Oh. Nevermind. I can hold it. - Morgan, 8th grade
For more information visit AlabamaHealthyTeens.com
Volume 21, Issue 11
Feature Articles
FEBRUARY 2 0 2 0 Columns page 2
Publisher’s Note
page 12
Faith @ Work: Mike and Rebecca Ellis
Jason Watson
page 4
Pastor's Perspective
Married for 33 years, Mike and Rebecca share how God has seen them through even the most devastating of tragedies a couple can face, the death of their son, Cole. Discover why their marriage is stronger than ever and how they are making beauty from ashes through Hope City Counseling and The Cole Ellis Foundation.
Dr. Kyle Searcy, Fresh Anointing House of Worship
page 20
Bob Crittenden
Tips & Trends for Your 2020 Wedding
page 10
Pondering the Journey Sam Whatley
page 16
The Intersection page 29
Women Arising Pastor Kemi Searcy
by Kimberely Carter Spivey
Check out what’s hot in wedding fashion, decor and more for 2020!
page 30
Counselor’s Corner Kym Klass
page 24
Claire & Patrick Cleveland
page 36
Dave $ays
Sharing Advice for Before and After Your Wedding
Dave Ramsey
Local newlyweds Claire and Patrick Cleveland discuss how they prepared for a strong marriage during their engagement months and what they feel is most important in making a marriage work!
In Every Issue page 6
Books to Read page 8
page 26
Around Our Community
Pursuing Spiritual Intimacy in Marriage
page 12
Faith @ Work
Discover six ways towards a more intimate relationship with your spouse as you relate to each and the Lord together.
page 32
Support Groups 1
February 2020
River Region’s Journey
Our Mission... We believe the Good News concerning the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is worth sharing with our friends and neighbors in the River Region. Each month we deliver this life-changing message to the centers of activity across our community in a user-friendly and relevant way to empower and equip all those seeking to grow closer to God. Join us in this mission by sharing a copy with your neighbor or by becoming an advertising partner starting next month.
Editor DeAnne Watson deanne@readjourneymagazine.com
Publisher
Jason Watson jason@readjourneymagazine.com
Associate Publisher Gena Hill
Research Editor Wendy McCollum
Contributing Writers Bob Crittenden William Farley Kym Klass Dave Ramsey Kemi Searcy Dr. Kyle Searcy Kimberly Carter Spivey Dr. David Steele Bryan Stoudt Sam Whatley
Advertising Opportunities Jason Watson ads@readjourneymagazine.com (334) 213-7940 ext 702
Digital Manager Scott Davis
Ad Design
From the Publisher Did Any of You Get Married Too Young Like I Did? Neither one of us had graduated from college. I was working two jobs. Both sets of our parents had divorced. The odds were against us having success. So, close friends and family told us that we were just too young to get married! Twenty-six years later I’m thankful we’re falling in love with each other more and more every day, even though we don’t always get this husband and wife thing right. There are some who would call our marriage success “dumb luck”. “You were just right for each other,” they might say. I’m happy to believe that we are right for each other. I know it feels that way in my heart. But, having a great marriage doesn’t happen by chance, and our future success isn’t even guaranteed (my head tells me that)! Great marriages take a lot of hard work - in the right direction with the right resources. Those last 8 words are why we publish this Wedding & Marriage Issue of River Region’s Journey. God was so kind to DeAnne and me by giving us older couples in the church to mentor us and explain the Bible’s teaching on how our sin and brokenness has been overcome by God’s grace and forgiveness. And how that new way of living through Jesus’ power infuses a successful marriage. Thankfully we have, more often than not, been following God’s direction and using His resources... and they haven’t failed us, NOT ONE TIME. Marriage advice abounds in our society, but most of it isn’t very good. What you’ll read in the following pages, if applied, will add thousands of blessings to your lives for years to come and will also pass on a heritage of success to your children when it’s their turn to walk down the aisle.
Tim Welch, Welch Designs
Distribution Manager Charles Silliman
River Region’s Journey is published monthly by Keep Sharing, P.O. Box 230367, Montgomery, AL 36123. For information, call 334-213-7940. River Region’s Journey is copyrighted 2020 by KeepSharing. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or part without written permission is prohibited. The opinions expressed in River Region’s Journey are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the view of the owners, nor do they constitute an endorsement of products or services herein. River Region’s Journey has the right to refuse any content that is not consistent with its statement of faith.
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Come Worship with Us!
Founded Upon God’s Word
Liturgically Joyful
At Christchurch, Holy Scripture serves as the final authority for our teaching and preaching. Indeed, over the course of three years, almost the entire Bible is read aloud and preached upon.
At Christchurch, worship involves the entire congregation, as we offer God praise, thanksgiving and adoration using worship traditions that can be traced back to the earliest days of the Church. Our worship is not designed to entertain us, but to honor the true “audience” of worship, the Lord!
Warm and Loving
Committed to Mission
By God’s grace and through His Spirit, the people of Christchurch enjoy the richness and joy of being a true family. We’d love for you to become a part of us! Regardless of who you are, you will always find a home at Christchurch.
The people of Christchurch respond to God’s Word by going out into the world proclaiming the good news of Jesus, and we joyfully serve as His hands and feet whether in places like Uganda and Guatemala or within Montgomery.
Sunday Worship: 9:30 a.m. Christian Education: 11:00 a.m. on Sundays and 6 p.m. on Wednesdays
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8800 Vaughn Road, Montgomery, AL 36117 www.christchurchmgm.net 334.387.0566
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Pastor’s Perspective by Dr. Kyle Searcy, Fresh Anointing House of Worship
Humility: The Key to Marital Bliss pleasantries they became obsessed with the controlling behavior of each other. “Look here, now!” the North-Going Zax said, “I say! You are blocking my path. You are right in my way. I’m a North-Going Zax and I always go north. Get out of my way, now, and let me go forth!” “Who’s in whose way?” snapped the South-Going Zax. “I always go south, making south-going tracks. So you’re in MY way! And I ask you to move and let me go south in my south-going groove.” Each Zax was perfectly capable of moving in a different direction but refused. They stayed stagnate in that position for 59 years while the world grew around them. Pride stopped them in their tracks. Many marriages suffer like the Zax’s. They never progress due to pride. And many die because of the same . Warren Wiersbee tells this story in his Wiersbee Commentary of an elderly couple who suffered in marriage due to pride. “A handsome elderly man stopped at my study one day and asked if I would perform a wedding for him. I suggested that he bring the bride in so that we might chat together and get better acquainted. ‘Before she comes in,’ he said, ‘let me explain this wedding to you. Both of us have been married before—to each other! Over 30 years ago, we got into an argument, I got mad, and we separated. Then we did a stupid thing and got a divorce. I guess we were both too proud to apologize. Well, all these years we’ve lived alone, and now we see how foolish we’ve been. Our bitterness has robbed us of the joys of life, and now we Fitness for Everyone • Summer Camp • Youth Sports • Ability Programs want to remarry and see if the Lord won’t give us a few years of happiness before we prattvilleymca.org • (334) 361-0268 die.’”
Marriage is by far the most wonderful institution God made. It is God’s choice as a depiction of the relationship with Christ to His church. As wonderful as marriage is, it requires skill. After 33 years of counseling couples in ministry and 30 years of marriage, I am convinced that humility is the most valuable skill one can have in marriage. I am also persuaded that pride is marital cancer. Marriage is a set up. God brings two imperfect, self-focused people together and basically commands them to honor each other above their own needs. It’s a wonderful thing but it requires self-denial—something our generation seems to have less and less of (2 Tim 3:2). Dr. Seuss, the famous children’s book writer, pinned the perfect marriage failure posture in a story about two Zax’. One was called a northbound Zax and the other a Southbound Zax. As they journeyed in their northern and southern directions they encountered each other in an open field. After exchanging a few
NOT A CLUB... A COMMUNITY
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The inability to embrace humility caused them 30 years of loneliness. Our marriages can be healthy. They can fulfill God’s purpose. They can be shining examples of the beautiful relationship between Christ and the Church. They can endure the test of time and troubles. But to do this we must embrace humility. Here are a few tips for practicing humility in marriage. 1. Sow what you want to reap in the relationship. Instead of focusing on what your spouse can and should do for you, focus on what you can do for them. Seriously, make it all about them. Do your best to learn and meet their needs whether you feel they deserve it or not. If you want them to be kind to you, be kind to them. If you want attention, sow attention--you will reap it eventually. 2. Focus on obeying your God given roles. Husbands are to love their wives like Christ loves the Church. They are to nourish, cherish and comfort their wives. Wives are to submit to the husband with respect and reverence. “Go Nike on ‘em!” Just Do It! Do what The Book says and leave the results to God. 3. Be quick to forgive. Holding grudges in marriage is toxic. Scriptures admonishes you to deal with issues before the sun goes down when possible (Eph 4:26). Think about your need for forgiveness often and pass that on to your spouse. 4. Make it fun. Keep the relationship full of life and laughter. Laughter covers a multitude of stupidity. 5. Maintain a tender heart. A hardened heart can be the devil’s playground. I often pray that God would keep my heart tender and pliable. Life stings and wounds like to create calloused reminders. But the Holy Spirit is highly skilled at making hardened places soft again. Take your hurts before Jesus and let Him work on them. He restores souls. Kyle Searcy is pastor of Fresh Anointing House of Worship, 6000 Monticello Drive, Montgomery.
