KILLIE HIPPO AN UNOFFICIAL KILLIE FANZINE OCTOBER 2020
WHEN WILL WE GET BACK? • VIEW FROM THE DIRECTOR’S BOX • SHOULD GOVERNMENT HELP FOOTBALL? • HIPPO BEATS THE BOOKIES
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SHOOTING FROM THE HIPPO During these times of no pubs, no Indian buffet nights and no East stand on a Saturday afternoon I think I would be well within my rights to take an extended sickie from work due to fat lad stress. It seems that the government are using Covid as an excuse to stop all fun in our lives at present and I may stage a one man sit in at Holyrood armed with a case of Tennents, a Lamb bhoona and my Killie season ticket and refuse to budge until all three are reinstated. There is one consolation in the midst of all this misery and that is the great wee run of form that we find ourselves in. Outwith our couple of disappointing 3-0 defeats to covid we have been excellent and yesterday’s win at Livingston demonstrated a belief and togetherness that will stand us in good stead during some tricky fixtures in the coming weeks. I hate to say it but we are showing some of the qualities that took us to the dizzy heights of third under SSC. Firstly I’m delighted for the manager and we are starting to get the results that our play has deserved. In the editorial in the last issue we refused to jump on the “panic wagon” and stated the upcoming fixtures were ones where we could grab some much needed points. That’s exactly how it has panned out and at the time of writing we sit in 5th and a win over Hibs next Saturday would see us sitting pretty in the top six. I genuinely feel we were unlucky in the opening month and we could easily be sitting with another 5 or 6 points at this stage. You’ll see in our “beat the bookies” article that we tip Killie at 6/4 to finish in the top 6, if you fancy a wee bet get on now before the price vanishes. Looking at our strengths that have got is into the top six I’d say there are two areas where we have improved since the first few fixtures. Things have settled down defensively and we have cut out the individual errors that were so harshly punished in the opening month. The keeper appears to have settled down and it was good to see Dikamona come in and put in a decent shift in the absence of Findlay. We have options at both full back positions so hopefully we are well covered as long as we avoid a bad run of injuries. The main area for me is midfield where the trio of Power, Dicker and Tshibola are pretty much a match for anyone. Tshibola has been outstanding on his return and he has been a great addition, we have Mulumbu coming back to fitness too so it will be a pleasant headache for AD to have when coming to pick starting 11’s in the next few weeks. Of course I have to mention that Burkey is basically involved in every goal we score but everybody kind of expects that now….we are lucky to have him. I hope you are all managing to avoid the second wave of Covid as Ayrshire seems harder hit this time around. Stay safe and thanks again for all the articles….keep them coming Sandy
A View From The Director’s Box It’s been a season like no other and I don’t mean because sour faced Morelos hasn’t been sent off yet (at the time of writing at least). The last time I saw a coupon like that it won the 1975 World Gurning championship. No I mean it’s been weird in a totally unreal sort of way, perhaps something we will never experience again….at least I hope not. There has been quite a lot of over optimistic predictions from the likes of Neil Lennon about fans getting into grounds in the near future. I’m writing this as numbers are rising once again and harsher restrictions are anticipated so as much as I’d love to see grounds getting filled again I simply don’t see it happening anytime soon. The beaks, after getting the nod from the Scottish government allowed limited numbers into a couple of games on 12 September including Killie’s game against the sheep at Pittodrie. Numbers were limited to 300 and if I’m being honest it looked like a waste of time although the sweetie rustling mutton munchers would maybe say different. Pittodrie is a terrible place for atmosphere at the best of times as most folk are turning blue from the North Sea monsoons so there was absolutely no difference in crowd noise apart from the noisy Killie fans. From a personal viewpoint a Saturday is the full day experience all arranged around the Killie game so it’s not just missing the 90 minutes action live, it’s a whole social habit. Meeting pre match for a few beers or in my case selling Hippos and having a laugh with the fans followed by 90 minutes of praying for a Killie win to ensure you have an enjoyable week at work ending with a couple of gallons of post match beer (ok 4 pints these days) and bouncing home with a skelping hot curry. That’s the routine that I’ve loved for decades now and all of that is taken away simply because I can’t meet my chums and go to watch the game.
