Mommyzine June/July 2012

mommyzine

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MOMMY MAGIC™ mommyzine SUMMER 2012

What’s Inside

Publisher: Mary Susan Buhner Editor: Jen Alderman Contributing Writers:

Kara Tamulonis

Katie Swick

Molly Tittle Photos & Design:

Jen Alderman

©2012 Mommy Magic Publishing

Wecome Summer!

Features: Welcome from the Publisher The Mom Oath Run Your Race Witty in Pink Party it Up

3 4-5 8-9 13-14 16

In Every Issue What’s Hot this Summer

7

What’s in Your Bag?

10

Quick Crafts

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Quote of the Month Fitness Fabulous Mommy Magic Bulletin Board

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! e m o c l e W

Welcome to Mommy Magic’s

official MOMMYZINE! This is the first MOMMYZINE of its kind and it was created just for YOU! As a mom, myself, I know how busy and hectic life can be day in and day out. Mommy Magic’s Mommyzine was created to help inspire, empower and provide easy and fun tips to make motherhood more manageable and fun! Cheers to you and all the magic that you make each day despite the laundry that is never done - Happy Summer!

Mary Susan Founder, Mommy Magic

Mommy Magic is an interactive community of

real moms, founded by a real mom, to give support and tips to make the chaos of motherhood easier and more fun! I am Mary Susan, an author, a columnist, a life coach for moms and host of the Mommy Magic segment on FOX. Most importantly, I have three beautiful (and very busy) daughters! I am a real mom managing the daily insanity of motherhood just like you! Welcome to Mommy Magic and our first ever issue of The MOMMYZINE. We are so glad you have found our mom Jen Alderman Editor, Photographer & Designer community!

I am Jen Alderman, a photographer, designer, writer, and proud mom to three crazy (but sweet!) kids. Trying to keep up with the kids while running my own business can be pure chaos, but like all moms I’m thankful every day for my blessings. My business motto is, “Capturing the small moments in a big life,” and I try to live that motto in my daily life as well!

The MOMOath

In preparation for writing this issue, I was thinking about why I love Mother’s Day. Of course, I was vacuuming my house while I was contemplating this very notion. I always get to sleep in on Mother’s Day. I love catching up on sleep, but that wasn’t it. My kids always bring me breakfast in bed. I love their thoughtfulness, but that was not it either.

After I unplugged my sweeper and started to wind up the cord, it dawned on me that I think I love it because my family actually stops for a day and expresses their appreciation. It is not the gifts that get to me, but rather their appreciation for what I do on a daily basis as a mom.

Typically, as moms, we make it all look like no big deal. It is a big deal though.

A very big deal. It got me thinking that rather than waiting for the one day a year that is designated to moms and feeling appreciated and special, we needed to do it more on a regular basis. We need to remind ourselves that we are in fact, awesome! So in honor of moms everywhere, I wrote The Mom Oath. I hope you get a grin from reading it and remember how very awesome you are!

Why

take an oath, you ask? To take an oath means to swear solemnly or vow. Lawyers take an oath to practice law, we take vows when we get married promising to be faithful for better or for worse. Perhaps we should take an oath (to ourselves) as mothers. If such a formal oath existed, I would hope it would go something like this: Today I tried my best. Although I feel exhausted and sometimes defeated by the time I have put away the laundry for the 84th time, I vow to celebrate how awesome I am as a mom. No need to focus on the fact that I have not gone to the bathroom alone in years – I am awesome. I believe that staying up until midnight labeling every item of clothing my child owns before she goes to camp will make a difference before they trash their “camp clothes” – I am awesome.

I will not feel guilty that my kids have only consumed chicken nuggets and mac n’ cheese the past two weeks – I am awesome. I believe that starting my Christmas shopping for my kids in July is not crazy, but a necessity in order to get it all done by December – I am awesome. I vow not to get depressed and shake my head when it takes them 1.2 seconds to unwrap all the Christmas gifts I so lovingly wrapped – I am awesome. I will not allow the fact that my college degree is being put to use as a chauffeur (without any tip) – I am awesome. I promise that sounding like my mother when I discipline my kids doesn’t make me feel like I am losing my mind – I am awesome. I vow to let go of the notion that perfection can be maintained everyday - I am awesome. I will, from this day forward, enjoy the moments of perfection and celebrate the magic of life’s imperfections - I am awesome. I vow to NOT be so hard on myself each day - I am awesome! I will try when I go to bed each night to think of all the 384 things I did RIGHT as a mom today vs. the ONE thing that I did WRONG today - I am awesome. I vow to try to laugh more and be stressed less - I am awesome. Most of all, I will promise to believe in myself, for I know little eyes are watching me, and in order to teach them that they are awesome, I must first believe that

I AM AWESOME!

What’s

hot this Summer!

