Emma & Josh a short story
Kristinne Mallari http://tinnemallari.com
On my final year in college, I took a Creative Writing class that was required to complete my degree. The final output was to hand in a short story. This was mine. I dug up an old printed copy in my room and thought about putting it online. What’s written in here was the exact copy that I handed in to my professor, lest the typographical errors. I thought about editing some parts that made me cringe but I ultimately decided not to. Simply because the year I wrote this was a much different time--a younger and a much different version of myself that I want to remember. That said, here’s a disclaimer: Cheesy dialogue scattered ahead.
Love, Tinne
Emma Emma considered her options: 1. She is going to unpack her bags. Pros: she could free some space on her tiny dorm. Cons: She knows she can never finish without crying. 2. She is going to get some dinner from the cafe downstairs. Pros: She had been starving all day. Cons: She did not speak any French at all. 3. She is going to cry because she does not know what she got herself into. Pros: She is going to feel a bit better, or at least she hoped she would. Cons: Her eyes would be puffy on her orientation tomorrow. She does not really know how she got here. A month ago, all she could ever think about was finally getting away from her toxic family. And a month before that, she was so excited to finally leave Manila and set foot on lovely France. But sitting on the edge of the bed that could barely fit her, all traces of excitement went away. It was not exactly about the place; France was just as lovely as she had imagined. Residence de la Maine had excellent facilities. It was just a five-minute walk from the university and the public library. Her dorm room had
neatly painted white walls, a quaint desk, a mini dining area, en suite bathroom, excellent heating system and she did not have a roommate. Apparently, student residences in France are all for single occupancy. It was herself that made her feel uneasy. For over two months, she was completely fooling herself about being certain into moving away. Home did not feel like home anymore. But all she could ever think about right now was the mother who brushed her hair carefully and pulled it into a ponytail every morning before she went to school, not the one who could not even look her in the eye without silently letting her feel how apart they have grown. She finally felt the tears fill her eyes. It’s just natural I would cry on my first night, she tried to convince herself.
Josh Josh was feeling terrible. He thinks he might have gotten food poisoning from the cheap panini they were selling on the marche last night. He is not going to complain though, because it’s all he could afford right now. His art classes at the university will start tomorrow and he just spent more than half of his savings for a brand new set of excellent quality brushes and a handful of films for his camera. He could call his mom to ask for E100 to help him get by until his next pay comes, but he did not want to burden her when she just paid for his tuition fee. For now, he just has enough to afford getting meals from the Restaurante Universitaire. Despite all of this, he was feeling excited. Tomorrow, he will meet his parrainage from the new batch of exchange students coming in for the fall semester. He was a volunteer at the International Center of his university and receives a small allowance. On top of that, he gets to meet lots of people from all over the world. Last year, he had an Australian buddy named Renee who stayed for one semester. He knew she wanted to
be more than friends when she invited him for a drink mid-semester. Josh avoided it by all means. It was not about Renee; she was one of those pretty girls who did not seem to know about it. She knew how to have fun even when her hair was not perfect. He just did not want to start something that he knew would eventually end too soon. It wasn’t like Australia belonged to the European Union where he could just hop into Eurostar to get there. Australia was on the other side of the world. Still, this did not prevent him from going to frequent dinners and catching the movies with her. When she left at the end of the spring semester, he felt like he was losing his best friend. This is the reason why he could never develop romantic feelings to the students assigned to him. Never.
