LINDA CARROLL

Linda Carroll on Skills That Make Love Last

Psychotherapist Linda Carroll was drawn into the dynamics of couples’ counseling three decades ago when she saw how in her own marriage, petty disagreements could turn into full-blown arguments with the potential for deep wounds. She and her husband Tim worked on their issues by attending workshops across the country, including Imago therapy and PAIRS (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills), which were so effective that she developed a curriculum called Love Skills by combining those tools, her experience as a married person and counselor, personal training from consciousness pioneers and resources from ancient mythology and spiritual/religious traditions.

She has co-taught the course with her husband for more than 25 years. Her first book, Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Everlasting Love, has been translated into several languages and details stages in romantic relationships. Her new book, Love Skills: The Key to Unlocking Lasting, Wholehearted Love, is a guide to developing a relationship toolkit. What is the Love Cycles model? It is based on the fact that feelings of love are seasonal. Like the seasons of the year, they are a natural progression of a relationship. If you understand the seasons, you by Kajsa Nickels

can pass through them. All relationships are teachers. If we allow them to teach us, we become free to love deeper and better. What is the most difficult Love Cycles stage, and why? Each stage has its own unique challenges. For example, the first stage, the Merge, has a magic to it due to the chemical cocktail that floods your body when in the presence of your significant other. But this stage can be treacherous in that you can mistake your feelings for evidence that this is the “right” person for you. In the Power Struggle stage, feelings will have worn off and power struggles will start to show up. The third stage is Disillusionment. Differences between both of you really start to show up at this time. The fourth stage is the Decision stage. At this point, many couples find themselves wanting out. The key to making it through this stage is to remember that this, too, shall pass and to commit to working it out. It’s important to realize that life is not about getting an A+ at all times. Sometimes, we need to accept that a C- is okay; and if you do need to leave a relationship, it is possible to do it in a wholehearted way at best—at the least, to minimize damage. The fifth stage I call Wholehearted Love, a stage reached only through mindfulness and unconditional love. Because love has changing seasons, a couple will not stop at the fifth stage forever, but getting back to this state will become easier and easier as time goes on.

What was your impetus for writing Love Skills? I have been teaching the program for 25 years and drew from my almost 40 years as a couples therapist, many trainings all over the country and own life experiences in my relationship with my husband to compile the program. Most couples lack the skills to manage the troubles of life. There is a skill to every aspect of a relationship, especially in communication: listening, speaking, knowing when to speak and when to be silent.

Who is most likely to benefit? The relationship you have with yourself is a core part of the Love Cycles model. If you do not have a good relationship with yourself, you cannot have a solid and meaningful relationship with another person. This is a couples’ book, although it can also be gone through by a single person if the partner is not interested in it. What I tell people is that you can only work on your part. If the other person doesn’t want to buy in or isn’t wholeheartedly on board—or at least partially willing—there is nothing that you can do about it. You need to be able to be okay and confident in yourself. You cannot change another person, but you can always change yourself.

What is one of the most important pieces of advice you have for couples? I hope that couples come to realize that feelings of love are like clouds, always changing. A good relationship requires a skill set, which we practice whatever the feelings are. We are not born knowing how to love skillfully, but this skill set can be learned by anyone and will make you able to listen better and appreciate each other more.

Kajsa Nickels is a freelance author who resides in northeastern Pennsylvania. Connect at FidelEterna45@gmail.com.

Seasonal Affective Disorder Overview

by Brenda Wachter, LMSW, ACSW

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that is affected by seasons. There are two types of SAD, one that is very rare, but typically starts in the spring and summer months and subsides in the fall and winter. The more common type tends to come on during fall and winter and subsides in the spring and summer. It typically reoccurs and subsides at the same times every year and is often referred to as the winter blues.

The exact cause of SAD is unknown, however, there are some factors that seem to be correlated. A decrease in sunlight during the winter months may disrupt the Circadian rhythm and cause depression. A decrease in sunlight can cause a decrease in serotonin levels, which can also trigger depression. Melatonin levels in the body may be affected by seasonal changes, which can affect sleep and mood. Low levels of sunlight can also affect vitamin D levels in the body, causing them to drop too low, which is thought to contribute to SAD.

Watch for Symptoms The most common symptoms of winter SAD include feeling depressed most of the day at least five days a week, feeling fatigued and tired, sleeping more than usual, having low motivation, trouble concentrating, agitation, not enjoying activities as one usually would, feelings of hopelessness, feelings of worthlessness, craving carbohydrates and sugars more than usual, withdrawal from others and an increase in appetite. In severe cases a person can experience thoughts of suicide.

Diagnosis and Treatment SAD can be diagnosed by a behavioral health provider, a healthcare provider or with a psychological evaluation. Typically, patients are asked about their symptoms, when they started and if they have occurred at similar times in the past. There are a few different treatments for SAD. Increasing natural light, especially in the morning, has been shown to decrease symptoms. Light therapy lamps can begin reducing symptoms within a few days to a few weeks of use. Mental health professionals can provide education on coping skills and alleviation techniques. It can also be helpful to have vitamin D levels checked and address insufficiencies. Eating whole foods along with many fruits and vegetables, exercising, sleeping enough (7 to 9 hours for most people), staying active and connecting with family and friends can all reduce symptoms or even help prevent symptoms.

Prevention SAD may be prevented by spending time outside in the daylight even if it’s cloudy or overcast. A good goal would be to spend 30 minutes outside five times a week. Eating plenty of fruits and vegetables can help prevent symptoms as well as making sure one’s vitamin D level is in the normal range for age and gender.

Seek Help Don’t wait to get help. It is best to seek treatment as soon as symptoms are noticed. If SAD goes untreated it can get worse and will often affect relationships, work performance or other important aspects of life. It is important to seek help right away if feeling down much of the day most days of the week, or if SAD is inhibiting daily life. Brenda Wachter, LMSW, ACSW is a Behavioral Health Provider at PrivaMD located at 16986 Robbins Rd, Ste 180, Grand Haven, MI 49417. See ad page 16.

Energy & Lights Innovative and Effective Pulsed LED Low-Level Light Therapy Did You Know... Pulsed Low Level LED Light Therapy is a safe, no side effects, drug-free nutrient to assist the body to heal itself naturally? • Assists the body to safely heal itself naturally on a cellular level • Cleared by FDA to Increase circulation & reduce pain/Inflammation • Safe & easy to use • No side effects – Drug-Free • Assists the body in repairing acute/ chronic injuries naturally Mary Wisniewski, Physician Assistant, Professional Certified Light Therapist • energyandlights.com • Call: (616) 264-6556