What Kids Can Learn from Grandparents

we all know grandparents love spending time with their grandchildren. Holding the child of your child is something indescribably life changing. Not only is it affirmation that you have somehow done something right and that your child is now going to become you, but it is a miracle. It’s also an enriching experience for the youngsters physically, emotionally, mentally and socially.

Grandparents can actually increase your children’s emotional intelligence, which is so important now. Raising emotionally well-adjusted kids is our goal, and grandparents can assist with this. Research has found that children who spend more time with their grandparents are at a reduced risk for having emotional and behavioral issues compared to children who do not have grandparents involved in their lives. This is particularly true for adolescents from divorced or separated families. So if you want a happy child, invite Grandpa over for s’mores!

Little ones may innately fear the elderly, which contributes to ageism. Studies show that children as young as 3 exhibit negative attitudes toward older people. Having Grandma and Grandpa around can reduce these feelings.

Children learn that happiness is easy around grandparents. We parents often run on empty, desperate for a shower, a snack that doesn’t include Goldfish crackers or a moment alone in the bathroom. When grandparents do not live in the same house as their grandchildren, spending time together may feel extra special for both. Grandparents may also be retired and have more energy and patience when playing with younger children, which gives parents a great breather. Quality time with grandparents is a joyous win for all involved!

Grandparents encourage prosocial behaviors, making kids more sweet-natured and accepting. Grandparents’ financial and emotional support was shown to both improve their grandchild’s behavior and increase school engagement. A study focused on 10- to 14-year-olds living in both single and two-parent families. Grandparent involvement led to an increase in kind, empathetic behavior. A teenager who is considerate toward others is a reason to celebrate!

The power of true, unconditional love and connection in grandparent-grandchild relationships battles back against depressive symptoms in children and elderly people alike. Grandparents who took part in a study were found to be less depressed when they

My family never lived close together, so several times a year we would travel to Texas to visit my mother’s parents. Those times rank highest on my memory list. Mamau was about fourfoot-eleven and towered to me. She made the most amazing homemade everything, from meatloaf and mayo to cheesecake and bread. She spent “special” time with me in the mornings when we would go out into her backyard and pick tiny red peppers to put in a jar. I love hot sauce now because of her, and I can’t eat a meatloaf sandwich with a fresh tomato and mayo without being transported back in time. And Grandpa drove a Tom’s candy truck! He would let my sisters and me climb the steps inside and pick any candy we wanted. The hum of the window air conditioner in their house and the way I felt sitting at their melamine table, the crack of her spoon on the constant hot pan on Mamau’s gas stove, and the Velveeta box filled with coupons. Your little girl or boy will absorb experiences you can’t imagine if they are lucky enough to be around your parents. In their eyes, your kids are angels!

— Judy Goppert received or gave tangible help to their grandchildren. This includes rides to the store, advice on life or financial assistance. So, when Mom doesn’t have the answer, Facetime Grandma! It’s good for her mental health, and she will give you new perspective. And let’s face it, there is probably nothing you could throw grandparents’ way they haven’t seen before!

Many enjoy the rich stories grandparents tell, which helps your children understand where they came from. Helping kids understand the struggles and successes of the family helps them learn family history. And when they know the backstory, grandchildren will love and keep old heirlooms and photo albums, secret family recipes and neat treasures. This sharing helps keep grandparents’ memories alive, which for many older adults is so important. Every family is unique, and you may learn something yourself as parents that will connect you to your roots.

Beyond building family heritage, grandparents are the ultimate at cuddling! Nobody knows how to do this better than grandparents. A good hug makes people feel safe, supported and secure. It also releases oxytocin for both huggers. Talk about emotional medicine!

Often, as parents we don’t want to tell all the things we did in the past, but grandparents satisfy our kids’ natural curiosity about when, where and how their parents grew up. What were you like as a kid? What sports did you play? What was your favorite food? Grandma remembers vividly and can offer funny anecdotes, which are worth their weight in gold to kids, as this humanizes Mom and Dad. Also, these memories can connect your kids to their grandparents over story time.

Does Grandpa do woodworking? Does Grandma crochet or knit or cook? Because they started life long before their grandchildren, they thrill to teach them a new skill. Passing down these arts to kids helps keep traditions alive, and those skills are amazingly handy to have. Let your kids teach Grandma and Grandpa something new as well! For example, grandkids can walk their seniors through how to work their new iPhone!

