PLANNING, PARENTING, & A GRACIOUS GOD

PLANNING, PARENTING, AND A GRACIOUS GOD

BY WHITNEY TAUL

Look at those two babies, making vows and sealing a covenant with God and each other.

They had made big plans. He was going to be in ministry full time. She was going to finish her masters degree but ultimately wants to be a stay-at-home mom. They wanted four kids. They would raise them “in the way that they should go.” She would never let them wear character clothing because that didn’t fit the idea of her picture perfect family. You get it––they were naive.

If I could go back 11 years and give these two some advice I think I would say, “Check those expectations at the altar and get ready for a dose of reality!” But they would say, “Oh thank you, but we have this all figured out!” And I would roll my eyes.

It is so easy to be idealistic when you’re young. We thought we had control over that plan and path. Bless.

Our entire relationship has been a whirlwind. We dated for seven weeks and were engaged. We were married eight months later. Pregnant with our first child on our one year anniversary. Three kids in three years. Career changes, big moves, working mom, and all the character clothes. Those “plans” we had were a pipe dream, and I praise the Lord for that. His plan was better than anything I could have put together.

Three babies in three years. x- in our plan. I vividly remember telling Freddy I was pregnant with our third child and he kind of sunk into the couch in the way butter melts on pancakes. Don’t get me wrong, each baby was a cherished blessing but there were times in those early years that I wished myself out of motherhood altogether.

So much of the early years of parenting are a blur for me. Our kids are 15 months and 17 months apart (Lily 6, Sammy 7, and Abe 9). Those days were mostly about survival and praying for Sammy to give it up and sleep (which he never did and still does not. There was a period of time that all three were in diapers. ALL THREE OF THEM. And very little family discipleship was going on, that’s for sure. Many nights I prayed for the Lord to rescue me from parenting. I thought I wasn’t enough, I didn’t know what I was doing, and I felt so isolated and lonely in the daily mundane labors of motherhood.

When the kids were very young, Freddy was working upwards of 12 hour days landscaping to provide for us. Our parenting philosophy at that point was to survive with a sort of “tag you’re it” approach. We were young parents with young faith with a less than solid grasp on grace for each other or ourselves. With fizzling personal walks with the Lord, no sleep, no time, and no money, Freddy came to me one day with an idea that seemed ludacris at the time but has become one of our biggest blessings: he wanted to join the Army.

After my shock wore off, he sold me on the Army. Hello healthcare! At 28, he was getting a late start but we decided to go for it. He joined that Army National Guard in 2014, literally days before we found out I was pregnant with our third child (Lily). The boys were two years and six months old at the time. Freddy left for nearly a year of training with few short breaks in between. He was able to be home for Lily’s birth but had to return to training within days. He missed so many milestones and I know it was heart-wrenching for him. But though the Army has cost us time together, it has afforded us so many other opportunities and benefits (hello healthcare!). Today, Freddy is a captain in the Army National Guard, an accomplishment for which we are so proud and thankful.

Something routine that can be steered to biblical conversations is the approach that has blessed us the most. Like adding a story to a time when we are already together.

We came to Mars Hill in 2017 when the kids were two, four, and five.We were desperately thirsty for truth, and we had no idea how empty we were. A friendly and warm Mark Powell greeted us with a smile and a hug. The first of many men of grace to speak into our lives. We grew in grace and faith. For the first time, we were rooted in a community, a community that saw value in the family and discipleship. I think we would both say that’s when we began to pour into our kids in a biblical sense because that is the first time we were truly poured into.

We have always prioritized eating dinner together when possible. Even when the kids were barely eating solids, we sat together. When we decided to really become intentional with parenting moments, we started pulling out The Jesus Storybook Bible after dinner for one story. This didn’t and doesn’t happen every night. But the kids started to initiate pulling the bible off the shelf once the plates were cleared. They had us reading when we were tired or just really didn’t want to draw out a long day any further. They took on the routine and were engaged in it.

Something routine that can be steered to biblical conversations is the approach that has blessed us the most. Like adding a story to a time when we are already together. Fortunately, our kids are at an age where they come to us with any and all questions. It isn’t hard to get them chatting (especially Sammy). Some of our deepest and most spiritual conversations happen in the car on the way to school, or baseball, or taekwondo, or gymnastics (we drive a lot of places). But that is a time when we are already together! Usually those car rides look a lot like me as a Jeopardy contestant answering a question from every category known to man.

“What is 100 x 9 million?” “How big is the moon?” “Why is lava hot?” “Who was the tallest person on earth?” “Where is Antarctica?”

At times, it’s rapid fire from all three at once, but sometimes the questions are a great bridge to a deeper spiritual conversation.

