Hippo142

AN UNOFFICIAL KILLIE FANZINE

ISSUE NO. 142

UGANDA KILLIE FANS.... ..HOW THE LEAGUE WAS WON ..NEW BOARD SAME SH*T ..OLD KILLIE STRIPS APPEAL

£2.00

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SHOOTING FROM THE HIPPO The old saying goes that “nothing surprises you in football” and that was certainly my reaction this week. A number of years ago Agent Roberts was sent down to Scumerset to dismantle a club without a trophy room. The Kilie lad has done a sterling job and they truly are cack. That was why I was amazed to hear that Marko had been offered a job with broadcasting giants Sky. I made a few enquiries and it is all true, in fact he successfully installed his first dish last Tuesday.

Hello again fellow Killie fans and I hope you have enjoyed our fine run of form that has taken us to the dizzy heights of the top six. I’m writing this just after the trip to Parkhead where both teams in reality were battling for second spot behind Champions League bound Hamilton Accies. It’s fantastic to see Accies but it’s a concern that there average crowd could be accommodated in a family size people carrier.

Our defeat at Celtic was disappointing but hopefully it hasn’t harmed the players confidence. We started the game well and were arguably the better team until Pasca’s moment of madness plus the resulatant goal killied the game as a contest. We battled away and in years gone by would have lost 4 or 5. The one positive is that Ashcroft gets his overdue chance and I hope the big man continues his good form from last season.

We have been on a fine run of form with excellent wins over Partick, Dundee Utd and St Johnstone. The arabs game was on TV and hopefully advertised that we are a decent team when we get the ball down and go at teams. Eremenko is the eye catcher for all the papers but the player who has transformed us in my opinion is Mark Connolly. The big Irish lad is still only 22 and has brought us stability and composure that we have arguably lacked since Freddy headed back to his native France. Having a quality player next to him has also helped Pasca and the whole team looks much better when you have a solid foundation at the back. My only concern is that with our financial woes that Connolly will be sold as soo as we get a bid.

Of course the parasite doesn’t like positive Killie headlines so has added to his enormous list of cock ups by introducing “Bonus-gate” to the naughty list. We have covered this a little in a separate article but it defies belief that the new directors can sit back and watch Johnston make a mockery of the club……..or perhaps they simply have no clout whatsoever. Whatever the nuts and bolts of the situation are, it should have been kept in-house and dealt with in a professional manner rather than making us look like a pub team again.

Please send me your articles on all things killie related and get your old Killie strips handed in at Rainbow Ink Sandy

THE RETURN OF MCCOOL So Killie are on the back pages for all the wrong reasons again. It's at times like these that I thank God for fishing. For sightseeing and walking. For writing. For all the things that ensure Kilmarnock FC isn't my entire social reason for existing, like it arguably was fifteen years ago. Because right at this moment, it would be messing with my head. What a shambles. What a totally depressing, soul destroying shambles.

Accuse me of practising free kicks with a political football if you like, but would this bonus row be happening under a stronger manager? One who runs a tight ship rather than a shite tip? I'm willing to bet it would've been kept in house at least, like it appears to have been in the past.

How would you like to be exposed as a rat who's been running to the papers, if you were going in tomorrow morning to face Jim Jeffries and Billy Brown? 2013/14 was by no means the worst season I've ever endured, but Allan Johnston's managerial performance stood alone as the worst I've seen in twenty five years as a supporter, in everything from tactics and use of resources, right down to his touchline conduct and demeanour. It remains a scandal that he wasn't sacked.

Now, he's managed to bring in a blue chip assistant, who's nous and knowledge he's thriving on the back of. Suddenly, from nowhere, a team who looked like relegation certs are now nailed on for a top six finish and an outside bet for Europe. Damn it, were it not for Alex Neil, he'd probably be well on the way to being manager of the year.

All of this would suggest that Allan Johnston could get a drink in the desert and carries some sort of midas touch, but think again. He only managed to bring Garry Locke on board because they're long term pals and as soon as he leaves for a top job, which is inevitable sooner rather than later, we'll be back to square one and so will Johnston. Don't take my word for that either.

Read what the players say in interviews.

They talk of the same two things all the time. Locke's input and being based in Kilmarnock again for training. This affair is, in my opinion, simply another example of the manager's utter ineptitude. Where is he? As he hides from the glare of the headlights, one of the anonymous dressing room rodents assures us that he supports them totally. What, washing our dirty linen in public, just when things have been looking up on the park? If that's true, it says more about him than I ever could.