1. Green Juices - Everyone is hopping on the green trend & juicers can be found at most department stores.

1.

2.Colored Denim - Jeans in every color of the rainbow are everywhere this summer.

3.

3. Tangerine - Pantone’s color of the year is Tangerine Tango. Use this as a pop of color on nails or in melon hued accesories.

2.

Run Your Race! by Mary Susan Buhner

To me, I view motherhood as a journey. Like any journey, it is nice to know you have people that support you along the way. It is not a quick journey either - no sprint. Rather, a long marathon. You hear of people in marathons pacing themselves. Taking their time - finding their stride. I am sure they need and have to calculate water breaks, moments of being on a high and times of feeling like they are going to die and they just want to quit. My good friend recently ran a marathon and she said motherhood was tougher than running 26.2 miles in single timeframe. I am not a runner so I will have to take her word for it. Regardless, keeping pace, having moments of ease and then moments of agony. I can relate to that and it definitely sounds like motherhood. A journey - ups and downs, moments that make you breathless and moments that take your breath away. Nonetheless, a journey.

I was naive enough 12 years ago when I first became a mom to think that all moms on this journey would view it like me. I learned pretty fast back in Gymboree class with my infant daughter, that there are in fact, different kind of moms. Although we are all on the journey of motherhood, that does not mean we are all running the race the same way.

There are in fact, different kind of moms like there are different kind of runners. I am a slow and steady kind of mom. I truly believe if you keep your head down and do your very best that good will come from it. Because this is my philosophy, I tend to surround myself with other moms that think in a similar fashion. It is not that I am afraid of winning or losing or even afraid of confrontation. I am actually a very direct person and have no problem confronting people or holding myself or kids to a high standard. I have, however, learned to pick my battles over the years. One of the battles that I have chosen NOT to pick is with the secret competitive mom. She too, is on a journey of motherhood, but don’t kid yourself - she is in it to win it and will trip you to keep you from crossing the finish line.

The secret competitive mom. We all know one (or more) of them. She is nice to your face and seems helpful, but really she is digging for information so she can “one up” you. She is a ”know it all” about everything from the best restaurant to the best place to vacation. She will have no problems telling you that her child is the best of the best of well, everything that is the best. Sound familiar? She is always on the run, but calm cool and collected and makes you feel like a loser if you

are late to a practice or don’t socialize with the other moms before, during or after any event.

She makes us feel badly about ourselves - even guilty. It rarely is ever about you and your child.

Instead, it is typically about them, how amazing their child is and how lucky you are to be in their presence.

The secret competitive mom talks a lot and she listens very little. She wants you to trust her, but only so she can judge you and make you feel inadequate about yourself. To be honest, I don’t like secret competitive moms. Life is too short to base my self worth on a mom who wants to prove that she is: smarter, faster, prettier, more organized, thinner and her kid is: well, you guessed it, smarter, faster...you get the point.

The good news is there are ways to “handle” or manage this type of mom. When I posted that I was writing on this topic on Facebook, I had several moms respond that the number one way to deal with a secret competitive mom is to walk away. Don’t deal with them. Ignore them.

Don’t play their game.

That works sometimes, but what about the times you have to face them?

I have found that saying very little typically does not shut them up, but rather just gives them more room to enjoy the sound of their own voice. So when forced to interact, just get through it so you can move on from it. Kinda like a root canal.

A very smart mom once told me, “There is enough success for everyone. Be happy for those who succeed and encourage those who don’t.” I decided a long time ago that it was

important to me to make others feel empowered and inspired. I don’t like people who make me feel guilty, small or stupid so why would I want to make others feel that way? It is not my style.

With that, I figured out that I had to start surrounding myself with moms with similar thinking and values. Moms who ran the race of motherhood similar to me - slow and steady and focused on working toward their own personal best and not busy judging me.

Sure, sometimes it feels like the competitive mom blows by me with perfect form, the coolest running shoes without breaking a sweat. We both are going to cross the finish line and the people who love you most are proud of you no matter how or when you complete the race. The point is to run your own race.

Set your own pace and know that there is enough success for everyone - even the secret competitive mom.

Remember, life is not just about winning.

It is about how you handle winning (and losing). It is about connecting with others. Appreciating others success and knowing there is enough for everyone to be happy and be the best at what they are pursuing in life. After all, at the end of the journey, I doubt any of us will calculate the times we won or lost at anything. Instead, I hope we will focus on how we ran our own race.

“There is enough success for everyone. Be happy for those who succeed and encourage those who don’t.”

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Mom: Mindy Fleming Kids: Grace, 6; Gavin, 4; Caroline, 10 mths Bag: Black patent “comfy” bag from TJ Maxx Contents: wallet, receipts, blue sparkle nail polish, teething ring,hair bows, iPhone, random candy, chapstick, half stick of chalk

Quick Crafts with Katie!