Emma It was midnight when she finally cried really hard. She has just gotten back from dinner at the cafe downstairs and was feeling defeated after the waiter frowned on her when she could not speak any French except Oui and Non. She knew she did not belong here. She was tall but had dyed brunette hair and tanned skin. Her nose was not pointy; hers was small and rounded in the end. Her eyes were not blue nor green; hers were brown, almost like dark chocolate. Even how she dressed made her feel out of place. She wore a pair of acid-washed jeans and paired it with a grey tee. She layered it with a green parka and wore chocolate brown brogues. As soon as she stepped out of the airport, she noticed how the French never wore anything other than black, grey and white. But crying last night still made her feel a bit better. She had also sent an email to her mother telling her that she had finally settled down on her dorm. This morning, she checked if she had sent her a reply. Naturally, she did not. Today, she is going to meet all the International Center staff of Universite Catholique de Lille and the other exchange
students. She does not know what to expect. She haven’t met any of them except Nita and Lucille who were part of the Welcome Team. They were nice enough to pick her up from Charles de Gaulle and drove her to Lille. She read on her UCL Practical Guide that each student will be assigned to a French parrainage. The assigned French “buddy” will be guiding every exchange student in getting around the university and the surrounding area. She could not wait any longer because having a French buddy will finally help her in getting by, even on little things like helping her get a meal from the university restaurant. It took her a few rounds and wrong turns until she finally found the lecture hall. She had just opened the door when she bumped into something solid and warm. She looked up and saw it was a boy. He was taller than her; her forehead only met his shoulders. His hair was chocolate brown, curly and disheveeled like he just got out of bed. “Oof,” he said, stepping back a little. “I’m sorry,” she said. He smiled just a little before he stepped slightly to the side and let her through.
Josh He was walking down the hall entrance when he felt someone bump into him—a girl. She had long wavy hair and tan skin. He was about to meet her eyes when she looked down and muttered I’m sorry. He wanted to ask her name but she seemed to be shy. Maybe later, he thought as he stepped to the side and let her through. When he got inside, Pierre, Nita, Lucille and the other members of the parrainage were already there. Everybody had their hands full in preparing for the orientation. Nita had already finished setting up the campus guides and the UCL shirts and flash drives given to exchange students every semester. Lucille was already there, too. She was with Pierre, setting up the powerpoint and audio in the control room at the back. Surely, today was just like all the other Exchange Students Orientation that he has been to the past semesters. But he still felt good to be here again. This had always been his favourite part of the semester; everyone still feels fresh and excited about a lot of things. There was a certain air of positivity and a slight tint of hopefulness around everyone.
The hall was starting to be packed. He was surprised at how much people were participating in the exchange program this semester. He saw Tan Girl sitting on the left end of the hall. She clearly came alone and still looked a little bit lost. He noticed how puffy her eyes were, too. Usually, the crying-because-of-homesickness phase does not come until the fourth week. He wondered if she went here on her own will. He did not mean to stare at her. A lot. But for some reason, he was too aware of her; could not help but look at her.
Emma She sat on the far left end of the hall. She tried sitting on one of the middle seats but she chickened out last minute so she kept walking to reach the end. What do you think you’re doing, she said to herself. A few minutes later, the people started to come in. Mostly they were groups of three or four; she was the only one who came alone. She noticed how most of them were either Americans or Europeans. You would notice which is which: the Americans were the loud and over-friendly groups who dressed in hoodies and sneakers. The Europeans were the stylish ones. They wore black coats, grey shirts and leather shoes. They looked like they just came out of the Paris Fashion Week. She saw Lucille at the back of the room setting up a laptop together with a boy who was obviously French, judging by the way he dressed. Nita was there, too. She was bringing in some blue canvas bags that had the UCL logo stamped on it. When she saw her, she waved at her lightly and mouthed a Hello. She heard the door open and saw the boy she bumped
at the door earlier. He was carrying a pile of books which he handed to Nita once he was inside. She caught him looking at her quite a few times. She felt her cheeks blushing; only it would not show on her warm brown skin. She even caught him looking at her from head to toe which made her a million times more nervous. But if I caught him stealing glances from me, doesn’t that mean I was doing the same to him? she asked herself.