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Enough About Me
Why I Love the Apostle Paul
Finding Lasting Joy in the Age of Self
John Piper (2019)
Jen Oshman (2020)
The aim of Piper’s most recent book is to help readers get to know Paul the apostle. Piper’s motive is that Paul’s “Godentranced soul and his unparalleled vision of Jesus Christ and the authenticity of his life would move you to admire him and believe his message and embrace his Lord.” This book reveals the underbelly or the foundations of Piper’s well-known Christian hedonism. Many have fought against the very notion of such a worldview. Some have cast it aside as heretical; others have discounted it or marginalized its value. The arguments for Christian hedonism that Piper presents are not only biblical; they are robust, logical, mind-shaping, and heart-warming. The central thought of Piper’s Christian hedonism is this: “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.” Piper’s latest offering, while not necessarily an apologetic for Christian hedonism, is a worthy defensive and brilliant articulation of the philosophy which has undergirded the author’s life and ministry. Quite frankly, Why I Love the Apostle Paul is an enthralling book. It is certain to open many eyes to the depth, breadth, majesty, and beauty of the gospel.
Self. The very word makes postmodern people proud. After all, we are encouraged each day to please ourselves, nurture ourselves, and congratulate ourselves. Self-promotion is considered a virtue in our age. This propensity to narcissism is part of the warp and woof of contemporary culture. Self-absorption is so prevalent that Ryan Holiday takes the subject up in his recent book, Ego is the Enemy. It appears that “we” are the hero in our own epic drama. Tragically, this drama has an ending that is anything but happy. Jen Oshman’s recent book, Enough About Me: Find Lasting Joy in the Age of Self addresses the alarming trend of “me, myself, and I” which has not only invaded the postmodern milieu; it has also subtly crept into the church. First, Oshman sounds a jolting, yet necessary alarm. She issues a warning that the banner of narcissism is in our midst and it aggressively and relentlessly competes for our attention. While the book is primarily addressed to women, the principles apply across the board. The author notes that we have moved from “relying on self to deifying self,” a shift that has been encouraged as various worldviews have morphed on a godless trajectory. Second, Oshman moves from cultural diagnosis to theological purpose. She rightly notes the purpose of the Creator as he fashioned people in his image to glorify his name. The contrast between God’s sovereign purposes and our culture is stark. Most important is the prescription which is prescribed by the author. This prescription is both radical and exclusive. Enough About Me is a much-needed book, especially for women in the church who are searching for hope and joy in all the wrong places. Jen Oshman is a faithful and reliable guide who offers one answer – the gospel of Jesus Christ. Her wise counsel will benefit readers who find themselves adrift in our postmodern age and help cut through the fog of uncertainty. I trust that Jen’s book will receive a wide readership and benefit many in the days to come. River Region’s Journey
February 2020
On the Road with Saint Augustine James K.A. Smith (2019) Smith’s work, On the Road With Saint Augustine: A Real-World Spirituality for Restless Hearts, is an invitation to meet Augustine on the path that will lead to the culmination of his hopes, dreams, and desires. Readers are in for a treat, especially the ones who have caricatured Augustine as a stuffy academician who puffs on a pipe, panders to the educated elite, and pontificates with an accent. Smith traces the Augustinian path and focuses on several fascinating subjects that every pilgrim must wrestle with: freedom, ambition, sex, and death to name a few. Readers will see a totally new side of the Bishop of Hippo. Thoughtful readers will be prodded and poked. But they will also be encouraged and edified. They will be forced into a corner and challenged to weigh these heavenly realities and ultimately find their rest in God and the gospel of His Son. 6
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His Vessel Ministries Announces “The Gathering Retreat”
His Vessel Ministries is excited to announce a women’s retreat, The Gathering: Becoming His Vessel for Life, to be held at The Lodge at Gulf State Park, 21196 East Beach Blvd., Gulf Shores, AL, beginning Friday, February 28 through Saturday, February 29, 2020. The teaching for both days of the event will be conducted by Jo Hancock, Founder and Director of His Vessel Ministries, with Worship Leader Julie Smothers. The Gathering will begin at 6 p.m. on Friday night and conclude late afternoon on Saturday. Overnight accommodations are available at The Lodge at Gulf State Park, a Hilton Hotel. The registration fee for the weekend is $99.00 and includes lunch on Saturday. Online registrations at hisvessel.org or accepted now by calling (334) 356-4478. Room reservations for The Lodge at Gulf State Park can be made by calling 800-618-4350 and using the code HVWR to obtain the special rates of $134.00 (park view) or $164.00 (gulf view). Rooms accommodate 1-4 guests per room and applicable taxes apply. His Vessel Ministries, Inc., a 501(c) (3) non-profit provides Christ-centered teachings through Bible studies, yearly discipleship training and special teaching events written and published by Jo Hancock. His Vessel Ministries is in the Historic Union Station in Montgomery.
FEBRUARY SERMON SERIES | SUNDAY MORNINGS 8, 9:30 &11AM OR WATCH LIVE 9:30 OR 11AM FRAZER.CHURCH/LIVE
334.272.8622 • WWW.FRAZER.CHURCH
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TOBYMAC: The Theatre Tour
Saturday, April 25 at 7:00 PM Montgomery Performing Arts Centre, Montgomery, AL. Visit itickets.com
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Wisdom 2 Lead Leadership Conference
Join conference host Dr. Kyle Searcy, along with Mayor Steven Reed, Todd Strange, Tasha Scott, Jere Beasley and others, on Friday, February 21st and Saturday, February 22. Event will be held at the Double Tree Hotel in Downtown Montgomery. For more information, text (334) 401-2828 or visit www.wisdom2leadconference.eventbrite.com.
Night to Shine Special Needs Prom
Weekend to Remember for Couples
The Night to Shine, Tim Tebow Foundation Special Needs Prom, will be hosted by Thorington Road Baptist Church on Friday, February 7, at Wynlakes Country Club in Montgomery for ages 14 and up. Volunteers and sponsors are also needed. For more information, email nighttoshine@ trbaptist.org or visit https://www. trbaptist.org/nighttoshine/.
FamilyLife will be hosting its Weekend to Remember, a marriage getaway, in Montgomery on Friday through Sunday, February 14 through February 16, at the Embassy Suites. The weekend combines general sessions with designated times set aside for projects to complete as a couple. Registration is required and may be made online.
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Setting the Stage for Someone Else In 1515, Richard Balson received a license to sell meat on a street in the village of Bridport, England. His direct descendant, another Richard Balson, still sells sausages and bacon in that village, twenty-six generations later. And that license, written in Latin when Henry VIII was king, now hangs on the wall of his family’s butcher shop. R. J. Balson and Sons, the oldest family owned business in the United Kingdom, has survived many wars, floods, fires, and the competition of supermarkets and the internet. The owner says it’s because they know their customers and ask about their family members. They care about what their neighbors need and what they are
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going through. They are serving children and grandchildren of customers from years ago. I think it is time that we Christians realize that we, too, need to prepare the stage for those yet to be born by caring about other people. We are in the Family of God business. Unlike the butcher shop our business spans not just centuries, but millennia. We must pass down the faith of our Heavenly Father and prepare others to pass it on to the next generation. It’s what believers do and have done since Christ ascended into Heaven. Even before that, the children of Israel were setting the stage for us. I am reminded of Moses on Mount Nebo, looking over the land of Canaan. He had led more than a million people out of Egyptian slavery, but he could not lead them into the Promised Land. That was to be Joshua’s job. But Moses had been preparing Joshua for forty years to face the spiritual and physical battles ahead of him. Centuries later, King David wanted to build God’s temple in Jerusalem. God allowed him to acquire all of the materials and hire workmen, but made it clear that another would be the builder. God told David, “His name will be Solomon, and I will grant Israel peace and quiet during his reign He is the one who will build a house for my Name. He will be my son, and I will be his father. And I will es10
tablish the throne of his kingdom over Israel forever,” (1 Chronicles 22:9-10) NIV. Hundreds of years later, a teenager named Daniel was abducted and exiled with others from Jerusalem to Babylon. After seventy years of serving in pagan governments, he prayed earnestly for God to release the Jewish captives and allow them to return to their homeland. Indeed, they were released, but old Daniel was left behind. Yet, his examples of courage and prayer had prepared others to go back and rebuild the fallen temple and the crumbling city of Jerusalem So, what about us? Are we doing all we can to assist those around us to trust their lives to Jesus? Are we helping others pick up the mantle of church leadership? Are we encouraging younger generations to seek God for guidance in choosing a career or a spouse? Do our children and grandchildren see us reading God’s Word? Do they see us making sacrifices to support the spreading of the Gospel? These questions can be sobering. Who knows what God may choose to do through our neighbors, children, grandchildren, and their descendants in centuries yet to come? We don’t have to know the future, but we have to trust in the One Who does. Let’s invest our lives, our money, and our time in spreading the Good News that this world has a Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Our days are numbered. We cannot do everything ourselves. Others must join us in this work. Moses knew the value of passing truth on to the next generation. He wrote, “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up,” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7) NIV. Let’s look beyond our lifetimes to a world 500 years from now. We can do this by sharing Christ with our neighbors. By the power of the Holy Spirit, our legacy can be much greater than bacon and sausages.
Alabama Baptist
STATE BOARD OF MISSIONS Serving with you
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MONDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2020 @ 12:00 P.M. HERITAGE BAPTIST CHURCH MONTGOMERY
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DISC IPLE MAKING MINIST RIES DINNER Sunday, February 23 at 4:30 p.m.
Register at alsbom.org/disciplemakingdinner
“REAC HING GEN Z” LUNC HEON
Monday, February 24, Noon-1:15 p.m.
