Killie Hippo Covid 1

KILLIE HIPPO AN UNOFFICIAL KILLIE FANZINE COVID SPECIAL 1

PICK IT OUT!!!

•

CATHY JAMIESON INTERVIEW

•

POST VIRUS RECONSTRUCTION

•

PLANES, TRAINS + FURRY BOOTS £2.00

THE KILLIE HIPPO IS ON SALE AT HOWARD ARMS, GLENCAIRN SQUARE, KILMARNOCK FOG’S SNACK BAR, ANNANDALE IND. ESTATE, KILMARNOCK KA1 2RS KILLIE TRUST DESK (PARK HOTEL FOR HOME GAMES) MATCH DAYS AT RP + AT ALL AWAY GAMES HUGE THANKS TO ALL ADVERTISERS, SUBSCRIBERS, DISTRIBUTORS AND KILLIE FANS FOR THEIR SUPPORT.

All views expressed are those of the contributors.

E-MAIL : Killiehippo@aol.com WRITE : 41D MCLELLAND DRIVE, KILMARNOCK KA1 1SG NO ARTICLES TO BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT PERMISSION BACK ISSUES 2–204 INCLUSIVE AVAILABLE GET IN TOUCH FOR DETAILS

SHOOTING FROM THE HIPPO Hello chums, first and foremost I truly hope you are all keeping safe and well during these unbelievable times. In the grand scale of things football has slipped well down the pecking order of importance however we all need an escape from the depressing daily news reports so we thought we’d throw out a wee fanzine to remind you that the beautiful game will eventually return…..God knows when.

The last time we saw super Killie feels like a hundred years ago when in fact it was only two months. On 7th March we lost at Hamilton and the natives were restless as we were slowly slipping down the table. The following Saturday saw us scheduled to host St Mirren and as usual I was scrambling at the last minute to get a new fanzine out there. It was obvious that football was going to grind to a halt however the government had announced it would be from Monday 16th.

Needless to say I got a full batch printed and withing a matter of hours the beaks announced there would be no more football for now. I still have a box load of issue 204 sitting here……they will be worth literally millions in years to come.

Initially the pundits were telling us we’d be back playing in a few weeks but slowly the seriousness of the situation penetrated the skulls and it is now the case that nobody has any idea when we will next see a ball kicked in earnest. You’ll see an article in this issue looking at the possibility of there being nothing for a year and I’m genuinely concerned that may be the grim reality. Please send me your thoughts on when we will see football again and will there be a totally different football landscape post-covid?

The club have been fairly low key throughout the whole shambolic “vote-gate” and subsequent reconstruction talks however you’ll see an interview in this issue with Cathy Jamieson that gives a bit of insight into Killie’s thoughts. I must admit the club have handled it well unlike Sevco who issue daily statements about absolutely anything…..as long as it deflects away from their real problems. I hear that all face painters in the Govan area are seeking urgent legal advice about getting invoices settled immediately.

I’d like to thank all contributors who have helped make this a cracking issue (even if I say so myself), it’s always better when you don’t have to read more than a few pages of my petty nonsense. I suppose the plus side of all this madness is that we have far more to talk about than third world Whitletts and the paranoid Glesga arse cheeks. This is an ever changing situation so please email us your articles on any issue as we will put out regular “freebie” issues as long as we have plenty of material.

Most importantly this is free for all however we are asking, that if you can afford to, please make a donation and every penny will go to Trust in Killie and subsequently to the club. You’ll see info inside explaining how it works…..stay safe troops.

Sandy

CATHY JAMIESON INTERVIEW I speak to many folk in and around the club and every single one of them has only good things to say about Cathy Jamieson. She has put in a ridiculous amount of hours to try and fix the mess that was inherited from the previous regime and she has proved a tremendous asset as the Killie Trust rep on the board.

We’d like to thank Cathy for taking the time to answer the fan’s questions: If the contract situation means that we have an incomplete squad once the league gets back up and running, would Cathy be willing to pull on the keeper’s jersey for a week or two until things get sorted out?

Thanks for an interesting opening question! I’m usually up for a challenge but that might just be a step too far! Given that I can just about scrape to 5’1 if I stand up straight, the keeper’s jersey is probably not designed for me.

And as I’ve not had the call from Alex or James, I guess I will pass on that one!

What’s happening with contract negotiations?

The Manager and Head of Football are currently working on contracts. They have in mind who they want to keep at the Club, and players they might wish to bring in. As everyone will appreciate, we are not in normal times at present, so we are having to consider what budget might be available throughout the season, based on a range of scenarios, including whether the season kicks off behind closed doors, which would impact on finances.

Alex Dyer was given the job until the "end of the season". Does anyone know when that will be ?

At the time of writing, we have had no confirmation on when the season will formally be brought to a close.

As fans will be aware, Clubs agreed by majority vote to give the power to SPFL to make the decision for the premiership. KFC supported this as we felt it was the best way in the circumstances we are in, to ensure that finds could be distributed to clubs.

Is there any indication about when professional football might resume in Scotland?

What different approaches are being considered to try and make this happen?

Also, when it does resume what is the club’s view on the end of the current season? Do they want the games to be played or the table to be called as it stands?

