invitation, you are always within your rights to ask as many questions as you feel necessary. (Check out our list of top “Sleepover Questions” at the end of this article.) In addition, if the home is new to your child, consider asking whether your child can come over for a playdate a few days before the sleepover. It may seem like an imposition, but getting familiar with new territory could help your child feel more comfortable and get a feel for the upcoming night, especially if he can see where he will be sleeping. Lastly, ask your child if he even wants to go. Children feel pressure to attend sleepovers, but it’s possible they aren’t comfortable. Give them the out in case they want it.
Screen Safety
We live in a digital world. The days of simply hiding R-rated DVDs are long over. It’s fair for you to ask what types of screen exposure your child will encounter at her sleepover. Will there be iPads? Laptops? Amazon Prime? Netflix? How are the hosts going to safeguard those crafty kiddos from getting into trouble online? Each host parent’s response will vary, so you must be prepared to make decisions based on your comfort level. Some hosts may choose to implement a “No Phone Zone,” where all of the guests’ devices are kept in a safe place. When children want to call or speak to their parents, they simply ask the host parent for their phones. You might also consider asking for password protections to be placed on devices with access to PG-13 and R-rated movies. Again, usage limits and allowances will likely change with the party’s age group, so decide ahead of time what you are comfortable with.
Lights Out
Do you enjoy living with grumpy zombies? Probably not. Better check with the slumber party hosts to see whether there will be an official lights out time. Obviously, flipping the light switch off doesn’t mean sleeping will happen, but it may at least jump start the process. If the host parents don’t plan to implement any strategy to encourage sleep, you may want to reconsider allowing your child to stay all night. Kids need sleep, even if just for a few hours.
Give your child the power
You’ll receive assurances from the host parents that your kids are in safe hands, but the fact is, your child will eventually come across a situation that’s tricky. Maybe it’s a friend who wants to sneak out. Maybe it’s a classmate making fun of another guest at the sleepover. For this reason, it’s imperative to have discussions with your children and equip them with the power to pull the plug. If they’re old enough to text, give them a coded message for an SOS. In our household, if my stepdaughter wants to come home, she simply texts a variation of the phrase, “Do we have macaroni at home for dinner tomorrow?” If we receive that message, we know she wants to come home and needs an excuse. We can then insist she come home. Her rep stays intact, and we’re happy to be the bad guy.
There’s a second option
Spoiler alert: Sleepovers don’t have to be all night. Many parents are beginning to implement a “stay most of the night” policy for their kids. In these situations, children can stay as late as midnight to enjoy the fun and craziness but then return home for restful sleep in their own beds. Some may argue this detracts from the whole experience of sleepovers, and to an extent that’s true. But if it means I can have a fully functioning child on Saturday or Sunday afternoon, it’s worth the eye rolls and “you never let me do anything fun” outbursts.
Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.
Sleepover Questions That Should Always Be Asked:
1. Who will be present in the house at the sleepover? Make sure to ask for an inclusive list. You may think it’s just a child’s mom, but will her boyfriend be present, too? What about grandparents? Is there a teen sibling in the house who might have a friend over? You have a right to know. 2. What are emergency numbers for at least two people who will be in the home? 3. Are there any weapons in the home? Where and how are they stored? 4. Where specifically is your child going to sleep? Offer to provide her own sleeping bag, both for her comfort and your piece of mind. 5. What sorts of apps/cable channels/etc. will the kids have access to? How will it be monitored?
6. Will the kids be leaving at any time? Where are they going, who is driving and will there be a need for a car seat for young kids? 7. Are there nightlights? Many children sleep with them, but others don’t. It’s a small detail, but it could matter a great deal to your child.
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Want More in Life?
Here’s a way to experience the joy of parenthood and help children
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Creative consequences for kids
Kids are learning to regulate their tiny bodies, and their brains just get overwhelmed sometimes. I’m a firm believer in the saying “There are no bad kids, only bad days.” Chances are, your kiddo will have a rough time one of these days and need some redirection. There’s no need for overthe-top discipline or punishing. A little guidance and a lot of nurturing goes a long way.
