The Kent Stater - April 30, 2018 by The Kent Stater

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THE INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER | MONDAY, APRIL 30, 2018

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2 The Kent Stater

Monday, April 30, 2018

NEWS

Open-carry advocates draw crowd, create peaceful discussion about gun rights Addie Gall Student Politics Reporter Open and concealed-carry advocates gathered on Risman Plaza Friday. Many Second Amendment advocates wore stickers that said “guns save lives” and carried their firearms as well. Kaitlin Bennett, one of the co-organizers of the event, the president of Kent State’s Liberty Hangout chapter and a senior biology major, said they converged to create the opportunity for dialogue with others about the importance of the Second Amendment. According to EveryTown for Gun Safety, there have been more than 300 school shootings in America since 2013 — an average of about one a week. This increase in gun violence sparked a growing debate on whether gun legislation needs to be changed. The university sent out an email to all students and staff to make them aware of the demonstration. The email reminded students, staff and faculty they are not permitted to carry firearms on campus, but visitors could, and no weapons are allowed inside a university building. The email also told students there would be a police presence, and the demonstration was not affiliated with the university. The demonstration was co-organized by Bennett and Jeffry Smith, a gun rights advocate and firearms instructor from Cincinnati, who has organized similar demonstrations in the past. Bennett, who has previously criticized those unwilling to have an open discussion about gun legislation, said dialogue was the main purpose of the demonstration. “We want to show people we are

responsible and open to conversation,” Bennett said. As the number of gun rights advocates grew on the plaza, conversations began to spark. Smith said it was a success and that creating peaceful conversation with others was important and was the purpose of the day. “We wanted to spur dialogue about gun rights and privileges centered around a discussion that is rarely had,” Smith said. Because university policy prohibits students from bringing their firearms on campus, many wore empty holsters or held signs to advocate for their Second Amendment right. Mackenzie Catalano, a junior finance major, held one that read, “Gun rights are LGBTQ+ rights.” Catalano said, as a gay man, he wants to be able to protect himself from those who wish him harm. “I hope that people understand what they are advocating for,” Catalano said. Not all those who attended the demonstration were in favor of open carry. Greg Fisher, a Kent resident, dressed in red, white and blue, and sported a hat that made him resemble Uncle Sam. “How many times have you seen a gun actually stop a gunman?” Fisher said. “Get rid of the guns, get rid of the killing.” In the wake of recent mass shootings such as the one in Parkland, the debate on gun legislation seems to have received an increase in attention, even on Kent State’s own campus. “You have to educate yourself,” Catalano said. “We want people to know that people with guns are not scary.” Contact Addie Gall at agall7@kent.edu.

On the cover: Anna Zsinko sheds tears while she remincises about her son’s life on Wednesday. Anna’s son Matt died of a heroin overdose in August 2015. Since Matt’s death, Anna has become involved in many groups and organizations that have helped raise awareness of the heroin epidemic. Zac Popik / The Kent Stater

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Greg Fisher from Kent, Ohio, argues with demonstrator Aaron Spalding during the open carry demonstration Friday. Adrian Leuthauser / The Kent Stater

We want to show people we are responsible and open to conversation.” – Kaitlin Bennett President of Kent State’s Liberty Hangout Chapter

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Freedom Sings concert stresses importance of First Amendment

Conor Battles CCI and Libraries Reporter

The music of artists as diverse as Beyoncé and the Beatles was used to discuss the importance and relevance of the First Amendment to Kent State students at the Freedom Sings concert and lecture Thursday night. Freedom Sings is a musical education initiative founded by the Newseum Institute, a Washington, D.C.-based organization dedicated to spreading awareness of the freedoms granted by the First Amendment to journalists and everyday people. The May 4 Visitors Center and the College of Communication and Information co-sponsored the event. A major focus of this year’s May 4 programming has been the role of the First Amendment in the lives of student activists, culminating in this interactive performance. “Students on May 4 knew their First Amendment rights,” said Mindy Farmer, the director of the May 4 Visitors Center. “And students today, carrying on that legacy, need to know their First Amendment rights. We usually tell our students when they go on our tours that they’re inheriting a history of activism, and this is part of their new identity.” The band, featuring songwriters Sara Beck, Bill Lloyd, Jonell Mosser, Jason White, Seth Timbs and former Prince guitarist Dez Dickerson, played a wide array of songs and styles to students at Cartwright Hall to convey

the impact of protest songs and controversial music throughout modern history. “We often think about protests and other instances where the First Amendment has been tested, but people rarely think about music,” Farmer said. “(Freedom Sings) is an interesting way of looking at the First Amendment through music. It’s a real-deal concert with an important educational focus.” Audience interaction was a vital part of the show. The performances were accompanied by a handful of mini-lectures, question-and-answer segments and multimedia presentations about why a given song, artist or movement was an important example of the First Amendment in action. “I think Freedom Sings is a really compelling way to get people interested in the role of protest and expression — sometimes unpopular expression — in making changes to our society,” said Mark Goodman, a professor of journalism and mass communication, who proposed the event to the May 4 Center. “I heard the program for the first time probably 15 or more years ago and was just really blown away by it. When I came here to Kent State in 2008, one of the first things I thought was that a program like this would have a special relevance on our campus.” One of the evening’s most memorable moments came with the inevitable performance of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young’s “Ohio,” the legendary folk-rock response to the events of May 4. The song is a staple of Freedom Sings concerts, but the solemn nature of the

“Freedom Sings” performs at Cartwright Hall Thursday. Photo courtesy of Melanie Nesteruk

performance took on an even stronger impact when played on Kent State’s campus. “People feel a real affinity for music,” Goodman said. “One of the nice things about Freedom Sings is that it tells the story of the First Amendment through a wide variety of musical genres. Everything from rap to

country has had its own connections to free expression. My goal is for more people to appreciate the role free expression plays in our society and how they have a voice that can make the world a better place.”

Contact Conor Battles at cbattle8@kent.edu.

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4 The Kent Stater

Monday, April 30, 2018

Underage alcohol arrests in Kent over the past two years Natalie Eusebio Commuter and Apartments Reporter In Kent, most underage alcohol arrests happen on city streets during the weekend. The majority of the prohibition arrests from the past two years happened after 11 p.m., According to Kent Police records obtained by the Kent Stater. As the records show, the most popular streets for arrests are Main and University. “We aren’t hiding in bushes trying to catch people. People walk down the street carrying open containers,” said Kent City Police Lt. Michael Lewis. Lewis also said a good portion of these arrests happen on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. The arrests are filed as a “prohibition” arrest, meaning the individual was either under the influence of alcohol or in possession of alcohol out in a public place. The records showed 594 prohibition arrests between 2015 and 2017. “If it is a large scale drinkingevent, like Fake Patty’s or Halloween, then we are out patrolling the streets and interacting with people earlier in the day,” said Tricia Knoles, the community resource officer for Kent State University Police Department (KSUPD). Knoles said students arrested off campus still face consequences on campus. Lewis said a majority of the prohibition arrests made offcampus are students that are visibly intoxicated while walking down the street. “They are walking downtown, or walking back to campus from a house party. Typically they are intoxicated so they walk into the street, urinate, or pass out on front

campus,” Knoles said. “We usually have at least one person a week transported offcampus for alcohol poisoning,” Knoles said. Knoles said the city will cite the individual, and the student will then be referred to the Office of Student Conduct by the police. Knoles said that Kent City Police and campus police have a jointjurisdiction agreement that covers Lincoln Avenue, University Drive, Main Street and Sherman Street. “We both have ability to arrest and patrol traffic in those areas. Primarily if there is an issue in that area then Kent city police would handle it and file the report,” said Knoles. As far as on-campus arrests go, Lewis said they are usually minor offenses and handled with a summons instead of an arrest. If a student is arrested off campus, and it is their first offense, Lewis said that they will be referred to a diversion program. Victoria Guinsler is a senior paralegal studies major at Kent State. Guinsler lives on Sherman Street. “There isn’t a whole lot that happens on our street, but people use our street to cut through to go to parties,” Guinsler said. Guinsler said no intoxicated person has ever blatantly disrupted her evening while she was home. Guinsler also said people walk through their yard to get to parties. “People walk through our yard and will walk past my window during the middle of the night. We can hear the music and stuff from other parties too,” Lewis said. Guinsler said on holidays, like Fake Patty’s Day, the festivities start much earlier. “This year I was woken up at 6 a.m. by some obnoxious song playing at a house nearby,” Guinsler said. Lewis said they aren't hiding in bushes to catch people.

“On days like St. Patrick’s day when they are walking down the street in broad daylight carrying alcohol under 21. We aren’t hiding in bushes trying to catch people. People walk down the street carrying open containers,” said Lewis. Lewis said it is a common misconception that police try to target students. From experience, Lewis and the other police officers know that certain streets tend to have more parties. “Sometimes we get a call to a specific house, when you are talking about East Main or University Drive, you’re probably going to have three or four parties or more right in a row,” said Lewis. Multiple fraternity houses are located on Main Street and University Drive. Lewis said once officers are out walking the street, they usually find people in possession or under the influence. When it comes to apartment complexes, Lewis said they have had less problems and received less calls since apartments have started employing private security. Lewis said security guards can handle the problems happening before police get there. “Sometimes security will call us in if they aren’t getting any corporation from the party guests,” Lewis said. “That really isn’t smart of the people at the party not to work with security.” Knoles said the KSUPD is only called out to situations at apartments if there is a particularly out of control party. “They will call us if they need a few extra hands,” she said. Lewis said that they do not often see repeat offenders. “Hopefully it is an eye-opening experience for them," he said. Contact Natalie Eusebio at neusebio@kent.edu

Map of all underage drinking arrests from 2015-2017. Natalie Eusebio / The Kent Stater

Monday, April 30, 2018

KentWired.com 5

Review

‘Avengers: Infinity War’ is a must-watch on spectacle alone Cameron Hoover Sports Editor “Avengers: Infinity War” is an epic achievement for film and comic book fans alike, even if the clustering of writers, actors and directors can’t quite achieve a coherent flow to the plot. “Avengers: Infinity War” follows our favorite heroes from previous installments in the Marvel Cinematic Universe as they face their most formidable foe yet: Thanos. Thanos is searching the galaxy with the Black Order looking for the infinity stones, six artifacts from the universe’s creation that can manipulate time and space. His goal? Find all six, and “balance the universe,” a.k.a. wipe out half of its existence. The sheer magnitude of “Avengers: Infinity War” is something to behold. Just 10 years ago at the inception of the Marvel Cinematic Universe with 2008’s “Iron Man,” the mere premise sounded insane. But a decade later, we have a Norse god taking on an army of bug people with a space raccoon and a talking tree, and it somehow all makes sense. The screenplay from Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely balances the character arcs well enough to keep the 149-minute film moving at a brisk pace. Sometimes heroes can do things that seem out of character, which can sometimes be very annoying. It’s obviously one of the perils of building a singular, cohesive story on the backs of 18 previous films. Often criticized for following an unwavering formula with lackluster villains and a penchant for not taking chances, “Avengers: Infinity War” absolutely has to be commended. Marvel films are generally known for a more happy-go-lucky feel, trading the doom and gloom of DC’s Christopher Nolan Batman trilogy for jokes and lighthearted jabs between characters. The laughs are still here in spades, from Guardians of the Galaxy’s Drax and from Robert Downey Jr.’s iconic Iron Man, but there’s a different tone. Thanos is, undoubtedly, the most frightening Marvel Cinematic Universe villain to date. With each word and fight scene, it genuinely feels like no one is safe. Alan Silvestri’s iconic score and Avengers theme song have even been tweaked to add an extra layer of dread to each of the film’s important later scenes.