Then there's your old pal Mick. Michael Johnston, come on down! Can there be a more bizarre, surreal character ever to drive through the Dundonald Road gates? He's nursed the club through years of debt, while others have been falling like skittles. Debt, which I may add, was none of his doing.

Recently, along with Billy Bowie, he cleared that debt and gave us a clean bill of financial health. Until he saddled us with the current incumbent, he even had a good record of managerial appointments. I've said it before, he's our Fergus McCann. History will show this guy to be a hero and rightly so, yet he's been a PR and communications disaster since the day and hour he came to the place. Anyone he hasn't upset isn't worth upsetting. And although I don't blame him for this latest crisis, his name's cropped up again.

Once more, his mug is all all over a Weegie red top, shrouded in negativity.

Ever get the feeling trouble just follows some people? Michael, I appeal to you, jettison that third tier reject, replace him with Garry Locke, then disappear. You've been promising to do that since Bruce Forsyth was a tea boy. It's time. There are others who can step forward now that we have something resembling a proper board.

Last but not least, the players. I mean, honestly, the players. Where do you even start? It was reported a number of weeks ago that they wanted a better deal for finishing tenth or higher - in other words survival - now they're denying that and saying they only want it for a top six finish. Wow, that's a relief. Hardly a surprise either, given the outcry it caused.

Still, progress is progress and I'm awfy glad they don't want reward for failure. Something doesn't quite stack up though, when today's clipe was moaning about last season's survival bonus being fit for a second division team. Choose your own punchline, but it does prove that bonuses for staying in the Premiership have been paId in the past and ARE, despite the denials, on the agenda now.

Seriously? Does this happen at other clubs? Will David Goodwillie be hiding a wad from the CSA at the end of the season, because he helped Aberdeen, trophy winners and European qualifiers at the end of last season, manage not to get bloody relegated at the end of this one? Can we expect to see John Sutton running around in a new car because he scored just enough goals to keep Motherwell away from the trap door? I don't think so somehow.

The facts as I see them are these. Dundee, Hamilton Accies and possibly Partick Thistle, are the only clubs in the league who have any excuse for having survival bonus systems in place. In other words, clubs who are in either their first or second season in the top division, after winning promotion. That's the end of that.

As for any other success driven bonuses our players think they may be due, it should be thrashed out in a darkened room somewhere and the demands kept reasonable. Anything else, and they can piss off anywhere else they like, as quickly as they like, no matter how important they think they are.

Did any of them read Bobby Williamson's interview last week? The one where he talked about players changing at the side of the pitch because there aren't even portakabins, never mind dressing rooms? Where he talked about the same players training in the morning, before working in fields all day for pennies. That's life as a Kenyan footballer. It's a world where kids carry water jugs on their shoulders for miles so their families can function. Where young men consider it a privilege to play the game and the best dream of a move to Europe, so their families can escape the ghettos and shanty towns.

Closer to home, what do they reckon some bloke in Shortlees, with no job and three demanding kids in the run up to Christmas, makes of what he's reading right now? It should make them CRINGE. You wonder why the ground is two thirds empty every other week? My friends are asking why I won't travel from Inverness to support this lot and their leaders? The place is toxic. I'd love to exterminate it and start again in league two, with a load of hungry, enthusiastic young boys.

It would be like sweeping the club out with a broom and giving it back it's soul. In the meantime, can we see if it's possible to keep the headlines positive for the next six months. Now that's GOT to be worth a few bob in bonuses!!!!

HOW THE LEAGUE WAS WON We promised to try and give you some 1965 memories throughout the season and here is a great read for all Killie fans.

We came across this account of 1964-65, a quite remarkable season regardless of what team you support: Despite more than a century of competitive football, there have been only 18 occasions when Scotland’s league championship has been won by a side other than Celtic or Rangers (including Dumbarton sharing the title with Rangers in 1891). Whether it be Hibernian’s golden era of the late 1940s and early ‘50s, or Dundee United’s first and only title in 1983, any temporary halt to the Glasgow giants’ dominance is warmly welcomed by the wider Scottish football community.

Normally, any prospective challenger would need to step over at least one of the big two in order to reach the top of the domestic pile. However, season 1964/65 was a remarkable one: the traditional powerhouses were also-rans, both finishing the campaign outside the top four – a set of circumstances not witnessed before or since.

Instead, it was Hearts and Kilmarnock who fought out an enthralling battle for the league title, with the lead changing hands a number of times over the course of the season. This was no freak occurrence however, with both challengers being of considerable pedigree.