Josh Lucille was already starting to announce the parrainage pairs. This year, she told him a student named Emma was assigned to him. It had always been a practice that male parrainage members are assigned to women exchange students. “To make it more exciting!” Lucille would always say. “This is Josh, and the student assigned to you, Josh, is Emma.” Lucille looked at Tan Girl. No, he thought. “Emma, can you come here please?” Lucilled continued. Tan Girl stood up and started walking towards them. Putain, he mouthed.
emma She could not believe it. Door Boy was her parrainage. Lucille kept motioning for her to come forward. She was, undoubtedly, nervous. But she found herself wanting to come forward. Just. Don’t. Trip. she told herself repeatedly.
josh He did not know what to say. He was absolutely sure she had noticed how much he looked at her in a matter of an hour. “Hey,” she said. He let out a huge sigh of relief. Judging by how nervous he was feeling, he doubted himself if he could ever initiate the conversation. “Hi, how are you?” he replied. “I’m, g-good,” she stuttered a bit. “Emma,” she offered her hand. “Josh,” he shook her hand. Hers were just as cold as his. This time, he really tried to catch her eyes. He could see her dark chocolate brown eyes. They were puffy, obviously the result of crying all night. He wanted to ask her why she was already crying on her first night when she still has six months to battle with. Their hands stayed there, mid-shake. Neither of them seems to be willing to let go. He noticed how long and slender her fingers were. Her nails were chipped; maybe she was one of those girls who chewed on their nails when they are anxious.
He stared at their hands and as soon as he did, he regretted it. Emma immediately dropped hers and carefully placed it to her side. He cleared his throat. He had never been so speechless before. For three years, he had been a parrainage and he had always known what to say and when to say it. He asked her which country she was from, because that’s what he usually does. “Philippines,” she said with her almost melodic voice. That explains why she had beautiful skin, he thought. Hers was not like the fake tans that Americans are so fond of getting. She does not look as red as tomato either, the way Europeans do. Hers was more like honey in the sunlight, almost glowing. He had never been to the Philippines but he had certainly heard about it. Some of the parrainage members had spent one semester in there. He was racking his brain to find something—anything he coud possibly know about the Philippines. “Beaches. Lots of them, right?” he finally said. She smiled just a little bit. “Yeah, that’s one way to put it,” she said. He could not help but notice how American her accent sounded. He had never met a Filipino before so he would not know if they normally sound like that. They proceeded in discussing the usual things like degree programs, grading systems, classes and even the number of libraries near her dorm. He told her she was staying at Res-
idence de la Maine, right across the Lille Public Library. He felt a little less nervous now. Every time she spoke, he could not help but look her in the eyes. Her eyes—he did not want to look away from them. But she kept looking away— looking around the room, the other students, Lucille. Anywhere but him.
emma Door Boy finally had a name. Josh. It was not the usual fancy French boy name that she expected. She imagined other names—Etienne, Pierre, Timothee, Mathieu. She found out he was taking up Communications and Fine Arts. She was not surprised, though. He looked the part: disheveeled curly hair, signature smirk, grey button down shirt and khaki jeans. He certainly looked like the resident art snob. But she wondered how someone like him ended up being a parrainage. As far as she knew, art people are not big fans of Frequent Exposure To People. Later, he told her he was assigned as her parrainage because they were both taking Communications classes. The way he talked became calmer and cooler. She could not trace the shake in his voice anymore. She knew he was trying to make eye contact when they talk, but she was far too conscious of herself to survive. She looked around the room—the corner where Lucille was talking to someone on the phone, to her right where Stephan, the German student who sat beside her, was talking
to his parrainage. Anywhere but his eyes. What do you think you are doing, she said to herself again. Josh continued talking about Lille Public Library, which was just across Residence de la Maine. She genuinely asked about this because if there was one thing she was looking forward to, that is racking up shelves of libraries to find both French and English titles of hundreds of books. She was too surprised that she let out an audible gasp when he told her that libraries usually close at 6 o’clock in the evening. “No way,” she said. “That’s too early.” She did not expect him to laugh. “Why, what’s funny?” she asked. “Nothing,” he said but still trying to supress his laughter. She badly wanted to know why but she was afraid to press on it. Maybe later, she told herself.