Thanos is one of Marvel’s best-written characters put to screen. Even when he wants to wipe out half of humanity, the viewer can almost feel a twisted sense of empathy toward his ideals. Thanos isn’t just some mustache-twirling Bond villain from the 60s; he has a reason for what he does. Even if what he does is despicable, it’s refreshing for the audience to be able to empathize with a Marvel villain. As much praise is deserved for juggling so many larger-than-life personalities throughout the film, this is also where the story falters a bit toward the middle sections. The Russo brothers did an incredible job directing so many people, but we only have so long with each character. There’s a sense of urgency from Thanos’ impending annihilation of everything we know, but that leaves us with a few characters, mainly some of the oldest, most popular original Avengers, who might not get as much screen time as the audience may expect. Regardless, “Avengers: Infinity War” is a technical marvel, no pun intended. Shot entirely on IMAX cameras for the first time in cinematic history, the cinematography and choreography of the fight scenes is secondto-none. The Russo brothers have definitely learned from their time directing superhero flicks, ditching the quick-cut shaky cam from “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” for a wider, more John Wick-esque frame in “Avengers: Infinity War.” If nothing else, “Avengers: Infinity War” is a must-see because of what it means. When the Marvel Cinematic Universe started, naysayers lined the internet and trumpeted their reasons for why it was never going to work. And a decade later, superhero films, from Marvel especially, have transcended nerd culture to the point where no one moves once the credits roll, just in case there’s a glimpse into the next chapter. “Avengers: Infinity War” is an emotional, sometimes lopsided story, shot beautifully and acted to perfection. The ending of the film (no spoilers, duh) will floor the audience, and people are already raving mad online trying to figure out where the story goes next. Marvel knows it has us in the palm of its hand, and it doesn’t look like that’s changing any time soon. Contact Cameron Hoover at choove14@kent.edu. Movie poster courtesy of Marvel Studios.

6 The Kent Stater

Monday, April 30, 2018

SPORTS

Flashes secure 15th-straight MAC Tournament appearance with sweep at Bowling Green Chad Flannery Sports Reporter For the Kent State softball team, its current success couldn’t have come at a better time. The Flashes won their last six games, sweeping conference opponents Buffalo and Bowling Green. Their most recent wins Saturday allowed them to clinch a spot in the Mid-American Conference Tournament for a 15th straight year. “It feels good,” said coach Eric Oakley. “It’s one of our goals to win the MAC Tournament. The first step is to get there, and today we got in.” Kent State (26-19, 12-8 MAC) was able to capture a weekend sweep against Bowling Green (25-23, 7-12 MAC) thanks to dominant pitching and success on offense. “We played really well,” Oakley said. “We got the runs we needed and had great pitching.” Holly Speers had a great series for the Flashes, going 3-for-3, scoring four runs and knocking in four RBI. She was also walked seven times this weekend, and two of her three hits were home runs. Kent State is entering the final week of the regular season and will have four games this week, including a three-game weekend series at home against rival Akron. “It’s just a matter of making sure we’re playing good ball,” Oakley said. “Right now, we are playing good defense, pitching well and we’re hitting the ball. Those are obviously the three components of the game, and it’s going pretty well right now.”

Game 1: Kent State 7, Bowling Green 0

Sophomore pitcher Madi Huck was phenomenal in this game for the Flashes. She allowed only three hits and struck out four in a complete game shutout to begin the weekend series. Freshman Brenna Brownfield started off the scoring for the Flashes in the second inning with a solo home run to left field. In the third, Kent State would plate two more thanks to an RBI single by Bailey Brownfield, which scored Kaitlyn Miller, and a wild pitch, which brought home Emily Dobbin. Kennadie Goth added an insurance run in the fourth when she singled up the middle and scored Miller yet again to make the score 4-0. After the bases were walked full for the

Flashes, Carlee Selle knocked in pinch runner Sydney Anderson on an RBI single to extend the lead to five. In the sixth, Holly Speers capped off a solid offensive day for Kent State with a tworun homer to right center field to make the score 7-0. Huck (15-7) got the win on the mound for Kent State. She did not allow a single Bowling Green baserunner to advance past second base in the entire game. This shutout marked the sixth of the season for Huck.

Game 2: Kent State 4, Bowling Green 3 Kent State carried their offensive hot streak into the first game of Saturday’s doubleheader. Bailey Brownfield started the Flashes off strong with a two-RBI double in the first inning, which scored Speers and Dobbin. Maria Cegledy would also hit a sacrifice fly to center to score Brownfield to make the score 3-0. The Falcons would begin their comeback in the second with an RBI single by Kellie Natham to cut the deficit to two. In the third, a two-run home run by Bowling Green catcher Laine Simmons tied the game. Things were quiet on both sides until the seventh inning when Kent State’s Brenna Brownfield would break the tie with an RBI single to left field to score Speers. That run would be all the Flashes would need as the Falcons failed to produce anything in the bottom of the inning. Huck (16-7) got her second win of the weekend after pitching another complete game. She allowed three earned runs on eight hits, while striking out seven and walking two.

Game 3: Kent State 2, Bowling Green 1

Kent State started strong yet again when Holly Speers launched a two-run opposite field home run in the first inning to put the Flashes up, 2-0, early. The home run was Speers’ second of the weekend and 16th of the season. Neither side could get anything going until the fourth when the Falcons managed to cut the lead to one on an RBI single. In the same inning, the Flashes got into a scare when Bowling Green loaded the bases. Freshman Brenna Brownfield was able to

Kent State celebrates its second win of the day against Buffalo on April 21, 2018. The Flashes swept the doubleheader, winning both games, 10-2 and 13-1. Megan Humphrey / The Kent Stater

pitch her way out of that jam and keep the Flashes ahead by one. Brownfield and the Flashes faced another jam in the bottom of the seventh when they were attempting to close out the game. The Falcons were able to get two key two-out singles, which put runners on first and third. Brownfield was once again able to pitch herself out of the jam and secure the

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victory for Kent State. Brownfield (8-7) had a solid outing for the Flashes in her win. She pitched a complete game and allowed one run on nine hits. The Flashes will travel to Pittsburgh for their next game on Tuesday against the University of Pittsburgh. First pitch is scheduled for 6 p.m.

Contact Chad Flannery at cflanne4@kent.edu.

We got the runs we needed and had great pitching.” – Eric Oakley Coach

Monday, April 30, 2018

KentWired.com 7

Kent State baseball stays hot after weekend sweep at Toledo Ian Kreider Sports Reporter The Kent State baseball team sent a message the past week after a series loss at home last weekend to Ohio. Kent State (28-12, 13-5 Mid-American Conference) has outscored its opponents, 30-7, in the last four games. “We’re not thinking about the result,” Kent State coach Jeff Duncan said. “We’re thinking about winning one pitch at a time.”

Game 1: Kent State 3, Toledo 1

The Flashes scored all three runs in the first inning after senior catcher Tim Dalporto crushed a three-run home run to left field. From that point on, both teams struggled to hit the ball. Kent State junior pitcher Joey Murray allowed only one hit over 7.1 innings, while striking out eight and walking five.

Freshman pitcher Collin Romel took over to close the game out. The lefty struck out two batters and allowed two hits and one run in his 1.2 innings pitched to secure the 3-1 win for the Flashes.

Game 2: Kent State 4, Toledo 2

Toledo (14-26, 8-10 MAC) grabbed an early 2-0 lead after the first inning on patient two-out at-bats. Kent State cut the lead to 2-1. Freshman designated hitter Nick Elsen started the inning off with a single to left field. Freshman third baseman Michael Turner singled to center, which advanced Elsen to second. Back-to-back groundouts led to Elsen advancing home. In the fourth, Elsen again started the inning off well for the Flashes, as he hit a double to left. Freshman Greg Lewandoski doubled to left to drive in Elsen later in the inning to knot it up at 2.

Senior right fielder Nick Kanavas walked and stole second to put himself in scoring position with two outs. Dalporto singled, Kanavas was able to score from second and the Flashes secured their first lead of the day, 3-2, after five innings. The Flashes would add an insurance run in the eighth to go up, 4-2. Freshman Jack Zimmerman and senior Jared Skolnicki closed the door, as they combined to pitch two scoreless innings, while allowing only one hit.

Game 3: Kent State 13, Toledo 3

The Flashes came to play in the final game of the series. They outscored Toledo, 12-0, through seven innings. Senior pitcher Eli Kraus was able to keep the Rockets under control through seven, while allowing five hits. Toledo was able to break through and add three runs in the eighth to cut the lead to 12-3, but Kent State added one more run in

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the ninth to squash the rally attempt. The Flashes finished with 17 hits on the day, two more than the previous two games combined. “I thought we played some of our best baseball this weekend,” Duncan said. “On the mound, we had Joey, Skolnicki and Eli who each threw really well, and the defense behind them was really good.” Kent State will continue its season at 3 p.m. Tuesday as it takes on Wright State (28-13, 16-5 Horizon League) at Nischwitz Stadium in Fairborn, Ohio. The Raiders are currently riding a four-game win streak. “They have played really good baseball over the last 10 years,” Duncan said. “It looks like they are very identical to us in a lot of ways, so it should be a really good matchup.” Contact Ian Kreider at ikreider@kent.edu.

We’re thinking about winning one pitch at a time.”

