Hippo150

AN UNOFFICIAL KILLIE FANZINE

ISSUE NO. 150

Would you have him Back? . WIN A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE . PRICING MADNESS . STICK OR TWIST £2.00

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SHOOTING FROM THE HIPPO

Welcome to landmark issue 150 but we need to get serious for amoment. I would ask each and every one of you to urgently book an appointment for an urgent health check with your doctor. I’m writing this on the day after the Thistle game and a story has just broke that we may be looking to sign big Momo Sissoko again!! The risk of heart attacks, strokes and nervous breakdowns has just multiplied 100 times and I don’t think I could handle it…..in all fairness I don’t think we would see issue 151.

Firstly thanks to all you loyal fans for supporting the fanzine through the years, when I started I didn’t expect to reach 150 words never mind 150 issues. We have put on a wee competition to mark the occasion so if you fancy winning a bottle of champagne (not Lidl) then please give it a go.

Okay that’s all the small talk out the way, what kind of nick are we in? Not great has to be the answer to that even if there has been a wee glimmer of hope in the last few days. We spoke in the last issue about an increased optimism for the season ahead….well that disappeared in record time. If Jim Mann’s idea of the “Killie Way” is to piss off fans off the park and get gubbed on it then the Dundee game was the perfect example. It was a disaster in every sense and you will see an article dedicated to the whole shambles.

You will also see an article looking at Gary Locke’s record and it doesn’t make for great reading. In his 12 games as permanent manager we have still to keep a clean sheet. The one thing we need to be is hard to beat but that will never be the case if we keep shipping soft goals. I’m not sure if signing Sissoko again makes me want to laugh or cry but I hope it may help things at the back…….I’m trying to convince myself here!!

Jim Mann has always said to judge him on his actions and not his words. That is exactly what we will do however nothing appears to have changed as we stumble from one PR disaster to another. The marketing department are failing badly in my book, they seem to just follow MJ’s plan of increasing prices for the diminishing fan base. I do think JM is there for the right reasons but I don’t believe it when they say it is one man one vote. If that is the case and they approved the ticketing scheme and price increases then I truly despair. It sometimes seems that they are hell bent on dragging us down further and wont be happy until we drop out the league.

Sorry if that all sounds a bit bleak but we sit bottom of the table with poor crowds, we need to be realistic. One positive is that we have showed a good fighting spirit in the Celtic and Thistle games.. If we can tighten up, bring in a few signings and get a settled side then just maybe things can start to improve.

Sandy

HAPPY RETIREMENT “MRS KILLIE” The term “legend” is wall overused when referring to football stars, probably in this fanzine as much as anything. Once you work closer to football clubs you meet the people behind the scenes who really make the club tick rather than the egotistical morons who just like their picture in the papers.

Anyone who was at the Celtic game you would have witnessed a true Killie legend make the half time draw. Anne Clark has been the face of Killie to many people for many years. Anne was always there to sort out your hospitality requests, deal with ticketing issues and whatever the issue she always did it with a smile.

On a personal level I have met Anne at umpteen Killie related events. During my time at the KFCSA and Trust we used to attend dances, events, funerals etc and without fail Anne would be a fantastic ambassador the club. The only worry wwas that we generally all ended up back in the Howard and I simply cant keep up with Anne, Josie, Elsie and their pals!!

One person who will sorely miss Anne around the place is Tommy Adams. When hearing of Anne’s retirement Tommy wrote the following – “I just want to take this chance to say thank you to a very good friend and the person I counted as my boss at Kilmarnock Football Club, it's been an honour to work with you over the past 10 years Anne. For me personally this is a very sad day and I want to wish you all the very best for the future Anne, as I said a very good friend & a great boss...MRS KILMARNOCK” Well said Tommy, I’d like to wish Anne a long happy retirement and I hope to see her in the pub more often now.

IS OUR PITCH COSTING US POINTS? As I was walking out the ground after the Dundee shambles myself and big mate Stewart were chewing the fat about where our problems lie. In all fairness we could have walked from Rugby Park to the Nou Camp and we would still have had enough problems to discuss. It really was a deflating game and we can only hope that we have enough time to put things right.