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author, professor, and wife of New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary President Emeritus Dr. Chuck Kelley
REGISTER ONLINE AT ALABAMAWMU.ORG or CALL 800.264.1225 ext. 325 This event is free, but reservations are required. Space is limited. Open to ministers’ wives only. Thank you for your understanding.
Register at alsbom.org/SEC
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Dr. Rhonda Kelley
ALL AT HERITAGE BAPTIST CHURCH
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RELATED MEETINGS
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ISSION ADM
CONFERENCE FOR HISPANIC PASTORS AND LEADERS
Monday, February 24, 4:30-6:30 p.m.
Who’s Your One? district trainings will be held throughout 2020.
Visit alsbom.org/whosyourone for details. 11
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know He loves me, He never leaves me, He fights for me, He waits for me, He holds me and He has a plan for me! Mike: I was baptized as a young boy, but faith wasn’t taught to me as a foundation for a marriage or home. Both Rebecca and I dated during early high school and many of our dates were through our mutual church, Lakewood Baptist in Phenix City, Alabama. I would say this was the beginning, but our foundation was built following year seven of marriage when I needed to learn my wife’s love language and was mentored through my Sunday School by Mr. Mike Darnell (Life Counselor). Mike helped me understand my priorities as a husband and how my faith had to play a role in every area of my life, including my work and play.
RRJ: Mike and Rebecca, thank you so much for taking time to share how your faith is at work in our community. To begin, how long have you two been followers of Christ? Rebecca: I accepted Christ when I was around 8 years old. I loved Jesus and knew Him, but I really didn’t understand the loving, personal relationship Jesus was always pursuing with me until I was in my 20s. Mike and I had moved to Montgomery for his first job as a physical therapist and we were attending Frazer UMC. We joined a Sunday school class and started to serve and invest our lives there. It is during that time that God’s love and grace really began to seep into my soul! I have had periods of being very luke warm and periods of being on fire, but through all seasons, I River Region’s Journey
February 2020
RRJ: How did you two meet and did you know immediately that you were meant for each other? Rebecca: I met Mike when I was 13 and he was 15. We both went to Glenwood High School in Phenix City, AL. He was a big time football player and a really nice guy, but he was also pretty sure of himself, if you know what I mean. I was a quiet girl with absolutely no athletic ability and really focused on my grades. I actually met him when he asked me about another girl. That was the beginning of our relationship that has lasted for almost 42 years, being married for 33! Our beautiful marriage has come through failure, victories, and sacrifice, but above all Christ 12
has been at the center of our marriage. Mike: Oh yes! I actually was chasing a girl she knew who turned me down for a dance date. My father had this cute junior high office helper named Rebecca. It’s my father who told me about Rebecca and boy was he right! After that first dance date I knew she was the one! RRJ: Life threw you a huge blow with the loss of your son, Cole. How has your faith in Christ helped you through a very dark place in your life? Rebecca: There are no words to describe the intense pain and grief that we were thrown into. There were no signs and no warning for us. We literally have an amazingly close family and were always together. Cole was his dad’s best friend! They were always hunting, fishing, playing sports and helping others together. He was best friends with his older sister and protected and cared for his younger sister like I have never seen. Cole was loved by everyone who met him and such an easy young man to raise. When Cole died, I never once doubted that God loved me or that for a moment He forgot me, Cole or the rest of my family, but I didn’t understand “why.” We were good parents and were raising our children to know truth and Jesus as their Savior.
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As the crippling grief threatened my life and family, God literally picked me up and put me on my feet! I remember the first morning after Cole’s death, rain was pelting the windows of the place where we were staying. I stood at those windows and could only compare my heart to the weather we were experiencing. In the quiet of those moments, I heard a voice in my head say, “Do you trust me?” I am pretty sure that it was God’s physical encounter with me so that I would be alert and aware of His constant presence. From that moment, I sought quiet time often to have more encounters, and I did! He gave me insight in the first days that I had to get up every day, all drapes had to be open, no naps so that we would be tired by night time, and our girls had to be the priority. I remember thinking the first couple of days after Cole died that I would never be able to survive another day or ever find one second of joy again, but God gave me what I needed for each second during the early days and then He gave me what I needed for each minute, then each hour, day, month and year that followed. It has been 10 years
since I last got to hug my precious Cole and hear him say, “I love you, Momma,” but my marriage, family and life are beautiful and blessed beyond measure! Now, God is using me to speak in many different forums about suicide, grief, healing, the impact of social media on our teens, and parenting teens and young adults. Mike: The divorce rate following the loss of a child exceeds 75%. Believe it or not, Rebecca and I were offered free legal services by various attorneys in the community to help us dissolve our marriage. Little did they know that the foundation that was built many years ago could withstand even this huge blow. We are both human and we have been up many nights wondering why and what we did to deserve this. It was actually John Ed Mathison, former minister at Frazer Church, who cornered me one day and rocked my world when he said “Mike, you keep asking ‘why me’ when, in fact, I think you need to be asking ‘why not me’ and what are you going to do about it?” Well, that set my
competitive juices flowing and I rededicated myself to trying to help others who are in crisis or hurting. I/we didn’t ask for this journey, but God loves me and calls me to serve Him in ways that are not my ways. RRJ: You’ve been married now for 33 years. How important of a role has your Christian faith played in sustaining your marriage? Rebecca: It is what sustains our marriage! After loss like we experienced, we are extremely vulnerable to bad choices, excuses and feeling like we just need a break. We are very intentional about not going there and/or realizing when the other is struggling. I can’t imagine going through this without my Mike! It hasn’t been easy in that our healing journey has looked so dramatically different, but counseling helped us learn to honor and respect how the other one is going through it. We don’t judge each other and try not to pull the other one down. Early on, I had taken on the responsibility of trying to save everyone in my house and it was like trying to save a
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drowning person when they are panicking, and the rescuer ends up drowning. Counseling really helped me with that. Jesus is my savior and He is the savior for Mike, Haden and Emma. He is doing His work in them and it’s okay that it is a different work. Mike: It has been a gift from God that our marriage has grown even closer since this huge blow. Never once have either one of us questioned our dedication toward one another. It is God’s creation and I am humbly thankful that He continues to teach me ways to make it better and better. RRJ: What “beauty from ashes” do you see since Cole’s death? Rebecca: Our Cole was an athlete, leader, and compassionate friend to so many, but his faith was extremely important to him and he was not shy about sharing it. Because of the seeds he planted, we saw young people choose Christ to lead their lives! We have been called to speak to many groups and share with families in loss or crisis. We want others to see that there is always hope, even when you can’t touch it or feel it. Our hope is Christ! He is alive and available to anyone anytime! Many people have gotten the impression that being joyful through suffering means that we are running around thanking God that Cole died. That is not truth! Our joy only comes as we allow God to be our healer and it is a journey. Living authentically and being honest and transparent has allowed others to see God’s love and grace in action in a real River Region’s Journey
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way. Our relationship with our girls and son-in-love, Beau, is a masterpiece in the making. I had my own masterpiece created in my mind, but mine was splintered into a million pieces 10 years ago. I am allowing God to create the one He intended and cannot wait to see what He has in store. I am trusting that it will be even more beautiful than what I had in mind many years ago! Mike: This is a hard one. I think back to the guidance I received from John Schmidt, former pastor at Frazer, now at Centerpoint in Prattville, who advised me to take the ashes and put them on the back burner of my brain and focus on the beauty of the 13 years we had with Cole. Now, that is not to say that those ashes don’t creep up to the frontal lobe at 3 am several times a week, but it takes discipline to put them in their place and focus on the beauty. The beauty that I see now is in the love and beauty that God continues to grow in my girls. I also have the gift of working with so many young men and coaching them in their growth, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually.
years ago, after much prayer and discernment, God sent Alisa and Richard Jones. They grew up in Montgomery and their desire was to start a Christian counseling center and remain here to have and raise their family. They opened Hope City Counseling and we have partnered with them. Recently, Cole’s Foundation was rebranded and we are in the process of launching fundraising and plans to grow Hope City Counseling to be able to reach more people who are hurting! Cole’s Foundation wants to be able to financially assist in that growth and afford some of the expenses for those who are in need of counseling but cannot afford it. Hope City Counseling’s desire is to bring hope and light to the people of central Alabama in the form of grace-centered Christian counseling. It is non-denominational and centered on Christ’s love and grace and the counselors receive anyone whether they are a believer or not! The Cole Ellis Foundation (www. coleellisfoundation.com) was established to be a beacon of light in the darkness and a catalyst for helping those experiencing heartbreak. It is our mission to place those in crisis in counseling and assist those in need of financial aid with counseling services. Suicide rates are at an all-time high across the nation. A person dies by suicide every 11 minutes and an estimated 1.4 million attempted. This does not take into account other deaths that were suicide but covered up or deemed “accidents”. Alabama has consistently shown a pattern of higher suicide rates than the U.S. national average. It crosses every socio-economic boundary! But, please know that Hope City Counseling and Cole’s Foundation is for anyone in need of counseling. Pain, brokenness, loss, destructive choices and families in crisis comes in many forms.
RRJ: How does the Cole Ellis Foundation and Hope City Counseling hope to help others?
RRJ: How does Hebrews 13:14 speak to you? (“The world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.”)