Kent State starting pitcher Jared Skolnicki throws a pitch to a Pittsburgh batter during the Flashes' 2-0 win over Pittsburgh on April 18, 2018. Kent State swept the two-game season series against the Panthers. Kayla McMillen / The Kent Stater

– Jeff Duncan Kent State coach

8 The Kent Stater

Monday, April 30, 2018

Anna Zsinko, 59, of Streetsboro, sits in her living room Sunday, holding her son’s writings. Matt died Aug. 29, 2015, of a heroin overdose after battling with the drug for six months, detailed in his writing. Zac Popik / The Kent Stater

A son’s sudden death opens a mother’s eyes to the raging heroin crisis

Monday, April 30, 2018

KentWired.com 9

t was a typical Saturday in August 2015 when Anna Zsinko pulled into her driveway in Streetsboro. The sun glistened, warming her skin. She, a neighbor and a friend visiting from Florida had been out shopping and eating lunch.

But something didn’t seem right. The garage door was closed; her 33-yearold son Matt, who lived in the basement, left it open when he was home. Inside, the kitchen counters were clean; Matt always left a mess. Matt couldn’t be asleep, she thought, not at 4 p.m. Anna turned to her friends, afraid. “Something’s wrong, something’s wrong, something’s wrong with Matt,” she said, frantically.

The Trouble with Matt

As early as third and fourth grade, Anna said, he had trouble paying attention in school. His grades were never good. In middle school, Matt struggled with low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. He had symptoms of what was later diagnosed as ADHD, like nervous tics and twitches. He could never concentrate in school, and peers made fun of him. As he grew older, Matt called his mind a “pinball machine.” His thoughts bounced around, smacking into each other, whirling up and down, swirling left to right. No matter how hard he tried, Matt could never score high in that colorful, twisted game. “His mind raced probably a thousand miles an hour to get the thoughts out of his head, out of his mouth,” Anna said. “He spoke extremely, extremely fast — intelligent in so many ways, but he struggled to get his thoughts straight.” Sometimes the glass protecting his fragile world would shatter. There was no “Out of Order” sign to warn him. He could get so frustrated that he would punch a hole in the wall of his bedroom. As he grew into a teenager, his rage festered. Matt joined his friends in experimenting with alcohol, then marijuana. He dabbled in other drugs, too, though Anna doesn’t know the details. High school friend Jess Easterling said they were into psychedelics like acid when Matt was a senior, later using meth a few times together in their 20s. Despite Matt’s emotional problems, Jess says he was “kind to a fault.” Once, she remembers, her car ran out of gas, and Matt assured her not to worry, then walked several miles to a service station. Anna remembers instances when Matt was late to work or would call in sick because he was too busy doing favors for others. Sometimes, his kindness let people take advantage of him, Jess said. They’d ask for too many rides and would sometimes sell him fake drugs. “Matt would give the shirt that he didn’t have off his back,” Anna said. “He would loan people money. … And then, who do you think he went to when he didn’t have the money? Me.” Sometimes he’d call her selfish, and she’d reply, “You know, Matt, I’m not selfish, but if you didn’t live at home and you had to pay

Anna Zsinko, 59, of Streetsboro, leafs through her late son’s journals Wednesday. Matt wrote since about high school, and in the last six months, revealed what it was like to be a heroin addict. Zac Popik / The Kent Stater

bills, you couldn’t do this.”

Matt Searches for Matt

Matt tried college after he graduated from Kent Roosevelt High School. He took classes at Cuyahoga Community College and Kent State Stark. He always carried paper and a pencil, journaling through life, even delving into poetry. Matt couldn’t turn his writing into a job, though, and he never finished school. He worked mostly in places like Taco Bell, The Brown Derby Roadhouse and a production job at a metal-stamping company. Beginning at about age 23, Matt visited with a neurologist, then three psychiatrists — bipolar disorder, they said, and prescribed various medications. Anna encouraged Matt to seek counseling. He did for a while at Coleman Professional Services in Ravenna, but like everything else, it didn’t stick. Doctors and his mother warned him drugs for emotional and mental disorders took time to begin working, but Matt’s impatience became a monster. He wanted nothing more than to get better, and he wanted it now. After two days, he’d say to his mother, “They’re not working, they’re not working.”

So He Medicates

Matt swallowed pills, and they swallowed him back. He took Adderall for his ADHD, mood stabilizers for his bipolar tendencies, Xanax

for anxiety and panic attacks. Anna was pretty sure he took too much Xanax. Doctors kept prescribing, and Matt kept abusing. Anna now knows in the few years before his death, Matt abused Vicodin and Percocet, too. Matt scoured the internet reading about drugs and disorders, and he even diagnosed himself with mania at one point. "He would call me and say, 'Mom, look at this!’” reading symptoms off his laptop, Anna said. “‘This is me.’” Matt could never find a peace of mind — staying up until “4 or 5 in the morning because he couldn’t get his mind to settle down.”

A Connection with Kids

Friends around Matt were getting married and starting a family — but not him. He was always the babysitter, the uncle. Anna said he loved kids and knew how to get down on their level to play with them. He just had that spark around little ones, Anna said, and he wanted his own kids “to have the life he didn’t have so they didn’t have to go through what he had to go through.” A close friend even asked Matt to be the godfather of her little girl. He said no because he was too anxious to take on the responsibility. Anna believes Matt was beginning to feel ashamed about living at home at 33. He talked about wanting to reconnect with Amy, a girlfriend from his past, and starting to

build a new life, but “something always held him back from achieving things.” “I feel all these people that we’ve lost don’t want to be addicted, want connection with family and friends, want jobs, want to feel that they’re leading a good life,” Anna said. “And for whatever the reasons are, it doesn’t happen for them.” When Matt died, they found his wallet — full of crayon drawings and pictures of his friends’ kids.

Hijacked by Heroin

Editor’s Note: “Tina” is an alias to protect the source.

Matt’s heroin use began about the time he met Tina in late December 2014 or early January 2015, according to his journals. Anna remembers sitting with her son at the kitchen table five months later as he told her about the relationship. It was as if she was the next girl he was swooping in to rescue, Anna thought. “Matt had this thing about saving girls,” she said with a smile. “He just had a soft spot for girls, you know? And part of that was I always said, ‘Be good to girls.’” He told his mother he and Tina could support each other on their road to sobriety. The word “heroin” was never uttered. Anna hadn’t even heard of fentanyl, a drug about 50 times more potent than heroin, before the toxicology report came back detailing how his last dose was laced with it.

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Looking back, Anna wishes she would have reacted differently. Instead of giving him a nod of approval, she said she should have listened closer; maybe, she wonders, the conversation was Matt’s way of communicating to her the depth of his drug dependence. Tina went to jail on drug charges that June. In August, she wrote a letter to Matt, talking about her desire to get out and rebuild her relationship with her children (by an earlier relationship). Tina marveled over his many wonderful traits, and she said she didn’t know what she’d do if anything ever happened to him. Anna opened the letter. Tina didn’t know, but Matt was dead.

First High, Best High

Matt’s first experience with heroin was when he snorted it — “high on a level he’d never seen before,” Anna said, gathering from his journals. He wrote that the real start of the addiction didn’t arise until his first injection in February. The warm feeling of euphoria overtook his body, and he was hooked. It’s the best high in the world, and nothing other compares to it — that’s what makes it the worst, he wrote.

Pens and Needles

Matt was always writing. He penned himself an escape when the world got too chaotic. Every journal entry showed him sinking deeper, revealing how troubled he was. Anna didn’t understand the intensity of his despair until she sat down to read his

words after his death. On Aug. 17, he wrote: I’ll never touch heroin ever again. I really shouldn’t touch pills again, either. I spent six months on heroin, and it cost me a lot more than just a lot of money. It’s the hardest drug to get off, as well as the hardest one to stop doing. It’s the hardest one to get off because of the psychological and physical addiction. It’s the hardest to stop doing because it’s so good. ... Heroin is like a terrorist in the sense that it hijacks your brain. It really is the worst in the world. It'll ruin your life if you allow it to. It’s the worst decision that anyone could ever make. Heroin does not discriminate. It does not care who you are and anyone can fall victim to it. Anna wishes she could see the words “rehab” or “treatment” as she reads his thoughts unfold on paper.

A Disorder Too Big

Matt’s father, John, had been telling their family doctor about Matt and the issues plaguing him and how he wasn’t improving. The doctor had some experience treating patients with mental illness issues like Matt’s and offered to meet him. Matt visited the doctor two days before he died. They talked for 45 minutes. Afterward, Matt told his mother the doctor couldn’t mend him. His condition was too severe and beyond his skill, the doctor had said. “I’m not sure what he was suffering from,” Anna said. “At the time, we didn’t realize Matt was suffering from a dual

diagnosis — addiction and mental illness. “I think one feeds the other. … It’s just this cycle, and now I’m wondering what was happening.” Anna wonders whether that appointment made Matt feel even more hopeless. The doctor did write a prescription, but Matt didn’t live long enough to fill it.

Football Friday, One Last Time

Matt hid his addiction well. Anna says he was healthy-looking with tan skin, and he acted pretty normal when he was out and about, often bubbly and joking around. The last evening of his life, Matt headed to a Streetsboro High School football game with Amy. They had remained friends after their relationship didn’t work out, but he always loved her, Anna says. Matt returned home after the game and raided the refrigerator. He asked John for $20; he was out of work at the time. Of course, his father gave it to him. Anna and John went to bed. That was the last time they saw their son. That next afternoon in the kitchen, Anna sent her friends to the basement. His room was locked. They pounded on the door. They yelled his name. They heard nothing. Anna went outside to call 911. Minutes later, John and a police officer patrolling the area arrived almost at the same time, Anna still on the phone. John stormed downstairs and kicked Matt’s door open. In front of him was what no parent ever hopes to see.

Matt Zsinko’s Care Bear from childhood, along with a memory bear made of his old T-shirts, rests on a shelf in his mother’s bedroom. Anna keeps some of Matt’s belongings scattered through her home in which her son lived in the basement. Matt died from a heroin overdose Aug. 29, 2015. Zac Popik / The Kent Stater

Matt. Dead. A needle by his side. Blood stains on the carpet. Overdose. Heroin. The friend came upstairs and told Anna that her son was gone. Anna’s mind spun. Matt self-medicated with pills before to moderate his bipolar disorder, but heroin? This was the first she’d heard of it. Between tears and shock, each taking its rotation, she finally spoke to the officer. “I want to go down there,” she told him. “I don’t think you should,” she remembers the officer saying. “I just don’t think you should.”