What are Cathy's views on football potentially returning in September behind closed doors? What contingency plans are the club/SPFL investigating regarding alternative revenue streams (e.g. streaming matches on pay by view basis) to partially mitigate the loss in season ticket and gate income?

Do you think playing games behind closed doors is a viable option until things get back to "normal"?

League reconstruction - what is the club's stance?

It’s probably helpful if I take these questions together as they are perhaps the questions everyone wants an answer to! While I guess we would all want to have seen the season played to a finish, our view is that it is not realistic for this to be done in a reasonable timescale.

Even if lockdown and social distancing was fully lifted this month, it would take a number of weeks to get players back into team training, plus there would be a range of tests required before any matches could take place. It seems more likely that we will see gradual relaxation of restrictions which could delay this further.

For that reason, we took the view that it is better to call time on this season and get preparations under way for next.

Discussions are ongoing around when we can get matches under way again, even if there are restrictions, as is likely, on events involving large gatherings. This includes considering whether it is feasible to play behind closed doors.

Our Head of Marketing and Commercial operations, Gregg McEwan is involved in one of the SPFL working groups which is looking at broadcasting, should closed door games become a reality. I have made the point that whatever is decided, we need to find ways of ensuring fans are catered for, with good quality broadcasts. There is another SPFL working group which is looking at how fans can eventually safely return to stadiums, and what the implications are if some form of social distancing continues for a prolonged period of time.

On reconstruction, there has not been a formal proposal put in front of Clubs at present, but it looks as though it may be a limited set of options rather than a wholescale reconstruction. We will look at the options and consider carefully before making a final decision. We have taken the view that a permanent solution would be preferable to a one season only option, and have broadly supported having more teams in top flight.

As well as thinking about how any reconstruction would affect KFC, we would also be thinking about the wider interests of Scottish football, and how it can be sustained in difficult times. I’m aware that there are different views amongst fans on what size the premiership should be, and that many fans are saying don’t want to see meaningless matches.

Nicola want us to wear face masks on public transport or busy shops, any chance we could produce a "Killie" face mask ?

That suggestion has been made to our commercial team so we will have a look at what is possible if it seems that masks and face coverings are going to be needed for longer term. With the retail operations coming back under the Club from June, it makes it easier for us to have a wider range of official / licensed products which sees income coming back into the club.

A quick ad for the current stock being on sale at reduced prices – online orders are being taken and dispatches done when possible, in line with current restrictions. More info is on the Club website!

Even before the recent tragic circumstances would hoped the club was more ready for next season than it proved we were for this current one...And the directors promised lessons would be learned so can you confirm that as far as possible the club will be better prepared for next season , confirming the Manager position ASAP , agreeing contracts where possible and doing the groundwork to enable us to have as many new players in place for pre season training as possible...(depending on current events whenever that will be.

As you allude to we are having to deal with unprecedented and indeed tragic circumstances. Many of us have personally had family and friends impacted

by Covid -19, and we have sadly seen a number of fans and people close to the Club have their lives taken all too soon. Our condolences go to all those affected.

As fans may be aware, a number of our staff are currently furloughed, which allows us to receive some Govt funding. The Manager, Club Secretary Head of Football, Heads of Marketing and Commercial Operations, Head of Media, essential backroom medical, Academy, stadium and finance staff are continuing to work. This cost is borne in full by the Club. Everyone is very much focussed on being prepared for the range of scenarios which might emerge for short term, as well as longer term. As I mentioned in response to an earlier question, the Manager and head of Football are working on contracts and recruitment.

Also how has current events affected the proposed plans for further development off the pitch at RP ?

As you will appreciate, we are currently in a situation that no-one was anticipating when plans were put in place for the next phase of stadium developments. Our priority at present is to ensure we have a sustainable club for the future, so the focus is on working through the next few months until we hopefully see football returning and an income stream coming back into the Club.

Can you tell us the level of interest in the recently announced statement about buying club shares?

We have seen a good level of interest from Season Ticket holders regarding shares. 70% of the emails sent out were opened by recipients, which is a good sign!

Although its early days, around 250 people have made an enquiry about buying shares. It will take some time to process all the applications so please bear with us as they are worked through.

Favourite manufacturer or the Killie pie?

I’ve been vegan for many years, so I can’t be a judge of a meat pie! But I can say that Brownings vegan sausage rolls are great and their vegan pie gets my vote!

Are the board still looking to bring in a permanent Manager for the new season(whenever that may be)whether it’s Alex Dyer or not ?

Yes – with all the uncertainty around in the wider environment, we want to have stability and focus on the football side.

If and when things are getting back to normality if the club will be looking at an easier method of selling / renewing s/ tickets for Killie fans next season?

There were some teething issues last year and we have to acknowledge that, as there were issues with data transfer from the old system to the new one.

As the season progressed however, the ease of the new system became more apparent and the staff have been working hard to ensure that this year will be much smoother – whenever it happens!

We now have e-ticketing up to 85%, which should make an entire e-renewal process very easy to manage, with relatively few clicks to renew season tickets. Having your season ticket entirely on your phone where possible can also save some costs for the club, if we don’t need to issue the plastic cards. It might seem like a small thing but every little saving helps!