“Can God hear everything?” “Is God really big?” “Can you see heaven from outer space?” “Why do people make bad choices anyways?”

I try to keep my answers short and easy because my moment of opportunity is only as long as it takes the next question to pop into their brains. I usually lead with the phrase “The Bible says ___.” I am no theologian, so short and easy is typically all I can manage anyways!

One morning on the way to school, Sammy (7) asked, “How do you get Jesus in your heart again?” This was right after a long interrogation about the size of the moon. It came so fast I was taken off guard and gave a sorry answer but made sure to include repentance. He sat quietly, and I assumed he was thinking up his next question. “OK, I did it,” he said. “You did what?” I replied. “I prayed the words you said and asked Jesus into my heart.”

Tears in my eyes, I nearly ran off the road! I was elated for him, I celebrated his decision and boldness! I told him how proud I was and tried to explain more of what this meant AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?!

“OK, yeah, so how many moons can fit in the sun?”

Then we pull up in the car-line and he hops out unaffected by his bold decision but intrigued by the news that the moon can fit into the sun 64 million times. Not the most rewarding milestone, but we are feeding that little decision until he fully grasps what it means!

We have learned the hard way that, without grace, we fail. We don’t have amazing spiritual parenting wins all the time. We aren’t good at regular prayer time. There are weeks or months that pass without any evidence of spiritual growth or knowledge. But we are learning too.

Recently, I was feeling particularly low about a rough Sunday morning getting everyone to church. Some Sundays it just feels like the church doors are 500 miles away and the road to get there is on fire in a hurricane. Attitudes flare, shoes don’t fit, someone forgot breakfast, spilled coffee, you name it.

This particular Sunday, we finally made it to the child check-in at church. “I made it,” I sighed to myself. Then comes the knock down, drag out, “I want to go in big church with yoooouuuu,” fit from Lily (6). If you were there, I’m sure it was a memorable moment.

I had nothing left in me and very begrudgingly relented. She was overjoyed; I was overwhelmed. We made our way to coffee and of course she ALSO wants coffee so we compromise with water in a coffee cup. In worship, she pretends to sing the songs, sways when I sway, holds her cup the way I hold my cup, closes her eyes and watches me for cues on how to sit and cross her legs. She was doing EVERYTHING she saw me do. As I watched her pretend to read the passage, it hit me like a ton of Bibles. This is discipleship, albeit from a very cranky mommy. This little girl is taking all my cues, reflecting all my feelings and learning all the steps from me. She just needs to be shown how, and here I am showing her my own little grown up fit. I hear it in my head, “Grace, Whitney.” I repeat: we are learning too.

Freddy has been deployed since November of 2020 which brings unique parenting challenges. Those nightly dinner readings have been sparse and our carpool Jeopardy questions are quieted by the TV in the van because I need 15 minutes of silence sometimes. Technology is a gift. Thankfully we are able to see him on FaceTime often. The kids miss him desperately and there are days that pass without them being able to see him. I can tell when they are feeling disconnected from him and it’s hard to watch.

“Tell me a story about Daddy,” they will ask. “I can’t wait to show Daddy my lego set.” “I wonder what Daddy is doing”.

My approach in this season is to keep everyone too busy to be sad. My kids thrive with a focus. I thrive with a focus. We have been in taekwondo, baseball, and gymnastics. We take short trips and take on hobbies and daydream about what to do when Daddy is back. I want them to remember this year of their lives with fondness and not despair.

If you know Freddy, you know he likes to follow the rules and he likes everyone else to follow the rules as well. There is a way things should be done and that’s how he does them. He is straightlaced and runs a well-oiled, straightlaced ship at home. We do our homework, we follow through with commitments, and we use our manners. He keeps us all in line and has instilled great values into the kids of loyalty and honesty. We love him for it. We need him for it.

One challenge of parenting during this unique time is his dynamic with the kids. He has had to shift to a cheerleader of sorts. Celebrating all the kids accomplishments and leaving the corrections and admonishments for me. We learned this one night when he was able to call and he gave a short, simple “listen to your mother” correction to the boys. Sammy lost it. He was so overcome he hit the floor sobbing, “I just miss you so much Daddy!” he weeped. His little heart was broken that he had ruined a long awaited phone call. The correction was lost on him. He was torn in two that his faraway Daddy was upset with him. Freddy was not upset, it was a simple needed correction but to a 7 year old grieving his Daddy’s presence, it was tortuous. Now we cheerlead and praise obedience.