Hearts were in the closing stages of the most successful period in their history. Under the tutelage of Tommy Walker, the Jam Tarts had won the league in 1958 and 1960, as well as the Scottish Cup in 1956 and the League Cup on four occasions.

While the legendary ‘Terrible Trio’ of Alfie Conn, Willie Bauld and Jimmy Wardhaugh had moved on, Walker could still call on two impressive attacking talents – Willie Wallace would later win the European Cup with Celtic while Alan Gordon had the distinction of not only playing for Hearts and Hibs, but also turned out for both Dundee clubs.

While the side from the capital were used to experiencing that winning feeling, down in Ayrshire it was a different story. Kilmarnock were Scottish football’s nearly men – four times in the previous five seasons they had finished league runners-up, including Hearts’ triumph in 1960. As if that wasn’t painful enough, Killie had also lost three domestic cup finals during the same period.

Nowadays, a team of sports psychologists would work overtime to find the missing ingredient which would help a clearly capable team to take that final step. One thing that wasn’t lacking though was determination, with Kilmarnock once again in contention as winter turned to spring in 1965.

Willie Waddell had enjoyed a distinguished playing career with Rangers and, in his first managerial role, built an impressive side including young goalkeeper Bobby Ferguson (later of West Ham and Scotland), captain and club legend Frank Beattie and prolific striker Jackie McInally (father of Bayern Munich striker Alan McInally).

Hearts looked as if they had done enough when they managed to open a three-point lead at the top. However, a draw with Dundee United left the door slightly ajar and, going into the last round of matches, the contenders were separated by two points. Thanks to a wonderful piece of scheduling, the sides would go head-to-head at Tynecastle on the final day.

On a glorious April afternoon, Hearts and Kilmarnock took to the field to contest their very own duel in the sun. More than 36,000 people were in attendance to see if the championship trophy would spend the year in Edinburgh, or if it would reside in Ayrshire for the first time.

To describe the fixture as winner-takes-all wouldn’t be entirely accurate: the hosts had the luxury of knowing that any victory, draw or even a single goal defeat would still be enough for them to be declared champions on goal average. The visitors meanwhile, knew that a minimum winning margin of two goals was required. It’s also worth noting that had goal difference been in operation, Hearts’ vastly superior ratio would have rendered the final match as virtually meaningless.

In the opening moments, what started out as an uphill struggle for Kilmarnock could have become an insurmountable mountain, had Ronald Jensen’s shot gone inside the post, rather than against it.

Perhaps buoyed by that early let-off, the away side played themselves into the match and after 26 minutes they took the lead – Davie Sneddon was at the far post to meet Tommy McLean’s cross and his header gave the away side renewed hope.

Determined to make the most of their advantage, Kilmarnock then turned the game on its head just a few minutes later. Taking the ball on his left foot, Brian McIlroy drilled a shot past Jim Cruikshank in the Hearts goal.

Suddenly, the outsiders were in the driving seat.

Unsurprisingly, Hearts came to life. Despite being on the receiving end of Kilmarnock’s double salvo, they knew that a single goal would still be enough to win the title. However, while they made chances either side of half-time, the visitors held firm and indeed, could have extended their lead.

Hearts’ last chance came in the closing minutes – Gordon met a bouncing ball, ensuring he kept it down and it travelled towards the opposition net.

However, after years of near misses, it seemed that Waddell’s players had decided that this was going to be their day. Ferguson – who had made his first-team debut earlier in the season – made a stunning save to confirm an outstanding victory and a historic first championship.

Although they have won both domestic cups since then, that 1965 triumph remains Kilmarnock’s only league championship win. The following season they entered the European Cup, winning a preliminary round tie against the Albanian side, 17 Nentori Tirana. Unfortunately, their opponents in the firstround proper, Real Madrid, had too much quality for their Scottish opponents: not only did the Spaniards progress to the next round, they went on to win the competition for a record sixth time.

Willie Waddell had a remarkable career: as if guiding a provincial club to their first league title wasn’t enough, he won numerous titles with Rangers as a player and returned as manager, leading them to their 1972 European Cup Winners Cup triumph. However, arguably his greatest achievement was his part in the redevelopment of Ibrox stadium, following the disaster in 1971 which claimed the lives of 66 people.

Hearts haven’t won a league title since, and have suffered further last day devastation. After being top of the table for most of the season, two late goals conceded at Dundee handed the 1985/86 title to Celtic. Ironically, had goal average still been in use, they would have been champions.

The 1964/65 season was one of those rare occasions where Scottish football wasn’t all about the ‘Old Firm’. Kilmarnock’s championship win should therefore be celebrated, as such triumphs have been all too infrequent over the years.