Rebecca: We found counseling to be life-saving for us, yet struggled to find what was right for our family. It has been a prayer of ours for years to find the right counselors and for God to reveal His plan to help others and redeem our story. Three
Rebecca: I look so forward to my permanent home! As a believer, I have known for as long as I can remember that Heaven is a place where there will be no sickness, no sadness, no death and is a place of beauty and splendor. But, as a
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teenager and then young adult, it always seemed so far away and the human desire to experience life here was stronger than my desire to contemplate Heaven as my permanent home. The death of my Cole turned my focus and every desire upside down. I have experienced the death of both my grandparents, my daddy, my Cole, my brother, many friends and have been watching my momma die for five years. There will be a beautiful reunion when I step into my heavenly home and you can rest assured that I long for the day to wrap my arms around my beautiful, kind and loving Cole! Mike: Statistics and research state that when a huge blow like this hits a family there is usually further ripples and repercussions. Yes, both Rebecca and I considered joining Cole as soon as possible, but we know our work here is not done and how selfish that would be, especially with two daughters to raise and grandchildren on the way (I hope really soon!). I am not afraid to die, and I know I will hold my son, but God still has plans for me. I just don’t cling to the things of this world that much for sure.
RRJ: Finally, since this is our marriage and wedding issue, many couples who are just beginning their journey together will be reading this. What is some advice you would want to share with them? Rebecca: Love big and love always! Above all, marriage must be built on a solid foundation with Christ at the center. Respect and honor are key because there will be so many days of being exhausted, sick, worrying about money or time, feeling isolated or less important. Choose your spouse. Learn your spouse’s love language. When you learn that and love them in their love language and not your own, your relationship will develop a richness that you cannot imagine. Date nights and time with just the two of you are priority. It is important to keep the passion burning. Men need to know that we desire that physical passion with them and women need that emotional connection. Make sure you are addressing that in your marriage always. Don’t let issues or negative emotions grow and fester, but discuss them openly and without attacking. Mike and I are so very different in personality, but we compliment each other in every way. Learn to value and respect your differences. Always remember, if you want grace, you have to extend it.
Mike: The old adage is that a marriage is a give and take. I disagree. If both individuals are giving 50%, of course that equals 100%, but what happens on the day when one of the individuals is having a bad day, sick, frustrated, depressed, etc. You both have to try to give 100% every day, knowing that we as humans can’t possibly do that. Maybe on the day I can’t be my best, Rebecca is picking up my slack, and I want to do that for her on the days she is struggling. We want to be able to love, honor and respect not just during the fabulous times, but more importantly, when times are rocky or threatening. Anybody can love when things are going our way and love is exciting and fresh, but the true measure is how we love and honor when our world is falling apart. You will not weather that unless God is your sure foundation! * Photos by Colorbox.
Mike and Rebecca Ellis have been married 33 years. Mike is owner of Pro Impact Physical Therapy and Rebecca is Momma and a Registered Nurse. They are founders of The Cole Ellis Foundation and active members at First Baptist Church, Montgomery. They have two daughters: Haden Ellis Brogdon (27) and Emma Ellis (21), and their son, Cole, who awaits them in Heaven.
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Top 10 Topics of 2019 I want to review what I call the “Top 10 Topics of 2019,” featuring stories impacting the Christian community highlighted in my weekly blog post and/or in conversations on The Meeting House on Faith Radio.
concern among Christian leaders. According to a report by WORLD Magazine, Chick-fil-A continues to heavily support the WinShape Foundation which operates Christ-centered marriage and children’s programs.
10. Pastors and church leaders facing monumental struggles.
7. U.S. Supreme Court considers meaning of “sex” in Civil Rights law.
It was a brutal year for church leaders: a Chicago-area pastor was removed from his position due to leadership concerns. A well-known author and pastor announced that he no longer considered himself a Christian. Numerous pastors were highlighted in a highprofile series of newspaper and online articles on sexual abuse in the Southern Baptist Convention, and the leader of a ministry reaching out to those struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts took his own life.
9. Christians in Middle East face challenges.
Last year, Syria was a prime focus regarding Christians in the Middle East. Due to the Turkish movement into northern Syria, it presented challenges for the Christians living in that region.
8. Chick-fil-A developments cause concern.
After a series of roadblocks to restaurant chain Chick-fil-A expanding into the San Antonio airport, legislators in Texas, the state’s Attorney General, and a Christian legal advocacy organization got involved. Since 2012, when its head stated his support of traditional marriage, Chick-fil-A has been branded by some as “anti-LGBTQ,” fueling protests in 2019 at the chain’s first Canadian location and forcing the closure of a U.K. location. By year’s end, the company’s official foundation had changed its funding structure on charitable donations, withdrawing funding for organizations considered “anti-LGBTQ,” such as the Salvation Army and Fellowship of Christian Athletes. This caused great River Region’s Journey
February 2020
There has been a groundswell for creating special considerations based on gender identity and sexual orientation in Federal Civil Rights law. In October, the U.S. Supreme Court heard three cases that would redefine “sex” in the law to include these classes of individuals.
6. United Methodists deal with matters of sexuality.
In early 2019, United Methodist delegates met in St. Louis to consider how to deal with matters of homosexuality in the denomination. The Church teaches that homosexuality is unbiblical; many wanted to change that. This special General Assembly voted to approve a plan leaving teaching on homosexuality in place. In early 2020, a proposed compromise was announced that essentially divides United Methodism into progressive and conservative wings.
5. American attempts to advance religious freedom continue.
The current Administration’s attempts to further the cause of religious freedom around the globe continue. The State Department convened a second conference of world leaders to address the cause of religious freedom.
4. Equality Act passes House, “Fairness for All” introduced.
The concept of providing special considerations for LGBTQ individuals was encapsulated in a deeply concerning bill that passed the U.S. House of Representatives called the Equality Act. By year’s end, a “Fairness for All” bill, which would extend the protections of the Equality Act in exchange for what critics
characterize as uncertain religious exemptions, had been introduced into that body.
3. Court victories for religious freedom.
The LGBTQ issue continues to be significant regarding the Christian community, and the freedom to hold to Biblical ideals is facing threats in the public square. Last year, the rights of Christians to act in accordance with their beliefs were upheld in a variety of court settings. Two videographers received a favorable ruling from a Federal appeals court in their challenge to a Minnesota civil rights law which could have forced them to violate their Christian beliefs by filming same-sex weddings. A Kentucky t-shirt printer received a favorable outcome from the state Supreme Court after declining to provide shirts for a gay pride parade.
2. Flurry of pro-life bills pass state legislatures, including the nation’s strongest, in Alabama.
State legislatures continued in 2019 to step up to pass bills protecting life. Some have been struck down by courts, but it is hoped that at least one of these bills would be accepted by the U.S. Supreme Court and be used to weaken or overturn Roe vs. Wade. A number of states passed heartbeat bills banning abortion once the heartbeat of an unborn child is detected. The state of Alabama passed a bill, which has been placed on hold in Federal court, that would make it a crime to perform an abortion in the state under almost all circumstances.
1. U.S. Supreme Court allows Peace Cross in Maryland to stand.
A large veterans memorial in the shape of a cross in Bladensburg, Maryland, had been challenged, and the U.S. Supreme Court upheld its constitutionality; it is thought this could possibly have far-reaching impact on religious displays across America.
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The latest edition of the Faith Radio Ministry Magazine features the topic of prayer. To subscribe to our Magazine, please contact us.
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Faith Radio believes in the power of prayer and the special opportunity that corporate prayer provides. Coming before the Lord with other believers in a time of confession, adoration, thanksgiving, or supplication is a powerful, faith-building experience. This is one of the reasons the Faith Radio staff prays together every weekday morning for you, our listeners, and any needs that we know of in our community. We encourage you to send us any prayer requests you have and know that we will be praying for you.
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Besides our children’s decision to follow Jesus, the most important decision they will make is whom to marry.
As a parent of five grown children, I want to encourage you to discuss this subject with your children. As many mistakes as we made, my wife and I found that the best place to have these discussions was at the dinner table, where we gathered at least four times a week. We also found that the best time to teach our children was earlier rather than later. Parents will want to start discussing these matters by the time their children enter puberty, and continue the discussion regularly. My wife and I regularly discussed about seven marriage principles with our children. There are more, but these are a good starting place.
The multigenerational implications are huge. Despite the importance of this decision, however, some parents are more concerned about their childrens’ grades or athletic performance. They spend more time talking about how to get into the right college than about how to pick a future spouse. But whom your children marry may affect eternal destinies: their own, their spouses, your grandchildren, and your greatgrandchildren. River Region’s Journey
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Prefer singleness to an unwise marriage. Most couples today (if their marriages survive) live together for fifty to seventy years. 18
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That is a long time. When a couple builds their union around Christ, that union has the potential to be sweet and wonderful. When one or both build it around something else, however, the prognosis is not so positive. Therefore, parents can teach their children to follow two key precepts. First, unless God gives you the desire to remain single for kingdom-related reasons, pursue marriage. Marriage is the normal, biblical pattern for adults. But second, pursue marriage carefully and with wisdom. It is better to remain single than to enter unwisely into marriage.
Marry to go deeper with Christ.
Second, teach them to marry to go deeper with Christ. God instructs his children to marry fellow believers only (Deuteronomy 7:3; 1 Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14). This rule is an absolute — no exceptions. Here are some helpful questions to ask: Can your prospective spouse articulate the Gospel? Does he believe it, and delight in it? Does his life revolve around Christ, or does it revolve around something else? Is Christ enthroned in the center of her life? Would marriage to this person manifestly draw me closer to Christ or subtly away from him? We want the effect of our union, whether after fifty years together or five, to be more faith, more obedience, more Christlikeness, and more need for and dependence upon the Holy Spirit. Don’t marry anyone who will not help you go there.
