Kentucky Kernel: April 28, 2022

SPECIAL EDITION kentuckykernel

Thursday, April 28, 2022

Golden Forks

Thursday, April 28, 2022

IN MEMORIAM Looking back at the year as it draws to a close, the Kernel honors those who are no longer with us and remembers their lives and the legacy they left behind. The UK campus community grieved the losses of several of its members, and we hope to commemorate these individuals who died:

Carol Martin "Bill" Gatton, UK alumnus, philanthropist

Joe B. Hall, UK mens basketball coach Chase Lawson, UK sophomore (not pictured)

Joe Graft, UK utility systems engineer

Warren Bryant, Kentucky Hall of Famer (not pictured) Michelle Stadler, UK Alpha Phi house director (not pictured) 2 | kentucky kernel

Thomas "Lofton" Hazelwood, UK freshman

Thursday, April 28, 2022

Humans (and statues) of UK: Bowman turns 10!

By Jessica Kinsella features@kykernel.com

This is Humans of UK, inspired by the Humans of New York Instagram series by photographer and author Brandon Stanton. This series dives into the individuals of UK as well as their stories, strifes and passions.

The Bowman statue, a beloved sculpture of a Wildcat standing seven feet tall in Wildcat Alumni Plaza, is turning 10.

He’s decided he wants to share some of the highlights of his life so far, among all the other Wildcats here at UK. So, you’re turning 10 this month! Wow, happy birthday, Bowman.

Bowman: Why, thank you! And I just wanted to thank all the Wildcats who came to my birthday party on Friday, April 22.

I loved taking pictures with so many students and graduating seniors Seeing my pictures up on Twitter under the hashtag #Bowmanturns10 really made me feel special.

That must have been great! You had a big

Rayleigh Deaton Jack Weaver

editor@kykernel.com News editor:

Hannah Stanley news@kykernel.com

Asst. news editor:

Sarah Michels

Features editor:

Emily Girard features@kykernel.com

Sports editor:

Hunter Shelton sports@kykernel.com

Well, that sounds exciting! How did you get here in the first place?

It seems like you’ve been a campus icon for a while.

Bowman: Yes, certainly. Students seem to think

Editor-in-chief:

Managing editor:

Bowman: Yep! In 2017, my fans threw me a party. There was ice cream from Crank & Boom, and DJ Warren Peace even made an appearance!

Being named after someone so significant must make you proud!

CONTACT

editor@kykernel.com

celebration for your fifth birthday too, right?

Bowman: It all started back in 2012. Some students thought I’d be a great idea, and so the UK Alumni Association provided the funds to make sure I was created. Construction on my plaza was completed on April 3, but I didn’t get my name until fall of that year – there was a vote and everything. In October, my name was revealed.

Students voted to name me after John Bowman, a Kentucky lawyer who founded UK in 1865 and is the reason that all you Wildcats are here.

kentuckykernel

Asst. sports editor:

Cole Parke

Opinions editor:

Brooklyn Kelley opinions@kykernel.com

Photo editor:

Jack Weaver

Art Director:

Michael Clubb

Designer: STAFF FILE PHOTO The Bowman statue on Friday, April 10, 2020, at the University of Kentucky in Lexington, Kentucky.

I’m good luck, taking pictures of me and patting my head or nose as they walk past.

What else have you been up to in your years here, besides celebrating students?

Bowman: I’ve seen a lot of UK history, being in such a prime place on Avenue of Champions. I wasn’t able to be fully installed to see the men’s basketball team win the NCAA Championship in 2012, but I was able to witness the team make it to the championship

game in 2015. I also got to see the student center renovated back in the fall of 2015. Apparently, the designers of the new building liked me so much, they put a second statue of me on the social staircase. And of course, I got to see Lexington power through the COVID-19 pandemic.

That was a pretty lonely time, with so few people on campus. This past semester, someone even put a mask on me. I’m glad I’m not so constricted anymore. The mask mandate is for people, not statues!