We will look at all the issues throughout the season but one interesting debate is the artificial pitch. I am not a fan of plastic pitches and would always want the beautiful game to be played on grass. There are obvious benefits in terms of community involvement, youth teams etc getting to use the hallowed plastic however the main question is are we losing out by not gaining an advantage on our new surface?

LEAGUE TABLE 2014 – 2015 P WDL F A 38 15 2 2 50 8 14 3 2 34 9 67 92 38 12 3 4 32 15 11 3 5 25 18 24 75

1 2

Celtic Aberdeen

3 4 5

Inverness Caledonian Thistle 38 10 6 3 29 19 9 2 8 23 23 10 65 38 8 5 6 19 17 8 4 7 15 17 0 57 St. Johnstone 38 12 2 5 32 20 5 3 11 26 36 2 56 Dundee United

6 7

Dundee Hamilton Academical

38 5 8 7 25 27 6 4 8 21 30 -11 45 38 8 6 5 30 20 7 2 10 20 33 -3 53

8

Partick Thistle

38 8 4 7 32 22 4 6 9 16 22 4 46

9 10

Ross County Kilmarnock

38 7 0 12 21 31 5 8 6 25 32 -17 44 38 7 1 10 23 27 4 7 9 21 32 -15 41

11 12

Motherwell St. Mirren

38 7 5 7 23 21 3 1 15 15 42 -25 36 38 3 2 14 14 30 6 1 12 16 36 -36 30

The table above is the completed 2014 – 2015 season and gives an interesting insight into how different teams accumulated their points both home and away. As things stand the only two teams with the synthetic surface are Killie and Hamilton Accies, who have had it since 2004 although they laid a new surface this summer after receiving criticism about the state of the old carpet!

It was always my thought that teams who put down a plastic pitch have a distinct advantage over their rivals but Killie don’t appear to be doing too much to confirm that theory. During last season Hamilton gathered 30 of their 53 points at home losing five games in the process. Killie on the other hand gathered only 22 points and were gubbed a total of 10 times……..not quite the “Fortress Rugby Park” that we all pray for.

It should be pointed out that most teams will train at some time during the week on the synthetic surface so it’s not totally foreign to them. The worrying thing to me is that other teams look far more comfortable knocking the ball about than we do. The surface lends itself to a crisp passing game and that is not something we have been doing in recent years. Last year saw us regularly playing hoofball so we could have played on any surface you want since the ball didn’t touch it too often.

I travelled down to Dumfries for the pre season friendly and it was a decent game with two teams trying to ping the ball around. Fow has adopted the Mixu/Kenny passing game and I can see them having a decent home record.

Killie on the other hand seem quite easy to read, just push up on us and we abandon any passing for a longer ball game. I worry that with Slater as our only creative central midfielder we will not be changing too much this time around but time will tell.

Of course we don’t just want to be a one dimension team, the secret is to mix it up to ensure the opposition don’t know exactly what they will be facing so there will be a time and a place for a route one approach but I think most fans would like to see that as the exception rather than rule.

I’m hoping our younger energetic players like Kiltie, Slaine and O’Hara will flourish but we need to have a manager that will give them their chance. I’ll be checking our home record this season with added interest but I’m worried that our unnatural surface will prove to be a foe rather than a friend.

OPENING DAY SHAMBLES My memory has been destroyed probably due to endless gallons of lager consumed over the years but I cannot remember a worse opening day than the Dundee debacle. You get days when you know things just aren’t going to go well and this was one of them. The weather was ok but there was one cloud burst all day…….five minutes after I took my usual place to sell the fanzine.

No sooner had the rain arrived than the mad bible thumper with the microphone appeared 20 yards behind me…….I was in a bad mood before a ball had been kicked and his incessant ramblings and declaration that we are all going to die did nothing to lift the gloom. What is the going jail term for ramming a microphone where the sun don’t shine??

We will shortly write an article about Jim Mann but he was getting some serious grief about the ticketing shambles that was unfolding prior to kick off. For some god known reason we made the decision to do away with cash gates and introduce a poorly organized ticketing scheme. So at kick off time we there was a huge queue of angry punters raging at the new system and having to pay £24 for the privilege……are we actually trying to attract more fans or are we simply chasing more and more to the pub on a Saturday afternoon?