Marry a potential best friend. Don’t marry a beautiful face or a young man’s future career success. I am not saying these things don’t matter, but they are secondary. Marriage means decades together. It is more important to marry someone with whom you enjoy and share common interests, hobbies, and passions. The beautiful body will quickly fade. Career success will mean nothing if at age fifty you don’t share the deepest intimacy around a common commitment to Christ. Focus on the vows. Remind your children, especially your daughters, that the wedding is not about the flowers, the music, the wedding dress, the guest list, and the honeymoon. It is about the vows. Weddings are the recitation of vows in the presence of witnesses. Everything else accompanies the vows. And the most important witness is the holy, omniscient, and almighty Judge — a Judge who hates when people break vows because they have become costly. Before I perform any marriage, I remind the couple of this truth. I encourage them to read their vows together and count the cost. Weddings are not a time for flippancy but for the joy of Psalm 2:11: “Rejoice with trembling.” Weddings are a time to fear God, to share in a sense of sobriety as the couple takes their vows.
Prepare to burn your bridges.
Wedding vows mean marriage is for life — “till death do us part.” When Christians marry, they burn their bridges so that there is no going back. Why? Christ’s love is covenantal. He has promised to “never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). He “swears to his own hurt and does not change” (Psalm 15:4). Christians marry to live out God’s covenant love in front of their children and the world. Therefore, there is no getting out of the relationship because “we don’t love each other anymore,” or “we’ve grown apart,” or “he just doesn’t get me.” I am thankful that both my parents and my wife’s parents impressed this upon us in our youth. We approached our wedding deeply sobered.
Don’t marry someone to change him. My wife’s father raised her with this
excellent advice: don’t marry someone to change him. For example, “He doesn’t pick up after himself, but I know he’ll change.” “She talks too much, but I know she will change.” “She wants to devote her life to a career and not have children, but I know I can change her mind.” “He’s not attentive to me, but I know he’ll change after a few years together.” Why is marrying others to change them a mistake? Because it is very unlikely that they will change, and if they don’t, you are still married for life. Instead, marry with the full knowledge of your future spouse’s weaknesses and failings but determined to love and forgive even if he never changes. If you can’t do that, don’t marry the person.
Expect to be sanctified. Lastly, remind your children regularly that marriage is about more than love. It is about sanctification. I would estimate that, since marriage, about 80 percent of my sanctification has come through my relationship with my wife. To paraphrase author Gary Thomas, God is more interested in our holiness than our merely earthly happiness, and he will use our marriage to provoke us to that (happy) holiness. The two people who say “I do” are always sinners, and that means inevitable conflict. There will be seasons of suffering and painful growth. Learning to serve another sinner will put a spotlight on your own faults and sins. I thank God for the struggles we have experienced.
William Farley is a retired pastor and church planter. He and his wife, Judy, have five children and twenty-two grandchildren. They live in Spokane, Washington. He is the author of seven books, including Gospel-Powered Parenting. You can read more of his writing at his website. 19
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by Kimberley Carter Spivey
There’s something about a new year that brings a refreshing ting of nostalgia...and, this year, a new decade! You can’t help but wonder about all the beautiful possibilities the beginning of a new year and decade will bring. A new year comes with a new season, new engagements, new fashion trends and decor, and new weddings with couples pledging their love for each other while saying, “I do.” If you’re looking to tie the knot in 2020, there’s no better time to make a beautiful statement with vibrant colors, bold attire, creative florals, and breathtaking decor, all while creating an unforgettable experience for you and the one you love. As we say goodbye to 2019 and everything we witnessed in enchanted weddings this past year—they will not be forgotten. Bold and nonconventional statements were made, from colored wedding gowns, mismatched bridesmaid dresses, pampas grass, and rustic decor, to adorable pups taking part in wedding celebrations. So, while we’re not entirely ready to bid farewell to 2019, we realize it’s time to lean into 2020 with tips and trends that will make your wedding the talk of the season, year, and decade.
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We called on one of the industry’s top wedding planners, Mary Sanders, owner and creative designer of Mary Me Brides, based out of Montgomery, to ask what she expects to see in the new year from brides. Mary happily shares, “Bold colors will be making their way into wedding design. Especially, pairing the blue shades, with Pantone announcing the color of the year as classic blue. Brides don’t have to be afraid of having bold colors and patterns in the wedding day design. Small weddings with a close-knit guest list are becoming a trend for brides, allowing them the freedom to pull out all the bells and whistles for a smaller headcount, which narrows down the guest list for an intimate wedding. Also, the optional videographer is becoming more and more of a standard thing, rather than a splurge. And dramatic and elaborate engagement photo sessions are making a statement in wedding photography, with dramatic outfits, locations, and props.” If you’ve always dreamt of wearing a stunning white gown on your wedding day, it’s no secret that it will be one of the most special and memorable moments in your life. Weddings are very personal, and there is no one wedding that fits all. Everyone will desire something distinctive, be it a dress, music, catering, or styling of flowers. Though being a blushing bride-to-be is exciting, understandably, the planning process can be overwhelming. That’s why we’ve offered some of the best trends of 2020.
Wedding Decor: It’s no secret that decor is one of the wed-
ding’s biggest focal points. It captivates guests as they arrive and makes the ceremony an unforgettable visual experience. No longer are couples concerned about wedding details being “too much”—they’re embracing the wow factor like never before. Whether it’s a stunning white gown with lavish embellishments, ruffles, or one-shoulder neckline or hanging floral centerpieces over dining tables, and dip-dye petals, don’t be afraid to take your wedding details to the next level. Giving your wedding that personal style makes it exclusive to your liking. From giant balloons to elegant floral arches to giant lights, these are fun ways to add a pop of color into the decor mix.
Wedding Dresses: Believe it or not, puffy sleeves and floral
prints are making a comeback from the 80’s. If you love the detail of puffy sleeves on a wedding dress but are worried it makes too bold of a statement, opt for a slim silhouette while keeping
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your accessories simple. Floral print has always been popular in bridal fashion, but this year, it’s all about bold floral print gowns. If brides are looking to blend color into their bridal look, this stunning trend is classy and fashion-forward.
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Bold Colors: Gone are the days of basic color palettes like the standard white, blush pink, and neutrals. And if you’re ready to say goodbye to pastel wedding colors, you’re in for a treat this year because bold colors are back and better than ever. If fun tones speak to your personality, mixed tones with print, greenery, coral, or amethyst might be ideal for your big day. Go for it and showcase your favorite hues in a big way. To create daring and unique surprises at your wedding, incorporate your favorite colors in unexpected places like the glassware, napkins, and chairs. The Statement Veil: The modern wedding has evolved within the last decade, but there is something uniquely romantic and timeless about a veil. Brides recognize the significance of a wedding veil and are seeing the value in an heirloom piece to pass down, or simply display in their home. Not only that, they can be personalized with imagery, messages, monograms, and dates. Barrettes and Combs: The best thing about a hair accessory is that it truly ties your bridal look together. If you’re looking for a chic, girly style, look no further than the perfect hair accessory to compliment your gown. Veils will always be a classic touch intertwined with tradition, and they’re not going anywhere—but barrettes and combs are making their way into 2020 with a sweet and striking look. A floral wreath, rhinestones, pearl beads, and metal enamel flowers will give you a super sleek and romantic look while leaving a lasting impression this season. Whether you choose a traditional, rustic, vintage, or modern wedding, these tips and trends will help you prepare for your special day. And remember, there’s no one size fits all for weddings. It’s about making your ceremony memorable and unique—a reflection of you.
Kimberley Carter Spivey is a freelance writer, blogger, educator, and entrepreneur. When she’s not working at her alma mater, Auburn University at Montgomery, she’s busy freelancing, blogging, or toiling away at her soon to be published first book.
River Region’s Journey
February 2020
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Claire & Patrick Cleveland Sharing Advice for Before and After Your Wedding Many couples spend the majority of their engagement months planning for the “wedding” with little planning for the actual “marriage”. How did the two of you prepare for marriage so that it could start off on the right foot and grow even better with time? We were both blessed to grow up in Christian homes with great examples of Christian marriage. We turned to both sets of parents for wisdom and advice. We were able to sit down several times with both sets of parents during our engagement to ask important questions. It really strengthened our relationships with our parents and with each other. We also went to premarital counseling at Claire’s parents’ church, Trinity Presbyterian. We worked through a book on marriage and were able to talk through things that come up in marriage. We highly recommend doing that! We met with Jay Wolf, who helped officiate our wedding. It was such a special time of prayer and preparation for our upcoming marriage.
When and where were you two married? What are your fondest memories of your wedding and the days leading up to it? We were married on May 18, 2019 at First Baptist Church Montgomery, where we first met six years ago! The days leading up to our wedding were filled with expected chaos, but we both got to spend a lot of uninterrupted time with our individual families. We experienced the body of Christ come to life as family and friends rallied around us to make our wedding day amazing. The day of the wedding was more than we could have asked for. From getting ready with our friends, experiencing the ceremony together, and the beautiful reception, it was an unforgettable day. Patrick’s father married us in the sanctuary where his own parents and his daughter and son-in-law were married, which made the ceremony even more memorable. The reception was held at Claire’s parents’ home where she grew up. It was transformed into a stunning backdrop for all of our family and friends to celebrate with us. Our wedding day was the best day of our lives and it was filled with so much peace and joy that can only come from the Lord. River Region’s Journey
February 2020
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The first thing we would tell couples is to get into marriage counseling! Premarital counseling is ideal because it truly does prepare you for married life. Counseling prepared us more than we thought it would and we still talk about topics from our meetings to stay on the same page. We also want to encourage couples to completely give their relationship to the Lord. He promises to never leave us or forsake us, so believe Him. Life is hard and marriage can be hard. When it does get hard, go to God’s word together, get on your knees and give your worries to Him. Nothing will draw you closer than spending time together with the One who created you and knows exactly what you need!
