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STORIES OF STRENGTH
Welcome back, ladies, to the latest installment of Keys Woman.
For this issue, we wanted a theme that would bring people together. We wanted to tell stories of strength; stories that would remind women to recognize our similarities; empathize with our adversity and celebrate our triumphs.
So the choice was clear: Let’s talk politics.
I’m kidding, of course. Good lord, could you imagine?
Then we looked at the calendar, where a pink ribbon was printed next to the word “October.” Our decision was made.
In recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and in honor of every woman who has battled this common enemy, we share in this issue stories of survival.
In these pages, you’ll meet two Keys women who conquered breast cancer and now work to ensure that no woman fights that war alone. Another warrior, one who works with us here at the Keys Weekly, is still fighting — while miraculously managing her workload as well.
But cancer isn’t our only obstacle. Women survive, overcome, defeat, conquer and succeed in the face of countless adversaries.
Erin Stover shares her prescription for surviving divorce — and the housing crisis it prompted. Annie Briening explores the pain of losing a parent — and recognizes her grief as the price we must pay for a love that powerful.
Stephanie Mitchell reminds us that we won’t conquer anything if we try to do everything. She offers a calming reassurance that it’s OK to do nothing on a Sunday, and offers some soothing self-care tips. She also compiled the playlist for this issue — familiar songs played peacefully on the piano, and she gives us some comfort food ideas that we can share with struggling friends or snuggle up with ourselves.
Astrologer Chris McNulty reveals what our Zodiac sign reveals about the coping skills that may suit us best.
Manuela Carrillo Mobley tells her own inspiring story of an immigrant who overcame homelessness and hardship to become a badass business woman. Kirby Myers was ready to try anything to calm her mind after a crippling panic attack. She shares her experience with Quantum Healing Hypnosis Therapy.
And finally, I lightened things up a bit with a cautionary tale about surviving my 20s in Key West — before social media preserved all the incriminating evidence.
And as always, without Irene de Bruijn, our own wonder woman of a graphic designer, this magazine would be nothing more than a pile of words on paper. Thanks for always making us look our best, Irene. Thanks for joining us again for another issue of Keys Woman. Let’s celebrate our strengths and our survival — of all things — together.
— Mandy Miles
Publisher
Jason Koler
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Creative Director
Stephanie Mitchell
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Jim McCarthy jim@keysweekly.com
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Contributors
Erin Stover, Annie Briening
Chris McNulty, Jen Alexander
Karen Newfield, Kellie Butler Farrell
Kirby Myers, Nick Doll, Weekly Staff
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for the girls! BE TRANSPORTED in these pages WE’D BE LOST without you, Anneke ALTERNATIVE HEALING & a look at past lives LOCAL RESOURCES for help OVERWHELMED? STRESSED OUT? here’s how we handle it
BY STEPHANIE MITCHELL
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We’re all just out here trying our best to survive, but in this issue of Keys Woman we are highlighting life’s struggles, which we all know happen when we least expect it. The hope is that everything will turn out just fine and most of the time it does, but not without an immense amount of effort, positivity, tears and wondering how in the hell we’ll ever get to the other side.
So as you settle into our latest edition of Keys Woman we invite you to unwind and find inspiration in our personal stories of heartache, survival and triumph. We’ve created the perfect playlist — songs you’ll likely recognize, but are being played beautifully on the piano.
We hope you find comfort in knowing that through all of life’s struggles, you are not alone and if just one person is uplifted by the stories and content in these pages, then we’ve done our job.
Keep on keepin’ on and know that a smile can mean more to someone who’s struggling than you’d ever know.
Stay strong and thank you for listening and reading.
Scan for our Keys Women playlist
— Stephanie Bennett Henry
ShakeupLEMON
Your grandmother said it to you. Beyonce developed an entire album around the concept. “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” It’s a cliché for a good reason. But as it goes with the most oft-printed, well-loved sayings, it’s easier said than done. Let’s face it, life passes out some pretty rank produce some days. We know that it’s in our best interest to counteract negativity, but we’re also human and therefore just as happy to wallow in it. At some point though, there’s nothing else to drink, so you might as well get on with it. How do you start? You could start with the classic formula – sugar. But what if those lemons could also get you drunk? Fermentation, perhaps. Or maybe you have a great cut of fish to prep for dinner? Double down on the citrus pungency and add some garlic. The point is that you don’t have to follow expectations, you simply have to do something.
I learned the importance of flexible thinking in lemon-based recipes last year when stuck between housing options. Having vacated the house I owned, I came face-to-face with a housing crisis that’s all too familiar in paradise. There were no affordable long-term rentals available for the next eight months. The lemonade response would have meant plunking down an amount of money most mortals can’t afford, on a place most wouldn’t choose, and convincing myself I was happy with the product. Another twist (or squeeze) would have seen me relocate out of the Keys. I’m sure I would have been content with either and found all à propos silver linings. But there was another option; several, in fact. I’m fortunate to have a great support network and, once I started seeking more choices, I found inexpensive offers all over the world.
When life hands you lemons...
I said a mildly terrifying yes, and lived out of a suitcase for the better part of a year, with the outlook of “without a home, there’s no reason to be homesick.” There were messy bits and sour patches. Lemonade would have been the easiest concoction, but instead I opted to try preserved lemons in Turkey, lemon risotto in Greece, lemony mussels in Denmark. I definitely got lemon juice in a few cuts, but it was a far more interesting experience than any lemonade I’d ever tasted.
That initial squeeze is the hardest part. In fact, it’s difficult enough to have been studied extensively in the context of both business management and personal psychology. Kosi Stobbs, a serially successful entrepreneur, was interviewed by Forbes last year as an expert in navigating shifting markets. His advice to “seek out feedback from as many sources as possible” could just as easily apply to personal decisions. It never hurts to crowdsource our most impactful life choices, and to look at things from all angles. Information reigns supreme - you can gather without limit, sort and sift, and retain only what’s useful. Ultimately though, our decisions are our own. We live with the paths we choose, but always have the ability to pivot. Stobbs agrees this is the most important aspect and stresses adaptability above all. “Where you thought you were going might not be where you need to go.”
Sue English, a Chicago-based therapist, offers a similar sentiment, within a more humane framework. Acknowledging that people naturally seek familiarity, she contends that anything contrary can lead to distress if not managed well. Taking the idea a step further, though, she accentuates the importance of being open to change in spite of the potential discomfort. “Being resistant to change is natural. But there may come a time when it becomes more uncomfortable to stay the same than to move forward.” While we are busy mistaking our familiarity for comfort, negative patterns may be taking hold. English describes patients feeling stagnant and stuck in routines, which limits their growth and their potential for broader experiences and connections. Ultimately, we must sometimes exchange comfort for opportunity.
Change is not easy. Often, it’s not even our choice, but is thrust upon us. The only aspect within our control is how we respond to the shifts that are bound to happen in life. We can dodge or we can swerve and change course. We can bemoan the sour, or we can make lemonade. The drinks we mix aren’t always simply a sweeter version of reality, but have the potential to be so much more interesting. So, when faced with an uncomfortable shift, consider every possible redirection. Therein lies the possibility of the big life experiences we never expected. After all, if you knew what was coming, you wouldn’t have to get out of bed in the morning
Oh come on! You don’t have to make lemonade.
Sheriff Rick Ramsay (R) Supervisor of Elections (D) Joyce Griffin
“I think Ron could do a great job and definitely ensure the integrity of our elections.”
“I believe Ron Saunders has the integrity, qualifications, and experience needed for the position.”
County Commissioner (R) Craig Cates
“I have worked with Ron Saunders on many occasions and he has always been there for his community!”
and
by Ron Saunders, Democrat, for Supervisor of Elections
and approved by Ron Saunders, Democratic, for Supervisor of Elections
BY ANNIE BRIENING
GRIEF IS THE PRICE WE PAY FOR LOVE
LOSING SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU IS A PERSONAL JOURNEY, ONE THAT LOOKS DIFFERENT FOR EACH OF US. A YEAR AND A HALF AFTER LOSING MY DAD TO CANCER SOON AFTER HE TURNED 71, I’M STILL LEARNING WHAT IT MEANS TO LIVE WITH THAT LOSS.
But as I sit down to write about grief, I can’t help but feel a sense of “imposter syndrome” — like my experience isn’t more important or profound than anyone else’s. So many are carrying their own grief, and I wonder, what makes mine worth sharing? My loss is just one of many, and perhaps by sharing it, I can connect with others who feel the same uncertainty and pain.
Then there is the question that I can’t figure out if it brings me guilt or solace. What’s worse? Losing a loved one after watching them battle silently or to lose them suddenly, without warning?