Rest in Peace

Matt’s life was celebrated at a memorial service the next Thursday. It was mostly family and friends. But a girl Anna didn’t recognize asked if she could add a eulogy. It was Jess, whom Anna hadn’t seen since high school. She stood up to speak, her eyes overflowing oceans with the clearest, bluest truth. Matt was the fourth or fifth friend she’d lost to the heroin epidemic. Jess’ hair is choppy and lilac-colored, her laugh boisterous and her personality too colorful for the world. Here’s what Jess remembers saying:

When I was about 19, I struggled with substance abuse. I had no place to stay. I wasn’t welcome home at the time. I had lost my job. Matt would sneak me into his house to sleep in the morning after his mom went to work. He would go sleep on the couch so I could have a bed. One day, I was looking for a job. We were in the Chapel Hill area. I was putting in applications, and I saw this dress. It was at one of those discount stores, and it was only $14. We were broke, you know what I mean? I would routinely run out of gas. That’s how broke I was. He maybe had $20 to his name, and that was the rest of his money for the week. I was trying on clothes, filling out applications, you know. We were kicking it together. And he said, “Oh, that dress looks really good on you.” And I was like, “Yeah. Once I get a job, I’ll get it.” I went to try on more stuff, and once I came out, he had bought me the dress. He would give the shirt off his own back. He was that kind of guy. … He knew that I was struggling, and he lifted my spirit. He just had this heart that was too big. Jess said she wore that dress all summer. Anna and the rest of the audience were reduced to a puddle. That was the sweet, selfless son she had nurtured. How was it that she, the parent, was burying him? Even today, almost three years after Matt’s death, Anna can’t resolve what she calls a “deep-down sorrow.” “I don’t know that I’ll ever feel accomplished or good about anything I’ve done,” Anna said. “As a parent, your biggest achievement in life is raising your kids and having them healthy and happy, and having a good relationship. … Nothing I do or will ever do will ever mean what that could have meant to me.”

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A New Life for Anna

Anna reads her son’s writings, which he left behind after he died of a heroin overdose. Anna also pulled out Matt’s wallet — he had a couple dollars remaining, along with pictures of his friends’ children and drawings they made for him. Zac Popik / The Kent Stater

Love Kills

Anna is still shaken by how quickly Matt died. Looking back, she realizes there were signs. Matt was always working, but he never had money. He would ask, and Anna would give. Anna just thought he was poor with managing his finances. When Matt told his mother about Tina, he talked about getting sober. They could be each other’s crutch through recovery. But as time went on, Matt’s behavior was more erratic; nervous tremors would rock his body, and he even bit his hands and arms. In June, he came to Anna: “I need to go to a halfway house,” he told her. “I’ve gotta get out of here.” Anna never heard Matt say the words “opioids” or “heroin.” She didn’t realize the extent of his addiction. She thought he wanted to rid himself of his unhealthy lifestyle choices and end his self-medicating

with pills. Anna called Root House, a residential facility in Ravenna for recovering male addicts. They said he needed to go through detox first. Matt blew it off, claiming he didn’t need that. Anna phoned other places, but there was always an issue — sometimes lack of beds but most often because they wouldn’t accept Medicaid. Matt never made it to a recovery facility. Two days before his overdose, Matt was “vomiting his guts out,” Anna recalls. She had no idea he was in withdrawal. He was dope sick. After the death, she found torn Q-tip buds in the bathroom. Addicts, she has since learned, use them to filter heroin liquid when filling their needles.

A Mother’s Regrets

Anna now realizes she was enabling her son. She had supported him — too much — his whole life, providing a safe roof to live

under and helping pay his bills when he needed it. There’s a difference between enabling and loving your child, she said. “And I think I loved Matt to death,” she said, shaking her head slowly, her eyes glassy with a film of tears. The grief of losing Matt crashes in waves. Sometimes Anna imagines she can hear her son’s voice. “I know he would tell me how much he loves me,” Anna said. “He would tell me he’s sorry he’s causing me pain. And maybe, I hope and believe, he would tell me that he’s fine … because he did that so much in life. “When he was having one of his bipolar rages and knocking holes in the wall, after he’d calm down, he’d tell me he’s sorry. And I would tell him the same thing — that I love him, and that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to him when I think he tried to talk to me.”

About a week after Matt’s death, Anna reached out to Jess on Facebook, thanking her for her words at the memorial. Jess messaged Anna back, suggesting she check out OhioCAN, a statewide organization for family members affected by addiction. Anna joined and now serves as treasurer for the state and is active in Portage County. The group organizes community events to raise awareness and education on addiction, and it looks into recovery and treatment programs for addicts. But most importantly, Anna says, it focuses on family. “It’s amazing how many people of all walks of life have had this happen to their families,” Anna said. “All the change that’s happening in this country right now is because of the families; these are grassroots organizations — people who have lost their family, their kids, their nieces or nephews, their brothers or sisters, even parents — fighting for change.” Anna says that when the worst happens, a heart can shrivel up and lose itself to the world. But Anna’s heart broke open, and she found a new purpose. Right now, she has piles of strangers’ shoes, labeled by name and date of death, sitting in what used to be Matt’s room. She’s preparing them for a “Steps for Change” event in May, where families gather to honor loved ones they’ve lost to addiction. “We say, ‘If you go somewhere and one person heard you, it was worth your time,’” Anna said about group members she meets with every two weeks. “If you just, you know, got to one person, you had a good day.” Anna’s faith has always been an important part of her life, even more now after Matt died. No two people grieve the same, she says, and it’s a process she’s had to learn to do on her own, especially as more time passes. Year two after Matt’s death was harder than the first year, she says. “I think as more time goes on, it really settles in that you’re not going to see them again,” she said, and paused for a long moment. “I think that my faith is helping. I think Matt’s helping me. I feel like, you know, he wants me to be OK.” But there are days when it all comes flooding back. “I can go somewhere and have fun, honestly, but I get in that car and I drive home and I start crying again,” she said through tears. “Sometimes I think I have to get off Facebook because I see everybody’s kids and marriages and grandkids and all this good stuff. … It’s not that I begrudge them of their happiness; it’s just I don’t feel that way, and I never will. “I still cry every day, to some extent,” Anna said, “but I’ve grown as a person and through life experiences. I think I’ve grown an incredible amount, and I think I have a deeper heart. I feel good about that; I feel bad about how I had to grow.”

Contact Valerie Royzman at vroyzman@kent.edu.

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If a family member is struggling with substance abuse, here’s what Anna says: Valerie Royzman Administration Reporter

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Anna prepares boxes of shoes for an upcoming event organized by OhioCAN, a statewide organization for family members affected by addiction. The event, “Steps for Change,” is for those who have lost family members to addiction and is set for May. Those attending bring shoes, labeled with names and dates of death, to honor those who have died. Anna joined OhioCAN shortly after her son, Matt, died from a heroin overdose. His shoes will be at the event. Zac Popik / The Kent Stater

I do believe, and studies show, recovery is more successful when you involve your family and friends. I think we could have helped Matt and saved his life if we would have known and been involved.” – Anna Zsinko Matt’s mother

Anna has thought a great deal about what happened with Matt and talked to many people in similar situations to the one she went through. • If a family member is showing signs of addiction, treat them with love, Anna says. “Understand that they’re suffering from a chronic disease.” • Learn the difference between enabling and loving. “Healthy boundaries” exist between the two, and she missed those. • Seek counseling. “Opiate addiction is a family disease,” she said, and “the whole family is affected.” • Understand the different treatment options. “Addiction is a disease like cancer or diabetes that needs treatment,” Anna said. “I would say contact your county mental health agencies; they will have references of what’s available for support.” • Find a support group. To contact OhioCAN, visit their website at http://www.changeaddictionnow. org/ohio.html. For Portage County residents interested in joining, the group is active on Facebook. Visit their page at https://www. facebook.com/groups/OhioCANPortage/. • Carry Narcan. The Ohio Department of Health provides an educational Narcan distribution program called Project DAWN (Deaths Avoided With Naloxone). For Portage County residents, Narcan is available and free once they sign up for a 30-minute class on how to administer the nasal medication. The class also addresses how to recognize signs of an opiate overdose, how to perform rescue breathing and how to contact emergency medical services. If the two doses provided have been used, Project DAWN will refill them. For information or questions about Project DAWN, call 330-296-9919. Select pharmacies in Portage County also carry Narcan. The epidemic gains new opiate users every single day. For those starting to fall into addiction, or for those already stuck or in active addiction: “Talk to parents; talk to people; ask for help,” Anna says. “Don’t try to recover on your own,” she said. “I don’t think it can be done alone. … I do believe, and studies show, recovery is more successful when you involve your family and friends. I think we could have helped Matt and saved his life if we would have known and been involved.”

On Sunday, Debby Thrasher Smith, 66, stands on her front porch in Ravenna, where she’s lived for 18 years. She was adjusting her wind chimes, which she hung up after her son, Joe, died Oct. 29, 2014, of a heroin overdose. He never liked the chiming sounds, she says, but they serve as a reminder of Joe. Zac Popik / The Kent Stater

A mother reveals what it’s like to live with a son addicted to heroin Valerie Royzman Administration Reporter I’m standing on Debby Thrasher Smith’s front porch in Ravenna, tightening my trench coat around my waist. The four wind chimes behind me are knocking delicately against each other, and their tinkling eases my nerves. I’m about to interview her about her son, and I know it’s not a happy ending. Debby’s living room smells overwhelmingly of cigarettes, and the lights are dim. Her walls are

covered in family photos, and I can tell she’s a loving mother by the way she dotes over her children. The one I’m here to talk to her about is Joe, her youngest, who died in October 2014. He turned into someone “unrecognizable in body and soul,” she tells me. “He’d do anything to get that next fix. That’s the sad thing about it; the disease takes hold.” Heroin addiction, you know? Three overdoses in this little house, all in one year. The wind chimes sound in the breeze again. Debby, 66, laughs, and she tells me she hung those

up again after Joe died. He hated the sweet music and would tear them down, especially in the end, when he turned angry at the world.

Playing the Tough Guy

When Joe was about 2 years old, he was run over by a car. It happened in Debby’s driveway. Little “Joey” was sitting on the kitchen counter, sipping his water, swinging his legs. Debby was washing dishes and turned her back for a second, and her zippy boy was gone, probably off to play with his two siblings, she thought.