josh
Josh came to class really early today. He had always made it habit to be extra early on the first day of class so as not to get to the bad side of the instructors. His art classes were not that big so he has to be more careful. Who are you fooling? He told himself. You came in for her. He was classmates with Emma on two classes: Photography and Graphic Design. She told him yesterday she was taking Advertising and Communications on her home university. She was here to take a few extra courses on Communications. He occupied the seat nearest to the hall entrance at the back. He wondered what she was going to say today. Yesterday, he made a really crazy move by laughing when she gasped after knowing that the libraries close at six o’clock in the evening. He had heard that compared to other countries, this was really early but no one had ever been so shocked before. Perhaps it was because they were not as interested into libraries and books as she does. All she ever asked him yester-
day was about the libraries. Her eyes lit up when he mentioned the collection of photography books available at the Lille Public Library, nearest to Residence de la Maine where she was staying. She even asked him if there were French titles of Kite Runner and The Book Thief. Nevertheless, he ought to say sorry about yesterday. He was not laughing at her but when she asked why he was laughing, he did not say anything either. The hall entrance flipped open and the gliding footsteps made him look up from his sketch pad. When the wind swept, he caught the smell of licorice.
He was still in an instant.
emma As she was entering the lecture hall, the wind suddenly swept behind her. She shivered just a little bit. She made a mental note to look for a warmer coat to wear. She toned down the color today. She wore just a grey button down and a pair of black jeans. She put on her warmest coat since the temperature had alreay dropped to 7oC. Coming for the Philippines, 24oC was already the cold season. She was instantly aware that Josh was sitting on the seat nearest to the door. She saw him drawing on his sketch pad when she entered before he looked up. She thought he stiffened just a little bit when he saw her. Just when she was thinking if he wanted her to sit beside him, he smiled and motioned to the seat next to him. She did not want to admit it but she was glad he did. She pulled the chair next to him and sat carefully. She was thankful the chair was not too far and not too close to him. “Hello,” he said with a smirk. He always looked like he was silently amused by something. “Hey,” she replied. She was glad her skin was not pale. Because if it was, she was certain he would see her blush.
josh
It was his job to make her feel at ease.
When she entered, she looked like she was searching for a seat. He quickly motioned to the seat beside him. He did not want her to be looking for other seats when she barely knew anyone. When she was pulling out the chair, he realized it was too far from him. He wanted her closer. “Hello,” he said as he remembered their first encounter yesterday. “Hey,” she replied. She looked like she was trying to figure out something on her head. Her forehead creased lightly and her brows furrowed a little. He took this as cue to apologize. “I’m sorry,” he said while looking down. “For what?” she said, obviously puzzled. ‘I’m sorry I laughed at you yesterday,” he paused a little when he realized how wrong that sounded. “I mean, I wasn’t laughing at you. Just how you reacted. I did not realize you already had plans staying overnight at the library,” “Ha, ha!” was all she said. He made a mental note not to drop lame jokes like that anymore. Then they were both silent. She was rummaging through her bag while he decided to continue sketching. He was drawing a picture of his sister, Sophie, today. She had always want-
ed one for her birthday. “Your girlfriend?” Emma asked. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. You don’t have to answer that,” she added apologetically. But he did want to answer. He very much wanted to say that he did not have a girlfriend. “No. I . . . don’t have a girlfriend.” He tried to sound calm and less defensive. He knew she did not exactly ask why but he wanted to say it anyway. “It’s my sister. She had always wanted one of these,” he added in an effort to answer her question. She pressed her lips together, almost like a smile. He noticed how she was not like the other girls who like to press on matters. When the class ended, both of them lingered on their seats. He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to stay but he found himself wanting to. She looked at him like she was about to ask him something, but she just looked down and hid her face with her hair. When both of them did not say anything, Emma started to grab her purse and go. “W-wait, Emma!” he said a little too loud. She looked at him questioningly. “Hm?” “Do you have anywhere to go? We can get lunch at the cafeteria if you want to.” She was taking a little longer to reply. One thousand one, one thousand two, one thousa- “Yeah, sure. That’d be. . . nice.” she finally said.
