MANAGING CHILDREN:
It’s not a job…
Every job has certain basic features essen�al to it.
A doctor has to like examining pa�ents, not be fearful of handling wounds & bleeds, be ready to be available any�me for emergencies etc.
A computer engineer has to feel fine to con�nue si�ng in front of the computer for hours, day a�er day with very li�le physical interac�on with people.
A banker has to have the pa�ence and focus to look closely at large volumes of numbers and people queuing up con�nuously.
A soldier has to become comfortable with a daily schedule of heavy physical exercise and be available on the ba�le field at the shortest no�ce, even offering his own life.
In the same way, as a caregiver the central responsibility is to bring up children, ensuring that we a�end to their needs so that each child develops physically, emo�onally, socially in a balanced manner and progresses academically too.
So you see, caring for children not only has its own specific requirements, its not just a job but much beyond…
One has to genuinely like and enjoy being with children and bringing them up.
Then only can we engage deeply and manage the situa�ons that arise from �me to �me, instead of being stressed by it.
Just like with other professional commitments, caring also has its own specific set of requirements.
How can I manage children be�er?
Know what to expect -
Whether they are children from middle class families or those from difficult backgrounds, bringing up children is a roller coaster ride, o�en full of surprises and even shocks .
When prepared, one can be in control and can respond be�er and feel be�er
We need to understand the natural pa�erns of how children grow & develop at various stages, with each child being different in nature and poten�al. We also need to understand that children can bully, can show abusive behaviours, can have mood changes , there will also be many showing typical teenage behaviours , and then there will be those who will have special needs.
When we know what all can happen, then we will be less at the mercy of situa�ons and feel less frustrated, helpless and angry.
Communicate-
One of the basic reasons behind having issues with children is because they feel that adults around them don’t understand them. There are a lot of emo�ons that are con�nually generated in a child and one of the most important things we can to do is to allow expression of these feelings to avoid emo�onal pile-up and bo�ling up. Listen and share with children on a regular basis. This should not be done just as a duty but by genuinely and authen�cally connec�ng with them . This helps to build a great rela�onship with children.
Make it fun-
Our adult lives are filled with commitments and responsibili�es leaving us thinking mostly about the future and the past. In contrast, children live in the moment and spend every day living the moment, seeking out happiness and being joyful. Learning from them, instead of seeing caring as a line-up of tasks to be coordinated and completed, lets enjoy and celebrate caring.
Despite packed �metables, you can also add a bit of fun to the daily chores and engagements with children. If you are doing laundry, try and play with the soap foam, or if you are gardening, why not make some mud balls and play with it, laugh over silly things and do some stupid things along with the children. Or maybe while cleaning put on or dance to some music. Enjoy the presence of children around you.
Enjoy your own sense of humour by belly laughing at your own jokes and.
MANAGING THE HOME: Work smarter
In addi�on to caring for children, there are responsibili�es of running the home and mee�ng the various tasks that keep coming up through the course of the day. The Home and the systems is the stage that enables the care of our children . It is an ecosystem and unless that func�ons smoothly, care cannot happen effec�vely.
Understand the “why” of systems and process - There are so many tasks related to running a home, that may not seem to be care related ac�vi�es. However, there is a specific need and importance of these. We work in a public space, use public resources and together with diverse stakeholders, including the government, run this program. Unless we keep up certain systems and fulfil some compulsory requirements we cannot and will not be allowed to have this home in the first place. We need to be transparent and answerable. It’s also a fundamental value on which our work is based . Remember, the systems and process may seem cumbersome but actually make life easier for us in the long run rather than make it difficult. Accept it as a necessary foundation and an inbuilt safety system of the care work we do.
Ask for role clarity - The home is a biosphere with several elements and several people to ensure its smooth run. Each person is an element of the system. It is important that each person understands their role and func�on clearly, so that you can do your role well without confusions and overlaps.
The purpose is not to decline jobs as “not mine” but for everyone to do their bit as well so that small things don’t pile up to become unnecessary crisis.
Yes, I will keep in mind that I am a part of a team and so also be ready to take on responsibility that’s outside my primary role, when needed.
Mul�task – Our homes are the centre of a huge amount of ac�vity. There is never a dull moment! Several things are planned, and so many things crop up unplanned too. We could wish that things do occur in a neat sequence one a�er the other but it’s almost impossible that only a single thing comes up at a �me. We have to be mentally prepared to put our minds as well as hands and legs and do all these simultaneously.
