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HOPE AFTER POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION
HOPE
AFTER POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION
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BY BEKA DOLLAR
This is not really my story, this is God’s story.
This is a story of how gracious and absolutely good our heavenly Father is. I am so thankful the Lord has blessed me with a wonderful husband and a beautiful baby boy. I do not deserve them, and I am reminded of that daily.
Motherhood is one of the most sanctifying roles I have ever had the privilege of fulfilling. I am reminded daily how selfish I am and how desperately I need the Lord. I love being a mom and I love my son, but the first few weeks of his life were far from what I would call “bliss.” No one can prepare you for the moment you become a parent. If you are waiting to be “ready” to become a parent, you will never be (spoiler alert).
My birth story was rather eventful and did not go even remotely close to what I had planned, which is such a great reminder of Proverbs 19:21: “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.” I don’t remember many details from the day I delivered, but I remember being so happy that my baby was finally in my arms. He was perfect!
The day we were discharged was such a long day. The process started around 9 a.m. and we did not leave until around 3:30 p.m. The pharmacy was out of my medication, I was in pain, and I wanted to be home. I thought all would be well once we were home.
I have never been more wrong in my life.
My transition into motherhood was hard, and not for the normal newborn reasons. I expected to be tired, and I expected to not know what I was doing. The hard part was what was going on inside my head. I had read about a friend from college who experienced debilitating postpartum hormones, and I was determined that it was not going to happen to me (again Proverbs comes to mind). In the month before I gave birth, I read a story about how a new mom had taken her own life just weeks after her baby was born. I didn’t understand at the time, but as I walked through my own dark depression I came to realize what these women experienced.
Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. I am so thankful my doctor didn’t brush me off and send me on my way. I told her I did not want my baby. I did not want to hold him, touch him or even take a picture of him. I wanted to forget he was ever born. I thought a little too long about taking my life. I thought about how I could go away and never come back. I didn’t want to be on this earth anymore.
But God.
I knew these were lies straight from Satan himself. I knew what I was experiencing was not right. It wasn’t me. I am so thankful for a family that supported me and loved me where I was. They didn’t tell me to get over it or toughen up; they knew I needed help. I am thankful for the stories women before me told, because it gave me the courage to speak up when I knew something was so wrong.
My husband encouraged me to read my Bible but honestly, I couldn’t even bring myself to do that. So every night before I fell asleep he would pray with me and read a passage out of Psalms to me. I was so scared that if I was left alone something would happen.
After speaking with my doctor and being prescribed medication for anxiety, I remember I felt like a failure as a Christian. I thought to myself, “I am a believer. I don’t need these pills. This isn’t right!” But I take them every day. I don’t think the medication healed me. I know my heavenly Father brought me out of my pit of despair and saved me from my depression. I believe He has graciously given people the knowledge and wisdom to help and treat us when we are sick, and I am so thankful for that.
I write all of this to say if you are a new mother or soonto-be mother, I promise you that you are not alone. If you feel overwhelmed, or if you feel like it’s too much, try to talk to a loved one. Cry out to your heavenly Father. He hears our prayers. I often quoted 2 Timothy 1:7 to myself to be reminded of the truth. It states: “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” I reminded myself daily that I didn’t have to walk in fear, that God has given us a spirit of power and as the King James puts it, a “sound mind.” My doctor told me that it would take roughly six weeks to start feeling better, but within two days I felt a weight off my shoulders and this feeling of confidence that I could be the mother Brooks needed me to be.
I have experienced the God who heals: Jehova Rapha, which means to restore or to heal. I am so thankful for His healing and protection. I was convinced I would not have any more children. I was terrified to go through that again. But, as I am writing this, almost two years later, I have a deep desire in my heart to have more children, and I know that is only through the goodness and healing of God. There are still bad days and hard times, but I rely on the Lord for strength and I know He is with me at all times. I look back and wonder, “Why me?” Why did I have to experience this?” I am always met with “to glorify God.” 1 Corinthians 1-:31 says, “So, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God.”
Editor’s Note: If you find yourself experiencing thoughts like Beka had, you are not alone! Studies show one in seven women experience postpartum depression in the year after giving birth. Consult with your doctor immediately if you feel like you may have postpartum depression.
3 PILLAR RESOURCES
Biblical Teaching: Sometimes a good book can help, so here are some gospel-centered recommendations for healing from postpartum depression: Living Beyond Postpartum Depression: Help and Hope for the Hurting Mom and Those Around Her (Jerusha Clark), Closer: Fighting to be Closer to God in the Throes of Postpartum Depression (Lindsey Saenz), and Peace: Hope and Healing for the Anxious Momma’s Heart (Becky Thompson).
Authentic Community: When you’re in the midst of postpartum depression, getting out of the house and being around people is the opposite of what you want to do, but it may be exactly what you need to do. The Women’s Community at Mars Hill Church is full of women just like you. No one will judge you; rather, you will be met with a hug and a listening ear. So many of us have been where you are. Come to an Abide gathering, our monthly Thrive & Flourish, a Women’s Prayer Community gathering, or join us for a Bible study. Let us care for you.
Family Discipleship: In the Mars Hill Milestones program, the first milestone is our Family Commitment Service. This milestone isn’t just for everyone to get a chance to see all the sweet babies—we truly believe in partnering with parents and walking with families through all aspects of parenting. The Family Commitment Seminar is a great chance for you to meet other families in the same phase of life as you.
Charles Spurgeon
EQUIPPING TO SERVE AT MARS HILL
BY BRIAN ARGO, PASTOR FOR WORSHIP & MOBILIZATION - FAIRHOPE
For the past six months I have served Mars Hill East as the pastor for worship and mobilization.