I’m incredibly grateful that I had the chance to ask him more questions — even though as time goes on, there are still so many — so I am now asking them to myself hoping he will send me some kind of sign. I got to tell him how much I love him and appreciate the family he and my mom built together for me and my two sisters and beautiful nieces and nephew. And on his last “day,” we got to watch our beloved Philadelphia Ea -
gles make it into Super Bowl LVII. I got to be there with him for his last word, which was “love,” spoken in the presence of my mom and my sisters. But how is that fair to someone who loses a loved one suddenly, without the chance to say goodbye? Or is it better to be spared the pain of watching someone you’ve always seen as the strongest, smartest and funniest person in your world suffer, their light fading away before your eyes? I am not sure there is a right answer.
My reality is, I learned that grief isn’t something you “get over.” It’s more like a companion that walks beside you. Some days, that companion is quieter, and other days, it shouts. But I’ve found moments of peace, too — whether it’s in a memory or, most recently, a very vivid dream that I had been waiting for. Sad peace, but peace nonetheless.
Something I read and am working on is that the only mistake in grieving is to avoid it entirely. There are countless ways we grieve, and each one can be valid and healthy. Even within the same family, no two people will
grieve the same way. That’s why we shouldn’t judge how someone else processes their loss, as long as they are allowing their grief to be expressed and acknowledged.
Almost two years later, I’m still figuring it out — how to keep moving forward while holding onto the love and memories my dad left behind.
Grief is not a process you simply move through — it’s a reflection of the deep love we have for those who are no longer here, the price we pay for their love. For me, it’s a constant reminder of how much my dad meant, and how much he still means, even though I’ll only ever get to see him in my dreams.
“Grief is the price we pay for love.” Queen Elizabeth delivered these words as part of a condolence message she sent to the families of the 250 British victims of the 9/11 terrorist attack. The words themselves are adapted from a passage written by Dr Colin Murray Parkes, a psychiatrist at St.Christopher’s Hospice in his book Bereavement: Studies of Grief in Adult Life.
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BY STEPHANIE MITCHELL
SELF CARE
TAKING CARE OF YOU AND YOUR SANITY
I like to think of myself as an introverted extrovert. What in the heck does that mean, you might be asking, and I agree, it’s taken me years to realize this about myself and that this was even a personality option. An introverted extrovert is someone with both introverted and extroverted tendencies. They may be outgoing and sociable in some situations, but also need alone time to recharge.
I recently heard Zendaya say in an interview, when asked what she loves to do in her free time, “Nothing. Lie in bed and do nothing at all.” The interviewer seemed confused, but her words hit me like a ton of bricks. “If Zendaya can sit at home and do nothing, nothing at all, I can too.”
But every week, when the office starts discussing plans for their weekend, my number-one goal is to stay in my robe and never leave my beautiful linen sheets (unless there’s a boat day option). That’s where my colleagues laugh, say “yeah right” and my plan begins to fall apart.
Very rarely am I able to report back on Monday that my weekend sequestered away was actually accomplished. But it is certainly strived for.
This year my son and husband both began working on Sundays, which gave me the opportunity to finally have a weekend day (well, seven hours) all to myself.
Thus launched my very own version of Self Care Sunday. Yes, I call it that, and my friends check in to see if it’s actually happening.
I’ve heard a lot about self care over the past few years, as we emerged from COVID and had turned our homes into personal sanctuaries. But now we’ve been forced back out into the wild, so when I get a moment or two just for me, I like to get my head on straight, relax and recharge my personal batteries. Hopefully you see an idea or two at right that resonates with you as well.
Sometimes we’re just trying to survive the week, so enjoy whatever day, hour or minute you can dedicate to you.
We’ve got to take care of ourselves and mentally unplugging seems to be the right direction for me and my sanity.
• Goal #1: Stay in your robe (PJs, sweats, ballgown, whatever makes your heart smile).
• Don’t answer the phone if it pertains to work. It’s OK; you’ve earned a day off.
• Light a lovely smelling candle or incense, even if it’s July and Balsam Fir is your favorite.
• Long, hot steamy showers seem made for a relaxing weekend. These moments include scrubs, shaving, deep conditioning hair masques, and the perfect shower ledge for a cocktail or glass of wine. I pop on a playlist and let Calgon take me away.
• Moisturizing, face masques, mini at-home mani/pedi, waxing, flossing and self tanner.
• Futzing around the house, tidying up with no particular deep-cleaning mission in mind.
• Hmmm. A mimosa would be a great idea. (Isn’t it always?)
• Gentle flow yoga, long holds in restful positions.
• Meal prep: I should throw all this chicken on the grill for the upcoming week to make the afterwork and -school grind a little less daunting.
• Take a cat nap.
• Watch a show or movie you know by heart.
• Read, read, read. (What you want, not what you think you should read.)
• If you love to cook or bake, just know you can do it in a robe or PJs.
• Keep the house cold and dark. (It’s difficult to purposefully avoid the outdoors when you have year-round sunshine.)
• Make those phone calls you keep meaning to make and catch up with friends and family near and far. If a phone call is just too much, send a sweet “thinking of you” text.
• Order in; if something sounds delicious, just order it.
• Spend a little extra time loving on your pet(s). They miss us all week, too.
• Tackle a fun task, like cleaning out your closet, and show up on Monday with goodies for your co-workers.
• Good old online shopping; there are usually great discounts on weekends.
• Have an event or trip coming up? Start trying on outfits and get out the luggage; it’s never too early to start getting excited and planning your packing.
• Be kind to yourself and look for the fabulous, not the flaws.
Hurkledurkle
A 200-year-old Scottish term meaning to lounge in bed long after it’s time to get up.
“It’s been a long week. I think I’ll just hurkle-durkle today.”
HEALTHY DISTRACTIONS
HOW TO SURVIVE DIVORCE
When I was first contemplating divorce, my best friend told me repeatedly, “only you can know when you’re full.” According to her, leaving a marriage was a bit like finishing a decadent meal. Some courses are delicious, some are questionable, but in this scenario, you’ve paid for an eternal chef’s menu and the courses will continue to arrive until you push back from the table. She was at least partially correct. Recognizing the moment when you’ve had enough is a massive challenge.
What no one tells you is that the next step is so much harder, because once you throw down your proverbial napkin, you have to go somewhere, right? And who among us would willingly step out into a void, a vacuum, oblivion? We can never know what’s coming next, but we can choose where to focus our attention. Some paths may prove to just serve as distractions, but others will deepen, eventually turning into new ways of living. When going through my own divorce I, consciously or subconsciously, identified three paths to walk when I left the restaurant.
Friendship
My divorce left me adrift and hungry for connection. I needed my friends. I called up all assortment of characters for conversations and advice. I accepted every invitation to meet for a happy hour, a CrossFit class, or to help run interference at a kids’ birthday party. I was available. A funny thing happened as reactivity turned to habit and I started to genuinely enjoy these experiences again – arguably more than ever. What started as free therapy shifted from salve to earnest fun.
Often, we allow marriages or serious romantic relationships to satisfy our basic needs for support and communication, neglecting our platonic friendships. But just like a marriage, these relationships require nurturing. I made a conscious effort to be a better friend, to call on birthdays, to recognize when someone needed to talk. My friendships deepened and my time was suddenly filled with positive reciprocal interactions. It made me a better person; plus, when I wasn’t looking, I caught myself actually having a good time again. In recognizing types of friendships I had in my life, I worked to galvanize the most precious handful, and made a point to maintain intentional contact with the rest. Rather than feeling lonely or conversely overwhelmed by having to respond to every text from an acquaintance, I knew who I could call for an emergency, and who was my go-to for a fun night out.
Spoiler alert – they weren’t the same person and that’s okay!
Dating
The process of consciously reprioritizing friendships meant reevaluating existing relationships. With the friend realm of my life feeling stabilized and healthy, I became aware of a wildly unexpected desire to create new relationships, also known to less awkward people as dating. After a decade of marriage, I realized the whole mechanics of the operation had changed.
Craving distraction and caving to curiosity, I downloaded my first dating app, the follies of which could fill a book. It was an exciting venture, but one that prompted my first feelings of being the oldest person in the room, the one who uses the wrong slang and misses the pop culture references. But I knew the value was in the learning. I sharpened my communication skills through lighthearted banter and learned about the hundreds of different personality types out there. In short, I pried my own eyes open, updated my operating system, and as a side-effect had a really good time doing it. What started as a distraction became a healthy way to tone my (admittedly damaged) emotional fitness.