“And then the next thing, I heard this bloodcurdling scream,” Debby tells me, leaning in closer. Joe had gotten a hold of the car keys, started the ignition and, somehow, was bouncing on the trunk of the car. He fell backward once the vehicle began moving, and like any kid who had watched superhero shows would think, thrust his arms in front of him to stop it. A woman sitting in her car witnessed the whole thing happen, which is how Debby pieced together the details. Joe got a cut on the back of his head and broke his leg and collarbone.

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If a family member is struggling with substance abuse, here’s what Anna says: Valerie Royzman Administration Reporter

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up again after Joe died. He hated the sweet music and would tear them down, especially in the end, when he turned angry at the world.

Playing the Tough Guy

Monday, April 30, 2018

“Doctors did every test under the sun when he was in the hospital,” Debby says. “They assured me this was not the cause of his disability.” She’s talking about the ADD he fought for years, his struggles in school and the drugs he later turned to for an escape. Four months before he died, Joe blamed his mother for his addiction. “He felt that I wasn’t watching him careful enough, and he blamed me for that because in his hopes to try to be normal, he wanted to find a reason why he was like he was,” she says.

School Wasn’t His Thing

Like a lot of kids, Joe just didn’t like

school. But it wasn’t getting up early in the morning or gross lunches. Joe always felt dumb, and reading was the hardest thing in the world. Debby would sit down at his side, and the two of them began sounding out letters. But very quickly, and far too often, her efforts would turn sour. Joe would stomp off, slamming the door behind him. He was pissed off, and Debby was crying. She says Joe was smart about using his disabilities as an excuse, though, and he never really cared to learn. Maybe, she thinks, that’s why he never could excel through the years. “He had such a problem with his academics that he said it was easier to be

Debby sits in the kitchen of her Ravenna home. Since her son’s death almost four years ago, Debby remodeled parts of her home, like Joe’s bedroom and her kitchen. She recently painted it blue — Joe’s favorite color. Zac Popik / The Kent Stater

arrested than to read in front of the class,” Debby tells me. He attended Brown Middle School, and that’s when she suspects he got into marijuana. Of course, alcohol, too. Debby tells me he never took any medication for his ADD because “he did not want to take a pill every day.” That’s kind of ironic, I think. I know how Joe’s story ends. Joe was expelled, so Debby enrolled him in another school in Rootstown, but that was the end of his schooling experience. Joe couldn’t stand his frustration with school, constantly skipping, and Debby was beaten down. As soon as he turned 16, Debby signed him out. He got a job soon after that. She tells me he mostly worked in landscaping, with some factory jobs. If there was reading or schematics involved, though, he couldn’t do it. Debby thinks he dabbled with drugs through the years, probably pills.

The First Addict Wasn’t Joe

Debby packed up her belongings and her kids and moved to Ravenna about 18 years ago. She was newly married to Ronnie, her third husband. This was after two failed marriages, one of them abusive, and a house fire while she was single and living at her brother’s place. Debby always held a steady job as an investment supervisor at the United Church of Christ in Cleveland, and being a mother fulfilled her. Life wasn’t perfect, though. Ronnie worked as a concrete finisher, and he was on painkillers often for a back injury. Joe claimed his stepfather, who Debby tells me was more of a buddy than a stepfather, let him try a pain pill when he was about 14. In 2009, Ronnie’s love for alcohol started to dominate his love for Debby and her kids. He was always drinking, and after his reinjured back led him to over-prescribed Oxycodone, a strong pain medication that contains opiates, he was popping pills, too. When those ran out, he was buying off the street. “He didn't hold down a job very long and during all that time, I just think I was like in a daze,” Debby says. “I was working nonstop, trying to take care of the home, trying to work, and the guys were at home watching TV.” “How did that make you feel?” I ask Debby. She tells me she’s kind of a pushover, and I can be, too. She pauses. “I feel like I gave up a big part of my life,” she tells me. “I try to make everything right. I try to fix everybody. I tried, and I couldn't. So then when it doesn't happen, then you feel a failure because you can’t. You know, you can’t.” I just nod my head and take that down in my notebook.

Father and Heroin Man

By the time Joe turned 19, life punched him in the face, then patched it up with pink Band-Aids nine months later — he was a father. Little girl, blonde and blue-eyed. Two years later, his girlfriend was pregnant with the next one, a boy. She found Joe passed out at their place — needle in his arm. She called Debby, crying hysterically. Debby never saw it with her own eyes,

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but she asked him about it. He denied ever using heroin. She doesn’t believe his addiction was serious at that point. When Joe was about 24, he broke his arm and got a hold of pain medication. Debby doesn’t know what kind, but she tells me she imagines it wasn’t strong. He had a new girl by then, and fatherhood struck for the third time. Debby shows me a picture of Joe’s youngest son. “Don’t they look alike?” she asks me. His youngest mirrors Joe closely, from the dark eyes and husky build right down to the swing of the baseball bat. “Does that make it hard to look at him?” I ask her. She’s in love with her grandkids, but she nods her head. Joe wasn’t living at home anymore, so Debby tells me it’s hard to know what exactly was going on. What she does know is he was getting Social Security checks in the mail for his disability, which was his ticket out of work. He, along with Ronnie, soon started buying pills from Debby’s adopted niece, who was a cancer patient. Debby considers 2011 the year her son’s struggle with heroin began taking control of him.

Detour from Addiction

Debby says Joe sought treatment about three years before his death. He told his mother he wanted to spend time with his kids and start to live a normal life. He was going to the Akron-area Oriana House, an addiction recovery center, and “seemed to be doing a little bit better,” but whether he was really OK or not, she isn’t sure now. He was periodically attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings, too. About a year later, Debby gained hope when Joe enrolled in a suboxone program in Kent, where he was taking a narcotic to block the effects of opioids he was abusing. “He was doing well — until he met this girl,” Debby tells me.

Toxic Love

Editor’s Note: “Catharine” is an alias to protect the source. Joe met Catharine at a bar. He was into heroin, and so was she. It was love at first high. Joe’s other girlfriend had kicked him out by then, and he was rarely allowed to see his kids because he was high too often. Neither Joe or Catharine had any money, so they moved into Debby’s house. That’s when the heroin use escalated, and Joe couldn’t hide it any longer; it got him kicked out of the suboxone program. Debby hesitates to actually blame Catharine for Joe’s downfall, but she says he was doing “noticeably better” before he met her. After all, Catharine was just as sick as Joe. “What was their relationship like?” I ask. The pair loved like crazy, Debby says, and fought like crazy. Catharine would throw things at Joe and break belongings in the house, like dishes. She showed the dent in the stove where Catharine had thrown a bottle. “She had a terrible, terrible temper, but in all those times where I saw her get right in Joe’s face, Joe never hit her,” Debby says. “I give him credit for that.”

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“Did Joe love her?” I ask. She sighs. “He wanted somebody to love him,” she tells me, “but they’d always have a fight, she’d leave and he didn’t think he could live without her, you know?” He’d ask her to come back, and of course, she would.

A Son Becomes a Thief

The last year and a half of Joe’s life, Debby lived in hell. Her son became a stranger. Debby remembers when she came home after a long day of work to find her TV missing. She’s sure he sold it. Joe later swiped her pots and pans, and even stole her freezer and stereo. He once hid her laptop in the backyard bushes and only gave it back after Debby gave him the $80 he had been demanding. I noticed at least three pawn shops on my drive to Debby’s house that day, and I ask if it’s possible Joe sold her things there. She nods. Joe sold her sapphires and gold at Cashland, less than a mile from her house.

He sold some of her DVDs, too. He only got 50 cents apiece, but that was still money. The employees of these places, Debby says, can spot the junkies. “My stupidity is I always trust people,” she tells me. “I had my credit cards in my dresser; he got into the credit cards and took money out of my savings and ran up some bills.” Wow, I thought. “What did you do?” “Of course, being his mother, I forgave him and became a little bit more cautious,” she replies. Debby began hiding her valuables from Joe, keeping them at work or in the trunk of her car. With the turmoil came sleep deprivation for Debby. It was common for Joe to wake her at late hours, usually pressing her for money or asking her to drive him to buy drugs. Joe had lost his driver’s license by then. He got into a car accident, Debby tells me, and Joe failed to pay his fines. When he did receive a letter in the mail detailing he had

the chance to get it back, Debby handed him the money to cover the cost — where that money went, nobody knows. Debby craved sleep so badly when her son woke her in the night that sometimes it was easier to just drive him to pick up his next fix. I ask her where you can buy heroin around here. She mentioned a motel, and there was a house somewhere in Silver Meadows. A couple of times, she drove him to a convenience store in Stow. “It all sounds so dismal now,” Debby says. “What I did was my sickness — being co-dependent was my sickness. Anybody I talked to said, ‘Man, I would just throw him out,’ or ‘Why would you do that?’” I guess I could understand. That was just Debby’s way of loving her son.

Absent Father

I ask Debby what kind of a father Joe was

as his addiction got worse. “Joe loved his kids,” Debby says, “but there were times when he would totally ignore them.” She has fond memories of when he would take them out to play at the park. But her voice gets shaky as she talks of one time. Debby had bought the kids birthday presents. Joe had even bought some himself. His mother wrapped them and drove off to work. When she returned home, Joe had torn off the paper and returned them to Kohl’s. He needed the money, and he needed it right away. “He wanted to be a good father,” Debby says. “His need to get high, I guess. …” she trails off. I think she means to say Joe had the potential to be a good father. But, heroin.

Three Strikes

Debby’s heart shattered three times — once for each of Joe’s overdoses.

Debby looks through her son’s belongings. Joe, her youngest, died Oct. 29, 2014, of a heroin addiction. Debby found the items displayed on her coffee table — a drawing by his daughter, his sunglasses and bandana — in Joe’s room, where he died after his third overdose. Zac Popik / The Kent Stater

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Early 2014

Debby had moved out of her own house for a little over two months because she couldn’t stand the worry and the arguing and fighting between Joe and Catharine. Joe’s brother had found him overdosed, and police revived him with naloxone, a medication used to reverse the lifethreatening effects of opiates. (It’s also known by the brand name Narcan.) Debby rushed home to see him. The first thing he said was, “Did you bring me cigarettes?” He left the hospital that same day. That night, Joe was off to get his next fix.

June 2014

The second time, Debby found Joe in the kitchen. I work up my courage and ask her if she can show me where. A minute later, I'm standing in front of her stove, where he was passed out on the cold tile floor. She called the police, who again revived him, and he went back to the hospital. He was discharged the same day, and the second he stepped outside, officers took him to jail — he had broken the restraining order Debby had against him. She tells me she was “trying tough love.” “I could sleep that night because I knew that he was safe,” Debby said about the arrest. “I knew he wasn’t out there buying drugs, doing drugs. I knew how dangerous it was, and I couldn’t reach him.” Debby could tell heroin was the only thing keeping Joe afloat most days, at least long enough until the next overdose. “Joe, don’t you realize you could have died?” she asked him. “How do you know I didn’t want to?” he answered.

