SHE BOSS

YOU ARE ENOUGH. DATING LIKE A SHE BOSS

BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY DR JESS GERMANO - FOKIN

DISCOVER + ENHANCE YOUR DATING PROFILE + STYLE

Ok, let’s be real…the dating scene these days is no easy endeavor to take on. When dating is tough, it can feel like a game that we don’t know how to play. We get caught up in our heads about anything from “What should I say?”, “How should I respond?”, “Is it too soon to respond?”, “Will I seem desperate?”, “Will I scare them away?”, “Why is he/she/they not responding?” to “Do I need to put out on the first date?”, to name a few. Sound familiar???

This can lead to feeling like a fulltime job that is exhausting, daunting, distressing, and maybe even depressing. I always emphasize to my patients + clients, “Don’t play the game or the game will play you!”. When navigating the dating scene, we can get so caught up in our heads that it takes us out of our authentic self and really starts to distort who we truly want to be or show who we are to that person we might be really interested in dating. Furthermore, this can then create pressures within the self and dating dynamic and thus, take away from the pleasures of truly getting to know one another. Early stages of dating are about discovery, education, experiences, and truly building a connection.

To help with getting out of your head + enhance dating, I emphasize the importance of activating + engaging in the Power of Play + Pleasure, but first you must know what are YOUR pleasures + playfulness? By focusing on these key areas, we can revel in un-gamified playfulness + pleasure by increasing your awareness + confidence, and hopefully resulting in decreasing the pressures of “Who should I be?” or “What should I do?”. I want you to do YOU by being your authentic self.

Some key tips for doing this include: ● Doing some self-reflection prior to getting into the dating scene. Truly knowing who you are + what are your preferences, desires, wants, needs and so on. If you don’t know + love yourself first, you can’t possibly be able to help someone else understand who you are, or truly allow someone to enter into your “personal space” with respect + integrity.

● Do your homework of what might be your preferences with a real + rational potential partner, not your “ideal” fairytale or fantasy partner that might be hindering your dating style with unrealistic expectations. Now, don’t get me wrong, I want you to Do YOU, but you also need to be aware of when you might be “blocking” potential opportunities to get to know someone who might turn out to be a great person + partner because you are too deep in your fantasies or expectations. ● On the flip side of my prior point, you do need to be aware of what you are looking for in a healthy relational dynamic. I always emphasize, “If you don’t know where you are going, any path will do!”. This applies to dating + relationships, too. You don’t want to be in a place of the unknown that could lead you down an unhealthy path or feel like you are settling. This might seem fulfilling in the short term, but can end up leading to an unhealthy sense of self and/or relational space long term.

● Pay attention to the red flags in the beginning. These can be those gut feelings you get when being exposed to something, anywhere from what someone said to how they behave. Remember…when somebody shows you who they are believe them! Those things might not change down the road, so you have to trust your gut feeling or reaction to something and do some self-reflection on why this might be coming up for you.

● Lastly, it’s so, so, so (cannot emphasize enough) important to know YOUR value + worth (and add tax), be able to have your voice, know your limits, and set healthy boundaries from the get go, as well as throughout the relationship.

Based on the aforementioned, here are some questions to reflect on to discover + enhance your “dating profile”:

“What is your idea of a “perfect” date?”

● How would you describe yourself to a potential date? How would you show your authentic self? ● What do you most enjoy about dating + the beginning of a relationship? ● What do you dread or fear about dating + the beginning of a relationship? ● What is your idea of a “perfect” date? ● What questions would you like to ask your potential partner? What

questions might you be afraid to ask?

● What are some “green flags”, “yellow flags”, “red flags” for dating + relationships? ● What are your deal breakers for dating + relationships?

For more help with discovering + enhancing your dating profile + style, you can check out my SHE Boss Collection + Coaching Platform at https://power-of-a-she-boss.teachable. com or on IG @shebossdrj. SHE Boss will empower you to be the boss of your own true self + embrace your WHOLE self, mind + body. Thank you so much for taking the time to do YOU + reflect on your dating profile + style.

Stay tuned in, in touch + turned on for more about being the boss of your own true self in dating + relationships, as well as my upcoming article on igniting that spark + turning it into a flame.

Love to all my SHE Bosses + Happy Mother’s Day Xo, Dr. J

YOU ARE ENOUGH. SAVING FOR VACATION

BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY DAWN KELLOGG

The past two years have changed the way that we travel, or even plan for travelling. Restrictions and new rules give us much more to think about and prepare for. Throughout the pandemic, many of us chose to stay closer to home for vacations, rather than travel long-distance. Where we once used to travel to visit family and friends, Zoom and Skype are now used regularly to keep us connected. But now, things globally seem to be opening up and we are travelling once again. Ideally, over the past few years, you have saved up what you would have spent on bigger vacations and can easily finance your next getaway. But what to do if you haven’t been able to save?

Here are some great tips for financing your next trip of a lifetime:

Set a budget.

It’s so easy to go overboard when you are planning for, or are on, a vacation, but it’s important to live within your means, wherever you are. Create a trip that fits your budget. Pin down the costs of airfare, hotels, and other costs, and identify potential splurges ahead of time so that you are prepared. There are so many ways to save when you travel, especially on lodging. Options like VRBO, Airbnb, and others, give you more choice and more flexibility beyond hotel walls.

Divide your projected vacation budget by the number of months you have until your vacation.

This is a great way to realistically break your vacation expenditure down so that you can save what you need. Say you are travelling to Italy in November and the cost of airfare and hotel with spending money is going to be about $3,000. There are 7 months between now and when you plan to leave, so you can set aside $430 each month to cover the costs of your trip.

Set up a special savings account. Setting up a special vacation savings account is a great way to plan financially. You can even have money automatically deposited into this account on a weekly or monthly basis. Cut back on some of your everyday expenses

It’s tempting to want to go and grab a coffee every morning on the way to work, but lattes can add up to big $$ that can be put toward your vacation. The price of everything seems to be rising these days. Consider using shopping portals or cash-back apps to make the most of your regular budget.

Look for ways to earn some more $$ in the run up to your vacation. This could mean taking a part-time job or grabbing some more hours at a job you currently have. There are so many businesses looking for workers. Now is a great time to take on a fun, part time job and save for that epic vacation! Happy travels!

Dawn Kellogg is the Public Relations and Community Engagement Specialist at The Summit Federal Credit Union: www.summitfcu.org