12 minute read
TABETHA WILSON
BY MAYA MCNULTY
Tabetha Wilson is a woman of many accomplishments. She is a dedicated mother of two and lives by her motto “if service is beneath you, then leadership is beyond you.” Since 2017, she has served as a Board Member for the City School District of Albany, citing education as the primary vehicle to help children escape from poverty. She has an intrinsic desire and an interest in representing millennials as the next generation of leaders and policymakers. Tabetha works for the NYS Office of Temporary Disability Assistance, which serves New York’s most vulnerable and needy. In addition, she also serves on many non-profit boards and committees including NYSPAC of the Junior League as Communications Director, the President at AVillage Inc. Her work in leadership is truly inspiring as she’s a pillar in the Albany community.
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Tell us about your childhood and where you grew up?
Growing up in Albany, NY after an extended period indoors during the winter, the summertime is where most of my memories come from –the warm sunny days were like a loving embrace, and seeing your friends again – it was a sunup to sundown time of playing, exploring, and laughing. I grew up in neighborhoods in Arbor Hill and Sheridan Hollow. It felt as if I had 500 friends to play with nonstop. It was an era where we knew and also got along with our neighbors. All summer long at least one of the parents would spend time on the stoop looking out for us as we played the days away.
One of my great passions in my youth that I credit to my mother was a love of reading. I am the third of six children born to two immigrant parents. The dynamics of being a first generation American in such a household is a strong emphasis on education – the world my parents had to navigate was at times challenging, hostile and unforgiving. My parents worked extremely hard to provide a foundation for us. There was a strong emphasis on grades and school as a pathway upwards and onwards. Whenever we went grocery shopping and we went past the toy section, my Mom would never let me get a toy but if I picked up any Little Golden Books she would buy them for me. At a young age, I was also a night owl. I would burn the midnight oil reading not only children’s books, but any book at my disposal. Reading contributed to what I consider my strength – my creativity. Not only do I enjoy writing and art as a creative outlet, but I leverage this skill to solve complex problems and to improve and innovate while volunteering and serving my community.
Although I could have found a lifeline if I needed one, I struggled silently. What I can reflect on during this dark period is transmutation - taking the pain I was feeling and sharing its hardest moments. That gave me the feeling that I was not alone. An article that I encountered in 2017 that resonated with me was ‘Quiet Black Girls and How We Fail Them’.
As a ‘Quiet Black Girl’, or introvert, I was often labeled as shy. I got good grades and did not cause much of a ruckus so the phrase or moniker “the one I don’t have to worry about” or some variation would be used to describe me and like a spell it worked like a cloak of invisibility. Who knew or even cared what I wanted or needed. Why does it matter? There are bigger fish to fry and other fires to put out. I spent a lot of my adolescence as not fully human and more like an android or Ai – just a feedback loop.
There is a lot to unpack as far as historical marginalization of Black Women and girls.
Tell us about your life before your traumatic experience?
So, the tragedy that spurred my acceleration was not an external stimulus. It was an internal struggle. A tempest of the soul.
Stereotypes about black women are based in misogynoir. That is a specific type of misogyny that is aimed at black women and is uniquely detrimental to Black women: “to describe the particular brand of hatred directed at Black women in American visual and popular culture” – Moya Bailey.
In our society, Black women are often slotted into one of four roles:
•the sassy Black woman,
•the angry Black woman,
•the strong Black woman, or
•the overly sexual Black woman.
These labels lurk and follow you into the classrooms. Often questioning or clarifying what is then characterized as sassiness. The rise in self doubt follows you into interviews or the workplace where often you can be overqualified, underpaid, and over-encumbered due to an inhuman caricature of strength. It also follows you into municipal offices or stores or anywhere that you must make a demand for what you are entitled to, or some accountability. You can then be labeled angry, because you are not accepting no for an answer. Anywhere else these are admirable traits, but historically for Black women they serve as a curse.
No matter what you say or do, you cannot possibly have any redeeming qualities or positive contributions because a negative caricature precedes you. Even if the caricature is not necessarily negative it can still harm you; the perception of being strong is attributable to the misnomer that we experience less pain than other groups.
Our healthcare is jeopardized, and we tend to suffer being misdiagnosed or other calamities because they cannot hear us –they know us already. These archetypes leave little room for our individuality. The byproduct of whether you are seen as part of the monolithic stereotypes or exception to the stereotypes is still the same – erasure, silencing, marginalization, health disparities and oftentimes death. As a young person, especially an adolescent, you do not have the vocabulary for what is happening to you, but you definitely know it when you see it, or in my case feel it. Microaggressions, offhand remarks or casual statements would cut me to the bone when I was young. I would press forward or do my best, but I often felt before I asked or attempted what the answer would be, “No, not you.”