SPL PRICE COMPARISON 2014 – 2015 Ever since we started doing the fanzine, shortly after the Battle of Bannockburn, we have had articles discussing the problems within our game and what areas need to be addressed. Here is a look at current SPL prices: TEAM

SEASON TICKETS LOW

MATCH DAY TICKETS

HIGH

LOW

HIGH

Aberdeen

£342.00

£425.00

£24.00

£30.00

Celtic

£287.00

£600.00

£23.00

£34.00

Dundee

£300.00

£340.00

£20.00

£25.00

Dundee Utd

£299.00

£410.00

£19.00

£25.00

Hamilton

£310.00

£310.00

£22.00

£22.00

Inverness

£200.00

£370.00

£16.00

£30.00

Kilmarnock

£297.00

£330.00

£17.00

£26.00

Motherwell

£295.00

£420.00

£20.00

£27.00

Patrick Th

£308.00

£350.00

£22.00

£25.00

Ross County

£300.00

£360.00

£20.00

£26.00

St Johnstone £295.00

£360.00

£22.00

£23.00

St Mirren

£350.00

£20.00

£22.00

£285.00

It seems these issues are more relevant now than ever as crowds drop, income drops and clubs all over the country have big financial issues. Please don’t listen to a word from Johnston re “debt free” blah blah blah. We are in a very precarious situation still and are allegedly hawking about trying to get a loan to make sure we get through the season…………perhaps they could use some of it for bonuses!!

I digress, the above figures were produced recently and they show Killie as pretty much bang in the middle when it comes to pricing. Mj tries to tell the gullible every year that we are the cheapest place in the country to watch SPL football but the above shows the true facts.

In all honesty it is much of a muchness and the problems are much more deep rooted than simply cost although it is a hugely significant factor when looking for reasons as to why folk don’t go. Inverness will never get he crowds but they have the cheapest ST and cheapest match day ticket and look at the size of their crowds.

Howard legend “wee Kaz” is a tartan Army regular and was telling us she recently purchased three tickets for upcoming Scotland games at a cost of £135. That is ridiculous and its no wonder there were over 10,000 empty seats at Ibrox for the Georgia game. Incidentally, when mentioning the home of Sevco, they were the only team in Scotland not to issue there price for the above survey. They were either too embarrassed or just thought they would be extinct by the time the results were published.

The figures above prove nothing really, we all know that the Scottish football product is over priced, sub standard and on a slippery slope…….how do we halt that slide?

NEW BOARD SAME SH*T? Life is never dull as a Killie fan but sadly there appears to be less and less of us to get worked about all the comings and goings at our famous old club.

Almost 50 years ago the greatest day in the clubs history saw Killie win the top division for the only time in our history. Thankfully Johnston wasn’t the chairman at that time or we would probably be reading about a dispute over how much the players were due for achieving such a feat.

There are all sorts of issues all over the place but it does feel that only Killie would make headlines about bonus payments at a time when we are playing some great stuff and challenging at the right end of the league. I can’t quite get my head around this bonus row as it’s hard when you don’t know the facts. However it’s 1/100 that MJ has treated the players the same way he treats everyone else and you can take it as fact that the players have the same opinion of the chairman as we do.

The main issue however is the way it has been handled i.e. it has been allowed to reach the public domain when it should all have been kept private and resolved in house. The manager has not said much but he secretly must be blazing that at a time when we are on a fantastic run, the bumbling ways of Johnston could potentially damage our on field performances.

It is credit that until now (the night before the Celtic game) the players have remained professional and have shown an admirable attitude however the longer the problem drags on the more likely that it will have a negative affect and ultimately cost us points……..that’s unforgivable.

It is no surprise that the story has come via a journalist who dislikes Johnston, much like Jackson on the Record. As the old saying goes “you reap what you sow” and that will be the case until the poison leaves Rugby Park. It should also be pointed out that the newspaper was talking about strike action but that just sounds like nonsense journalism to me. There is no doubt that the dispute rumbles on and the players will want to know their rights. The lesson so far is don’t believe a word that MJ says and don’t believe all you read either.

Let us rewind a year or two and see just how we have arrived at our new boardroom and ask the question, “Has anything really changed”? Everyone has their own views but ever since Moffat walked away and left the parasite in charge my issue has always been the structure. Having a one man board was probably the worst board structure in British football and there was no way that was sustainable.