As you seek to honor Christ above all else, how would you say that focus helps you have a right attitude toward your new spouse? By God’s grace, we recognize that we are both sinners in need of forgiveness and grace. We also know that we are selfish by nature. But Christ, in His word, calls us to put others first and serve one another. That is only possible with His help. Therefore, we try to spend time each day reading God’s word, praying and seeking the Lord’s help to love each other the way Christ loves us, unconditionally. Communicating and trying to see things from the other’s perspective has helped us work through hardships and disagreements in a more loving way. Jesus said in John 14: 23, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word.” In His word, he tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church and for wives to submit to their husbands as the heads of the house. That is not a suggestion, but a command, so we try to keep that in mind each day.
What advice would you give engaged or newly married couples to help them prepare for marriage and to help them grow in oneness after their wedding day?
Photos (inlcuding cover photo) by Brooke Glassford, Colorbox Photographers.
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No one knew it, but I felt like a failure. God was blessing our ministry and marriage. People seemed to like us. And we certainly liked each other. We both had a growing relationship with Christ, but my wife and I didn’t read the Bible or pray together. Jesus was — and is — everything to us, but we couldn’t seem to freely share his work in us with each other. The questions kept nagging me. What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with us? It’s supposed to be easier than this, isn’t it? Can you identify? Maybe you want to pray or read the Bible more with your husband, but he resists. Perhaps you wish you could share your deepest struggles and passions with your wife, but she doesn’t really want to go there. Or maybe you feel like some kind of invisible wall divides you. Without true spiritual intimacy, our marriages will flounder. I know firsthand how challenging it can be to intentionally pursue spiritual intimacy with your spouse, but God designed our marriages to deepen our joy in him as we dig into the goodness of the gospel with our most precious partner.
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Marriage Pictures the Gospel
Ephesians 5:31 reiterates that, from the beginning, God made husbands and wives to be one. Paul quotes from Genesis 2:24, the time of the first marriage, to illustrate God’s good design across the ages: “A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Then he lets us know what our marriages are really all about: reflecting Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32). God wants our unions to be a living, breathing reflection of the gospel. To the degree that we are spiritually intimate, we will experience and testify about God’s love for us in Christ to a watching world.
Yearn for Oneness
Some of us experienced difficult family dynamics growing up, and we don’t observe many spiritually intimate marriages. Even if we do come across a model couple, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to spiritual intimacy. Growing children and growing responsibilities can sap our energy. Social media creates unrealistic expectations of marital bliss. And our “adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion,” ready to deaden and devour our marriages (1 Peter 5:8). We bring our own pathology too. After the first husband and wife fell for Satan’s lies, they experienced a lethal disruption in their intimacy. They hid their bodies from each other (Genesis 3:7), and Adam abdicated his responsibility — both to God and to Eve. “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate” (Genesis 3:12).
Oddly, there is a world of hope here. If you find it difficult to consistently connect spiritually with your spouse, you’re completely normal. You’re yearning for the oneness God created us for, but our broken, fallen world won’t fully allow it. So, how can we begin to move our marriages toward the intimacy God designed them for?
1. Keep an open heart.
When we don’t experience the spiritual closeness we hope for, it’s all too easy to close off our hearts and shut down. Instead, acknowledge the hurt, and cry out to God with your disappointment: “With my voice I cry out
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spouse in on a failure becomes natural and fosters spiritual closeness.
to the Lord; with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord. I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him. (Psalm 142:1–2). Even if your spouse doesn’t change, you will remain soft and open to Christ.
5. Choose something to do together. Spiritual intimacy is far more than a list of to-dos like reading the Bible or praying together, but our marriages will only thrive when we hear God’s voice and have his ear together. Make a plan to pursue God together that you’re both comfortable with and get started.
2. Pursue Jesus more than your marriage. Even a great marriage is “loss” in compari-
son with “the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus [our] Lord” (Philippians 3:8). When we treasure Jesus above our spouse, we become the sort of person our spouse will want to draw close to. As John Piper has said, If your marriage is going to make God look glorious, then you must find more satisfaction in God than in your marriage.
6. Be patient and persistent.
We should expect some failures and setbacks. My wife and I have restarted an audio course on the gospel three times as we struggle with old fears and a full schedule. But there’s always hope for a new beginning because God’s mercies and faithfulness for your marriage truly “never come to an end” (Lamentations 3:22–23).
3. Replace things that kill spiritual intimacy. We all have attitudes and habits that
Press on to Know Him More
get in the way of intimacy. For example, I tend to get stressed and power through interruptions without asking God if they’re actually from him. This makes my wife want to run. Paul calls us to put off destructive patterns like this and put on new ones that reflect who we are in Christ (Ephesians 4:22–24). So, I’m learning to ask God for help to stay open to what he’s doing. As I consciously depend on God, it helps my wife and me avoid conflict and draw closer.
In the end, there’s no magic formula to develop genuine spiritual intimacy in your marriage. It’s going to require an investment of time and energy that you might not feel like you have. But a spiritually intimate marriage is worth more than whatever small sacrifices you might have to make to get there. Your wife is worth the extra effort. Your husband is worth the extra effort. Deepening your joy in Jesus together is worth anything.
4. Intentionally share your weaknesses.
Pride tempts us to hide our struggles. But when we really believe that God “saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy” (Titus 3:5), letting our
Bryan Stoudt (@bryanstoudt) is a pastor to healthcare students and professionals (with CMDA), a life coach, and a writer. After Jesus, his passions include his beautiful wife, Sharon, their four children, coffee, and running. He writes at bryanstoudt.com, where he offers a free course on preparing couples for marriage.
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Stir the Pot Winter. So many people see winter as a season to bide time until the signs of spring burst forth. One Canadian from the Yukon Territory said, “In winter, the trees appear black, even the evergreen trees. Then the rest is white; white snow on the ground, on the branches, on the roads. Even a white sky indicates more snow is to come. Winter is only black and white. It’s really quite boring.” What people experience in the physical with shorter days and longer nights, along with the drab environment, can affect their emotional and spiritual mood. We can be bored spiritually, feeling like we are going nowhere until something bursts forth in some kind of spiritual spring. God is not using the winter to have us hibernate spiritually or slumber past opportunities that are ready and waiting for us to make a difference. The Lord beckons us to stir up our spirits, our emotions, our minds, as well as our bodies so they are ready for use. An example of this kind of stirring came among the Israelites when they were in their 40-year wilderness experience. God gave Moses a design for a tabernacle, or mobile church facility where the nation could worship. The people needed to give some of their possessions to create the sanctuary. Exodus 35:21 tells us the people grabbed hold of the vision, “And they came, every one whose heart stirred him up, and every one whom his spirit made willing, [and] they brought the LORD’S offering to the work of the tabernacle of the congregation, and for all his service, and for the holy garments.” What if they had decided to wait until they came into the Promised Land? It would have meant that there would not have been a Levitical priesthood, forgiveness through sacrifices, and many other acts of love and obedience between God and His people. When I make custard from scratch, the recipe says to stir the pot continuously while the milk and other ingredients heat slowly over the stove. If I don’t keep stirring, the custard will burn and the good ingredients will be useless. It can be tiring to continue to stir, but the results are well worth it. Sometimes we
need to press past the discomfort we feel in order to create the results that we desire. To stir up in Greek and Hebrew indicates an inner, concentrated movement. In Song of Solomon 2:7 it means to “awake.” In 2 Timothy 1:6, the word stir speaks of reigniting a flame that once existed. In 2 Peter 1:13; 3:1, to stir is “to awaken from sleep or stupor.” In Acts 13:50, to stir means “to urge on” while in Acts 17:13, to stir is “to shake to and fro.” Do you need to awake from a mental sleep or an emotional stupor? Do you need to restart a flame you once had for the things of God? Maybe you need to shake up your world just a bit. The New Testament gives us specific encouragement to understand the results of stirring our spiritual pot. First, we must be faithful to the gifts that God has given to us. 2 Timothy 1:6 says, “Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands.” What gifts are you currently using to further the kingdom of God? What gifts might you have laid aside for a time that you need to start working with again? Stirring our pot does not just help us, but it affects those around us. Hebrews 10:24 tells us, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.” A contagious spirit can create life out of contention and joy during stress. Helping others stir their pots can pay 29
it forward again and again to a multitude of people. To stir our spiritual gifts can become a sign for those we love who still have not responded to the Gospel. Matthew 5:16 declares, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” You are being watched, even though you may not realize it. What do people see in you? Is your life a testimony without any words? Don’t let your wonderful ingredients (gifts) become useless. From now until the first signs of spring, make it a practice to daily stir your pot with all the good things God has given to you. If you do, you may find a beautiful “spring” in the middle of winter.