It looks like the limited numbers experiment has been binned for now so there is no way to get into RP to see super Killie….or is there?? I remember a wee wide Celtic fan telling me a dastardly plan and I thought our home game v Hamilton was the time to execute the plan. All I needed was a pair of black trousers, white shirt, black waistcoat and a bowtie……oh and a silver tray with garlic bread.
I casually wandered over from the direction of the hotel (see pic above), gave a knowing nod to the “couldn’t be arsed” steward and in a flash I was within the corridors of pies. That’s how easy it is and I’d expect to see a healthy crowd in the car park at 2.30pm before our next home game. Alternately you might get a very welcome invite from Cathy Jamieson that will allow you in without dressing up like a two ton penguin!!
I took up Cathy’s very kind invite and I was thinking it will be my first time in the directors box rather than standing in the old enclosure hurling abuse at the suits back in the day. I arrived at 2.00pm and was the first person there…..so I just emptied the beer fridge. No, the girls were exceptionally friendly and helpful and within a few minutes Peter and Alistair from Urquharts arrived and I had a couple of friendly faces to chat with. The club have made the hospitality area less “stuffy” and it’s pleasant wee place to have a beer before the game……not that I’ll ever see it again. The Hamilton contingent arrived and some pleasantries were exchanged but all in all it was a very low key pre-match build up….. I did thing about ripping my shirt off and jumping on the table to sing “Mulumbu in the middle” but I’m afraid there is no chance of me getting up on to a table these days. A couple of bottles of Peroni had got me in the mood for the game and by the time Monty announced the teams were taking the pitch I was buzzing for three points. The match experience is very very strange whether it’s in the directors box or whether I had been in my usual couch in the East stand. On a positive note the flags behind each goal were looking fantastic and we’ll need to come up with an innovative way of keeping them on show when “normality” returns. Killie started the game well and deservedly took the lead with a quality finish from Kiltie after superb build up play by Burkey. We dipped the pace and Hamilton equalised from a corner before Brophy was red carded and my mood had taken a severe downward turn. The half time pie and coffee was welcome and thankfully the team came out in the second half and showed real character and belief. Kabamba grabbed a deserved winner and there is a real opportunity for us to build on the win in the following weeks. The lack of fans lets you hear how the benches motivate their troops. Rice was pretty basic though complimentary in his post match comments. Millen was roaring for most of the game while AD has a more measured approach and is selective with his shouts. All in all it was a great experience because Killie won but football really is nothing without fans and the sooner we all get back the better.
SHOULD THE GOVERNMENT HELP SCOTTISH FOOTBALL? (writes Stuart Cosgrove) I LOVE football ‌ or more accurately, I used to love football. It was once one of the enduring attachments of my life, a passion that I thought could never weaken and never wane. As a child growing up, I lived in a bedroom known to the family as the fridge. It faced out to the Grampians and a lacerating wind blew down from the Highlands, bringing extremes of cold weather even in the late summer. My bedroom had one redeeming feature: it looked down on the marshalling yards, to the north of Perth railway station, where goods trains and replacement passenger coaches were shunted and parked. The marshalling yards had industrial lights and they shone on seemingly endless night shifts and when they merged with the floodlights of St Johnstone’s old Murton Park stadium on a Wednesday night, it was as if a carpet of shimmering light covered the horizon. Such was the luminance that you could read a book long into the night under the escaped light of the marshalling yards. Even when St Johnstone moved their ground to the all-seater stadium at McDiarmid Park, on farmlands where I used to raid orchards and steal hardened unripe plums, I could still see the new ground from my bedroom window. It was as if this local football team was part of my life, and so it remained. But something strange has happened in the past 10 years to partially erase those fond memories, as if sandpaper has coarsely rubbed away what was once magical about football. I still have deep loyalties to both my club and to Scotland, whose adventures I cling to in the often-forlorn hope that we emerge from the torpor of the past 20 years.