Ryder Noah From

Social media manager:

Kaci McCarthy

Newsletter coordinator:

Kaci McCarthy

KENTUCKY KERNEL OFFICES 340 McVey Hall University of Kentucky Lexington, KY 40506

On the cover:

Cover design by Ryder Noah From

spring 2022 | 3

Thursday, April 28, 2022

opinions

Fake-fil-A exposed

By Brooklyn Kelley opinions@kykernel.com

I see the red letters, and I am transported to sunny summer days sitting at the park, a 12-count nugget meal and frosted lemonade in hand. This restaurant franchise is a capsule of good memories for me.

While Chick-fil-A is my personal favorite place to get chicken, I can’t help but notice that the Gatton Student Center location is not quite as magical as the others in the area.

I’d rather drive to Hamburg to get my fix than try my luck at the student center.

Sometimes the student center offers a similar product to off-campus Chick-fil-A locations, but sometimes it is nowhere near as great. I can’t put my finger on what it is exactly, but something makes it feel like a different franchise altogether.

There may be turmoil surrounding the traffic that normally results from Chickfil-A demand across the nation — traffic that often weaves around the establishment not once, but multiple times — but one thing is for sure: there is no chance of that happening at the student center Chickfil-A. Because of the clear difference in the taste of the chicken at the student center Chick-Fil-A, here at the Kernel, we lovingly refer to it as Fake-fil-A. It’s just not the same, and all of us know it.

If we were to take a chicken sandwich from the student center location and one from a “real” location to a lab, would the ingredients be the same? How about the weight of the sandwich? It can’t all be the same.

The Kernel discussed doing this experiment, and we were rather excited about it, but it turns out we didn’t have the funding

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STAFF FILE PHOTO Chick-fil-A is located on the first floor of the Gatton Student Center at the University of Kentucky in Lexington, Kentucky.

for an experiment of that caliber.

Sometimes, intuition can be the most valuable indicator, and my intuition says that the two sandwiches simply would not be the same in any capacity, other than that they are both made at a restaurant called Chick-fil-A. The other Chick-fil-A on campus, the one by The 90, is also not the same quality, but it is typically slightly better. Maybe it’s because it’s isolated from the bustle of

activity around it with its own building, or maybe it’s something intangible, but that one almost feels like an off-campus establishment, just slightly less good. It’s not different enough that I’d put it on Fakefil-A level.

The founders of this great chain establishment did the world a service by bringing this truly set-apart chicken into the world; UK did not do the world a service by installing this specific one in the student

center. I want their chicken throughout the week just as much as the next person, but it’s just not quite as good here.

Don’t get me wrong – I’ll still eat it, because it’s still Chick-fil-A, but I can almost guarantee I won’t enjoy it nearly as much as I would at an off-campus location.

It’s not the service, the people there or the location itself, but something inexplicable that sets this Fake-fil-A apart in a not-so-great way.

Thursday, April 28, 2022

opinions

A rose by any other name: Kernelite says his goodbye

By Ryder Noah From opinions@kykernel.com

Three years, two columns, 26 articles and 58 newspapers. My time at the Kernel has been quite busy, but through all the haze of these past years, I still remember my first encounter with this publication.

A previous editor-in-chief, Rick Childress, spoke in my JOU 101 class, giving me a formal introduction to the Kernel. I knew I wanted to get into college journalism, as I’d only been a part of my high school paper for my final year. So I used my high school knowledge and prepared three examples of a column I was interested in writing about being a freshman in college and the brand new experiences I encountered. Then, I walked into the Kernel newsroom, found Childress, started talking about my ideas, and he quickly asked, “When do you want to get started?” I never thought it’d be so easy.

I began working on my column “High Hopes and Realities of a College Freshman” with my first article in that series being about my instinct to rush friendships and try to get that bond as fast as possible, and then realizing after an unexpected encounter

that it takes time. When I was done with the article, I made a point to the editor to include my middle name in the byline. This was a recent decision as my association between my middle name and my creativity had only sprouted during my last semester of high school.

