Of Pork Hash and Winter Nights

Fiction by Ysabelle Junio

Between the half-written paper analyses and overdue assignments, I find myself seeking solace in places I don’t expect the most.

I take a deep breath as I step out into the cold, I planned to order for one but ended up with two plates of pork hash in hand. I don’t even know why since I can barely finish one plate. At least, not at this moment I decided to step out of my room after an intense writing session.

The winter cold reminds me about how my pajamas are made out of thin material. As I start walking back to our dorm, the street lights cast silhouettes of the school buildings I’ve grown accustomed to seeing every day. The dead of the night amplifies the silence the walk brings. Something feels off, until I arrive at the lamppost Coby accidentally bumped into when he wasn’t looking. Eli’s hearty laughs echoes in my mind, along with Cy’s quip remark.

I squint my eyes as strong winds try to whisk my body away. Holding the plates tight, I force myself to brace through the cold.

The walk doesn’t feel long before, but that’s because they filled the silence with their mindless chatter. They always have a way of starting conversations unrelated with the things we discussed.

I used to be comfortable with my own silence. Now I don’t know which I prefer: the endless conversations or the cacophony of thoughts blending into one, “I wish they were here.”

Eating alone doesn’t bother me. Now I’m searching for a familiar face to eat with. Even when I visited the school store, it felt cold and unfeeling with the hard lights and a laughter-less atmosphere.

The thing I hate about loneliness is the absence of the presence I’m accustomed to be with.

My eyes go towards the dark horizon of the night. This isn’t working.

Stacking the plates together to free my left hand, I take out my phone, the screen serving as a stark contrast with the darkness. I sent a quick message to the group chat. I don’t even need to wait for a few seconds to receive a reply.

My lips curl into a smile as I see Coby’s chat head along with the question, “Where are you?”