n DeVico
te Written by Kris
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n DeVico
te Written by Kris
THE SCHOOL WAS SCREENING US FOR SCOLIOSIS. OF THE THIRTY GIRLS IN MY GRADE, I WAS THE ONLY ONE ASKED TO STAY BEHIND.
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AS A CHILD, I WAS ALWAYS CURIOUS ABOUT THE LONG SCAR RUNNING DOWN MY MOTHER’S BACK. SHE WOULD TELL ME THERE WAS A METAL ROD IN HER BACK KEEPING IT STRAIGHT. AS I GOT OLDER, SHE TOLD ME ABOUT HER EXPERIENCES WHEN I WAS BORED AND WANTED TO BE TOLD STORIES.
41° ONE DAY, ALL THE GIRLS in my 4th grade class got called to the nurse. The school was screening us for scoliosis, which is more common in girls. All thirty girls in my grade passed except for me–I was asked to stay behind. The nurse gave me a book called “S is for Scoliosis” and called my mother. Part of me was scared because I didn’t want to get a metal rod fused to my spine like my mother. I would faint if I had to give blood or get an injection, so how could I deal with a surgery like that?
ROM WHAT I KNEW ABOUT SCOLIOSIS,
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it seemed unpleasant. I liked hearing the stories but I never thought I would have stories of own regarding it. My mother got the metal rod fused to her spine towards the end of her senior year of high school. The cast she had to wear after her surgery went from the top of her neck and around her whole abdomen. It was made of hard plaster and couldn’t be taken off for nine months. It got itchy on hot days and my aunt would scratch her back by slipping a tie through the back of the cast. My grandmother would wash her hair in the sink, and even though she was shy like me, she had to participate in her high school graduation ceremony in a big cast being the center of attention.
My mother tried her best to be reassuring. She is a very realistic woman, so she would not say that I didn’t need surgery. She did say, however, that since I was still growing there were preemptive ways of adjustment that straighten your spine as you grow. In an odd way, another part of me was excited to have a unique ailment. My family loves to remind me that I exclaimed, “Now I have a brand name illness!” I was always saying things like that–my parents kept a list in a book. A FEW WEEKS AFTER THE NURSE, my
mom picked me up from school early and we went to a doctor that was two and a half hours away. I got an x-ray taken of my spine and waited for the doctor. In his office there was a skeleton wearing a lab coat in the corner, a big couch, and a tree. Behind him was my x-ray lit up from behind with some marks on it.
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HE TOLD ME THERE IS A 41° CURVE IN MY SPINE AND THAT I NEED TO WEAR A BRACE TO CORRECT IT.
X-Ray of my back in December 2017.
SCOLIOSIS STATISTICS
TYPICAL AGE OF ONSET IS 10-11 YRS. OLD
FEMALES ARE MORE LIKELY TO DEVELOP A CURVE THAT REQUIRES TREATMENT 30,000 CHILDREN BEGIN TREATMENT WITH A BRACE EACH YEAR
SCOLIOSIS AFFECTS 2-3% OF THE POPULATION
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I was allowed to pick out a color or pattern for the plastic on my brace, and I chose a blue swirl pattern. We went back the next week to pick it up which began a six year endeavor of wearing a hard plastic brace for 16 hours a day. To cheer me up, we went to the mall and got soft chicken tacos at Taco Bell. This would soon become common practice every six months for the next six years. I don’t know what I would have done if it wasn’t for the close relationship I have with my mother. I think that on some level she felt responsible for my scoliosis, since it is hereditary. Whatever her motives were, she went to great lengths to make my experience with scoliosis as painless as possible and in many ways it strengthened the bond between us.
I got nervous because my spine was quite curved, and I eagerly waited for what he had to say. He would tell me that there is a 41° curve in my spine and I would need a brace made to correct it. The doctor, like my mother, would not say the magic words, “You don’t need surgery,” so it remained a fear in the back of my mind. When I went back in a couple of weeks to have my brace made, I wasn’t sure what to expect. We got there early in the morning on a school day and they weren’t open yet. The door said “Hours of Operation” and I got paranoid and asked my mom if this is where they do the surgeries. I was nervous because I thought maybe the doctor would change his mind and tell me I needed surgery instead of making a brace. She assured me that “hours of operation” was only referring to when they are open and eventually we were let in and waited for our appointment.
I STARTED OFF WEARING THE BRACE to school and saving my eight hours a day with it off to sleep comfortably–this did not last long. My 4th grade teacher meant well when I got my brace. She made a poster and gave the twenty students in my class a post it note. They were to write down a question about scoliosis and/or my brace and put in on the poster. I had to sit in the center of the circle and answer the questions to put my classmates at ease about the odd contraption I would be wearing. It was so uncomfortable, and I had been wearing hoodies over it because I didn’t want anyone to know about it in the
TO MAKE MY BRACE, they had me put on a thick cotton tank top. The technician, came in with a cart. On it was a bucket of liquid, gauze, a knife, and a few other instruments. He smeared Vaseline underneath my armpits and dipped the gauze in the bucket which I learned was melted wax and wrapped the gauze around my abdomen. I laid down on a table while the wax dried. It got very tight and uncomfortable and it was at this moment that I stopped thinking of scoliosis as a neat ailment and more of a burden.
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AR C S G N O L E H T T U O SITY AB O I R U C S A D E T R A T K. C A IT S B S ’ R E H T O M Y RUNNING DOWN M
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“the brace” 26 times and “my brace” only twice. I distanced myself to avoid the implications of taking on a brace as part of my identity. Caring what others thought added a completely unnecessary level of discomfort to my experience and one that I brought upon myself. People that love me and care about me did not give a second thought to the fact that I wore a brace.
first place. After this meeting though, people would come up to me and punch my “abs of steel.” I sensed that it was in good humor but I felt like a fish in a bowl, being speculated about and tapped on. After a few weeks of feeling awkward, I stopped wearing my brace to school and would instead wear it all other times. I should not have stopped wearing my brace because of external influences. I should have done what I really wanted and saved my eight hours of comfort for sleeping comfortably. I wish I had realized then that none of those kids even thought about me once I left their presence. I went home everyday after school and resented the fact that I let my classmates make me feel self-conscious, while they went home and didn’t give me or my brace a second thought.
I STILL HAVE A CURVE IN MY SPINE and I can feel it when I take a deep breath, I can hear my spine crack from my lungs inflating. My back gets sore easily. I feel the nerve in my leg that was squished by my brace. If you look really closely, my shoulders and hips are not level. People will come and go from my life but these things remain as a reminder to take care of myself above the feelings and opinions of fleeting acquaintances and peers. Now there are few people’s feelings that I respect and consider almost equally as my own and those belong to my parents and close friends. I go home at night and don’t worry (OK, I worry less) about what people may or may not think about me and more about what I think about myself.
HAVING BEEN OUT OF THE BRACE for 7 years now, I pretty have pretty much forgotten the physical discomfort of wearing my brace. On the other hand, I do still remember the emotional discomfort. After a few years went by, I had the distance I needed to reflect on this time of my life. I never really liked wearing “the brace” and after taking the jokes to heart, I didn’t want to identify with it at all–it wasn’t a cool brand name illness. I had my own coping mechanisms, though. One of them I hit me after writing this piece. In my final edits, I realized I used the term
Me in my back brace, 14 years old.
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left to right The braces I wore in 5th 6th grade, 7th and 8th grade, and 8th and 9th grade.
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