I get it, though—some days you wish you could just drink all the wine and send your kids to their rooms to watch Disney+ while you tune everyone out to meditate. Since that’s not an option, here are eight clever consequences to keep your tiny humans on track, while also letting them know certain actions are off limits and have consequences. Draw it out
Let’s say your child is having a meltdown. He probably needs time to cool down, but a time-out isn’t cutting it. Have him take a break, except frame it this way: Let’s take a minute to draw a picture about our feelings. Let him take all his frustration out on a drawing or painting. When he’s done, let playtime resume.
Time-in
Instead of a time-out (because, let’s face it, those don’t always work), try a time-in. Create a designated spot— maybe a tepee tent or spot in the living room with your yoga mat—where she must complete a task. Make it a puzzle, coloring a picture or tracing the alphabet. This allows her to divert her energies elsewhere. Earn points with chores
Allow him to earn points by doing certain chores. For example, watering plants could earn him 10 points. The prize for dusting shelves or doing the dishes could be 25 points. Once he reaches the desired total points, he can earn back a privilege or a toy, for example. This option is more appropriate for older kids, of course.
Cooldown time
If your child is having a meltdown, losing her temper or particularly frustrated, ask her to take a walk, join her for a run or have her walk the dog. This allows both of you to calm down and remain in a healthy headspace.
Set a timer
If your kiddo is having trouble regulating his emotions and can’t calm down, set a timer for 1 or 2 minutes. Tell him you’re going to stop playing for a few minutes and take deep breaths together until the timer goes off. Even if he’s frustrated, this still allows him to pause, and taking even one or two deep breaths will give him a chance to reset.
Write a letter
If your kids are fighting, let them know it’s okay for them to disagree sometimes. Maybe harsh words are exchanged, or, let’s say, one sister calls the other a “meanie head.” If they’re old enough to write, have them write a letter of appreciation to each other. This lets them know even if they don’t agree, it’s not okay to call each other names and to acknowledge what each likes about the other.
Step away from the fun
If you’re playing outside and your kiddo starts to get rough (throws a rock, tries to hit a friend, etc.) simply remove the offender from the fun. If he understands, explain, “We can’t be rough with our friends. Let’s take a break.” Take a walk around the block or find a spot to sit for a couple minutes. This removes him from the activity where he showed the undesirable behavior, then lets him know it’s okay to come back as long as he plays safely and appropriately.
Emily Morrison is a freelance writer, former copy editor, full-time mommy and Disney fanatic who lives in Independence with her husband, son, daughter and dog.
WHEN MOM TAKES TIME FOR
Sometimes, taking a break with the girlfriends is the best way to care for yourself
t’s no secret that moms perform multiple full-time jobs simultaneously, even if they’re also working elsewhere for pay. Not only is parenting a 24/7 job, but other tasks such as cleaning the home, cooking meals, chauffeuring the kids to activities and serving as the in-home teacher are often part of daily mom duties. The job can be exhausting, and no HR department guarantees built-in breaks or vacation time.
Looking for some reprieve? A moms night out can certainly provide a muchneeded escape. It might seem impossible to get away for an evening and that any efforts to take a moms night out would only result in the kind of hilarious drama found in the aptly-named 2014 movie. Rest assured, though, moms can get away for an evening with a little less drama and more relaxation than portrayed on screen.
Perhaps one of the most difficult parts of taking a moms night out is simply overcoming the guilt of taking a break. When so many responsibilities weigh on you, taking a night off isn’t easy, but consider the benefits and make it a priority.
Time away with friends can provide a sense of renewed energy in parenting and some much-needed adult conversation. It also gives you the opportunity to step away from frustrations and mentally reset. In parenting, losing a sense of your own identity is all too easy when you spend so much of your time serving the family, and a moms night out can help you retain a bit of your own individualism. Your family might even be more appreciative of everything you do when you step away for a bit.
“It’s not only good for the mama, but it also does the kids good to see Mom get a break,” says local mom Meagan Ingold.