Here is a perfect example of one fans viewpoint (stolen from killiefc.com) and this guy never even bothered trying to get to the game: I sensed there was an underlying problem through the posts on Friday so I decided late yesterday to give it a miss. I was considering returning to actively supporting the club this season and at one point was considering buying a season ticket.

I previously supported the club home and away for over 30 years (season ticket holder) this was through some of the bleakest times but over the last 10 years I have got out of the habit of going but have attended some local away matches.

Going to the game is habit forming, if you go to a few games and enjoy the experience you will come back, but the club seems intent on making it as difficult and as costly as possible for the casual fan, who for various reasons decides at the last minute whether to attend the game.

Fortunately for me, I made with hindsight what seems to have been a sensible decision yesterday but for many returning fans it seems it was a stressful inconvenience, yesterday was a disaster for the club, not for the result on the park but for the missed opportunity of building bridges and encouraging returning supporters to return.

If the club can't get it right off the park what chance have the team got.

There was a gate of 5200 yesterday in a stadium built to hold approx 18000, I understand if the stadium was filled every week the need to encourage advance sales but surely with gates averaging 4000 they need to be encouraging the casual supporter because if they don't they will eventually be left with a static non increasing ageing support.

Yesterday was an opportunity lost.

That sums up perfectly the damage that is done by the club making these ludicrous decisions. I have one friend who has been a lifelong Killie fan but only attends odd games these days. He was encouraged during the summer and had a mild case of “close season optimism-itis”. Standing for ages in a queue to pay inflated prices to watch piss poor football has done it for him and I doubt we will see him again this season.

One question I would love to hear an answer to is what benefit is this ticketing system to the club? We still have guys in the turnstiles, we need to use our staff to sell the tickets and it is just putting another obstacle in the way when we should be making this as easy as possible to get back to the Theatre of Pies. There should always be a cash gate option.

If Carlsberg did opening days then it would be the total opposite of this. It’s a toss up if the bigger calamity was on or off the park and I think every Killie fan left the ground dreading a very long season that lies ahead. If there is one positive to be taken it is that we have another 37 league games to put things right. Our close season optimism normally vanishes at some stage however this year it has vanished before the season has really started. We need to turn things around quickly but I’m not feeling too positive right now.

STICK OR TWIST? I get a horrible feeling of déjà vu when I write articles like this, we seem to have far too many managers in recent seasons. After the relatively lengthy spells of Fat Boab and JJ we have been rattling through the shoogly pegs. It goes without saying that we would never have bumped Kenny Shiels when we did and the longer time goes on the more damaging that decision looks.

Firstly let me clarify one thing, I’m not one for knee jerk reactions and I think managers need a reasonable amount of time to put their own stamp on the squad and the style of play. Having said that you sometimes get a gut feeling that things just aren’t going to work out….and that is the feeling I’m getting at the moment.

Before we start looking at all the factors that see us in a fragile position (even this early) lets have a look at all results since GL took the managers job on a permanent basis.

4th April – Killie 1 v 2 Motherwell 12th April – Killie 1 v 2 Aberdeen 15th April – Celtic 4 v 1 Killie 25th April – St Mirren 4 v 1 Killie 2nd May – Killie 2 v 3 Hamilton

8th May – Motherwell 3 v 1 Killie 16th May – Partick 1 v 4 Killie 23rd May – Killie 1 v 2 Ross Co. 1st August – Killie 0 v 4 Dundee 9th August – Aberdeen 0 v 2 Killie 12th August – Killie 2 v 2 Celtic 15th August – Partick 2 v 2 Killie That is a grand total of 5 points from a possible 36, you don’t have to be a footballing genius like Robbie Savage (fud) to realize that is desperate form and it’s not something that the fans will accept for too much longer.

In all fairness the fact that the run of results is split over the two seasons probably has worked in GL’s favour. I’m not sure if we had this sequence of results at the start of the season that fans would have been so tolerant. The point against Celtic felt every bit like a win after losing an early goal but the next performance at Firhill was another of “mixed messages” i.e. losing crap goals but at least showing a bit of spirit.

