Hippo 170

KILLIE HIPPO AN UNOFFICIAL KILLIE FANZINE ISSUE NO.170

WELCOME BACK GREG ·

TRUST IN KILLIE

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ONWARDS + UPWARDS

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DRAGO’S LAST NIGHT…… £2.00

THE KILLIE HIPPO IS ON SALE AT HOWARD ARMS, GLENCAIRN SQUARE, KILMARNOCK FOG’S SNACK BAR, ANNANDALE IND. ESTATE, KILMARNOCK KA1 2RS KILLIE TRUST DESK (AVOID PARK HOTEL FOR HOME GAMES) MATCH DAYS AT RP + AT ALL AWAY GAMES HUGE THANKS TO ALL ADVERTISERS, SUBSCRIBERS, DISTRIBUTORS AND KILLIE FANS FOR THEIR SUPPORT.

All views expressed are those of the contributors.

E-MAIL : Killiehippo@aol.com WRITE : 20 WITCHKNOWE COURT, KILMARNOCK KA1 4LF NO ARTICLES TO BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT PERMISSION BACK ISSUES 2–169 INCLUSIVE AVAILABLE GET IN TOUCH FOR DETAILS

SHOOTING FROM THE HIPPO Greetings my fellow Killie lovers and welcome to the penultimate issue of another nerve wracking season. Most of you will buy this at the Hearts game, the final match before the split, and a win would go a long way to easing any fears of getting dragged once more into the relegation mire. We will then have a free week before facing Hamilton, Inverness, Ross County, Dundee and Motherwell hopefully three of which should be at home.

We must be the most unstable club in the top divison with a fractured boardroom, no chairman for a year and no permanent manager since Lee Clark bolted down south at the first available opportunity. In those circumstances credit must be given to the management and players who have focused on the matter in hand and built a wee gap over the teams below us, a gap that will hopefully not be bridged in the coming month.

The management situation is a bit strange as absolutely nothing appears to be happening in recent weeks. Lee McCulloch has done ok and has provided continuity and stability that was required after Clark’s departure. It was noticeable that he bumped all the previous manager’s gimmicks like training times and “the big freezer”, if you need to freeze in Scotland just stand out in your back garden!

McCulloch seems evasive when asked about the possibility of taking on the job on a permanent basis. He conducts himself well with the press and seems to have a decent relationship with the squad but he doesn’t appear convinced that the job is for him. From what I can tell the fans are a bit non-plussed, if he gets it fair enough however surely we should be advertising the job and checking out a full range of candidates, there will be plenty out there. As things stand it seems to suit everyone if McCulloch stays in charge until the end of the season then we will eventually make a decision.

Off the field you will see this issue is dominated by the Trust in Killie initiative and we urge every single fan to sign up and help secure some long term stability for Scotland’s oldest professional club. We will finally get a Trust representative on the board however it is vital that we all stick together and move forward as one on this. There is a comprehensive “FAQ” section in this issue that will explain all you need to know about this fantastic opportunity for Killie fans to make a difference. It goes without saying that we will back the scheme as much as possible and please let us know if you have any queries that are not covered in this issue.

Sandy

TRUST IN KILLIE – OUR TIME IS NOW When we helped start the Killie Trust in 2003 we were very much realistic about the rocky waters that lay ahead. We have written endless articles about why all Killie fans need to get involved but now is the time for each and every fan to step up to the plate.

Here is the Killie Trust press release from last week Killie supporters can help make history next week by backing a campaign to have a fan-elected Director join the board of Kilmarnock FC. ‘Trust in Killie’ will be launched at the club’s Good Friday (14/4/17) match against Hearts. Organised by the Kilmarnock Supporters Society (also known as The Killie Trust), the campaign aims to raise £100,000 to purchase unallocated shares in the club.

It follows an agreement made last year with Kilmarnock FC’s b oard which would see a Supporters Society representa ve take a seat on the club’s Board of Directors. As well as giving fans a real voice in the opera onal running of the club, the elected Supporter Director will ensure there is a meaningful link between the board and fans, whilst providing a stepping stone towards greater community ownership.

Now, with due diligence completed and with the full support of the club, the Trust in Killie campaign will be launched at Rugby Park next Friday.