My subsequent column, “Quarantine Depression Diaries,” also had my middle name in the columns, and other articles I've written outside of my columns share that as well. When I was picked to be officially on staff as a designer, I made sure to put Noah in the staff list.

I don’t know how much lore exists with middle names in contemporary America. Perhaps my observation of some of my peers incorporating their middle names into their lives as a modern trend is merely a reflection of my lack of historical knowledge, but it still begs the question, “Who am I to think I’m quirky and different?”

My columns were a personal view into my life and experiences. I was under the impression that some moments in my world were special and worthy of being shared with others. Back in high school, everyone in the newspaper had to have

a column. I wanted mine to be an advice column, but my teacher wouldn’t allow it, because who was I to tell people what to do? What credibility did I have?

I think we all feel like we’re romanticizing life a little more than it merits, like going to a coffee shop to do homework but ending up only basking in the vibes, taking pictures of everything because anything can be an aesthetic or thinking in a cool moment if you’re going to remember it forever.

But what is life without a little drama? If our experiences are our own, then we should feel free to assign them whatever uniqueness or specialness we want without feeling cringey. So when one of the Kernel photographers decides to fry pancakes and bacon in the newsroom (for legal reasons, this is a hypothetical scenario), I can think it’s special and my life is unique, and in turn, I am also unique.

For most of my life, I never engaged in anything creative. I made being a student my priority and thought grades were everything. While I still desperately cling to my A’s, I now have other goals in mind that tap into the more creative side of me that went unsupported for a long

MICHAEL CLUBB I STAFF Ryder Noah From poses for a portrait on Wednesday, April 27, 2022, in Lexington, Kentucky.

time.

Last year, when I would only leave my dorm for classes and food out of fear of getting COVID, and even now, when my social life isn’t what it was my freshman year, I could use a little Noah here and there. Even when others think it’s meaningless or I

see someone else use their middle name and I think I’m unoriginal, I know that I do play a unique part in the world.

For the Kernel in particular, I’ve played the designer role, creating what everyone sees when they open the paper and finding a way to piece together ev-

ery aspect of journalism to create a unique product every Wednesday. I hope that whoever fills my role next year is not afraid to want to be different. The Kernel needs people who want to stand out, for we can never strive to be a bigger person if we think we’re unworthy of it.

spring 2022 | 5

Thursday, April 28, 2022

PERSONAL ADS...

Andrew Oppmann

Editor-in-chief, 1983-84 Congrats to the staff and supporters keeping the Kernel alive, vital and engaged with its audiences. You continue to make a difference -- in all formats. And you make us alums proud to be Kernelites.

Jennifer Greer

Nancy Green

We are proud of all our Kernel staffers and media students. Looking forward to the 22/23 academic year successes.

Mary Agnes Donohue

Dean, CI Congratulations to the students who do such a great job of putting out the Kentucky Kernel, KRNL, the Year in Photos, Inside UK and all the other great publications to serve our campus. You are carrying on an amazing history of journalistic excellence and you're charting a bright future for us all. Bravo!

It is such a lovely time in the Bluegrass State … from the beautiful ponies at the track; to hearing our boy, Chris Stapleton-along with Sheryl & Willieat Commonwealth Stadium (and Elton John at Rupp). I am grateful to live in this wonderful area and be an alumna of the CC&I and UK! Keep up the great work, Kentucky Kernel!

Brian Smith

Fran Stewart

Richard LeComte

Congrats to the Kernel and the college!

You have a great dean. Congrats also to graduating senior Olaoluwapo Onitiri.

Jackie Powell

Writer, ad sales, layout, 1993-97 Cheers to Rick Roth for the encouragement toward entrepreneurship, and to Catherine Hayden for the continued support and collaboration.

Jack Guthrie

Congratulations to the Kentucky Kernel for a very successful One Day for UK!