In addition to the release of up to £100k new shares will the club consider other external investments (e.g. new board members) to help alleviate what is going to be a massive impact on our finances and sustainability to operate in the future?

Directors would always be open to external investments, but we would want those to fit with the values and ethos of our Club.

Are there other ways for fans to help the club financially other than Trust in Killie and buying season tickets?

Trust in Killie has been very successful in raising funds, and the Club is grateful for the financial support which saw safe standing put in place, the cheerleaders tracksuits, contribution to the new mascot, camera mast for Academy etc. The Trust’s decision to bring forward funds amounting to £50k and now handing over monthly sums raised via TiK is much appreciated.

So an option is there for fans to contribute regularly or on a one off basis via the Trust if they wish to, and every penny raised via Trust in Killie comes to the Club. Buying season tickets when they do go on sale is helpful and buying official Club merchandise also helps. There is also the opportunity to sponsor players strips, and we are looking at other options for bringing in revenue if we have a protracted period without match day income. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>..

Hippo says – Thanks again for all the information, it just seems so foreign to have openness and transparency coming out the club!!

There are many interesting points in Cathy’s interview but I’d like to concentrate on the financial side of things. I hate being a doom and gloom merchant but I really feel that it could be a very very long time before we see super Killie in action again. You’ll see an article about taking a year’s break and I really worry that football will be self isolating for an extended period.

Make no mistake, club directors all over the country will be sweating like Priti Patel learning the two times table. Quite simply there is no income coming in and if the situation carries on for a few months more I fear we will see clubs going belly up. There is some talk of getting the Scottish Government involved to help the football industry but there is no guarantee that financial help will be forthcoming.

It was my intention to do an “URGENT APPEAL” type article looking at how the fans can help, Cathy touches on it above. We’ll leave it for the next issue but the best way to help is to subscribe to Trust in Killie (https://killietrust.killiefc.com/). If you need more info call Trust chairman Jim Thompson on 0774 8252455….it’s a no brainer.

PLANES, TRAINS AND FURRY BOOTS: KILLIE MEMORIES FROM AN EXILE After years of the Hippo encouraging me to write an article for the Killie Hippo, I finally caved in. So then the big decision on what to write about, but since he only gave me a few days before the editorial deadline I ended up thinking about all the fun, crazy and depressing things that I have done, claimed to have done, have seen, claimed to have seen or been part of, all as a result of our collective addiction to Killie....so here’s a few of the most memorable (given short notice and lack of alcohol).

THE BOYS WENT OVER THE MOUNTAIN....TO SEE PASCALI PLAY...

December 2019. Some may have heard of the time daft Killie fans (Killie daft fans?) that went up into the Dolomites to see Pasca play. Whilst this was the most memorable part of our trip to North Italy (pre Covid thankfully), it was an accidental add on after a Serie C fixture switch resulted in us dumping the Atalanta v Hellas Verona match as our Saturday football distraction in favour of Pro Vercelli’s home match. (Not many people will recognise the name Pro Vercelli but they are sort of the Queens Park of Italian football being one of the most successful teams in the early football era of Italy, with seven national titles (all won between 1908 and 1922) but now spend their time somewhere between Serie B and C.). A great day was had in Vercelli by the FFKSC faithful and thanks go to the various bar men, bar women (special mention to the Fashion Bar), Pro Ultra (special mention to Davide who runs that fine organisation), who all added to the trip.

So what to do with the Sunday slot with the Pro match promoted to Saturday primetime? “Let’s go see Pasca” suggests Graeme! After much debate and clarification that we were not going to his house for a cup of tea but rather up into “the mountains to see Pascali play”, the final leg of our tour was locked in. But where was Breno? Which Breno was the match at? Did we need need tickets?

Pasca was duly contacted and readily forthcoming with the promise of free tickets if we turned up. So train tickets were booked, refreshments purchased and off the boys set off on a 3hr train trip up to Breno; a town that would just nudge over 5,000 inhabitants with the help of 4 Killie fans and 13 travelling Fanfulla Ultras.

It was strange watching Pasca play in black and white. The match kicked off to a chorus of multi-language versions of our favourite regional rival song echoing off the snow covered mountain peaks interspersed with moments of unbridled Pasca appreciation. The big man, playing centre half, was trying hard to encourage the Killie support but tried a bit too hard as he hauled down a Breno forward as he broke into the box after about 20mins.

Breno scored the penalty and held on to their slender 1-0 lead late into the game as thoughts of a Fanfulla comeback started to fade.

The Fanfulla Ultras and Killie support remained vocal, aided by the continued purchase of beer and mulled wine; the boys literally ordered alcohol by the wheelbarrow load. With 5mins to go, Fanfulla were denied a strong penalty claim and members of the unhappy Ultras were only kept off the pitch by the 3m high perimeter fence. In extra time, Fanfulla were awarded a penalty for reasons unbeknown to anyone watching the match.

Their captain (Jonjo Shelvey look-a-like) scored and sent the 17 -strong travelling support into a frenzy. (The referee was showered with gifts and cash donations from the home support as he left the ground. This later turned out to be the reason for the next Breno home match being played behind closed doors, which probably only left about 30 people to find something else to do that day!)