February 2020
River Region’s Journey
Understanding Eating Disorders While in the eighth grade and with an overweight father, Jenny Nelson saw a path she didn’t want to take. So, she lost a few pounds and received praise for it from friends. The praise was all it took, and she soon found herself both anorexic and at times, bulimic – “I was successful at it, but didn’t like it” she said of the bulimia – dropping her weight to 87 pounds when she was 15 years old. But it was after she took about two dozen Tylenol a year later, almost losing her life, that she turned things around. To this day, the now 45-year-old Prattville resident doesn’t step on a scale, gauging her weight only by how her clothes feel. Eating Disorders Awareness Week is Feb. 24 through March 1. Eating disorders are serious and sometimes fatal illnesses that cause severe disturbances to a person’s eating behaviors, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Obsessions with food, body weight, and shape may also signal an eating disorder, with common eating disorders including binge eating disorder, bulimia nervosa, and, less common but very serious, anorexia nervosa, according to the NIMH. “I was hospitalized for anorexia when I was a teenager,” said Nelson, recalling the Tylenol she took one night when she ate some popcorn her family received as River Region’s Journey
February 2020
a Christmas gift – and that she was having a hard time throwing up. Nelson hoped something from the bathroom cabinet would help. “I had been anorexic for about nine months or a year,” she said. “I was eating cereal bran flakes three times a day … that was my food of choice. My parents didn’t notice it because I ate a bowl of cereal in the morning, and I would scatter food around if they served it. “Anorexics are really good at hiding it.” At least 30 million Americans suffer from an eating disorder in their lifetime, according to the Eating Disorders Coalition, with eating disorders ranked the third most common chronic illness among adolescent females. “It is the most fatal of all mental illnesses,” said Christy Holding, licensed professional counselor with Samaritan Counseling Center. “The scary thing is the primary risk factor is going on a diet. Kids in second and third grade are already talking about diet and weight.” Every 62 minutes at least one person dies as a direct result from an eating disorder, with anorexia having the highest mortality rate of all mental disorders, with a mortality rate of five percent per decade, according to the Eating Disorders Coalition. Young people ages 15-24 years old with anorexia have 10 times the risk of dying compared to their same-age peers. Eating disorders can be successfully and fully treated, but unfortunately, only about one-third of people with an eating disorder ever receive treatment – and among adolescents with an eating disor30
der, fewer than one in five have received treatment, according to the coalition. Holding encourages conversation, “The less amount of time your brain is able to marinate this way of thinking, then the better chances of recovery,” she said. “Early intervention is key.” She stresses to parents to not discuss dieting in front of their children, or about hating their body or different body parts. “If you notice your child – 90 percent of it is girls – is starting to lose weight or becomes picky with their food, have a talk about it,” she said. “Most, about 70 percent, of eating disorders have an underlying illness such as anxiety and depression. So, food also becomes a way of managing your emotions. It’s very multifactual.” When Nelson ended up in the hospital after taking the Tylenol, doctors didn’t think she would live. “People started praying,” she said. “It was a lot of prayer. I was 16 years old, and that was kind of the turning point. At that point, I had to work with doctors to try and get better, because it was ‘out’ that I had an eating disorder. “We had to get the family involved. We were at a family group session, and I remember a psychologist looked at me and said, ‘Don’t you know you should have died?’ And I think that was a turning point to me to know I had a real problem.” Kym Klass is the author of “One More Day: a powerful true story of suicide, loss, and a woman’s newfound faith,” published by Hilltop30 Publishing Group. She serves on the Samaritan Counseling Center board of directors, and also the state board of the National Alliance of Mental Illness. She has a BA degree in Communication/Print Journalism and a minor in Psychology from Southwest Texas State University. She is a 20-year veteran newspaper reporter, having covered health and wellness in the River Region for a decade. She can be reached at kymklass@ gmail.com. Her website is www.kymklass.com.
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February 2020
River Region’s Journey
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Adoption
Location: Vaughn Forest Church, 8660 Vaughn Road, Montgomery APAC, Alabama Pre/ Post Adoption Connection Support Group: This group provides education and social interaction for adoptive families. Meets 3rd Tuesdays, 6-7:30 p.m. For more information call Jill Sexton at 409-9477.
Alcoholic / Addiction Location: Caring Center of FBC, 52 Adams Avenue CrossRoads Support Group is for addicts/alcoholics and family members. Meets at 6 p.m. Tuesdays and follows a Christ-centered 12-step program. Call 264-4949. Location: Dalraida United Methodist Church 3817 Atlanta Highway, Montgomery An Alanon meeting is held at 9 am on Saturday mornings. Call 272.2190 for details.
River Region’s Journey
February 2020
Location: Grace Presbyterian Church, Corner of Bell Road and Atlanta Hwy. Alcoholics Anonymous and Alanon meetings are held Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, at 6 p.m. An Open AA Speaker meeting is held on Saturday at 6 p.m. An Alanon & AA held on Sundays at 2 p.m. Location: Grace Point Community Church, 78223 Tallassee Hwy (Hwy 14), Wetumpka Celebrate Recovery- every Tuesday night- 6:15pm. All are welcome! These meetings are a safe and loving environment for individuals seeking to conquer their hurts, habits and hang-ups! gracepoint.info. Location: Heritage Baptist Church 1849 Perry Hill Rd, Montgomery, AL Route1520 is a Christ-centered recovery movement dedicated to showing the way home for men impacted by sex and pornography addiction. Meets: Mondays, 6:30 – 8:00 PM CST. No Childcare Provided. Email montgomery@route1520.com, visit http://www.route1520.com/ men/groups-for-men/ or call 877.200.1520. Location: Journey Church, 435 Sheila Blvd, Prattville Celebrate Recovery - Christ-centered 12-step for
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anyone struggling with addiction or life-challenging issues. Mondays beginning at 6:15 pm. Childcare available. Call John Pearse at 303-243-4308 or visit myjourneychurch.com. Location: Landmark Church, 1800 Halcyon Blvd. RSVP- This is a 12 step spiritual recovery program for overcoming addictions. Using the steps and Bible we help build self-esteem, responsible behavior, the making of amends for our destructive actions, and to fill the void in our hearts in a loving relationship with God. Wednesday @ 6:30pm in Rm. 121 of the Life Center. Location: Prattville Church of Christ, 344 E Main St. CASA - 12 step (Christians Against Substance Abuse) spiritual recovery program, for overcoming addictions. Class begins each Wednesday evening @6:30 PM. Please call 334-365-4201 for additional information.
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Location: St. James UMC, 9045 Vaughn Road Celebrate Recovery meets every Thursday night from 6-8 pm in the Youth Room. This is a Christ-centered 12-step group for anyone struggling with an “addiction or life-challenging issues.” For information, call Chris Henderson at 334-215-0427.
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Location: First United Methodist Church, Wetumpka 306 W. Tuskeena Street ‘Fresh Start’ Recovery meets every Thursday, 6-8pm (meal included). In 2011, Fresh Start Motorcycle Ministry (FSMM) began when God laid it on the heart of a lifetime biker to minister to those with his background. All are welcome, not a requirement to own/ride a motorcycle. For any information contact ministry leader, Paul Henderson, 334-201-5428. Location: Trinity Presbyterian Church, 1728 S. Hull Street, Montgomery Route1520 is a Christ-centered recovery movement dedicated to showing the way home for men impacted by sex and pornography addiction. Meets Wednesday from 6:30-8 pm. For more information email riverregion@ route1520.com, visit http:// www.route1520.com/men/ groups-for-men or call 877-2000-1520.
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Alzheimer’s / Dementia
Location: First UMC, 2416 W. Cloverdale Park, An Adult Parkinson/Alzheimer’s respite ministry meets from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Lunch is served. Contact Daphne at 834-8990.
Location: Aldersgate UMC, 6610 Vaughn Rd Cancer Survivors Support Group is sponsored by Samaritan Counseling Center. We would love to have anyone (patient or family member ) join us. Thursdays at 1 pm. Please call before attending just to make sure we are meeting that week. Please call Debbie D at 467-4578 or Ben W at 202-1912. Location: ChristChurch, 8800 Vaughn Road Cancer Support Group for general cancer. Tuesday afternoons at 1 pm. For more info, please call Christy Holding at 531-1390 or Debbie at 467-4578. Location: Frazer UMC, 6000 Atlanta Hwy. Central Alabama Multiple Myeloma Support Group meets from 10 a.m. to noon the second Saturday of every month in Room 3105. We have guest speakers, video presentations, printed information and a group that welcomes sharing their journey with myeloma in an informal setting. Refreshments are provided. Contact Joe Crowley at 334-207-4385 or jpcrowl46@ yahoo.com Location: Frazer Memorial UMC, 6000 Atlanta Hwy. Location: Frazer Memorial UMC, 6000 Atlanta Hwy. Women of Hope Breast Cancer Support Group, providing education, awareness, and mentoring for breast cancer patients/survivors, family and friends, meets the 2nd Tuesday of each month at 5:30 p.m. in Room 8114. Call 220-4599 or e-mail womenofhope@charter.net
Divorce
Location: Frazer Memorial UMC, 6000 Atlanta Hwy An Alzheimer’s and Dementia Caregivers’ Support Group meets on the first Thursday of each month at 10:30 a.m. in Room 3103. Call 495-6350 for more information.
Location: First Baptist Church, 305 S. Perry Street Divorce Care Wednesday nights @6:30-8:00 pm in Room 405B. Child care is available. Contact Kathy
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Cooper at 241-5125 for information. Location: Frazer Memorial UMC, 6000 Atlanta Hwy Divorce Care meets each Tuesday from 6 – 7:30 p.m. Come to the Library area. This group will provide support & guidance to assist you in working through the issues, pain & pressures surrounding divorce. Call 495-6350 or e-mail jan@frazerumc.org.