Pressing Pause
The act of surviving divorce means knowing where to add and where to subtract. The biggest subtraction being the marriage itself. At some point, I did in fact know when to stand up from the table and walk away from a meal that had soured. There were other healthy casualties. Gone were the frenemies, the sometimes friends. In dating, I quickly parsed red flags from green. Other areas required trimming too. People show themselves fairly clearly, but activities and habits are a little murkier. There were elements of my life that I truly enjoyed, but recognized the unrealistic amounts of time they required. At a time when I needed to focus on mental and emotional health, I was still allowing myself to be pulled in a hundred directions at once. Distraction is great, exhaustion is not.
When I finally developed the clarity to see the difference, I made some cuts. Saying “no” does not come easy for Midwestern reformed people-pleasers. Like many things in life, the first was the hardest. I delivered it when quitting a part-time job I loved. While bittersweet, that initial “no” freed up eight big, full, juicy hours in my week. Subsequent declinations flowed out of my mouth much more freely. I left a board, turned down invitations that came on my only nights off. I delegated work tasks that were more than I could reasonably bear. I didn’t drop everything just because someone asked. In return, I gained the luxury of time to enjoy solitude and process my thoughts.
The end of a big meal brings a lot of bloat. The moment you stop gorging yourself, though, is the moment you start digesting. For me, the digestion process meant reevaluating what defines a healthy friendship, and how I can be a better friend. It meant making myself vulnerable in exchange for new experiences. It also meant knowing what full really means, and being able to tell people, jobs, obligations, “I’m sorry, but I simply couldn’t eat another bite.”
SURVIVAL SKILLS OF THE ZODIAC
Survival looks different to each individual, and everyone has methods of coping based on the nature of their trauma, their upbringing, their supportive communities and the resources available to them. Astrology is a helpful tool for understanding oneself and for analyzing the thematic arena in which events happen, but it is not a catch-all framework for understanding the complex nature of survival for each person. Astrological insights should always be used in conjunction with psychological, spiritual, emotional and physical considerations.
That being said, each Zodiac sign does have a unique personality with its own methods for coping with difficult or traumatic experiences. Understanding the nature of each sign, particularly when you look at your own birth chart and understand which area of your life is overseen by each sign, can help you to tap into the natural coping mechanisms provided to you by your cosmic inheritance.
HOW EACH SIGN COPES WITH CHALLENGES
CANCER
JUNE 21 - JULY 22
RETREAT TO AN EMOTIONAL SANCTUARY
ARIES
MARCH 21 - APRIL 19
SWEAT IT OUT
Aries is not inclined to sit around waiting for things to get better on their own. They naturally burn off stress and difficult feelings through physical exercise, laborious exertion or high-energy recreation. For an Aries, coping is an active process, and they will naturally find reprieve by increasing their heart rate and moving difficult feelings through their system.
TAURUS
APRIL 20 - MAY 20
FIND COMFORT IN THE FAMILIAR
As an earth sign, Taurus copes best when they can ground themselves in their surroundings—whether through sensory experiences like cooking a hearty meal, enjoying nature or spending time in their cozy home. Taurus seeks stability when things get tough, and routine or familiar comforts help restore their sense of well-being.
GEMINI
MAY 21 - JUNE 20
TALK IT OUT
Ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication, Gemini deals with stress by expressing themselves. They process their emotions through conversation and sharing ideas, often seeking diverse perspectives to gain insight into their situation. Staying mentally active and engaging in stimulating discussions helps them cope. Writing, reading, or learning something new also keeps Gemini’s mind sharp and their anxiety at bay.
As a water sign, Cancer turns inward when life becomes overwhelming, often retreating to the safety of home or a space that feels emotionally secure. Nurturing themselves—and sometimes others—is Cancer’s way of coping. Whether it’s through quiet reflection, spending time with family, or immersing themselves in soothing rituals, Cancer finds strength in creating an emotional sanctuary.
LEO JULY 23 - AUG. 22
SHINE THROUGH THE STORM
Leo, ruled by the sun, thrives on expression and creativity. When life gets stressful, Leo finds comfort in the spotlight, whether it’s through art, performance, or organizing a gathering. Recognition and appreciation from others serve as vital sources of support. By focusing on their passions and putting their heart into their work, Leo navigates challenges with confidence, channeling the Sun’s radiant energy
SAGITARIUS VIRGO
CAPRICORNUS
VIRGO
AUG. 23 - SEPT. 22
ORGANIZE THE CHAOS
Virgo’s methodical nature helps them restore order in times of stress. As an earth sign, they cope by organizing—whether it’s cleaning, making to-do lists, or developing a plan of action. By breaking down complex emotions or situations into manageable pieces, Virgo gains clarity and control, turning chaos into productivity.
SCORPIO
OCT. 23 - NOV. 21
EMBRACE TRANSFORMATION
Scorpio, a water sign ruled by transformative Pluto, doesn’t shy away from intensity. When faced with challenges, they embrace change head-on, allowing difficult experiences to push them toward personal transformation. Scorpio’s coping mechanisms often involve deep introspection, facing fears, and finding emotional release through cathartic experiences, whether it’s through therapy, creative outlets, or private moments of surrender.
SAGITTARIUS
NOV. 22 - DEC. 21
EXPLORE AND EXPAND
SEPT. 23 - OCT. 23
RESTORE
BALANCE AND HARMONY
As an air sign ruled by Venus, Libra copes by seeking balance in both relationships and their environment. Whether it’s resolving conflict, rearranging their living space, or creating something beautiful, Libra needs harmony to feel at peace. When stress arises, they often lean on their social connections, finding comfort in companionship, diplomacy, and shared experiences.
Sagittarius copes with stress by expanding their horizons, often through travel, new adventures, or philosophical exploration. Ruled by Jupiter, the planet of growth, Sagittarius seeks meaning in life’s challenges and turns to their sense of optimism to get through tough times. A change of scenery or broadening their perspective through learning often brings them back into balance.
AQUARIUS
JAN. 20 - FEB. 18
INNOVATE AND DETACH
Aquarius, an air sign ruled by cold Saturn, tends to detach emotionally when faced with stress, opting instead to seek rational, innovative solutions to their problems. They cope by stepping back and analyzing situations from an objective viewpoint. Aquarius finds comfort in thinking outside the box and embracing their individuality, often seeking inspiration from their community or broader social movements.
PISCES
FEB. 19 - MARCH 20
DIVE INTO DREAMS
CAPRICORN
DEC. 22 - JAN. 19
BUILD A SOLID FOUNDATION
An earth sign that thrives on structure, Capricorn copes with stress by focusing on long-term goals and building a secure foundation. They channel their energy into hard work, discipline, and practical solutions. Capricorn’s resilience lies in their ability to remain steadfast, even in the face of adversity. For them, coping often looks like planning for the future and ensuring they are prepared for whatever comes next.
CAPRICORNUS
Pisces, ruled by expansive Jupiter, copes with life’s difficulties by retreating into their inner world of dreams and imagination. As a water sign, Pisces often finds solace in creative expression, whether through art, music, or spiritual practices. They may seek to escape harsh realities at times, but they possess the emotional depth to process their feelings through introspective and compassionate means.
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IN KEY WEST’S DARK AGES MILES TO GO
OK, let’s lighten things up a bit.
We themed this issue of Keys Woman around survival, basing the decision on October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month, then broadening it to encompass so much more. We’ve found and shared in these pages inspiring stories of local women’s strength, survival, healing and triumph in the face of monumental challenges — cancer, divorce, upheaval, grief, anxiety.
This isn’t one of those stories.
This “survival” story deserves no credit, and offers no inspiration. On the contrary, it could be viewed as a cautionary tale, but we figured we were ready for a little levity.
I deserve no admiration and certainly no comparison to or equivalency with anyone else in this magazine.
But I did manage to make it through my 20s on this island without any major catastrophes, trips to jail or stints in rehab — all while gainfully employed in a profession fully related to the college degree I had obtained just two months before moving here in 1998 at the tender age of 22.
Ah, the good old days, when we had a hell of a good time making bad decisions.
Fortunately, though, those were also our own personal dark ages, as social media did not exist. There was no “permanent record” of the aforementioned bad decisions. They weren’t posted, shared, liked, judged and sharply criticized on Facebook or any other digital platform. Those simply didn’t exist.
Back around 1999, we were all just getting our very first cell phones, still worrying about anytime minutes and still using the number keys to send primitive text messages, hitting the 3 key four times to type the letter F, cycling through 4, D, E, F.
Any photos from that time were taken with an actual camera, a digital camera, yes, but not one of a million ubiq-
uitous phones. Said photos were stored, trapped actually, on memory cards until transferred from camera to computer, so sharing was neither easy nor instant. Without a worldwide distribution system, it was still possible for whatever happened in Vegas … to stay in Vegas — and Key West.