Those long-held loyalties remain, but something has happened to football and I struggle to feel the affinity for the game that once coursed through my veins. Last week, a row broke out among supporters, which only served to exaggerate my feelings of detachment. It was an almighty howl from the terraces demanding that the Scottish Government intervene to save football from financial ruin in the face of the pandemic. I found myself sitting on my hands unable to join the throng and unwilling to abandon intellect in the upsurge of raw emotions. The dispute was about whether emergency funding should be made available to save clubs from extinction. It was a well intentioned debate but, like so much of modern football discourse, it was quickly strangled by club affiliation, by overemotionalism and by the monomania that seems to grip some fans when football comes under scrutiny. The BBC Scotland sports journalist Tom English, currently a magnet for passing vitriol online, wrote last week: “If there is to be a Scottish Government financial ‘intervention’ into football then identify the clubs/grassroots most in peril and prioritise. Clubs currently recruiting players at the top end shouldn’t be all that high on any crisis list despite the public campaigning.” For me it was a statement of the bleeding obvious, but it attracted reams of counterarguments, almost all of them loaded with bias and affiliation. Scottish football is a woeful candidate for support from the public purse. For more than 20 years, I have argued that the cost-base of football is dreamily high and that successive clubs – including Gretna, Dundee, Livingston, Motherwell, Hearts and Rangers – have all financially imploded, laid low by some combination of fantasy economics, nefarious leadership and callous disregard for company law. Why any government would see this sector of industry as a deserving case baffles me. Many argue that football is suffering because fans are currently not allowed to attend, and a vital source of income has evaporated. This is in part true, but it is a challenge shared by theatre, comedy, nightclubs and festivals, all of which can put forward a case that they face harsh times.
Unlike football, the live events industries cannot rely on television revenues. While fans cannot go to games the media can, and top-flight Scottish football brings in guaranteed income from television deals. Smaller clubs in the top flight will argue that television revenues are skewed towards Celtic and Rangers, but that was not a decision taken by the Scottish Government; it was a by-product of the league itself and the lopsided power that has accrued to the top two clubs and that other clubs have tolerated for their own ends. FOOTBALL has changed. There was once a time when clubs had enough players to see out a season. Now managers talk about their squad-size, their “strength in depth” and the layers of talent emerging from sizeable youth academies. Then there are new innovations, data-science, dieticians, specialist coaches and regiments of physiotherapists. I cannot think of another industry that has allowed its cost-base to balloon quite like football. But try to question the wisdom of some of this and you are met by the chumocracy, a battalion of former players that have colonised coaching, management and increasingly the media. They are a generation that knows how to spend but cannot calculate.Even at the hight of the pandemic some clubs have persisted with spending on first-team signings while planning redundancies elsewhere in the business. It is not a good look in these troubled times. Last week a new book was published, and it reminded me of what once ignited my love of football. Snapshot is a wonderful celebration of the heartlands of Scottish football. Written by Daniel Gray, with stunning photography by Alan McCredie, the book celebrates a “different kind of beauty” to be found in lower leagues, in amateur football and among community clubs across the land. This is a world far removed from the upper echelons of the game, a place where roofs leak, social clubs cling on and first-team players know the fans by name. It is a sector of football easily mocked and frequently sneered at, but one that is much worthier of a handout than any Premiership club. One image grabbed my imagination. It is a photograph of overgrown terracing at Glasgow’s Tinto Park, once home to Benburb FC.
It shows a section of the ground behind a goal which has become encompassed by prairie, as if the football ground is being reclaimed by nature and by history as it recedes into fading memory. The book helped me understand something about my own dilemma. For years I have wrongly described myself as a football fan, but the pandemic has seriously challenged that once-settled presumption. I have no contract to watch games on pay television. I am in no rush to see fans back at games, even though their presence has been shown to be vital. And I have no desire to see precious public money made available to football on the spurious basis that it is somehow superior to other forms of public entertainment. Snapshot helped me understand that since childhood I have been a fan of communities and that my dedication to my club and country are in fact not about football in any intrinsic way, but a hard-wired connection to places I grew up and with people I know. When I take my seat at the back of the McDiarmid Park stand, I pass a season-ticket holder who nursed my mother in her dying days. I have an irreducible fondness for where I grew up and, for its unfashionable limitations. Most of all I respect the start in life it gave me. I love Scotland and feel excited about the next chapter in our story, too. All these things are rooted in community and in shared experience. Football can harvest those feelings, but only if it remains relevant to and rooted in communities. To cling on to what I love I am willing to strike a deal with football, but I remain sceptical about how the game is run and the Faustian pact it has struck with television, with globalisation and with unrealistic spending.Football in our top league has made an extremely poor case for public bail-outs in recent years and the game needs to finally understand that it must save itself. Hippo says – A thought provoking piece by Off the Ball stalwart Stuart Cosgrove
and I find myself agreeing with some parts and disagreeing with others. Killie are like St Johnstone in that we are rooted in the community, that is why a strong Trust movement is vital to a club like ours. I do think that football generates huge income for the country so I don’t agree that help from the government is not justified…..we’ll agree to disagree.