Gambling Location: Cedarwood Community Church, 10286 US HWY 231 in the Wallsboro/Wetumpka community. The church is 1 1/2 miles past Tutweiler prison. Gamblers Anonymous, Saturdays at 6 pm. and Mondays at 6:30 pm. Call 567-0476. Location: Mental Health of America, 1116 South Hull Street, Montgomery. Sundays @ 5 pm. For more information about the GA meetings call 334-399-6918. For information about counseling services or to request a guest speaker please call the Alabama Council on Compulsive Gambling at 334-277-5100.
• Riding - English, Western, and Jumping • Swimming • Heated Pool • Ropes Course • Climbing Tower • Outdoor Nature Skills • Sports • Soccer • Basketball
award-winning, n a n o t u o s is m Don’t mp for your ca d re te n ce ts ri Ch mmer! daughter this Su On Top of Lookout Mountain in Historic Mentone, Alabama
Best of Parenting WINNER 10
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Susan & Larry Hooks, Owners & Directors Donna Bares, Assistant Director
800-882-0722 www.riverviewcamp.com 33
• Beach Volleyball • Tennis • Canoeing • Golf • Archery • Gymnastics • Cheerleading • Dance • Chorus • Drama • Arts & Crafts • CIT Program • Campfires every night • Optional trips & more!
REGISTER ONLINE TODAY! Choose from 1- and 2-week Sessions and Mother-Daughter Weekends! February 2020
River Region’s Journey
Grief Location: Cornerstone Christian Church, 301 Dalraida Road River Region Survivors of Suicide meets on the second and fourth Thursday of every month (excluding holidays) from 6:30-8:00 PM. This is an open group for those who have lost a loved one to suicide and welcomes anyone regardless of their religious beliefs. Contact Cheryl Vinson at riverregionsos@gmail.com with questions or for more information. Location: Eastmont Baptist, 4505 Atlanta Hwy. Compassionate Friends is a national self-help support organization for families grieving the death of a child meeting first Tuesdays at 7 pm. Call (334) 284-2721 for info. Location: First UMC, 100 E. Fourth St, Prattville Grief Share, Wednesday evenings at 6 pm in the church parlor. Led by Michael Beatty. Call 3655977. Location: Frazer UMC, 6000 Atlanta Hwy Grief Recovery Support Group meets Tuesdays at 5:30 p.m., Rm 3105. Call 495-6350 for more info. Location: Grace Baptist Church, 304 Old Montgomery Highway, Wetumpka Mourning to Morning is a Christian growth group
for mothers who have lost a child, from before birth through adulthood. Meets the last Thursday night of each month. For info, contact Alice Scarborough (334) 462-4775 or Gwen Ellis (334) 567-8754 or e-mail mourningtomorning@gmail. com. Join us on Facebook. Location: Millbrook FUMC, 3350 Edgewood Rd Grief Share meets Sundays from 5-7 p.m. For more information or to sign up, please call the church office at 285-4114 or email churchoffice@ mfumc.org. Location: Pilgrim Rest Missionary Baptist Church 1550 E. Washington Street Grief support group meets every Monday at 6:00 P.M- 7:00 P.M. For additional information, please contact Alice Glover at (334)281-2754.
Mental Health Location: Frazer Memorial UMC, 6000 Atlanta Hwy Mental Health - NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) meets 2nd Monday of each month from 6:30 – 8:30 pm in Room 7205. Group provides understanding, education & information to family members & friends of those who suffer mental illness, Call Pat Cobb at 334-2798331 for more info. NAMI Connection Support Group for individuals with mental illness meets every Thursday evening, 6:30 – 7:30 pm, room 3104. Call Pat Cobb at 334-279-8331 for more information.
Parenting Location: First Baptist Prattville, 138 S. Washington Moms LIFE (Living In Faith Everyday) meets twice monthly from 8:30 - 11:45 am in the chapel at the Church from Aug - May. We offer a time of fellowship, Bible study, musical guest, special guest speakers and a lot of fun!! Cost is $5 per meeting. For moms of all stages and ages of life. Childcare provided by reservation. Call April Scott at 828-446-6666. Location: First Baptist Church, 305 S. Perry Street MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) is a place you can share a good meal, make new friends, and find encouragement as you face the everyday challenges of raising your little ones. We have educational speakers, great conversation, and fun activities. Free childcare is provided. Meetings are every 2nd and 4th Tuesdays, 9:30-11:30 a.m., September through May. Contact Tiffany Alewine at 241-5165. Location: Frazer Memorial UMC, 6000 Atlanta Hwy Frazer mom2mom is a playgroup to connect mothers of ages birth to 5 at Frazer UMC to share fun and inspiration in our journey together, with our children, and with Christ. Email Mom2mom@ frazerumc.org for more information.
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February 2020
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Location: Landmark Church, 1800 Halcyon Blvd. Single Moms Support Group, Wednesday nights at 6:30 p.m. in classroom 118. For information call 277-5800. Location: Perry Hill UMC, 910 Perry Hill Road Single Moms’ Care and Support Group meets 2nd and 4th Thursdays from 6:15 - 8:00 PM. December meeting will be on the 11th. Free snack supper provided to moms and children. Child care for infants -16 years. Call 272-3174. Location: Redland Baptist, 1266 Dozier Rd, Wetumpka A MOPS group will be held 1st and 3rd Tuesday’s of every month during the school year, and has scheduled play dates and moms nights out through the summer and beyond. While moms are in a MOPS meeting, their children are lovingly cared for in the MOPPETS program. Email Denise Braswell at deniseorscott@yahoo.com. Location: St.James UMC, 9045 Vauhgn Road Moms in Prayer International: This is a Christ centered interdenominational prayer ministry made up of moms, grandmothers, aunts or any woman who wants to gathers to pray for their children and schools. Meets every Sunday afternoon from 3:004:00. Call Annette Jones for more information on joining us or training to start your own group. 850529-4730 or email Montgomerymipac@gmail.com
Physical Challenges Location: Aldersgate UMC, 6610 Vaughn Road Visually Impaired Support Group – Meets monthly on second Thursday 1:00 – 2:30 p.m. The group is called Outward Sight - Inward Vision and is for those with vision loss and their caregivers. Our mission is to assist those experiencing vision loss to maintain their independence. Call 272-6152. Location: Frazer Memorial UMC, 6000 Atlanta Hwy. Parkinson’s Support meets 4th Thursdays at 6 pm in Room 8114. Call 495-6350 for more info. Location: Frazer Memorial UMC, 6000 Atlanta Hwy. Ostomy Support meets every other month on the 2nd Sunday at 1:30 p.m. in room 3101. In 2018: Feb., April, June, Aug., Oct., Dec. Call 495-6350 for more info. Location: Vaughn Park Church, 3800 Vaughn Rd. Montgomery Area Down Syndrome Outreach Group meets 2nd Friday of each month from 6:308 PM. We have activities, speakers and special events throughout the year for the parents, siblings and children with Down Syndrome. Childcare is provided. Please visit www.montgomeryareadownsyndrome.com or our Facebook page (MADSOG) for information. Please contact MADSOG at montgomeryareadownsyndrome@gmail.com.
Send support group info to deanne@readjourneymagazine.com 35
February 2020
River Region’s Journey
Starting Off on the Right Path Together
Q. I’m getting married next summer. My fiancé and I are in agreement about how to handle money, and we both follow your plan. Do you recommend premarital counseling? If so, what do you feel are some of the important areas of agreement for couples before they get married? A. Congratulations! I’m glad you’re both on the same page with your finances, too. I’ve worked with thousands of couples and numerous marriage counselors over the years. In that time, I’ve learned fights over money—and the resulting problems from those disagreements—are probably the biggest cause of divorce in America. In my opinion, in-depth pre-marital counseling is an absolute must. The idea of entering into something that’s supposed to be a lifelong commitment, without thoroughly
River Region’s Journey
February 2020
addressing all the issues—and potential issues—is a really bad idea. With that said, it’s been my experience that couples have a high probability of a successful marriage if they agree on four things, in detail, before the big day—kids, money, religion, and in-laws. With kids, the big question is do you want them? If so, how many and when? Are you going to let them run wild, or are you going to provide structure and make them behave? When it comes to money, something it sounds like you two are already in agreement on, get all your cards out on the table, and construct an intelligent game plan for your finances that you both agree on. Staying away from
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debt, living on a written, monthly budget, and saving for the future are important parts of this. Also, be in agreement on religion. Statistically speaking, two people from the same faith have a better chance of making a marriage work. And finally, when it comes to your future inlaws, you need to learn who they are and what you’re getting into. What are they really like? What are the boundaries when it comes to their influence on your lives? All these topics should be discussed at length, dealt with, and agreed upon before the rings are exchanged.
We Won't Be Whole Without You! worship 8:45 & 11 am
watch live
First United Methodist Church is a community of faith that is committed to loving God and loving people. Our mission is to make disciples of Christ for the transformation of the world, and we invite all people to come as you are and join us as we build His kingdom!
2416 West Cloverdale Park | Montgomery, Alabama | 36106
fumcmontgomery.org
(334) 834-8990
@fumcmontgomery
2020 GLOBAL MISSIONS CELEBRAT ION
Join us as we host missionaries and church planters f rom around the world at the 2020 Global Missions Celebration and the Pursue Collegiate Conference.
February 19-23
www.globalmissionscelebration.com
Guest Speakers Include: Danny Wood Shades Mountain Baptist Church
Paul Chitwood International Mission Board
Jay & Katherine Wolf Hope Heals
Nathan Shank International Mission Board
Gordon Fort International Mission Board
305 South Perry Street | Montgomery, AL 36104 334.834.6310 | www.montgomeryfbc.org