THE INFLUENTIAL MAN

from RWO March 2022 Edition

LIFE IN BALANCE

{ THE INFLUENTIAL MAN } YOU ARE ENOUGH. WHERE HAVE ALL THE GENTLEMEN GONE

BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY VINCENT DIGIORGIO

There was a time when finding a gentleman was not that difficult to do. You know, the strong silent type, always looking dapper and treating women and the others around them with respect. When it came to being around women they would keep to polite conversation saving more spirited conversation reserved for when it’s a guys only gathering. So, where did these guys go? It seemed like they just disappeared, and no one was there to take their place. More on that in a minute. I believe we all have our own definition of what a gentleman is. Some people may say it’s someone who is polite and courteous, others may think it’s someone who looks or acts a certain way.

So, what is the actual definition? A gentleman is a man who puts the needs of others before those of himself. He puts the needs of his woman or wife, along with children and friends, all before himself. Have you ever had a man hold the door open for you? A gentleman will even put the needs of strangers to pass through the door before he passes through himself. I guess what being a gentleman really boils down to, is being selfless. To find the last true gentlemen in our lives, we just need to think back to our fathers, uncles, or grandfathers. Men in our lives that walked, talked and dressed a certain way. They smelled of leather and Old Spice. They were men of another era, where a handshake was as good as a signed document. Integrity and honesty was something that meant everything to them. So, where are these men and where do they congregate? I think they are difficult to find because real gentlemen don’t hang out in packs, like wolves. Life has no doubt become more complicated and these men are more difficult to distinguish from the average guy. Why? Because life has become so casual and fewer people are dressing up. As a matter of fact, it has become even worse since the pandemic. Most of us don’t need to interact with as many people as we used to. Being a gentleman means interacting with people and using your social skills that promote gentility and respect. You really don’t need that level of social skills in your meetings if they are all cyber meetings.

Now, where can these “lone-wolf” gentlemen be found? The answer is more obvious than you think. You just need to use your five senses, or as women are oftentimes thought to possess, that sixth sense. All true gentlemen put off certain signals whether they are in person or not. It’s in what they say or usually what they don’t say that tells a person’s true character. Having restraint and discernment are key elements in being gentrified. A gentleman is a good listener who thinks before he speaks. He only gives advice when asked. He is not profane or self-absorbed and always tries to lift others up and not himself. He is someone that takes care of himself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Without these traits, men are nothing, but boys trapped in a man’s body. and mentor if he doesn’t have his own responsibilities in order? A gentleman is a man who has good taste both literally and figuratively. Someone who appreciates the beauty in simple things but also understands the subtleties of the finer things in life. And thus, we wonder - are there any real men still out there and if so, where can they be found? The short answer is yes, they are out there. As a matter of fact, you may even know some good candidates. There are two ways to find these gentlemen; the first is easier. Take the man you love and turn him into the gentleman you deserve. After all, James Bond was just a regular guy until he was trained to be the most interesting man in the world. If you want to create a real gentleman, it’s going to take some work.

There is no gentleman without the word gentility. A better descriptor of this word is selflessness. He must be selfless to be a gentleman. He needs to be a man that is willing to put your needs and the needs of others before himself. It’s a love of humanity. Now don’t get me wrong, a gentleman can take care of himself and be a protector and a disciplinarian when he needs to, but that is the exception and not the rule. There are plenty of books on the market that will teach the discipline of being gentrified. So, take your man, give him a book (make sure you read it first) and set him in the proper direction. An example might be to wait at the car door until he gets the message that you would like the door opened for you.

“There was a time when finding a gentleman was not that difficult to do. You know, the strong silent type, always looking dapper and treating women and the others around them with respect.”

Don’t accept certain behaviors that are unbecoming of a gentleman. It is a learned behavior, and you have a choice in the way you want to be treated. You will only get out of a man the work you put into him. After a while he will get the message that if he wants to be with an extraordinary partner, he needs to be an extraordinary person. Creating a gentleman takes time and effort and an investment in the proper attire too. To complete the process, a gentleman needs to act, think, speak, listen, and look like a gentleman too. That means a man needs to give thought to who he is going to be with, what he is going to be doing and the climate that he will be doing it in.

Now there is nothing wrong with a baseball uniform, but you don’t wear that on a basketball court. Just like you don’t wear basketball shorts out to dinner with your family. Keeping the way you dress compartmentalized to the proper uses always sends the right message. A 45-year-old man in basketball shorts anywhere outside the gym is sending the wrong message. So, creating the man you have or the next man in your life to be a gentleman, is as easy as requiring him, as mentioned, to act, speak, think and also dress like a gentleman in order to be with you. Set your standards high, and if he can’t reach them, then set him free.

The second and more difficult way to find a gentleman is to find one that has already put himself through the rigors of high standards all on his own. So, where would you find him? First open your eyes to the way he dresses, his hair cut, nails and shoes. A man’s shoes will tell you a lot about him. Then see how he interacts with people; how he treats a server at lunch, how he directs his attention when speaking with someone. Is he thoughtful and sincere, or is his head on a swivel and easily distracted. Finally, is he boastful or is he humble about his accomplishments? In all of this, the conclusion of the matter is that gentlemen don’t look like bad boys or act like bad boys. They are everything you need; at all the right times you need them. If you find one of those, then you should hang on tight.

Vincent DiGiorgio - ONE Custom Clothier

Vince@onecustomclothier.com 585-271-1190 2423 Monroe Avenue Rochester NY 14618 http://www.onecustomclothier.com