Stringer, 2004-06 The future of journalism is in good hands with your hard work.

Happy to support a new generation of reporters and editors. Keep speaking truth to power.

Editor-in-chief, 1986-87 Wishing all of my Kernel staff members of 1986-87 a happy 35th anniversary! I look back on my Kernel years so fondly and hope you do too. You all shaped my path and enriched my life.

Best wishes to Dr. Don Helme as he takes on the role of Associate Dean for Research for the College of Communication and Information.

Here's to great success!

Mason, We are so proud of all you have achieved, especially during your first semester at UK. You are the best of both — big dreams and courage of a Texan with the fight and heart of a Wildcat. We love you! Mom and Dad.

Tina M. Navis

Chris Larmour

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Congrats Jonathan Owen Navis on your graduation from the MSACC program at UK & you're future career with Dean Dorton!

Dad & I are so proud! Love, Mom

Nancy Grant Harrington

7 years, UK CI Staff Best wishes to Dr. Beth Barnes as she retires and takes the next step in her life's journey!

Thursday, April 28, 2022

...FROM ONE DAY FOR UK DONORS Kakie Urch

Columnist, reporter, copy editor, arts staff Congratulations to the 2021-22 Executive Board and membership of the Bluegrass Chapter of the National Association of Black Journalists on their successful year and their internships, job offers and graduate placements! Prof. Kakie Urch, NABJ student chapter faculty advisor.

Especial thanks to President Brandy Jackson!

Scott Johnson

Live Music is Better! Want to book an amazing Americana acoustic duo for your next festival or private event?

Carrie Johnson & Taylor Hampton are booking for Summer and Fall 2022.

Expect an eclectic mix of musical genres and eras, original music and clever covers of classic songs. They’re professional and fun! Visit www.CarrieAndTaylor. com for audio-video samples and contact info. Oh...and don’t forget to wish Carrie Johnson a "Happy Birthday.”

Judith Kentucky Clabes

1963-67 The Northern Kentucky Tribune and its founders Judy and Gene Clabes, both Kernel alumni, and Mike Farrell, late j-school dean, are and were proud of the great experience The Kernel provides for the journalists of tomorrow. The Clabes fondly remember the era of Bill and Walter Grant, Terry Hunt, David Hawpe, Frank Browning, Sam Abell and so many others, where lifetime friendships were made and flourished.

Matthew Noe

Nathan Darce

Congratulations to the Kentucky Kernel for such a successful year! Excited for what is next!

Erika Engstrom

The UK School of Journalism and Media wishes the best of luck to Media Arts and Studies Professor John Clark on his retirement from UK after nearly 30 years of service and to Lecturer Andrew Dawson as he leaves UK for a new job at Fox 19 in Cincinnati!

Rebekah Tilley

In 2003-05, Drs. Doug Boyd and Jim Hertog opened my eyes to a whole world of knowledge in my graduate classes. A little over a year ago, I reached out to them both and asked if they would consider writing recommendation letters for me for a PhD program at the University of Iowa. Though 15+ years had gone by, they graciously did.

On the strength of those letters, I got into the program. This is why UK and its people are special.

Wishing all the library workers in the University of Kentucky Libraries system, and beyond, the best! The pandemic has been hard on us all and library folks have taken on more stress than we ever signed up for. Despite the exhaustion, the grief, the burnout, you've kept providing vital resources and answers.

In thanks and in solidarity!

Lini S. Kadaba

Executive editor 1983-1984 Congratulations to the Kernel staff. As a one-time executive editor of the Kernel, I can't wait to see what you do with the One Day for UK donations. Go!

Regan Nichols

Sending love to my amazing partner, Matt Nichols, whom I met in UK Freshman English. I was lucky to find both a college major and person I was passionate about in CI.