For a grandparent, this new relationship means a second chance! Grandparents may have tried their hardest as parents, and now they get to know how to do things with a fresh new outlook. Also, spending time with grandchildren helps Grandma and Grandpa live longer. It gives them something to look forward to, and they will be great babysitters!

Grandkids can actually help their elders reach old age simply by being around. Studies have shown that those who babysit their grandkids have a 37% lower mortality rate compared to people of the same age who do not have consistent childcare duties assigned to their daily lives. This may be attributed to the fact that older people who care for younger children have a great sense of purpose, remain active with their fast kids and spend their days honing in on cognitive function and skill.

An avid outdoors girl, Judy Goppert lives in Lee’s Summit. She enjoys drawing on her personal experiences to write about the nuances of everything wonderful about life.

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IDEAS FOR GRANDPARENTS DAY IN KC

Grandparents Day falls on Sept. 11 this year. We are excited to honor grandparents with memory-making outings, homemade gifts and treasured time celebrating them!

1Train Rides Enjoy a ride aboard the Belton, Grandview & Kansas City Railroad. Trains bring out the child in everyone, and the Belton, Grandview & Kansas City Railroad’s oldfashioned rides are just the ticket! Take an excursion south from Belton on a 5-mile, 45-minute round trip. You’ll find tickets for 2:00 Sunday afternoon rides at KCRRM.org.

2FREE Admission for Grandparents Day One of our favorite local attractions, the Mahaffie Stagecoach Stop & Farm, is celebrating grandparents a day early this year, on Sept. 10. Bring the whole family to experience living history, 1860s style! The Olathe Civic Band will begin playing on the North Activity Area at 2:00. Living history activities may include stagecoach rides, seasonal farming activities, visiting the Mahaffie House, blacksmith and cookstove demonstrations, yard games, self-guided tours of exhibits in the Agricultural Heritage Livestock Barn and the Heritage Center. Best of all, one grandparent is admitted free with one paying grandchild admission. Mahaffie.org 3 Paint Pottery There is something special about the handprints of a child, and the best place to make a handprint, footprint or thumbprint keepsake is Ceramic Café. This paint-yourown pottery shop offers a wide selection of projects, from plates and mugs to frames and holiday pieces. The staff will happily help with project ideas and inspiration as your children paint ceramic masterpieces. You can invite grandparents to paint with you or make gifts in advance for the holiday. For the gifts to be ready in time, plan your painting for a week or more in advance. CeramicCafeKC.com

4Head to the Kansas City Zoo Everyone loves a beautiful day at the Kansas City Zoo. Pack a picnic and bring it to the zoo! Spend time enjoying the Polar Bear Passage, Helzberg Penguin Plaza, Tiger Trail, Australia and Elephant Expedition. Then, head over to Africa and enjoy a ride on the Sky Safari. Remember to ride on the carousel, boat or tram for even more fun. Upgrade your FOTZ membership to enjoy free rides! KansasCityZoo.org 5 Conduct an Interview Whether grandparents live nearby or far away, you can capture and preserve the special relationship they hold in your family. Help the kids create a journal or blog and interview their grandparents, recording the answers. Make two copies—one to keep and one to share— or create a blog to share online. Add to it each year.

Interview Grandparents: • When you were my age, what did you enjoy? • Did you watch TV? Favorite shows? • What did you enjoy in school? • What did your bedroom look like? • Did you have a favorite pet? • What did you want to be when you grew up and did you do it? • Tell about the first time you met

Grandma/Grandpa. • What was my parent like as a child? • What did you think when you first met me?

Interview Children:

• What do you enjoy most about your grandparents? • What is your first memory of your grandparents? • What do you look forward to doing together? • What would you like to know about them?

YOU’RE DOING GREAT, MAMA

No one is harder on themselves than moms. Each day is a constant battle within our own minds, making sure everything is done on time and in the right order. The to-do list in our head for taking care of others is never-ending, yet the list for ourselves is never started. When you’re in the thick of motherhood, it can be difficult to see the forest for the trees. Here are six ways you think you’re failing as a parent, but in reality, you’re kicking some serious mother tail.

WHAT YOU THINK YOU DID

WRONG: Drive-throughs instead of cooking

WHAT YOU ACTUALLY DID

RIGHT: Made everyone’s life easier

Repeat after me:

“I am not Gordon Ramsay. I am not Wolfgang Puck. I am a mom, and tonight McDonald’s is the answer.”