My role as pastor of mobilization involves not just helping ministries to find volunteers, but to help believers find a place to serve where they can do so long-term with joy and contentment.
Before I parse out a little of what that means, I would like to share a little of my story with regard to serving in the local church.
I have been leading worship since I was 14 years old. Over the past 25 years or so I have not only set up and torn down thousands of sound systems, I have also moved about a gabillion chairs. I have served in a variety of roles as a church staff member, from youth pastor to discipleship pastor to senior pastor to missionary and back to worship pastor. My family and I have served in churches in Alabama, New York, Costa Rica, and Mexico. In short, my wife, Sarah, and I have been a lot of places and done a lot of stuff.
We have experienced the joy of serving in areas of our strengths. We have also felt the tension of serving in areas of weakness out of sheer loyalty to the Body of Christ, and, at times, out of sheer guilt. I have felt great contentment in doing hard physical work week after week, as well as disappointment and burnout by serving without a clear sense of purpose or by serving without boundaries and rest.
THE WAY I SEE IT, THERE ARE TWO DITCHES WE CAN FALL INTO WHEN IT COMES TO SERVING IN A LOCAL CHURCH:
DITCH ONE: BURNOUT. Lots of people tend to wash up at Mars Hill after they have burned out or been burned somewhere else. We are in some sense the Island of Misfit Toys. Because many of us have fallen into the ditch of burnout from years of serving and never saying no, we are just tired, lacking direction, and, maybe most importantly, afraid to jump back in.
DITCH TWO: APATHY AND ATROPHY.
Due to falling into the first ditch, many people remain apathetic or resistant to serving. They feel guilty when a well-meaning person makes a plea for people to serve (usually in ministry to children). We joke about it; we scratch our heads about it. But the fact is, many people who attend regularly do not serve or contribute to the actual ministry of the church, except, perhaps, by giving money. What results is spiritual atrophy. If an athlete doesn’t use her muscles, they not only grow lazy over time; the muscles lose their functionality and the athlete cannot perform. Many believers, due to apathy, grow less able simply to use their God-given gifts in the Body of Christ.
The Apostle Peter calls us out of both ditches and gives us a solid place to walk.
“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies- in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.” – 1 Peter 4:10-11
Churches use all kinds of motivators to get people to serve. Though they may be effective in the short-term, most motivators used are often the poorest, tending toward either guilt or some form of flattery. Peter gives a different motivator, which is where this passage ends: “that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.”
I want to focus on a few things that Peter highlights here. Each has received a gift. Every believer has been given the Spirit and has been gifted by the Spirit for ministry in the Body of Christ. Just as every part of the body has a function and is interdependent on other parts, each believer must function in order for the entire body to be fitted and joined together so that it can grow into Christlikeness. In other words, serving is not for an elite class of committed disciples; it is for all believers Every gift should be used. Every believer has been given a gift to be used in serving others. We tend to think of gifts as something that serves me; but a spiritual gift is something that is for the good of other people. The subconscious acceptance of the believer whose spirituality exists apart from the community of other Christians is simply not in agreement with the Bible.
Every gift should be used in God’s power. After Peter first mentions serving, he mentions it again in verse 11, saying that whoever serves must do so “as one who serves by the strength that God supplies.” Jesus said in another context, “Apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).
We must be conscious of this because, as we see the Lord use us, it is tempting to think we can operate without a conscious, moment-by-moment dependency on Him for our intelligence, stamina, people skills, administrative prowess, musical talent, or teaching ability. But we cannot afford to operate outside of His strength, and God in His grace tends to provide not-so-subtle ways to prove that very fact.
Every gift should be used to glorify God. This may seem obvious but it isn’t. Even when we say that all things exist to glorify God, the way in which we serve often contradicts this declaration. We have to have this motivator established for the reason that we serve and the way in which we serve. We burn out when we are motivated by something other than God’s glory, and when we serve in something other than God’s strength.
The final and absolute impetus for serving is “that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.” I love that Peter doesn’t mention us. He does not say, “that God may be glorified through us,” as though we need consciously to focus on ourselves. But we need to place every focus on Jesus, who He is, what He has done, and what He has promised.
We live in a day and age when people are little more than consumers, and as ministers we can be tempted to provide religious services for religious consumers. But we are not called to consumption; rather we are called to a commission: Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything Christ has commanded us (Matt. 28:19-20).
First, my hope is that those who currently serve would assess their own reasons for doing it, and that, as they draw near to the God of all grace, they would find their strength renewed. Second, my hope and prayer is that apathetic believers would recognize their vital place in the Body of Christ, and that their passion would be kindled to serve according to the strength that God supplies. If you’re going through burnout, I understand the importance of rest. But there is also work to be done until Christ comes. Take this time to seek the Lord about how to return to serving if you’ve been sidelined by something. Work rest into your life’s rhythms and routines.
As you seek the Lord for wisdom and balance, focus on Peter’s admonition to the church: “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as stewards of God’s varied grace.” We have received gifts from the God of all grace. We are stewards of it in ways that are incomprehensibly multifaceted, and these are to be poured out for the sake of the Body of Christ, for the glory of God.
3 PILLAR RESOURCES
BIBLICAL TEACHING: Mars Hill Staff recommends the book Instruments in the Hands of the Redeemer by Paul David Tripp as another great resource on stewardship within the church.
AUTHENTIC COMMUNITY: Complete the Mars Hill Gifts & Talents Survey to be connected with ministry-specific projects at pomh.org.
FAMILY DISCIPLESHIP: Watch The Power of Serving on RightNow Media for a quick (it’s only two minutes!) word of encouragement for parents about the benefits of children serving in church.
Martin Luther