Jim Thomson, Chairman of the Killie Trust and John Kil e, Director of Kilmarnock FC, will be joined by ex-players at the Sports Bar to get the 'Trust in Killie' campaign officially underway.

Fans will be able to sign up for Standard (£15 per month), Plus (£25 per month) or Premium (one off contribu on, limited to 20 contributors) packages, with benefits ranging from their name on the Trust in Killie history board, to entry into prize draws for ‘money can’t buy’ memorabilia. Once the £100,000 is raised, the cash will be invested into the club through the purchase of unallocated shares, and the Killie Trust will take a seat on the Board. This will be filled by a Supporter Director elected by members of the society.

Jim Thomson said: “A er many years hard work, much nego a on and considerable due diligence, the Kilmarnock Supporters Society is delighted to finally be launching our fundraising campaign for a seat on the Board of Directors. This is an historic opportunity to affect meaningful change in the club we all love and care passionately about, to re-energise the supporter community, and to safeguard the future of the oldest professional club in Scotland.

We’ll also be unveiling details of our Trust in Killie History Board which will carry the names of the first fans to sign up for the campaign.”

A spokesman of Kilmarnock FC, added: “The Board of Kilmarnock Football Club have been working with The Killie Trust to help shape 'Trust in Killie' and are delighted to support this ini a ve. The inclusion of a Supporter Director on the football club board is an exci ng prospect for us, the supporters and community.”

Date: Friday 14th April 2016 Time: 6:30pm Place: Sports Bar, Rugby Park The launch will be a ended by: • Jim Thomson - Chairman, Killie Trust • Andrew Millar - Secretary, Killie Trust • Peter Telfer - Board Member, Killie Trust • Garry Hay - Ex-Player • Gary Holt - Ex-Player • John Bourke - Ex-Player • John Kil e - Director, Kilmarnock Football Club • Billy Bowie - Director, Kilmarnock Football Club

What does the Killie Trust do?

The Killie Trust aims to promote, develop and support Kilmarnock Football Club and sport within the community. Any business or projects carried out by the Trust will be conducted for the beneďŹ t of the Community and not for the proďŹ t of its members.

What is the make up of the Killie Trust?

The Trust is run by a Board of 10 directors on behalf of its members. They serve for a three year term and are elected at the AGM by Trust members.

The current Directors have a wide range of skills and experience and are employed in the Public, Private and Voluntary Sectors.

The Initiative What is Trust in Killie (TiK)?

Trust in Killie is an initiative by the Trust - fully supported by the Board of Kilmarnock Football Club - to initially purchase 100,000 newly issued shares. This will result in a democratically elected Supporter Director becoming a full board member of Kilmarnock Football Club.

TiK aims to work with the club in a constructive manner to ensure that KFC not only survives but thrives in the future. The Trust wants to get involved with our Club in a truly meaningful manner. A full directorship provides that platform.

What is the KFC board view on the Trust in Killie initiative?

The Killie Trust has been negotiating with the KFC board for a number of years now and they are fully supportive of our initiative and recognise that this is a sensible direction to move in. TiK would welcome any investment to the club and an increased, effective board is something we all would welcome.

TiK does, however, ensure that there is someone who has a meaningful and trusted relationship with the fans and the club. An important element presently missing.

How much will I need to contribute?

We want everyone to participate and contribute once a month to this initiative. We have set up 2 bands for regular contribution: • Standard £15 • Plus £25 There is also an opportunity for individuals or businesses to make a larger, one off contribution: • Premium £3,000 (limited to 20 contributors) As an example, if we were to achieve 334 Killie supporters contributing £25 every month we will reach our initial target within a year.

How will my contributions be spent?

Initially all the contributions will go toward our target of purchasing 100,000 unallocated (new) shares. Once this has been achieved we will continue to purchase shares on a regular basis. By purchasing unallocated shares we can ensure that the monies raised benefit the football club.

How much do we need to raise / is there a minimum number of members we need?

Initially we need to raise £100,000 in order to purchase the shares required to have an elected supporter on the board. We would like to achieve this as quickly as possible so the more people that participate, the quicker we reach our target.