Both sets of fans shared a few beers after the final whistle and all the dramas were forgotten about as we tried to empty the “stadium� bar of beer. A memorable day in the mountains that rivalled pre-season trips to Forres and Fraserburgh for their level of intimacy and access to the pitch and players.

DAY TRIP FROM PERTH Killie v Ayr, League Cup Semi Final. 30,000km round trip. In 72hrs.

Madness?

“HEY, BOYS I SWAPPED MY KILT FOR THIS…., WHAT DO YOU THINK?” The day before the second leg of the Killie v Viking Stavanger European game, we were at their club shop buying some memorabilia. In walks a Killie fan in a pair of jeans proudly proclaiming that last night he had swapped his kilt for the jeans he now had on with a local Norwegian guy – only for his mates to point out that it was a hired kilt!

The Stavanger trip still ranks as my second most favourite Killie trip – nothing could beat Reykjavik. A week long drinking session in Stavanger as a build up to the match. Vague memories of meeting the boys and girls from The Howard and drinking and singing well into the next morning. Enough material for a whole article.

REYKJAVIK What a trip. (Many of the best parts not suitable for print.)

The Dubliner was rapidly established as base camp – even before the charter flight arrived. But after it arrived the place went mental. The TV cameras arrived and the rest is folklore: Killie songs, kilts, bare arses, Bjork look-alike lead singer. Most travelling Killie fans did not get to enjoy the after match fun as the departure of the charter flight left only about 12 Killie fans to hold off the hordes of Icelandic women that invaded the Dubliner to rape and pilage all things Killie that they had been teased with on the 6 o’clock news the day before. What a party!

We befriended Dennis, the owner of the Dubliner, and he came over for the replay and also went with us to Kaiserslautern, where we went in recycle mode – this time it was Ray who owned the Irish Bar there and the tequila was taken with orange and cinnamon.

Took repeat dozes of the Reykjavik medicine twice with Scotland.

TALKING PAGES When Killie drew Glenavon in Europe, we had to figure out how to get there and where to stay. Not so easy pre internet. In those days before we all used the internet there was a thing called Talking Pages.

So I call up Talking Pages to get some ideas on where to stay in Lurgan and the following conversation occurs…

Talking Pager (female): “Hello Talking Pages. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi. I am travelling to a placed called Lurgan…”

Talking Pager (to be read in Irish accent): “Be Jesus. Ah’ll be coming from Lurgan masel. Why wid you be going there?””

Me: “My team, Kilmarnock, are playing Glenavon in a European qualifier.”

Talking Pager: “Oh, you’ll be needing somewhere to stay then.””

Me: “Aye. Any recommendations?”

Talking Pager: “Th’ best place wood be the Grand. But no, you canny be staying there.”

Me: “Why?” Talking Pager: “The RA bombed it last week.”

Me: “Aye. Maybe somewhere else then…”

DRIVING HOME TO ABERDEEN...

1997 Scottish Cup Semi Final Replay. I had the pleasure of driving home to Aberdeen with the travelling Arab support. I had to replace the horn on my car the next day. The queue to get on to the Forth Road Bridge was best as I was wedged in between a couple of Arab supporters buses with no cares about my safety I wound them up for the best part of an hour and then every car with a hint of orange all the way to Dundee.

STIRLING NO MORE As was often the case I decided late on Saturday that I would race down the A90 and see Killie play. This day it was Stirling Albion. I had been there many times before and had a plan in my head of where to park close enough to the ground to sneak in just before kick off. As I walked to the ground I was thinking it was a bit quiet for a Saturday afternoon then I recalled that they were playing at Stenhousemuir whilst their ground was refurbished.

It took me a while to locate Stenhousemuir and get over there. It was now approaching half time. Killie just went down 2-0 as I walked up to the turnstile so I decided to save the few quid and not go in. From memory, Willie Waters pulled one back but we still went down 2-1. So I ended up doing a tour of Scotland for 5 hours and seeing no football.

C’MON THE KILLIE....

I am at the Australian Open Tennis Final: Djokovic v Tsonga. I am texting my mum to tell her I am there and I ask her if it is being shown live. She thinks so. I tell her to turn up the volume and listen just before the next serve. I scream out “C’mon the Killie!”. Yes it is replies Mum!

EXILE MEMORIES...DUBAI 1993-94 STANDING OVATION When working in Dubai and missing the football, a few of us Scots decided to go to watch UAE play Egypt in a midweek international friendly minicompetition. We donned our kilts and drove the 50km up to Sharjah.

We struggled to find somewhere to park and things started to feel like a real football match double parking in a housing scheme.

As we walked to the match we got the feeling there was going to be a decent sized crowd. We paid and walked in. The 20,000 seater stadium was about half full already; all dressed in white dishdashas. We spotted a group of seats over behind the goal and walked round to claim them.

As we walked round, some locals started to applaud us - the only white men and wearing kilts! The applause soon grew to a full stadium standing ovation that continued until we took our seats.

We snuck out just before the end to avoid some traffic (and the applause).

