MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE } PAVING THE WAY TOWARDS SELF-TRUST

Listening To Our Inner Voice

As an artist, I am continually being forced to trust my creative decisions. Through a lot of practice and building up my resiliency, I have learned that when I listen to my inner voice, aka my gut, paintings begin to flow through me and onto the canvas. There’s also been a beautiful bonus of speaking my truth with love and conviction without trepidation. But it wasn’t always like that.

Like so many of you and most of my students, the trust falls of not ruining what we deem either precious or just a fear to even begin or go forward is difficult and anxiety-provoking. Especially during these times when women’s rights are being suppressed or taken away. Our voices are being shoved down and drowned out. They want us to follow along peacefully so that they can maintain control. No one has a right to your voice and your purpose being stripped away. Building up our resolve takes patience, and a true feeling of self-love to achieve.

Recollect your first day of school or a new job where you knew virtually no one and didn’t have a clue about what your new journey was going to look or feel like. The butterflies it produced seemed overwhelming and threatened to take your breath away. We forgot that everyone there was either having that same experience or had already faced that. We also lost sight of the fact that we not only didn’t have to be perfect on day one, but also that there are people there who are willing to guide you through the growing pains. For some, it ends up being the time we made the most friends, found our greatest joy or celebrated our biggest successes. There were most likely moments of growth and

BY LISA WAGNER

pain that informed us what it was we wanted and needed for our souls.

Recall times that maybe those moments weren’t so wonderful. You got served up a platter or disappointment, frustration, or pain instead. You dreaded going to school, work or a function that inevitably would evoke angst or even panic attacks. One of my most difficult times came during my college years. I used to cry in the college parking lot for 3 ½ years because my major was accounting. (My dad thought that would be the best, most financially stable career path…. “Artists always struggle financially.”). I was too young, afraid, and stubborn to give in and listen to my heart. That got me nowhere good. I felt alone and hopeless every day. It took a mental toll on me that required years of self-work and therapy to undo. It also helped me to see my path more clearly and be unapologetic about following it with vigor and abandon.

I’d ask you to think about yourself at your happiest as a child and how unafraid you were to be a ham it up in front of the camera, posing like a supposed model would. Or tackling new projects, activities or experimenting with new ideas. I loved to try out weird colors in my coloring book and mix colors together to see what they made. Applying them randomly with complete abandon was so much fun! Times like these felt like pure bliss. We had a fun story to tell at the dinner table and to our friends, encouraging others to try this new-fangled thing we believed we were the only soul to have discovered. You had zero cares about what anyone thought about it or their judgment of you. You just carried on your merry way, expanding on the fun new thing, or searched out a new one. It made us feel like we could do or be anything. That little girl was invincible and a glorious ball of sunshine. She let her light touch all the darkest places and ignited them with her fire.

Over time, we lose that innocence through large and small traumas. We reluctanly bend towards what is deemed “socially acceptable.” Life becomes restricted and our creativity skills dimished. They got hid away in a closet, afraid to even peek out, for fear that they would be judged or laughed at. As a kid that was bullied and ostracized, I lost my joy for creating. I was sure that I couldn’t make a good decision unless 50+ people gave it a green light. Even then, I agonized over whether it was the right one. (I suspect this sounds all too familiar for a lot of you reading this. Most of my students relay stories that mirror my own, so I know we aren’t alone.) This common roadblock has prevented so many of us from blossoming into the person we are truly meant to be.

When you allow fear to become your guidepost, the options we choose inevitably lead us towards roadblocks and increased moments of living small. We shove down our desires for ones that present as “safe.” No one will question them nor ask more of us. This kind of existence is so unkind and never allows you to experience true joy. Joy is a birthright we frequently forego, believing that we don’t want to cause an issue or be seen as an annoyance. Being the “good girl” is drilled into us from birth in today’s patriarchal society. Making us small and muffling our voices is their mission because they seek to maintain their reigning power and dominance over us. Gary Zucav states in his book, “The Seat of the Soul” that all human

“There’s also been a beautiful bonus of speaking my truth with love and conviction without trepidation. But it wasn’t always like that.”

suffering derives from a desire for power and control. It is time to end our suffering, but it begins by each of us going inward to unleash our loving purpose on this earthly plane.

Looking to those our ego sees as superior to ourselves allows doubt and indecisiveness to take hold and become hard to shake. When we haven’t practiced the art of letting go and standing up for what we want and deserve, it can feel overwhelming to begin. The societal expectation of being the person who colors in the lines and makes everything perfect narrows our ability to see something challenging as the adventure your 7-year-old self would have happily thrown caution to the wind for. So, what happens when you let your hair down and decide that today is the day you will do what your heart gracefully asks us to move towards? You are meant to do great things! Becoming the person that inspires others to do the same nurturing practice gives strength to those who may not have believed they were capable of doing that for themselves.

During my Intuitive Painting classes and workshops, I inextricably who it is that has trepidation with putting down color or covering up an area that isn’t working anymore. It’s a reflection of my own self-doubt. Where the difference lies, is in the fact that I have developed resiliency to possible failure when taking risks. I’ve failed so many times only to pick myself up again and use what I just learned to find new paths of successful art practices. Every misstep in our journey jogs us towards righting our course to something better.

Letting go of own ideas and trusting what else could await us and nudge it in the right direction is meant to open us up to trying new techniques or experiences in all areas of our lives. Your joy and momentum increase and suddenly you gain confidence that can be utilized during your next hard moment.

Begin to think about an obstacle in your life that has left you unsure and with the inability to decide how to proceed. What has it prevented you from doing and experiencing and can it ever get you there? Most likely it won’t. Now, lean into moving with a leap or even baby steps towards the thing that feels better to your soul. Does your heart and your mind believe it’s achievable and attainable? If not, what is blocking you from believing you’re fully capable of cultivating joy? Self-limiting beliefs are what keep us hidden away and small. They restrict our entire being; even the breath.

The most beautiful and effective way that I have found to relieve myself from that fear-based pattern is the 5-5-5 breathing technique. You simply by taking a five-count breath through the nose and hold it at the top for five. Then, let it out of your mouth for another five-counts and hold it again at the bottom for five. Do this however many times you need to come back to center. When we reconnect to our most basic form of being, we realign with love and become grounded and peaceful. Notice how you feel and rest in that space for a moment. Then say, “thank you.” This creates grace for yourself and allows you to do that for others. We can self-regulate and not regret our next action. Freedom from ill-chosen actions once we build that skill allow us to grow and find enormous contentment. You also build a trust in yourself, and others begin to know and sense you are someone they can look to for good advice or a shoulder to lean on that is soft and kind.

Building our resilience to criticism, mistakes or judgment is your get out of jail free card. Trusting that we have always had it within us to make the right choices in our lives opens up golden opportunities we could have never imagined while we remained in a state of fear. We can hold steady and know that we are living in a state of Divine love. There is only blissful light there. It reminds me of what Glenda, the Good Witch told Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz; “You’ve always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.”