HER EDGE

INVISIBLE

BY ROBIN DEWIND

I remember a day when I was a young reporter working in television. It was a slow news day and boredom set in. I decided to organize the crews of reporters and photographers to all go out together for lunch. I am not looking to be the boss, the star, or the hottest woman in the room. Being wiser is way more satisfying than being younger. All the hard stuff you must go through in life carries a hefty price, and I have paid my fair share. I choose to stay a blonde because I like how it looks, not because I am covering anything up. Comfort and warmth are more appealing these days than tight and trendy. Give me jeans and a turtleneck, and I will show you a girl who is happy walking out the door to dinner.

I thought it would be fun, and who would it harm.

Normally we could not do this during a busy day of chasing criminals and car wrecks. On this day, we were all just hanging around. The plan was to leave the building one at a time so our absence would be less obvious. We met up at a nearby restaurant laughing about the fact that we had left the newsroom completely empty, except for Gloria.

Gloria, our assignment editor started to frantically page all of us looking for her staff. She was a long-time award-winning news woman, and we could have cared less. Her longlist of impressive credentials made her a broadcasting pioneer. To all of twenty-somethings, she was just invisible.

I must admit, I am feeling a little like Gloria these days, professionally and personally.

My need for glasses, lower heels, and tunics versus a tucked in shirt can make me feel like I have taken two-steps back in life. The wrinkles, brown spots and thinning lashes are constant reminders of what used to be. I can deal with all that.

What I cannot stand is women my age sent to the career and social sidelines for no reason. But I am not ready to retire or slip away quietly. I do not need to document every detail of my life on Facebook and Instagram with filtered photos to keep myself feeling pretty or relevant.

Visibility is not about pictures and posts, but a state of mind.

I turned 58 in October, and I am grateful. I am not ashamed of my age, but I am more than a conversation about menopause.

If you say you are over fifty, all anyone can talk about is weight gain, gray hair, and dry vaginas. Menopause is not an easy transformation. It is like going from a butterfly to a caterpillar, but your body and brain survive and there is a beautiful freedom on the other side of maturity. I am no longer trying to step over another woman on the career ladder to a better position for more money. I would rather have a good relationship with a client over just making a sale. I value sleep and free time and walks with my dog. Age brings peace and perspective from constantly having to achieve and perform.

It is easy to feel confused about our purpose. If I hear from another wellmeaning parent, “what will you do when your daughter goes to college next year?”

I have no idea, but I cannot wait to find out.

I will author a book, travel to Europe, sleep past 6 a.m. and try to stay out of Wegmans for longer than a week. The possibilities are endless.

I want my soon to be twenty-something daughter to “see” me; an independent, successful woman who never stops wanting to learn and is willing to try something new without fear of rejection.

It is easy to feel tired and want to throw the white flag of surrender.

We are still working, paying the mortgage, making dinner, raising kids, and trying to stay physically and professionally relevant in a world that has all but eliminated our demographic checkbox.

“To all of twenty-somethings, she was just invisible. I must admit, I am feeling a little like Gloria these days, professionally and personally.”

It is an extraordinary time in life that has somehow made us feel ordinary because we allow it.

I hope I never lose my passion or curiosity. If someone does not value my experience, I now have the confidence to connect with someone who does. to offer was my mistake. Diminishing her skills and work experience just because she was “older” limited my chance to learn something. I thought being younger made me smarter.

It did not.

I ran in to Gloria two months ago. She came up to me, smiling and anxious to chat. She caught me off guard. We did not reminisce about our days in the newsroom, a time in her life that was clearly in her rearview mirror. Instead, she beamed about her volunteer work with a local animal shelter and congratulated me on my career success and transition.

She was gracious.