WHAT CAN KILLIE FANS DO TO HELP? Scottish football clubs are being pushed to ‘brink of insolvency’ by coronavirus crisis despite good management and prior health according to a new report by Begbies Traynor. The report says that Scottish football club finances had gained unprecedented stability by the end of March this year, with none of the 42 professional clubs in Scotland showing symptoms of severe financial distress for the second year. However the impact of the coronavirus pandemic and the social distancing regulations that have caused all games to be suspended since mid-March look set to have far-reaching financial consequences. Without muchneeded matchday revenues, or Government support in the event that the isolation measures are extended into the 2020/2021 season, it is believed that the majority of clubs in Scotland could face financial peril. Ken Pattullo, who heads Begbies Traynor in Scotland said “There are real concerns that cash-strapped clubs may be pushed to the brink of insolvency.” “Finances are already stretched and every match that isn’t played means income from matchday ticket sales and hospitality is lost. With several matches that were still left to play across all Scottish leagues, that represents hundreds of thousands of pounds of lost income, which clubs operating on small budgets can ill afford to lose.” “Some clarity from the Scottish Government would be helpful now because, while in England the Premier League is in discussions about Project Restart, to resume playing televised matches behind closed doors, Scotland’s top-tier clubs seem to be nowhere near having a road map towards the resumption of any form of play, and meanwhile they remain in financially-corrosive limbo.”
Scotland’s First Minster, Nicola Sturgeon, has said that coronavirus restrictions meant that Scottish football should not expect to be playing matches in front of fans “any time soon” and that games held behind closed doors would need to be “very carefully considered”. Pattullo continued: “Our Scottish Premiership clubs are the most reliant on ticket sales of all the top-flight European clubs, which also makes them extremely vulnerable to escalating financial problems, especially if it is decreed that the remainder of the season is to be played, behind closed doors. It also means they lack the financial clout of the English Premier League, and the cost to clubs of completing the outstanding games, when they have little or no income, could be devastating.” “It’s the mid-size clubs without wealthy backers or lucrative television or sponsorship deals that are in the most perilous position. Unfortunately, the double whammy of significant wage bills and sizeable fan bases that make them heavily reliant on match-day gate receipts could prove fatal in this unprecedented situation.” “While I don’t believe we are looking at a doomsday scenario and most Scottish clubs will survive, I’m afraid that some insolvencies are probably inevitable among the hardest hit clubs.” The above financial report was written a few months ago however the points are probably more valid now as Covid drags on and on. I’m no financial genius but the above article paints a pretty clear picture that football clubs are going to struggle and with no ending in sight and no fans coming through the gates there is a genuine fear that some clubs may not last it out. As far as Killie are concerned we are probably in a more stable position than many of our competitors but we will be under pressure like everyone else. Our board are not the type to come out with the begging bowl however if Killie fans want new contracts for the likes of Kiltie, Tshibola and Kabamba so we’ll maybe need to do our bit financially to help to make it happen. We threw out a question on social media recently to see if Killie fans would be willing to help and we received positive feedback and a number of suggestions as to how it could be done. We’ll be doing some digging around so look out for a fuller article in the next issue.