My decision not to attend last season for a number of games was basically the last straw and something had to change. Sadly it appears the person who eventually put money in to save the club appears to be happy to hand over the cash then sit back and watch Johnston damage his investment on a daily basis. It may just be that Bowie simply wanted the hotel and doesn’t give a toss about what happens to the club. The most worrying thing I’ve heard in a while was a club employee telling me recently they would trust Johnston more than Bowie………that is not a nice thought.

Once the boardroom structure changed I was happy to take it at face value and returned to home games. I was prepared to give the new board members a chance to make a positive difference and the speeches they all made at the AGM made the right noises and indicated they were in it for the right reasons. These guys have been there for the best part of a year now and if we are being honest the only real improvement I can see is a new website…….whooppee.

Of course we cannot believe all or indeed anything we are told by Johnston and the status of at least two of the new guys is a bit of a mystery. The story was that they were putting in £50k each and would have the same voting rights etc as MJ + BB. I suspect that is complete bullshit and it was the case until a few weeks back that Moran and Smith were not even listed as directors with Companies house.

The biggest mystery to me is Bowie who could have been the hero but is quickly now just being looked upon as a puppet…….much like the other three in all fairness. At a recent meeting Johnston was asked why he hadn’t stepped down as chairman as previously indicated. The answer was that nobody wanted to take it on. Bowie was concerned about the abuse he may get apparently……oh dear. If Bowie had put his money and removed Johnston he would have been seen as the white knight however the longer he sits back and does nothing the longer he will be tarred with the Johnston brush and rightly so.

So where do we go from here and is there a chance that once the directors have bedded in they will see what almost everyone else sees? I doubt it and the more we stumble along the more it looks like Mj and BB simly wanted the hotel and sod anything else.

We have been criticizing the PR and Marketing of the club for many years (rightly so) and the club have now taken on a Marketing Manager and assistant. They will have a hard job I suspect as most folk were disgusted at how we treated Tommy Adams who is hugely popular in the town and in the business community. I met Nicola Sturgeon and as you would expect she said the right things but like anything else she will be judged on results mainly in increasing crowds and increasing turnover.

The KFCSA have discussed having an open meeting where all the fans can meet the full board although that is hard to arrange as three of them are based down south. We have also discussed a “meet the manager” night which I believe will be done first, after that we can push for the board night.

Overall I’ve been hugely disappointed by the new directors and on the face of it they simply look like puppets with as much clout as me and you. I hope to be proven wrong through time but sadly at present nothing has changed and it won’t until we get rid of the megalomaniac in charge. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

TOKEN SCUM GAG

A Killie fan and a Scum fan go into Greggs the baker's for their lunch time cholesterol.

The Scum fan can’t help himself, old habits die hard and he nicks 3 pies and puts them in his pocket. He then boasts to the Killie boy, "did you see that?" "The staff never even saw me."

The Killie boy has to think on his feet then says, "that's f**k all mate, watch this."

The Killie lad strides back into the shop and says to the manager, "gimme a pie and I'll show you some magic". He eats the pie in front of him, and then does it twice more.

The manager says, "so, where's the magic in that?"

The Killie boy smiles and says, "go and check inside that dicks pocket."

KILLIE (STRIPS) IN UGANDA I stated in an earlier issue that we have been getting involved in different community focused stuff. The one thing you realise when you do this is there are loads of great folk in Kilmarnock doing some fantastic work. Please join us on the “likes for Killie (open)� Facebook page as there are lots of ideas that will hopefully get developed in the months and years ahead.

Through this I had the pleasure of meeting Liz and archie McDonald who do a massive amount of charity work. They do lots of voluntary work which sees huge benefits to local charities, national charities and under privileged communities abroad, Uganda in this case.

I remember years ago there was a big campaign for Killie fans to donate their old Killie strips and that is what we want you all to do again. Firstly here is the story of how Liz and Archie got involved: Four years ago Archie McDonald , Jim McHardy , Ian Rennie and Sandy Brown set off to Arua in Uganda on a fact finding mission as to best help the local people of the village.

We took the money that had been raised by various events such as car boot sales at Kilmarnock Rugby Club who generously give a free pitch every Saturday and St Kentigerns church help. The greatest need was found to be the children , St Peters church , mosquito nets and cleansing facilities . That year thousands of mosquito nets were delivered to homes and hospitals , school equipment was bought and a donation was made to the church .

The following year Archie went on the long journey by himself to Arua . It was decided that three houses would be built on the church grounds to be let out to help the church be more self sufficient . Archie over saw the foundations of the houses being built on his visit . There was hundreds of stationery items distributed to the local schools that were donated by the good people of the New Farm Loch area.