Facebook and Twitter didn’t exist, so forget Insta, TikTok, YouTube and Snapchat. And cell phones weren’t smartphones. Phones didn’t have an internet connection. We didn’t know what we were missing — or the pitfalls that awaited us.
But those old phones did something peculiar. They rang. Actual person-to-person voice calls were still the primary function of the early cell phones. Texting was still in its infancy. Emoji wasn’t even a word. We had no online profiles, other than some rudimentary AOL account that lived on our hulking desktop computer that still had a phone cord plugged into the back of it for a lagging dial-up connection. We had no news feeds, followers or Facebook friends we didn’t know and would never meet.
Google was still being populated with information. There was no Gmail and perhaps most importantly for local behavior, the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office was still a few years away from launching its online mugshot directory at keysso. net.
There were no apps. No Amazon. No online shopping, or reviews for hotels, restaurants or products.
Nothing went viral, ever. Unless it was talk of the dreaded Ebola virus in Africa.
And yet somehow, we managed. We survived. In fact, we thrived, perhaps because of our technological limitations.
I survived my 20s in Key West in spite of myself.
My fellow Key Westers of the late ’90s and early 2000s, can you imagine a sea of smartphones hovering above the dance floor at Wax around 3 a.m. while Bernie or Peter ran the DJ booth?
Have you considered the potential fallout — personally, professionally and legally — from photos taken at those bizarre after-hours parties that seemed to magically occur at closing time? The ones that made us glad we had a pair of sunglasses in our purse as we made our way home around dawn?
Technological advancements arguably have made life easier. But there is and was a time and a place for everything.
Thankfully, my 20s were behind those high-tech times. And I survived.
BY STEPHANIE MITCHELL
FINDING COMFORT IN FOOD
We’ve all been there. A friend’s parent has passed away and if you’re anything like me, asking “how are you” over and over feels trite and unhelpful, which is the exact opposite of what you’re hoping to accomplish in that moment.
Letting them know you’re there for them can present itself in many different forms and while they might not feel like eating at the time, not having to think about it when hunger strikes is one of the easiest and most supportive ways to show them you care.
There is a reason friends, family and neighbors gravitate toward carb-heavy meals like lasagna, mac ’n’ cheese, chocolate chip cookies, and various soups for grieving families: they’re comforting.
For most people, whether they realize it or not, these dishes remind them of happier times.
So the next time you’re offering your condolences and a shoulder to cry on, bring a little nostalgia with you too. These recipes are easy to freeze or reheat when their appetite returns.
BAKED MAC & CHEESE
Ingredients (mac)
• 8 ounces uncooked elbow macaroni
• ¼ cup salted butter
• 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 2 ½ cups milk, or more as needed
• 2 cups shredded sharp Cheddar cheese
• ½ cup finely grated Parmesan cheese
• salt and ground black pepper to taste
Ingredients (bread crumb topping)
• 2 tablespoons salted butter
• ½ cup dry bread crumbs
• 1 pinch ground paprika
Directions
• Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease an 8-inch square baking dish.
Macaroni and cheese
• Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add macaroni and simmer, stirring occasionally, until tender yet firm to the bite, about 8 minutes; it will finish cooking in the oven. Drain and transfer to the prepared baking dish.
• While the macaroni is cooking, melt ¼ cup butter in a medium skillet over low heat. Whisk in flour and stir until the mixture becomes paste-like and light golden brown, 3 to 5 minutes.
• Gradually whisk 2 ½ cups milk into the flour mixture, and bring to a simmer.
• Stir in shredded Cheddar and finely grated Parmesan cheeses; season with salt and pepper. Cook and stir over low heat until cheese is melted and sauce has thickened, 3 to 5 minutes, adding up to ½ cup more milk if needed.
• Pour cheese sauce over macaroni and stir until well combined.
Bread crumb topping
• Melt 2 tablespoons butter in a skillet over medium heat. Add bread crumbs; cook and stir until well coated and browned.
• Spread bread crumbs over macaroni and cheese, then sprinkle with paprika.
• Bake in the preheated oven until the topping is golden brown and macaroni and cheese is bubbling, about 30 minutes.
CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP
Ingredients
• 2 pounds skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
• 8 cups water
• 2 stalks celery, chopped
• 1 carrot, chopped
• 1 green onion, chopped
• 4 cubes chicken bouillon
• 4 teaspoons dried parsley
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 teaspoon seasoned salt
• 1 teaspoon salt (or to taste)
• ½ teaspoon dried basil
ASHLEY’S CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
Ingredients
• 1 ⅔ cups all-purpose flour
• ¾ teaspoon baking powder
• ½ teaspoon baking soda
• ½ teaspoon salt
• ¾ cup butter, softened
• ¾ cup packed brown sugar
• ⅓ cup white sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 cups milk chocolate chips
Directions
• Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
• Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt; set aside.
• In a medium bowl, cream together the butter, brown sugar, and white sugar until smooth. Beat in the egg and vanilla. Gradually stir in the sifted ingredients, then stir in the chocolate chips. Drop by rounded tablespoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets.
• Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in a preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on a baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.
• ¼ teaspoon ground black pepper
• 6 ounces egg noodles
Directions
• Place chicken, water, celery, carrot, green onion, chicken bouillon, parsley, bay leaf, seasoned salt, salt, dried basil, and pepper into the bottom of a slow cooker. Cover and cook on low until chicken breasts are no longer pink in the centers, 5 to 6 hours.
• Remove and discard bay leaf. Remove chicken, shred using 2 forks.
• Return shredded chicken to the pot. Stir in egg noodles.
• Cover and continue to cook on low until noodles are tender, 20 to 30 minutes.
Tip: Bring some paper plates and silverware. Now your friend has all this delicious food, but is probably not in the mood for doing endless dishes.
October 21 - November 2 8:30 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.
EARLY VOTING LOCATIONS
Supervisor of Elections Offices
5200 College Rd., Key West 10015 Overseas Hwy., Marathon 102050 Overseas Hwy., #137, Key Largo
Other Locations
Big Pine Key Community Park End of Sands Road
31009 Atlantis Dr., Big Pine Key Islamorada Branch Library
U.S. Hwy, 1, MM. 81.7 Islamorada
Precinct
Nueva
KEY WESTER LORI REID SURVIVED BREAST CANCER AND LOSS — BUT STILL SPREADS LOVE AND LAUGHTER.
“THEY HAD TO GO”
LORI REID HAD TO GET SOMETHING OFF HER CHEST, QUITE LITERALLY. HER BREASTS HAD BETRAYED HER. THE CANCER THAT INFILTRATED THEM COULD HAVE KILLED HER, AND REID REFUSED TO LIVE IN SUSPICION OF HER OWN BODY, WAITING FOR THE THREAT TO RETURN. THEY HAD TO GO. “IT’LL BE 10 YEARS THIS SUMMER,” REID SAID.
She smiled over a glass of wine during a recent Key West afternoon on Duval Street and recalled her fateful mammogram at Womankind and the trouble it revealed: triple-negative breast cancer, an aggressive form that can multiply rapidly. She also remembered the bra that may have saved her life.
“I had gotten a new bra,” she said, “And I had been a little complacent in doing my breast self-exams. But when I was putting on that new bra, I felt a lump.” That lump launched a new chapter in Reid’s life, the one every woman wonders if she’ll face.
“Triple-negative breast cancer is aggressive; it’s slash and burn,” Reid said.
She was diagnosed in April 2014 and started chemotherapy injections on June 1. The chemo would last about 20 months, with an infusion every couple of weeks, until November 2016.
Reid worked at the Tropic Cinema when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and continued to work throughout her chemo treatments, treasuring the support and love from her colleagues and customers, who were all aware of Reid’s breast cancer battle.
“I must be the only Black woman who can’t wear wigs,” she said, laughing. “So I was the bald woman with huge earrings” — and a smile that even chemotherapy couldn’t dim.
“Everyone just loved on me to no end; this community is amazing,” she said, giving special thanks to her close friend and former boss at the Tropic, Matthew Helmerich.”There were people at the synagogue who started a prayer circle for me; and everyone was just so supportive during my treatments.”
Reid also got plenty of support and TLC at home from Kenny Adams, her partner of more than a decade at the time — and his dog, Bubba.
“And it worked,” Reid said. “The chemo killed the cancer; it was gone. But I didn’t trust my breasts. I knew it could come back, and I wasn’t going to just wait for that to happen, so they had to go.
