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Contributors Dr. Dalea Bean, is a graduate of the University of the West Indies, Mona Campus, Jamaica. She is a historian and gender specialist and is currently a Lecturer at The Institute for Gender and Development Studies (IGDS), UWI Mona.
Nicole Webster, our beauty editor, is a Calgary, Alberta based makeup artist. She took time out from her regular roataions of wedding and movie shoots to do tutorial articles on How to Build your Personal Makeup Kit, Finding Your Perfect Red and two Festive Make-up tutorials.
Garth Williams is co-host of the morning programme, the KLAS Lifestyle on KLAS Sports FM89. He is a vibrant communications specialist and broadcaster with over 10 years experience working in media and public relations. He writes this Issue’s Opinion piece, Matey by Choice.
Janelle A. Williams is a communications professional and freelance writer who has written on numerous topics for publications including Black Enterprise; Heart & Soul; Shop Smart; and Reader’s Digest. She gives an interesting feature on Herds of the Fathers.
Alrick Robinson is the Best-Selling Author of The Small Business Survival Guide: Insights into the First Two Years & Business Coach. In this issue he talks about starting your own business in Before You Start a Business.
Enola Ducasse is a freelance business writer with an degree in Marketing from the University of Technology, Jamaica. In this issue, she addresses how to reinvent your professional image - perfectly timed for this issue before the new year.
Become a KiK contributor? Submit your articles or articles ideas to editor@keepitkinky.net. Please include your resume/bio and a photo of yourself with each article submission.
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Contents Features Kala G. Cover Feature Herds of the Fathers......42 Top 12 of 2012......10 Before You Start a Business......64 Lacey Ann Bartley Woman at Work ......46 Cold Fitness......72
Hair Winter Wonderstyles.....30 Holiday Hairstyle How-Tos......26 Hair to Watch......53
Career Before You Start a Business......64 Reinventing You......67
Beauty Festive Makeup......22 How to Build a Personal Makeup Kit......18 Your Perfect Red......14
Culture Black Beauty......74 Matey by Choice......80 Listen Up......40 5
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From the Editor This second issue of KiK Magazine comes right near at peak of the holiday season. It is a time when many people are full of joy while others sink deeper into feelings of depression and loneliness. I hope that this issue will inspire you to enjoy the season more as you set new goals for the new year.
Diedre Callam
Editor, KiK Magazine
Allow me to use this opportunity to encourage you to become a you who apreciates your strength in the upcoming year. For many of us, this year has been one of many challenges and we have made it through them all. Yes, even if you are still in a challenge, you are breathing and thinking and that means you are enduring it. Take time to reflect on your year – look at the strength you have had to endure the challenges that have come your way. We are stronger than we think. That is why I want to challenge you to become a stronger and even better you in this upcoming year.
This issue speaks to the woman who is ready for fun and experimentation. It offers the tools to get a new journey underway. Whether you are considering starting a new business, reinventing your professional image, trying an edgy new makeup look of a hairstyle for the new year, this issue will cover it all.
Please take time to answer the question below. We will select answers that will be published in our next (Spring) issue.
What do you want to see more of in future issues of KiK Magazine?
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ON THE COVER This cover image was contributed by cover model, Kala G. Find her online at: www.thekgtheory or on YouTube at www.youtube.com/ thekglifestyle. Photography Photography by Timothy Paule, timothypaule@me.com / Stylist, Kendyll Myles, kendyll.myles@ gmail.com, Makeup, Kala G., www.thekgtheory.com/ Hair Kala G., www.thekgtheory.com. Style Kala G. wears a vintage red blouse and earrings from Forever 21.
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Editor’s Picks
TOP 12 Bloggers Vloggers
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of 2012
Hair
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1. TRAYCEE from K.I.S.S. Whether you are relaxed or lightly relaxed (texlaxed) Traycee provides a great forum (www.kiss.biz), blog (keepitsimplesista.blogspot.com) or her popular youtube page (youtube.com/ KISSseventyseven).
3. Megan Makes long relaxed hair care and superstar beauty look like the easiest thing to achieve on YouTube. Become one of her over 115,000 subscribers at youtube.com/ulovemegz.
2. CHESCALOCS by Chescaleigh The queen of the Youtube loc community youtube.com/chescalocs went viral this year. Her @chescalocs page is only one of her YouTube paes. Check her out at franchesca.net.
4. CharyJay This YouTuber is a writer and videographer whose many natural hair tutorials and product reviews make her channel a great resource for anynaturalista at
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Health & Fitness
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3 1. Ahley Hicks and Toni Carey Certified trainer, Kimberly Linton is author of the blog, Living the Fit Life. Her blog focuses on lifestyle changes tiwards a healthy and fit life.
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2. Kimberly Linton Creaated in 2009, Black Girls RUN encourages African-American women to make fitness and healthy living a priority.
4 3. Carla Douglin Weather you are juicing for weight loss or health, Carla takes you on a real journey on Raw Raw Life through her vlogs and her blog. 4. Sanura Weathers If you need healthy, balanced and easy to make meal options, My Life Runs on Food by Snura Weathers is the perfect blog for you.
Fashion & Beauty
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1. Claire Sulmers The Fashion Bomb is the ideal destination for any black fashionista insterested in a multicultural view of black beauty and celebrity style.
3. Gabi Gregg
2. Coloured Beautiful Between videos on her edgy hairstyles and gorgeous makeup, this YouTuber has been serving up fabulous makeup with subsctantial sides of style.
4. LilPumpkinPie05 This Nigerian beauty is also a freelance amkeup artist. who shares herskills through her popular makeup tutorials on YouTube. Check her out at youtube.com/ lilpumpinpie05.
This fashion, health and beauty-loving curvy girl gabs on everything from nail polish the green juice. Check her out.
