STRESS FREE CHRISTMAS

A less stressful Christmas

Most people love the festive period with the build-up and all the excitement in the run up to the big day. Of course, spending the Christmas season enjoying quality time with your loved ones as well. It’s a wonderful time but it can also be very stressful for those who oversee all the planning and organising. That’s a job that often lands on the mothers. The good news is there are lots of things that you can do to make Christmas less stressful. So you too can focus more on enjoying yourself and spending time with your family instead. Get Yourself Organised The first thing you need to do to reduce Christmas stress, is to get organised. Choose the way you’re most comfortable. Whether it’s a notes app on your phone (handy because you can access and edit it from wherever you are). Classic to-do lists on paper, or even a dedicated Christmas planning notebook if you’re feeling extra festive. To feel organised and in charge, you need to get all those to-dos out of your

head and written down. Make lists of everyone you would like to buy a present for. Along with any gift ideas you already have. Shopping lists and meal plans for the Christmas dinner and the festive period. Plus anything else you need to buy or sort out before Christmas, like some new Christmas decorations perhaps. Once it’s written down on paper or on your phone, you can let your mind relax a bit. This should immediately reduce your stress levels massively and help you feel in control. Which should allow you to actually enjoy the process of organising Christmas.

Declutter Your Home

Christmas usually comes with added stuff which can quickly clutter your home if you haven’t made space for them beforehand. Clutter can be a huge stress trigger for many of us. So it’s important to be proactive and have a decluttering session before the holiday season. Making sure you have space for anything new that comes into your home over the holidays.

Get Prepared Early

There are lots of things you can do to prepare for Christmas to make things easier and less stressful. In the kitchen, try to use up things you have in the fridge, freezer, and cupboards. To make more space for the yummy Christmas food shop. You can also start buying nonperishable items since the shops have lots of Christmas stock already. This will help spread the cost and will make the shopping more manageable too. When you’ve bought a present, write down what it was on your list and who it’s for and wrap it up straight away. Put a name tag on it and put it away. Then it’s done and you don’t need to factor in the time needed for a big present wrapping session right before Christmas.

Delegate Tasks

When it comes to the final preparations (or any before that if you wish), remember that you can – and should – delegate tasks too. Remind yourself that Christmas is not YOUR responsibility. The whole family and any other people who are involved should help too. This could be by making some of the food, doing some of the shopping, getting the decorations up or helping to declutter and clean the house. Christmas is a family event that we should prepare for and celebrate together.

Many people decide to make resolutions at New Year. They carefully select what they are going to give up, berate themselves for their old, bad habits and put themselves under increasing pressure to stop doing things that they have often enjoyed. Many of those resolutions last a week or two before stress, desire for comfort and simple forgetfulness propel them back into their old ways. Let's look at another approach that may have a better chance of success. Positive resolutions are supportive, encouraging and gentle. They encourage us to improve with kindness, especially kindness to ourselves. Let's look at some of the best positive resolutions, taken from my postbag: Maxine asks “I struggle to say how I feel in my relationships. I always dread how people are going to react if I disagree with them or I worry that they will find my suggestions and ideas foolish. I need to change my approach because I'm finding that I'm becoming increasingly resentful. Have you any suggestions on how to do this?” Relationships are about compromise. People evolve and change over the years. Being respectful and accommodating those changes allows people to maintain their individual identity whilst appreciating each other within the context of their relationships. Some thoughts for resolutions: - Start voicing your opinions. Speaking in a calm, respectful manner prompts positive discussion. Remaining silent can lead people to feel that you agree, have no strong opinions or are fine about what has happened. - Consider the outcome you want from each situation and work towards that goal. Fear and anticipation of what may happen is usually far worse than reality. Many people get into the habit of second guessing how others are thinking and feeling. Being assertive and dealing with issues immediately avoids negative selftalk.

- Allow others to take responsibility for their own choices and decisions. If they choose to accept situations you need to respect their decision. Being respectful includes respecting yourself and deciding what's right for you. Honesty in communications improves the quality of your relationships. - Start to vocalize ideas and viewpoints, suggest topics for discussion, become more noticeable in your group. - Work on improving your confidence. Maybe undertake therapy to improve any negative patterns or expectations you have identified. Do things to improve how you feel about yourself. Benefit your self-image by becoming fitter and taking more care about how you look, dress, feel. Improve your conversational skills by noticing how others interact, keep up to date with popular culture and gradually enhance your life skills. When you feel able to be yourself, are confident about speaking openly and honestly, you become happier, more positive and relax into a more fulfilling quality of life. Interestingly everyone benefits as your relationship with yourself improves. Heather asks “My work situation is feeling increasingly like a treadmill. I know that I should be achieving far more in my career. I don't feel appreciated at work where I'm taken for granted and under-valued. What should I do?” It's important to feel useful and satisfied in your work. Most people spend more time at work than anywhere else. The truth is some people are more ambitious than others. Not everyone wants to be a managing director or senior executive and some people are content to do the same tasks day in, day out. Some thoughts for resolutions: - Decide to be the best you can be each day and commit fully to each job you undertake. Many people complain about work, say that they would love to leave and retire or do something else but are trapped by the need for a regular income. People who do leave their jobs often find that they soon replace one occupation with another. They may start a new business, undergo training, volunteer, but many people find it important to fill their days with activity. - Appreciating that you are fortunate enough to have a job, have work that keeps you occupied, gives you a role in life, is one way to turn a negative viewpoint around. Starting now, be the best you can be, whether you are sweeping roads or doing brain surgery. This mindset gives a sense of pride and satisfaction in your daily efforts and accomplishments. - Acknowledge that work provides more than income. It provides a structure to your days, gives a reason to get up in the morning, have a shower, be smart and