“I wasn’t attached to my breasts by then; they had betrayed me,” said Reid, now 70, and a mother of two adult children. “So I finished chemo in November, and had a double mastectomy (breast removal) the week before Christmas — because I’m cheap, and wanted to make sure I had already met my insurance deductible for that year.
Months after the double mastectomy, Reid had reconstructive surgery for breast implants
“I still wanted to fill out a sweater,” she said. “I was 60 then. If it happened today, I don’t know if it would have been as important to me. In fact, losing my hair was tougher for me than losing my breasts, because the breasts were in my control. That was my decision. My hair left me.”
Reid, a San Diego native, moved to Key West in 1999. She worked first for Key West Art & Historical Society, in the museum shop at the Custom House. Then she became a fixture at the Tropic until retiring in 2017.
Two years after beating breast cancer, Reid faced another battle when Kenny Adams, her partner of 16 years, passed away.
“I had met him on a bar stool at the Green Parrot. The loss of a spouse or partner is something we have to survive as well,” she said. “The loss of my breasts was such a small thing compared to the loss of Kenny. I didn’t trust my breasts anymore, but I loved, loved Kenny. And I thank God every day that he left me the house — and the dog, Bubba. And that forced me to get up and get out of
bed every day. I had to live and continue for this dog.”
And she did.
“I miss him every day, but you know, I have the remote in MY hand, finally; I can eat cereal for breakfast — and I have Bubba,” she said. Not one to sit still, Reid joined the board of the Key West Literary Seminar and now works three days a week at Books & Books, at the corner of Eaton and Simonton streets.
As for the breast cancer, Reid said she hasn’t had to see an oncologist since year 5 after her surgery.
“I’m not gonna lie, chemo is tough, but my doctors were great and they beat that cancer with a stick,” she said, taking a sip of wine. “But it’s strange. I never actually thought or worried I was going to die from cancer. It was something I had to live with for a while, like a bad roommate.”
But of course, not every cancer comes with the same chances of successful treatment, and to me, those people are the true warriors, the truly strong survivors. I’ve just learned we have to fill our lives with things we’re passionate about. That’s what enables us to go on.”
1. Lori Reid. NICK DOLL 2. Lori Reid. TROPIC CINEMA/Contributed 3. Lori’s ssons, Gordon (l) and Jackson (r). 4. Lori at Books & Books, her happy place. 5. Dog Bubba, the Key West porch hound. CONTRIBUTED
A LATINA WOMAN’S JOURNEY
BREAKING BARRIERS
MANUELA CARRILLO MOBLEY HAD ENOUGH OF THE DICTATORSHIP IN VENEZUELA. SHE LEFT HER FAMILY AND HOMELAND FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE IN THE U.S. HER JOURNEY TO ACHIEVE THE AMERICAN DREAM WASN’T EASY, HOWEVER. SHE WORKED FROM THE ROOFTOP IN THE SOUTH FLORIDA HEAT. SHE EVEN WENT THROUGH A PERIOD OF HOMELESSNESS. HERE IS MANUELA CARRILLO MOBLEY’S STORY IN HER OWN WORDS.
Let’s rewind to 2004. As a native, I said “adios” to Venezuela in pursuit of the American dream.
Having a dictator running my country was no joke. I never thought I’d live a life waiting hours to buy meat, only to find it had run out. I never expected to be robbed frequently or unable to go out at night due to rampant crime. I was stuck there and had no way to support my parents. I had to do something to change this. In 2004, I arrived in Miami. I was 19 at the time.
Language wasn’t a hurdle when I arrived in the Sunshine state. I learned English in Venezuela, so when I arrived in Miami, I thought speaking English was really all I needed to get work. I was wrong — and young. I had no diploma or anything to back me up. It was only my word, my resilience and my desire to work hard and prove myself.
The lack of jobs paying a decent wage was a big challenge for myself and other single Latina women. But I did manage to get one foot on the bottom rung of the ladder, and started climbing, as in, to the roof. It’s true. I learned to fix roofs in South Florida, stumbling upon the unlikely opportunity through a general contractor I’d met (long story). The job was tough. And hot. But it paid enough to make financial independence in a new country possible.
Obviously, proving myself in a maledominated industry was no walk in the park. The guys saw me as a distraction, not a coworker and certainly not an equal. I kept asking for contracts, but kept getting only the “easy” stuff, which meant less money.
But I refused to be sidelined. Armed with the tenacity of a Capricorn, I soaked up roofing skills and knowledge like a desert cactus in a rare rain shower. After starting as an “observer” on the big projects, I moved up to assistant and eventually called the shots as a team leader. I climbed that ladder one shingle at a time (pun intended) until 2004, when it all took an unexpected turn. My personal relationship faltered, leaving me homeless in a foreign land and hurting for money. My family — my main support system — was thousands of miles away in Venezuela.
I slept in my minivan behind the restaurant where I worked. They let me use their bathroom and the manager of a nearby nightclub, who lived in a small apartment behind the club, let me use her shower.
A cop once knocked on my window while I was asleep. I feared I’d be arrested, but instead he offered me $20 for gas and told me about a nearby shelter. He was concerned for my safety. I wasn’t. I was embarrassed, defeated and depressed, but not worried about safety. It’s funny how circumstances change you.
I was malnourished. I couldn’t afford food, so I ate whatever they gave me at the restaurant. I saved every dollar I earned to get a place to live.
I don’t have any pictures of those times — who wants to remember being homeless? But I remember clearly looking up at the sky and the stars through my car window, tears falling, wondering what the hell was I going to do. How would I tell my parents I’m homeless? How would I go back and tell them I’d failed?
I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. And I didn’t. I never told them about my struggles. My parents had enough to deal with back home; I wouldn’t add more pain. And I decided I wouldn’t wallow. I refused to despair. I hustled harder, working three jobs, making coffee at the restaurant in the morning, serving lunch in the afternoon and hosting at a club at night. The work was exhausting. I slept four to five hours a day in my car for almost three months, saving every penny to claw my way out of the van and into a place of my own.
Determined to acquire marketable skills, I seized every opportunity for self-improvement. I thought to myself, if the opportunity doesn’t present itself, then you have to find a way to create opportunity. It all depends on how badly you want it. And I wanted it badly.
Years passed and resilience eventually paid off and led me to new paths. I landed a job for AT&T in November 2005 and had a successful career working within their different departments for almost 10 years.
I seized an opportunity to establish a retail shop with T-Mobile, a competitor of AT&T. I teamed up with investors to make this dream a reality in May 2015. Located in the heart of Key Largo at the Pink Plaza, my store thrived for almost three years before I decided to sell it. During that time I met influential members of the Florida Keys community and got involved with amazing organizations.
With a retired software engineer as my now husband and life partner, I delved into the world of website design and digital marketing. He told me that If I wanted to make the big bucks in this field, I needed to “level up.” Enrolling at the University of Miami, I honed my skills and graduated as a professional in digital marketing, equipped with the tools to thrive in the digital realm. I also opened “Digital Keys Inc. during this time and freelance website work.
My next venture began when I applied for a digital marketing position at Overseas Media Group, the digital arm of Keys Weekly Media. However, with my sales and management experience, I was offered a different role, which I eagerly accepted and executed for two years.
Looking back, I had the privilege of serving as the sales director for both Keys Weekly and OMG, two amazing companies that shaped the way businesses in our community embraced both traditional and digital marketing. My time there wasn’t just about sales; it was about being part of something bigger, including advocating for womens’ rights and equal pay, values these companies proudly stood for. The impact of those days and the shared goals we championed will always hold a special place in my heart.
This experience motivated me to pursue a position with the Key Largo Chamber of Commerce, supporting the community and getting more involved with nonprofits, a world unknown to me. Today, I proudly serve as the new membership and marketing coordinator for the Key Largo Chamber, growing a caring and passionate team.
From leaving Venezuela to fighting through the struggles in South Florida, I believe in the beauty of dreaming and going after what you want. So to all the fierce mujeres out there, stand tall, fight fiercely and never let anyone dim your shine. After all, the world is your playground, so go out and conquer.
Nothing matters but your will to succeed and the strength of your heart.
1. Manuela Carrillo Mobley. KEYS WEEKLY PHOTO
2. Carrillo Mobley worked as a roofer in South Florida upon her arrival to South Florida from Venezuela in 2004. CONTRIBUTED
3. Carrillo Mobley left her roofing job for a position with AT&T in 2005. CONTRIBUTED
4. Carrillo Mobley volunteers her time with Habitat for Humanity of the Upper Keys. CONTRIBUTED
SHAYNE
MESSINA IS
A PILLAR
OF SUPPORT FOR BREAST CANCER PATIENTS
NO ONE WALKS ALONE
WHEN SOMEONE IN THE MIDDLE KEYS BEGINS TO BATTLE BREAST CANCER, SHAYNE MESSINA IS THE SHOULDER THEY LEAN ON.