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Beauty
Your
Perfect
Red
How to find the right red lipstick for your skin tone. by Nicole Webster
Red! Red! Red! With all the different shades and finishes of red lipstick, how do you know which one to choose? A lot of people make the mistake of matching their red lipstick to their hair color, when it is actually your skin tone that will determine which red lipstick looks the best on you. If you are a woman of color with medium to dark skin or you have a yellow/ warm undertone and if you are a woman of color with medium to dark skin or you have a yellow/warm undertone, then lipsticks
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Because of your darker skin tone there is less of a contrast making it easier to pull off brighter colors. If you have fair skin, then most likely you have cool, rosy undertones, making blue-reds perfect for you. However that does not mean you cannot wear orange-reds, it just means that it is going to pop more against your skin tone. The same with blue-reds against darker skin tones, it doesn’t pop as much but still looks great. Another thing to consider when wearing red, is the look you are trying to pull off. The blush or eye makeup that you pair with your red lips can either compliment or throw the whole look off. Rule of thumb, if you are wearing red lipstick then you definitely want to define your eyes with a dark eye liner, such as black, dark brown, or navy blue. Add a couple coats of mascara to really darken the lashes and add intensity. If wearing eye shadow keep it minimal and neutral, you don`t want your eyes competing with your lips, you only want them to compliment the whole look. The same goes for your blush, keep it soft and neutral, you just want enough to give you a light flush and nothing more. If you love the idea of wearing red but you are not ready to take on full coverage cream or matte finish lipsticks, then try going sheer! Sheer lipsticks are easy to work with and will give you a nice hint of red hue without the boldness of a regular red lipstick.
Nicole’s
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Quick Tips! Instead of applying your lipstick straight from the tube, use a good quality lip brush like the M.A.C 316 lip brush. Not only will using a brush give you more control over application, it will also give you a flawless more precise finish.
Want your lipstick to last longer? After applying your favorite red lipstick, blot with a tissue, press some translucent powder onto your lips using a puff or sponge and then reapply a second layer of lipstick.
3 To keep your lipstick from bleeding, (running outside of your natural lip line) use a lip liner pencil prior to application. Gently line your lips then feather in the pencil with light strokes moving towards the center of the lip. This will also help your color to last longer.
Image Credits: Shutterstock, Blogger: closetconfections.com, Blogger: junglebarbie.blogspot.com
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These are popular reds for black women from some of the top brands. Make Up For Ever
MAC
NYX
Chili
Black Label Cherry
MAC
NYX
MAC
Russian Red
Snow White
Viva Glam
Make Up For Ever,
MAC,
NYX
Ruby Woo
Black Label Tribute to Marilyn
Rouge Artist Intense 42
Moulin Rouge
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MAC,
Stila,
MAC,
Lady Danger
Long Wear Lover
Dubonette
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How to Build a
Personal Makeup Kit By Nicole A Webster
I’ve been in the makeup industry as a makeup-artist for four years now and it is never a dull moment. I get to work with all sorts of people, from brides to models, actors to corporate professionals, etc., and the one thing they all have in common is this common questions question, “Where do I start and what do I need, when it comes to building a personal makeup kit?”
TOOLS
Here are he essentials – the basics you need to create your personal makeup kit.
TOOLS Let’s talk about tools. The right tools can help you achieve any look you want and make it look effortless. These are the top tools you need 1. Your hands. God knew what he was doing when he gave them to you. Your hands are so multifunctional and can do so many things. Your hands are the
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perfect tool for applying your cream/ liquid foundations and concealers, the warmth from your fingers, really helps to work the product into your skin, making it blend in seamlessly and giving you a natural look. 2. Some of the basic makeup brushes you will need are a large fluffy powder brush, this is used to apply loose or pressed powder. The larger the brush, the lighter the application. A blush brush, which is the smaller version of a large powder brush, one large eyeshadow brush, a small eyeshadow brush and a crease/ contour eyeshadow brush and that’s it! All you need are your fingers and five basic brushes to get you started.
Let’s talk about makeup. I know it can be overwhelming with all the products on the market and different brands so how do you know what is best for you? Here are some things to consider when starting your makeup collection and before buying any products. The first thing you need to think about is your lifestyle, and what you really need. A lot of women go into the cosmetic stores and are mezmerized by all the pretty colors, you end up buying that hot pink eyeshadow only to realize once you got home that you won’t use that color very often or at least definitely not on a daily basis. Now you are just left with a pretty eyeshadow sitting on your vanity for
MAKEUP
MAKEUP
show. Start off with a neutral eyeshadow palette, (your golds, your browns, taupes, blacks) and then you can work color into your collection once you get the hang of things and know what you want when it comes to makeup. Mascara A simple black mascara and a brown or black pencil eyeliner. The reason I say pencil over gel or liquid liners, is because pencils are easier to work with and doesn’t require a brush or steady hand to apply it. Pencils can look softer and easily be smudged out for a more smokey effect. Lastly for the eye area, your brows, keep them clean and groomed with a clear brow gel, to keep the hairs in place. Foundation Moving on to the face. Choosing the right foundation can be time consuming and the right one only comes with trial and error. You want to determine your skin
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Your Kit May Include: type and choose a foundation that works with it for example if you have dry skin, you want to choose a foundation that is hydrating, which means it will contain oils. Another thing to consider with foundation is your skin tone and skin undertone, are you cool or are you warm, etc all of these play a part when choosing a foundation and even a concealer when starting out in makeup. Seek help from cosmetic counter representative, they have the knowledge and training to help customers in choosing products catered to their needs. With that said you need to choose a powder to set your foundation for long wear and staying power. I recommend starting off with a translucent powder, a translucent powder is universal, which means can work on any skin tone. It comes in an white form but disappears into the skin when dusted on with your large powder brush. Blush One of my favourite products is blush, it adds warmth and life to the face. The most flattering shades of blush for women of color are oranges, corals, plums, and golds. You can get blushers that are matte or that have a little shimmer in them, this will add a glow and highlight to the cheeks. Lips Lastly lips! have fun with it! choose a couple colors of lipstick and gloss to change it up during the week. Use a lip pencil to add definition to the lips. There you have it, the basics you need to start your makeup collection! Remember it’s just makeup that can wash away, so just have fun with it!
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Festive Make-up This look if for the bold woman who wants to make a sexy, stunning statement this holiday season. Read the tutorial and observe the pictures or just watch the tutorial online. The look is easy and attainable and we have outlined everything you need to achieve this eye makeup look below.