October 2014

The third time, Joe didn’t wake to the realization that treatment and recovery were possible — he just died instead. Joe’s brother, Chet, called Debby while she was at work. “You’ve gotta come home, mom,” he told her. “It’s bad.” When she entered his first-floor bedroom, there he was, lying at the doorway, lifeless. His toes were curled, and Debby recalls it looked like Catharine might have tried to drag him into the room. He was wearing only jeans and was wrapped in the bed comforter. The overdose, the coroner said later, happened about 9 or 10 a.m. Joe’s phone was charging, his beer — Bud Ice, his favorite — cooling in the freezer. The bedroom, with clothes typically thrown in all directions and the bed unmade, was all cleaned up. Debby is sure the cleanup was by Catharine, who probably panicked when Joe passed out. So she hid any evidence of drugs, then walked out. Catharine was afraid to get busted for her own drug use at the time, Debby tells me. Debby is in tears as we talk. The questions are hard for both of us. I was asking Debby to relive the day her son died. The night before Joe died, Debby goes on, he woke her at 2:30 a.m., badgering her for money — something routine by then. She gave her son $40 — the money that killed him.

Debby steps into her Ravenna home. Her son, Joe, died here Oct. 29, 2014, of a heroin overdose — his third. He battled with substance abuse in the several years before his death. Zac Popik / The Kent Stater

The toxicology report identified heroin and cocaine in his system. “You hold the guilt of handing him the money that he used to buy the dope that killed him,” she tells me. “Could I have been stricter? I just wanted to go back to sleep; I just was so tired. “It’s sad,” she says. So horribly sad, I’m thinking. I take a deep breath and tell myself to keep it together. “Did he look peaceful when he died?” I ask Debby. She paused. “Yeah, he did,” she responded, her eyes misty.

The Struggle to Let Go

Joe’s family held a private viewing after he died. It was mostly family. Debby says Joe had “burned most of the bridges” with his friends by then. Even his family doesn’t like to remember. “I can go to a family event, and nobody mentions my son’s name,” Debby says, “and that hurts. Anyone who’s lost a child doesn’t want them to be forgotten, but they also don’t want them remembered how they were in the midst of the disease.” After he was cremated, Debby bought necklaces for her grandchildren with a place that held some of his ashes. She keeps his urn in her bedroom. “We have a family mausoleum,” she tells me, “but I can’t let him go yet. It’s still a little too soon, I think.”

A Million Photographs

When Debby remembers Joe now, she loves to pore over old photographs — they remind her of a time when heroin wasn’t in the picture. We sit on her floral sofa, close for strangers who only met twice before. She pulls out albums and boxes. In one photo, Joe is sitting in his high chair, wearing a light-blue T-shirt with “USA” written across the middle. A gaptoothed grin covers his face. It’s his first birthday, and he’s posing with his white cake, covered in balloons made of frosting. In another, two of his kids are sitting on his lap. They’re too young and innocent to realize their father is high. Really high, Debby says. His eyes are half-shut, his shoulders a little too relaxed. The next photo is Joe right before he died, age 28. He’s crouching on the pavement, cigarette in hand, middle finger up. His shirt is off, and he’s thinner than in other pictures, when he looked pretty bulky, his arms especially sculpted. His kids’ names are tattooed across his arms. Debby gives me this one to keep.

Cigarettes and Beer

As the interview winds down, Debby plays me her last voicemail from Joe. You leave me without cigarettes, and I’m calling you all fucking day to get a fucking pack of cigarettes and a couple tall boys. And you won’t even answer my fucking phone call, so I hope you’re fucking happy with

whatever the fuck you’re doing. Then he hung up, and, she’s almost sure, got high. She winces when she re-hears the anger. But she keeps the audio on her laptop anyway. How couldn’t she? Joe was her son. That is all she had left of him.

A Mother’s Healing

Not long after Joe died, Debby began a grief program through her job at the United Church of Christ. “OK, I’m going to attempt to read this,” she tells me, like she has to prepare herself. Debby reads a letter she wrote her son as part of her experience there. Her voice quivers as she tells me that writing the letter was one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do.

Dear Joey, I address this to Joey instead of Joe, as you will forever be my angel in your formative years. You were such a cute baby, and you made me so very happy. You completed the family, and you added your quirks and gestures that made raising you fun. ... My heart went out to you, but your stubbornness and overall defiance only fed into your problems. … I apologize for divorcing your father. … I tried to be both mom and dad and spoiled you, your brother and sister because of that. I never shared with you all the times I had to go to court to keep you kids, but I loved you and would not let go. …

17 The Kent Stater

Monday, April 30, 2018

During the last two years of your life, ... I used to worry about where your life was leading. You seemed to enjoy doing nothing but drinking and drugs. But you went back into rehab, and I was so elated and grateful. But with each relapse, your behavior got worse. Each night when I went upstairs, you always wanted to hear ‘I love you’ from me; it was like you gave validity when all else in your life must have been chaos. I apologize for losing my temper when your partying and demands deprived me of sleep. I became afraid of you and was terrified each time I heard an ambulance or a police car. I imagine you would spend your remaining years in jail or worse — well, the worse came true. I forgive you for this behavior as I knew it was because of your disease. You did not deserve to die. ... I pray that your death was quick. I will never know what actually happened, and I have to forgive (Catharine) for leaving you laying there unresponsive and walking out. You died later that day alone. My heart hurts to think that you were alone and probably scared. I forgive you for leaving me, your sister, your brother, your children and others that loved you; I know that was not your intent. I have prayed for you now. I grieve for all that you will miss out in this life. You would

be happy to know that I am building a relationship with all your children. I promise to watch over them until I die. I will not let them forget you. They love and miss you. I would not want to go through that torment, abuse and confusion you put me through the last two years of your life, but I forgive you. ... I have peace in my home once again. Please forgive me for even thinking that I deserve this, but I actually do. May you rest in peace. Debby is crying, and so am I. Man, this life just isn’t fair, I’m thinking. I can’t find the words. I want to say “I’m sorry,” but that doesn’t seem like nearly enough when someone shares something that deep with you.

The Journey Without Joe

In the first month after Joe died, Debby would drive to work early just to get online and read comments from GRASP, a grief recovery group centered around compassion for those who have lost someone to substance abuse. “And I would sit there and cry for an hour,” she tells me. “When my alarm went off at 8:30 (a.m.), it was time to put on my new face. She goes on. “I went to counseling and I said, ‘There’s something wrong with me; why can I do

this?” she says. “Why can I act normal? Why am I not falling apart like some ladies who can’t get out of bed for two months? And I think it’s because he put me through so much hell.” Debby later found Cornerstone of Hope, a counseling center in Independence that helps those grieving the loss of a loved one. She says traditional therapy didn’t work. Part of how she survived, Debby tells me, is helping people get through the same things she did. She is a member of OhioCAN, a statewide organization for family members affected by addiction. Debby lives a five-minute walk away from Ravenna City Park, where the group gathers annually to commemorate loved ones, planting flowers by the plaque dedicated to their efforts. Debby also packs blessing bags, full of toiletries and other essentials, for people in recovery houses or coming out of jail. She is also involved with GRASP — Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing — both online and in person, where members meet in Brooklyn. It’s one of those “bare your soul” groups, she says, and she’s trying to start her own in Portage County. “If you’re having a bad day, all you have to do is write a comment on there, and you’ll get people to give you some ‘Atta girls’ or give you some virtual hugs,” she says. Debby also works with Start Talking

Portage, whose members work to educate young people on addiction. Debby says that without the support groups, she would be “in a dark place.” If Joe saw her now, she thinks, he’d say a phrase she often heard from him when he was younger. “He’d say, ‘Mom, you’re like the nicest person.’”

One Final Goodbye

"Does it ever get easier?" I ask. “Does it get any easier?” she repeats my question back to me. “You get number. And yeah, it does get easier because you found different outlets and you didn’t dwell on it. It might sound selfish, but I wanted to live, and I wanted to live a normal life again.” I ask if she misses him, though I know the answer. “Yes, I miss him,” she says. “Do I miss the chaos? No. “He had a big heart. He just got lost.” At the end of one interview, I stand up to leave Debby’s house. I ask if I can give her a hug. She smiles through tears, and does, of course. She’s a mom, you know? I realize I’ll never feel what Debby feels. But I listen. And I think, maybe, I am starting to understand what it means to love an addict.

Contact Valerie Royzman at vroyzman@kent.edu.

Debby recalls an emotional memory of life with Joe, who spiraled into addiction, before his death in 2014. “You never get over the loss of a child,” Debby said. “You just learn a new normal.” Zac Popik / The Kent Stater

18 The Kent Stater

Monday, April 30, 2018

OPINION

Part 4: Shattered

JOSEPH McGRELLIS’ VIEW

Andrew Atkins

Author’s note:

My dad was an alcoholic. He died in November. I’ve always experienced a maelstrom of emotions. This isn’t easy to write about, to share, to read. But by sharing the trauma and pain I’ve felt, I hope you can learn something — not about me, but yourselves.