presentable. Many people value the social element of their job, the interaction with others and camaraderie, the team dynamic. - Take responsibility for improving your situation. Is there potential for training, changing your role, an opportunity for more responsibility, perhaps the chance of a secondment elsewhere. If your company offers staff appraisals tell your manager that you want a more challenging role, are keen to develop and improve. Even if there are no immediate opportunities at least you have indicated your willingness to progress. - If you have no choice but to continue in your present work situation look at the other areas of your life and ensure that they provide stimulation and satisfaction. Perhaps commit to interesting hobbies like amateur dramatics, set physical challenges or join a team sport that requires regular commitment to training, offer to help a charity. Alternative means of finding commitment and satisfaction can ease a less than positive work situation. By taking responsibility and making positive changes you can feel more in control and less like a hamster endlessly running on a wheel. Having fun and fulfilment in some areas of your life helps to reduce the frustration felt in other areas. Mandy asks “I am tired of my social life and the people I mix with. My friends seem increasingly negative and superficial and I am bored with the same old pattern of clubs, drinking and gossiping. What can I do to change the situation?” Sometimes a group automatically make the same plans and arrangements without any real thought about alternatives. It becomes a habit to just turn up regularly. No one really thinks about it. Could it be that if you were to suggest something new or different people would relish the opportunity for a change? Some thoughts for resolutions: - Make the decision to surround yourself with positive people and conversations. If you feel that you have outgrown some of your friends commit to a fresh start in those areas. People annually sort out their Christmas card list and shed a few names each year. Why not do the same with any negative, unsupportive friends and acquaintances in your life? Start to spring clean the unpleasant people out of your life and make more time for positive, upbeat people. This generates better energy around you. - We all have to compromise and support each other's choices and wishes on occasion. Compromise is part of sharing our life with others, but it's important for our interests and choices to be accommodated at times. Be sure to voice your ideas and make suggestions for activities that interest you.

- Be more assertive. If you don't like an idea that someone has suggested, the way they are behaving, the way a conversation is going then say something. You have a responsibility to yourself, to your quality of life and the choices you make. Saying 'no' can be a positive word in your vocabulary as it allows control over your decisions and choices. No one really knows how you think or feel unless you tell them.

- There is no need to put all your eggs in one basket and commit to spending your free time with just one group of friends. Many people form friendships in several areas of their lives. They may have friends from work, neighbours, parents from their children's schools, friends from childhood, people accumulated along the way; all are socialized with at different times throughout the year. An assortment of people can accommodate your many interests and areas of life. - Make a commitment to yourself and ensure that you schedule certain things that give you pleasure on a regular basis. Put yourself in your diary just as you would an important client or meeting. Whether it be time for exercise, lunch with friends, reading a book, having a leisurely bath, commit to some regular personal time. It supports your health, is a good way to minimise stress and keeps you better humoured and feeling more in control of your life.

Positive resolutions support you and provide a better approach to improving yourself and your life. When you treat yourself with kindness you become a happier person, everyone benefits and your quality of life is enhanced. Resolutions are often associated with New Year, but in truth, any time can be a good time to commit to improvement.

Susan Leigh A.C.H.Qual, M.N.C.H.(Acc), M.S.M.S.(Acc), H.A.Reg from Altrincham,Cheshire, is a counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor,writer & media contributor who offers help with relationship issues,stress management,assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients,couples and provide corporate workshops and support.

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Kay asks “I feel like my life has barely begun and I worry I haven't lived fully. Will I get to have an adventure?”

Kay is a Taurus with Mercury and Venus in Gemini and Mars in adventurous Aries. She asks will she get to have an adventure but it is likely that if she looks back on her life, she will have had many exciting journeys. 1985 for instance will have been a year of change and opportunity while Uranus linked with Mars in her chart. The start of this millennium will have been fun, stimulating and unpredictable with some interesting friendships that will have helped Kay change and grow. This pandemic has brought a period of restriction for everyone but there will still be opportunities for Kay to have more adventures with a big change set to happen in 2023.

Janice asks “I have just split from my long-term partner. Will I find someone new?“

Janice is a Libran with planets in Virgo and Scorpio. This suggests that as well as relationships being important to her, she is a loyal and honest and loves very deeply. That’s why she will need time to get over this breakup before starting a new relationship. Rather than rushing into anything, Janice should press the pause button and spend some time reconnecting with her inner-self. This is her chance to do things that make her happy and that nourish her beautiful soul. With Saturn linking with Venus in her chart, Janice could find herself reassessing many aspects of her life and relationships as she deals with old wounds and learns to love herself unconditionally.