R.I.P. KENNY MCLAUGHLIN Listen to they birds singing. Is that no magic? No matter what’s going they just keep singing” A pearl of wisdom from life long Killie fan Kenny McLaughlin, delivered as we were sitting in Kara and Kevin Scoular’s sun soaked garden before Steve Clarke’s last game vs Rangers - May 2019. Feels like a hell of a lot has happened since that day doesn’t it? I find it quite comforting in this mad, messed up world that they wee birds never stop singing. They don’t care about pandemics or politics or how Killie are doing. They just sing. And they’ll never stop. Kenny bought me the very first issue of this very fanzine and continued to buy me it for many years. So I thought it fitting to pay tribute to him on these pages. He liked the Hippo because it was full of opinion not just reports. Kenny was never short of an opinion himself. His opinion was that “rap is crap” much preferring his beloved Beatles. His opinion was that Celtic midfielder Stillian Petrov was “a diving bastard” which he happily told the Bulgarian as he boarded the Celtic team bus after a dodgy penalty decision at Rugby Park. His opinion was that a tie should always be done in a Windsor knot because it “looked classy”. Kenny loved his boys and his grandweans. He loved the Burns Inn. He loved the country and western weekend in Millport. He loved a bet and a beer and he loved his pals, of which there are just too many to mention. He loved Kilmarnock FC and was one of they lucky guys who watched us win the league, the Scottish cup and the league cup. Our own treble. Kenny lived his life to the max. That’s all any of us can really hope for. They called him Peter Pan. He was brilliant company and a really good guy. Opinionated, decent and humble. I, like so many others, will truly miss him. As I write I take comfort in those wee birds singing. I can hear them now. I’m sure that’s a Beatles tune they are doing for the great man. Rest well Kenny. Thanks for everything. Paul Montgomery
BEAT THE BOOKIES For all you long suffering Hippo readers you’ll know we make a vain attempt every year to predict the league winners in Scotland and England with a view to emptying the bookies satchels. In reality we haven’t tipped a winner since Shergar was in his heyday however our correct score double two weeks ago (Man Utd 1 – 6 Spurs + Villa 7 – 2 Liverpool) hint at better days ahead!! In all seriousness this may be the hardest year to make predictions ever if results like the two above are anything to go by. It’s hard to ignore the possibility that a lack of fans causes a different mindset for the players on the field and we will end up with a season full of mental results. When Leicester won the English Premiership back in 2016 everyone said it was a one in a million but if the miracle is to be repeated it may well be during these mad Covid influenced times. Having said that I won’t be making any 5000/1 tips although I do hope West Ham can match the achievement of their fox loving rivals. We will take the “fan factor” into account but there is far less chance of it having a miraculous impact up in Scotland. I’m writing this on the day of the first bigot derby and the only impact will be no pub violence but sadly much more domestic issues. I loved how Sturgeon was urging Sky to make the bigot fest free to view for all. There will always be big fan gatherings, they will just all be in houses this time around and sadly the virus will continue to rise. The problems that we have seen recently at Killie will be replicated throughout the football world until such times as we have a vaccine or at least have covid under control. It seems Doncaster and his fellow dafties would much rather look at how they can punish member clubs gather than work together to help them through these unique times. As long as that is the case we are going to see clubs having to field untried youths like we did v the Pars. Anyway I digress, lets get on with some God awful tipping:
SCOTTISH PREMIERSHIP Sadly all we are going to have to listen to all season is the media rattling on about whether Celtic will get 10 in a row. They probably will but I sincerely don’t want to waste any time talking about the two arse cheeks who continuously try to outdo each other in shaming Scottish football. If we ignore the winner market there is possible value to be had elsewhere e.g. if you fancy Killie for a top three finish you can treat yourself to 28/1. Aberdeen are 4/5 but there is no value in that so we’ll give that market a swerve as well. You can bet teams to follow in the bottom two with the usual suspects like Hamilton and St Mirren being short odds to be in the basement. In the past we have regularly tipped Hamilton to finish bottom. Sadly they have often made us look stupid (that wouldn’t be difficult) so we are steering away from making that mistake again…..although