Some fans have pointed out that we have brought in a lot of new players who will need time to gel. There may be some truth in that however I watched a Dundee team at Rugby Park with several new faces and they didn’t do too badly…….it could have been 7 or 8 in truth. Almost every team has made changes but surely the pre season games are to blow away the cobwebs and introduce the newbies. Our performance in the opening game was unacceptable and hinted at far more deep rooted problems.

Perhaps the biggest irony that the only win in these games was an Eremenko inspired performance at Firhill. The enigmatic Finn has long since gone and it seems that not too much was done to try and keep him here. We did raise concerns in the last issue about the lack of creativity in midfield and the early games would suggest this is a real issue.

You will see another article in this issue about the pros and cons of the artificial pitch. We had another two players limped off against Celtic, Robinson will be out for up to 8 weeks. This followed hot on the news that Chris Johnston had been injured in training and is out for the season. Our squad is paper thin in certain positions and all this leads me to believe that GL needs to some wheeling and dealing to bring in more new faces to bolster the squad, even if it is only loan deals.

The importance of stats can be over hyped but as you see from the list of results above, we have failed to keep a clean sheet in 12 games. That does not mean the defence are solely to blame, they are far too exposed and we need to defend better from the front and right through the team. Personally I would give O’Hara the job sitting in front of the back four and when Slater gets back he can be given a bit of free reign to get forward in support of Boyd.

It should also be pointed out that had it not been for Jamie McDonald we would have lost more goals in each of the four league games so far. His performance against Celtic was reminiscent of Bell in the League Cup Final where the keeper was outstanding and almost seemed to act as an inspiration to the rest of the team who all played their part.

One other quick point is that right back is an ongoing weakness, I don’t think we have really replaced Gus McPherson!

The million dollar question on the lips of Killie fans now is do we stick or twist? Is it reasonable to give him until around the end of October and judge him them? Or should we take action now and get another manager in before we get detached in the nether regions………there is nothing worse than getting detached in the nether regions!!

As stated above I would normally give a manger plenty of time to make his mark. There are far too many examples of bosses getting punted before they have had a fair crack of the whip. I’m sure this is far more prevalent down south where the money at stake is obscene however it happens up here too. My worry is that we have been lucky a few times in recent years but eventually your luck will run out…just as it did for St Mirren last year.

Of course it may not be as simple as the board deciding to twist and punting GL in the coming weeks. Money, or lack of it, is king at RP and some folk reckon we wont be able to afford to bump GL from his three year deal. I don’t think that will be the case as there are probably umpteen get out clauses. The question may also be asked “can we afford to keep him if it means relegation and the resulting drop in income”.

It may seem a bit presumptious putting a photo of Mixu on the front page but the big man has recently lost his job as boss of his national team. He had a massive impact in a very short space of time at Killie and along with KS they gave the club a real sense of direction and a “Killie way” if you like…….something that I can see no signs of at present.

I honestly think that the next 6 weeks or so are real make or break for the management. We have avoided relegation narrowly at times, over a few years and if we get dragged into one more dog fight I think our luck may just run out.

HIPPO NEWSDESK You may have read in the last issue that we were having a go at the club about the walk up prices….and rightly so. Well I’m afraid the marketing department don’t seem to understand what it takes to get more fans through the gate. The latest increase is to the match day hospitality which now costs the princely sum of £110 + VAT………..it is seriously poor value for money at that I’m afraid.

For years the parasite did nothing but take money from the club and chase fans away. His ethos was not to encourage new fans but simply to try and squeeze even more out the diminishing loyal fan base. I genuinely hoped under Jim Mann the whole ethos would change……so far the evidence tells me nothing has changed. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> The English Premiership is now under way and I caught one wee snippet that brought a smile to my ugly mug. Only two players have scored against Chelsea, Man City, Arsenal and Man Utd in each of the last two seasons. One is Swansea striker Gomis and the other is Stewarton’s most famous son Steven Naismith. The wee man is hugely popular and is now a vital player in the national squad…….well played wee man and come back to Killie any time you feel homesick, before October would be good!! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It’s good to hear my mate Tetley and his mates are trying to get a bus running from the Kadikoi to away games. Give the bus your support, call the Kadi on 01563 534196 to book a seat

SOUNDS LIKE THE PERFECT NIGHT

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> WIN A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE I have absolutely no idea how we managed to reach 150 issues but the one certainty is that we could never have done it without the support of you Killie fans…..many thanks again.