Archie met a family who had a son called Moses aged four who had been through nine operations already to repair his intestines that were formed outside his body and while there the boy went through another operation. The families travelling costs and accomadtion were paid for out of the fund raised. Football kits bought by the fund and donated by Paul McDonald through Kilmarnock F.C were given to local teams and kids .

Last year six brave souls took on the trip which included Archie and Liz McDonald , Jim McHardy , Elizabeth Higton from Darvel ,Ian and Thomasina Lochead from Lockerbie.

This was to donate the Money that had been raised by : continuing car boots , Onthank school children , blether and biscuit at the Winton Place church , Riccarton church concert , Sorn school ! St Kentigerns sponsored cycle , St Kentigerns Pathfinders , Acquired taste concert , neighbours from Barclay Drive , St Peters and St Johns churches in Carlisle and numerous people who just want to do good but would rather stay out of the spot light.

Due to all these people the houses were all but finished , the First Ladies sewing project was formed , wheelchairs supplied , more Kilmarnock F.C strips and footballs handed out , seventy eight uniforms donated to Orube nursery school and two children's school fees paid for their entire education .

This year once again Archie is returning alone to see the houses finished this is due to a wonderful Kilmarnock family donating a large sum of money , to carry out the ongoing School work and to add to the Uganda Kilmarnock F.C supporters club .

When the adventure started Archie was laughed at when he said I've started so I'll finish as so many projects are started but seldom completed due to lack of funds but due to the kindness of the Kilmarnock people this story has a happy ending .

Archie's dream of seeing the houses complete is near but with a little extra help so much more could be accomplished .

We are going to be running with this for a number of months and I will be pushing it through social media, local media and we have asked the club if they can help with putting their name to it.

In the meantime please dig out your old Killie strips and hand them into big Stewart at RAINBOW INK, BANK STREET, KILMARNOCK

SEVCO GAG A full crowd gathers in Ibrox for a 'Knuckledraggers Are Not Stupid' convention. Ally McCoist addresses the crowd..

'We are all here today to prove to the world that “ra teddy bears� are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please?'

Lee McCulloch gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

McCoist asks him 'What is 15 plus 15?'

After 15 or 20 seconds McCulloch says, ' Forty!'

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the crowd start chanting 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'

McCoist says, 'Well since we have a capacity crowd, worldwide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance.'

So he asks, 'What is 5 plus 5?'

After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, ' Twelve?'

Poor Ally looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh.

Everyone is disheartened and big Lee starts to bubble.

But then the 50,000 weegies begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'

McCoist, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says, 'OK then, what is 2 plus 2?'

Silence hangs over the stadium.

McCulloch closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, 'Four?'

Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Subway lovers crowd stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream, 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'

PROVOSTS PAGE As you may be aware our provost Jim Todd has selected The Samaritans as his selected charity this year. We used to have a page in the Hippo for the Samaritans when big Stewart volunteered there so we are delighted to continue to help.

Our charity fans night will be rearranged in the new year but if you want to help yourself here is some info from the Samaritans web page: Samaritans' work in Scotland In Scotland we opened our first branch in Edinburgh in 1959. Since then we have grown to 19 branches supported by over 1,000 volunteers across the country, stretching from Shetland to the Scottish Borders.

Day or night, a Samaritans volunteer is there to give support to anyone feeling down or struggling to cope.

If you are interested in becoming a Samaritans volunteer, please visit our volunteering pages where you will find out more about the variety of rewarding roles and how to apply.

If you are organising an event and would like Samaritans to be involved, please contact Scotland@samaritans.org.

Contact Samaritans To contact Samaritans for emotional support , please call 08457 90 90 90 or email jo@samaritans.org

KILIE BITS AND PIECES Firstly let me apologise for the postponement of the killie fans charity night which was due to be held in the Howard after the Dundee game on November 1st. The night was a good old Killie night and was to raise funds for the Samaritans, the provosts chosen charity this year. We will be rearranging a new date in the new year and will publicise it as soon as everything is confirmed, >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It is good to see our under 20’s are a mirror image of the first team and are challenging at the right end of the table. Several of our youngsters continue to blossom at international level as well.

Greg Kiltie scored two goals as Scotland under 18’s had a fine win against the Czech Republic. The Galston lad is currenly on loan with James Fowler at Queen of the South and I’m sure rge experience will stand him in good stead when he returns to Killie.