I really really hope that they finally finish last. Anyway I’m a bit optimistic just now and there is a market for team to finish in the top six. I’m of the opinion we have done ok this season and should have more points than we currently have. Killie are 6/4 to finish in the top half so that is my heart ruling head tip for the season. HIPPO TIP – KILLIE TO FINISH TOP 6 6/4 SCOTTISH CHAMPIONSHIP The horrible jambos have a wage budget miles better than anyone else in the league therefore, as Kevin Keegan would say, I’d LOVE if the paranoid mob were to make a complete mess of things. They just beat Dundee 6 – 2 in their opening match so the current odds of anything between 1/4 and 1/6 are less than attractive. The bookies give less markets on the lower leagues so all we can do is find someone to finish top two where you get a quarter of the odds. Dundee are no value at 8/1 so we’ll try the Pars in the hope they improve. HIPPO TIP – DUNFERMLINE TOP TWO @ 20/1
SCOTTISH LEAGUE ONE This league is a bit more interesting than normal with the Killie hating Jags plunging into the third tier….how sad!! I’m no expert in the lower leagues but the fly in the ointment is Cove Rangers. The “wee Aberdeen” have had a bit of investment put in over the last few years and are one of those teams that some folk expect to move up through the leagues. After just one league game the betting has Thistle at 6/4, Falkirk at 8/5 and Cove at 3/1. It’s about 12/1 Airdrie and bigger the rest so you can take it as read that one of the top three are going to win the shortened 27 game shoot out. It was nice to see Clyde beat Thistle in the opening game and it was even better that the only goal was scored by good Killie lad Ally Love…..I owe my old next door neighbour a beer. Falkirk are still on a high after their stunning 3-0 cup victory over Killie…..we all know that if we ever play them again in a meaningful game that Killie win, they must truly hate us. The Bairns got off to a winning start and it’s all the more important to get a good start this season with a quarter of the games wiped out. That leaves Cove who also won their opener and could well just walk over them all but I don’t know enough about them. I can’t tip a team manager about Ian McCall and I know SFA about Cove so Falkirk are lumbered with my tip. HIPPO TIP – FALKIRK TO WIN LEAGUE AT 8/5 SCOTTISH LEAGUE TWO I know even less about this league so I’m winging it as usual…..why change a lifetime habit now It’s quite interesting all the same because Queens Park have splashed the cash after ditching their amateur status. They are ridiculously short at 1/2 but their budget will eclipse their rivals and they should walk it I don’t like tipping odds on shots all the same so lets take a chance on one of our plastic pitch brothers, Stenhousemuir at 7/1. HIPPO TIP – STENHOUSEMUIR TO WIN LEAGUE AT 7/1
ENGLISH PREMIERSHIP An interesting start to the season so far in the league of obscene wages, at the time of writing Villa are the form team and look a certainty!! Some of the results have been absolutely mental and I really wouldn’t be surprised if we get another surprise even if that just means an unlikely team finishing in the top four. Liverpool were tremendous last season but have been chucking in goals this season so far although a good few of their rivals are guilty of the same crime. Even with all the fancied sides showing a weakness, mainly in defence, it is still a two horse race according to the cream cookies.Man City are faves at 4/5 whilst the reigning champions are a fairly tasty looking 5/2. After that it’s 12/1 Spurs, 16/1 Chelsea or my Harlow chums can get 500/1 about their beloved West Ham. The bookies have plenty of different markets and the value is maybe there rather than the outright winner. The top scorer betting is always good to follow, Salah is fave at 7/2 with Harry Kane at 4/1. I never bet these tips normally but I am tempted to have a nibble on Kane, he seems in good form and with Bale coming in I fancy Spurs will score plenty of goals. There is also a market for who will finish bottom and I have to say I think Fulham will be goners even this early. They have made a couple of late signings but they appear to be a team with very few goals. They are 5/4 to go down and that would be my main bet. HIPPO TIP – Wee treble, Liverpool to win at 5/2, Kane top scorer at 4/1 and Fulham to finish bottom at 5/4……..easy money!! ENGLISH CHAMPIONSHIP As we say every single year, to the point of abject boredom, this is the most competitive league of all and is the hardest to predict. You have many teams who have tasted the Premier League experience and want back there in a hurry. The records will show that it is not easy to bounce back in the first season down so the likes of Norwich at 8/1 or Watford at 9/2 do not represent value although they may be thereabouts.