To commemorate this big number we are giving away a bottle of champagne to one of you loyal punters. To have a chance of winning just submit your favourite Killie pic/photo and we will choose the best. It can be a Killie goal, a Killie fans pic or a photo of a Killie strip abroad….anything Killie related. E mail it to killiehippo@aol.com or post it on twitter @killiehippo using #champagne……..to reach us by 7th September.

BASHING THE BOOKIES AGAIN If you read the issue at the end of last season you may have read us blowing our own trumpet as we got four out of four in the Scottish leagues last year. Needless to say we didn’t have a penny on it, if we had put money on all our selections over the years we would have been sitting outside Marks + Spencers selling papers and talking to our mate, the church mouse.

If you haven’t seen this before we run through all the leagues north and south of the border and suggest a bet in each division.

We don’t always like going with the obvious selections e.g. the can of Mr Sheen will remain unopened at Scumerset Park. On that very subject I just read a wee story about poor old Parma who have went out the game and in an attempt to raise some cash to get back up and running they are selling off all their trophies. Ian McCall was last seen at Prestwick airport asking if Ryanair have any flights to Italy!

I did notice that before a ball was kicked many Killie fans were suffering with a severe bout of “close season optimism-itis” and were placing some ambitious bets e.g. Killie to finish top six, Boyd to score 20+ goals. I dearly hope they are all collecting come May and if Boydy scores 20 then we may well finish top six but I wouldn’t be tapping on the strength of it.

Anyway here goes at predicting what is going to happen, perhaps some of you may fancy a dabble at our own manager in the “sack race” market:

SCOTTISH PREMIERSHIP Incredibly Celtic are slight faves this time around….personally I wouldn’t mind a tenner on John Collins winning the Dick of the Year award. The scummy lot are about 1/33 followed by Aberdeen at about 25/1 and for the lunatics out there with more money than sense you can bet super Killie at 2500/1.

Like we did last year we will look at other markets that will give a bit of value. For the first time in many years Killie are faves to be relegated currently around 9/4 with Ross co at about 4/1 and Hamilton, Motherwell and Partick all close behind at around 5/1 or 6/1. That’s pretty depressing to think about and I will steer clear but Thistle at 5’s may be the value.

The markets of interest are betting without Celtic and top scorer. Aberdeen are 8/13 to win without the “one tooth” brigade so maybe Hearts at 3/1 are the value. However our recommendation is that half man/half alien Leigh Griffiths is value at 3/1 for top scorer if he can stay out Barlinnie

HIPPO TIP – L.GRIFFITHS TOP SPFL SCORER @ 3/1 SCOTTISH CHAMPIONSHIP We generally assume that Sevco will have another financial collapse and tip someone else to win but in all fairness I can see them winning it easily this season. They did well to get Warburton as manager as it lets us make infantile jokes about running out of dough, the boss making a bloomer or Scott Allan éclair(ing) his love for the doughnuts across the city. Enough, they are about ¼ to win with Hibs at 4/1 and the others at 20/1 or bigger so the recommendation is no bet here.

SCOTTISH 1ST DIVISION I think I may be losing my marbles but I’m going to tip a team managed by Alan Johnston. Dunfermline are reported to have a budget about three times of that of their rivals. It’s a bit of déjà vu for AJ who was in the same position with Queen of the South….probably why he got the job in the first place.

The Pars have been banging in plenty in the early weeks and if you are quick you may just get even money. Forfar, scum and Peterhead are next in the betting at anything between 6/1 and 8/1. The scum were gubbed 3-0 by Albion Rovers in the opening fixture and all three goals were scored by Killie lads….how satisfying.

I may live to regret this tip as it is AJ and the price is pretty restrictive but I just can’t see any other team who will be good enough to win it. It’s not a strong division and AJ may turn it into a rout like he did at Dumfries HIPPO TIP – PARS TO WIN LEAGUE AT EVENS SCOTTISH 2ND As usual I know hee haw about this league and it is as much guesswork as informed predictions. Clyde have been on a slippery slope in recent years and have Barry Ferguson in charge with Mark Roberts coaching……the anti dream team?? Amazingly they are faves at about 3/1 so the bookies must know something.

