LESSONS FROM A RECOVERING PERFECTIONIST

YOU ARE ENOUGH. LESSON #5

BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY DEVAN ROBINSON

Lesson #5: Learn to trust yourself.

Over the last 30 years of my life I was taught all about how to trust others. It started early, with learning how to trust my parents, teachers, and adults in general. Trusting that they would feed me, take care of me, and follow through with their promises. It wasn’t until I hit my late 20s that I realized I trusted others more than I trusted myself.

I realized this by chance when I was cleaning the kitchen and listening to an audiobook. The main character was contemplating a big decision she had to make and she asked herself “Do you believe in yourself?”. She needed to trust herself and believe that she could do what she needed to do to succeed, because in the end the only person who could make this succeed was herself. While listening to this book, I tried to answer the question for myself. But, I found myself hesitating.

Do I believe in myself? Do I trust in myself? My answer was not an instantaneous “yes” as I had hoped it would be.

I came to the heavy realization that I didn’t trust myself.

Why didn’t I trust myself? Because, I had felt that I let myself down many times over the years. I broke promises to myself, I didn’t follow through with what I said I would do, and I listened to the opinions of others more than my own. I would criticize myself every day in the mirror and speak to myself in a way that I would never speak to anyone else. So, over time I trained myself to not trust myself. I was my own worst critic and that needed to change.

After noticing this, I had to do some serious soul searching. I had to break years of not trusting myself. I had to learn how to fully believe that I would take care of myself and do what I promised myself I would do. I had to learn to treat myself with compassion and kindness, just like I do with the other people in my life. I had to know deep down that I can survive whatever comes my way. I had to give myself grace, space, and time to return to myself.

Other ways to notice if you don’t trust yourself are when you find that you are uncomfortable looking inward. You trust others’ opinions of you more than your own. You catch yourself thinking you aren’t good enough. When you are criticized you are harder on yourself than you should be. You seek external validation from others. You have a hard time making decisions, or completing tasks. You break promises to yourself. You are unable to find or value your own voice.

Once trust has been broken, it is hard to earn back. Have you ever lost your trust in someone in your life? How did they earn the trust back? Self-trust is a little different than trust from external sources, but it can be just as hard to increase. ● Increasing your self-compassion. Which means you need to be present, be kind to yourself, practice mindfulness and look inward without judgment.

● Work on connecting with yourself. Spend time with yourself. Find journal prompts, figure out your strength, increase your understanding of yourself & your worth. This is where a life coach, like me, can come in.

● Challenge your thoughts. Check in to make sure your thoughts are your own and not based on others opinions.

This all takes time, and if you need someone to help you with it, I am here for you. Reach out any time.

Just know that you are worth it and you are enough.

Warmly, Devan

About the Author Devan Robinson is the author of “What’s Your Worth? And I Don’t Mean Money.”, motivational speaker, and life coordinator for women in leadership. She helps women gain confidence and understand their strengths so they can reach their goals without guilt, shame, or fear. When she isn’t working on changing the world, you can usually find her hanging out with her dogs, spending time with her husband, or watching Netflix. If you are interested in learning more about her, check out her website www.developingwithdevan.com.