FORFAR 4 EAST FIFE 5 Early on in the same Dubai exile, and in the pre internet years, we realised that whilst Saturday football scores came through ok in the local Sunday newspapers or live on (a patchy) World Service radio, midweek results took a few days. As the 93-94 season started to get going and the number of midweek games picked up, our frustrations grew.

One week, someone decided to call the Daily Record and talk to the Sports Desk, but the security guards pointed out that it was only 5am as in his desperation he had forgotten the 3hr time difference. The guards asked us which match scores we needed and asked us to call back in 10 minutes. When we did call back we were rewarded with the requested set of scores.

This continued for the full season and after a few weeks, the security guards started to produce short match reports with scorers, MOM etc. What joy!

Near the end of that year, the Daily Record / Sunday Mail started to be distributed to Dubai and the Middle East. Was that due to our calls?

Anyways we would take turns to drive a 2hr round trip on a Tuesday lunch to get last weekends Sunday Mail...

(PS- I delayed my flight out to start my work in Dubai by a few weeks so that could take in our first home game in the Premier League...v Dundee. What a beautiful day sitting under the old scoreboards. I also ran a full season score forecast spreadsheet to track our survival battle - it was tense and ebbed and flowed, but survive we did and the rest is history.)

Franco Ferragatta KSC Unofficial Foreign News Correspondent >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A PLEA FOR HELP As stated elsewhere we will keep firing out free online issues as long as we have the material so with all this time on our hands why don’t you put finger to keyboard and send me your thoughts about all things Killie or Scottish football in general.

I’m going to be exploring every possible way that the club can make money and will hopefully speak to the club and the Killie Trust before the next issue. Make no mistake, the most important thing is the survival of the club. I’m going to increase my monthly Trust in Killie donation to reflect what I would normally pay to get to the football. I won’t be any worse off financially and the club will still get my money…..the only difference is I wont see any football!!

Let me hear your thoughts on this and if you have any suggestions as to how the club can raise a substantial and regular income during Covid email me at killiehippo@aol.com

EXPAND THE LEAGUE So lets be clear from the off, my article will be evidentially based. Well it will use as much evidence as the liquidation 2 mob are supposedly sitting on, so most probably an incoherent ramble of sorts. I have to admit that I am a previously published writer, Just Joan counts, aye? So if I go off point and I will, bear with me as my previous experience has surely granted me a bit of literary licence.

So Covid 19, eh? Its quite ironic that the nastiest virus in 100 years looks like saving Squeaky Slippy's job at the field of no grass. However, is it possible that our lovable manager might be in a similar situation. Lets face it, as nice as AD is, results on the whole have been terrible, thank the Lord for Hearts and THE Rangers. I capitalised and underlined ‘The’ for posterity because God knows what they’ll be called next season, The The Rangers maybe?

So its looking likely that Hearts or more to the point, Ann Budge, will have a big say on league reconstruction. Her plan of a 14 team top league with no relegation, reverting to a 12 team league the season after is for the good of all and definitely not a self interest conflict. I’m all for an expanded league, in fact I would prefer three leagues of 16 rather than the current set up, make up the difference with teams promoted from the lower leagues. I would be quite happy with playing each other twice then a split of two mini leagues of eight. Love or loathe the split, it has led to more excitement especially in the lower half of the league. As for the bigoted elephant in the room, invent a Weegie cup for them and offer it to Sky to compensate for one less game in the league under my system. Or go full Weegie and let them bugger off to play each other 38 times a season.

No matter what shape or form next season takes, I’m sure it will be welcomed by us all. For many of us there is no normal without football. As many times as I’ve left Rugby Park and away grounds bitterly disappointed this season, this terrible pandemic has made me realise that disappointment was an experience to savour and it only made beating ‘THE’ Rangers even sweeter. Stay safe MARK R

MCCOOL IS BACK THE GHOST OF FANZINE PAST This is where we find out who scans to the bottom of an article to suss out the author before they actually read it. It's at this point, that the warhorses who remember me from the fanzine's formative days of the early thousands, are likely doing one of two things while they choke on their cornflakes, namely, either moving swiftly to the next page or allowing curiosity to add to the many cats in it's little red book. Could be worse Sandy, I could have hand written it like I used to. Imagine that nowadays, eh?

Truth is, for the last two days since I decided to scribble this offering, I've been as close to conjuring up any material as the powers that be are to finding a vaccine that will allow us all to return to the heady days of ruined Saturday evenings.

Is it me, or does that one nil defeat at Hamilton feel like about six years ago?

It almost triggers anxiety now when I think of the three carriage sardine can on rails I jumped aboard at Hamilton West station in it's aftermath. As our fans - and Celtic's, a few stops later at Bridgeton and Dalmarnock as they piled home from their match with St Mirren - crammed against the doors and windows, largely ignorant of the live danger we were placing ourselves in, the utterly unthinkable nature of that scenario being allowed to play out today is probably the perfect template in summing up how far away we are from a return to football as we know it.

Having been shacked up in Inverness for the last eight and a bit years into the bargain, football has become something of a cold case to me at the moment. Up here, I only have the papers and the internet. That drip-drip of local tittle tattle is long gone for me, but sadly for you lot, my ability for inane rambling isn't.