Stirling Albion are next but they have struggled and I’m going to take a punt on Queens Park in the hope that Gus McPherson can do us a turn.

HIPPO TIP – QUEENS PARK TO WIN LEAGUE @ 5/1

ENGLISH PREMIERSHIP Maybe they should just ask each club to show their assets and bank balance and the team with the most loot wins the title. As much as teams like Liverpool and Spurs try to make headway into the top four it looks like the top four is already known……..three of them at least.

Man Utd are trying to revive former glories and although they will be there or thereabouts I just don’t see them winning it.

Arsenal flatter to deceive every year and Wenger is only still there because his priorities are to the accountants and not the fans.

That leaves us Man City and Chelsea who look nailed on to fight it out again. I normally flip a coin and get the wrong answer so perhaps you should all bet Chelsea this year as I fancy City. The board have given Pellegrini an extended deal and perhaps that stability will be reflected by the team on the park.

HIPPO TIP – MAN CITY TO WIN @ 15/8 CHAMPIONSHIP The hardest league in the world to predict and there is a fair chance my tip wont finish in the top 10. Burnley (16/1) interest me only because I like their manager Sean Dyche who they managed to hold onto. Middlesborough are 7/2 faves and it may well be their turn but that price is too short for me.

Hull will be keen to get straight back but I reckon Wolves are av team on the up and at 12/1 they offer good each way value HIPPO TIP – WOLVES EACH WAY @12/1

ENGLISH 1ST I know Sheff Utd are a big club and were looking to get up last year but I was still a bit surprised that they have punted Nigel Clough. It is one of those situations that I feel if they had shown some loyalty they would have been rewarded. They are 7/2 qnd should go close as I feel this league isn’t as strong as recent years.

Wigan at 7/1 must have a shout but they are a bit down in the dumps whilst Blackpool (with the English MJ in charge) are more likely to keep plummeting down to League 2. Coventry are a team on the up maybe at I did give them a though tat 10/1. However I am going to let my heart rule my head and go for the mighty Rochdale at 20/1. They have a cracking manager and they were up there for a long time last season…….UP THE DALE HIPPO TIP – ROCHDALE E/WAY AT 20/1 ENGLISH 2ND Another very competitive league with any amount of clubs capable of winning it. Portsmouth (3/1 faves) are now stabilized in fan ownership and I expect to see them up there but they are too short to bet. I tipped Luton last year having just came up, they may well do better this time around.

Northampton are of interest as they seem to be another improving team. However my money would be on Orient who have been in a bit of turmoil off the park but seem to have settled down at last.

HIPPO TIP – L.ORIENT E/WAY AT 10/1

SPL 1/8/15 KILLIE 0 V 4 DEES DICK OF THE DAY – THE WHOLE WORLD You will see we have covered the whole opening day shambles in another article so we will keep it brief. This was one of those days that anything that could go wrong did go wrong.

For a brief time last year I thought our religious loonie with the microphone was bringing some divine intervention however after this game he can go forth and multiply. The board made a complete Horlicks of the ticketing and have cost the club a lot of money by pissing off fans who wont be back any time soon. The players/management were awful and were shown up by a team who knocked the ball about well and knew what we were doing.

The award could go to any of the above but its perhaps easier to just give the gong to the whole world. As I walked out the East Stand after the game it felt the whole world as against us so the whole world gets the statuette for the mantelpiece!! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

SPL 9/8/15

DONS 2 V 0 KILLIE

DICK OF THE DAY– MARMARIS KEBAB SHOP It would be safe to say I was in shock all week after the complete capitulation against Dundee. This was not a game that many Killie fans were looking forward to although the fact they had just been knocked out Europe maybe meant we were getting them at a good time.

Fair play to the Howard troops who turned out in good numbers and I had taken the Monday off in anticipation of a “lively” day…….I wasn’t disappointed! We set off at 10am and as the good folk were heading into church we were heading into Stirling services as our liquid brekkie was already having an effect.