emma
She was glad Josh offered to get lunch together. Ever since she got here, she kept herself into ordering croissants and fresh fruits from the cafeteria since those were the only ones she knew how to say. She did not want Monsiuer Bastin giving her smug looks if she pronounced the names of the food wrong. When they got there, Josh helped her get her meal pass. Meal passes are sold at the Restaurante Universitaire, which students usually abbreviate to Resto-U. Each pass was good for ten meals for any Resto-U around France. Typical student meals consist of one salad, main course and a dessert. It was far too different from her country. In her university in the Philippines, there weren’t any meal passes. There weren’t student meals either; everyone just orders a cup of rice and whatever dish they were serving that day. Josh first helped her get her meal pass and then they proceeded in ordering their meal. Unfortunately for her, there were three different sets of student meals today. None of them looked readable to her eyes. Josh insisted on letting her go first, being a gentleman that he is. She wanted to tell him to go first so she could imitate him placing his meal order but
she did not know how to put that on words. She was already panicking as she was nearing Monsieur Bastin. How could she say whatever that it that’s written on the menu board? Finally, she gave in. “Um. . . help?” she looked at him with her head a little bit down. “I don’t exactly know French yet, could you help me out?” There was it again. The smirk. She felt her heart skip a beat. Being this close to him, she could see his sea green eyes hidden behind his perfectly long brown lashes. “Sorry. I. . . didn’t know. Which one do you want?” he asked, pointing to the chicken salad and pasta infront of us. “I don’t know. Surprise me.” He then placed their orders on perfect French. Her ears were virgin to Français, but she could listen to that kind of voice the entire day. A few times he pointed at her and Monsieur Bastin smiled at her. She smiled back in return despite being clueless on what he just said. She was getting ready to hand her meal pass when Josh gave his to Monsieur Bastin. “I’ll pay for today,” he said to her. “Merci,” she said lightly. He smiled at her. “See, that wasn’t so bad, Emma.” The way he said her name sounded fancy to her. He lingered on the m’s—Emma. For the first time since she got here, she felt that she could belong here. Here, in France. Maybe she’ll find a home here. Her new home.
josh They are going to see the city today. Emma finally agreed on going out in the weekend after two weeks of convincing. She told him she was afraid to go since she could not speak any French. On top of that, she felt really intimidated. “What exactly are you intimidated from?” he asked her. “Nothing. . . just how people all look so nice. Well dressed and put together.” “But you don’t look bad. And people aren’t going to kill you if were,” “Easy for you to say, impeccably dressed French boy,” she said teasingly. He was glad she was starting to lose her shyness around him little by little. She stopped looking down or dropping his gaze. He arrived 10 minutes earlier than what they had agreed upon. Just in time, he told himself. He was excited about seeing her today. He could not wait to look at her chocolate brown eyes and the lashes that flutter when she speaks. He thought he was prepared to see her today but when he saw her
walking out of Residence de la Maine, he almost got knocked off his feet. She smiled at him. He was glad she looked happy today. He could still remember the first time he saw her with her puffy eyes and the way she smiled but never seemed to reach her eyes. Unlike before, her skin had turned a bit lighter. She was still tan but not as much as she looked before. But still, she was glowing. They started walking toward the city. No one spoke at first but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. They just walked side by side under the cold fall breeze. “What’s our itinerary today, Monsiuer Josh?” she said teasingly after a while. He shrugged. “What, no play-by-play touristy list of things to see and food to taste?” she was almost laughing now. But he did plan something for today. He thought it was better to surprise her. “You better wait, Madamoiselle Emma Rodriguez.” he replied. They have been nearing the city center now. It was fall so there were only a few people staying out in the park. This was not where he wants to take her, though. Just a few meters away from the park, there was this quaint book shop who only sold old books. The books were stacked from the floor to the ceiling in different titles and different languages.
