DR Critiques

DR CRITIQUES 13291334 Kiarna Harvey Direct Response Writing for Advertising With Cherise Hoefler Semester 142

Bond University

CRITIQUE 1 While Lorna Jane is no Apple, Volkswagen or Coco-Cola, it is a brand I still admire for their advertising, particularly online. It is quite interesting to watch their marketing develop rapidly in the direction of current trends within the marketing industry. Honestly, Lorna Jane is very good at cluttering my inbox as they send me an email roughly every second day, if not every day. However there are a number of reasons why THIS email stood out to me, and really impressed me.

I received this on a Monday, which I find quite suiting as the copy depicts motivational language (hello ‘Monday Motivation’). It inspires their customers to ‘get moving’ for the week, and to do so with their products. This email is visually appealing and the copy is limited and simple, yet just enough. It uses pathos to connect with the audience by inspiring and motivating them with the line “Keep your drive alive – be that girl who doesn’t stop until the music does”. This is allows the reader to imagine herself as “that girl”, and inspires them to keep pursing what sparks within them.

What really caught my eye about this piece was the use of video. The clip was embedded into the message; it wasn’t just a link that directed me elsewhere. I could watch the video directly from my inbox! This was the first time I have seen a video embedded into the message directly, which leads me to believe Lorna Jane is keeping up with the current technological trends. Through the use of video, this EDM manages to cut through the clutter of my inbox, as it is quite interactive; you can ‘watch’ the video, then ‘shop’ the video. No matter where you click on the email, you will be linked back to Lorna Jane’s website. For any successful direct response piece, a clear call-to-action is vital; with call-to-action buttons all over this, it is very easy for the consumer to click back to the website which is one step closer to the overall objective – the transaction.

The final thing the consumer reads is the discount banner. By placing this at the end of the message the consumer is more likely to click through and finalise the sale. The bright pink banner is eye catching, and shows consistency with the company’s branding. The sale code is quirky with ‘LOVESALE’, and relatable to the readers because really, who doesn’t love a sale?

I love the use of social media buttons as it directs the readers back to Lorna Jane’s other platforms, which is another platform for Lorna Jane to communicate to their users; so by subtly linking back to these pages they have obtained another touch point with consumers.

I find it hard to flaw this email, however as stated above, I believe Lorna Jane sends way too many emails each week; it was surprising I even opened this. While I can’t be certain on the open rate of this piece, I believe if the company was to limit their sends each week they would see an increase of opens and ‘click throughs’.

Personally I didn’t find the subject line too creative or eye catching; it was lengthy with an overuse of caps, which can hint at spam. However I do like how they used ‘Watch me’ as that is what made me intrigued to click open. While the layout is relatively impressive, I would remove the screenshots from the video as they are unnecessary and makes the appearance more cluttered. I think they are also missing a great opportunity in personalisation.

Overall I think this a great piece yet again by Lorna Jane, and it makes me excited to see that new things, such as video in my inbox, are rapidly developing in the direct response industry.

LORNA JANE

LORNA JANE

CRITIQUE 2 Burger joint, Not A Burger Stand, lures customers in through using a simple blackboard placed outside the shop. This untraditional piece of direct response is subtle advertising that has happened to go viral, and I think customers are more intrigued by their quirkiness rather than the promotion. Not A Burger Stand has created something original that steers away from online and traditional forms of direct response (direct mail, buck slips, radio etc.). The sign offers 10% off orders if you can complete the daily challenge set on the blackboard.

It is eye catching through its colourful and vibrant drawings that are relatively impressive for chalk! It is interactive, with a creative call-to-action – with each relying on the customer to order in a certain way or complete a task to receive the discount offered. By placing this at the front of the store, by-passers become intrigued by the sign, the message, and the overall ambiance of the burger stand.

However as this is copy heavy and handwritten, it can easily become hard to read, and is almost too much to read when passing by. While the colours make the sign pop it can distract the eye making it even harder to read. Personally I would have refrained from using colour in the copy, and left the drawing as the eye-popping feature. Through using white text the eye would get less distracted when reading the message, in turn making it simpler to interpret.

The blackboards don’t uphold a professional appearance, although it is very well suited to the brand it is promoting. The quirkiness of actions one must take to receive 10% off a burger is brilliant (if you know the person you’re imitating!). Each piece has a clear call-to-action, which is measurable by taking note of how many people come in to place an order successfully as challenged.

If Not A Burger Stand were to amplify this through social media or text messaging, as a reminder of today's challenge / discount, I think they would find this go even more viral.

I would love to check this place out in person to see if their manifesto plays out as successfully as their viral advertising.

Not A Burger Stand

Not A Burger Stand

IMPROVEMENT 1 I’ve been with Vision Personal Training for approximately 3 years now and when I received a “Happy Anniversary” email from them I was actually quite disappointed with what I saw. Vision is a very strong community, both in my local studio and nationally. The company tends to take a pathos approach with their marketing as their audience connects with this quite well. However this email was somewhat the opposite; as a ‘thank you’ message I didn’t feel the love, primarily because there was no personalisation. It is evident that this was a generic email sent to (probably) their whole database. Not only was it lacking personalisation, it is very visually bland, uses stock imagery of ‘perfect’ people, and there is no call-to-action. I decided to improve this by converting the email (which is likely to get lost among the clutter of my inbox) into a direct mail piece.