Do I need to be a Trust member to support TiK? You do not need to be a Trust member to participate, but by joining the Trust you will have a say in who represents you on the board and be able to take part in any votes to decide on the future direction of the Trust as well as how any funds will be spent.

How can I join the Trust?

Go to the Killie Trust website sign up page HERE and use our GoCardless system to pay your membership.

How will my contact and bank details be protected?

We are making use of a system called GoCardless which processes all the transactions and stores only the information required. GoCardless is a BACS-approved bureau therefore your data and your money are completely safe and secure. The funds are held in a dedicated business account with the Bank of Scotland and are ring fenced. Payments are also subject to a Direct Debit Guarantee, offering you complete peace of mind. The Trust bank account is controlled solely by responsible individuals, nominated by the board. Control and audit mechanisms are in place and are presented to the members on an annual basis for agreement at our AGM. How can I change my contact / bank details?

Contact GoCardless on 020 7183 8674 Will I become a shareholder in Kilmarnock FC if I join TiK? No, any shares purchased will be held in the name of the Trust who will hold those shares for the beneďŹ t of all supporters and the community. Trust members are shareholders in the Trust and as such will be in control of our club shareholding via the Trust Board.

Do I have to commit for a set period of time or can I stop contributing at any time?

We would want contributors to participate for as long as possible. This initiative is about safeguarding the club for future generations and strengthening supporter representation where it really matters. Continued contributions will ensure that we continue to grow our stake in the football club on an ongoing basis.

What benefits will TiK have for the fans / what influence will they have?

The most important reward we achieve through our continued contribution to TiK is having our voice heard at the decision making table. Nothing beats that! However, as further reward, the Trust in conjunction with the Club, will put together a rewards scheme based on an individual's financial input via the 3 band structure over a 12 month period. If contributors are also members of the Trust, they will be able to participate in elections to either stand for the Trust Board or the post of the Supporter Director (if they meet the criteria) or vote in any elections, funding decisions or the future direction of the Trust organised by the Trust Board.

Can I pay in more or less than the advertised bands?

Only those who contribute to the bands on a monthly basis will be eligible for any rewards or prize draws. However, one off donations are possible, please contact the Administrator for information and advice on how you can support ‘Trust in Killie’ at a manageable level for you.

How will this make a difference to how the Club is currently being run?

This initiative aims to safeguard the long-term future of the Club for generations to come. Whoever is nominated as the Supporter Director will bring their own skills, experience and knowledge to enhance the Club Board.

Is the aim 100% fan ownership?

The long term aim of the Trust is not 100% fan ownership. We believe that our club should be fan owned but not fan run. For our Club to be truly integrated into the community it must have a mixture of supporters and local stakeholders involved in the club’s ownership. Our long term goal is to own 50% + 1 of our Club’s shares to put it in the hands of the people who care for it the most and safeguard our Club for future generations. We want our club to be run by the right mix of local people who have the love of the Club and the local community as the sole reason for their involvement, where every penny of profit is reinvested.

Supporter Director How will the Supporter Director be chosen / do they need any special qualifications?

Initially the Supporter Director will be appointed by the Trust Board. In the longer term, they will be elected at the Trust AGM by members. It is envisioned that the Supporter Director will be a member of the Trust, have completed any training courses deemed necessary, meet the requirements of the person specification and be someone who can add real value to the club and therefore the fans.

What responsibilities / rights will the Supporter Director have?

The Supporter Director will have the same rights and responsibilities as other directors on the Club Board and will be bound by the Code of Conduct for Directors. Their responsibilities are to represent a body of people rather than themselves as an individual. Therefore, the Supporter Director will be required to act professionally with the current board, the people they represent and have the club's interests at heart rather than their personal interests.

How will the Supporter Director communicate with fans?

The Supporter Director will have regular meetings during the season with the members of the Trust and will attend all Trust Board meetings. Any board member of any company is bound to act with the required professionalism and respect matters which are sensitive / confidential. In a similar vein, the Supporter Director will have to respect the confidentiality of Trust matters. It works both ways.

How will their performance be measured?

The director’s performance will be assessed every year to ensure it is meeting the objectives that have been set by the membership. The Supporter Director will have to report to the Trust AGM every year, where they will be eligible for re-election.