The Shortlees goal machine Robbie Muirhead seems to score every time he pulls on the navy blue shirt. We recently drew 1 – 1 over in Norway and the big man scored an absolute screamer from about 40 yards. The goal was all over Facebook and Twitter so if you haven’t already seen it get on t’internet for a treat. My big worry is that his contract is up next summer and all the “no money” headlines at the moment won’t exactly encourage him to stay. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Look out for the Scottish Cup draw shortly as we will be involved from the end of November again. I suggest the 50th anniversary should be celebrated by another Scottish Cup win and another street party in the town centre.

The supporter groups are busier than ever and whilst MJ hand picks his Community Disengagement Board and continues to divide everyone we stick to our principals and try to do what is best for all Killie fans.

I’m sure you have already read that Killie die hard Kevin Scoular, with the help of others, saved the life of an elderly St Johnstone fan at the recent cup game. KFCSA are delighted that their Heartstart class had such an obvious success and we are running another one on 25th November. PLEASE ATTEND IF YOU HAVENT BEFORE AND DROP ME AN E MAIL KILLIEHIPPO@AOL.COM FOR FULL DETAILS. We are also delighted that Kevin’s amazing actions are being recognised and he will be attending the AGM of the local British Heart Foundation to get a presentation. I know Kevin is regularly in touch with the Saintees fan whose life he saved……it’s good to report on one of these incidents that has a happy ending.

KFCSA recently held one of their regular meetings and had the opportunity to meet new Marketing Manager Nicola Sturgeon. We refrained from cracking the obvious gags and Nicola explained what she hoped to achieve e.g. gradual crowd increase, better matchday experience etc. Along with our ongoing contact with Andrew Miller (S.L.O.) we will try and put forward the ideas and the thoughts of our members.

The Killie Trust is equally busy and you will see the advert in this issue for the latest comedy night (Sat. 15th Nov.). Please get your tickets quick as we reckon this could be the best line up so far,it will be a belter of a night in the Sports Bar. Finally the this year’s Trust AGM will be held on Wednesday 26th November 2014 at 7.00pm in the Howard Centre, Portland Street, Kilmarnock

SPFL 3/10/14 KILLIE 2 V 0 ARABS KILLIE – SAMSON (BRENNAN HT), BARBOUR, CHANTLER, PASCALI, CONNOLLY, CLINGAN, HAMILL, EREMENKO (MUIRHEAD 80), OBADEYI, JOHNSTON, MAGENNIS SUBS NOT USED – MCKENZIE, SLATER, ASHCROFT, WESTLAKE + NGOO BOOKED – BARBOUR, CONNOLLY + EREMENKO GOALS – OBADEYI 63 + CONNOLLY 65 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> DUNDEE UTD – CIERZNIAK, WATSON, MORRIS, FOJUT, DILLON, PATON, RANKIN, DOW, ARMSTRONG (MACKAY-STEVEN 64), ERSKINE, CIFTCI (ADEYEMO 76) SUBS NOT USED – SZROMNIK, TELFER, SMITH, SPITTAL + SPARK BOOKED – MACKAY-STEVEN + ADEYEMO GOALS – SFA REF – C ALLAN

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DICK OF THE DAY – BUZBY For all you younger readers out there Buzby was the wee bird that was used in the BT adverts many moons ago who told everyone “make someone happy with a phone call”.

The real gong should just go to BT however I have no idea who I could give it to and poor old Buzby is the only name I associate with BT!! We all know that football sold out to the TV companies many moons ago therefore games are moved to all sorts of mad kick off times. Personally I don’t hate Friday games as long as it is reasonable for the fans travelling. However BT moved this game knowing the weather was going to be chucking it down hence lots of fans simply sat in the house or pub to watch the game whilst the ones who attended were drowned…….get it sorted Buzby.

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This was always going to be a tough test but Killie were high in confidence after a fine win over Thistle. In all fairness we gubbed the arabs just as convincingly as we had with the jags. We were excellent and Eremenko shone in the central area where utd seemed happy to allow him space and time. There were great performances throughout the team and it’s great to see us challenging in the top six…….long may it last.