Read the Tutorial 1. Start off by applying an eye shadow primer to the lid. this will prevent your eye shadow from creasing. If you do not have an eye shadow primer, apply concealer to the lid, blend it out and then set with a powder. 2. Use a redish brown eyeshadow in your crease and blend it out. This will act as a transition color. 3. Using a black kohl eye pencil fill in the entire lid and wing it out. (N.W.M Kohl pencil in Onyx) 4. Using a pencil brush, gently blend out any harsh edges. 5. Apply a shimmery gold eye shadow to the lid, concentrating most of the pigment in the center of the lid and blend out into the wing. ( Coastal Scents Hot Pot S36) 6. Apply a matte black shadow to the
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deep crease. (Coastal Scents M23) 7. Using a fluffy dome brush blend the black shadow out into your transition color. 8. Using a black liquid liner. Line your upper lash line. (Maybelline Precise liner) 9. Line your water line with a black kohl pencil. (N.W.M Kohl pencil in Onyx) 10. Use a small precision brush apply a matte black shadow to your lower lash line. (Coastal Scents M23) 11. Optional - Apply Ardell false lashes in #301 12. Apply gold glitter to the center of your lid. Feel free to use loose glitter crystals or like I did a gold glitter eye liner. (Quo gold glitter liner) 13. Lastly apply Mascara to upper
Watch the Tutorial
See the Steps
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Festive Make-up This look if for the bold woman who wants to make a seriously stunning statement with lots of colour. Read the tutorial and observe the pictures or just watch the tutorial online. The look can be done with blues as shown below,, or with reds, greens, or even oranges. Be creative and make it your own.
Read the Tutorial 1. Apply an Eyeshadow Primer to the entire lid, this will prevent your eyeshadow from creasing. 2. From the Wet & WIld palette Blue Had Me At Hello, apply the second color on the right to the crease. This color will act as the transition color.
8. Use the Maybelline Master Precise Liquid Liner to liner your upper lash line.
3. Apply the teal shade second down on the right of the palette, to the lid area.
9. Use a blue kohl eye pencil (raphsody - N.W Makeup coming soon) and line your waterline with it.
4. Using a clean fluffy crease brush, blend out any harsh lines.
10. Using the medium shade blue in the Wet & Wild Palette, apply it to the lower lash line from inner to outer corner.
5. From the same palette, use the deepest blue shade and apply it to the outer corner of the eye and two thirds into the crease. 6. Use the very first color in the palette, apply it to the inner corner of the eye and blend into the lid color.
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7. Use a matte flesh tone eyeshadow or your powder foundation as a high light under your brow and blend down into the transition color.
11. Optional - Apply Ardell lashes in Romantic. 12. Apply Mascara and blend your natural lashes into your false lashes.
Watch the Tutorial
See the Steps
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Hair
Design Essentials® Multi-Roll Updo 1. When creating the perfect, chic natural updo, Design Essentials® Master Stylist Deshonica Kerrie prepped the model’s hair by first blow-drying it 80% straight. By blow-drying the hair first, it is easier to achieve smooth flat twists which help to anchor the updo from the sides. 2. After twisting the side of the hair, Deshonica parts the remaining hair into multiple sections and begins to roll and tuck the hair, securing each roll with pins. To ensure a smooth look while keeping the hair moisturized, Deshonica applied Design Essentials® Natural Daily Moisturizing Lotion and Nutriment Rx Crème Hairdress to each rolled section. 3. This revolutionized French Roll which includes several multi-rolls was created by Design Essentials® Master Stylist Deshonica Kerrie using Design Essentials® Natural Curl Cleanser Sulfate Free Shampoo, Natural Moisturizing Conditioner, Natural Daily Moisturizing Lotion and Nutriment Rx Crème Hairdress. This style presents a great alternative for cool, summer hair; formal
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Design Essentials® Spiral Updo 1. For a great way to achieve styles that last up to 2-4 weeks, even through workouts, Design Essentials® Master Stylist Deshonica Kerrie offers up the Spiral Updo. This style is achieved first by using Design Essentials® Natural Twist and Set Setting Lotion. After applying the product, Deshonica took small sections of the hair and hooked it to small and medium sized setting rods, making sure to start at the base of the hair while wrapping the hair downward, around the rod, toward the end. The hair was then secured to the rod with a hair clamp. 2. After removing the rods upon drying the hair, Design Essentials® Master Stylist Deshonica Kerrie separates the coils using Design Essentials® Natural Daily Moisturizing Lotion to achieve frizz-free,individual ringlets. 3. Voila! Upon separating the coils, this natural girl is ready to hit the town! For long lasting wear, apply a small amount of Design Essentials® Natural Daily Moisturizing Lotion to revitalize curls and reduce frizz as the curls begin to expand with wear.
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Design Essentials® Old & New Updo 1. For a night out, Design Essentials® suggests creating a trendy look by combining a little bit of the old and new for a funky up-do. This style is first achieved by crafting a flat twisted design around the sides and back of the hair. 2. After completing the flat twists, Design Essentials® Master Stylist Deshonica Kerrie rolled and tucked sections of the hair by applying dime-sized amounts of Design Essentials® Natural Daily Moisturizing Lotion and Nutriment Rx Crème Hairdress. Afterward, each roll was secured with hair pins. 3. Design Essentials® finishes this old and new retro style by locking in shine with a light mist of Design Essentials® Diamonds Oil Sheen, smoothed over each roll with the fingertips.
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r e t Win s e l y t s r e d n Wo Holiday ready styles that can take you throughout the year
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Style by Arlette Pender Hairloks by ARLETTE Natural Hair Care Salon.
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32 by Arlette Pender Hairloks by ARLETTE Natural Hair Care Salon. Style
Style by Arlette Pender Hairloks by ARLETTE Natural Hair Care Salon.
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Photos from www.economyofstyle.net
34 Hairstyle by Beautiful Earth Salon
Hairstyle by Beautiful Earth Salon
Hairstyle by Beautiful Earth Salon
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Photos from www.economyofstyle.net
36 Hairstyle Stylist: Zarah by Beautiful Charm, Earth Model: Salon Deairra Evans
Arlette Pender Hairloks by ARLETTE Natural Hair Care Salon. Photo: Theresa Harper
Stylist: Zarah Charm,
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38 Hairstyle Stylist: Zarah by Beautiful Charm, Earth Model: Salon Deairra Evans
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iTunes announced Lianne La Havas’s album, ‘Is Your Love Big Enough’ as their album of 2012. The 23 year old London, England was born to a greek father and Jamaican mother. She began singing at seven and wrote her firsrt song at eleven.
Lianne La Havas
After several singles, she released her first album ‘Is Your Love Big Enough’ in July of 2012. No doubt influenced by her parents’ diverse tastes in music, her folk/soul sound crosses over many genres, She’s been slowly climbing the charts in a number of countries but her unique is still not wellknown by many. Clisk on the image to your left to open her video to hear this talented beauty sing.
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Listen Up If you’re not listening to these musicians, you could be missing out. Listen up provides new music from rising musical stars that should not go unnoticed.
French Nigerian singer-songwriter, Asa, has already won awards for her fun and soulful music. She’s pretty popular but if she isn’t on your radar, You need to get crack-alacking. Her music is fresh, new and good.