Part 4: Shattered

The phone vibrated on the table. I saw it was my grandma and declined it, placing it face down in front of me. I could call her back as soon as I wrapped up this meeting. I listened to the voicemail. She sounded upset; I’m not sure I ever heard her voice shake like that. I thought something was wrong with my grandpa. When I called her back, I was confused when he was the one who answered. My mind scrambled for any semblance of logic. In the moment before my grandpa told me, I simultaneously knew and vehemently denied what I was about to hear. I held my breath for years waiting for this phone call. Eventually, I exhaled. Once I visited my dad, he had started calling. He was homeless and an alcoholic. I never knew when he was going to call, but I knew that eventually he would. It was November. I realized I hadn’t heard from him since August. “Your father’s passed.” After everything that had happened, I had built this mental image of him that was impossibly resilient. For all the time I’d spent expecting it, I didn’t expect it. I called my mom. I called my soon-to-be stepdad. I called my aunts, my uncles. I called my sister. The world was grinding to a halt around me. I felt like the air around me was liquid cement, slowly hardening. I was holding my breath for the moment I would suddenly stop. My days became intervals between lying in bed. With the room quiet and my eyes closed, I could practice being a version of me that hurt less. When I got out of bed, the world around me was warped. I was sitting backseat to my own life; whole periods of time would pass, and I could barely recall any of it. I’d arrive at my destinations with no idea how I got there. Over the next few months, I got bits and

pieces of information. In the beginning, I knew they found his body outside a liquor store the day before I got the call. I wrote an article in his memory and was met with an outpouring of memories others wanted to share. Finally, about a month ago, I got the coroner’s report. It told me everything I already knew. Ashwood Recovery at Northpoint, a rehabilitation facility in Idaho, notes that about 88,000 people die every year due to alcoholism. It’s the third-leading cause of preventable death in the U.S. For me, I don’t think there’s such a thing as going back to “normal.” This is “normal” now. There is no recovering the version of me that existed when my dad was alive. That’s a fact I live with. But I’m blessed to have all the memories that let me know he lived a life that was meaningful. I spent a lot of time hurt and angry. I’ve forgiven him, I think. Because there’s nothing I could have done, and he’s not around for me to be angry at him. And honestly, I couldn’t have changed him. So what would be the point of being angry? I love him, and I miss him, and I forgive him. I think, in some way, in his death, he climbed back out of the bottle into which he had fallen so deeply. Andrew Atkins is a columnist. Contact him at aatkins5@kent.edu.

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It was November. I realized I hadn’t heard from him since August. ” – Andrew Atkins

SUBMISSIONS: The Stater hopes to encourage lively debate about the issues of the day on the opinion page. Opinions on this page are the authors’ and not necessarily endorsed by the Stater or its editors. Readers are encouraged to participate through letters to the editor (email them to bbeidack@kent.edu) and guest columns. Submissions become property of the Stater and are subject to editing without notice.

Monday, April 30, 2018

The art, the artist and separation anxiety Kellie Nock It’s one of those questions that comes up every time a musician, actor or director does or says something that is clearly wrong: Can you separate the art from the artist? It happened a lot back in late 2017, when the #MeToo movement really began to gain some traction, and male celebrities left and right were being ousted as abusers. A lot of folks began to question whether or not they could still enjoy those celebrities’ works. For instance, is it OK to go back and enjoy all of “House of Cards” knowing that Kevin Spacey is an abuser? Well, maybe for some people it is easy to ignore the “personal life” of a celebrity. I’m hesitant to call it a personal life without quotation marks. As a public figure, most aspects of your life are anything but personal. And

it’s not just an odd hobby or trying to get some private time away from paparazzi. It’s sexual abuse of a minor. Spacey is a bit of an extreme example here, but, like I said, this was happening a lot in late 2017. “Brand New” frontman Jesse Lacey had been ousted as well, taking advantage of underage fans online. So how does a longtime fan of the band reckon with the reality that their lead singer is an abuser? Do they stop listening to the band? Going to a more recent and far less extreme example, are you able to listen to an artist who you disagree with politically? Maybe in other scenarios, you could, but with a president as divisive as Donald Trump and a character as unpredictable and troll-ish as Kanye West, how do you decide whether you should still support an artist? It’s a moral question that everyone has to ask themselves individually. But

consider the support you give when you decide to put everything aside and enjoy the art for itself, without taking the artist into consideration. Whether you admit to it, you are, in some way, shape or form, supporting the artist who may have done something or said something that is either illegal or that you disagree with. Streaming numbers on Spotify, plays on YouTube; it all contributes to the support you give. Maybe it’s easy for some to ignore it, to turn a blind eye and set their priorities, but for some it is a struggle to choose. The least you can do, before making a decision, is to weigh the pros and cons of consuming art you enjoy while continuing to give a platform to someone whose values and beliefs directly clash with yours. Kellie Nock is a columnist. Contact her at knock1@kent.edu.

Open-carry and open dialogues Drew Taylor This Friday, an open-carry rally took place on campus at Kent State. Students were warned about the event through a universitywide email that explained that an outside organization would host said demonstration. Many of the open-carry and concealed-carry advocates at the demonstration were not students at Kent State. However, students joined the group as well. According to those involved in the event, the goal was to create an open dialogue with others about gun rights, the Second Amendment and people’s safety. But frankly, the idea of an “open dialogue” just makes me roll my eyes.

I’m not saying it is wrong to create a discussion about important issues in society. That’s exactly what politics is all about. Nor am I saying the group didn’t have the right to have their demonstration, as the law allows them to do so. But not every issue should be treated like we were in debate club, where simply having a dialogue with the other side will solve any problems. Public policy topics such as guns, health care, policy brutality and the military are not just a matter of opinion. They have a direct impact in the life — or death — of thousands of citizens across our country and the world. An example: Health care policy, and the highly contested issue of a singlepayer system, cannot be seen simply as a political opinion one holds. After all, it is literally a matter of staying alive for many. The same goes for gun policy. What some on both sides of the argument fail to see is that while for

many the gun debate comes down to “I like guns,” or “I do not like guns,” for others it is a matter of loved ones dying. I don’t point the finger exclusively at those at the open- and concealed-carry rally. This is not an attack on them. But you cannot believe it is unfair for a family member or friend of a victim of gun violence to be uninterested in an “open discussion” with the other side. Nor can you believe it is unfair for victims of police brutality or people who rely on the Affordable Care Act to survive to openly sit down and debate the issue when their lives are on the line. The demonstration was probably meant in good faith, and those who attended did not cross the line. But if an open dialogue was the goal of the group, I hope they can also accept that, at the end of the day, deaths due to gun violence are too much of a problem for a demonstration like that to be the solution. Drew Taylor is a columnist. Contact him at dtaylo78@kent.edu.

KentWired.com 19

NUMBERS TO KNOW:

T-Mobile and Sprint join forces A proposed $26 billion deal marks the merger between two of the U.S.’s major telecommunication companies.

141 Shaquem Griffin drafted by Seahawks

It took 141 picks, but the one-handed football player made history and joined his brother Shaquill in Seattle.

Cheers&Jeers

Cheers to ... underachievers. An understanding Texas town is hosting a race for underachievers. The distance? .5K, instead of the traditional 5K.

Jeers to ... creative criminals. An Oregon suspect led the cops on a chase, fleeing on a motorcycle with license plates that read “XFELON.”

20 The Kent Stater

Monday, April 30, 2018

Stay Humble, Stay Hungry, Stay Stypinski: One of the greatest Kent State gymnasts of all-time looks back on a historic career Libby Schrack Sports Reporter When Rachel Stypinski was 3 years old, she would jump from couch to couch in her family room in Gilbertsville, Pennsylvania. She had so much energy that her mother knew she had to do something — anything — to keep Rachel active and occupied. The answer, Marci Stypinski decided: Gymnastics, a sport Marci had competed in at college at Temple University in Philadelphia. For Rachel, that started a 20-year career that took her to Kent State, where she will graduate in May as one of the best gymnasts in school history. She is a three-time MidAmerican Conference gymnast of the year. From the floor of her home, Rachel went to Silvia’s Gymnastics, which trained girls from ages 3 to 18 for competition. And since, she has spent her life upside down as much as right side up. From the start, Marci said, “Rachel loved it, and it was really good for her as far as coordination, balance and to get rid of some energy.” Within a year, Rachel’s mother knew gymnastics would be far more than a hobby for her daughter. By the time Rachel was 10, she was winning multiple events at USA Gymnastics league meets, advancing faster than anyone expected. “I always loved the competitiveness of the sport,” Stypinski said. Rachel loved learning the routines, competing against people as good as she was and meeting people who also loved swinging and flipping. “I started becoming successful in fourth grade,” Stypinski said. “I began [exceeding]

my expectations and my coaches. My skills were increasing quickly. But even at that age, I tried really hard to stay level-headed and not be cocky.” The leaps and the tumbling came easy. The mental aspect came harder. Her mind started to get in the way of her body. There were times when she would get ready to do a cartwheel but couldn’t convince herself to start to put her hands on the mat. The struggle came and went. Just days after freezing, she could go out and win a regional meet. But things got so bad that in high school, Rachel didn’t compete on the vault for three years. Sometimes in practice she would refuse to do bars — one of her best events. Her parents didn’t know what to do. “No matter what I said, I couldn’t help,” Marci said. They went to multiple sports psychologists and a hypnotist before they found one who taught her to “visualize,” to see herself perform her routines before she did them. Rachel didn’t compete her whole senior year until the state championship meet. Then she went out and won it. Rachel started hearing from college coaches even before high school. In eighth grade, she met Craig Ballard, then an assistant coach at Bowling Green. A year later he was hired at Kent State and began to talk up his new school to her. In her sophomore year in high school, Rachel blew out her left ankle while performing a double backflip in a tumbling pass in practice. The injury sidelined her for months, and the college coaches called less often. Kent State kept in touch, and when Rachel

Kent State senior Rachel Stypinski poses with four of her Mid-American Conference gymnast of the year awards. Adrian Leuthauser / The Kent Stater

returned to competition the next fall, she was better than ever. Some national gymnastics powerhouses — Utah, LSU, Penn State — contacted her then. But Kent State had stayed loyal to her throughout her time off. When Rachel attended a Flashes practice on an unofficial visit, she said she could tell the team was having fun, and it wasn’t “forced fun.” “The coaches reminded me of my home coaches that I grew up with,” she said. Stypinski’s mom also liked Kent State immediately. But the biggest factor about her decision came when her dad sat down with her and asked, “Do you want to be a little fish in a big pond or a big fish in a little pond?” “I want to make a difference,” she told him. Kent State coach Brice Biggin knew from the start Stypinski was going to be special.

‘‘

The Stypinski File -Three-time MAC gymnast of the year -Co-MAC freshman of the year -MAC specialist of the year -MAC all-around champion -MAC champion on bars and beam “She was so talented,” Biggin said. “She was a kid that was going to do all four events, but her tumbling and beam were phenomenal.” College, though, was an adjustment. Club gymnastics, Stypinski said, were all about individual skill and performance. She had to adjust to the team component of college gymnastics.

