GOD, SAINTS, TULIPS, AND WINDMILLS

BY CHRISTINE PIACENTINO I IMAGES OF CHRISTINE BY L SHOT PHOTOGRAPHY

I grew up in a very affluent town in NH. My family, however, was not. My father owned a billiard parlor. My mother was a librarian. When I was a pre-teen, my mother suggested I get a job in the town library. She most likely wanted to keep me out of the pool hall. I loved practicing my pool game and trick shots with my father. She thought the kind of boys I was exposed to were seedy and true bad boys. She also couldn’t afford the extra things like make-up and clothes that teen girls wanted. I enjoyed working in the library. I developed a love of reading. I was thrilled when the new books would be delivered and needed to be prepared to be checked out by the public. Life at home wasn’t easy. My parents didn’t get along. I found reading to be a means of escape.

I could find a quiet place in my house to escape into an adventure, comedy story, or biography of exciting people. As my teen years progressed, I found myself searching for witty authors. I laughed out loud every day after I read Erma Bombeck’s column in the newspaper. When her book “Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What am I doing in the pits” came out. I read it with pure abandon. She had encapsulated the life I was living with my mother. I roared with laughter as I read it.

When my son was diagnosed, my mother reminded me of two authors that wrote impactful pieces for handling motherhood with a special needs child. The first was a chapter entitled “The Special Mother” in Erma Bombeck’s “Motherhood The Second Oldest Profession.” I’ll let you ponder what the first oldest profession would be! She remembered how much I loved Erma Bombeck. The second was Emily Perl Kingsley’s “Welcome to Holland.” My mother was a fantastic researcher and came across this piece

Bombeck’s “The Special Mother.” After all, I am that mother! I love to laugh, am independent, and am a little selfish. I may not be outwardly religious, but I truly believe in faith! In reading Emily Perl Kingsley’s “Welcome to Holland,” I realized that we can’t always plan what life throws our way; you need to adapt and change your expectations to enjoy the ride you are on. Tiptoe through the tulips, look for Rembrandts, but don’t tilt at Windmills like Don Quixote. Enjoy, Holland, your friends may have gone to Italy, but you will have a different story to share when you all return.

Motherhood The Second Oldest Profession. Copyright©1983 by McGraw Hill.

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

I’m always astounded by this question. I’ve never really thought about it. It’s something I’ve always felt that it’s just something that needs to be done.

These pieces truly resonated with me. I knew I would be OK when I read Erma

“Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew.

“Forrest, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecelia.

“Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint.... give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity.

“ Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, “Give her a handicapped child.”

The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.”

“Exactly,” smiles God. “Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.”

“But has she patience?” asks the angel.

“I don’t want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she’ll handle it.”

“I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence. She’ll have to teach the child to live in her world and that’s not going to be easy.”

“But, Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.”

God smiles. “No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.”

The angel gasps, “Selfishness? Is that a virtue?”

God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she’ll never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less then perfect. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied.

“She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says “Momma” for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.”

“I will permit her to see clearly the things I see---ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.”

“And what about her patron saint?” asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.

God smiles. “A mirror will suffice.”

Welcome To Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley

Copyright©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley.

All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

“Most WOMEN become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social PRESSURES, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become MOTHERS of handicapped children.

My essays have appeared in The Sun and other literary magazines and anthologies. In 2016 I was in the cast of “Listen to Your Mother,” a curated series of live readings around the country about motherhood. My third book, “100 Things To Do In Rochester Before You Die,” just came out from Reedy Press. My children’s book, “M is for Mindful,” was published in 2019.

What makes you hustle?

When I was in elementary school, I went door-to-door selling gift wrap, greeting cards, and other merchandise for a national company that paid me a dollar for every item I sold. I also biked around the neighborhood collecting cans for money. As an adult I’ve had my own freelance writing business since 2005. I suppose I’ve always been an entrepreneur in some way.

How did your latest book come about?

“100 Things To Do In Rochester

Before You Die” is part of a series of more than 150 titles across the U.S. The publisher asked Visit Rochester to give them some names of local writers, and I was super fortunate to have been chosen.

I grew up in Sedona, Arizona—a much different place than Rochester! I lived in four states before moving here in 1999, and by far this has been my most favorite spot to call home. We have world-class offerings without the traffic and price tags of larger cities. Sure, people complain about the weather, but as I write in the preface, I learned a valuable lesson my first winter here: There is no bad weather, only inappropriate clothing. As a matter of fact, several entries in the book celebrate our coldest season.