THAT WAS THE SEASON THAT WASN'T In my time following Kilmarnock, so much has happened it almost seems unreal. There was relegation to the third tier for the first time in our history.

Then there were promotions, first of all back to the First Division and eventually the Premier League. There have been last day Houdini acts, cup wins, European jaunts plus a whole lot more. You could easily encript the banner headline, 'that was the year that was,' under any of these events and wax lyrical until next week on the good and the bad of it all. Because all of it really happened.

Did this season really happen? If a decision is eventually taken to call a premature halt, then in my opinion, it didn't. I'm not sure how anyone can claim we finished eighth, when we didn't 'finish' anywhere. One thing that's far more difficult to dismiss in any sort of nonchalant game's-a-bogey fashion, is Thursday July 18th 2019.

Yes, if my enforced footballing sabbatical has taught me anything, it's that I need to get over Connah's Quay. No seriously, I do!!

We've all done daft things, right? Some of them we laugh at as time evolves, but then there's also that time you were drunkenly sleep walking at a mate's house, only to be awoken with a startle in his parents' bedroom as you were about to piss on the telly. Connah's Quay is my footballing equivalent of the latter. It's not funny, it's not 'one of these things,' it should not have happened, end of story.

The entire experience, for me at any rate, will be forever buried in the dirty little skeletons closet, both in the shape of the tortuous ninety minutes itself and the five ensuing days of aimless wandering around Eastern Europe with three mates, watching a game our team should have been involved in, but wasn't. Damn it, the problems didn't even end there. Oh no. I land back at Inverness Airport only for my suitcase to be lifted by some mystery female, who at least had the decency to leave me an identical one. Shame it was full of women's clothing and to make matters worse, none of it even fitted me!!

Every time I mention Connah's Quay , I swear it's for the last time, but it's next pitiful airing is never far away - a surefire sign of obsession. Off the back of arguably the most enjoyable league season since 1965, as the Steve Clark era reached a sunny and glorious crescendo in the shape of a Europa League clinching victory over Rangers at a packed Rugby Park, it was all just so unexpected and I honestly reckon I'm still in shock to this day. No result has ever affected me like that one did and I very much doubt any in the future ever will.

I firmly believe that had it not been for the atom bomb that episode dropped on the entire club, this season would have been another successful one. The fulcrum in all of what had become a basket case of a season even before the shutdown, is of course, Angelo Allessio. Was the Italian friend or foe? Was he the cause or the victim? This question certainly split the support, if not the dressing room in which the feeling appears to have been pretty unanimous.

I ask myself, did my obvious pain of the above events perhaps even cloud my judgment of the guy? Who knows. Either way, I've fallen out with more than enough people over it and it matters not a jot now. Allessio is gone and with that Connah's Quay debacle hanging over him from so early on in his reign, it was always a question of when rather than if.

Where has it all left us then? Had normal service continued, we'd almost certainly have finished in the bottom six, been only a few defeats away from a possible survival fight and all with an untried manager in the dugout.

Given that the current circumstances are likely to mean very little movement in the months ahead, how we fare in the short to middle term at least, will be determined by how well, or otherwise, the club recovers from Covid 19 in comparison to it's rivals.

In this regard, the fifty grand donation from The Trust and the seemingly positive boardroom feedback, from Cathy Jamieson in particular, is very encouraging to see. On the face of it, Kilmarnock as a club appear to be coping with the restrictions as best it possibly can and that's all anyone can ultimately ask. Could we as fans do even more? How about a fortnightly donation, based on the model that home games would ordinarily come around every other week?

Why not set up a link where fans can donate whatever they can afford.

Whether that's a fiver of fifty quid, it would all count. That's only one suggestion and it would be fantastic if we could all use the various forums open to us to brainstorm more of them into being. There can surely be no better way to recover from this mental three quarters of a season, than by being ready and raring to make the next few memorable for all the right reasons.

THE SPFL (DO I HAVE TO??)

As we all attempt to get accustomed to the country's new lockdown lifestyle, it's worth noting that not everywhere is closed. The Hampden funny farm is still open for business and if the way Rangers, Hearts, Aberdeen, Dundee and more are shamelessly grappling with one another is anything to go by, there aren't even any social distancing measures in place.

So Dundee changed their mind, Rangers have been fumigating the air with smoke and mirrors over 'evidence' they have of corruption and Scottish journalists who might have thought they were getting a holiday with the rest of us, are suddenly filling papers with the usual he-said-she-said playground nonsense. Wonder if the bookies were taking bets on that happening. I mean, how predictable was all of this? As the country pulls together like never before in living memory, Scottish football eats itself from the inside.

What kind of system relegates teams who haven't been relegated, thereby plunging them even further into the financial abyss than the rest of us? Task number one surely has to be finding a way of avoiding this and it's not like there aren't several.

For what it's worth, I'd promote the Championship's top four and revert to a sixteen team league for next season. Filter this system down through the divisions and promote the top two from both the Highland and Lowland Leagues, giving us a total of forty four clubs. Relegate five clubs from each division next season and promote one, allowing the current 12-10-10-10 system, that seems to the preferred option of the TV companies, to come back into play for the start of 2021/22. Bonkers? Of course it is, but in case it's not obvious, we are dealing with a situation that could hardly be more bonkers.