ASA (Asha)
“Hip Hop duo, Brown Audio spreads love to natural women everywhere...but from a man’s point of view.”
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Features
by Janelle A. Williams
W
hen Jason Akoi and Tobi Babajide met in college, they had both reached a point of stagnancy.
“I was tired of going through the same routine every day,” says Akoi. “The majority of my life consisted of class, eating, and sleeping. I felt like a robot.” This sentiment might sound like the typical sob story of a college student. But in this new age where progressiveness manifests in the form of entrepreneurship and slogans like YOLO (You Only Live Once) dominate mainstream music and social media, typical might be as bad as it gets. But it’s the last word anyone who meets Akoi and Babajide would use to describe these masters of accessorizing. When Tobi approached Jason in the winter of 2008 with his idea to start an accessories company, the two never looked back. By March 2009, Herds of the Fathers was born. “We wanted something that would strike immediate conversation,” says Akoi of the company name. “Every day we live in a group. This group could be your community, workplace, or school. That is where the ‘herds’ part of the name comes from. Out of these groups there are certain people who help give birth to everyone else’s style. This is where the ‘fathers’ part of the name comes from. Our store is where these ‘fathers’ meet creating new ‘herds’.” 43
Although the description might sound lofty, it makes perfect sense in a world where technology has globalized and revolutionized fashion. With the global and unisex energy of their line of handcrafted leather goods, Akoi and Babajide are the perfect example of what happens when continents and styles collide—utterly beautiful designs with a universal appeal. And their universal appeal is more than just a goal. It’s a reality. Their company is based in New Jersey, their products are made by the finest of craftsmen in India and their first international purchase was made from Sweden. That might be as global as it gets for a young male African American design duo.
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“We got into the business out of necessity,” says Akoi. “We were looking for leather bags in styles we liked and in our price range, but couldn’t really find any; so we decided to make them ourselves. We weren’t sure how we were going to go about it, but that wasn’t going to stop us.” The fact that the two are still in business three years later and working on their next collection is proof that a learning curve did not stop them. Luckily for them, it has paid off. Although they started as a men’s company, women make up a good percentage of their supporters, which has helped broaden their customer base significantly.
“It’s easier to promote to men because we know what we like, but unisex styles dominate our products and that’s not by accident. We never want to forget about the ladies. It’s a challenge to create things that are appealing to both genders, but it’s a challenge we enjoy.” Each bag is lined with a blue-based paisley print, which to some may seem feminine. But to the founders, it’s just one of those patterns you can never go wrong with. “The idea was to pick something you wouldn’t see in every bag. It adds to the story and appeal of every product,” says Babajide. Creating a story is something they like to do with every collection. They successfully achieve this by supplementing product launches with videos and photos that add to the cohesive feeling. “There will be people who only care about the surface of whatever you’re doing. We also want to appeal to those people who dig deeper and want some substance when it comes to a brand.” With the promotion of their 2010 “The Old Raritan Collection”, Akoi and Babajide gave their
customers a peak into their personal journey. The collection itself is named after The Raritan River, which is where the two first met in college, and two of the products are named after Paul Robeson and Bayard Rustin, two historical African Americans. The duo also attributes much of their design sense to their African heritage, as they both have roots in Nigeria. “Our African heritage plays a major part in what we do,” says Akoi. “It’s embedded within us both. We have a sense of pride with anything we put out and we know that we are representing something bigger than ourselves. When it comes to style, our family members can make do with whatever little resources they have. We applied the same mentality to this company when we started. No matter the obstacles, we were going to get it done.” 45
Woman at Work
Lacey Ann Bartley Lacey Ann Bartley is the Managing Director of Bartley’s. Registered in 2011, Bartley’s designs, manufactures and sells quality 100% Jamaican handcrafted wooden furniture, jewellery and household items. All of the company’s products are made from real Jamaican wood and include the artwork of gifted Jamaican artists. KiK was happy to interview the new Managing Director to find out what it has been like taking over the family business.
Lacey walked in bubbly and vibrant despite running on very little sleep. She expressed her lack of energy with a smile. Clearly living on the fuel of excitement and contentment, she had a lot to say about her family, work, business and how she balances it all.
KiK Lacey, you run the family business so I must ask you to tell us about your family. LAB Well, my family is one that I would describe as one of arts and hearts. My Mom is a decorator, baker and seamstress. She can make anything and is true artist. My father is a carpenter who makes the best furniture I know. His finish is unique and of exception quality. My brother is the musician and designer. He plays the drums and guitar and he is only 18.
The heart comes from the fact that we are very close and philanthropic. Giving back was a big part of growing up. My parents were always giving. Whether it was my hand me downs, food they grew or a ride to stranger on the road, my family has a strong value on giving and as you would expect this is inco-operated into our businesses. As a child I remember referring to my Mom’s pastry business as the Salvation Army.
KiK Hahah. I guess you’re all a gift that keeps giving. Tell us about the business. LAB Bartley’s designs, manufactures and sells quality 100% Jamaican handmade wooden furniture, jewellery and household items. It takes into play all members of the immediate family and some members of the extended family.
A cuting board from Bartley’s Carlene Collection
KiK Sounds great. Have you a l w a y s wanted to head the family business?
LAB It has been my dream to take over my family business for as long as I can remember. I spend most of my childhood with my father in the business and developed a fierce love for it. I saw many things that I could improve on. Dad also made sure that I knew the business from the inside out. This is ironic as he stated that he didn’t want any of his children to take up the family business but to become professionals. Father is an excellent Dad and Husband who does the best he can for his family in a harsh economic environment. I am impassioned by his quest to provide for and empower his family. So, I want to use the skill and knowledge I have acquired through formal education to carry on his legacy.
KiK Good. But it couldn’t have been easy taking the responsibilities from him as a woman dealing with a furniture business. Have you had any challenges being a young woman leading the company? LAB Yes, I do. People tend to, at times, underestimated my skills, knowledge and abilities. To combat this, I use self-affirmation. I am confident in my abilities. With my Team, they are used to me as Powsie not Lacey the MD, thus I have to share with them my vision by a pull
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factor vs a push factor. I ensure that they see my vision also. I explain to them in clear terms what I am doing and how it will benefit us and ensure that the goals set represent the goals of the team and not just my dream for the business. Vision sharing I call it.
KiK Sounds like you should have a really motivated staff. But, what advice do you have for working with family?
Bartley’s Furniture
LAB Hahaha. Working with family, like everything else, has its pros and cons. The Pros include knowing exactly who you are dealing with regarding their strengths and weakness. Plus, we are already a team.