Our performance was not dissimilar to the Dundee game in that we created no chances and the dons keeper could have joined the Laigh Kirk congregation if he had really wanted. I should have gone straight home on our return to Killie but the waft from the kebab shop and I opted for traditional Scottish fare…..a donner pizza. I blame the kebab shop for my “Monday morning fear”.

SPL 12/8/15 KILLIE 2 V 2 FUDS DICK OF THE DAY – JOHN COLLINS After two games in which we had created absolutely nothing it was fair to say I was less than confident about facing up to this mob. The general opinion was that we would settle for a performance that gave us a bit of hope for the rest of the season, regardless of the result.

The last thing in the world we needed was to concede an early goal and that was exactly what happened. At that stage I would have given 100/1 about Killie getting anything out the game. McDonald proceeded to keep us in the game with some outstanding saves but as the half went on we slowly grew into it.

Magennis missed a sitter before dragging us level before half time. There was an attitude that had been missing so far and all of a sudden the fans were sensing a result.

They scored a beauty midway through the second half and I feared all the effort we had expended would leave us punchless as time wore on. Thankfully we kept going for the full 90 minutes and Higginbotham’s audacious penalty equalizer will live in the memory for a very long time. It felt like a victory as we marched down to the Howard for a post match beer. The DOTD award was easy, just check the back page of this issue for his Dick of the Year nomination.

SPL 15/8/15 JAGS 2 V 2 KILLIES DICK OF THE DAY – HIPPO We headed to Glasgow with a hint of confidence after our excellent midweek show but again our enthusiasm was quickly killed as we were total pants for the opening half hour.

Much like the Dundee and Celtic games we were totally on the back foot and the keeper again played a vital role in keeping us in the game. Just like midweek we fell behind for the second time although this time it was against a ten man Thistle. Boydy saved the day and our best hope for a half decent season is still probably if the big man hits a rich vein of goalscoring form. I’m not sure if it was a point gained or two lost but there still needs to be huge improvement. I awarded myself the DOTD for spending a totally booze free weekend….I’m ashamed of myself.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW? We like to keep tabs on our old personnel to see how their careers are progressing or in many cases tumbling towards oblivion….or Scumerset. One ex player that has brought a smile to my face is Willie Gibson…..he didn’t do that much at RP. Hving dropped down to non league football he returned to stranraer and has now landed with his old gaffer at Dumbarton. The Sons have started superbly with wins against Hibs and St Mirren with WG scoring in both games.

Alex Pursehouse was a player Kenny Shiels brought up from the Tranmere youth academy but it didn’t work out and he was released. He played briefly for Brechin before heading back to non league football in England. He is currently starring for Bradford Park Avenue in the National League…..one tier below the conference.

Sean Clohessy was with Arsenal as a youth and spent only a year at Killie. He mainly played full back but didn’t really establish the role on his own and it was no real surprise when he left. He played with Colchester beside Ben Gordon for a year before leaving for Layton Orient in the summer.

Ben Gordon looked a cracking prospect when he came on loan from Chelsea but he seems to have gone back the way. He wasn’t the same player during his second spell at Killie but at least he won a League Cup winners medal. He also went down to play at Colchester but has been released and is currently without a club.

Finally, well done to Ross Davidson at Albion Rovers who recently bagged a goal against the scum…..YNTTK.

CHASING THE FANS AWAY We are now entering the third week of the new SPFL season and despite an excellent performance against Celtic last night, it is fair to say, up until that point, the new season seemed to be one of dismal performance preceded by an optimistic preseason. Our start to the campaign can be likened to our new chairman Jim Mann, as many would argue the start to his reign was one of promise but is now dwindling.

The signings of Kris Boyd and Kallum Higginbotham appeared to be the picks of the bunch among most fans as we hoped to push for a place in the top half of the table –last achieved under Mixu and Kenny in 2011. After being taught a real footballing (and tactical) lesson by Paul Hartley’s Dundee side, then an absolute spineless performance at Pittodrie, both games only having one shot on target between them, it’s fair to say the feel good factor has vanished from Rugby Park.

However the typical, promising, ‘feel good factor’ has been sucked out of me: not only from the pitiful start to our league campaign, but for further off field matters, which quite frankly (and unfortunately), we have become accustomed to.