Need some creative ideas for a moms night out? Try these:
Take a painting class
Pinot’s Palette is just one business that offers classes with step-by-step instructions to create a great painting. You’ll feel quite fulfilled when you create a piece of artwork you never thought you were capable of.
Go to a botanical garden
Powell Gardens or the Overland Park Arboretum & Botanical Gardens offer wonderful, inspiring experiences in nature. Ingold and some of her friends went to Powell Gardens for a night out and had a wonderful time there. The venue even offers live music on some nights.
Paint pottery or get crafty together
There are many businesses in the area that transform crafts into an experience that makes for a memorable time with the girls. Potter’s Haven Art Studio is one such business in Lee’s Summit.
Go to a spa
Have you always wanted to get a facial, manicure, pedicure or massage but never had the time or wanted to spend the money on it? Make time for it and do it.
Take a cooking class
You can expand your kitchen repertoire, deepen your friendships and have some fun all at the same time.
Go shopping at boutique shops
It’s easy to get stuck in a rut of only shopping at big box stores, but you can find some of the most unique items in small boutique shops. Explore some tucked-away businesses with your girlfriends—you may come away with some surprise gems!
Do an escape room
There are escape rooms all around the Kansas City area that offer a fun experience and promise to provide some good memories. Do you think you can make it out in time?
Try Blade and Timber
Who says moms can’t throw an ax? It’s a fun way to release any pent-up aggression, too.
Simply go out to dinner
Creative, fun and unique outings are always wonderful, but perhaps some of the best memories are made simply talking over dinner at a favorite restaurant. When out with the mom friends, be sure to choose a restaurant you love but don’t frequent much because the rest of the family doesn’t enjoy it as much as you do.
Your mini escape doesn’t necessarily have to be a moms night out. A Saturday morning at the farmers market followed by brunch can provide a much-needed respite, as well. Of if you are totally overdue for some time for yourself, consider taking a small day trip with the girlfriends.
“Every stage of motherhood is different and brings new challenges and things to celebrate, which is why having a community of women to share those moments with you, who are walking life
with you, encouraging you and cheering you on, is so important,” says Michaela Mick, a Lee’s Summit mom.
Mick says her favorite moms night out has been sitting around the table at a restaurant and being able to talk about life.
Local mom Jenny Wilhoit says she takes a moms night out with three other mothers every other month, and in the process, they have celebrated everyone’s birthday and a “Galentine’s Day.” She says her favorite memory is when they went out for her 30th birthday because it started their tradition of birthday celebrations.
“The value I’ve found in it is connecting with other moms going through the same things,” Wilhoit says. “Talking out problems or issues with people going through the same thing has been helpful. It’s also good for my children to see me spending time outside the house with friends.”
Allison Gibeson is a Lee’s Summit writer and mom whose favorite moms night out is anything involving great conversation with cherished friends.
Benefits of moms night out
Are you still not convinced you should take some time off for a moms night out? Here are some benefits you could experience if you do: • Deeper friendships. • The opportunity to learn a new skill.
• A chance for relaxation, destressing and clearing your mind.
• Retaining your connection to the adult world.
• Maintaining a sense of your individualism.
• Helping the rest of the family be appreciative of everything you do.
Tips to Support an ANXIOUS Child
Anxiety is a feeling of unease or nervousness that often accompanies an upcoming event or something with an uncertain outcome. This feeling typically comes with physical signs, such as increased heart rate or muscle tension (Merriam-Webster). Even children have occasional feelings of anxiety when faced with something new or if they must confront their fears, and just like adults, kids experience periods of sadness, nervous feelings and hopelessness during childhood. We parents can support our kids while they have these episodes and give them tools to work through the hard times.