“Lord, I hope you know my Dad is ok. Amen”

I picked up the kids from their classes at church one Sunday and Abe (9) handed me this note. With glassy eyes, he made eye contact with me for a moment, then ran off to say hi to some friends. I wanted to burst into tears. Abe is strong. He is sure of himself and unyielding to a fault at times. He is black and white with no gray. This was him telling me, “I’m worried and sad and I know we pray about those things.” Sometimes kids get it more right than we do. This note hangs on our fridge.

Parenting is never easy. There is never mastery. Once I feel I have figured out a stage or a routine, they change. The older they are, the smarter they are and the more inadequate I feel. But I try to remind myself, “Grace, Whitney.”

3 PILLAR RESOURCES

BIBLICAL TEACHING: Phil and Diane Comer’s book Raising Passionate Jesus Followers is full of practical, gospel-centered guidelines that will have you making notes in the margins and engaging your family with more peace in your heart.

AUTHENTIC COMMUNITY: Try out a community group with other families in the same stage of life as you. Walking through life together is so much better than trying to do it alone. Learn more at pomh.org/communitygroups.

FAMILY DISCIPLESHIP: Our new family-building event Build on the Hill is moving to February! This is a super fun way to make great memories as a family while also laying a foundation of faith. Watch for more details coming soon at pomh.org.

“God hasn’t just sent you to do His work in the lives of your children; He will use the lives of your children to advance His work in you.”

Paul Tripp

FROM MASATEPE

TO MOBILE

BY JOSE LEONEL

After graduating high school I wanted my next step to be different.

Instead of going to college, I wanted to rest and try some new things; maybe serve in a different ministry at my church or even gain some work experience.

Of course, as most people can relate, I didn’t get to do any of those things, or anything really, at least for a few months because of Covid-19.

Brad Hill and I have been friends since he started going to Nicaragua. When he mentioned an internship at Mars Hill I immediately thought it would be a great experience. I’ve had the privilege of working with him and most of the teams that go there from the first time, helping them with translation and I’ve made many good friends by doing it.

At first, this year seemed like the perfect time for that internship. Then Covid and travel restrictions held it back for a couple of months, but we finally figured it out and, within a few days, we confirmed it, bought the tickets, and the next week I was already in Mobile.

To be honest, I wasn’t even sure of what exactly I was going to do there. We briefly talked about a few things like letting me play with the band, and I knew there were going to be some meetings and books. But I was just really excited to do something different, get to see some old friends and perhaps make some new.

Moving out from home at my age sounds pretty normal in the US, but Nicaragua is a small country where everybody goes to college in the same city (the capital) which for me is, at most, one hour away from home, and dorms aren’t really a thing in any of our schools. So the experience of living away from my family and having a roommate was something I probably wouldn’t have gotten if it wasn’t for the internship.

It was kind of scary at first, but also very exciting and I ended up loving everything about those four months. I wasn’t expecting that much reading. But that’s not a complaint, I promise. I truly enjoyed those meetings with some of the pastors and other interns. I learned a lot from those readings but also through the conversations and the ways I saw all of them serve their community. I’m very thankful for people that met my doubts and questions with such kindness, which made being vulnerable so much easier, and I’m sure it will make remembering those teachings easy as well.

I had my first Thanksgiving, which was very good (there was so much delicious food), and also experienced Christmas the American way (in Nicaragua we have a big dinner on the 24th and wait until midnight to open the presents). But the real highlight was spending special moments with people I had met back in Nicaragua and some of the new friends I made. Having so much time to really get to know each other is something I treasure.

At last, getting to be a part of staff meetings and being at the church building pretty much every day allowed me to see what church looks like in a different context. The way things are so well organized was really cool to see but spending so much time with the people behind the organization and getting to know their motivations and the intentionality behind everything was so encouraging. From the way sermons are prepared and the way the service is structured to how activities are planned, having in mind every member’s inclusion and integral discipleship. I’m so thankful for the opportunity I was given to be a part of and learn from this wonderful and unique community that you have at Mars Hill, and I look forward to hearing about the great things that you’ll continue to accomplish for God’s kingdom.

Jose Leonel served as a pastoral intern at Mars Hill Church earlier this year. He lives in Masatepe, Nicaragua with his family and is an integral part of our ministry partnership in his hometown.

Former Mars Hill Mobile interns, from left: Phillip Vo, Jose Leonel, and Jud Daughtry

“If what we have been saying about the triune God is true, you must move toward people, not away from them. Remember, Father, Son, and Spirit were torn apart when Jesus died so that we might embrace rather than exclude one another.”

Timothy Lane, Paul Tripp

BIBLICAL TEACHING. GOSPEL COMMUNITY. FAMILY DISCIPLESHIP.