He tugged her hand when she started to go to the wrong way. “What? Where are we going?” she asked. “Hush, Madamoiselle Rodriguez. And please close your eyes.” “No way,” she replied. He looked at her eyes intently. They held each other’s gaze for a while when she finally gave in. “Fine,” she said, resigning from him. She obediently closed her eyes as he guided her step by step to the doorway. “Open your eyes now,” he told her after removing his hands over her eyes. Silence. And then her jaw dropped open.
emma Books. Lots of them. Josh had took her to a little bookstore down the block that was selling old books—hard bounds and paperbacks. They were at the corner of the bookstore now. Her eyes still twinkled at the sight of old books that were stacked on the shelves. She was so consumed by the amount of books that she seemed to forget about him. He wasn’t mad though. Just looking at her, too fascinated about a tiny room of books, made him fascinated, too. The books above her toppled over her head. He hurried to her side, catching her as she was about to fall. She must have pulled out the wrong dusty hardbound. It was when he tried catching her that she realized that it was the first time they touched each other. They were both uncomfortable at first, evident as they both shifted away from each other.
emma Less like knowing but more like remembering—that was how it felt to her when he kissed her. Their lips touched lightly at first, lingering on the edge and still hesitant to move. Then he pulled her closer, tighter and firmer. They kissed like they have been doing it for a long time. Every move of his head and his lips made her heart skip a beat. She pulled away but stayed in his arms. She pressed her palms on the small of his back. She wanted to stay there to memorize how good it feels to finally close the space between them. He pulled back from her embrace and looked her in the eyes. “I never got to tell you how beautiful your eyes are,� he said to her. There were butterflies all over her stomach. He laced his fingers to hers and they sat there at the hall, sometimes kissing, sometimes just looking at each other. Neither of them could believe it was finally happening.
josh
Josh couldn’t sleep.
It was going to be constant torture now that he knew how it
felt like to hold her, to kiss her. As soon as he touched her, he had already scrapped his rule of never having romantic feelings for his parrainage.
Screw it, he said to himself when their lips started to linger.
He wondered how he survived without doing it.
emma Melting. That’s how Emma was feeling right now. She could still feel Josh’s hand on her hips; his lips on her hair, her cheeks and her lips. She tried to remember how it felt to be on his arms while she buried her face on his chest and he pressed his lips on top of her head. Christ.
josh When she arrived at the lecture hall today, he almost got up from his seat to get her. He could not spend any more minute without holding her hand or smelling licorice from her hair. When she sat on her chair, he scooted closer and put his arms around her. “Hey,” she said with such a beautiful smile. Being this close to her, he could see a slight hint of blush on her tan skin. Beautiful, he thought. “Did you sleep well?” she asked him. “Frankly, no,” he replied. How could he? All he ever though was when he could see her again. “Why?” she was nuzzling her face on his shoulder. “I was thinking about you,” She smiled as she placed a light peck on his cheek. His insides went crazy. He had dated girls before but none of them made him feel like he was going to be crazy.
emma The lecture that day went by too fast. Professeur James kept shooting them irritable looks. Josh kept his arms around her waist the entire time. They could sit on the same chair and still feel the need to close the minimal space between them.