Give us a peek inside the book.

The first thing I’ll say is that, despite the title, there actually are more than 160 things mentioned because I included related suggestions along the way. The book is divided into five categories: food and drink, music and entertainment, sports and recreation, culture and history, and shopping and fashion. In the back are suggested itineraries by subject and season.

I tried to put together a mixture of the obvious and obscure, so locals, transplants, and visitors can find it useful. It has been fun to hear native Rochesterians say, “I never knew about that!”

Can you give an example of something that might not be so familiar?

From October through April, the Christ Church Schola Cantorum downtown pays homage to Compline, a fourth-century monastic custom of private prayer and devotion before bedtime. People sit in candlelit pews and listen for a half hour to Gregorian chant, Renaissance, and baroque choral music sung mostly by Eastman School of Music students. And it’s free, though donations are appreciated. It’s contemplative and ethereal and absolutely gorgeous.

What about a more conspicuous choice?

Well, we are home to the mecca of grocery stores: Wegmans. Tens of thousands of Wegmans fans show up for grand openings in other states, but the grocer’s longest-running store in East Rochester, which retains some original mid-century features, still stands from 1958.

I’m told the book’s publisher hasn’t had success getting the book sold in any Wegmans locations just yet (including Buffalo and Syracuse, which already have books in this series), but I’m hoping the Rochester book is the groundbreaker. Maybe enough people have to make requests (wink, wink, nudge, nudge!).

Did you learn anything about Rochester during your research that you didn’t know before?

I knew we were nationally and internationally recognized for things, but had no idea just how much attention we’ve gotten from the Food Network, National Public Radio, Esquire magazine, and more. Rochester has the oldest continuously operating mini-golf course, the oldest continuously operating independent movie theater, one of the oldest continuously operating wooden roller coasters, and the largest vinyl record collection in the Northeast. And that’s just to start. The book mentions lots more accolades.

BY ROBIN L. FLANIGAN

What are some of your goals for this latest venture?

I’d love to sell books and help the community at the same time. Any nonprofit organization who wants to use “100 Things To Do In Rochester Before You Die” as a fundraiser gets 20% of proceeds from those sales. I’ve been partnering with real estate agents, and would love to add to the list loan officers and anyone else who regularly gives gifts to clients. I want to see the book in as many AirBnBs and waiting rooms as possible. (My financial advisor said someone thumbing through a copy in his waiting room the other day asked where he could buy one, which is great to hear!) My vision is for business owners of all sizes to use the book for onboarding, recruitment, and retention. I’m offering bulk discounts to help make that easier to do.

I’m not ready to just move on to the next project. I really want to use this book to encourage as many people as possible to view Rochester in the very best light.

Any ideas on how people can use the book?

One of my girlfriends is putting together a group of women to tackle as many things listed as they can. A local organization will be using places in the book as part of a scavenger hunt. Parents can hand the book to their children and ask for input on what to do as a family—and can send their college freshmen off to school with a copy if they’re staying in the area. Book clubs can make their next read a more active one. Vendors can add the book to gift baskets, and it’s a great way to welcome new residents to the neighborhood. Anyone looking to have fun and learn more about this region can flip through for inspiration.

Why did you want to write “M is for Mindful”?

When my daughter, now 17, was three, I started thinking about how I wanted to teach the concept of mindfulness. I decided to create an alphabet book in which every letter came with an easy-to-memorize, four-line poem that could be used in any given moment when needed. For example:

A is for Attitude accept what comes your way with grace lessons come from every place V is for Voice put your thoughts in words today you have important things to say

I was fortunate to receive endorsements from people like Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi and cofounder of the M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence in Rochester; Sharon Salzberg, one of the world’s most esteemed meditation teachers; and Golden Globe-winning actress Andie MacDowell. The book is used in schools and therapy offices in several states, and has made its way to an orphanage in Kenya.

What do you do when you’re not writing?

I enjoy cultural events, playing piano and backgammon, and traveling. In 2008 I climbed to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro and saw the curvature of the earth at sunrise—a sight I couldn’t forget if I tried.

How can people learn more about the book, or buy a copy?

Links to purchase (and info on scheduled book signings) are on the website: www.100ThingsinRochester. com

Instagram: #100ThingsinRochester

Facebook: 100 Things To Do In Rochester Before You Die view Rochester in the very BEST LIGHT. ”