Diane Massie

Thanks to the University of Kentucky for all the great things it does for the Commonwealth of Kentucky! Here's to another 150 years of doing good! #OneDayforUK

spring 2022 | 7

Thursday, April 28, 2022

golden FORKS

Years ago – or so the legend goes – an embittered Kernelite came back to the office, upset, hurt and insulted. A prominent campus figure had unfairly harangued the young reporter for an offense that he did not commit.

It was at that moment, in the heat and sweat of frustration, that the young editor vowed revenge. From those feelings of hate the Golden Forks were born. As a testament to that young reporter, we take it upon ourselves to strike back with venomous pleasure at those who have wronged the mighty “Fourth Estate.”

Editor’s note: OK, so that’s a lie. We’re just college students who feel like venting their frustrations at the end of the year. And in a post, but maybe still during, COVID world, we have more than enough source material for roasts and equally great need for some humor to lighten our days. It’s unfortunate that some of you must bear the brunt of that, but it’s also unfortunate that we had to deal with it in the first place.

Until then, if you’re upset, feel free to send in letters to the editor-in-chief as always. But this is the last issue, so they won’t get printed, but we’ll still read them. Have a good summer.

This blurb was adapted from the April 28, 1989, edition of the Golden Forks awards.

BEST SOCIAL MEDIA YikYak If you’re someone who uses social media as an avenue to say something you wouldn’t otherwise say in person, then YikYak is the platform for you. The app has a turbulent history, being established in 2013 and then shut down in 2017 after reports of cyberbullying and hate speech. But in August 2021, the app re-launched with a new moderation feature, allowing college students across the country to share their anonymous Yaks once more. Now everyone within a fivemile radius of you can share their innermost thoughts without having to worry about the consequences of having an account associated with their statements, making it the perfect opportunity to vent all your inner frustrations. You can even drop people’s names – it’s not like anyone is going to find you out. Though the mascot is a yak, YikYak is where the beef runs wild.

BIGGEST GLOW UP White Hall bathrooms In last year’s Golden Forks, Natalie Parks named White Hall the campus building with the worst bathrooms. Obviously, UK listened, rolling out renovations for the spring semester. Either that, or UK realized it couldn’t get away with having non-ADA-compliant bathrooms in one of the most visited campus buildings anymore. Sure, it was inconvenient only having bathrooms on one side of the building for a few months. However, you’ll find it was worth it once you see the clean, spacious interiors with lights around the mirrors perfect for doing makeup or filming TikToks and doors that, shockingly, actually lock. Maybe if we stare into the electric mirrors enough, we’ll forget that we should’ve always had decent, accommodating facilities at an institution we give thousands of dollars to every year. Or that UK should consider disabled people way more in its architecture and design plans. At least the toilets aren’t clogged anymore.

every day. every hour. kykernel.com

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Thursday, April 28, 2022

MOST LIKELY TO CHOKE UK mens basketball John Calipari and his Wildcats were needing the Heimlich maneuver inside Gainbridge Fieldhouse in Indianapolis this March. Shaheen Holloway, Doug Edert, Peter the Peacock and the gang provided one of the biggest losses in UK Basketball history, sending Big Blue Nation into a frenzy of panic for the foreseeable future. Lexingtonians will be coughing up peacock feathers for months.

MOST LIKELY TO REDACTED University of Kentucky Trying to cove UK Blue felt like trying the White House. Why? Well when lost DanceBlue’s PR lost folks choose a to follow you around stand over your the entire six-year a me, it lawsuit feels like you’re being and by secret service age six-year we'd had hopes of like to DanceBlue thank like every them campus event. But that for the to be rather difficult. memories, your security and great, but it w lawsuit ssary. legal fees

BEST WATER PARK Holmes Hall Where can you find the best sprinkler and water park on campus? Holmes Hall. After a sprinkler broke on April 4, hallways and bedrooms held inches of water, creating the perfect waterpark for the warmer weather. Although the 40 or so students affected weren’t the happiest about the unexpected renovations to their rooms, tuition already costs so much, and a free waterpark is a free waterpark if you ask me.

spring 2022 |9

Thursday, April 28, 2022

LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER EMAILS UK professors Do you need to spill your guts to someone who will never respond? Thankfully, all UK professors have an email where your concerns will be instantly sent to their trash folder! Having a hard time with classes? Send an email. A general question about assignments? Send an email. Roommate just getting on your nerves? Send an email. Need a recommended place to eat in Lexington? Send an email. You’re sure to not get a response!