josh It’s true, what they say. Time flies when you’re having the best time. They went out on weekends, stayed up together until the dawn and spent almost every day together. But he still could not get enough of her. He was always anxious to see her when they’re not together. They were having a good time, snuggling on her tiny bed and sipping wine. They thought about how it could possibly get any better than this. He might have fallen asleep beside her at some point. He woke up, feeling the gaping absence of her body against his. “Em?” he looked around, a bit disoriented. “Hey,” she replied. She wasn’t looking at him. Her back was on him and her voice sounded a bit too lonely for him. He got up and scooted to her side. He searched for her face and saw her eyes were a bit swollen, like she was just crying. He wrapped his arms around her. “What’s wrong? Homesick again?” he asked her. She pressed her lips together like she was contemplating if she was going to tell him or not. “Em, tell me,” he pressed. “What are we going to do when my exchange program ends?” she asked too softly. “Let’s not talk about it,” he hugged her tighter. She just stayed there; not moving nor responding.
“Josh, you don’t understand.” “What? What don’t I understand?” “Josh, after this exchange program is done. . . that’s it for us.” “No, it is not. Emma, we don’t have to. . .” “Yes, we do.” “No, Emma Rodriguez. You don’t understand. I love you.” The thought of losing her permanently made his stomach drop. She could not possibly say goodbye. She still has over a month to stay. “Em, I need you. I have never felt like I’m going to be crazy whenever I don’t see you. That when were not together, I’m just too anxious to get back to you again. You can’t do. . . this.” “Josh, you already know how I feel about you. But, you know it’s going to be easier this way. We’re going to have a month to adjust. . .” “Adjust to what? To losing each other?” he didn’t know if he was furious or sad that this is happening. “God, I don’t know! Don’t you think this is harder for me than it is to you?” He wanted to tell her no. She could not possibly feel the loss that he was already starting to feel. He thought about losing her, he felt mad—mad at how someone could feel so connected to another. And how two souls who are so connected to each other could possibly be separated. He didn’t even know what to say to her. He just walked away.
emma She didn’t know how she ended up ruining their evening. Josh hadn’t even said goodbye. He just walked away, maybe furious. But all she ever did was to tell him about the problem that they have been avoiding for such a long time. It was practically taboo for the both of them. But she knew. She had always known. They could not avoid it forever. She felt the gaping loss once he walked away. She had been so used to sleeping next to him that when she lay down, she felt terrible beyond her guts. She read on Love and Misadventure that when two souls fall in love, there is nothing else but yearning to be close to the other. The presence that is felt through glances, voice, smiles and hands held. Souls do not know time. They could not measure time, distance or the degree of permanence. Maybe this was the reason why she felt this way; every part of her longed for him. Her soul felt his absence—maybe
temporarily, maybe permanently. But the way she felt right now, seeing him walk away from her, it was a goodbye that felt permanent.
josh
He did not realize walking away her from her tiny dorm room meant he was walking away from her life—for good.
emma It had been two weeks and this was all she could ever think about: He never came back.
josh “Hello,” he said with a tiny smile. It has been a month and he was still nervous. She did not know that this tiny hello was the result of the courage he has been mustering for a month. She sat beside him. He caught a whiff of her hair. Licorice, he identified. “Hey,” she said after what felt like forever for him. She blushed just a little bit. What a knockout, he thought.
emma She was debating against herself yet again today. It’s been a month, she said. He should have said something by now, she added. She was counting her footsteps until she would reach her seat. One. Should I say hello? Two. Maybe a simple hey would suffice. Three. I’ll just ignore him. She pulled out the chair and sat in one awkward move. “Hello,” he said with a tiny smile. Her stomach tightened. “Hey,” she said as her cheeks burned. No way. I am not going to blush right now, but her face failed her. She was embarrassed.
josh
He knows he is going to see her again today. Even more, he knows she is going to sit beside him today. The only reason that is keeping them that way is the fact that they are class partners. They used to be inseparable. He could not identify himself without her. She took up such a huge part in his heart, even he did not know it could happen. From the corner of his eye, he caught her steal a glance from him. She used to be his favorite sight. But now, looking at her made his chest ache. She is the girl that he will never have and it is going to stay that way forever. He did not realize he was smiling until she also gave out a tiny smile. She smiles like nothing happened. How she does it, he will never know.