The top flight would play home and away before splitting into two groups of eight, ensuring a thirty seven game total, only one short of the current thirty eight. As well as three old firm encounters, there would be at least two local difficulties ensured in Edinburgh, Dundee, Lanarkshire, the Highlands and Ayrshire. There you have it. A derby just about every week in a dog-eat-dog set up with not a single meaningless game and all of this achieved without relegating anyone this season. Del Boy Trotter could sell that to Sky or BT for a year.

Whatever Doncaster, McLennan and the clubs plan on doing, I'm sure I'm far from alone in wishing they'd get on with it. Football has emerged from two wars, with far less resources at it's disposal than nowadays, and the job of our powerbrokers is to get it through a dose of the flu. Put it like that, and it really shouldn't be beyond them, if indeed our game is as full of the amazing business brains we keep being told it is. In the meantime, maybe in much the same way as we applaud key workers on Thursday nights at eight o'clock, we could take to our gardens at 3PM every Saturday for a minute's profanity in keeping with how they've handled it all so far!! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

This is without doubt my fave fitba pic on t’internet‌.although I know a few dads who would have been wearing boots!!

SELF INTEREST RULES Hello, hello, we are………in lockdown!

“May you live in interesting times” is the oft quoted Chinese curse and it seems that Scottish Football, like the rest of the world, has unfortunately found itself in a very interesting and devastating time indeed. What has been notable about Scottish Football though has been the way we have as a collective managed in this period of worldwide crisis to press, nay smash, the self-destruct button in a spectacular fashion.

Not content with being poorly administrated by Neil Doncaster, akin to a burst tire being inflated with farts, the SPFL has managed to screw up the simplest of voting procedures to help inflame the paranoia and desperation of Rangers, Hearts and Stranraer.

Hearts and Stranraer are fuelled by self-interest and are trying to prevent relegation like a jakey being slung out at the closing of the bar. The bell has tolled, ‘Dignity’ has been played and yours has left, it’s time to go, ……..down. The straw grasping by both clubs is pathetic, transparent and if they weren’t so shite throughout the season they wouldn’t be in this position.

Hearts owner Ann Budge cries sporting integrity, yet you can bet your last pound that she would have voted for the same resolution if her club wasn’t bottom of the league. So, what does she do? She allies with Rangers claiming and I quote “You shouldn’t be awarded a title if you haven’t played 38 games. You shouldn’t be relegated if you haven’t played 38 games. And all sorts of other things in between.”

I’d say you shouldn’t be embarrassing yourself to the whole world 38 games or not but these clubs will keep grasping, keep threatening because money, not football is what they are afraid of losing out on. She does this because the media don’t care about provincial/Non Glaswegian clubs fans moaning but if you can drag one of the twisted sisters into the argument and inflame their lunatic fringe, then now your talking, that equals sales, clicks and Clyde Super Snoreboard ‘soundsh*tes’.

Now to most of the world, except UFC’s Dana White, sport is a secondary concern and most people don’t have the appetite for arguing over the fine details when people are dying. However, for Rangers what’s important, what’s REALLY important is stopping Celtic getting ten in a row. The obsession they have over getting one up on each other is truly remarkable for its excessive pettiness.

Rangers, the moral crusaders of sporting integrity and EBTs, of course are claiming Dundee’s “Yes” vote alarmingly “failed to examine the wider fundamental issues”, which is Govanite mewling for “It’s not fair, it’s a tainted title, it shouldn’t be awarded, it wasn’t mathethingy we couldn’t win it pish, pish and more pish”. Rangers also claim they have evidence of wrongdoing and they just are waiting for the correct time to unleash this lethal payload, which has the rest of the SPFL sneering “We smell shite” as they ask the footballing world to “DM me bae” over their false drama.

Dundee of course are the cause of adding fuel to this nonsense. The opportunistic wee jute-jam-jokers sniffed the chance of league reconstruction and old firm pay day visits, pure and simple. God loves a trier and their gambit may very well pay off with reconstruction now on the agenda to try and end all the drama. However, the twisted sisters will never be happy, they will never reach a consensus unless the season is completed.

So, what does all this mean for Killie? Well if the league is reconstructed we might hopefully go back to playing teams only twice a season with an expanded top division. I say hopefully because the change to four games a season previously was for financial reasons, not for footballing ones and has led to the demise of attendances, interest and competitiveness.

Quite simply Scottish league football has lost its “don’t miss out factor”.

There is no uniqueness to the fixture list, there is only repetitiveness which fans and players alike are tired of.

So out of all this moaning and f**kwittery we may actually get some good reform out of this.

Like most fans, I want to talk about stuff on the pitch. The Old Firm are welcome to their off-the-pitch pish as they always have been, for Killie it’s about the excitement of a new season, new players and hopefully a cup final or two in the years to come……once the next season starts……whenever that will be.

Our club seems to be handling itself with dignity and trying to treat the staff and us as fans with respect and transparency in these awful times and I suppose that’s all we can ask for. I can’t see games restarting with fans being allowed to be in attendance until a vaccine is found and when that will be is for others more knowledgeable to speculate upon. The Tory government seems to have made an arse of this situation and this backs up my belief that the only excuse you have for voting for the Tories in an election is if you genuinely and I mean genuinely think it’s how you renew your Rangers season ticket.

