A Note About Faith By Ebony Colina

A NOTE ABOUT FAITH

BY EBONY COLINA

Faith has been a term that I always thought I understood. I always believed in God and I knew that He would guide me and protect me in all things. There’s something that is so sweet and innocent about believing this as a child.

However, as we grow older, Faith can become a challenge and something that leaves us as life happens.

I could argue that my life from the outside could be something of interest; however, on the inside, I have learned that it’s in the moments of pain and suffering that we learn what we’re made of and who God really is.

My father succumbed to a heart attack and a stroke when I was 13 years old. I watched in silence as my mother and brother suffered tremendously from the loss. Don’t get me wrong, I was certainly devastated, but my father left when I was nine years old to move to North Carolina and my brother had the privilege of living with him. Later that year, I watched my aunt succumb to a heart attack as well. I learned very early on that God is omnipresent.

In the midst of this suffering, there were so many opportunities that allowed me to continue on. I was accepted into one of the elite private schools in Michigan, I excelled at a rigorous curriculum and I was able to travel due to sports/church.

Things were great until I noticed changes in my mood. I spent the latter years of my high school gripped in fear and anxiety. I was fatigued, suffered horrible weight loss and I couldn’t remember anything. The symptoms of my thyroid disease were starting to appear, and it would take another five years before I was diagnosed.

The stress from school, the suffering from losing loved ones and the constant worry wreaked havoc on my body. I remember being incredibly depressed. I asked God what was the point of my pain? Why me? What was the lesson here?

I would learn that lesson soon enough. I decided to do a deep dive into my Faith. Every time something traumatic would happen, I would take it to God.

Heartache, confusion and pain...He got it all.

It wasn’t until last year when I thought that nothing else bad could happen…it did. I felt that someone pulled the rug from underneath me. Everything that I knew about myself would become questioned. From my marriage to someone that I look to as a father battling with two types of cancer, I was shaken to my core.

Just when I thought that I couldn’t take anymore, something else would come up. I prayed constantly that God would renew my strength, my courage and my faith.

I remember being incredibly depressed. I asked God what was the point of my pain? Why me? What was the lesson here?

You see, I realized that I became distracted. I stopped looking to God as my source of truth and sustenance over the years. I allowed others to dictate my value and my worth. Fear became my best friend and I didn’t know WHO I was and WHOSE I was. I had to travel to Chicago to attend an amazing retreat with one of my prayer buddies before I truly understood just how much God loves me and this is what I want to leave you with:

God loves you so much! In the moments when you think that He’s not there, He’s working in the background to propel you forward. Sometimes, we have to go through the wilderness like Moses before we can be released from the captivity of our former self.