BIGGEST CASH GRAB On campus parking Is $12,000 in state tuition not enough? UK Transportation Services has got you covered! Park anywhere on campus and receive a complimentary parking violation. Want your car close to your dorm? Apply and beg for the chance to pay over $400 per year to maybe get a spot within two miles of your dorm!! Don’t worry, those with permits aren’t excluded from all the fun. Misread the vague, haphazardly posted parking signs, and you could still win your own parking violation!

BASKETBALL KING & QUEEN Oscar Tshiebwe & Rhyne Howard While the season ended poorly for both the mens and womens basketball teams, Oscar Tshiebwe and Rhyne Howard each managed to take the hearts of campus all season long. Oscar, the gentle giant who won’t hesitate to crush you for a rebound, and Rhyne, the downright hooper who willed Kentucky to the NCAA Tournament.

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Thursday, April 28, 2022

BEST SECURITY DanceBlue

LEAST LIKELY TO JAYWALK Starship food robots The Starship food delivery robots are so cute you almost just want to hug them. And if you’re not careful, they might end up hugging your ankles on your way to class. Being their first year on UK’s campus, the robots seem like babies, still learning to walk as they rock back and forth, move in jagged zigzag patterns and pulling at the heartstrings of students everywhere. And when it comes to crosswalks, oh man. It seems like they’ll wait days before building up the courage to cross the road. We never thought we’d have to wait on our Starbucks to cross Avenue of Champions or be sung “All the Single Ladies” by a small robot, and yet here we are. Not all of the robots are innocent little children, though.

Some have been known to hit students or find their way under car tires. Maybe natural selection will rule those weaklings out of our food-delivering fleet as we await them to gain sentience and eventually take over the university.

Trying to cover DanceBlue felt like trying to get into the White House. Why? Well when DanceBlue’s PR folks choose to follow you around and stand over your shoulder the entire time, it almost feels like you’re being watched by secret service agents. The Kernel had hopes of covering DanceBlue just like every other campus event. But that proved to be rather difficult. Yeah, your security was great, but it was very unnecessary.

There seemed to be more restrictions covering DanceBlue than all of the other venues we covered this year, including Amalie Arena, Rupp Arena, Kroger Field and Madison Square Garden – combined. All for what? A bunch of students dancing for 24 hours straight. At least they were COVID conscious and made sure to keep us off the floor for most of the event and stuck in the bleachers with the alumni and spectators – you know, where COVID doesn’t exist.

EMS’ NUMBER ONE FANS Jewell Hall Jewell Hall rang in the first weekend of the new school year with an EMS call due to kids jumping and breaking the elevator. Clearly, the Jewell Hall-EMS connection was bound to be an everlasting relationship. After starting the semester in such a positive way, students ended the first semester with a few bangs — or more so alarms.

With three calls in less than 36 hours, Jewell Hall relied on their trusty friends to take on the emergency of two pulled fire extinguishers and burning ramen in the freshman dorm. EMS, we thank you for keeping the dumb and dumbers safe, as well as the victims of Jewell Hall 2021-2022.

fall 2021 | 11

Thursday, April 28, 2022

golden FORKS

Donors

Mark and Betty Clubb

Congratulations Michael! We are so proud of you! Love, Mom and Dad

Ty Halpin

Sports editor/Managing editor Proud to continue to support the Kernel and the independence it enjoys! Now let's get a proper newsroom!

Bailey Vandiver

Editor-in-chief, 2018-19 To the 2018-19 staff of the Kentucky Kernel ("whatever it is"), Y'all are the bomb.