All I know is I miss my football but it’s not a matter of life and death as Shankly was quoted as saying, the safety of us all, I assure you, is much more serious than that. We will be back, football will return and when it does we will remember those we have lost with dignity and we will celebrate life all the more for surviving this.

Chrissy R >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT PLEASE MAKE A DONATION AND ALL MONIES WILL GO TO TRUST IN KILLIE. THE NORMAL COST IS £2 BUT FEEL FREE TO DONATE WHATEVER YOU CAN. BANK DETAILS ARE: SORT CODE – 074456 ACCOUNT - 46480868

WILL WE TAKE A YEAR OUT? Covid19 is acknowledged by all as a human tragedy and a financial catastrophe but it is only now apparent that Scottish football is going to be one of the worst affected sectors of the Scottish economy.

It is also worth re-stating that it was @scotgov that brought spectator sport to a close and it will be @scotgov that will decide when it will recommence. It will not be @spfl or any other football authority.

A full two months have passed since football stopped and already it’s had a disastrous effect on clubs’ finances. It has pushed many to the brink of insolvency and necessitated a special resolution to prematurely end league competitions and distribute funds to clubs, all within the parameters of existing permissions. The resolution was passed by an overwhelming majority of clubs but with understandable complaints from casualties of the collective resolve and in Rangers’ case, from ill will.

It had been hoped the collective focus would now shift to addressing the ‘nil revenue’ scenario facing all clubs but instead we’ve had inane chatter of skullduggery and now a fatuous EGM that attempts to maintain the fiction. All a waste of time and energy when the collective focus should be on survival. We’ve also managed to create a reconstruction group with fifteen members (now fourteen) whose clubs may not be around to participate in any structure they fail to agree on. More fiddling whilst the game burns.

The only real issue facing Scottish football clubs is how can they survive a prolonged absence of match day revenues whilst maintaining multi year football overheads. It is also relevant that football debt and contractual obligations cannot be absolved via an insolvency experience. They will continue to exist unless the club is liquidated and ceases to be an SPFL member. Perhaps, the rules have to change.

If clubs are to survive in this environment they will first need to take a view on when @scotgov will permit spectator sport to recommence. It would seem sensible to adopt a ‘worst case’ scenario and assume a resumption will not be permitted in the absence of a vaccine.

Given most responsible commentators are of the view there is unlikely to be a vaccine available within the next twelve months, it naturally follows there would be no opportunity to complete the current season or indeed, a normal football calendar in season 2020/21. This would be financially intolerable for almost all clubs in the top two divisions. The clubs in these divisions all have multi year contracts which they would be unable to honour even with players’ consents to reduced terms.

The fall back position talked about is of playing matches behind closed doors in order to protect and maintain broadcast revenues, This does not stand up to scrutiny and crucially, does not appear to have the support of @scotgov. It would not be possible to retain all personnel required to stage a professional sports event in a sustained virus free vacuum, to ensure the risk or to maintain a level playing field. It also assumes players would be prepared to work in such an environment.

Football clubs and organisations are not exempt from the mental and financial stress experienced by business and the public at large as a consequence of the virus and it is looking increasingly likely the most realistic option would be cancel League season 2020/21 before it starts and to defer and attempt to extend all contracts by a season or year, as the subsequent outcome dictates. In summary, no football for a year.

It can already be argued that clubs are misleading supporters by soliciting for season ticket monies for a football season that is unlikely to take place. It may well be that many supporters will still want to support their clubs in such dire circumstances but there will also be a number who will not or cannot afford to.

Clubs will have to adopt a position in respect of refunds or credits for fans who bought tickets for the current season. Small print may be important.

Clubs with no money or no access to money are particularly vulnerable to an insolvency event and if it is not possible to agree cuts or deferments in respect of all football obligations, an insolvency event would be almost inevitable. As such, @spfl should consider reducing or removing its points deduction penalty and removing the preferred status of club financial obligations to players.

Finally, it has to be re-stated that all clubs need a league to play in and it is SPFL that has to be supported. This is about the only thing that all member clubs would likely agree on. An alternative would be to form a fifteen person task force to rearrange those deckchairs.

HIPPO SAYS – Thanks to David Low for writing an article that echos my own thoughts. You can follow David on Twitter @Heavidor

POST VIRUS SCUMERSET

Covid 19 has not been kind to the ground that time forgot and at a recent SPFL meeting the scum chairman was alone in voting for ground reconstruction before league reconstruction.

We couldn’t find a recent photo so the one above is taken on a final day decider when our twelve fingered chums faced Maybole in a play off to decide who was the best team that Talbot had gubbed that season……Maybole edged it 5-1.

IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT PLEASE MAKE A DONATION AND ALL MONIES WILL GO TO TRUST IN KILLIE. THE NORMAL COST IS £2 BUT FEEL FREE TO DONATE WHATEVER YOU CAN. BANK DETAILS ARE: SORT CODE – 074456 ACCOUNT - 46480868