But sorting through these issues is challenging. Many parents wonder about the difference between children’s anxious feelings that stem from typical developmental challenges and their anxious feelings that become less manageable and need professional help. For example, 7- to 9-month-old babies commonly have anxiety about strangers. Preschool-age children tend to fear the dark, monsters and insects, and school-age kids often have anxious feelings about school and friends. These feelings are expected for kids and part of their learning to manage the world around them. But when these fears begin to interrupt their ability to learn, interact with peers, sleep at night or function normally in daily life, those children might be dealing with an anxiety disorder (VeryWellMind.com). “We sought professional help when anxiety caused self-harm or destructive behaviors,” says Courtney DeBok, a mom of six from Paola, KS. “Continued talks about what’s causing the anxiety help, but sometimes the child can’t identify what they are anxious about. This is also another reason it’s helpful to include a professional.”
Anxiety can appear at any age, but children experience these feelings much differently than adults. True anxiety can cause anger and aggression, bedwetting, changes in appetite, insomnia, fatigue, trouble focusing, irritability, muscle tension, nervous habits such as nail biting, restlessness, headaches or stomachaches in children. Anxious feelings can prompt children to refuse to go to school or other activities or make them want to avoid situations. The Centers for Disease Control Prevention (CDC) says, “7.1 percent of children aged 3-17 years (approximately 4.4 million) have diagnosed anxiety.” If your children struggle with anxiety, the statistics show they are not alone.
Feelings of anxiousness protect us from dangerous situations and warn us when to avoid things that may put us at risk. This is the positive side of anxious feelings. However, an anxiety disorder can be debilitating and cause us to make decisions that are no longer protecting us.
Anxiety in children can be difficult to identify because it can appear to be a child’s acting out or behaving strangely rather than expressing an underlying concern. For example, if your child is having anxiety about school, he may refuse to go, may complain about a stomachache and ask to see the nurse to get out of class, or he may act out and distract his peers. If you feel that your child’s behavior stems from anxiousness about a situation, try to identify the problem’s root. “We ask questions that get them to discover the root of the worry themselves,” says an Olathe mom of three. She suggests using questions like “What are you most afraid of happening in this situation?” This helps kids determine the root of the problem. “If they don’t know
what scares them, we walk through a possible scenario of the whole event and stop when they get to the scary part so we can further discuss it,” she says.
Darcy King, mom of two from Olathe, says, “We use a lot of grounding techniques. For example, name five things you see, five things you hear, five things you feel. We also use deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation videos that can be found on YouTube.” Olathe mom of three Amy Cameron says, “I finally asked my kids if they felt like talking to a therapist, and I was surprised how well they were able to articulate what they were going through. It helped a lot.”
No one will argue that anxious feelings are normal on occasion for both kids and adults. When these feelings interfere with schoolwork, activities and relationships, disrupt the entire family or become unmanageable, it may be time to seek professional help. If your child is threatening to hurt herself or others, or if her behavior feels scary or out of control, see a professional right away. A therapist will be able to give you and your child tools to manage the anxiety in a healthy way, identify the root of the problem, determine symptoms and triggers, and prescribe medication if needed. These steps will make anxiety more manageable and leave your child feeling healthier and happier.
Tips to Tame Anxiety in Your Children • Name the worry and talk about it. • Determine the symptoms of anxiety so you are aware of it right away. • Determine the triggers and the root of the problem. • Listen to their fears without brushing them off. • Walk through what could happen and come up with solutions. • Write down the fears then throw them away. • Journal about your feelings. • Let them know it’s normal—every child experiences nervous feelings. • Give them a hug, hug a stuffed animal or snuggle up with a stuffed animal or pet. • Take a bath or splash water on your face. • Do a grounding activity like the five senses game. Name one thing you can see, hear, smell, taste and feel • Practice deep breathing and muscle relaxation techniques. • Listen to music or sing a song. • Utilize a fidget toy or stress ball. • Get moving—exercise or go for a walk. • Be patient and remain a calming presence for your child.
Anxiety | Definition of Anxiety by Merriam-Webster
Children with Anxiety: Symptoms and How to Help (VeryWellMind.com) Signs of Anxiety in Children: Child Anxiety Symptoms Anxiety and Depression in Children: Get the facts | CDC (statistics)
Sarah Lyons is an Olathe mom of six children, including 7-year-old triplets. As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.
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