Allow me to explain my recent predicament: one that unfortunately has not been an isolated incident considering the response on social media.

Annually, I attend the Park Suite to celebrate my birthday at my beloved club. This would have been the fourth year in a row. Every year I bring a big party: in 2012 I brought 18, in 2013 I brought 27, in 2014 the number rose to 38 and this year I had 50+ names down to attend the Motherwell game on the 31st of October.

The hospitality even goes hand in hand with my birthday, and it is held in regard as one of the best days of the year where family and friends come together as they would at Christmas and New Year.

Towards the end of June I emailed Anne Clark –whom I always deal with for hospitality-and she was delighted to hear my party was coming back and had given me the discounted price of every other year, which was £90p/p.

However, about a month later I was tied in negotiations with the club after I was told by Anne that she was leaving her role at Kilmarnock –I’d like to add that she will be sorely missed and that she is held in high regard amongst my family and party-, and also that prices were set rise to rise to £110 +VAT. The new marketing team gave us a ‘discount’ of £10 p/p off the new prices which actually worked out at an extra £30 a head for my party, making the price for matchday hospitality at Rugby Park £120 p/p – including discount!

This was a price which infuriated my party as we couldn’t fathom why an extra £30 a head was an acceptable price, especially with no extra features for the matchday experience.

To me, this is pricing ordinary people out of the hospitality experience. My party is not made up of businessmen and bankers...it’s made up of students, apprentices, and tradesmen –some of whom can’t afford the ridiculous increase in price, and unsurprisingly, we decided to knock back the club’s offer.

Some ball park figures now –over the last three years, on hospitality alone, we have brought over £8k to the club. This includes the last three ‘big dates’ as well as a few one off dates with just two or three members. These figures don’t include the revenue accumulated from the Sports Bar which I would say would be in the region of £2k –at the very least.

This year the club will be losing out on £4.5k on hospitality income, and towards the region of £6k –when taking into account the 50 bodies which will be crammed into the Sports Bar before and after the game. The most baffling concept about this whole scenario is the club have showed no fight to keep our custom, as if they don’t need the money.

From my memory last year I can recall the Park Suite being close to full on only two or three occasions. These include the Dundee game in November when 38 of us attended- and also the St. Mirren game in March, when a party of 77 attended the Park Suite. I know a few members of the party and they have informed me, that despite intending to do it again, they won’t be in attendance –purely because of the radical price increase.

These actions will not just damage the club in the short term, but also in the long term.

I have decided that I will not be renewing my season ticket, along with around 10 other members of my party. There are also a few members who were intending to get a season ticket but have now decided against it.

I wish not to isolate myself from fans as I am not the only lifelong supporter, or the only lad who has been screwed over by nonsense organisation (lest we forget the Dundee game with queuing fans unable to get into the game 20 minutes after kick off), but rather that I wish to project the annoyance we are all experiencing from such amateur service from our much loved – PROFESSIONAL- club.

There is an expectation amongst the fans –for years now- that the club will make a mess of any given situation –regardless of how simple the task at hand is. I’m just not renewing my season ticket, I will still be back at Rugby Park, but there are some fans that have had enough, and won’t be back –it’s only a matter of time before more follow suit.

The club must aim to bring back lapsed fans but I fear we will lose a hell of a lot more before we attract any back.

KillieCal Hippo says – I remember backing the day when Bobby Fleeting etc brought in the match day hospitality as we know it now. It was a fantastic match day experience and something totally different where folk had a great day, we were entertained, fed, watered and went home with a stagger and a smile.

Fast forward 25 years and there has been no great attempt to change it in any positive way. The only changes I can see are that the entertainment is not as good, you get less time to drink and perhaps most importantly the bulk of the money will go to the parasites and not the club.

We have brought in a new marketing department who so far in my eyes have failed miserably. It seems their solution to attracting more folk to hospitality is to stick up the prices….with nothing new in the whole experience.

Killiecal is not alone in turning his back on this overpriced package and I expect to see it sitting empty apart from when its full of “freebies”.

The Celtic game should see the hospitality seats brimming full, well I counted about 25 folk….tells you all that you need to know.

DICK OF THE YEAR?