Know how to priori�ze - Each day will bring so many situa�ons and expecta�ons. It may make you feel “where do I begin”, and some�mes we land up doing nothing or do them for the sake of doing so. It’s a good prac�ce to make a to do list each day which should consist of things based on urgency and importance. There will be certain things to be done now and some things that can be tackled later. This understanding of what comes first and what next will allow you to put your energy at the right �me on the right thing and do it well. Also know when to say NO.
Meet, Plan and doKnowing in advance what has to be done daily, what has to be done weekly and what monthly is a good way to avoid unnecessary work pileup.
Bigger/longer tasks, when done bit by bit, actually gets done and done well. If things are allowed to pile up, with time, it will become the cause for immense stress. The first thing to do is to prepare a to-do list. Simply listing down things to be done in a day helps me to track everything I have to do and what has already been done.
Be open to ques�ons - Since we are working with several stakeholders and with so many systems and process, ques�ons will be asked and answers will be sought. We don’t need to see such checks as lack of trust or as your experience being ques�oned or doubted. Do not personalize and feel stressed as it’s not about you, it’s about the overall system at work. It should not irritate, or demo�vate you as it’s a obvious part of being accountable and open to con�nuous learning and doing. Respect and encourage the culture of ques�oning and willingness to answer to each other.
I am happy to answer all your questions…
Avoid pile-up - Complete tasks in �me. Once you allow it to pile up, it becomes very difficult to do it and will cause huge amounts of anxiety that could have been very well avoided. If some task is too difficult or is not working out, discuss to change expecta�ons or reach compromises or prac�cal solu�ons.
Remember, you can’t wish for more hours in the day . Everyone has the same number of hours. Decide how you want to invest it and where.
Rou�ne to make things interes�ng- Some�mes caring can seem like a repe��ve task and can produce boredom.
When we look closely we realise that any and almost every profession/ engagements have a repetitive element to it .
The important thing to remember is that having a set rou�ne set of tasks we will be more efficient. It also means not having to face new challenges in work each day. It’s important to recognize the uniqueness of each moment, about finding beauty in the ordinary.
I enjoy having my routine, knowing exactly what I am responsible for each day. Task after task, hour after hour, time can fly pretty quickly when one is busy with work.
Ask for support- If there is a mismatch in expecta�ons or you feel you don’t have the knowledge or skill to do it don’t hesitate to ask for support. Otherwise expecta�ons will con�nue unfulfilled and you will keep feeling inadequate, and it will turn into a vicious unhealthy work cycle. Each person’s role, is important in its own way, no one is insignificant.
We also need to realise that each day is a new day, and though we may be performing the same tasks, everything else surrounding the tasks has changed. Situa�ons change, children’s mood change, and there will be new conversa�ons. Have a sense of pride in what you are doing and keep adding an element of fun, newness and joy to it from your side as well.
MANAGING PERSONAL NEEDS:
Put yourself on the “To-do list”
There is a lot of difference between being busy and being produc�ve. If we are not in the best of mental and physical shape, we are no good to anyone, If we don’t recharge our ba�eries, we will end up accomplishing less in the long run.
Balance it - To stay healthy, joyful and stable we need to balance four aspects of being.
What’s your way to stay balanced?
Do this exercise -
Examples Something for myself My Thoughts
Something for my body
Something for my brain
Breathe deeply, exercise, drink 8 glasses of water, oil hair, groom myself.
Read, learn a new thing, solve a puzzle, learn a new game etc.
Something for my heart
Something for my soul
Laugh on some joke, watch funny videos, recount funny incidents of your life, sing or listen to a song, paint, take pictures.
Smile, forgive someone, Help someone, make someone smile, praise, complement someone, play with a pet. Make a list of things for which you feel grateful.
Maintain your personal rela�onships- As much as children need friends, so do adults! Don’t let friendships get lost in the shuffle of caregiving. We can talk to our friends without any thinking much, they make us feel good. These rela�onships are important to help sustain you and keep us posi�ve. So keep in touch with them, call them up, talk to them, share your updates, your pictures etc. and meet them when possible.
If it’s difficult to leave the home, you could invite some friends over to visit you for coffee, tea, or dinner (as per the rules of the home.)