We normally look for something at a bit of a price and there are plenty of options out there. Swansea at 20/1, Cardiff at 25/1 and Preston at 33/1 are all teams that will attract some each way interest as they often are around the play off places. My suggestion this year is Middlesboro at 33/1 (bet them each way). Neil Warnock has a fantastic record at getting teams out this league even if he is an obnoxious fud. He took over Boro at the back end of last season and I’m sure he will induce a bit of improvement…..hopefully all the way into the top three. HIPPO TIP – MIDDLEBORO EACH WAY AT 33/1 ENGLISH LEAGUE ONE Dear old Rochdale have made a bad start and I have a genuine fear that my English team may slip back into the fourth tier this time around. There are some big players down in this division with the likes of Ipswich and Sunderland trying to revive fortunes of yesteryear. The black cats are faves at 3/1 with Ipswich at 5/1 then Hull and Peterborough at around 7/1. Hull have had a rapid drop from the Premiership and are relying on Josh Magennis to bag the goals to take them back up. Sunderland will have the biggest budget and could be bet at 3/1 but they have flattered to deceive in recent seasons. Ipswich have remained loyal to Paul Lambert and they have made a decent start to the campaign but we are going to suggest Peterborough. They generally score goals and have spent a bit of time in the Championship recently so know what it takes to go up. HIPPO TIP – PETERBOROUGH AT 7/1 ENGLISH LEAGUE TWO Another league where we are winging it so don’t expect a great deal of in depth analysis!! Cheltenham and big spending Salford are joint faves at 13/2 but we’ll take a chance on Port Vale. They normally ply their trade a league higher and may be a bit of value at 12/1. HIPPO TIP – PORT VALE EACH WAY AT 12/1
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CAN YOU FEEL THE KILLIE LOVE?
An awkward moment at the Spaghetti-had moments after manager and player mistake sanitising hand gel for superglue. The boss has his mitt stuck on the Power’s dodgy ginger wig whilst AP is a little embarrassed as he realises the boss wears clip on ties. All’s well that ends well however and Gary Holt got his hairpiece handed back along with his arse on a plate!
MEMORIES OF 1989 – FIRHILL FOR CHILLS (Writes Stuart Hood) Enjoyed the latest hippo addition. Thought you might like my tail of that day in May 89 and another tale which you can feel free to use if you wish. I was about to sit final exams at Glasgow Uni and didn’t have the time or nerve to go to Dumfries instead of last minute swotting. Either that or I feared the ultimate outcome which ensued. Living in the west end of Glasgow, I took a Rangers sympathising pal and a wee transistor radio to Firhill for the Clyde v St Johnstone game. I was probably the only person in the St Johnstone end with a smile on his face as I listened to WW and co. raking up a 6-0 win. To this day I have no idea where all the injury time came from at Firhill. Even when the ref blew the whistle for the penalty I thought it was some other infringement but I could not fathom out why it was a penalty. Oh well at least I passed my finals....and the Rangers sympathising pal now lives in Kilmaurs and attends Rugby Park with me, his daughter and his Killie scarf. Wind forward to 11th December 2005 and I took my 7 year old son to his first Killie game against the Old Firm, in this case at home to Rangers. He was born in Glasgow, lived in Glasgow all his life and was surrounded by fans of the 2 Ugly Sisters. His best pal at the time was a Rangers fan and although he’d been to RP a few times I didn’t know if he secretly was a wee Rangers fan. His only connection to Ayrshire was me and his grandparents in Cumnock. 16 minutes gone and Lovenkrands scores. No reaction from my son. Was he secretly cheering inside? Just before half time Lovenkrands scores again. Still no reaction whatsoever. Half time interval and I’m still wondering where his allegiance lies. On the hour mark, Naismith sets up McDonald to pull one back. Then I knew.... he was out his seat screaming and cheering and did so for the next 8-9 mins until Lovenkrands got his hat trick. At that point the score didn’t matter, at least not to me it didn’t. Rangers could have scored another 10 but I would still have been happy. My boy was, and still is, without doubt, KTID! As it turned out Boyd made it 2-3 just before the end and a few weeks later left for Ibrox. That was the happiest time I’d ever left RP after a defeat. Best Wishes Stuart