KiK Heheh. Sounds like a good deal overall. So, what does a typical day look like for you? LAB My day (Lacey laughs), tends to involve waking up making breakfast, calling the factory to ensure all is set for production, off to my part time job. I follow up with customers and sometime do events and speaking engagements. Back at home, I’m packaging finished goods, procurement and social media. Earrings from the Lacey Ann Collection
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KiK Back at home eh? So, how do you balance personal life while holding down a day job as well as a running a business? LAB Well family time does not suffer, my friends support me in my business, thus, I still speak with them a lot. As for the aspect of love life... nada. I do try to catch a lap or 2 at the pool sometimes. My weekends are filled with expos, deliveries or working in the factory.
KiK Finally, what advice do you have for women who want to start their own business?
Bartley’d Furniture
LAB Be a WOMAN. Be strong. Be courageous and don’t give up. Believe in yourself and your abilties. Forget the ‘I am a Woman’ complex. For Christ’s sake, we carry babies. The world is ours for the taking. “He who rocks the cradle rules the world.” Ladies, create your own reality.
KiK Thanks for chatting with me Lacey. You’re a great inspiration and I am sure that Bartley’s will continue to grow. a Pieces from the Carlon Collection
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HAIR TO WATCH
These ladies make natural har look good. Keep up with them online to follow their natural journeys by clicking on their images.
Brittany
Nassau Bahamas, Studying in Minnesota, USA Interesting Hair Comment
Cassandre Beccai Washington, USA via New York, USA
Interesting Hair Comment This isn’t a crazy comment but I love it when the least likely of people compliment me on my hair. In June I was traveling on a train to NYC and an older caucasian gentlemen with bad teeth and tall stature probably around 70 years old told me how very much he loved my hair! It was great because he def wasn’t from where I’m from- and I know we’re both on totally different sides of the culture spectrum but I love that he could appreciate the beauty of my natural hair. Why She Loves Her Hair
It’s versatility! For a creative person like me, that is the best part!
The craziest thing anyone has ever said (comment) to you about your natural hair: To be honest, I never really get crazy comments about my hair. The only thing I’ve gotten more than once was “Girl, I could never do that!” or “Girl, you are so brave! I don’t have that type of hair so I can’t go natural” Why She Loves Her Hair
What I love most about my hair is that it’s mine. It’s my own kind of beautiful because even though someone else’s hair may look like mine, I really believe that everyone’s natural hair is different. She’s moody, she’s irritable, and when I don’t treat her right, she revolts. lol. I love her though because at the end of the day she’s all mine. 53
Kasheera LaTash Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
Danielle Henry Brooklyn, New York, USA
Interesting Hair Comment
The craziest thing anyone has ever said (comment) to you about your natural hair. “ So you just where your hair nappy like that all the time?.
Why She Loves Her Hair
I love that my hair is versitile.
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Interesting Hair Comment I once had a white woman ask me if my hair was all “one piece”. She then reached out to touch my hair so I backed away and said “This is all my hair, there are no pieces”. She responded by just standing there clearly confused. LOL. Why She Loves Her Hair
I love how versatile my hair is. I can style it in so many ways and I usually leave people at my job baffled. The question I get the most is “How do you get your hair to look so different all the time? Even when I think I’m having a bad hair day, I still get so many compliments which is pretty nice.
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Cover Feature
Kala G.
Living Fearlessly and Loving Life
From San Diego, California to Accra, Ghana, this young lady has been living her life fearlessly. From network engineering, being an international activist,teacher, blogger, vlogger, writer and natural enthusiast she hasn’t stopped going. Though Kala has packed up her life on occasion, she’s never started over. She’s always on the move. Find out how Kala feels about life, love and living and learn what’s next for her. 57
Kala G. started the more active part of her life journey while in line to become an HR manager when she gave her 2-week notice and moved to Sudan to teach English. The 28 year old has been living life fearlessly every since and we were happy to talk to her about it all. Click on the link below to check out her interview with KiK Edittor, as Kala she spoke candidly on her dreams – realised and yet achieved.
Just wanna get the summary? You’ll be missing out but it’s OK. We’ve got you covered. Keep reading for highlights of the interview and to see various pictures of Kala G.
Kala on TRAVELLING: I definitely was fearless and everyboyd, I mean everybody called me crazy... I’ve never taught a class before. Now I’m gonna go across the world and teach English to kids that don’t, you know, their first language is Arabic? I just said, this is not what I’m supposed to be doing so...
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Kala was a pop favourite in one the America’s N Natural Model Competitions
Kala G.
pular of Next
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I think our time here is extremely imporant here on earth and to waste it behind a desk knowing everyday knowing that that’s not what you’re supposed to do, You can’t do it. I really, really though about it and prayed about it... I had to go. I really trieed to stay in the moment because I knew that if I focused too much on the future that I would basically be robbing myself of the experience while I was there.
Kala on LOVE: You know what, It’s (singless) definitely a choice right now. I’m very structured in my life so I try to plan things out as much as possible. I’m extremely spiritual though so I do understand that God’s plan could be completely different ... So, right now... right now I’m gonna probably go with the flow. That’s probably the motto of my life though – go with the flow.
Kala’s Mini Travel Diary
Watch Kala’s video on why she is single.
Kala has travelled to a number of countries has
and blogged
about them all on her website at kgtheory.com. Check
out
her
site for links to an extended 60
diary.
travel
Burj Khalifa, Dubai, United Arab Emirates
Kala at Private Primary Schoo Accra, Ghana
ol,
Kala on BALANCE: I’m very goal oriented, so I have my goals and I guess my structure is planning out how I’m going to attain those but I do understand that I am not the writer of my story. I do believe in destiny. I know that God has a specific purpose for me and if I fight against it with too many plans and too much structure, then I’m just robbing myself of the experience that God wants for me. And then, on the other hand, if I’m just out there doing whatever without any structure, or any work behind the plan or at least the opportunities
Jebel Barkal, Northern Sudan
that may open up for me, if I don’t grasp those, and take some action to experience them, then I’m not going to get anywhere. My family grounds me. My friends ground me. I’m really particular about the people I suuround myself with. They have to be positive . They have to be truthful and I try to be that to them as well. Because without that kind of day to day influence, you can really be like a feather in the wind. I really lean on my family and friends and my realtionship with Jesus Christ to remember who I am and why I’m here.