HIPPO SAYS – HOPEFULLY THAT FULLY COVERS ALL YOUR QUESTIONS IN RELATION TO THIS HISTORIC INITIATIVE. OUR CLUB HAS BEEN RUN LIKE A RANK BAD PUB LEAGUE TEAM EVER SINCE JOHNSTON WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR AND THE ONLY WAY TO ENSURE A STABLE LONG TERM F UTURE IS TO INVOLVE PEOPLE WITH A GENUINE LOVE FOR THE CLUB. THERE ARE EXAMPLES ALL OVER THE FOOTBALLING WORLD THESE DAYS OF FANS TAKING A MUCH MORE HANDS ON ROLE, USUALLY HAVING TO CLEAN UP THE MESS MADE BY SO CALLED BUSINESSMEN. OF COURSE THE TRUST ARE LOOKING TO WORK WITH EVERYONE AS THEY MOVE FORWARD AND THE INTEREST SHOWN BY SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS FOLK TO GET INVOLVED IS VERY ENCOURAGING.FANS ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR WAYS TO HELP OUR FAMOUS OLD CLUB, WELL NOW IS THE TIME FOR EVERY SINGLE FAN, WITH KILLIE AT HEART, TO SIGN UP TO THE TRUST AND SIGN UP TO “TRUST IN KILLIE” TO HELP PROVIDE A CONSTANT AND RELIABLE SOURCE OF INCOME FOR MANY YEARS TO COME.

BIZARRE FITBA STORIES…..NO.1 We are always trawling t’internet to find some amusing fitba tales and we stumbled across some of the stranger stories from the beautiful game. We have chucked a few in this issue and will maybe do the same in issue 171 which will be the last this season. Here goes: Arsenal played a friendly against Dynamo Moscow in heavy fog in 1945 at White Hart Lane and despite the urging of players to suspend play due to the fog, the referee decided that play should continue.

The fog was so thick that the game turned into an absolute farce, with both sides playing by their own set of rules and suffering their own bad luck because of the inclement weather.

Moscow at one point made a substitution but didn't take a player off, with fans watching the match believing that the Russian club had up to 15 players on the pitch at the one time.Arsenal also made the best of the conditions, with one of their players—who had earlier been sent off—sneaking back onto the pitch and playing the remainder of the game.

However, they did suffer some bad luck, with their goalkeeper knocking himself out cold after running into the goalpost, which of course, he could not see due to the fog. A spectator reportedly took his place in goals and the match continued.

BIZARRE FITBA STORIES…..NO.2 From one incredible finish to another, Charlton Athletic's 1957/58 clash against Huddersfield Town in the Football League Second Division will surely go down as one of the most remarkable matches ever and one that must be looked at here.

Played in December 1957, Charlton were reduced to 10 men after 27 minutes after captain Derek Ulton had to be taken to hospital due to a dislocated shoulder. Substitutions were not allowed at the time, and almost immediately, Huddersfield took a 1-0 lead through Les Massie.

Huddersfield would continue to build on their lead with two goals to Alex Bain, one to Bill McGarry and one to Bob Ledger—holding a commanding 5-1 lead over the home side with 27 minutes remaining in the match before something truly remarkable happened.

Johnny Summers and Johnny "Buck" Ryan scored a goal apiece for Charlton in the space of two minutes to reduce the margin to 5-3.

Summers then scored at the 73rd and 78th minute—tying the game at five goals all before netting his fifth goal of the night in the 81st minute to give Charlton a 6-5 lead.

With barely any of the home crowd remaining having all left when their team was down 5-1 with 10 men, visiting Huddersfield drew level again at six-all with five minutes to play before a final -second header by Ryan gave Charlton a remarkable 7-6 victory.From 5-1 down with 27 minutes remaining and already down to 10 men, Charlton had fought their way back into the winners' circle and had recorded arguably the greatest comeback in history in the process— leaving then Huddersfield manager Bill Shankly speechless.

