Well Read

WELL READ By: Luke P. Ihnen

Federal Defender Services of Eastern Tennessee, Inc.

RAISING WHITE KIDS

I grew up in what I considered to be a racially progressive home. We were raised to be “color-blind.” It was the ‘90s equivalent of racial progressivism—I even had a Black friend (seriously). Still, many of my friends and family made racist comments and told racist jokes. I am sure that I laughed at some of them. I probably even told one or two.

Growing up, I knew racism existed, but struggled to understand why people hated others because of the color of their skin. I understood that I was not supposed to talk about race or racism, and that it was wrong to notice the differences in people of color. It never crossed my mind to question the treatment of Blacks and other minorities at the hands of the police. And it was okay to have Black friends, but I shouldn’t date a Black person, as my parents once reminded me.

Of course, the world we live in is no longer the world of the ‘90s. And what was good enough then (which, of course, does not mean that it was “good” then) is not good enough now. I now understand the harm that color-blindness can cause. I am now aware of my white privilege and implicit biases, and the privilege and biases we all hold; of the structural racism in our institutions. I understand the value of diversity and inclusion in all aspects of life and try to find ways of using my privilege to lift up the voices of others.

As a father, I am trying not to pass along the color-blind teachings of my youth, and instead raise my children to see, acknowledge, appreciate, and affirm racial differences. I recently came across the book Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children in a Racially Unjust America by Jennifer Harvey. Harvey, a white college professor, uses experiences from her childhood and career as an educator to explain the importance of raising race-conscious white children.

According to Harvey, white children are not well-equipped to discuss race and racism. For example, her white students found it easier to talk about abortion than they did to talk about race.1 Meanwhile, parents of Black and other children of color must teach their children about race as “a basic matter of their children’s well-being and survival.”2

Harvey is particularly critical of color-blindness. Not because the motivation or logic behind it are bad—in fact, she explains that colorblindness is an “outgrowth of the central moral message of the civil rights movement.”3 But because color-blindness doesn’t work. Consider: “Imagine being told your entire life that the most important thing you need to know about race in your daily life experience is that ‘we’re all equal.’ Then, imagine being suddenly expected at the age of nineteen to make sense out of a news story coming out of Ferguson, let alone be an informed and able discussant in a high school or college classroom about social realities that make clear such equality is actually not the case.”4

More important, “color-blindness cannot teach children equity because it does not line up with how their brains actually function.”5 Studies show that children as young as six months begin noticing the physical differences that mark race.6 As early as five-years-old, children recognize that different groups are treated differently.7 In fact, “children experience their friendships in the context of the same racial tensions and larger societal racial alienation that adults do.”8

But that does not mean that we are all predisposed to racial prejudice. Noticing physical differences is a normal part of neurological development. Race is a social construction, meaning that “differences such as skin tone, hair texture, shapes of faces, and so on don’t have any significance or meaning in and of themselves.”9 Rather, we give these physical attributes meaning through our social practices.10 “Noticing differences and developing prejudice are two distinct processes.”11 Prejudice is learned.

The book is filled with useful information, takeaways, and helpful tips to navigate raising race-conscious white children. One of the lessons we have taken to heart is speaking openly and honestly about peoples’ differences.

One of my daughter’s best friends in daycare is Black. When she talks about her friend, she almost never mentions that she is Black, a fact that she obviously already knows. Sometimes my daughter does say that her friend is Black; or that she wears beads in her hair; or that her mommy looks like one of our neighbors. My ‘90s parents would have shushed me and hurried away embarrassed. They might have even reprimanded me and told me not to do so again. Harvey explains that these types of reactions can reinforce negative stereotypes about Black and other people of color. Think about it: when was the last time you shushed your child for saying someone was white? According to Harvey, it is important to acknowledge that our daughter is seeing differences, and reenforce her observation with something like: “You’re right, she has beautiful black skin.”

As Harvey explains, “whether we explicitly pay attention to children’s racial development or not, our children develop anyway.”12 Our children will experience racism whether directed at them, a classmate, or another adult. We can decide to support them in interpreting it or not.

Talking about race and racism is awkward. It can be uncomfortable, especially when we reveal our own biases. Talking about race and racism with your child can be even more awkward. Too often, our default is to avoid it altogether. Harvey reinforces that “understanding that racial identity unfolds and grows in our kids’ lives, even if we don’t quite grasp all of the ins and outs of what this looks like or always know how best to nurture it, inclines us to begin to notice things we otherwise might not.”13 In that way, we can grow together with our children in our racial development. What an amazing gift.

Parenting is hard even when you don’t talk about race and racism. We are certainly not experts, but we are trying. I hope our children will be the better for it. I hope yours will too.

1 Jennifer Harvey, Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children In A Racially Unjust

America, 6–7 (Abingdon Press Nashville 2017). 2 Harvey, supra note 1, at 7. 3 Id. at 25. 4 Id. at 9 (emphasis in original). 5 Id. at 30. 6 Id. at 28–29. 7 Id. at 30. 8 Id. at 182. 9 Id. at 26. 10 Id. 11 Id. at 29. 12 Id. at 102. 13 Id. at 103