She was a kid that was going to do all four events, but her tumbling and beam were phenomenal.” – Brice Biggin Kent State coach

Monday, April 30, 2018

In college, Stypinski said, gymnastics “is an individual sport, but you still have the team aspect of it.” There are no team scores in club gymnastics; at Kent State, Biggin sometimes doesn’t even want to talk about individual performances if the team loses. In interviews, Stypinski usually talks about her teammates before she talks about herself. Biggin said at first Stypinski wanted to train at practice like she did in club — setting her own pace and standards. But Biggin wanted intensity all the time. “I could be stubborn,” Stypinski said, and it took her awhile to adjust to the practices expected at Kent State. “Once she intensified her practices, she became one of the most consistent gymnasts in the gym,” Biggin said. Stypinski’s mental blocks followed her to college at first. “We knew she struggled mentally sometimes,” Biggin said. But, the coach told her, “bulking” — freezing in the middle of a skill — can cause serious injuries. And if a gymnast did it in practice, the whole team had to do pushups and suicide sprints. Not letting her teammates down kept her on track. Biggin could see every day Stypinski was working to overcome the mental blocks. Each practice it seemed to get easier. Stypinski relied on the visualization she had learned. “At practice, I just try to have fun with the team so that way I don’t think too much,” Stypinski said. “When I think too much, the mental blocks come back.” “As her coach, I knew patience was key in the situation,” Biggin said. “By the time the season came around her freshman year, we really never had problems with it.” Each year things improved. Stypinski said she would still get nervous about dismounts and slip once in a while. At her final event in regional competition, she did her dismount without having practiced it for a week because of an injury. But she pulled it off. Physical struggles were perhaps worse in college. Like all gymnasts, Stypinski was

‘‘

KentWired.com 21

Senior Rachel Stypinski on the balance beam during Kent State’s annual Pink Meet, scoring a 9.925. The Flashes lost the meet against Eastern Michigan with a final score of 194.875-193.925. Alexander Wadley / The Kent Stater

often hurt; she counts seven injuries in her career that resulted in casts or surgeries. Her first big injury was a stress fracture in her foot in eighth grade. She missed eight months because of the ankle injury in her sophomore year. She missed the MAC Championships her sophomore year because of a concussion. She missed the conference meet again this season because of the worst injury in her career. It came on the last event during her last competition on her home floor at the M.A.C. Center. On the floor exercise on Senior Night, Stypinski was doing the same powerful double backflip in a laid-out position she was doing when she was hurt badly in high school. This time the other ankle gave way. Stypinski fell to the mat and cried out. She lay on the floor for minutes while trainers worked on her, eventually calling a gurney and an ambulance. The crowd — many of whom had watched her perform for her whole college career — sat silently. Her parents were among them. Other gymnasts, fans and other MAC schools believed Stypinski’s gymnastics career had come to an end. She didn’t. She left the hospital the night after the meet on crutches. She was still on them and wearing a walking boot when she watched and cheered Rachel Stypinski on her teammates at

As a team, I wanted to show that we can compete against those bigger teams and higher our level of gymnastics. I hope that is my legacy.” – Kent State gymnast

Stypinski in the record books All-around: 39.575 - third in school history Beam: 9.975 - second in school history Bars: 9.950 - tied for first in school history Floor: 9.975 - tied for second in school history the MAC Championships. But doctors cleared her to try to compete on the bars in the NCAA Regional meet two weeks later. Bars could work, they decided, because bars was almost entirely swinging with her arms; the only time her foot hit the mat was when she landed — the move she never practiced leading up to the meet. “Every day I iced my ankle, wore a walking boot and kept it elevated,” Stypinski said. “I tried to do my best to get the swelling down and to strengthen it.” “It was one of the hardest things I have ever faced,” she said. “But it made me realize a lot about myself, that an injury doesn’t define you.” She did her last routine at NCAA Regionals, ending with a stuck landing and cheers from Kent State’s team. She scored a 9.800, not her highest score ever. But she said it is her fondest gymnastics memory. “Sticking the landing and ending on a high note is something I will never forget,” Stypinski said. “Rachel has brought the level of Kent State gymnastics up as far as expectations,” Biggin said. “When you hear her talk, it is never about herself. It is always about the team. That’s one of the rare things that comes from an athlete as special as her.”

The team’s motto this season — developed by Stypinski and the other seniors — was, “Stay Humble, Stay Hungry.” Her teammates say Stypinski exemplifies the words. “She motivates everyone around her to work just as hard as she does,” said senior Michaela Romito, Stypinski’s best friend. Stypinski’s excitement shows when she sticks a routine. But she shares the same excitement when a teammate hits a dismount or the team celebrates a win. Freshman Abby Fletcher said Stypinski was the exact role model she needed this year to guide her through her first season. “I looked up to Rachel a lot in the gym,” Fletcher said. “I just observed how she handled practices and tried to figure how she was so successful.” Stypinski wants to help future gymnasts after she graduates, but not necessarily as a coach. She will be graduating this spring with a degree in criminal studies and a minor in psychology. She hopes to attend grad school at Kent State or Auburn to study clinical mental health counseling. Because she struggled mentally at times, Stypinski wants to help others through it. Stypinski leaves Kent with a pile of allaround titles, high scores and MAC titles. But when asked “What legacy do you hope to leave behind?” she sighed and said quietly, “Wow. That is a hard question.” Finally, she said: “As a team I wanted to show that we can compete against those bigger teams and higher our level of gymnastics. I hope that is my legacy.” Contact Libby Schrack at eschrack@kent.edu.

22 The Kent Stater

Monday, April 30, 2018

Attack of the internet trolls Gershon Harrell Diversity Reporter Madison Newingham, a liberal political activist and junior double majoring in political science and history, wrote for The Kent Stater as a columnist, where the expression of her views led to unwanted and frightening internet trolls. For women and people of color in the media — where trolling often occurs — making their content public makes them easier targets of trolling. “People would call me an idiot and stupid and a lot more vulgar words,” Newingham said. “I was appalled. I had no idea people would attack my character because of my beliefs.” Newingham’s political journey began at the age of 8 after a conversation she had with her father. “I don’t think I would feel comfortable with you dating a black man,” she remembered him saying. That statement left her appalled, disgusted and confused. By 12, she knew her goal was to be an attorney and fight for marginalized people. “My parents told me that they don’t think I should go into that field because it’s a maledominated field, and they don’t think I’ll be successful,” Newingham said. “So I was like, ‘No, that’s stupid,’ so then I decided to join mock trial and started to become more politically aware.” Trolling began for Newingham with Facebook, where she would post her political views. She said she would cite her sources so her posts wouldn’t be just opinion-based. “A lot of people, instead of posting their opinions, would attack my integrity instead of what I was saying, which was very weird,” Newingham said. “A lot of people would start with ‘because I was too young’ or literally because I was a woman and I didn’t have a clue as to what I was talking about.” Newingham recalls her time at the Kent Stater, where most of her trolls were younger men or “baby boomer men.” “I wrote an article about sexual assault and, one guy literally told me he hopes I was assaulted,” Newingham said. “I was kind of like, ‘Ha! Jokes on you, I was!’” During her time at the Kent Stater, Newingham wrote a #MeToo article, where she was telling men they had nothing to be afraid of and talked about what sexual assault is and what “clearly defined consent” looks like. “This guy emailed and accused me of going

on a witch hunt, and then I’m not sure how the KKK came into this,” Newingham said. It was the most alarming email she ever received and caused her to go to the local authorities and then the FBI. The email Newingham received from David Anthony, a KKK supporter, mentions the hanging of black people as part of his ‘southernly duty.’ He refers to Newingham as a male in the email. “If you can’t stand with the race in their defense of our beautiful white woman then you have no right to call yourself a man,” Anthony wrote. “Your words about the sexual misconduct witch hunt are in the same as ku klux klansmen justifying the lynchings of black men.” Followed by the email, Newingham hosted a forum on women’s liberation in the Kiva where she saw a man who looked out of place. “I felt bad stereotyping,” Newingham said. “But he looked like someone who would not agree with the message, who is totally against women’s equity, I just felt really uncomfortable in that space.” Newingham said she was advised to have campus police escort her around campus. “I stayed off campus as much as I could,” Newingham said. To combat trolls and situations like Newingham’s, Michelle Ferrier, a journalism professor at Ohio University, created a website called “Trollbusters." Internet Trolls “I don’t use the term internet trolls because the term disguises these different types of actors — hate groups, political operatives, anonymous hackers and others that perpetrate online attacks,” Ferrier said. Trollbusters comes from a project called “Spot-Hate” that Ferrier started 13 years ago. “The idea was to map the racial hate indecencies that were beginning to rise in the U.S.,” Ferrier said. Because she was still close to her emotional trauma and post-traumatic stress from her own experience with trolling, she shut down the project. Ferrier was a lifestyle columnist at a newspaper who wrote about her experiences raising a family. “They were heartfelt, intimate conversations with my readers about being a mother — a black mother in a southern Florida town,” Ferrier said. “Those stories were garnering a huge audience. That was threatening because it was bringing people together and sharing those intimate experiences.” She said the unification was a threat to people who felt like they weren’t being

heard, including white supremacists. She came up with the idea of Trollbusters three years ago at a hack-athon for women publishers, and it began as an anti-gamergate tool. “I was much aware of women being targeted in the gaming industry as a result of some of their speaking out against misogyny in the industry,” Ferrier said. “So I felt like — given some of the ways they were attacked on social media — that maybe we could solve for that and come up with a tool that would be able to help them preserve their voice online in the face of an attack.” Now, Trollbusters is being used as a way to protect women journalists and journalists of color in the media. Ferrier mentioned there has been an erosion of public confidence in the press, which has led to a silencing effect among journalists. “Their inability or unwillingness to engage in social media, cover certain kinds of stories, because of the attacks that are happening … leads to certain stories and voices not being represented well in the news media,” Ferrier said. As a professor, Ferrier said she encourages her students to think about how they use social media and consider changing their names as they move on through the industry. “We’ve actually seen attacks and activity against student media particularly targeting

women of color and student journalists of color, as well as women journalists; attempting to derail you in your career aspiration before you even begun,” Ferrier said. Ferrier asks people to think about how their names are being used and where they are disclosing their physical information so that they can stop the physical effects that begin online. “These threats have an effect, so being able to collect the data on the report to Trollbusters, so that we’re able to collect the data and demonstrate to law enforcement, to legislatures and to platforms the kind of activity that we’re seeing online,” Ferrier said. Ferrier said one of the things they try to do at Trollbusters is educate students and trainers on what they should do if this should ever occur. “We produce an infographic that details the types of threats that journalists experience online which is very different from the general population,” Ferrier said. Trollbusters gives step by step instructions on how they can handle those kinds of threats. “We’ll try and help you on how you should navigate and respond online in order to be able to protect your reputation and allow you to continue to communicate online,” Ferrier said.

Contact Gershon Harrell at gharrell1@kent.edu.

Madison Newingham, April 7, 2017 as she leads the, “I Defy” March for Planned Parenthood. Courtesy of Madison Newingham

Monday, April 30, 2018

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