DRAGOJE LEKOVIC’S LAST NIGHT IN KILLIE I think it was January ’98 the news came through that big Drago was moving to Spor ng Gijon in Spain. A er the match that day we decided that we were going to take him some gi s to thank him for his me at Killie. One of the lassies had heard he stayed at the tap end of the toon so we searched the phone book when we got back to the pub and sure enough there it was D.Lekovic and his address (there surely couldn't be any other D.Lekovic’s that stayed up the tap of the toon) bingo we were in.

So we went home to get changed and it was all aboard Aileen's Metro, first stop Tesco for some good luck cards, a nice bo le of wine for him, flowers for his wife and teddys for the weans all bases covered what could possibly go wrong?

We found his house and I was nominated to chap the door and do the talking (I had a good drink in me anyway so I wasn't fussed).A young lassie answered the door and said that Drago and his wife were away out for a meal with Gordon Petric who played with the currant buns at the me,we said that's fine we will just come back tomorrow but the babysi er explained that they were leaving first thi ng in the morning and ge ng their stuff moved over later .Instead of doing the sensible thing and just leaving the gi s with the babysi er for them we decided we would just wait in the car ll he came home.

A er all it doesn't take that long to have a meal does it?

This is where things start ge ng a bit hazy from here as while we were si ng wai ng in the car I was drinking the duty free citrus vodka that Vicki had brought home from her holidays and ge ng drunker and drunker but John Leslie aka Hairy coo says we were wai ng for hours and there was a lot of curtain twitching from big Drago’s neighbours at the wee red metro with four young yins in it parked oot on the street.

Anyway by the me Drago and his wife came home I was passed out in the back of the motor,the others weren't wan ng to go to the door they were sober and they couldn't wake me up to send me.A er about five minutes or so Drago came out himself to meet them and it was all good they thanked him for his me at Killie.

At last me to go home or at least it would be if the ba ery wasn't dead,we had been si ng with the radio on and it drained the ba ery.We never had jump leads or anything.

All this me I'm s ll sparkled in the back of the car oblivious to everything. Someone plucked up the courage to go back to Drago’s door to ask him if he had jump leads, he never but said he’d give us a push.

So Drago, John and Vicki are pushing the wee Metro Aileen is trying to bump start it and I'm snoring my head off in the back. Aileen hadn't long passed her test and could bump start it so Drago said he would try, he is ge ng in and said “ah your friend is he red?” Haha naw friend is pissed on duty free.

A er a wee while they got the car started and we were on our way home thanks to big Drago. I o en wonder what would have happened if I had woke up while he was in the car trying to start it, my confused face would have been a picture!

Paddy Lennon HIPPO SAYS – SUPERB STORY PADDY AND I’M SURE ALL KILLIE FANS HAVE NOTHING BUT GREAT MEMORIES ABOUT BIG DRAGO!!

ONWARDS AND UPWARDS (Writes Killie Cal) A win tonight (Hearts) in my opinion will virtually see us regain our 24-year top flight status and start to see the club plan for next season.

Step one of this plan will be to appoint a manager, most likely to be Lee McCulloch.

I have stressed before that the club should be in no rush to appoint the new manager as we have seen this backfire in the past – look no further than now Cowdenbeath manager Gary Locke.

However, with three losses in our last eight – two of these coming against Aberdeen and Cel c – there is no ques on McCulloch appears to have solidified the team.

Saying that, I don’t think our defence has improved dras cally – given that we have taken the lead in five of these fixtures yet only won two but we do seem a hell of a lot harder to beat since Jig has taken the reigns.

This season’s Top Six has just been one step too far and Par ck Thistle have thoroughly deserved their highest league finish in more than 30 years – but a er recent seasons, very few Killie fans will be disappointed with a ‘comfortable’ 7 th or 8th finish this year.

Don’t get me wrong, of course it is s ll possible for us to be dragged into relega on trouble but given our record against teams in and around us this season we don’t seem to lose these games. In fact, we have only lost to Motherwell and Ross County in the league from the ‘Bo om Seven’ this season and two of these defeats came in August.

But we are Killie a er all and like to do things the hard way, but in wri ng this piece I find it very hard to envisage us occupying any of the bo om two places in the division come May. With my assump on that McCulloch will get the gig on a permanent basis, the next step is recruitment.

In last week’s papers linking us with a move for Kirk Broadfoot, some Killie fans have been scep cal about these rumours.