A courageous survivor who battled ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) in 2015, Messina has a powerful message for the women of the Florida Keys: Prioritize your health and get regular mammograms. Her urgent plea comes during Breast Cancer Awareness Month, a time to champion early detection and empower women to take charge of their health.
“I get a mammogram every year,” she said. “It’s so important that women get screened because I didn’t even have a lump or any signs or symptoms. I just went in for the appointment like I do every year and they found it with the X-ray machine. It was small, but they caught it early, so I feel very fortunate.”
Ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) targets the delicate cells of the breast’s milk ducts. These cells turn traitorous (malignant), but remain trapped within their confines (in situ). DCIS is a precursor to breast cancer, representing approximately 20% of cases. While often silent, it can be exposed on a mammogram, revealing itself as microscopic clusters of calcification. Although non-invasive, DCIS is a serious matter that demands attention.
Messina’s treatment involved a targeted lumpectomy and radiation therapy, but she was spared the grueling ordeal of chemo therapy due to the early detection. In line with the latest medical guidance from the Centers for Disease Control, the United States Pre ventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) has reinforced the importance of early breast cancer screening. They now recommend that all women aged 40 to 74 get mammograms at least every two years if not annually.
Messina readily admits that compared to many others, her treatment experience itself was “a little blip” because of her early detection. And today, she laughs: “You could look at my boobs and you’d never know there was anything wrong. Breast cancer survivors have no qualms showing their boobs – we’re so used to being poked and prodded.”
3.
Despite her short experience, she distinctly remembered one act of kindness at Lynn Cancer Center that began her journey of support for other women in the Keys.
“The day of my surgery, this nurse in pink scrubs came to the door and said, ‘I’m here for you.’ I said ‘Oh, I’m just going in to get my surgery.’ She said, ‘No. That’s my job – to make sure nobody walks this hall alone. That’s why I’m here.’ She didn’t have to be there, but she was there for every breast cancer surgery that was going on.”
The philosophy stuck.
“That really impacted me,” she said. “And most people tell me they’ve had similar experiences wherever they go; there’s a very supportive network and team.”
Today, Messina is one of the faces of the American Cancer Society in the Keys, along with a main driver of Marathon’s annual Hope Walk (formerly known as the Strides Walk). Her phone rings with calls from friends and strangers alike who are beginning their own battles – and it’s not until hours later that she hangs up.
“Sometimes, all they want is somebody to talk to, yell at, b*** to, whatever,” she said. “I just sit there and listen, and let them say whatever they want. They say, ‘I feel so much better since I talked to you,’ and I tell them to call any time.”
Messina’s breast cancer diagnosis was the first in her family. Now, she says, doctors are telling all of her relatives to go ahead and start their screenings – even those under 40, as some cancers are genetic and early testing can identify mutations.
Mutations to the BRCA1 or BRCA2 genes are called Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer Syndrome, and are the leading cause of hereditary breast cancer. Both men and women can have these mutations. The CDC writes that 7% of women in the United States will develop breast cancer by age 70. But for women with BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutations, that number jumps to 50%.
“Approximately one in eight women are diagnosed with or affected by breast cancer,” said Messina. “We really can’t emphasize enough how important it is to go get those mammograms. It’s definitely uncomfortable and nobody likes it, but it’s fast and it could save your life. So just go get it done.”
1. Shayne Messina, shown here with her rescue pup Aska, shares strength and support for women battling breast cancer. ALEX RICKERT/Keys Weekly
2. Shayne Messina is one of the faces of the American Cancer Society in the Keys. CONTRIBUTED
Shayne Messina smiles for a selfie following radiation treatment. CONTRIBUTED
BOOKSOFLAUGHTER,HOPEANDRESILIENCE: WOMEN WHO PERSEVERE.
STRENGTH IN HER STORY
BEHIND EVERY GOOD MAN
By Sarah Goodman Confino
When Beverly Diamond unexpectedly drops by her husband’s office, she catches him and his secretary in the act, unraveling a betrayal she never imagined. Returning home, Larry finds his suitcases packed. As a woman in 1962, Beverly doesn’t have many options. Once a top student, she gave up college to become a homemaker, wife and mother. Now, in her late 20s, Beverly realizes winning the election would be the sweetest revenge as Larry runs the senatorial campaign of a local, two-faced liar. The next day, Beverly sweet talks her way into the offices of his opponent, candidate Michael Landau. He is smart, handsome and honest. But Landau’s campaign has no money, no traction and little direction. Using every lesson learned from her longtime politician father, Beverly turns the race upside down. Fun and fast-paced, we travel into a past where women were seen and rarely heard. The fight for independence and equality, two battles still being fought today.
HERE WE ARE
By Aarti Namdev Shahani
The Shahanis arrived in New York in the 1980s with their three young children. The parents would do whatever was necessary to give the family a better future. With luck and aptitude daughter Aarti receives a scholarship to Brearley, an all-girls academy on the Upper East Side. Her new friends are consumed with country homes, walkin closets and exotic travel. Aarti quickly realizes that despite continuous success, her skin would always be darker, her family poor. The Shahanis move to New Jersey when her father and uncle establish a successful electronics business that’s later implicated in a money-laundering investigation. Embarrassed and badly advised, they make a deal that would later
ruin their lives. With love and respect, Aarti becomes their voice and leader, uncovering systemic inequities throughout the U.S. immigration system. A memoir of a tenacious young woman determined to keep her family together. Today, Aarti Shahani is an award-winning journalist at NPR, and there’s no question her father would be immensely proud.
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE?
By Sophie Kinsella
Five kids is no small feat, but with a supportive husband by her side, Eve is fortunate to have a true partner. As an awardwinning novelist, Eve often imagines her life is simply too good to be true – until one day she awakens in the hospital feeling very confused. With Nick at her bedside Eve can barely form the words floating through her mind. He explains she survived an intensive eight-hour brain surgery to remove a malignant tumor, stage 4 glioblastoma. As Eve struggles to put her life back together, she endures endless hours of therapy, relearning basic tasks. Still, Eve remains hopeful, accepting help from her support system of professionals, family and friends while learning to manage physical difficulties along with the emotional rollercoaster of cancer. Eve lives honestly and openly, accepting every moment as a blessing. Typically an author of light comedies, this autobiographical fiction is quite different for Sophie Kinsella, a beautiful soul who gracefully shares the most terrifying story of her life.
THE TRADE OFF
By Samantha Greene Woodruff
Bea was a genius with numbers who consistently topped her class. With a mind that effortlessly calculates and visualizes patterns, she excelled in the stock market and dreamed of becoming a broker. But in 1926, women weren’t generally welcome on Wall
BY KAREN NEWFIELD
Street. Living on the Lower East Side with her immigrant parents and twin brother was not always easy. While her father managed a fruit cart, her charming brother was a handful. Bea was expected to marry and stop this nonsense of wanting a career. Determined to help her father establish his own grocery and give her mother a bit of the glamour she left behind in Russia, Bea and Jake come up with a plan. He would enter the banking world with Bea posing as his secretary but secretly choosing the investments. As Jake’s career soars, their wealth grows beyond their wildest imagination. Bea has never stopped seeing patterns. In 1929, what she foresaw was catastrophe—but who would listen to a woman?
THE LION WOMEN OF TEHRAN
By Marian Kamali
Until 1953, Ellie’s family lived in a beautiful home in Tehran. As a descendent of royalty, Ellie’s mother was obsessed with image and status. That disappears when her father dies and they are left in the care of his brother who moves them to a shoddy apartment. At seven, Ellie’s only concern is to make a new friend. When school begins she meets an outspoken classmate named Homa and the girls become inseparable. Ellie enjoys Homa’s large family and striking confidence. Eventually circumstances change and Ellie returns to the bourgeoisie society of earlier days. When the friends later reunite, Ellie is concerned with clothes, hairstyles and husbands, while Homa is determined to study law and become a judge. As the young women navigate the shah’s regime from contrasting perspectives, their friendship is not simple any more. While Ellie falls in love, Homa’s involvement in a student communist group endangers them all. The brutal fight for women’s freedom in Iran continues today. They refuse to give up.
BY
KEYS WEEKLY EMPLOYEE, ANNEKE PATTERSON, SHARES PERSONAL CANCER JOURNEY
Stay positive; it’ll help
THE SILVER AND GOLD PALM TREE NECKLACE WORN BY ANNEKE PATTERSON WAS A GIFT FROM HER HUSBAND TJ SHORTLY AFTER SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER. THE CARD ATTACHED READ, “PALM TREES BEND, BUT THEY NEVER BREAK.” FOR THE MARATHON WOMAN AND HER FAMILY, OVER THE NEXT TWO AND A HALF YEARS, THOSE WORDS WOULD PROVE TO BE TRUE.