Across the Eiffel Tower, Paris, France 61
Kala lets reaching travel goals look easy, great and fun in this picture taken in Paris. 62
Kala on THE FUTURE I have always had a goal of owning a non-profit. I’m not sure exactly what that’s for but giving is the greatest feeling in the world to me. To see some get something they need or earn something that they need. (I) just want to be able to provide that inspiration for someone. It will probably have and international aspect to it and something to do with children.
More of Kala’s Mini Travel Diary
Right now I’m really, really busy with so many things. I vlog everyday for most of the major things that happen in every day. I vlog to help people... and to
Pyramids of Giza, Cairo, Egypt
inspire them. The KG Lifestyle is the channel for my vlogging. I also just recently became a writer for NaturallyCurly.com. I’m also making videos for them. I have fashion and hair stuff on my YouTube channel though. (Kala also has a regular 9-5 job). BlackHairPower.com... is a site for empowerment. It reflects my thoughts about empowering women based on how they feel about their hair. Check out more of Kala G. at blackhairpower.com and kgtheory.com or Listen
to the interview.
Sodere, Ethiopia 63
Career
Before You Start a Business Are you ready to start your own business? By Alrick Robinson
If you are like many 9-5 women, you have probably dreamt of being an independent entrepreneur who has total control over her time and money. You know all the things we anticipate that entrepreneurship could offer. You may even be ready to start your side business. However, is your dream business really going to work for you? If you do not inherit a business, you will have challenges building one. So, are you prepared to take on the challenge of starting a business? Consider the following pointers and questions. Consider whether you really want to work for yourself. Do you enjoy being the boss? Or, do you feel more comfortable reporting to someone else? Remember, if you are not comfortable making the final decisions and being responsible for the success of the business on your shoulders, entrepreneurship may not be for you.
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Image Credit – Š bevangoldswain - Fotolia.com
1. What are your plans for the business? Do you want to sell it af-
ter a certain number of years, or do you want to work in the office only twice per week after five years? Do you want travel and enjoyment and therefore aim to get a good manager to take care of the business in your absence?
2. Determine your risk-taking threshold. You must be willing to be patient and give the business enough time to get established and grow.
3. Consider how much time and effort go into running a small
business. Many entrepreneurs have to work harder for themselves than they ever had to work for a former employer.
4. Find a business that suits you. Assess your skills, interests, and personal values and seek a business that is in line with these attributes.
5. Decide whether you want to start a business or buy an existing one. Launching a business may involve fewer start-up costs and
can proceed more slowly, but the business will take time to get established. An existing business usually requires more money up front, but there might be a useful platform in place, from which one might grow quickly. A friend of mine bought the brand and light manufacturing equipment of an established confectionary company. The brand was known and respected, and the final product price was small enough that customers gladly bought the product with pocket change. This was a very good combination, which led to rapid success. My friend, who always thought business was hard and required so much effort, was shocked by her quick progress. So, think about your situation and align your values, skills, passion and opportunities for success.
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Re-inventing You
A Map for Creating a New Image by Enola Ducasse
Have you ever wondered why someone who has met a new partner suddenly takes interest in appearing attractive, or why individuals are usually well dressed for a job interview? That’s because first or early impressions formed usually lingers for a very long time. Also, most of us want to be better in every way. We want to be smarter, prettier, more successful and more of everything good. What about you? Do you want to create that new and improved you? You only have one life. Become the person you’ve always wanted to be. Star t now and let me show you how.
Purpose Creating a new image allows others to see you differently. As with any other change you’ll make, whether it’s in your career, family or social life, there has to be a defined purpose or motivating factor. For many, reinvention may spur from a variety of reasons like a new Job, the aspiration to land a new job, the new significant other, a desire to look older, etc. When you plan to bring about a change its quite natural that there is
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a goal in mind. Your motivating factor could be that you’re just not getting the promotions you anticipated at work. Whatever the considerations are, your image may very well be the underlining factor to consider. Reinventing your image extends beyond the physical. It should begin with a change in your thought processes and should encompass everything, from how you feel on the inside and what you portray on the outside to how you express yourself and how others view you. This reinventing process should have an impact on how you feel about yourself and life in general. For the most part successful people, look, dress, think and speak success. If it is your intention to create that phenomenal individual, that new you, it first begins by a renewed thought. You have to think, feel, visualise , crave and most importantly be the new you. Here is How: • Try to make the best use of your current situations, even if it means gracefully accepting undesirable circumstances. Create a positive attitude and use it as a motivating factor to change that circumstance.
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• Set your short-term goal. What is your next move? Whether it is completing a university degree, changing your career or getting a promotion, write it down. • Identify the image you want to create; aligning it specifically to your short term goals. • Now that you’ve decided on the purpose of reinventing your image and what you want that image to be, identify your strengths. You will need to know them and how to use them in the future for your success. • Identify the resources required and available to achieve your goal. Try to get rid of most/all the things associated with your old image that don’t fit with the new image in mind and acquire the things that will. • Visualise it. Envision yourself being the best you want to be and create that new image. Then, never stop reinventing yourself. Continue to set new goals, seek new opportunities and motivation. • Having trouble figuring out what your image should be? Use someone you admire
as an example and then customize their image to your personal style. Image is extremely important, take into considerations you are a junior member of staff who is seeking or longing to be promoted; it is almost 99% guaranteed that you won’t achieve that promotion by dressing, speaking, behaving or thinking like the junior staff you are. The image you portray and the impressions you create are extremely crucial. If you want the job you definitely have to look the part and if you are working to be promoted you need to look promotable. Money While reinventing may sound like an expensive venture it can be quite economical. Select basic wardrobe pieces that can be mixed and matched (you may search online for tips on selecting a basic wardrobe essentials based on your specific style). It’s important to note that even with reinventing and creating the best
image, your body language and manners can certainly detracts from what that package looks like. Here are some additional tips to help you create that balance: • Try to be knowledgeable especially about current events. • Maintain proper hygiene at all times. • Ensure that you practice effective communication, i.e. the correct grammar, be audible and think about your content before you speak. • Identify your weaker areas and improve on them. This may include enrolling in short courses, extensive reading, involvement in a mentoring program or simply asking appropriate questions. • Practice good cellular phone etiquette. • Maintain eye contact, give firm and brief handshakes, smile and have a pleasant personality. • Try to be approachable at all times. With an improved image meeting new people will become inevitable, while your image and conduct are on
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par, ensure your business cards are also. You want to aim for a clean, uncluttered design, this shows that you care about appearance and immediately sends out a professional vibe. Should in case you don’t utilize business cards, use the opportunity to create a contact card using Microsoft outlook, this may be transferred electronically via an email address to someone you meet in a matter of seconds. Your card must clearly show your professional contact details, that’s the priority.