What challenges did you overcome? Lucky for me, you get sick of not feeling at the helm of your destiny. As Audre Lorde so eloquently stated, “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.” Without knowing or hearing this before I knew this was happening to me – I was being labeled or put into a box. I had a lot of talent, skills, abilities, and creativity that was barely tapped into, and just because I was not a rabble rouser it did not make it less worthy of investment.
I eventually found my voice and it coincided with being an advocate for my family. In many immigrant households you do not make waves, especially in the world outside your door. I know a lot of folks who cannot be bothered to resist, or demand what they are due or speak up for themselves. I did not mind being overlooked on a personal level but injustices great and small unnerved me to no end. My love of reading and thus ability to navigate red tape enabled me to step into many adult spaces and demand accountability, action or simply make inquiries that others did not have the time, patience, energy, or stamina to deal with. I could write well and tell people off in a diplomatic and non-offensive way, this coupled with persistence is where the seeds of who I am were planted.
Spending so many years bottled up in the manner I described, things took a turn with my personality. I had a brief stint in an extremely negative space, and as I mentioned I grieved opportunities and eventually that grief manifests like anger. The movie ‘Rebel Without a Cause’ comes to mind as I was angry, and fed up but I did not necessarily have an outlet for it. In this instance you can be a bit volcanic – and either erupt your family or friends or some other self-destructive element. Again, this was a necessary period because before becoming destructive I was lucky to come across two tools that made me introspective. One was when I met someone who introduced me to meditation and the other was when a friend gave me a book, the ‘48 Laws of Power’ by Robert Greene, which, although cliché, introduced the concept of self-mastery and emotional intelligence. And the entire self-help genre which is where I put my focus – on my personal and professional development. I can genuinely say it is a night and day difference between the person that was in a dead-end job and very melancholic and a little angry and the person who I am today who I think is unrecognizable and who propelled themselves from that place quickly. I know I am lucky to have emerged from that brief stint in such a negative place because many end up spending their entire lives there.
To overcome these challenges, I leaned into two things, hard work and a commitment to excellence. Hard work – There is a classic American adage about the immigrant work ethic – as I grew older and gained some perspective that my mom took that to the extreme.
She was not always healthy; her children outnumbered her, and she was in a very labor intensive and not well compensated job – yet she was always doing something hyper productive and in contrast I just felt like the laziest person in the world. Where in my youth I saw this extremely strict, hyper focused individual, in my adulthood I saw a source of strength. Applying yourself, doing what others will not, going beyond are all components that distinguished me in the times I was trying to advance personally and professionally.
Commitment to excellence
– There is an infamous book by Cal Newport - ‘So Good They Can’t Ignore You’ – and the backstory of the film, ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’ has the same theme: Be world class at something. If you can combine hard work with high quality of work, you become as the book is titled ‘So Good They Can’t Ignore You’.
What did you learn?
My thoughts are that failure is not an option and keeping your ‘why’ at the forefront is highly motivating. I learned what my strengths and weaknesses are, and I urge everyone to do the same. Knowing where I am strong allowed me to assert myself in the things I believe in, am passionate about and to push things forward towards progress. I consider creativity and collaboration my strengths and this manifests as many hours of service in the community. Knowing my weaknesses lets me know what pitfalls and detours to avoid. Knowing my weaknesses allowed me to invest my energy wisely and know not to internalize them but areas that need investment and improvement and then align with people and opportunities wisely.
Biggest challenge?
It is always darkest before dawn. I remember being in the trenches, and feeling like there was either no way out or it seemed like I could not win. In those times you are being molded and you go through those challenges so you can build
Explain your view on resiliency?
Women are the foundation of strong communities but are often presented with forced choices, due to patriarchal power frameworks in place. It is often women who are asked to be resilient and roll with the punches. I aim for the day when we can focus on rest and restoration versus resilience. Until then, resilience is a stress test. There are almost no easy days, there will always be something, someone to come along and upset you. The goal is to not be derailed by this – to let it flow through you, over you and around you but do not absorb it and internalize it.
About: up the muscle memory to encounter bigger goals. When I pursued the school board an onslaught of microaggressions which if I was in a phase of imposter syndrome or – however I knew myself well at that time I had an arsenal of ammunition which included knowing I had the skills commitment and the knowledge of myself to confront people trying to chip away at my confidence.
Maya McNulty is a successful business woman, author and patient - led researcher. Her tenacity for advocacy, passion for travel and outdoor adventure allows her to speak on global stages and experience different cultures other than her own. A positive mindset and attitude are the cornerstone to Maya’s resilient lifestyle. She has been featured on ABC, NBC, CBS, WebMD, Medscape, Healthline and many more.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/mayamcnulty
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