“I had no history in our family,” recalled Patterson. “I just kind of had this feeling that when I got to be this old that I really didn’t have to worry about things like that anymore,” she said.
Patterson was 62 years old when an overdue mammogram detected what turned out to be invasive ductal carcinoma.
“I had not had a mammogram for a few years,” recalled Patterson. “There were a few years where I had a lot going on and I put myself on the back burner basically,” she explained.
According to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, the average age of women in the United States diagnosed with breast cancer is 62 the same age Patterson was when she was diagnosed.
“It really surprised me,” said Patterson. “If 62 is the average, there are a lot of people older than me getting it and a lot of people younger than me getting it,” she said.
October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month and the statistics are sobering. One in eight women in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime. In 2024, an estimated 310,720 women and 2,800 men will learn they have invasive breast cancer.
Upon diagnosis, Patterson quickly sprung into action, making an appointment with a top breast specialist at the Miami Cancer Institute in Kendall. A unilateral mastectomy followed.
Patterson, the mother of a 24-year-old daughter and 22-year-old son, soon learned she would need to undergo chemotherapy and radiation.
It was a lot to take in but Patterson leaned on the advice given to her very early on by the doctor who performed her breast biopsy.
“One of the first things that he said to me that I kept to heart was ‘stay positive, because it’s going to help you, it’s going to help you mentally, it’s going to help your body in healing, it’s going to help everybody around you.’
And she did exactly that. Not only did Patterson remain positive and optimistic, she also continued working full time, taking her laptop to chemotherapy sessions, radiation appointments and doctor visits.
Patterson is the production manager for Keys Weekly Newspapers. Her job requires acute attention to detail. She is responsible for making sure all of the legal notices and advertisements are error-free and placed correctly in the three Keys Weekly editions distributed every week to the Upper, Middle and Lower Keys.
For Patterson, and for almost any woman facing chemotherapy for breast cancer, losing her hair was difficult and emotional, but she was prepared.“I knew that the chemotherapy would make me lose my hair so I had already bought a couple of wigs that weren’t very expensive,” she recalled.
Shortly after beginning chemotherapy, it happened. Patterson was shopping at Bealls Outlet when a big clump of hair fell out. She knew what she needed to do. She made an appointment with her hairdresser and as her husband, sister and daughter joined her for support, the hairdresser shaved her head bald.
In July 2023, after 16 rounds of chemotherapy and three weeks of radiation, a cancer-free Patterson rang the bell in front of the Miami Cancer Institute.
Still, her journey with breast cancer was not over. A first attempt at reconstructive surgery ended with her body rejecting the implant. Also, for the next two years she will need to take a chemo pill to reduce the risk of a reoccurrence.
“Here I am two and a half years later and I’m still going through it. So all journeys are different,” said Patterson.
Because of a compromised immune system, Patterson works from home, when out in public, she wears a mask and if she goes to a restaurant, she always requests a table outside.
Recently, on an early Sunday morning visit to Publix during the Labor Day weekend, Patterson experienced what can only be described as insensitivity and ignorance when she said a fellow shopper intentionally coughed on her.
“Just as he passes me, like this close, he coughs twice right at me looking at me,” she recalled. “I told my husband I’m going to write on my mask, cancer sucks, or something, so people know why I’m wearing the mask,” she added.
Patterson’s breast cancer experience makes her keenly qualified to offer up invaluable advice for women and men confronting a breast cancer diagnosis.
Her advice goes beyond staying positive and includes the following:
“Don’t Google too much. That’s something that someone told me right away and I took that to heart.”
“Take one day at a time and one procedure at a time. Don’t get too overwhelmed about what is still coming up.”
“Take care of yourself by getting outside and breathing some fresh air. Even if you’re not feeling up to doing anything, just sit outside for 15 minutes, listen to the birds, don’t be on your phone, really absorb nature. If you can go to the beach, go at sunset time.”
“Do yoga, get enough rest, eat enough protein, stay hydrated and don’t sweat the small stuff.”
This is the first time Patterson is publicly telling her ongoing breast cancer story. In November, on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, doctors will make another attempt at breast reconstruction. “It gets me out of cooking turkey,” she joked.
But in all seriousness, the 64-year-old mother of two decided to share her story in the hope that it helps save lives.
“While I was going through my cancer journey, I had a lot of friends and I had acquaintances that all said they were going to go get a mammogram because of me, and I thought if this story could help someone make the decision to go get a mammogram, it’s worth it.”
1. Anneke Patterson holds a pink pumpkin given to her by a breast cancer survivor. Patterson knows early detection is crucial and wants others to stay on top of their mammograms.KELLIE BUTLER FARRELL/Keys Weekly
2. In 2014, Patterson, along with her husband and son, participated in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk in Marathon. Little did she know that years later she too would be battling breast cancer. CONTRIBUTED
3. Patterson, along with her mother Dinie, her husband TJ, and two children, Ariana and Evan, enjoy a meal outside after several difficult months of chemotherapy and radiation. CONTRIBUTED
4. Patterson encourages people facing a breast cancer diagnosis to take it one day at a time and make time to get outside and enjoy a sunset. CONTRIBUTED
5. In July of 2023, after 16 rounds of chemotherapy and three weeks of radiation, a cancer-free Patterson rang the bell at the Miami Cancer Institute in Kendall. CONTRIBUTED
HAYDEE STEWART
AIMEX GERMAN PILLOW BRITANNIE WESLEY
BETH GROOMS
SUE HAWKINSON
CATHARINE BRUSKI TAMRAH SALAZAR HILL
TEODORA “TEO” MASTERS MEGHAN DAVIS
MICAELA ELEICEGUI KIYA TABB
BEHIND
THE BLONDE
Life, interrupted.
I’m stretched out like a starfish covered in sand, salt and serenity at the edge of the Gulf of Mexico. I haven’t had a single fearbased thought in a week. No unnecessary weight in my brain about anything at all.
I smile and exhale deeply as I close my eyes, acknowledging just a week ago this vacation almost didn’t happen. I can see a twinkle on the left side of my face. I know it’s the sun glistening over the crystal water, but part of me feels it could be more. Whatever it is, it’s bliss. No overthinking. I’m simply right here.
Flashback to last week when one small moment triggered me to the point I started hyperventilating. I carefully drove myself home so I could fully fall apart in private. Exhausting conversations and gut-wrenching fights with my husband followed as I tried but failed to make either of us understand why I felt so broken. He couldn’t grasp how this had nothing to do with him, and I couldn’t blame him — I couldn’t even figure out what about me “it” was. But it was me. And all of me was crumbling.
A feeling of true peace within had eluded me for most of my life. My brain has always been extremely noisy — quiet moments and easy conversations are seldom regular occupants in my head.
It’s been over 3½ years since I removed alcohol from my life, which made a monumental difference in my mental health, particularly my anxiety. Yet despite this massive life shift, something deeply subconscious continued to nag at me. I’d found myself wondering, “Why can’t I stop obsessing over things? Why can’t I stop running a million miles an hour? Why can’t I let go of this feeling of guilt?”
I knew rationally I had so much to be grateful for – healthy children, a husband who worships me, a supportive community and a successful business — but these thoughts were getting increasingly relentless.
I turn 40 next year and in addition to over 15 years of alcohol abuse, I’m in recovery for 20+ years of recurring bulimia. I’ve constantly wondered why I have so much emotional pain, as I’ve had no big trauma that should cause such distress.
I was desperate for change. Two days after my panic attack, I ended up in a private Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique (QHHT)* session. With minimal prior knowledge of this type of healing technique, my fast-paced, can’t-stop-won’t-stop life was interrupted for over six hours while my guide, Jolie, took me through the second most intense and amazing experience of my life next to childbirth.
Jolie asked me to prepare a list of questions that I wanted answers to and we spent the first two hours going over them. I laid down on a comfortable setup of bolsters and blankets and put on an eye mask. We then began 30 minutes of breathwork, then transitioned into hypnosis and for almost five minutes I saw nothing. I remember thinking, This isn’t going to work,” but I was determined to allow myself this experience without overthinking it, which is part of what got me here in the first place.
Then, though I still felt awake, I became aware I was outside my body. A ‘spirit guide’ came to me in the form of a unicorn. My first flashbacks were of childhood and I saw all the neighborhood kids playing down by the river without a care in the world.