For a fast Father’s Day gift, check out your local craft store for a DIY mug kit. Hand the special markers and mug over to the kids and let them make a masterpiece for Dad that will help brighten that morning cup of joe!

by Katie Swick

Quote of the Month “Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.”

-Marion C. Garritty

Fitness Fabulous

the night before the mammogram, my husband, Rob, told me (in great, gory detail) about a patient he was treating who had received chemotherapy for cancer treatment, and as a result had a necrotic jaw bone that they had to replace. I replied, “Worst pep talk EVER, honey.”

I have always been a pretty healthy person. I’ve never had surgery, broken a bone, or even had a cavity. So to say I was shocked when the doctor leaned over to me and softly said, “I’m so sorry, it’s cancer,” would be a minor understatement.

It was the end of October and I had been running like crazy all month. I’d had the largest photography session of my career early in the month photographing over 60 girls at a fashion show. Halloween was on the horizon and I was busy getting costumes together for my 3 kids (aged 5,3, &18 mths) and trying to stay organized. On top of it all, my husband was on a rotation requiring him to put in 80 hour weeks. Bottom line, like all moms, I was extremely busy. On Thursday, October 22, 2010 I grabbed a quick shower while the kids were watching a movie. While in the shower, I found a lump in my left breast that I hadn’t noticed before. I did a quick self exam of the rest of my left breast and

the right to make sure I wasn’t crazy, and the lump was definitely there and definitely unusual. I thought briefly about just letting it go and seeing if it went away on its own, but if living with a medical professional for 10 years had taught me anything, it is that you never just let something go! I called my doctor and spent over an hour waiting on hold to try and speak to an actual human being before giving up and just leaving a message. I finally received a return call back from a very curt triage nurse, who quickly explained no one was available to see me until the following Monday. Ughhhh.

On Monday, my doctor checked me out, acknowledged the lump, but commented that,”It didn’t feel like cancer.”

Of course, she also uttered the famous line that I’m sure almost everyone diagnosed with cancer under the age of 40 must hear, “You’re too young to have cancer.” To be safe, she scheduled me for a mammogram and a diagnostic ultrasound. While watching TV

The mammogram and ultrasound results seemed to point in one direction – cancer. The doctor put my scans up on a light board and it looked like a small bomb had been set off in my left boob. The radiologist who performed the ultrasound asked me to return later that morning for a core needle biopsy to confirm what seemed to be pretty clear (the fact that I had breast cancer) and asked that I call my husband and ask him to be there with me. The nurse walked me out of the clinic and explained where I needed to go for the biopsy, and then turned and gave me a hug. “I know we’ve changed your whole life in the span of 30 minutes, but you’re going to be fine.” I appreciated the sentiment, but I honestly couldn’t see any way that I was going to be anything close to “fine” anytime soon.

After the biopsy and confirmation that, in fact, at the tender age of 34, I had breast cancer I cannot fully express how badly I wanted to go home, crawl under the covers and stay there for 27 years. I don’t think I could ever completely explain my deep desire to find the nearest bar, park myself on

a stool and order several hundred cocktails. In fact, if I could have found a swimming pool of Chardonnay, I would have stripped down to my underwear and dove in it headfirst. I could not do any of those things. Why? Because we had tickets to take the kids to see the Imagination Movers in concert that evening. So now the Imagination Movers can add “saved newly diagnosed mom with cancer from drowning in bourbon” along with “helping kids chose healthy snacks” to their resume.

So we loaded up the van, located the venue, and found our seats. This was the most surreal evening of my life. It was almost as though I was living out two parallel universes at the same time.

Surely, a cancer diagnosis does not exist in the same plane as taking 3 small children to see a kiddie rock band. My brain was very close to imploding from trying to live in both universes, and as the band launched into “What’s In Your Fridge?” I thought that I might have a small stroke. I decided to surrender to the experience rather than trying to control or even understand the myriad of emotions that were playing out in my mind and focus on the music. When they told me to stand up, I stood up. When they told me to jump back, I jumped back. If they had instructed me to solve Fermat’s Last Theorem I would have given it a whirl. I watched my kids dancing and singing and danced and sang right along with them. I forgot about the fresh wound in my chest from the biopsy, about the fresh wound in my soul from the knowledge of the dark days to come. I have heard of people having religious experiences during Grateful Dead shows, of finding Jesus while watching Jimmy Paige play guitar. And now I can say I had my epiphany during the Imagination Movers performance of “Clean My Room”.

That night, given the choice, I chose to shake my behind (a word that sends my boys into fits of giggles) instead of swimming at the bottom of a bottle. This is not to say that I didn’t find some liquid solace at other times, most notably at my “Say Goodbye to the Girls” pre-mastectomy gathering, but I somehow knew in that early moment of this whole mess that I had to stand up and dance in the face of this terror, because if I stuck my head in the sand (or the tequila) I would not survive.