SPL 18/10/14 SAINTEES 1 V 2 KILLIE ST JOHNSTONE – MANNUS, MACKAY, GRAHAM, ANDERSON, EASTON, CROFT (CADDIS 83), DAVIDSON, LAPPIN (O’HALLORAN 76), MILLER, MCFADDEN, BROWN (WOTHERSPOON 61) SUBS NOT USED – BANKS, WRIGHT, WILSON + KITCHEN BOOKED – BRENNAN + MAGENNIS GOALS – DAVIDSON 10 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> KILLIE – BRENNAN, BARBOUR, CHANTLER, PASCALI, CONNELLY, HAMILL, MCKENZIE, CLINGAN, OBADEYI, JOHNSTON (MUIRHEAD 72), MAGENNIS SUBS NOT USED – MACKAY, NGOO, ASHCROFT, WESTLAKE, MILLER + SLATER BOOKED – BRENNAN + MAGENNIS GOALS – MAGENNIS 19 + 22 REF – C THOMSON

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DICK OF THE DAY – OFFICIALS I’ve just clocked an utterly depressing stat but since I don’t know who to blame I cant give them the award. Do you know that is five games on the trot we have played where the crowd has been below 4000!.we are playing as well just now as we have for a very long time yet the crowds are stinking.

That is something we can look at another day but for now lets revert to our easiest target….the officials. Down south they have brought in goal line technology but up here we have to rely on grossly incompetent officials. Having watched the saints “goal” it was nowhere near over the line at that could easily have cost us three points……it didn’t even get much coverage in the papers and TV!

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It’s not often we win a game after going a goal behind but its very satisfying when we do…..especially since their goal didn’t cross the line! Our recent run of form has obviously instilled some confidence and it was great to see big Josh get his just rewards. The big man has been playing well without scoring so hopefully this will spark a Magennis goalfest.

SPL 26/10/14 CELTIC 2 V 0 KILLIE CELTIC – GORDON, MATTHEWS, DENAYER, VAN DIJK, IZAGUIRRE, MCGREGOR, BROWN, JOHANSEN (MULGREW 67), WAKASO (TONEV 79), SCEPOVIC (GRIFFITHS 67), GUIDETTI SUBS NOT USED – ZALUSKA, KAYAL, AMBROSE + LUSTIG BOOKED – JOHANSEN GOALS – GUIDETTI 35 +SCEPOVIC 64 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> KILLIE – BRENNAN, BARBOUR, CHANTLER, PASCALI, CONNELLY, HAMILL, MCKENZIE, CLINGAN, OBADEYI, EREMENKO (ASHCROFT 35), MAGENNIS (NGOO 70) SUBS NOT USED – MACKAY, MUIRHEAD, WESTLAKE, JOHNSTON + SLATER BOOKED – BARBOUR SENT OFF - PASCALI GOALS – NOPE REF – W COLLUM

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DICK OF THE DAY – PASCALI I could give numerous DOTD awards when we travel to Glasgow since they give so much ammunition to an infantile fanzine editor. I did have a laugh at the wee wide boys outside trying to sell scarves etc in the pouring rain. Would you pay a tenner for a drenched scarf?

We can then look on the park and realize they have a great knack of signing dicks, Guidetti seems to be the latest learning his tricks from the ever obnoxious Brown. However I will give the award to Pasca, as much as I love his enthusiasm and determination it was his madness that killed the game for us.

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Fair play to Celtic for the cheap tickets and a decent Killie crowd made the trip with a shade of confidence we would get a result. We started well and had the look of a team full of confidence after a good run. The whole game changed in a minute with Pasca sent off and them scoring from the free kick. We battled all the way and special mention to young Brennan who made some fine saves.

REFLECTIONS FROM PARKHEAD It was fantastic to see a decent crowd make the trip to Parkhead so I thought it would be prudent to point out a few things to those who couldn’t make the journey to hell: • They did well out the Commonwealth cash and its all tarted up nice outside the ground.

• Inside the ground is still a sh*t hole!

• They always used to get a helping hand from the ref when needed….they still do.

• They always used to tell big porkies and exaggerate the size of their crowd….they still do • They claim to be a big club but still have humungus pillars that ruins the view for hundreds • I always used to know the names of all their players…….I’ve no idea of who half of them are now • They are sh*t!

• I always made a point of not spending a penny on their crappy pie huts…..I still do • 75% of their season ticket holders have made a least one appearance on the Jeremy Kyle Show • Just to reiterate….they are sh*t

HIPPO WORLD EXCLUSIVE

Our moles have been working overtime and have uncovered the picture above which is the new Ibrox Park…….well in two years time it will be anyway.

Fat Mike will specialize in selling skin tight white shirts with designer sweat stains under the armpits….you can see him modeling these every other week at St James Park. All ST holders will receive a free “Subway Loyal” baseball cap which can be collected between 4 and 4.30 every Saturday.

DONATE YOUR OLD KILLIE STRIPS

You will see an article inside about how you can help the Killie fan club that is building in Uganda. Please dig out your old kids and adult Killie strips and hand them in at RAINBOW INK, BANK STREET, KILMARNOCK……….CHEERS