Seriously, check this worry off your list. Our calendars runneth over with meetings, sports, bills and relationships. We can’t finagle all of them to clear time to create a culinary masterpiece every evening. You are not failing if you stick your head out the window and order from a menu that offers nothing but high fructose corn syrup and processed carbohydrates. One of the greatest joys in life is eating junk food occasionally. And while we’re here, let’s get something straight. If you feel cooking is too much to add to your plate, get some help. Enlist your partner or a weekly meal service to shoulder some of the responsibility.

Because remember, you are not Gordon Ramsay.

WHAT YOU THINK YOU DID

WRONG: Were too soft

WHAT YOU ACTUALLY DID

RIGHT: Showed compassion

We have a soft spot for our kids. It’s how we’re built. Though we appreciate that discipline is an essential and integral part of teaching fundamentals, sometimes those long eyelashes and pouty lips just melt us into a puddle of butter. Relax, Mom. Showing compassion and understanding over discipline and consequence isn’t going to ruin your child today or even tomorrow. No one grows up and says, “My mom was way too understanding with me.” There is a major supply chain shortage on empathy in this world. Fill that inventory as much as you want.

WHAT YOU THINK YOU

DID WRONG: Went to the pediatrician—again—and it was nothing

WHAT YOU ACTUALLY DID RIGHT:

Followed your gut

There is no such thing as an unnecessary doctor visit. When your child exhibits symptoms that cause you concern, it is absolutely acceptable for you to get them checked out. A doctor would much rather see you for a false alarm than find out you sought medical advice from 200 unqualified strangers on social media. You are your child’s biggest—and sometimes only— advocate. Kids look to you to know when there are signs of trouble. Lean into that honor and never question it. If your concern turns out to be nothing, great. You can sleep easier knowing you trusted your gut.

WHAT YOU THINK YOU DID

WRONG: Let your children fall

WHAT YOU ACTUALLY DID

RIGHT: Taught them to get back up

This applies both metaphorically and actually. Babies learn to walk because they fall down and then get back up again. In the same way, your child will learn to succeed by failing—and then trying again. By allowing your children to make mistakes, such as running on a slippery surface, eating too much candy or forgetting their homework again, you teach them to fail quickly and then rebound faster on their own.

WHAT YOU THINK YOU DID

WRONG: Missed your children’s event/game

WHAT YOU ACTUALLY DID

RIGHT: Taught them to be their own cheerleaders

A harsh reality for kids to learn is that their mom cannot be present for every high and low of their lives. As much as we want to attend every field day, trip to the aquarium and musical performance, it simply isn’t feasible. Mothers are humans and they are not omnipresent. We have our own goals and, gasp, lives! When a conflict arises and you’re forced to miss a game or a performance, cut yourself some slack. Talk to your child and explain where you will be and why it’s important that you be there. Then send him on his way with a smile, knowing he’ll be just fine. After all, you can’t sit in on your child’s first performance review, so he’d better get used to going it alone now.

WHAT YOU THINK YOU DID

WRONG: Slept in on the weekend

WHAT YOU ACTUALLY DID

RIGHT: Taught self-sufficiency

If your child is old enough to get cereal from the cabinet and work a remote control, you are allowed a few sleepins on the weekend. The world will not collapse if that pile of laundry doesn’t get put into the dryer, and your household will not die of starvation if you skip making breakfast on Sunday. By having a morning all to yourself, you teach those little ones of yours to fend for themselves. Might it backfire? Sure. They might find a Twinkie for breakfast, but hey, they’re fed. (Also, a Twinkie is nutritionally no better than a donut, so relax.) Let go of the notion that you aren’t allowed a little bit of laziness.

Every family and situation is different, but most moms have one thing in common. We worry we aren’t doing it right. Trust that you are doing your absolute best and no one is doing it perfectly. Give yourself some grace and a pedicure … you’ve earned it.

Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.

THINGS MOMS DO THAT FEEL SO WRONG BUT ARE SO, SO RIGHT:

n Take the long way home so you can finish one more episode of your favorite podcast. n Skip piano lessons and get a mommy/daughter pedicure instead. n Say NO to PTA, book club, coaching, chaperoning or any extracurricular activity you don’t have the bandwidth for. n Sign up to bring the easiest item on the school holiday party list. Napkins, baby. Napkins. n Eat the kids’ Halloween/Easter/Christmas candy. n Hire the babysitter. Two times in one week.