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DATING LIKEENOUGH. A SHE BOSS YOU ARE BY NICOLE HEROUX I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY DRWILLIAMS JESS GERMANO - FOKIN
DISCOVER + ENHANCE YOUR DATING PROFILE + STYLE Ok, let’s be real…the dating scene these days is no easy endeavor to take on. When dating is tough, it can feel like a game that we don’t know how to play. We get caught up in our heads about anything from “What should I say?”, “How should I respond?”, “Is it too soon to respond?”, “Will I seem desperate?”, “Will I scare them away?”, “Why is he/she/they not responding?” to “Do I need to put out on the first date?”, to name a few. Sound familiar??? This can lead to feeling like a fulltime job that is exhausting, daunting, distressing, and maybe even depressing. I always emphasize to my patients + clients, “Don’t play the game or the game will play you!”. When navigating the dating scene, we can get so caught up in our heads that it takes us out of our authentic self and really starts to distort who we truly want to be or show who we are to that person we might be really interested in dating. Furthermore, this can then create pressures within the self and dating dynamic and thus, take away from the pleasures of truly getting to know one another. Early stages of dating are about discovery, education, experiences, and truly building a connection. To help with getting out of your head + enhance dating, I emphasize the 214
CAPITAL WOMAN ONLINE MAY/JUNE EDITION 2022
importance of activating + engaging in the Power of Play + Pleasure, but first you must know what are YOUR pleasures + playfulness? By focusing on these key areas, we can revel in un-gamified playfulness + pleasure by increasing your awareness + confidence, and hopefully resulting in decreasing the pressures of “Who should I be?” or “What should I do?”. I want you to do YOU by being your authentic self. Some key tips for doing this include: ● Doing some self-reflection prior to getting into the dating scene. Truly knowing who you are + what are your preferences, desires, wants, needs and so on. If you don’t know + love yourself first, you can’t possibly be able to help someone else understand who you are, or truly allow someone to enter into your “personal space” with respect + integrity. ● Do your homework of what might be your preferences with a real + rational potential partner, not your “ideal” fairytale or fantasy partner that might be hindering your dating style with unrealistic expectations. Now, don’t get me wrong, I want you to Do YOU, but you also need to be aware of when you might be “blocking” potential opportunities to get to know someone who might turn out to be a great person + partner because you are too deep in your fantasies or expectations.
● On the flip side of my prior point, you do need to be aware of what you are looking for in a healthy relational dynamic. I always emphasize, “If you don’t know where you are going, any path will do!”. This applies to dating + relationships, too. You don’t want to be in a place of the unknown that could lead you down an unhealthy path or feel like you are settling. This might seem fulfilling in the short term, but can end up leading to an unhealthy sense of self and/or relational space long term. ● Pay attention to the red flags in the beginning. These can be those gut feelings you get when being exposed to something, anywhere from what someone said to how they behave. Remember…when somebody shows you who they are believe them! Those things might not change down the road, so you have to trust your gut feeling or reaction to something and do some self-reflection on why this might be coming up for you. ● Lastly, it’s so, so, so (cannot emphasize enough) important to know YOUR value + worth (and add tax), be able to have your voice, know your limits, and set healthy boundaries from the get go, as well as throughout the relationship. Based on the aforementioned, here are some questions to reflect on to discover + enhance your “dating profile”:
