MENTALLY THINKING

{ MENTALLY THINKING } MASTERING NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

BY BONNIE FLOYD

It’s the start of another new year. Many of us set New Year’s resolutions. Setting goals for changing our behavior is important for each of us throughout our lives. We each need goals to motivate us, each day, to achieve all that we are inherently capable of doing. Meeting our goals greatly enhances our self-esteem. It also provides increased motivation and drive for setting additional goals.

Some of the resolutions that we set are relatively modest in nature, whereas others are all-encompassing to achieve. Perhaps you want to give up an unhealthy habit, such as smoking. Regardless of which type of goal you’re trying to achieve, there are several key factors associated with improving your odds of meeting your goals.

First, it is important to set realistic goals. Setting realistic goals will go a long way in reducing the disappointment associated with not achieving a goal. Realistic goals are capable of being achieved with our innate talents, our currently available resources, and our level of commitment. Not setting realistic goals will inevitably result in enhanced frustration and disappointment. For example, an individual might desire to lose a total of fifty pounds. It’s entirely realistic to attempt to achieve this goal over the course of an entire year, whereas it’s not realistic to meet this goal within a two-week period.

Another key factor is achieving our goals is breaking each goal down into more manageable steps. For example, many years ago I set the goal of achieving my doctoral degree in clinical psychology. This required achieving multiple goals along the way, including receiving my associate’s, my bachelor’s, and two master’s degrees, prior to eventually receiving my Ph.D. This entire process took a total of fourteen years to achieve after my high school graduation. To be perfectly honest, I faced periods of intense frustration and discouragement while going through my academic training, due to the development of serious health problems. Nevertheless, I did my best to remind myself that I only needed to complete one semester at a time. In doing so, I successfully moved closer to the goal of earning my doctorate.

When attempting to achieve our goals, it is critical to refrain from perfectionism. Perfection is the enemy of good, after all. Individuals with perfectionistic tendencies will often spend much more time than is necessary on any given stage of achieving an important goal. As a recovering perfectionistic myself, I’m finally appreciating that “good is good enough” when trying to achieve a goal. Many years ago, I took a watercolor painting class. I soon learned to appreciate that perfectionism was highly detrimental to mastering this specific medium. Attempting to correct perceived errors while painting only resulted in defacing the delicate paper being used.

Mastering frustration is another important factor when trying to achieve a goal. We often encounter setbacks along the way to finally achieving our goals. I published a book, late last November. There was considerable frustration along the way to achieving this much-desired goal. In fact, I needed to carefully revise my initial manuscript, several times. This process was a very frustrating one. I needed to remind myself, several times, of just how much effort that I had already made in trying to achieve this goal. I also enlisted the expertise of a line-editor. I reasoned that another set of eyes could more easily find the mistakes that were inevitably sprinkled throughout my lengthy manuscript.

Another key factor in achieving goals is the ability to learn from our failures. Three years ago, I decided to open a shop in a small business co-op. I wanted to sell the wide range of polymer clay jewelry that I had been designing for the past couple of years. I had amassed an adequate inventory to open a store. However, I failed to thoroughly research the business aspects of establishing a store. I was certainly full of enthusiasm for taking on this new adventure, but I lacked the expertise in being able to successfully manage a business. Not so surprisingly, I eventually was forced to close my shop. Thankfully, I managed to learn a lot from not achieving this goal.

Finally, be sure to enlist support when you are attempting to achieve a goal. We all need to recognize our interconnectedness. Even the most talented, highly driven individuals do not achieve their goals completely independently. It’s impossible to be equally good in all areas. We need to recognize when to enlist the expertise of others in trying to obtain an important goal. I freely admit that I never would have been able to obtain my doctoral degree without the assistance of my parents; they provided enormous support in attending graduate school as a single mother of a daughter with chronic medical difficulties.

You’re capable of achieving your goals!

THE ART OF RELEASING

How To We Learn to Let Go Creatively

In life, the hard road is the one we tend to resist. Especially after all we’ve been through the last two years. We are worn out and on edge with little left to give; even to ourselves. We tire more easily, and we avoid it by partying hard or by continuing to stay put because it feels a lot safer for many of us. Unfortunately, that is what’s holding you back from reconnecting with your joyful self. Joy is your true essence and until we learn the art of releasing that which no longer serves us or our growth, we stay stuck in limiting patterns and beliefs. Learning how to let go creatively means trying new things and the potential for an expansion of our hearts.

Throughout our lives, we are tested by our deepest fears that can prevent us from our expanding our souls. This is just here to prove to us our own humanness and what makes each of us precious beings. We are here to learn from and then conquer them. We have listened far too much to outside opinions, expectations and advice that wasn’t always in our best interest. As if, had we not tried to live up to them or adhere to the “rules,” we were inherently failing ourselves and those who we believed were judging us. That’s where our first errors happen. It usually stands to bear that no one is paying attention to what we’re doing as much as we imagine. Their happiness isn’t hinging on anything we do most times. Funny that we hold that up as fact and run around people-pleasing & acting within societal norms. If I did my artwork in accordance with what others thought, I never would have made a single piece.