Love, Bailey

Akhira Umar

Hubby Smith

Photographer/Photo editor, 1995-99 Congratulations to Professor Jen Smith on another winning semester.

John Spalding

3 years, Kernel lifestyle editor Big shoutout to my support system at UK (Kentucky Kernel, College of Communication and Information and English Department) for finding ways to keep me on campus. Been here since 2017, but I guess you won't be getting rid of me yet! #BBN

Ad sales assistant to the assistant Shoutout to my former ad sales buddies Dennis Bonifer and Brad Wills. Only they could get me through the Sem Shirazi experience. Love the Kernel, happy to support!

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Ann Rogers

1985-86, Contributing writer Here I am many, MANY moons later being published in the Kentucky Kernel again. But this time I paid for my words. Onward!

Todd Jones

Sports editor, 1988 Now we can finally afford a new chamois.

Your Boss

Student Media Director Ryan Craig has driven me to drink, well, drink more, that is. Of course, it's Kentucky Bourbon, so that's not such a bad thing. But if this man does not learn how to complete his work correctly and ON TIME, I may have go all Led Tasso on him. But then he will be all “It hurt my feeling.” But seriously, Ryan, be better. I Believe you can. Remember, our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson – on a high.

Thursday, April 28, 2022

sports

Korny Kernel sports headlines

Our sports editors work hard to bring you the latest of UK Athletics in a very professional way.

But that doesn’t stop them from coming up with some … interesting … headlines. Despite repeated rejection (and requests for them to cease and desist,) they kept producing these truly horrible headlines week after week. To thank them for their hard work and stubbornness, we present a sampling of some of these headlines. We hope you enjoy what might have been.

STATE OF THE BLUNION: What to know about UK football midway through spring practice (GET IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!, UNION, BUT BLUE????? AMIRITE!) CAT SCAN: (GET IT?!)

UK fully healthy once again in win over Ole Miss Oh how SWEEP it is: UK Softball sweeps 2022 Hillenbrand Invitational Rocky Toppled: No. 4 Kentucky routed in 76-63 loss to No. 16 Tennessee PASTURES BLUE: OSCAR TSHIEBWE READY TO MAKE MARK IN LEXINGTON Kentucky men’s and women’s tennis SWING into action (GET IT?!?! Like swinging a tennis racket??? AMIRITE?!)

Quinn it to win it Big Bad Brett meets Big Blue Nation Puckleberry Quinn (Get it, cause like Huckleberry Finn, but Puck because hockey puck, Quinn because Brett… AMIRITE?! ...It’s 3 AM rn)

PLACEHOLDER

- I like this title we should keep it fall 2021 | 13

Thursday, April 28, 2022

CROSSWORD ACROSS 4. Big dance; not red.

5. A decade of selfies with this Wildcat.

8. First to be picked in WNBA draft.

9. A fun place to park by the mall during rush hour.

10. Home of the world's steepest stairs.

13. A souper place to sled.

16. The world's tallest building; or an unsimplified fraction.

17. The annual running of the Greeks.

18. The world's best WiFi. 20. We see them rollin', except when at a crosswalk.

DOWN 1. Five stories of stories.

2. Like Aristotle crooning.

3. This monument "foots" the bill for students' finals.

6. Coliseum or hall.

7. Particularly fiery street with no usable couches.

11. Campus award-winning newspaper.

12. The pre-football show; or a modeling runway.

14. The ultimate rebound.

15. The sun shines _____ 19. A street by any other name (which is always under construction).

20. Approximately 1/2 of a Wildcat mascot.

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SUDOKU Each Sudoku puzzle has nine horizontal rows and nine vertical columns. Fill out the puzzle so that each number, one through nine, appears only once in each column and once in each row.

There are also nine boxes that are three spaces by three spaces. Each number one through nine should appear only once in each box as well.