Share your feelings- Each day and moment generates emo�ons, feelings, some�mes strong ones too. You could feel very angry, frustrated, helpless etc. which is only natural but if you pile these up inside you, it’s going to build up toxins inside you that will slow you down and generate more anger, frustra�on. The simple act of expressing what you’re going through can be very relieving. From �me to �me ven�late your feelings with a friend, colleague or anyone you feel comfortable with. All feelings don’t have to be shared only with one person. Different people can offer you different kinds of emo�onal support.
Just like I brush my teeth every day to clean it, I clean my heart by letting out all the strong feelings that get produced in me each day.
Remember, managing the needs of your colleagues is equally important. If others around you are happy, they will keep you happy too.
Acknowledge and appreciate yourself- Most of the �mes we are focused on all the things we have yet to accomplish at work. But constantly looking at a long to-do list can take a toll on your emo�onal well-being. It’s important to occasionally recognize and appreciate all that you’ve accomplished, too. Take periodic breaks to think about what all you have done to see how much progress you’ve made.
Posi�ve reinforcement doesn’t have to come from where you are expec�ng it. When you’re feeling unappreciated, turn to friends and family and other colleagues who will listen to you and acknowledge your efforts.
Make yourself laugh- Laughter is an excellent an�dote to stress, and a li�le goes a long way. Read a funny book or magazine, watch a comedy, or call a friend who makes you laugh. And whenever you can, try to find the humour in everyday situa�ons. Rather than stressing out over things you can’t control, focus on how to choose to react to situa�ons.
Keep doctor visits- Don’t forget about your own health when you’re busy caring for children. You need to be healthy in order to work well. Especially those who have condi�ons like diabetes, TB, stomach ulcer etc. must ensure to follow the set �mings for food, medicines etc. on a regular basis. It is also important not to forget or skip check-ups or medical appointments.
Don’t bring on stress by neglec�ng your health. Your body is like a vehicle. With the right fuel and proper maintenance, it will run reliably and well. Neglect its upkeep and it will start to give you trouble.
Exercise- Since this caring job requires to be physically mobile and mentally alert you cannot afford to become overweight, under weight, anemic etc. Exercise not only keeps you healthy but is also a powerful stress reliever and mood li�er too. When you exercise regularly, you’ll also find that it boosts your energy level and helps you fight fa�gue. Exercise could be in the form of play, some yoga exercises or even zumba with the children.
Prac�ce a relaxa�on technique- A daily relaxa�on prac�ce can help you relieve stress and boost feelings of joy and well-being. Try deep breathing, muscle relaxa�on, or mindfulness medita�on. Even a few minutes in the middle of a long and �ring day can help you feel more centred.
I do Anulom - Vilom breathing as soon as I get up, sitting on my bed itself.
Nourish your bodyFeeding children is important, but your own diet is important too. Nourish your body with fruits, vegetables, protein, and fats—which will fuel you with steady energy. Remember to drink adequate amount of water each day. Check you vitals and other important parameters especially vitamin D levels , calcium, hemoglobin etc. regularly and ensure that it is maintained at a good level especially those who have a history of anaemia.
Get good quality sleep- Sleep is very important as it is the �me when the body repairs itself. When you get less sleep, your mood, energy, produc�vity, and ability to handle stress will suffer. Prepare your daily schedule in such a way that you get at least 6-7 hrs of sleep daily. Maintain a sleeping rou�ne for yourself, going to bed at the set �me as far as possible.
I make sure that children use the toilet before sleeping so that they also sleep undisturbed during the night
Take Peer support-
Talking to other people who are going through the same thing can provide with a tremendous relief. You will get lot of benefit from peers especially in situa�ons where you feel alone and misunderstood. It is also very useful for ge�ng informa�on about managing work be�er.
Embrace your choice of caregiving- Believe that you are where you are supposed to be and doing what you are supposed to be doing.
Watch out if you’re spending energy expec�ng things you can’t change and for which there are no clear answers. Try to avoid the emo�onal trap of feeling sorry for yourself or searching for someone to blame. Don’t be in self-pity.
Despite any resentments or burdens I feel, I have made a conscious choice to be here, in this role providing care.
Focus on the posi�ve reasons behind your choice to be doing this role. Perhaps you provide care to repay the adults in your life for the care they gave you while you were growing up. Maybe it’s because of your values or the example you want to set for your own or the Rainbow children. These deep, meaningful mo�va�ons can help sustain you through difficult �mes. Accept you choice. And remember, you are ge�ng a lot in return, you are growing too.