After you’ve created this new you, it is important to surround yourself with positive thoughts and positive people, you will be amazed to know how the right environment can impact your life. Always be open for new opportunities and they will come right at you. Remember once we are alive we are never finished, continue to reinvent YOU.
COMING SOON: Tips on Maintaining Healthy Business Relationships and The Art of Networking.
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COLD
FITNESS
Stay Fit This Holiday
The cold weather doesn’t have to keep you from your fitness goals. Here four easy steps to maintaining your fitness routine that is great for any season.
Walk the Mall
If you’re not a shopoholic, this is a great one for those who loved to walk outdoors. Once reserved for old folk, walking the mall early in the morning or near closing when the area has less foot traffic is the perfect for getting in your walking and stair climbing.
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Join a Gym
Gyms are warm and the winter is cold. Need more of a reason? Gyms are a great place to meet new people who can keep you motivated to achieve your fitness goals. Get a trainer or join a class. Make use of the indoor swimming pool at your neighbourhood recreational center. Still lacking motivation, ask a friend to come along and remember that you paid for the membership so you need to make the most of it. Are gyms not for you?
Build a Home Use a DVD Gym Do some research on basic home gyms. You can start with anything from 10 pound weights and jump ropes to treadmills and stationary bikes. Choose the right things for your budget and develop a routine.
You can purchase exercise DVDs in stores or find great 100% free workouts online. The amount of space you have at home doesn’t matter. You can find a workout that is suitable for small or large spaces.
Utilize the furniture at home is you are really strapped for cash. Use soup cans for weight training and stairs for stair climbing. Don’t forget to dress in the correct shoes and clothing for your exercise. You don’t want to injure yourself.
DVDs also offer a lot of versatility. You can do anything from dancing to weight training and push yourself to any desired limit. You just have to be motivated.
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Culture
Black Beauty
A Historian’s View on the Mental Slavery of Bla
by Dr. Dalea Bean
T
he Africans who were enslaved during the transatlantic slave trade, which took place from the sixteenth to the nineteenth century, were removed from their homeland, families, and culture, deprived of their freedom and subjected to vicious acts of cruelty. They, along with their off springs, were maimed, killed, raped, whipped and subjected to other brutal forms of punishment by their enslavers. It was one of the worst atrocities committed by one set of human beings on another. Beyond physical scars, slavery erased positive views that the enslaved Africans held about themselves. This is not only a dilemma of the past but also one that has been passed on through generations, affecting the way blacks currently think of themselves in relation to whites. Mental slavery may be defined as a condition in which the mind or collective psyche of a people is trapped in a state of negative selfperception, low self-esteem, or an inferiority complex. The enslaved made great efforts to free themselves
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ack Women
from physical slavery. However, freeing the blacks from feelings of low self-esteem, negative self-perception and an inferiority complex was not attacked with the same vigor as the opposition of physical slavery. In order to justify the belief that blacks were inferior and whites were superior, so-called scientific evidence was appealed to. Some white scientists postulated that one’s physical appearance reflected his or her intellectual capacity and ability. For example, negative character traits such as idleness, promiscuity, treachery, theft and lying were seen as inherent to black people, while the opposite positive qualities were inherent to whites. According to Nancy Stepan, author of The Ideas of Race in Science, “black skin was taken as a natural outward sign of inward mental and moral inferiority.” This suggests that even before the advent of slavery, non-Europeans, especially blacks were seen as inferior beings, closer to the lower animals than to human beings.
The mind of the Negro…is inferior to that of the European and also their organization is less perfect… the Negro structure approximates unequivocally to that of the monkey. It not only differs from the Caucasian model; but is distinguished from it in two respects: the intellectual characters are reduced, the animal features enlarged and exaggerated. The 16th century Oxford English Dictionary described the Negro as “deeply stained with dirt, comparable to death.” White racists validated the enslavement of Africans by using these and other views to guide their actions. They further justified their actions by arguing that since Africans were savage, beast-like creatures; enslavement was in their best interest as it was a means of civilizing them. The Africans eventually internalized these negative perceptions that led to low self-esteem and mental slavery. This led them to a state of inferiority complex which further deepened their psychological bondage.
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Within the Jamaican folk culture and social psychology, acquired racist thought manifests some of the core notions of disunity among Blacks. The notion that “anyting tu blak nuh gud” (Anything too Black is not good), is often used to justify or to predict the failure of any individual, group or indeed the entire race of black people.” – Clinton Hutton Black women faced a unique form of disdain. They were seen as being physically ugly, more masculine than feminine in nature, and their only feminine identity were their breasts. Their dark skin and large buttocks were seen as ugly in relation to their white counterparts. In addition, their hair was seen as ugly in the light of typically long, flowing European hair types. According to Speke,
As the hair of the Negro will not grow long, a barber might be dispensed with, were it not that they delight in odd fashions, and are therefore continually either shaving it off altogether, or else fashioning it after the most whimsical designs. – D. Speke quoted in Hutton, Clinton. “Roast Breadfruit”: The Philosophy And Psychology Of Freedom By Submission and Subjection These images were in sharp contrast to the physical attributes of white women. The European notion of feminine beauty included long straight hair, a petite figure, rosy cheeks and a light complexion. White women and, to a lesser extent, Mulatto or coloured women were desired and black women were seen as ugly and only fit for servitude and slavery. Naturally, this did not spare the African woman from the regular sexual advances of white men. Despite that, the prevailing view of black women in the society was a negative one that was accepted, even by blacks.
Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind.”