However, despite us having a rebuilding job in the summer, before looking afar we should start looking right on our doorstep – star ng with Jordan Jones and Gary Dicker.

The pair have been standouts since the winter break with Jones coming more to life under the stewardship of McCulloch.

Both these guys are out of contract in the summer and in my opinion, we should be doing anything we can to keep them at Rugby Park beyond May. Dicker is a player who I have cri cised in the past but have always believed he has offered something. The Ross County home game at the end of January was the real turning point for me. A leader on the park and someone who gets what the club is all about.

We have seen him fill in at centre half when needed and his performance levels have never dropped. For me, it is essen al he pulls on a Killie strip next season as his experience is invaluable both on and off the park.

Jones on the other hand, is maybe one who will split the support. He’s a player I have always believed in but concede he can be extremely frustra ng. I hate to use the following statement but I believe it to b e useful here; ‘If Jordan Jones was the finished ar cle he would NEVER be at Kilmarnock.’

A player who can cause all sorts of teams problems but some mes is lacking in his final ball. However, I have already seen vast improvements in

this side of his games in recent weeks. He is a player who appears to have matured tenfold since he first came into Rugby Park almost a year ago, and look no further than the club’s ‘Teammates’ videos online to see how popular a figure he appears to be inside the dressing room.

With a goal against Cel c last week backed up with some great performances since January I think we are now star ng to see the Jordan Jones we all hoped for.

Like Dicker, Jones must be signed up for next season as I think he could be a wanted man from two familiar faces. Firstly, it wouldn’t surprise me if Lee Clark was sniffing around both these players to take down to Bury next season. La erly, Jones may be on the radar of Aberdeen gaffer Derek McInnes who may have to replace one or two of Jonny Hayes and Niall McGinn in the summer.

Along with signing these guys up, we should be u lising the loan market effec vely by trying to lure Luke Hendrie and Kristof fer Ajer back to Rugby Park next season. Both these players have been mainstays in the defence this season and it is clear to see that Ajer in par cular could be a real class player in years to come.

I think it will be highly unlikely we will see any of the Newcastle boys here next season with Woodman and poten ally Longstaff securing loan deals in the English Championship – with the assump on Newcastle gain promo on. Sammon is player though who could be here next season and with three goals from le midfield/wing since signing and an assist against Cel c and County away he’s done alright – I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to keeping the Fish on a permanent basis.

If these guys can all be retained for next season, along with a fit Greg Kil e and a rejuvenated Kris Boyd, I truly believe Lee McCulloch is only a couple of players short of delivering a “team to be proud of” which a Mr Lee Clark promised us last May.

PET HATES You don't have to travel far to see and hear the moans and groans of football fans around the country and the Theatre of Lies is no different. I'm sure everyone knows some torn faced geezer in the East or Frank Beattie stands who seem to spend the entire 90 minutes whining at all and sundry. It's time to be honest though, we all have our pet hates and in my case it is normally petty and fairly meaningless things that get my hackles raised.

I received this wee e-mail from Big Gus who has a blood pressure surge whenever Killie win a throw in. here are the big man's thoughts: It can't just be me that notices a throw in to Killie, is almost always squandered.

We are given an opportunity to pick out one of our own players, yet fail to do so.

It may seem a trivial issue, but let's not give it away Now to the main culprit Greg Taylor, undoubtedly a player with ability, but why oh why does he take a huge chunk of our throw ins He dithers, has no upper body strength to get the ball ANY distance at all, inevitably it ends up back with the opposition.

I have never seen him pick out a team mate at any distance, today he even managed to throw it straight out of play!!!

Surely there are more capable candidates to take a shy for us We cannot afford to lose possession continually in this manner It must be playing on his mind to, so let's work on this, an pick someone that can at least make this the start of something positive I must confess to having a moan about our throw ins as well since we take an age and endlessly lose possession from them, the secret has to be get them taken immediately and don't let the opposition have time to get organised. Keep an eye on our throws in the upcoming ďŹ xtures and see if you sympathise with big Gus.

Anyway that has got me thinking, here's a wee list of my pet hates and yes I do know they all seem trivial and insignificant but they truly get on my man boobs: 1.