HIPPO BITS + BOBS It’s been a weird old period for Scottish football and the bad news is I suspect it may get worse before it gets any better. There are loads of “talking points” rearing their head and with Covid fluctuating daily it’s very easy for gobby fanzine editors to be made to look stupid when passing comment. Firstly I have a jawdropping piece of info for Neil “shit for brains” Doncaster…….football is not immune to Covid-19. At present there is a different club each day having some sort of Covid related issue and it would be very helpful if the beaks adopted a “we’re all in this together” attitude rather than engaging witch hunts especially against Killie it would appear. I’m not the brightest bulb in the box however I get a little confused when Premiership clubs have all the Covid good practices in places yet we play League cup games against the lower league clubs who simply cannot afford all the testing etc. The beaks cannot treat all clubs equally in this situation as different rules apply therefore in theory Killie could get punished for failing to sanitise the club cat whilst non Premiership clubs can do what they want without fear of repercussion. It’s a whole mess that makes no sense…..what a perfect tag line to describe Doncaster’s role in Scottish football. One feel good story that came out of the League Cup fixtures was the record breaking penalty shoot out in the Stranraer v Albion Rovers tie. With the tie finishing as a draw it went to a penalty shoot out to see who would grab the potentially important bonus point. The Coatbridge side ran out 15-14 winners and in the process made history as it was the highest scoring penalty shoot out in the history of any Scottish competition. There is a wee local connection in all this, not Killie I may add, but the previous record was held by Stirling Albion when they they beat Hurlford 13-12 on penalties in the Scottish Cup in 2014. One final little known fact from the Stranraer v Albion tie, both keepers were married to each other with Warwick Davis in for Stranraer and his good lady wife was the Coatbridge custodier!! Did you know Killie were the first team to lose a Scottish Cup tie on penalties….against Stranraer in 1990.
Our next soap box subject is the introduction of fans back into games. There was a short lived experiment about a month ago including our game at Pittodrie but looking from afar it looked like there was very little enjoyment for the socially distanced fans. The virus is currently very much on the rise throughout Caledonia so I reckon there is absolutely no chance of us clicking the turnstiles any time in 2020. It seems other foreign countries are handling the virus better than us…..lets be honest the Chuckle brothers could do a better job than the current incumbents. There are games abroad where a few thousand are getting into games so we will eventually catch up in this country but God (Willie Watters) knows when. My only optimistic thought is that with an 18000 capacity and a home crowd of about 25% of that perhaps we are in a good position to be at the front of the queue when the beaks look at reintroducing the lifeblood of the game. Alternately they might just put ditch any thoughts of health + safety and let both sides of Scotland’s shame back regardless of consequences. The next issue that has severely got on my not inconsiderable man boobs is VAR even though it’s down south and hasn’t yet reached Scotland……hopefully it never will. Now I may be talking out my not inconsiderable arse here but football is a form of enjoyment and entertainment so the authorities should only introduce changes that will improve the game thereby increasing the fans enjoyment. I don’t get too tied up with English teams that many do however I like the beautiful game in general and watch Match of the day every week. Almost every week without fail the main topic up for discussion is VAR and some of the ridiculous decisions we have to witness on an increasingly regular basis. There is no such thing in offside now as “being level” as Liverpool had a good chopped off v Everton as I suspect Mane’s eyelash was beyond the final defender. It’s ruining the game and the sooner we get back to good old fashioned human f*** ups the sooner my not inconsiderable blood pressure rate will drop!! Finally and just before the soap box gives way to my lockdown five chins, can I wish all the very best to Livingston FC for refusing to postpone our league fixture. In the words of a remarkably wise Greek philosopher “get it right up ye ya franchise no marks”.
WIN A NEW KILLIE TOP
Thanks to the kind generosity from all our sponsors we are giving away a Killie top in each issue and well done to exiled Killie fan Jim Robertson who won last months competition. All you have to do is answer this simple question, the answer is in this issue: Who do we tip to win the English Championship? Email answers to killiehippo@aol.com ‌‌..good luck
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