– Bob Marley
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It is against this background that the great philosopher Marcus Garvey made his
speech on mental slavery in which he said “we are going to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery, because whilst others can free the body, none but ourselves can free our mind.” Bob Marley echoed the same sentiment in ‘Redemption Song’ (from the 1980 ‘Uprising’ Album). He said “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind.” The major tenet of their argument was that black people were freed from physical slavery but still in a state of mental slavery. They thought that emancipation from mental slavery could only be achieved by a concerted effort by the individuals themselves. There needs to be a conscious love of self and de-bugging of the Black mind to overcome the negative ideas initiated by the system of slavery. We have been socialized to think of ourselves as inferior and have internalized the inferiority complex so deeply that we are not conscious of its expression in our lives. To describe someone’s hair as ‘pretty’ is not a simple means of identification; it is an illustration of how blacks think of their hair in relation to that of other races. The view that some
blacks have that natural Black hair is ‘bad’ and that typical black features such as broad noses and thick lips are ugly are also indicators of the negative view that some have of themselves. Freeing the Black mind essentially means changing the negative ideas that black people have of themselves. People of the African Diaspora have to become comfortable with their hair type, skin, eye colour, figure and facial features for mental freedom to take place. Altering these features to fit European ideals is different from trying to enhance beauty. Of course, many Black women are not trying to adjust their look to satisfy European ideals. When a woman bleaches her skin to get a lighter complexion, she is asserting that her blackness is imperfect when compared to whiteness. This is a manifestation of the mental slavery. In Jamaica, there are many who strongly believe in
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the concept of ‘marrying up’; meaning that they will marry someone who is of a lighter complexion. This would ensure that they produce lighter-skinned children than themselves. Also, the association with a person of lighter colour would improve their social status and improve their chances for social mobility. Some Blacks have been socialized into these feelings of Black imperfection from birth. For example, at a certain age, most black females will want to process their hair to fully become a woman. This can be related to the feelings that straight hair is more feminine than ‘kinky’ or wooly hair, which is usually the natural hair type of Blacks. Therefore to fully evolve into womanhood, processing of the hair has become the norm and is often actively encouraged by some families. Some might argue that this is a matter of personal choice and convenience. However, it has become more than this; it is now a
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societal norm in Jamaica for women to process their hair to make it straight and ‘look good’. The processing of hair to make it soft and straight has therefore not only become a matter of personal choice, but also a societal norm, which if not followed, is still seen by some as a deviation. The perpetuation of these negative ideas that some persons have towards blackness, and a subsequent belief in white pre-eminence, also takes place in the media. By portraying images that suggest that beauty is synonymous with straight long hair and other European features, magazines, advertisements and other media aid in the physiological slavery that some blacks face. This is so since dark skinned women with natural hair are rarely portrayed as the preferred symbol of beauty. The negative self-concept of the black woman is therefore reinforced by projecting European/ American ideals of beauty which black women should try to conform to, in order to be regarded as beautiful. wSlogans which include words such as “for course and resistant hair” on a hair relaxer for children helps to inculcate in young girls that their hair is rough and ‘bad’ in its natural state
and that straight hair is more beautiful and will get the admiration that natural hair will not get. Hair relaxers and hair extensions advertised in these magazines for adult women are also accompanied by slogans, which insinuate the substandard nature of natural black, wooly or unprocessed hair. Though this is slowly changing, “get lovely” and “tame your hair” are slogans that advertise leading hair products. This also influences AfricanCaribbean and other afro-descendant women to process their hair in order to fit these ideals of feminine beauty. Having said all this, the point is not to condemn those who use skin toners, relax their hair, and apply makeup or indulge in other forms of grooming. Instead, we should all try
to recognize the legacies of slavery that still plague us today. We should not look at our sisters who choose to go ‘natural’ as being behind the times. One may make a change by wearing coloured contacts, but should not deem the dark chocolate eyes of their counterparts as an object of ridicule. The effort to free ourselves from mental slavery must be approached with daily vigor and determination. Full liberation from metal slavery can only be achieved when we accept ourselves as beautiful and intellectually capable of achieving greatness and as Akbar says, “we must learn to comfortably celebrate ourselves…it is through self-celebration that we heal our damaged self-esteem.”
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Culture
Matey by Choice Women Chasing
the Forbidden Fruit by Garth Williams Life is filled with duality – good vs. evil, left wing v right wing and matey vs. wifey, among others. So, let’s talk about this wifey vs. matey matter, focusing on the matey. Let’s focus particularly on the mateys who weren’t tricked into the relationship with the man. Instead I want to share my view about those mateys who knew the man had a ‘wife’ (common-law or otherwise) and still decided to go for him. (Let me also add that I don’t endorse cheating). So now that I’ve got that out the way – Truth is that most women don’t seek out or pursue unavailable men, but, more women do it than many of us would like to admit. I’m pretty sure that most of you reading this blog have seen examples of this in reality. Some of you may have been in the situation playing either the role of wifey, matey or the husband. 80
[
mate·y
A woman who has a continuing se with a usually married man who is
Based on my personal observation and discussions, I’ve come to the position that women who go for unavailable men usually feel that they are more committed to the relationship than the men are. These women usually feel that the men have all the power and control in the relationship. Women in relationships with unavailable men feel that they have to work hard to keep the man interested, and often, try to change themselves into being whatever they think the man is looking for in a relationship with them. Simply put, relationships with unavailable men are frustrating and unsatisfying, yet too many women try,
try, try to stick it out and make things work. But, why? I think the women who go for unavailable men have some serious insecurity and self esteem issues. They put so much time and effort into being with this emotionally unavailable man, while he has his cake and eats it too.
Part of the motivation for these women is the belief that the unavailable man will finally come around and commit. They’ll finally have evidence that they are a ‘worthy woman’. Sadly, if he never commits to them their self-worth is left exual relationship hanging in the wind. s not her husband. Another motivating factor for these women’s pursuits is that they’ve invested so much and waited so long for the unavailable man to come around that the thought of leaving without any payoff is almost unthinkable.
]
Matey Characteristics Even though their behavior can lead to a host of problems, these women aren’t fools. They display tremendous strength and perseverance. If a woman sets her mind on getting the attention and affection of an unavailable man, she may go to great lengths to keep
giving him chances. At the same time, she’ll often fall into the rut of making excuses for his negligent behavior. Though this approach isn’t ideal, her behavior reflects the fact that she is patient, hard working, and committed to something she cares about. Those are good qualities! Let me add that there’s also the characteristic of bravery/courage – because if the wife finds out about the affair there can be hell to pay especially if the wifey is confrontational. In that case it’s a matter of beat or be beaten – rarely does wifey focus her energy on the man, she heads straight to fighting matey. A Bit of Advice For women who find themselves in a relationship with an unavailable man, you don’t need to change everything about yourself. Just switch your focus. Stop trying to get his attention and/ or affection and instead focus on your own emotional needs. Focus on trying to get those emotional needs met by a man who’s willing to be a man and not just a grown boy. If you’re willing to do the work to explore your behavior, motivations, and needs, you could find yourself in the near future in a relationship with a man who’s actually worth it. Imagine that!
Garth Williams is co-host of the morning programme, the KLAS Lifestyle on KLAS Sports FM89. He is a vibrant communications specialist and broadcaster with over 10 years experience working in media and public relations. Contact him through his blog at http://garthowilliams.wordpress.com/.
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