I found myself as a child sitting at the top of the stairs in the home I grew up in. I had woken up to my parents fighting so badly they were discussing divorce. I sat there shattered and silent until they saw me. Being privy to the fragility of their marriage at a young age left me fearful and wanting to feel in control. I realized this was the moment I
started carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and that it was time to let go.
I ended up across the street at my neighbor’s house and was guided into their living room towards the treadmill. I started running. Faster. Faster. Faster. I couldn’t stop. I was crying and shaking until I finally found the red emergency stop button and panted for several minutes until I caught my breath. “I don’t know why this is happening,” I cried out loud. Jolie kept reminding me to not ask or worry about “why” but to trust that I’m on the right path. She then suggested I ask out loud if I could possibly go to a different time, a different life…
I remember in one of my early yoga classes she’d mentioned a QHHT session and its miraculous results. She described a man who had chronic unexplained shoulder pain that went away after discovering he’d had his arm chopped off in a past life battle. I was getting more comfortable with the idea of spirituality, but that particular concept was still a bit too “woo woo” for me. Until I hit my breaking point…and now here I was, not at all prepared for what happened next.
It was a medieval time. I followed a knight into the great hall of a castle and saw a king feasting on chicken thighs and goblets of wine as he laughed from his protruding belly. He sloppily wiped his face with his forearm as his beard accumulated scraps of food. He was disgusting. I was then led into the courtyard and saw a group of kids playing with wooden swords. I noticed a lowborn boy running around with the noble children. I immediately felt a connection and my heart grew warm. A maiden appeared carrying a pail of water — she was clearly the help. A feeling came over me and I knew she was me — and the boy was mine.
I looked around and felt a pull inside the castle halls. I entered a grand bedroom and saw the sheets were a mess. As the king appeared with his robe wide open my entire body tightened and the most intense pain took over my jaw. I was hysterical. I always questioned why I felt like I had a trauma happen to me when it hadn’t. My jaw continued to throb as I sobbed and realized he was the father of my boy.
Back in the courtyard a hooded mystical figure was playing the harp. I felt she could help me so I asked, “Please tell me what I should do.” She looked me in the eye and told me to run. “Run as fast as you can and don’t stop.” So I took my boy and we ran through the forest holding hands as he sobbed with fear. I bent down and held his face and told him, “You need to trust mama. No one is going to hurt you. You’re safe now.” So, this is why I’ve always felt the need to go full speed without a stop button and made the connection back to the treadmill.
My kids were 3 and 5 when I quit drinking. I drank myself to sleep so many nights to calm my mind and soothe my sadness. I have relentlessly beaten myself up for the fact that I could have put them in danger. The fact that nothing bad ever happened couldn’t change my self-loathing for wasting so many precious nights with the bottle.
Ultimately, I had a vision. I was holding my son Hudson (who I came to realize was also my son in my past medieval life) as a baby in his old nursery. Every detail was so clear I could even make out the brand on his bottle as I was rocking him while my vodka sat on the nightstand beside me. After some time, my baby looked up at me and said just what I had told him in the forest. “It’s ok, Mama, we’re safe now. You didn’t hurt me. I’m OK, Mama.” As tears streamed down my cheeks, I trembled, feeling every hair on my body stand up, and I saw the vodka disappear. I gently lay my son in his crib and could feel the guilt leave my body.
Throughout the process, any time we came upon a memory or trauma, I was able to ask out loud to have this freed from me. And each time I did I could physically feel it.
In the weeks since my session my brain has been the quietest it has ever been. I have a deep sense of gratitude that I’ve never had before. It helped shift my perspective in life and I feel like it rewired my brain in the best way.
Call it a spiritual awakening. Call it crazy. Call it whatever you like. But I’ll be calling on my unicorn from here on out.
QHHT, or Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique, is a therapeutic process designed to help individuals in their late teens and adulthood seeking deep emotional healing, self-discovery and spiritual growth. It can assist those dealing with trauma, anxiety, chronic pain or unresolved issues by accessing the subconscious mind. Through guided hypnosis, clients can explore past lives, gain insights into their current life challenges and uncover profound wisdom that promotes healing and personal transformation.
Jolie Wilson is a QHHT level 2 practitioner and a BQH Beyond Quantum Healing practitioner. Find her full bio at evolvekeywest.com.
Editor’s note: QHHT is not backed by clinical research. Its healing effects are largely anecdotal and subjective, making it difficult to verify the effectiveness of the technique. While many individuals who undergo QHHT sessions report feelings of peace or personal insight, these experiences are highly subjective.
BY ERIN STOVER
MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES IN THE FLORIDA KEYS
Many people unknowingly neglect their mental health, whether due to apprehension or simply a lack of resources. Mental health is important and you are important. In our area, the following (free) services are available. This list is not exhaustive, but will hopefully point someone toward the help or support they need.
211 MONROE
Call 2-1-1 or 1-855-883-4429 or text your zip code to 898211. Free, confidential referral and information service that connects people to a specialist who will help find local health and human services, 24/7.
ANCHORS AWEIGH, ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
305-296-7888
(Anchors Aweigh)
305-296-8654 (Alcoholics Anonymous, Lower Keys) anchorsaweighclub.com
A local recovery club offering help, support and safety to those struggling with addiction.
CRISIS TEXT LINE
Text “TALK” to 741741 (English), or “4hope” to 741741 (Spanish). Confidential 24/7 line that connects users to a counselor within minutes to help people in crisis. They only contact emergency services as a last resort, in fewer than 1% of conversations.
FLORIDA DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH IN MONROE COUNTY
305-293-7500 monroe.floridahealth.gov or email DOHMonroe@flhealth.gov
Comprehensive services, with links and referrals to trauma-specific treatments.
FLORIDA KEYS
CHILDREN’S SHELTER
305-852-4246, extension 237
Assessment, counseling and intervention for children and families. Voluntary emergency shelter services.
GUIDANCE CARE CENTER
305-434-7660, option 4 for Lower Keys guidancecarecenter.org
Comprehensive behavioral and mental health responses. Offers resources for substance abuse. In-person services and telehealth are available.
KEYS AHEC HEALTH CENTERS
305-743-7111, keysahec.org
Provides free children’s medical care for students in Monroe County.
NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE
Call 800-273-TALK (800-2738255) or text “HOME” to 741741. Provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress; prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones; and best practices for professionals.
SUICIDE HOTLINE
LOWER KEYS
305-434-7660, option 8
Local hotline, operated by the Guidance Care Center. Available 24/7 for on-demand crisis intervention. Also provides on-site support within 60 minutes to those under age 25 experiencing a behavioral health crisis.
Empower your future—protect what matters most. With tailored insurance solutions, we’ve got you covered every step of the way. Because your peace of mind is PRICELESS. — Mary Houston, President & Owner
MIND ALTERING LUBRICANTS FOR SOCIAL INTERCOURSE
DINNER COCKTAILS MUSIC
The things we do
Ah the life of a grown-ass woman. We fought so hard to get to where we are, breaking glass ceilings, but then having to clean up the mess it left (as everyone else just steps around it). It’s what we do. In addition to our full-time career, we all have an unpaid workload that awaits us each evening at home. So let’s give ourselves some credit — and a little leeway — when things go a bit off the rails. In our effort to be helpful here at Keys Weekly, we offer this latest installment of “Things we do… to cope with stress.” We get it. We’ve been there. And you’re not alone.
Write the source of your stress on a piece of paper then light in on fire and watch it burn while slowly sipping your wine.
Plan a vacation and buy a plane ticket. We all need to look forward to something.
HAVE A ROY KENT MOMENT.
Watch a creepy Netflix show about cults — and realize your life isn’t SO bad.
If the Housewives are yelling, they’ll drown out the noise in your head.
SEND INSTAGRAM MEMES TO CO-WORKERS — AND PRAY THE WRONG PEOPLE NEVER SEE THE RECURRING THEME.
Make the husband take the kids for the whole day. Alone time is a healing necessity.
Eat raw cookie dough in your underwear while watching serial killer documentaries.
PUT ON YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST AND RAGE WALK THROUGH THE NEIGHBORHOOD RE-ENACTING IMAGINARY CONVERSATIONS.
Chuck your phone and get out on the water.
HOW STRONG IS THAT GUMMY?
Online shopping at 1 a.m. Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I DO need another faux fur coat in the Florida Keys.
Whether you’re negotiating a contract bet ween t wo companies or dinner time with a pick y eater, being able to stay in the conversation is key to your confidence. If you’re struggling to hear, you’re invited to take control of your health. Call us today to schedule your appointment for a no-risk consultation with Florida’s leading hearing care exper t and discover how power ful clear hearing can be.