More importantly? My kids might not survive it either. During and after treatment people would say, “I don’t know how you did it.” And I say this: I did it the same way you would do it. You love your children every bit as much as I love mine. You would fight tooth and nail to be there for them, and that’s what I did.

And so, several hours after being told I had a deadly disease, surrounded by a theater full of toddlers singing “Shakeable You,” I realized that the nurse hadn’t been so far off the mark as I first thought with her words of comfort. I was going to be fine. We were all going to be fine.

Take Care of the Girls!

YOU are your own best health advocate!

If you feel a change in your body, have it checked out immediately by a medical professional (your best friend who took one nursing class in college does not count). Keep up with your yearly exams, you wouldn’t let your child miss one and neither should you. If you aren’t satisfied with answers you are receiving from your doctor, seek additional opinions (I promise your doc’s feelings wont get hurt).

poster and music can step the mood immediately! Next, move onto centerpieces and general decor. Use what you have already. If your throwing a princess party for your daughter hang her collections of princess dress-up clothes. If your son is having a Lego party decorate your tables with his Lego creations. Work in theme appropriate decorations you all ready have, hit your local Dollar Store for cheap additions and finish your decor off with a few higher end items that you HAD to have or can use again.

4. Sweets & Eats! FOOD...a party staple.

Decide in the beginning if you’re just doing sweets or offering your guests more fare. If your providing a real meal don’t forget to cater 1. Start Planning. After selecting on the basics (date, time & venue) work on selecting a theme. to your guest of honor. Serving your three year Think about what your child responds to and like old’s favorite sandwich, PB & J gets a lot more fancy if you use a crown shaped cookie cutter best. Themes can be as specific as Cinderella or as general as the color Yellow. Go with what- to cut it at a Princess Party! Think about it your food just doubled as decor!!! As for sweets think ever (within the realm of reality & your budget) out-side of the box. A sundae bar & cake pops that will give your child the most happiness. are fun twists on the classic cake & ice-cream.

2. Save the Date! The next step is to send out 5. Party On! Now it’s time to think about what invites. You can go with a paperless post like evite, create an custom invite that even includes your guests will be doing when they are not eating...they need entertainment. You can go a picture of your child on Etsy ( my favorite and with a professional entertainer like a magician or more cost effective than you think if your print clown. Or go the DIY approach and set up stathem yourself at your local drug store! ) or just tions for kids. A craft or dress-up area, a swing call all your guests. Any option works just be set to play on or predetermined game like a sure to get the word out with plenty of time for your guests to get your party on their calendars. treasure hunt are all fabulous entertainment that doesn’t require a hired entertainer. Find some thing fitting to the age group attending the party 3. Eye candy. Fabulous party decor can really & theme and run with it. set the tone for your party. Expensive decora tions all bought at your local party store are not Remember your planning your child’s birththe answer. All you need are a few well placed day party. It doesn’t have to be over the top & props and decorations to greet your guests and stressful. The main goal is to celebrate your keep them entertained along the way. One child and make it their special day! Happy Planof my favorite tricks is to create an entrance. ning & remember...Celebrate EVERYTHING! Bunches of balloons from the Dollar Store, a

Kara Tamulonis is a special events planner and co-owner of Perfect Occasions, a modern, full-service event planning company specializing in innovative & inspired celebrations. Kara enjoys yoga & spending time with family & friends, especially her two adorable daughters and husband Peter. For more information, contact Kara at perfectoccasions4u@yahoo.com.

Perfect

Occasions

Perfect Occasions is a modern, full-service event planning company specializing in innovative and inspired celebrations. Our creative team swirls together every detail of your vision with our charming concepts. Please let us help you create your Perfect Wedding Day. We love all Weddings!

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Our Specialties Candy and Dessert Buffets, Stylish and Personal Favors, Imaginative Double-duty Centerpieces, Delightful Details in every aspect of the Wedding from the Engagement Party to the Bride and Groom send-off.

www.perfectoccasions4u@yahoo.com

317-201-0714

317-847-0249

Did You Know?

Hearing loss is the most common birth defect.

Every 48 hours…

a baby in Indiana is diagnosed with a hearing loss.

Early diagnosis…

is critical for a child’s success in speech and language development.

Most children…

with hearing loss (even those who are profoundly deaf) can learn to listen and talk.

Hear Indiana is a nonprofit dedicated to empowering and supporting individuals and families with hearing loss who communicate through spoken language. We believe in early detection, intensive amplification, and ongoing intervention. Hear Indiana offers informational resources, educational programming, support for families and professionals, advocacy, and a summer camp for deaf and hard of hearing children.

PO Box 347 Zionsville, IN 46077 (317) 828-0211 info@hearindiana.org www.hearindiana.org