emma She is going to see him today. And the inevitable part is that she is going to sit beside him today. Two more weeks until the semester ends, she told herself. They will still be class partners for two more weeks and it sucked. She would see his face again and she would struggle to keep her emotions intact. She knew he caught her stealing a glance. She did not steal glances before; she owned them. Every part of his being used to be hers. He isn’t anymore. And it will remain that way from now on. She was sure he was smiling at her now. For what reason, she wasn’t sure. Not meaning to be rude, she let out an awkward smile. That was when she noticed that his eyes were not really there. His green eyes were far away; she could almost see his mind drifting away. It killed her wondering what he was thinking: if it was just a passing thought or a long internal string of thoughts.
josh Last day. The two words rang in his ears. Last day of their obligatory class meeting—the only thing that is keeping them from staying away. He was not exacly sure if he really wanted to stay away. Maybe he liked still being with her. Maybe be still liked being class partners with her. Aside from class, he does not see her anywhere anymore. He was surprised that he was nervous. It was the least of all emotions that he was expecting to feel today. From the quiet gliding of footsteps, he knew it was her. The breeze swept his face and he caught the smell of licorice. Just like the first time, he told himself.
emma Last day. Her heart dropped when she said it. Today, she will be walking to the lecture hall for one last time. After this day, she would not have any excuse to see him ever again. She would not even have the chance to steal glances from him. For over a month, she kept telling herself that it sucked being class partners with her ex-boyfriend. No, she thought. Boyfriend is such a small word. He was more than that. She was barely dragging her feet towards her seat when she saw him casually leaning on her chair. She was nervous. She did not know why but her heart kept beating faster than when he first kissed her.
emma & josh “I guess it’s goodbye?” she heard his deep voice that was too familiar. Her heart dropped. He could barely utter the word goodbye. She looked down. In one swift move, he placed his long arms around her. She thought she was going to fall; her knees felt too weak, almost like jelly. He placed his right hand at the back of her head, caressing gently. Her face is now on his chest. She felt his heart beating very fast. She stayed there, not quite sure what to do with her hands. He was way taller than her. This gesture used to make her feel protected and warm. He was way taller than her. He would rest his chin on her head because it felt comforting; feeling like her protector. This gesture used to make him feel wanted.
He placed his lips lightly on her forehead. “Goodbye, Emma.” His voice broke at her name. She wanted to remember how he said his name for the last time--Emm-mma. She placed her arms around him, pressing herself lightly. She memorized every detail of his body: the hipbones that met her tummy, the lean chest against her face and the small of his back pressed on her palms. “Josh...” she muttered. She untangled herself and walked away with tears swimming on her eyes.
She could not bring herself to say goodbye.
josh He thought about bringing her back. Everything about him wanted a piece of her. Just one kiss, one embrace, one smile, one glance.
Just one more.
emma
She walked away; not quite sure what to do with herself. She felt a strange pang on her chest as she tried to wipe the tears swimming on her eyes. She hated herself for crying when she had always known how everything will end way before it even started. She knew. They lived oceans and worlds apart. But what scared her the most was how everything feels so painful but right at the same time. Their break up felt like the last puzzle piece of a jigsaw kept at the sidelines for a while but eventually bound to be placed. It was the last piece that was bound to be put so every single thing would fall back into place Even as she closed her eyes, all she saw was Josh— signature smirk, long and leanly muscular body and piercing green eyes. She doubted if that image would ever go away. She was going to lie to herself if she’s okay—nothing was okay. But just like how she had always known how their relationship will end, she is also certain that time will make everything okay. It may take days, months or years, but she knew everything will be okay. Life breaks people but time mends them. And that the year she spent with him changed her permanently. She will get better, but nothing’s ever going to bring her the way she used to be.
end Hope you enjoyed! :)