I kept the design true to the brand with the appropriate typography and colours. The piece is designed as a card, which clients receive in the mail, sent from their trainer – we all love personal snail mail as it so rare these days. This instantly provides the mail with meaning and sentimental value as it is coming from a particular person whom they know and have a relationship with.

The front remains simple, with the Vision red, and the line ‘Happy 3-year Anniversary’. Through adding the appropriate amount of years the client has trained with the company, the first message they receive is personal. When you open up the card there is the Vision banner with the company thank you message, and a place for an image. Here the trainer can insert a photo of them with their client, of the client achieving a goal (such as a marathon), or alternatively an inspirational quote. For example, in this piece I incorporated a picture of my first 10km race with Elza in Melbourne, which has great meaning behind it.

The message within the card is handwritten and personalised from the trainer showing effort, and genuine care behind the post. Inserted in the card is a generic Vision voucher for one FREE session. By adding this in, not only does the piece automatically have a call-to- action, but also the client will feel loved and rewarded for their hard work and commitment to the company; in turn remaining them as loyal clients.

VISION PERSONAL TRAINING Original

VISION PERSONAL TRAINING Improvement

<- FRONT OF CARD

INSIDE (TOP) OF CARD ->

<- INSIDE (BOTTOM) OF CARD

VISION VOUCHER INSERT ->

IMPROVEMENT 2 The Iconic is Australia’s best online retailer and a brand I fell in love with instantly!

When I decided to sign up for the newsletter I was shocked at what I received.

Personally, I think their Thank You letter looked a little ‘spammy’. It is copy heavy with the terms and conditions over powering the actual message. The colours are bland and don’t scream ‘THE ICONIC’; when I think of the brand I visualise black, white and a bold colour such as orange.

I believe The Iconic nailed it with the discount and had the potential of a brilliant thank you letter however there is definitely room for improvement. I like how they incorporated the shopping banner at the top with ‘WOMEN, MEN, and NEW ARRIVALS’. This links the consumer to exactly where they need to be shopping. To my improved piece I added the logo for branding, and an orange banner to make the thank you pop. I added a name for personalisation, and changed the code to ‘YOURULE2c4’ in an attempt for the consumer to feel warm and fuzzies towards the subtle compliment. ‘1c4’ is a unique code tacked on to the end for tracking purposes, and would change for each member.

There is an orange, ‘Shop NOW’ call-to-action button that takes consumers to the online store. Through adding the word ‘NOW’ creates urgency, and a timely response from the reader. Rather than writing all the Terms and Conditions in the email, I added an astrix with a link where all the terms and conditions / help can be read. This abides regulations while keeping the layout clean.

I thought it was important to leave the App and social media buttons along the bottom so consumers can continue to interact with the brand on other platforms.

THE ICONIC Before

THE ICONIC Improvement

CREATION 1 I created this EDM for my job at Cake Bake & Sweets Show. We have a fortnightly email newsletter that goes out to a database of over 11,000 people with the objectives of: brand building, CRM, show updates, guiding people back to the show website, and ultimately ticket sales.

The entire email is set out in blocks for a clean and clear layout. Placed at the top is a mouthwatering, eye-catching image of pancakes; the aim was to catch the readers’ eye with a visually appealing image when opened to want them to read on.

The middle blocks are set out with pastel colours that remain easy on the eye and aren’t cluttered with copy or images. As it is a longer email it was important to keep it copy sparse, but bold enough for the audience to click through to read more. To stick with the branding, and to stand out from other aspects of the newsletter, each block has a bright pink call-to-action button that links directly to the website. The email finishes with a bold and colorful banner (as the top), to grab the eye’s attention again. This block is advertising ticket sales so it needed to be fun and bright. It uses the Cake Bake & Sweets Show model, and abides by the Show’s branding.

The banner at the top incorporates social media buttons so the audience can continue communication and engage with the brand when they are finished reading the e-newsletter. The subject line was “Dessert for Breakfast?” which poses a quirky question that anyone (even if they don’t admit it), would love dessert for breakfast!

The line sounds inviting and delicious, so of course you would want to find out more.

Finally, the EDM ends with who the email was sent from, terms and conditions, edit your setting preferences or an unsubscribe button, in order to follow appropriate regulations.

Please excuse the quality; this is just to show the layout. Clear versions on following page.

Cake Bake & Sweets Show

Cake Bake & Sweets Show

CREATION 2

Vision Personal Training has regular seminars, which are insightful and definitely worth attending. Jeff, Vision Bundall Owner, wanted to increase the attendance of seminars therefore put an incentive in place. If you came along to the seminar and brought a friend with you, they would receive a $100 Vision Bundall Training voucher.

Originally, I designed a flyer for this piece however thought it was suiting to a buck slip. I have designed it double sided, abiding to the Vision branding. The copy on the front is to get the client thinking of the amazing support crew at Vision, and how they now have the chance to motivate and inspire exactly as the trainers have, as well as the Vision Bundall family. When you experience this kind of support, it is very hard to NOT want to pass it on!

I kept the second side simple, just with the copy, as I didn’t want it to appear too cluttered with imagery. The words ‘Free’ and ‘Training voucher’ are in bold and underlined as they are the most persuasive words on the slip, and need to stand out the most. I took the angle of ‘you’ being the giver rather than the company, as this makes it more personal.

The call-to-action of this piece is attending the seminar, followed with giving the $100 voucher. It remains without date and time information so this can be used across various events. To provide details I incorporated the Facebook symbol along with the page name, where people can view the event calendar for more information.

VISION PERSONAL TRAINING

Front

VISION PERSONAL TRAINING

Back