BY LISA WAGNER

Have you ever ventured out of your comfort zone and done what you know resonates more divinely to your soul? It’s scary that first go-around but completely worth it! Try to imagine what would happen if you did that scary step. What if you wore that cute bikini to the beach or started dancing in public? You probably don’t know anyone, and you’ll never see any of them again. Once you do that hard thing, it suddenly hits you that you’ve allowed yourself to reconnect to your joy. It’s the bliss we rarely allow ourselves as adults. We lose it along the way towards adulthood. Imagine a three-year-old worried about anyone’s opinion and they’re the happiest people I’ve ever met.

Each step we take to remove our own beliefs about what is keeping us safe from pain, we move ourselves closer to feeling alive again. Another simple thing we can do is set intentions about how we want to feel going forward and what we will need to release to achieve that. The Universe is always conspiring to bring us what it is we wish or hope for. Some emotions or patterns are easier to let go of than others. So, start with simple ones like wanting to control outcomes of things that matter to you; if you’ll get promoted, find the love of your life or, as an artist, how the work I had all planned out in my head looks nothing like it once I’ve finished it. All those hopes, dreams and plans we have for ourselves usually pale in comparison to what the Universe has in store for us. But only if we can allow them to take the lead and trust that we will be guided and held. When we try to control the outcome, we are actually blocking what we wish to attract to us. You were born with the innate ability and inner guidance to know exactly how to find your purpose and then shows you how to get there. Joy is your truest essence and it’s the most patient and loving constant in our lives; even when times are the hardest. How many times do we pray and spend the entire time asking instead of sitting quietly and just listening to the guidance available to us? When you imagine what it is you wish for, how does it feel? Stay in that feeling and then allow in the support that awaits you. Watch for signs that are meaningful to you as a confirmation that you are on the right path. They’re always showing up for you as a means of encouragement and comfort.

Grief can hold us in its grips like a strait jacket that is continually tightening around us. We are left feeling out of breath and out of control. Yet, we are always being supported by something greater than ourselves. If we lean into the love that is offered to us, grace and some good therapy can then allow us to start healing. We are meant to move forward once we’ve fully experienced its throws. There is more for us to see, experience and offer the world. Your pain can and will offer others hope. It’s in that moment that we are our most powerful. We can affect positive change.

Today, try breaking out a piece of paper and write out exactly how you’re feeling without judgment. Write down whatever you’re being called to let out. Then begin to draw and scribble over the top of it. A line, a hard scribble, a shape that represents how you feel. Use colors that you are being drawn to and fill the paper. Just let go and let whatever

“The art of releasing what no longer serves you will begin to alter your mindset for the better.”

happens be perfectly imperfect. Feel free to embrace whatever emotions this brings up for you. Now, take a few deep breaths as you witness what you’ve put on the paper. How does it feel to put it all down on something other than your heart? Do this as many times as you need. You’re doing sacred work to heal your pain. I sometimes do this on the canvas before I paint over it or will bury the paper I made a mess out of, letting Mother Earth transmute it and regenerate it into energy for her. It feels as though I’m allowing myself to be lighter and rise up again. You deserve to feel that way, too, using whatever loving means or ways that feels good.

For the students in my intuitive painting workshops, their methods to get to that feeling usually use one of these two different approaches: sometimes they begin with quiet color choices that should their trepidation and, as they began to feel the loving ripples throughout the space, would make a complete color palette shift to bright, bold colors, shapes, or paint strokes. Their smiles were contagious. For students at the other end of the spectrum, the exact opposite would happen. Harsh, loud colors they originally had applied would suddenly not suit them. They’d begin to go over the top of them with softer, quieter color choices. Their faces would relax, and their body language would feel looser and more uninhibited. Around this point of the workshops, there was a marked shift to joy, laughter, and fun. They begin to talk about their shared experience and the strides they made. When we have someone to share our journey with, there’s a communal feeling of love and support that’s undeniable and beautiful.

I’ve also seen students who are in a completely different portion of their self-love journey. They sometimes have left feeling frustrated and not ready to explore that area of their lives just yet. And that’s okay! We aren’t always in that headspace because it’s way too raw. If that resonates for you, allow yourself time and space to become ready to process that pain. You’re allowed that. Be willing to seek the help you need without shame or judgment. We all benefit from qualified help and it can be incredibly lifesaving.

The art of releasing what no longer serves you will begin to alter your mindset for the better. Whether it be through therapy, art, meditation, yoga, tapping or dance (of the millions of loving choices), you can begin to allow for the better in your life. You are worthy of love, joy, and happiness. That is your birthright. We are the ones who tend snuff it out with fear. Once you choose to have a more loving reaction to the difficulties you experience and root them in that love, there’s no way you can’t connect to your joy. There’s always someone who wants to help you be your best self and will love and support you through the pain. Let go and allow for the light that awaits you to pour in and take hold so that you can be nourished and grow into all that you are meant to be. Get excited that you are about to flourish and live with loving intention. I look forward to your heart being happy and fulfilled!