Let’s start with one that /I hear on a regular basis, why can’t we get a corner past the first man It seems to have been a problem since I was a young water horse floating down the River Irvine. I should balance that by saying McCulloch appears to have worked hard at trying to mix up our corners and the delivery from Jones in recent weeks has been much improved……I wonder how long it will last?

2.

Next on my list is something that has grated my chins for decades now, the short run up at a penalty kick!! Having watched the last few Euros and World Cups you can imagine the rage felt at Hippo Towers as some of the run ups are farcical. Call me old fashioned but get your boot through the ball from a decent run up, the keeper can’t save what he doesn’t see!

3.

Another stick on is incompetent officials although that is something that we see most weeks these days. To be more specific I detest it when linesmen/women clearly are terrified to make a decision so they keep the flag by their side, wait til the ref gives the decision then stick the flag up in agreement….I know where the flag should be stuck up!

4.

Another longstanding hate of mine is managers messing players about and playing them out of position. Our international team is famous for it and other than the odd success it is generally a confession from the manager that he doesn’t know what he is doing or else he is shoe horning a guy that he feels must play even if that means playing him anywhere. That could lead me on to Levein’s infamous night of no strikers in Czechoslovakia. I rather wouldn’t talk about that or I may just end up in A + E. 5.

My final pet hate is the so called TV pundits who tell you everything that is wrong with your team only even if they watch Killie just once a season. Here’s a suggestion, if you want decent analysis get a TV crew down to the Howard after a home game or better still get them on the Bullet’s minibus to Dingwall…..now that would be worth watching!!

BIZARRE FITBA STORIES NO.3 Time for some Danish football now and we pity local side Ebeltoft, who were robbed of a deserved draw when playing Norager in the domestic competition.

Norager were leading 4-3 with seconds remaining when Ebeltoft went on the attack. As they pressed forward, however, referee Henning Erikstrup went to blow the final whistle.

Only problem was that his false teeth fell out as he went to blow the whistle—meaning that no noise came out and play continued as normal. Ebeltoft scored to make it 4-4 by the time that Erikstrup found his false teeth and put them back into his mouth.

So, 4-4 right? Mmmm. Not so much.

Erikstrup disallowed the goal and blew the final whistle, handing Norager a 4-3 win. Ebeltoft protested the match immediately following the loss and took the result to the equivalent of what is the Football Association in Denmark, but their protests were denied.

Final score: Norager 4, Ebeltoft 3.

Hippo says – It’s good to hear that it’s not only scottish refs that are toothless!! Please send your dental related gags to the usual address.

BIZARRE FOOTBALL STORIES NO.4 Our final bizarre world football story is a personal favorite of mine and one that comes from the Madagascan football league—another league that some you might not have spend a vast majority of time in, though I can't for the life of me think why not.

Pretty much, all you need to know is that AS Adema beat Stade Olympique de L'Emyrne 149-0 and they did it without scoring a single goal of their own.In the second last week of the tournament, SOE had been held to a 2-2 draw

by DSA where a controversial late penalty decision had done away with SOE's 2-1 lead.

The draw squandered any chance that SOE had to beat AS Adema in the championship race, so in their following game, they decided to protest the harsh decision by scoring own goals. Repeatedly.149 of them.Spectators at the game say that SOE would kick the ball off and shoot it all the way back to their own goal, where their goalkeeper would watch it go in.

Following the match, the Madagascan Football Federation suspended the SOE coach Zaka Be for three years and four of the team's players until the end of the season. All the other players from both teams received an official warning for their involvement in the incident.

The result stands as not only one of the most stupid protests ever made in world football, but also the largest defeat in the history of professional football.

SPARE A THOUGHT FOR GARY HARKINS

AS OUR COUNTY COUSINS ONCE AGAIN PLUMMET TO THE BOTTOM OF THE LEAGUE SPARE A THOUGHT FOR THEIR STAR MAN GARY HARKINS. THE BIG MAN SEES COMFORT EATING AS THE ANSWER AS HE PADDLES DOWN THE FIRTH OF CLYDE IN HIS LUXURY ONE MAN CRUISER……THE JAPANESE WHALING FLEET ARE HOT ON HIS TAIL!