8 1 7 2 8 4 5 7 4 7 6 2 8 3 6 3

7

9

7

9

6

1 2 4 9 5 6 1 5 7 2 8 3 5 1

Puzzle by websudoku.com

Thursday, April 28, 2022

opinions

The Kernel golf cart:

A survival story

By Rayleigh Deaton opinions@kykernel.com

It all happened so quickly.

Wait, no, not really. We definitely saw it coming and it was definitely preventable.

For context, back in September, the Kernel’s art director, Michael Clubb, and I were sitting in the newsroom doing homework and being generally very productive I’m sure. We got a message from Jack Weaver, the managing editor, that his roommate had seen several EMS vehicles lined up on S Limestone, and Michael and I decided to go check it out in case there was breaking news that needed coverage.

Side note, one of the perks of being editor-in-chief of the Kernel is you get to use the Kernel’s golf cart whenever you want, or at least whenever you know where it is. (There’s nothing like waving at the proletariat peasants who have to WALK everywhere from the comfort of a golf cart that definitely always works.)

So anyway, Michael and I were going to take the golf cart from the Kernel newsroom in McVey Hall – if you don’t know where that is, honestly good for you – and drive it up S Limestone toward the hospital, where the reported action was going down.

We got on the sidewalk and were on our merry way when we

approached The Spot.

I still shudder even now, dear reader, as I write this. The events you are about to read will stay with you for the rest of your days, as they do in mine. I must warn you, if you are adverse to harrowing tales of almost certain, unavoidable disaster, stop reading now before it is too late.

The Spot. Across the street from the Hub, there is a stone wall that runs along the sidewalk, and there is a wooden electric pole on the opposite side of the sidewalk near the intersection of S Limestone and Huguelet Avenu, creating a space in the middle. A space that just so happens to be approximately one golf cart in width.

You see where this is going.

And I did too.

From the passenger side, I saw this tiny space get closer and closer as we sped toward it at a blazing 10 miles per hour. Now, I had just known Michael for a few months, as I was the new kid at the Kernel. He’s also a senior, and surely that comes with a degree of wisdom and knowledge, right? So who was I to question his authority?

Turns out a few more credit hours don’t mean squat when it comes to driving a golf cart.

“I don’t know that we’re going to fit,” I said. “(Insert sound of just completely misplaced confidence)

PHOTO BY DAVID STEPHENSON Jack Weaver, Rayleigh Deaton and Michael Clubb, left to right, wait for maintenance to tow the Kernel's golf cart out from between a utility pole and a brick wall after Clubb got the golf cart stuck on Monday, Sept. 13, 2022, in front of Scovell Hall in Lexington, Kentucky.

Oh, we’ll fit,” he said.

We fit, all right. Like a glove.

Never has the phrase “between a rock and a hard place” held such personal meaning for me, as I sat there in a golf cart, wedged between a stone wall and an electric pole next to S Limestone. Unflapped, Michael first had the idea of flooring the gas pedal (which got us even more stuck) and then putting the golf cart in reverse and trying to free us by backing up (didn’t work).

I was dying of laughter by this

point, but I still had a job to do.

Definitely just because I needed to cover any breaking news and absolutely not because I was at all second-hand embarrassed and wanted to be as far from that situation as possible, I hopped out of the golf cart, told Michael I’d go ahead and see if anything was happening and sprinted the several blocks to the hospital.

Long story short, there was not an EMS vehicle in sight – I don’t know what Jack’s roommate saw but it was long gone by

the time I got there. We had to get a gator golf cart with a winch to free the Kernel-mobile, the dean of the College of CI drove by, and lots of laughs were shared by all.

Oh, all except Michael, of course.

That must have been super embarrassing, can’t even imagine.

Anyway, that’s how we found out that the space between the stone wall and the electric pole on S Limestone is exactly one golf cart in size. They should put a plaque up or something, it’s definitely worth commemorating.

fall 2021 | 15

Thursday, April 28, 2022

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